Monday October 27th 2025 "Have you gone to the bathroom today? If you haven't, you're in a tiny minority, I can exclusively reveal!!!!"

Yes, friends, have YOU gone to the bathroom today?, if that's not too personal a question, that is (!). Take a quick moment to think back!

Most people develop a bit of a routine about it, i.e. about going to the bathroom, and CEOs of big corporation are no exception as evidenced by the popular "From The Archives" page in this morning's Onion News. If you missed the story, here it is in full, lightly edited but only for content, length, style and detail.

Well, excuse me, but isn't "making employees' jobs harder" a normal part of any CEO's "job description", the last time I looked, anyway (!). What madness!!!

And who exactly does Schultz makes the job harder for, more than for anybody else on the company payroll? Step forward Starbucks's "plombiers extraordinaires" - pardon my French! - who have to de-clog that toilet on an almost daily basis!

Poor plumbers!!!!

(left) Starbucks CEO, Howard Schultz, and (right) company

plumbers taking a well-earned break after a Schultz visit

And here at our home in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, UK, this Onion News "from the archives" 'classic' brings a knowing nod of recognition, and  a definite chuckle to the lower half of my face this morning, and also to that of my light-to-moderate wife Lois, so "Fair do's!". 

And "Kudos, Onion News!", into the bargain!

my light-to-moderate wife Lois and me, seen here chuckling during our daily walk, 

which today takes in choice parts of Old Man Lowsley's Farm, just outside our home town of Liphook

But there's a bigger question here, isn't there - what is the best way to proceed, if you've blocked a toilet?

And later today we start to get some answers to this sticky problem (no pun intended!!!), and from an unexpected source, when Steve, our American brother-in-law emails us with his pick of the past week's most amusing Venn diagrams:

Clearly, "loudly proclaiming that the toilet was in that state before you arrived" is one solution (as per diagram 1), and using a drain snake to "reveal yet more revolting nuggets" (as per diagram 3) is another, the latter being perhaps arguably the more responsible approach to the problem (!), to put it mildly!

Whether that conclusion has any implications for either Rachel Reeves or Prince Andrew remains a moot point, however. Your input required here - postcards only !!!!!

Blocked toilets aren't anything new, by the way - even the Romans used to suffer from them, and it was normally slaves who had to de-clog them, by hand - yuck!!!! From a management viewpoint, however, it was the job of an elected official, an aedile, to "oversee" the whole business and ensure that Rome's toilets and sewers in general were "fit for purpose in that day of age" (!), and generally do all the paperwork. But no toilet-paperwork, needless to say - they just used sponges in those crazy, far-off days!

And strangely enough, the topic of "revolting nuggets from Rome's blocked toilets and sewers" is one of the few subjects that doesn't come gurgling up (!) - no pun intended!!! -  at the fortnightly meeting of the local U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, which Lois and I attend this afternoon, at the Methodist Church Hall, over in nearby Haslemere, just over the county line, in Surrey.

[That's enough unfunny puns! - Ed]

(top left) Lois and I, and other group members consult their dictionaries, while (top right)

group leader and former schoolteacher Joe writes something in Latin on the whiteboard

and (bottom right) a vote is taken on the divisive question of the windows: 

should they be open or should they be closed? [Latin: fenestrae - apertae aut clausae?]

What madness !!!!

Here's a quick summary on "outcomes" from this afternoon's group meeting:

(1) A vote on the divisive question of the windows results in them being closed - wisely in mine and Lois's view! 

(2) And a decision is taken, also, on the group's next Latin prose work for the 2025-2026 academic year: we're going to read Roman historian Sallust's account of the "Conspiracy of Catiline", 

The story of Rome in the first and second centuries BC is a really interesting topic, Lois and I think, because it has a  lot of implications still significant today - it's the first fully documented story of a democracy turning into a dictatorship, and then ruled by an emperor - an autocratic system that then subsequently lasted for 400 years. It was Rome's first emperor, Augustus, who established the system, while at the same time falsely claiming to be "restoring the Republic".

What madness !!!

Augustus, Roman emperor 27-14BC, who established Rome

as an autocracy, while falsely claiming to be "restoring the Republic"

Although it's true that the democratic system of Ancient Athens was overthrown at an earlier date still, in 322 BC, this was result of an overthrow by outsiders - when Philip of Macedon, and his son Alexander the Great invaded and conquered the whole of the rest of Greece before going on to conquer large swathes of the Middle East and Asia. 

Rome's democracy, by contrast, was subverted from within.

Athenian democracy, terminated in 322BC when the Macedonians

invaded under Philip and his son Alexander the Great

15:00 Because of the insane timing of these U3A Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers meetings - starting at 12:30 pm and finishing at 2:30 pm (caused by pressure of rival bookings for use of the Methodist Church Hall, we suspect (?)), the unfortunate result is that Lois and I don't get to bed till 4 o'clock for "nap time", and we're still there at 6pm. 

It seems a bit decadent, but on the other hand you're only old once, aren't you haha!

20:00 Luckily, this evening, we can unwind again on the couch in front of our favourite TV quiz "Only Connect", which tests lateral thinking.

And here's a "doozy" for you - you know you want one don't you haha!!!

Can YOU guess the connection between these four celebs, I wonder?

Yes, you've guessed it - they all had nicknames with a number in, of course. 

Politician David Willetts was known as "Two Brains", because he was so clever (allegedly!). Fitz Hall was a footballer, with the nickname "One Size", inspired by the clothing size "One Size Fits All", and Jimmy Gardner was another footballer, with the nickname "Five Bellies" - and I think we can all guess how Jimmy got those (!).

