Tuesday August 6th 2025 "Friends, are YOU ugly? Or is that a rude question haha !!!"

Yes, friends, I'm talking ugliness today! It's something we like to sweep under the carpet, isn't it, particularly if we're ugly ourselves - not sure why haha !!!!

If you are ugly - and most of us are - I wonder, have you ordered your shiny new Spanx shapewear hood yet? See this morning's Onion News print edition for details, but in Yours Truly's humble opinion it's a "one size fits all" dream-come-true, and it solves a lot of our ugliness problems, particularly in that troublesome "head" department, doesn't it!

Sounds like a dream come true, doesn't it - especially the "svelte, film-star-like" bit, not particularly the "painful death by strangulation" bit, which, let's face it, can easily be avoided with a bit of old-fashioned common sense !!!!

Let me put my cards on the table at this point! [I do wish you wouldn't keep doing that, Colin! - Ed]

My medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I want to look our absolute best this week, because we've got a number of "very important people" - VIPs if you will! - coming to visit us this week, here in our lovely new home in rural, semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, thereby shattering our normally quiet existence!

me and my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois - a recent picture

And as Lois and I normally live a quiet life, in each other's pockets 24/7, this is going to be a quite a big week, to put it mildly!

Our first VIP visitor - Andrew - is due to be ringing our doorbell at around 4pm, so during afternoon "nap-time" today, we have one last chance to be in each other's pockets, although slightly nervously, keeping one eye on the clock, in case Andrew decides to arrive early, as I expect you can imagine! 

We don't mind the nervous tension today, however, because Andrew has promised to "enhance our lives", so fair enough - and we're fully up for it, to put it mildly!

You've probably guessed, by now, who this Andrew is - am I right? Or am I right!!! Yes, it's "Andrew the windows guy", who's promising not merely to "enhance our lives", but also to "improve our housing" at the same time, so what's not to like !!!!

"Andrew the windows guy" - our VIP visitor today, 

who's going to be enhancing our lives, which is nice!

Lois and I have a number of problem windows to show "Andrew the windows-guy" when he visits us in our home in Liphook, Hampshire this afternoon. We only moved in in January, so we're fairly new to the property. And when we first looked round the house with our estate-agent last October, we failed to spot most of the house's windows issues, which was a pity.

flashback to October: we view our new home for the first time

(arrows shockingly indicate some of the 'dodgy' windows!!!!)

Worst window of all is the one in our bedroom, would you believe, and you'll see why in this next picture!!!

me, this afternoon, showcasing our extraordinary

bedroom window with its catch just inches from floor level !!!

Crazy design isn't it! Who would put a window catch down there just a couple of inches above the floor, and it's actually illegal, we've discovered, because of the health-and-safety issues. And why would you want a window like that in your bedroom, anyway unless you wanted the facility to make a quick exit, say?

why would anybody put a window opening so close to the floor,

except to cater for a swift exit maybe? I think we should be told !!!

What madness!!!!

Although, with hindsight, I suppose it was also a good way to keep an eye out for potential visitors when you were taking your afternoon nap, do you think?

another unwelcome afternoon caller, perhaps, and another tragic

case of "nappus interruptus" maybe ?????

I wonder....!!!!

Back in Roman times, in Italy, they didn't bother with putting glass in bedroom windows at all, which makes better sense to us, although they did have the right climate for it, admittedly! 

Lois and I have become addicted to Dan Snow's new Channel 5 series on the ruined Roman town of Pompeii, buried by volcanic ash during the eruption of Mt Vesuvius in 79 AD. And in last week's programme the series' history consultant Dr Kate Lister, was showing us round one of the town's many brothels.

There's a new episode on tonight, and, predictably, Lois and I are glued to our TV screen once again!

 

It turns out that, like Lois and me, the Romans spent a lot of time in bed at odd times, but not always at the same time as us, although they too had "two sleeps a day", as British archaeologist Hannah Platts tells presenter Dan.

That kind of makes sense to Lois and me, but one mystery remains after this fascinating programme finishes tonight.

We still don't understand why the Romans loved to eat lying down, as we see being demonstrated in this reconstruction of a Roman villa excavated in Somerset, UK, where Dr Kate shows us this reconstructed "triclinium" - the dining room, furnished with 3 couches.

At first sight, it seems delightfully luxurious, but have you thought about the downsides? Dr Kate explains.

And not even to think about the effects on their digestive systems, who wants to go to bed with bits of, say, shepherd's pie or toad in the hole sticking to them?

Not Lois and me! We like to leave our food behind us, be it on the table or on the floor (!), not still there on our skin or on our bodies, when we climb the stairs at 10 o'clock. We don't want to get toad-in-the-hole all over both us and our bedsheets too, into the bargain. Call us over-fastidious if you like haha !!!!

Talking of which, just look at the time!

Byeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!