Yes, those botanists with their filthy jokes and their 'potty minds'. Can't they just 'grow up'?
You'll recall the story that started all the rumpuses back in April, in the Onion News for East Hampshire, probably, but here's the full text in case you missed it! It's stirred up a veritable "hornet's nest of furores" (!), hasn't it, over the last 4 months, that's for sure!
The Onion News story, with its lewd references to "rosy buds", "virgin thistles" and "sausage trees" (!) certainly put the cat among the pigeons, didn't it, if you recall, with local church groups threatening to ban botanists from their services, which my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I thought was a bit of an overreaction.
Unfortunately Yours Truly, and this (confounded) blog of mine (!), added fuel to the fire, at the time, with an innocent account of a walk Lois and I took through nearby Radford Park, later dubbed "Rude-ford Park" by the tabloids. Remember?
It all started when we spotted this plant, and, after research, discovered that it had yet another rude name that some botanist had christened it with, would you believe!
April 5th: Lois showcasing an unusual plant carrying what we fear
may be a host of "naughty names" - embarrassing !!!!!
After researching the plant through google, Lois and I realised that it was a rare yellow version of a hermaphrodite "arum maculatum", popularly known also, as an "adam-and-eve", a "lords-and-ladies", or a "jack-in-the-pulpit", due to its alleged similarity to male and female genitalia in a state of copulation, when it's at home (!).
For weeks, Lois and I referred to the plant by one of its more mysterious but superficially "more respectable" names - the "cuckoo-pint". Until later, when I read on the web that the "pint" in "cuckoo-pint" is just a euphemism for "pintle", an old word for a penis.
What a crazy world we live in !!!!!
flashback to April 16th: Lois and I discover a rare example of a yellow "jack-in-the-pulpit",
on a morning walk through nearby Radford Park, dubbed "Rude-ford Park" by the tabloids (!)
That all happened 4 months ago, and eventually the rumpus seemed to die down, so hopefully, in my blog for today, I can report the happy outcome of all that hermaphroditical copulation - a lovely harvest of red and yellow berries - without causing a storm!!!
Don't tell the tabloids this time, however, just in case! It'll just be our secret !!!!!
Psst!! On our walk today through what the tabloids have dubbed "Rude-ford Park",
I can report that our "adam-and-eves" have given birth to whole clutches of red berry "babies",
which is nice!! But don't tell the tabloids - let's give the plants some privacy this time !!!!
Our walk in the park this morning proves to be delightful, but apart from those red berries, fairly uneventful, although we do log sightings of two different sorts of tits in the bushes today, which is one for the record-books!
And also this morning, Lois takes the opportunity to pick lots of blackberries along the way, which we gobble down on the spot, somewhat guiltily - but we've always been attracted to instant gratification (!), and I make no apology for that [Why not? - Ed].
one our walk through Radford Park today, we pick blackberries
and wolf them down on the spot - somewhat guiltily, I might add !!!!!
It's nice to feel we're doing something so naughty - allegedly! We recently hosted a visit by our daughter Sarah and family, who jetted in from Perth, Australia on July 12th and jetted out again back home to Perth on July 29th.
During their visit, our son-in-law Francis delivered a number of his trademark "health-and-safety" briefings, mainly directed to Sarah and their 12-year-old twins Lily and Jessica, but also to Lois and me, including one on the advisability of always washing freshly-picked fruit before eating.
What madness !!!!
flashback to mid-July: our son-in-law Francis giving two of his trademark
health-and-safety briefings: (left) his "How I Stay Safe in London" (his HISIL),
and his iconic "How I Light Candles Safely on Cakes" (his HILC-SOC),
delivered on the twins' 12th birthday - awwwww!!!!!
Sarah, Francis and the twins are now back home in Australia, and our other daughter, Alison, has just flown to Mauritius on a two-week break with her family - husband Edward and their 3 teenage kids.
It's tempting for Lois and me to envy them both on this rather gloomy day in Liphook, Hampshire, UK, until we remember that it's actually warmer where we are, would you believe! After all, both Perth and Mauritius are down in the Southern Hemisphere, and it's really their winter.
Mauritius and Perth, on either side of the Indian Ocean,
where it's currently winter, would you believe!!!!
What a crazy planet we live on!
The photos that Ali and Ed are sending back look idyllic. But here are the numbers - yesterday it only got up to 72F (22C) here in Liphook, nothing marvellous for July, admittedly, but the top temperature in Mauritius was only 68F (20C). What madness, isn't it !!!
(left) the temperature in Liphook yesterday, and (right)
the temperature in Mauritius, where our daughter Alison and family
are holidaying - what madness !!!!
[That's enough madness! - Ed]
Our daughter Ali and son-in-law Edward, "basking" in Mauritius, but is it all one big charade, with temperatures there only peaking at 68F (20C) today?
Poor Ali and Ed !!!!!!
And are those "idyllic" background beach scenes merely pictures in their hotel room perhaps?
I think we should be told, don't you? And quickly, if it's not too much to ask !!!!
And Perth, where our other daughter Sarah isn't doing much better, according to my Facebook news feed.
Oh dear! Poor Sarah and Francis !!!!
I think, all in all, Lois and I are better off where we are, don't you, here in rural, semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire UK.
That's what we tell ourselves, anyway !!!!!
20:00 We go to bed on tonight's concert in the BBC's "Proms" series, unusually tonight being broadcast not from the Royal Albert Hall, London, but from some hall in Gateshead, way up in the chilly North East of England (!).
An interesting experiment to hold one of the Prom series up at the Glasshouse, in Gateshead, and lovely music, but there are certainly a few pitfalls along the way.
It's a nice surprise, certainly, to see comic actor Martin Clunes appearing as tonight's soloist on Bach's Keyboard Concerto No.1 in D, but also a little unnerving to watch him struggling on the seat they've given him, that's for sure!
Comic actor Martin Clunes performing as the soloist
on Bach's iconic Keyboard Concerto in D
Why oh why did they only give Martin a child's piano to play on, forcing him to sit on a child's seat, only just able to squeeze his knees under the keyboard?
Soloist Martin is only given a child's piano, forcing him to sit on
a child's seat, just about able to get his knees under the keyboard
- what madness !!!!!
Surely this debacle alone, if nothing else, will convince the Proms organisers never to take their concerts to the wilds of Gateshead ever again!
Somehow, anyway, Martin manages to put on a bravura performance, and when, at the end, the audience calls for an 'encore', Lois and I, as usual, are shouting "Give us your 'Chopsticks', Martin!" at the screen, but to no avail once more!
Conductor Dinis Sousa drags a visibly wilting Martin Clunes (child's piano)
to his feet, amid audience calls of "Encore!"
Ignoring mine and Lois's requests for the "Chopsticks" theme, Clunes picks "Air on a G-string", probably a wise choice given his obvious exhaustion - it's much easier than "Chopsticks" after all, despite its so-called "classier" reputation (!).
It's at this point that Lois and I begin to suspect that there's some friction going on between Clunes and the rest of the orchestra, because we watch them obviously "sitting on their hands" and refusing to take part in Clunes' encore.
But if YOU know what caused the "atmosphere" tonight, do let me know - postcards only remember!
Clunes (child's piano) sits down to play his encore,
while the rest of the orchestra pointedly sit on their hands
What's going on? Can somebody please tell me !!!!
Will this do?
[Do you call that a 'review', Colin? - Ed]
But will it do?
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!
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