Saturday August 2nd 2025 "What would YOUR life have been like, if you hadn't been born British?"

Yes, Dear Reader, have you ever imagined what your life would be like if you hadn't been born British? A bit of a scary thought isn't it!

And yet when my medium-to-long suffering wife Lois and I opened our Onion News print edition this morning here in rural, semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, we discovered - really for the first time - that some people delight in such fantasies, like local man Peter Brown, whom you'll find just down the road from us, in lovely Betty Mundy's Bottom, would you believe!

"But, Peter," Lois and I are longing to say to him, "you can't go on living vicariously for ever, you know!

We're fine ones to talk, though! Because for Lois and me, living vicariously, in far-flung climes, is a bit of "a thing" at the moment (!). 

Just 7 days ago, we were dining on pizzas in Liphook's iconic Guido's Italian Restaurant with our "extended family" - our two lovely daughters Alison and Sarah, plus our two dashing sons-in-law and our five adorable grandchildren. But since mid-week, they've all flown off to the Southern Hemisphere: Sarah and family back to their home in Perth, Australia, and Alison and family off for a fortnight's break in tropical Mauritius in the faraway Indian Ocean. Sob, sob !!!!

Today, however, Lois and I are all on our ownsome again, and all we've got to show for it is the last of the piles of bedsheets we've been washing since their visit. Sob, sob (again) !!!!

(left) flashback to last Saturday - us with our 2 daughters and sons-in-law and our five

grandchildren outside Guido's in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, and (centre, right) 

us on our own again, with the piles of bedsheets we've been hanging out since the visit (!)

Poor us !!!!

For now, however, Lois and I on our morning walk, can imagine ourselves living vicariously on the tropical island of Mauritius, gazing longingly at the floods of pictures coming back from Alison and family. And not only that, but tonight we can vicariously join area man Peter Brown in Egypt (see Onion News story above!), because Bettany Hughes will be starting her new series on the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, and where else would be she be doing it but in Egypt, no less, which will be nice!

So look out for Lois and me among the pyramids tonight, Peter - we're on our way, to put it mildly !!!

(1) us on our lonely morning walk in indifferent weather around Liphook's "rec" 

(recreation ground), deserted except for us and a couple of dog-walkers (!)

(2) us getting ready for bed this afternoon with our copy of Radio Times, fuelling

our Egyptian fantasies on pictures of lovely Bettany among the pyramids (!), 

and (3) and (4) lovely pictures of our daughter Alison and family on tropical Mauritius

[You two "noggins" really ought to get out more, Colin! - Ed]

20:00 Eight o'clock, and at last Lois and I are in Egypt with Bettany (spiritually!) - just the three of us, as it turns out. Area man Peter Brown hasn't turned up to make a fourth, would you believe, but that's his loss haha !!!!

Lois and I didn't realise that the 4,600-year-old Great Pyramid of Giza is actually not just the oldest but also the heaviest building in the world, at 6.5 million tons, which is 20 times as heavy as the Empire State Building in New York, for example.

If you visit the pyramid, however, take what your guide says about it with a good pinch of salt. The Greek historian Herodotus visited the pyramid around 500 BC, and he was told a pack of lies by his Egyptian tour guide, so be very careful !!!!

It's not that beautiful, Bettany - you liar haha !!!! Even the tour guide's better looking if you ask us haha!!!!

Lots of other interesting facts come out of Bettany's lovely mouth tonight, however, ones that Lois and I didn't know also. It was the Greeks who first called them pyramids, which means a cake - the Egyptian word - "mer" - just meant a place of ascension, a kind of a launching pad from which to send dead pharaohs on their way to heaven. The pyramids looked quite different in ancient times, with a limestone casing and a triangular gold capstone on the top, both of which features have now gone, which is a pity.

The Giza pyramid was the first proper pyramid to be built, although older "practice" versions, i.e. prototypes, have been found further south at Saqqara. 

This particular "Wonder of the Ancient World", the Great Pyramid of Giza, which probably took 25 years to build, was designed as a launch-pad for an early king of all Egypt, called Khufu. His body has never been found, so maybe the plan worked, do you think? Was the apparent sarcophagus just included as a decoy? On the other hand there are areas of the pyramid's insides that still haven't been penetrated, so the jury's still out on that one. 

A new theory, not yet proven, was that the pyramid was built "from the inside out", which would have been handy, saving a lot of lifting, and keeping the building workers dry in any inclement weather. The Nile was much nearer the pyramid in those crazy, far-off times, and a system of pipes, channels seem to have been introduced to bring water into the centre of the pyramid. This could have been used to raise building blocks on rafts inside the pyramid to be used on the upper levels. 

There's an apparent "elevator shaft" in the middle of the pyramid, which has puzzled historians for decades. Could this be the answer to the puzzle?

Fascinating stuff, isn't it! But what a crazy world they lived in, in those far-off times !!!!

Bettany doesn't mention, however, that this feat, if true, predates by several millennia the famous climbing of Mount Everest from the inside, that took place in the 1950's. Remember that?

And people said that idea was crazy, would you believe!

Crazy it may have been, but it worked, seemingly!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!