Danskcolin: Monday May 19th 2025 "What's the secret of being 'the cool grandpa'? Yours Truly would TRULY like to know [no pun intended !!!!] "

Let me put my cards on the table at this point. Yours Truly has been a grandpa since 2006, so almost 19 years. And he STILL hasn't "cracked" the secret of being the cool one.

There's precious little advice out there, in open source at least, although as a former humble deskbound medium-to-top-secret agent for HM Government, I suspect there's like, a billion classified reports that the powers-that-be are probably keeping back from us, don't you think?

Yes, "How to be a cool grandpa" is 'sensitive', apparently, but how to be "the cool uncle" - that's a whole different kettle-o'-fish, seemingly. And several documents which have at last been declassified after a flurry of Freedom-of-Information injunctions, together with articles 'planted' in the press by "government-friendly" journalists, give plenty of pointers, as evidenced in today's Onion News - just turn to p.94, and you'll see what I mean !!!!

Poor Uncle Glenn !!!!!

flashback to 2003, and the last certified "outbreak" of "Hulkamania",

the strain for which scientists eventually developed a vaccine

I take courage from Uncle Glenn's example, however - at least he's trying, with his outdated Incredible Hulk gear, and this morning, when my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I visit Luff's Farm Shop and Garden Centre this morning, I recall Uncle Glenn's tragic dilemma.

Luff's Farm Shop and Garden Centre, with [inset]

Yours Truly with medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois

And I also keep a good look out for any "Hulkamania" memorabilia on sale at Luffs, as Lois and I go up and down the aisles this morning - hopefully there'll be some old "hulka-stock" (!) still unsold since 2003, you would have thought, but in fact the nearest I can get to it is some Giant-sized Leaf Grabbers, not marked up with "Hulk" Stickers, which is a pity, but these will have to do for the present.

But watch this space !!!!

Lois and me this morning checking out Luffs'

selection of chutneys and "guilt-free ready meals"....

... and (left) us again, still at Luff's, pushing round our trolley,

and (right) me, relaxing at home with my shiny-new "Hulk-style" jumbo leaf grabbers

And it's really annoying that we've had to get a load of garden tools today, including fork, rake, jumbo leaf-grabbers etc, because we used to have all these things in our garden shed in Cheltenham, as recently as 2023. However, when we 'downsized' in November 2023 to a tiny house with a tiny garden in Malvern, Worcestershire, we got rid of most of our garden tools.

Now, having slightly 'upsized', in January this year, to our current tiny-to-medium house with tiny-to-medium garden in Liphook, Hampshire, we find that we need garden tools again.

flashback to October 31st 2024: we look round the tiny-to-medium

house and garden in Liphook, Hampshire, that we eventually decide to buy

What madness, isn't it you've got to agree !!!! But hopefully now we've got our size right at last. And "size matters", they always say, to put it mildly!

14:00 Yes, weeds - you can't let them get too much of a hold, can you. And in bed this afternoon, during statutory "nap-time", Lois and I have a chuckle over the latest set of amusing Venn diagrams picked out for us by Steve, our American brother-in-law.

Is "Reform UK" a bit like Japanese knotweed? And certainly, there's no better way to "demonise" an unpleasant phenomenon than to give it a foreign name, like the famous "Spanish flu" of 1918, that wasn't Spanish at all.

On the other hand, Reform UK party leader Nigel Farage is always quick to dismiss charges that he's "anti-foreign", pointing to his Irish first wife, his German second wife, and his current French "squeeze" (!). "I'm not anti-foreign", he will say, "just anti-EU!".

And I don't mean Nigel "pointed to them" physically - I don't suppose that all three women have often been in the same room as each other, to put it mildly! Let's hope not, anyway!!!!

Nigel Farage, seen here with his current French "squeeze",

right-wing politician Laure Ferrari

However, looking back in history, Japanese knotweed is just the latest in a whole long line of foreign so-called threats to the UK.

Remember the great "Russian vine" menace of a few years ago, the so-called "mile-a-minute" vines that a couple of years ago were seen as the main threat to the survival of Britain, its very lifestyle and its culture?

And do you remember that episode of "Ladies of Letters" when Irene, played by Anne Reid, talking to her horrified friend Vera (Maureen Lipman) famously compared her then current "squeeze", Bill, to one of those rogue Russian 'invaders'?

What madness it was, wasn't it!!!!

13:00 Anyway, the important thing is, that Lois is happy as a sand-girl, now that she's got a garden, not just to look after, but to re-design and re-jig etc.

To me, on the other hand, keeping the garden looking nice is just a chore, like taking out the garbage, and I have to keep reminding myself that, to Lois, this is one of her many beloved hobbies, if not her number one (!), it must surely be at least number two on her list (!).

It takes all sorts to make a world, doesn't it haha!!!!

flashback to Sunday: us finishing off lunch with a cup of tea on the patio,

looking out at our tiny-to-medium garden [not shown]

And now we're only a month away from the summer solstice, and, when we go to bed these days, at 10 pm, the sky is still light here in Liphook, Hampshire - latitude 51N. And the longer days give Lois even more time to "get down and dirty" in the flower-beds (!).

Imagine what it's like for women up in the faraway Faroe Islands - latitude 62N, as we find out in tonight's latest TV celebrity travelogue, this time presented by Martin Clunes of "Doc Martin" fame.

As we find out, however, women don't seem to like it that far up, after all, which is a bit of a surprise to put it mildly!

Yes, the Faroe Islands - not the most comfortable of places to live, generally, as presenter Martin finds out tonight.

Poor Martin !!!!!!

For the men of the Faeroes, it's a man's life, however, drinking outside in the taverns till late at night, maybe going out on your fishing boat for weeks on end, although not so much fun for the women left behind to do the housework, look after the kids etc.

As a result, women have been leaving the Faroes in droves, creating a serious imbalance of the sexes. And the men have been fighting back, by bringing in mail-order women from abroad.

For Faroese men, the favourite source of these mail-order women is Thailand, and the Thais are now the biggest immigrant group in the islands, whether as wives, partners, masseuses or sex-workers. In tonight's programme, Martin talks to Kongrak Joekladal, the Thai manager of a massage parlour in the capital, Torshavn.

For the Thai women, whether wives or sex-workers, it's a difficult transition to make, to put it mildly, as Kongrak confirms to Martin, who asks, "Was it a bit overwhelming when you first came to live here?"

That's the spirit, Kongrak !!!

The Thai women are certainly filling the void created by the departure of the Faroese women, and luckily there is no such imbalance in the animal world, Martin discovers.

Female sea-birds, for example, don't mind the nasty weather here, and have opted to stay on in the islands, to the delight of the males, as Martin also finds out tonight. And this includes that most adorable of species, the puffin, which is nice.

Here, on a clifftop, Martin observes one of these little creatures, also known as "the parrot of the seas", in company with respected local naturalist Silaf Olafson.