And finally, of course, the late John Prescott, former Deputy Prime Minister under Tony Blair, was known as "Two Jags" - a derogatory reference to him allegedly betraying his working-class roots by being the owner of two Jaguars. 

Awwww !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!

Sunday October 26th 2025 "Sleep - doncha love it !!! But perhaps you're not getting enough? I wonder....!!!!"

Sleep's a wonderful thing - and me and my light-to-moderate wife, now retired for an incredible 30-years (almost!), just wish today's somnology, or "sleep science", had been around when we were still working. 

The reason is that, apparently, the same principles apply sleep in the work environment as they do to our homelives, would you believe! Just look at this report of a game-changing study in this morning's local Onion News for East Hampshire (slightly edited here for content, wording and style (!)).

Health warning: the above article comes from the paper's popular "Leave Time For A Smile" column, so don't take it too seriously!

More reliable, perhaps (!), is this info from those TV doctors, the "terrible" Van Tulleken twins, on the BBC website this week. Essentially, they're telling us not to worry too much about our health - because most of it isn't our fault anyway. Who is to blame, the twins don't say, but I think we should be told.  Whoever's at fault, they should definitely be locked up, that's what Lois and I say, and we make no apology for that !!! [Why not? - Ed]

And number one on their "don't worry, be  happy" list is: don't obsess over eight hours' sleep.

"Kudos, that twin !!!". 

And today is the one day of the year that normally Lois and I would take the opportunity for an extra hour in bed in the morning, because it's "clocks go back" day. Unfortunately we forgot it was today and so we actually got up at what we thought was the usual time, only realising the horrible truth when we were already up and dressed - which made us feel a bit "discombobulated", to put it mildly !!!!

my light-to-moderate wife Lois and me having breakfast

- a recent picture

The change from BST to GMT also gives us a bit of "bother" this morning when trying to start our regular weekly "catch-up" zoom call with our daughter Sarah in Perth, Australia, where they don't mess around with clocks at all: the result is a 7 hour time difference with the UK in summer and an 8 hour one in winter, which can be a bit annoying trying to remember which one it is at any one time, if you know what I mean (!).

I try at the last minute this morning to text Sarah to move the time of the zoom call from 4:30pm to 5:30pm Western Australia time. The message seems to get through, but when Lois and I log on at 9:30am GMT, she's not there. Later we discover that Sarah had in fact fallen asleep before the zoom call was due to start.

Poor Sarah !!!!

(left) Lois and me this morning, getting no response from Perth when we log in

on zoom, and (right) the whatsapp chat that reveals that Sarah had "nodded off" (!)

But who can blame Sarah for falling asleep? A chartered accountant, she's still doing two jobs, her "new job" in Perth, plus her "old job" in Evesham UK, which she's still working at online in evenings and at weekends. What a madness it is, isn't it, but the money will come in handy, when her and Francis' 12-year-old twins Lily and Jessica start at the local private Anglican Church Grammar School in nearby Alkimos next February.

(left) Sarah (second from right) with colleagues at her UK accountancy job,

and (right) leaving her office in Perth, Western Australia - what madness !!!!

Poor Sarah (again) !!!!!

our regular Sunday morning "catch-up" zoom call with Sarah 

and family this morning after it finally gets going (!) - what madness!!!!

20:00 And by evening today, Lois and I are even sleepier than usual when we finally "plop" down on the couch for a bit of "telly. After all today is one hour longer than a usual Sunday, so "fair do's" !!!!

Oh dear !!! But what do the Van Tulleken twins say in their podcast?

Yes, so no need to forget your sense of humour over it all, that's for sure!!!

"Be happy! Don't worry about it!" is what TV doctors the Van Tulleken twins say!

And there's no better exponent of this fact than famous British cartoonist Heath Robinson, who, with his intricate cartoons, laughed his way through two world wars, would you believe, and cheered people up like nobody's business!

Lois and I are reminded of this on tonight's Antiques Roadshow, the series where members of the public bring along their family heirlooms to have them looked at, and in some cases valued, by experts in the field.

In this sequence Heath Robinson's great-nephew brings along some of the old man's wartime cartoons, including this one to show programme presenter, Fiona Bruce.

The focus of the cartoon, however, is down below. Both sides have been tunnelling under the "front", and they finally find, to their surprise, they've each been doing it at exactly the same point in the line, and there's a definite sense of horror when they meet.

The British "tommy" doesn't know what to say to the German, so he blurts out "Third return to Hammersmith please!", as if he were buying a third [class] return ticket at a booking office on the London Underground.

Tremendous fun, isn't it!!!!

And by coincidence, there's another reminder of the London Underground later and the incredible Victorian technology in tonight's programme, when a local museum curator brings along a model of the Thames Tunnel. The model was made out of bits of card, and dates from the time in the 1820's when the tunnel was being constructed, the world's first tunnel under a river. The models were made and sold as "merch" to attract investors when the tunnel-builders desperately need more cash, so fair enough!

The idea of the "tunnelling shield" was the brainchild of early Victorian inventor Marc Isambard Brunel, father of his more famous son, Isambard Kingdom Brunel, the renowned designer of bridges, tunnels, railways and transoceanic steamships, who was recently voted second in a BBC poll to find "The 100 Greatest Britons". 

The Thames Tunnel was actually pioneered by old dad Marc, but when construction of the tunnel started in 1825, Marc let 'young Isambard' work on it with him - although he was only a kid of 19 at the time: so "Kudos, Marc!" 

I expect Marc gave in after his son's "Oh pleeeease Dad, let me do a bit !!!!!" had reverberated for, like, the billionth time - more probably!!!!

What madness !!!!

But fascinating stuff, isn't it !!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!