Danskcolin: Sunday April 13th 2025 "There's nothing better than a good old blazing 'row' now and again just to clear the air, is there!!!!"

Do you enjoy nothing better than a good 'row' every now and again? And just to be clear, I mean 'row' as in the 'row' word that rhymes with other such lovely old English words such as "beau", "Sebastian Coe" (now in the Cockney Rhyming Slang Dictionary meaning 'row', as in "I'm just going down the lake for a Sebastian Coe" would you believe!), or, for example, "doe a deer, a female deer" etc - need I say more? In other words, I don't mean the 'row' word that rhymes with "Ow!!!!", "bow-wow!!!", "How now brown cow!" etc etc!!!! Do I make myself clear? Do you get what I'm saying?!

[Lovely opening para again, Colin! - Ed]

A bit of a chilling story, isn't it - no pun intended!!!!!

"But why is 'rowing' your theme for today's blog, Colin?", I hear you cry! [Not me - I've already thrown up my hands and popped down the road for a quick "bevy" - don't tell my boss!!!! - Ed]

Well, seeing as how you're obviously "gagging" to know (!), it's because, unusually for me and my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois, we're on the sofa today enjoying (if that's the right word!) a bit of sport on the "telly". That's not your usual style, Colin, is it?", I hear your cry in response, and you're absolutely right!

Yes, you've guessed it - it's April 13th, and one o'clock in the afternoon finds us in a quivering heap on the sofa watching the University Boat Race between Oxford and Cambridge, down on the Thames.

And as diehard Oxford fans, both of us (and also as fully-paid-up masochists!), we can't resist this almost-annual ritual humiliation - my goodness, and we get a basinful of it today, that's for sure!!!! The Oxford men's team hasn't won since 2022, and the Oxford women not since 2016 would you believe. It's total madness!!!!

the two women's crews, and (below) the moment when, a couple of minutes in,

the Oxford women decide to give the Cambridge women "a rap in the rowlocks" (!) -

"Now now, ladies!!! Just 'cool it!, will you" haha !!!!!

"What about the men's race, Colin?", I hear you cry. Well, by the time the men come out, later in the afternoon, Lois and I are already in bed, and in a quivering heap again, because we've kept the "telly" on downstairs and we're trying to guess from the muffled sounds coming up the stairs, how 'our team' is doing - and it's not good, to put it mildly!!!!

It's all just a bit of fun, you might say, but there's a serious point here also, isn't there.

Astonishingly, the two Oxford teams, the men and the women, both won the toss this year, but chose the Surrey side for their starting position.

"Why does Oxford keep doing this?" is what Lois and I want to know. The Surrey county side of the river holds the advantage on the middle of the three bends, the big one, but by that time, Cambridge boats, who get the advantage on the first little bend - are going to be lengths ahead anyway, and can easily block the Oxford boats at that point.

It's not exactly rocket science, is it !!!!!

[Surely time to make your insights a bit more 'public' surely Colin. A letter to "The Times" perhaps, or a postcard to BBC's "Points of View", I would suggest? - Ed]

the long-running BBC TV programme "Points of View", featuring

viewers' opinions, with some of its long-time presenters,

including Anne Robinson (centre), Robert Robinson (no relation)

and a tall man that Lois and I don't recognise

Well, all right, maybe, we could send a postcard in... perhaps.

But what Lois and I say is, "Why don't they just include the facts - and the geometry - about the three bends into all Oxford undergraduate courses - and not just that, but include a question on it in all degree finals? Eventually, that way, the point might get through to the gormless rowing team hopefuls?" Who knows what changes that might lead to ?!!!!!

[That's enough 'rowing tips' ! - Ed]

All right, all right, I can take a hint, I'll get off my soapbox! But before I do, I'll just add a few 'lexical' footnotes, and also some pronunciation hints.

1. the word "rowlocks", as in "giving the Cambridge women a rap in the rowlocks" - rhymes with nothing else in the English language, and certainly not with "bollocks" - a common "rookie error" (!). The nearest I can get to a rhyme, if you're writing a poem about rowlocks (!) is "a touch of the cholics", such as a baby might see as a reason for keeping their parents awake half the night (!) - all Poet Laurates please note haha !!!!

a typical 'rowlock'

2. Chiswick (as on the Boat Race route map): features a silent 'w', and rhymes with 'physic' - but try making a laureate-worthy poem out of that, if you like a challenge !!!!

3. "Eyot" as in "Chiswick Eyot" on the Boat Race route map, is pronounced the same as 'ate', the past tense of 'to eat'. Simples! And 'eyot' is an old Anglo-Saxon word for a small island in a river. "Ey" meant an island (as in Jersey, Guernsey, Sheppey etc) and the "-ot" ending meant something small. People think this may be a French thing: Pierre in French means "Peter", and Pierrot means "Little Peter", but the jury's still out on that one.

4. 'Black buoy" - isn't racist by the way haha!!!!

[That's enough silly footnotes! - Ed]

21:00 We go to bed on this week's re-run of "The Wheeltappers and Shunters Social Club", the 1970's series that tried to recreate the sometimes rowdy atmosphere of a typical working-men's club in the north of England. As always on a Sunday evening, it's the peak-viewing focus of nostalgia channel "Talking Pictures TV", which is nice!

And it's heart-warming tonight, under the club's iconic "No Obscene Language on Ladies' Nights" sign, between all the scary "acrobatic acts (!), to see 1960's teenage sensation Helen Shapiro attempting a very 1970's come-back with her version of "Lean on Me".

"When you're not strong, I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on....", sings dear Helen, a good old "boomer", born in 1946, just like Lois and me.

And Lois and I are both definitely feeling "not strong" tonight and need some help with "carrying on" (!). Do you think Helen would come round and help us "carry on", maybe?

I wonder.... !

Lois is still recovering from her cataract operation in Guildford last week. And I've been feeling a cold coming on after an exhausting week, writing, and giving, a talk to my local U3A "History of English" group, and also cooking up some of my many signature dishes, such as Poached Egg Surprise, Tin of Mince Beef Surprise and other "faves" from my popular repertoire [You lazy bastard, Colin! - Ed].

We get quite a "lift", however, before getting into bed, again (!), by some of unpopular club chairman and turn-manager Colin Crompton's many "club notices", announced grim-facedly to members from Colin's usual stage-side table tonight.