Well, springtime - it's almost here, Friends, and it's high time to get started on all those long-standing DIY jobs that need to get done, that's for sure! I sense, however, that as the long winter months draw to a close, people are not finding the "wherewithal" with which to tackle the more difficult tasks ahead, many of which have mysteriously gone missing. Am I right? Or am I right!
The headlines all tell the same story - and there are like a billion of them, they're almost "legion" (!), but here are just two I noticed this week.
And just as in our homes, it's happening in our workplaces too, with all the 'new brooms' in positions of power, 'sweeping clean' (!) [Source; Onion News].
[Can't you get somebody who actually knows something about gardening to write this bit, Colin? - Ed]
And Lois has already assigned me, Yours Truly, with my part in all this, which will be to put together a shiny new lawnmower, the one that "plopped" through our front door in a big box a few days ago.
Well, Thursday came and went, but no coat-hooks arrived, and when I logged onto Amazon I saw this mysterious "update":
Matt evidently has found a way to get "same day delivery" from Argos, and who am I to argue with that?
Yes, the Saturday night atmosphere at "Wheeltappers" can get a bit rowdy at times, it's true, but luckily club chairman and 'turn-manager' Colin Crompton, seated at his usual table, reads out this week's "notices" and generally keeps things in order with a firm hand, which is nice. And tonight is no exception:
Let me put my cards on the table. My medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I only moved into this 1970's-build house in Liphook, Hampshire, a couple of months ago. However, today I can now exclusively reveal that Lois has already been outside the house, in our new actual front garden, looking things over, and 'sizing things up', so I suspect she's already got everything in hand, fingers crossed (!).
Lois this afternoon, exploring our new front garden
and sizing things up for the coming season
And here's the challenge that Lois has set me - "Lois's March Challenge", she calls it. And here's the thing - can I, Yours Truly, turn a big heavy box (so-called "picture A"), currently languishing in our garage, into a working lawnmower (so-called "picture B"), in say, less than 3 months, by which time our garden will be a veritable jungle, Lois says, and I believe her!
Lois's challenge to me: can I turn this big heavy box, currently languishing
in our garage ("Picture A") into something like this photographer's impression
of what it should look like when fully assembled ("Picture B") in less
than, say 3 months, before the grass gets too grassy, in other words
I wonder.....!
Not as easy as it sounds, because I'm locally famous, in our family, for "not even being able to put an IKEA flatpack 'Bingsta'-style armchair together", and having to use the services of local handyman "Flatpack Jim" to do the job for me.
flashback to March 2024: Lois and I "test-drive" our shiny new IKEA
"Bingsta"-style armchair, lovingly assembled for us by local professional, a.k.a. "Flatpack Jim":
with instructions for adjusting it, mid-TV show, close at hand (ringed), which is nice!
I'm not going to start on "Lois's March Challenge" just yet, however. Because Lois and I only moved into this house in Liphook a mere 2 months and 2 weeks ago, we've ordered a whole bunch of things online that will enable us to make this house into a typical "Lois and Colin house".
We've taken delivery of most of this "stuff" now, but there's just one item yet to be received: two shiny new coat-hook sets, and I promise you, Friends, that as soon as those coat-hooks arrive, I'll get going on every single one of my DIY tasks for 2025, no worries!
some typical coat-hooks - not the ones we ordered
There's been a bit of a "hiccup" with those coat-hooks - I'm not sure why. I know that Amazon said, first of all, that they were coming last Thursday:
What's all that about? "Amazon will deliver the package on the date you requested" ????????
I didn't request a specific delivery date - why would I? Lois and I have been retired for 19 years, so we're here at home, like, a billion percent of the time, more probably!
What a crazy world we live in !!!!!
So that's a continuing story, Friends, and I promise to keep you updated on developments!
[Don't bother! - Ed]
Lois and me - retired for 19 years, and at home, like,
a billion percent of the time, more probably!
In the meantime, our coats will just have to continue to be "chucked" on armchairs, on the floor, or (most popular place) draped over the so-called "newel" at the bottom of our stairs. "Well, I'll go to the foot of our stairs", as the old saying has it !!!!!
"Well I'll go to the foot of our stairs!" - our newel
carrying out its temporary function as coat-rack,
when we can be persuaded to take our coats off, that is (!)
10:30 I drive Lois over to nearby Petersfield to attend her church's Sunday Morning Meeting, and what do you know, Amazon deliveries come up again at the beginning of this week's visiting preacher Matt's remarks to the congregation.
typical scenes from a Sunday Morning Meeting at Lois's church:
(left) church members taking their seats ahead of the start of the meeting,
and (right) Lois and me sitting at the back, next to Ruth Somebody
Matt, this week's visiting preacher, is a nice lad, whom Lois knows well - he's from Pershore, Worcestershire, near where we used to live before our move to Liphook in January. His 'exhortation' this morning is all about the virtue of patience. And if you were giving a talk on patience, there's an obvious opening, isn't there, just to set the scene in a modern context, and Matt "goes for it" with his usual aplomb!
"We live in an age of instant gratification", Matt says in his opening salvo on 'the virtue of patience', and he illustrates that by saying that you can order things from Amazon and they'll turn up the same day if you're willing to pay extra for "same day delivery".
I'm not sure that Matt is correct on that point, however, as far as Amazon goes. Surely "Next Day Delivery" is the best they can offer, isn't it? Matt may be confusing Amazon with Argos, who famously do have a "same day service": they can do that because, of course, they famously have a store in every town and city in the land (Liphook excluded by the way - just saying!).
Amazon's "Next Day Delivery" vs Argos's "Same Day Delivery".
Which is better? That's a no-brainer surely!
So I'm going to let that one slide for now, because Matt gives us some extraordinary examples of patience from the Bible, and he picks probably two of the most extreme cases (?): (1) Noah, who took up to 75 years to build his ark: he was at least 500 years old when his first son was born, and 600 at the time of the Flood. Noah's ark was 300 cubits long, which Matt helpfully translates into 510 feet for us 'oldsters' in the congregation, and then does a further translation of the first translation, into '26 meters' for the younger people (!).
Second example is Abraham and his wife Sarah, who waited probably up to 25 years for the birth of their first child: God first promised a son to Abraham when Abraham was 75, and he was 100 when Isaac was actually born.
Food for thought there. Fascinating stuff, though, isn't it!
21:00 Lois and I go to bed on this week's re-run of the 1970's variety show, "Wheeltappers and Shunters", the series that tried to recreate the sometimes rowdy atmosphere of the "Saturday Night Show" at a typical working-men's social club in the North of England.
Will this do?
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!!
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