Thursday March 20th 2025 "Do YOU ever watch that show? I forget what it's called !!!!!"

Everybody watches that show, don't they. I forget what it's called, but I think you can probably guess the one I'm referring to, because, like, billions of people watch it every week, and I'm guessing, everybody here locally in East Hampshire is watching it, whenever it comes on - I forget the time, but the streets and pubs in these parts are all deserted. 

You know the one! But have you noticed anything weird about it? 

Middle Wallop resident Lawrence Birdwell certainly has, and he shared his reactions with the local hard-working Onion News journalists this morning, which was nice! But what my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I thought, was "Why haven't WE noticed that?!", and maybe your reaction was the same - do let me know (postcards only!) !

It's absolutely true isn't it, what Lawrence says, though, when you think back to last week's episode, whatever it was that happened in it - Lois and I can't remember. But am I right? Or am I right!

On the other hand, these kinds of quirky "goings-on" may be quite typical in East Hampshire. Lois and I aren't sure, because we only moved into the area on January 3rd, and we're still trying to adjust to how things work in these here parts, as people say in these here parts (!). After all, moving 140 miles, from Great Malvern in semi-rural West Worcestershire to Liphook in quiet, semi-rural East Hampshire is bound to have more than its fair share of "culture shocks", to put it mildly (!). 

We're still waiting to "offload" (at a price!) our old house in Malvern to Katherine-with-the-Greek-or-Greek-Cypriot-name, but unfortunately we hear today that the couple that was buying Katherine's house has pulled out of the deal, we hear today, just because they're "splitting up".

What madness !!!! 

Surely people can put up with their "ex"-es and even with their ex's "new squeeze(s)" for a few hours between getting-up-time and going-to-bed-time without making such a fuss about it?   After all the house has 3 bedrooms, and could accommodate 3 couples at the very least, more probably!

What is the world coming to!!!!

To sum up, although I can't pretend that today's news of Catherine's buyer's "pulling out" suddenly isn't a setback for Lois and me, hopefully it'll just be a temporary one.

And on the plus side today, however, we've also had about 8 recommendations from neighbours for local gardeners to help us cut back some of the jungle in our little back garden, which sounds promising.

flashback to October 2024: we look round our new house for the first time

in the company of our daughter Alison and local estate-agent Richard

Incidentally, if YOU would like to buy our house in Malvern, perhaps in "cahoots" with your wife or husband or partner, plus ex and ex's new "squeeze" or whatever - Lois and I are quite broad-minded (!), then do drop us a postcard!

21:30 Loads of things are also going wrong in the TV show we watch this evening, by coincidence - things which make the prospect of "getting the horse out of the apartment before the girls arrive" (see above for details!) seem like the proverbial "walk in the park" to put it mildly !!!!!

Yes, it's that classic episode from 1976, when bored middle-manager Reggie's mid-life crisis gets a promising-looking shot in the arm. 

You know the one! The one when Reggie's wife goes away for the weekend, and he finally gets the chance to invite his "busty" secretary Joan over for a bit of "unpaid overtime", and perhaps fulfil some of the fantasies he's had about her, including the iconic "laundrette" one - you remember! 

Reggie's iconic recurring fantasy of a visit to the laundrette

with his busty secretary Joan

You must remember that one!!!

When his wife goes off to stay at her mother's for the weekend, Reggie sees his chance. And as soon as his wife leaves the house on Saturday morning, Reggie gives his secretary Joan a quick call, saying that "something's come up" and could she drop round to the house on Sunday for some "overtime".

Before Reggie's wife departs for the weekend, of course, she arranges for loads of people to call round at the house while she's away, to check up on Reggie - their son Mark, their son-in-law Tom, the next-door neighbour and ex-army man Jimmy etc. 

And up in the bedroom, where Reggie has turned his portrait of Queen Elizabeth to the wall, so she can't watch (!), every time Reggie and Joan "get started", there's a ring at the doorbell, as first Mark, then Tom, then Jimmy all put in an appearance.

Poor Reggie!!!! And poor Joan !!!!

up in the bedroom, as Reggie's secretary Joan starts to take her shoes off,

Reggie turns the Queen's picture face-to-the-wall, which is a nice touch

Lois and I, as lifelong, "language buffs" always enjoy the conversation of Reggie's son, the fervent Labour Party supporter Mark, because it gives us a chance to expand our knowledge of Cockney rhyming-slang, which Mark tends to affect as part of his recently acquired "working class crudentials" [sic] (!). 

And there's some iconic examples in tonight's programme, to put it mildly!

And finally tonight, there's this "doozy", because it turns out that Reggie's son Mark is a bit "boracic" at the moment, and wants to borrow a ten-spot off of his dad, which is a common enough occurrence in most households - no names, no packdrill !!!!!

So that's three new expressions for Lois and me to master, which should keep us busy. 

Meanwhile upstairs in Reggie's bedroom, it's beginning to look increasingly like secretary Joan is not going to get any "posh", i.e. 'Posh and Becks' - you can guess that one for yourselves, Friends !!!!!

To recap: (1) "teds" (short for "Ted Heath", i.e. "teeth"); (2) "chitty chitty" (short for "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang", i.e. "rhyming slang"; and (3)  "boracic" (short for "boracic lint", i.e. skint).

Not rocket science, is it!!!!

But fascinating stuff !!!!!

22:00 The programme ends, and now it's time for Lois and me to go to bed.

Or should I say, it's time for us to climb the "apples" (= apples and pears, ie stairs) and get into our "uncle" (= Uncle Ned, i.e bed), for a bit of "Bo". I'll leave you to guess that one too! Answer below!!!

Zzzzzzzz!!!!!

Answer to this week's "Colin's Riddle": "Bo" < "Bo Derek" < "Berwick" < "Berwick on Tweed" < "Tweed trousers" < "Tweed trouser zip" < "kip". Obvious when you know, isn't it - that's the funny thing!!!!

[I'll be the judge of that! - Ed]