Danskcolin: Monday June 16th 2025 "Are YOU an observational comic? - most of us are, aren't we 'for our sins' (!) "

Observational comics - we all have a hard life the world over, don't we. But spare a special thought today for the funny men of the Ice Shelfs, who often get a chilly reception (no pun intended!) from their sparse local audiences, to put it mildly [source: Onion News] !!!!

Poor Swithers !!!!

But reading Swithers' sad story this morning brings a bit of a wry smile to the lips of me and my medium-to-hard-pressed wife Lois, here in our current home in rural, semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire. And we find ourselves sobbing over husky Balto's missing toes, which is ridiculous!

It's all because our own lower "appendages" are coming under the spotlight today, courtesy of a certain local young lady called Zoe, or "Zoh the Toe", as we call her!

Yes, step forward, podiatrist Miss Zoe of the nearby town of Grayshott's "Toe'riffic Toes" clinic, where Lois and I will both be taking our socks and shoes off this morning, on another of our two-monthly toe-curling appointments at the clinic (no pun intended!!!).

me in nearby Grayshott this morning, waiting outside the toe-room

of local podiatrist "Zo the Toe" of "Toe'riffic Toes" clinic, while she "does" Lois

Yes, nothing says "You're old!" more than having to pay somebody to cut your toe-nails for you, not to mention removing any corns and verruccas at the same time! Still, at least it's relatively quick, and it gives us a chance to wander through the small town of Grayshott afterwards.

Lois and I are currently looking forward to a visit from our daughter Sarah, who'll be flying in from Perth, Australia next month with husband Francis and their 11-year-old twins Lily and Jessica.

flashback to 2022: Lois and me (right-hand screen) talking

to our daughter Sarah and family on zoom

This morning Lois and I can check the current exchange rate in the Post Office and also look at potential events they might like to attend, which is nice. And it's all over by 12 noon, and we can go home for a nice lunch and an afternoon in bed, which is a comforting thought, to put it mildly!!!

we amble along Grayshott's high street this morning, checking forthcoming events,

like an outdoor performance of Midsummer Nights Dream, and also exchange rates,

ahead of next month's visit from our daughter Sarah and family, who live in Perth

[Is that all you two "noggins" have done today, Colin - had your toes cut and then spent the afternoon n bed? - Ed]

Well, our afternoon hasn't been as restful as planned, if you must know! We'd hardly been in bed 5 minutes, this afternoon, before Lois's Huawei started beeping away under the bedclothes, with a call from Lee, who works for our estate agents.

we haven't been in bed five minutes this afternoon before Lois's Huawei

starts beeping under the bedclothes: it's Lee (above, right), who works for our estate agent

Kate, back in Malvern, "the third person in our marriage": Lee's calling us about

our old house in Malvern, which still hasn't sold after 5 months - what madness!!!

Let me put my cards on the table at this point. We only moved into our current home in Liphook, Hampshire, a mere 5 months ago, and our old house in Malvern, Worcestershire still hasn't been sold, although we're at the moment having a bit of a flurry of prospective buyers viewing the property after our second 2% price-cut. It's apparently very much a buyer's market at the moment, they tell us.

Lee says another "punter" has made us an offer this week, but her own chain has fallen through, so it's not brought us any further forward, which is a pity. Another downside is Lees' news today that the house next door to ours is now on the market too, which won't help prospects for a sale, to put it mildly!

our poor deserted former home in Malvern, Worcestershire

still unsold after 5 months. Poor house !!!!!

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

But wait, there's more! We'd hardly finished our call with Lee than something starts banging on, and squirting at, our bedroom window - what fresh hell is this haha!!!

Oh dear, "No peace for the wicked!", as Lois always says, with a wry smile! And "Who's the culprit?", I hear you ask! Step forward, Jason, whom we recently advertised for, and engaged, as our first window-cleaner since moving here to Liphook.

Luckily he uses a long pole so he's not looking in at us through our bedroom window, which is a bonus, but all his banging and squirting is adding an air of tension to our "idyll", to put it mildly. I calculate that in about 20 minutes he'll be ringing our doorbell, because he wants us to pay cash, so I'll have to go down and speak to him, which is a pity.

Overall, however, it's a good thing to be happening. Our windows haven't been cleaned since Lois and I moved in, back in January, and their filthy state is beginning to have an adverse effect on our activities as "nosy neighbours" - yes, they're that filthy, would you believe!!!

flashback to our previous careers as "nosy neighbours"

(left) in Cheltenham in 2021, and (right) in Malvern in March 2024

So to sum up, this much anticipated afternoon in bed is not the afternoon we planned, to put it mildly, and very much a case of "nappus interruptus" (!!!).

That phrase, "nappus interruptus", is at least a phrase we can use, perhaps to comic effect (!), if and when we join the local "Old Codgers" Intermediate Latin group in nearby Haslemere, just over the county line in Surrey, as we plan to do. On Friday we've got an interview with group leader Joe, so we've been practising a few phrases like "nappus interruptus", which might impress the old guy, hopefully!

But watch this space on that one! [I 'm not holding my breath! - Ed]

flashback to May: U3A (Haslemere) "old codger" group leaders,

here meeting with the town's new lady mayoress, Jean Arrick (centre)

Let me put my cards on the table at this point. Lois, and, particularly Yours Truly, are long-time "language buffs", and our sudden interest in Intermediate Latin is just the latest of our little "forays" in that particular direction (!).

Tonight, when we're on the sofa, feeling a bit jaded after all this afternoon's "alarms and incursions [by Jason!) ", we turn on another episode from the BBC's 1980's adaptation of Jane Austen's "Mansfield Park", eager to study the early 1800's form of English used by the book's colourful characters.

Here's tonight's "head-scratcher number one" for you! Consider this scene, where poor relation Fanny [Price] goes over the fields to call on rich relative Mary [Crawford], to ask her advice on what to wear at the upcoming ball, arranged by her uncle Sir Thomas. Mary suggest that instead of going for a walk, the two women could chat about the pros and cons of current "ball-wear", up in her room.

Two things to notice here: Fanny asks Mary "Do you go for a walk?", using the simple present tense, whereas, nowadays, we would probably say "Are you going for a walk?", using the present continuous.

[Big deal! - Ed]

Also, may I draw your attention to Mary's suggestion of "going up to [her] room and having a comfortable coze [sic] together". And, in case you're wondering, there isn't anything remotely "smutty" about this suggestion - "having a coze" just meant "having a chat", in those far-off, crazy times!

"Got that one! Easy peasy!", I expect you're saying!

Well now, here's head-scratcher number two for you, and this may be a bit more of a challenge!

In this scene, Mary's brother Henry offers Fanny's brother William, who has to travel to London, a ride in his fine private carriage, so that William won't have to take the standard bumpy ride on the public mail coach.