Friday May 30th 2025 "Are YOU planning to have another baby - well there's no time like the present, that's for sure!"

Yes, friends, are you and your significant current "squeeze". Well, my advice to you is "Get on with it!" or is it "Get it on with it" - my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I have been officially diagnosed as "clinically old" and we're not always sure of what the current PC (politically correct) "lingo" is, for this week (or for next week, come to that!!!) (!). 

By the end of next week we'll both be 79, would you believe, and maybe we've hesitated too long to have our third child - it's nearly 48 years since our last "happy event", but your views welcome, as always !!!!

me and my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois this morning:

yes, the rumour mill surrounding us here in Hampshire 

is certainly working overtime at the moment, but  could we really 

soon be hearing the patter of tiny feet again, after nearly 50 years (!)

[No! - Ed]

Certainly Lois and I have been thinking about it, however, and all the current talk about longer paternity leave for hard-working dads has "set the cat among the pigeons", hasn't it, at least according to this morning's Onion News. Did YOU see today's "lead", potential mums and dads, before you got out of bed and dashed off to work on the proverbial "eight thirty train to Clapham" or whatever the current "PC expression" is ????

Bet you did!!! 

Yes, it sounds like good news, doesn't it, the idea of longer paternity leave, "floated" recently by flagship UK business services company Deloitte, inspired by the views of the Princess of Wales no less! 

And yet to some expectant mums, the prospect of having 'dad' around for longer certainly isn't all sunshine and rose-petals, to put it mildly, according to Lois's copy of "The Week" magazine, which gives a digest of the last week of news from home and abroad, and which "plopped" through our letterbox this morning, here in rural, semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire! 

Step forward, a certain Ms Tilly MacDonald of Spean Bridge, up there in Spean Bridge, Inverness-shire, Scotland, who, in a letter to The Times newspaper confesses she is dreading the prospect of all the extra meals and afternoon sex that her husband will soon be demanding from her, during his enforced, extended paternity leave (!).

Here's how her sad letter starts - I've spared you some of the details !!!!

Poor Tilly !!!!!

And certainly, for Lois and me this afternoon, there's simply no time either for sex or even for watching "Homes Under the Hammer", clad in milk-stained bras or milk-stained anythings [sic] (!), because we're both "tied up" (not literally!!!) with our onerous duties as members of Liphook, Hampshire's "old codger" community, to put it mildly!

Lois is busy preparing a talk for her church's online "sisters' meeting" next week (about which more later), while I myself have got to chair another online 'zoom' meeting of the local U3A old codgers' "History of English" group, which I'm currently the leader of, "for my sins" !!!!

(left) Lois preparing for her talk to the local "sisters" at her church, 

and (right) me chairing another stormy session of the local 

U3A Old Codgers "History of English" group

In my case, luckily there are only 5 of us elderly "language buffs" online this afternoon, so it's easier than usual for me, as "chairperson" to keep order among this famously rowdy bunch! Hilary's allegedly "got something more important to do", and Peter is probably having trouble getting his 'zoom' up again - well he is well into his eighties!!!! 

It's an enjoyable meeting, however, with Darryl showing his familiarity with many Mediterranean European languages, particularly French, Spanish, Portuguese etc, i.e. the languages that developed out of Latin, after the fall of the Roman Empire in the 5th century AD.

(coloured blue) the areas of Europe where people speak languages 

that developed out of Latin after the fall of the Roman Empire

Darryl told us how the Latin word for "to speak" (loqui) was judged to be "too complicated" by the French, Spanish etc and how they found some simpler words to substitute for it, for example "parlare" in Italian and French, and "hablar" in Spanish.

I didn't know that "parlare" originally meant "to speak in parables" and "hablar" meant "to talk in fables". What madness, wasn't it !!!!

After that, I followed Darryl by discussing why so many tribes throughout the ages counted on their fingers, and hence came up with our current standard 10-based decimal system of numbering. 

I also discuss how tribes who didn't wear socks used their toes to count on, as well as their fingers, and hence developed 20-based systems; and how tribes who wore virtually nothing at all, like the Oksamin people of New Guinea, who didn't really wear anything much at all, counted using a lot of other of their "appendages" (!), coming up eventually with a 27-based system.

the Oksamin people of New Guinea - developers of an 

amazing 27-based numerical system based on their various "appendages"

If only the Oksamin system had caught on! Imagine all the benefits that would have accrued from a 27-based system, in terms of the development of higher maths and maybe the sciences too? 

I wonder....! Although it might have been a bit chilly doing all that work with no clothes on, like Oxford Maths Professor Tim Crawford does, so it's swings and roundabouts really. I'm happy to stick with my fingers, but your views welcome, as usual !!!

Oxford professor Tim Crawford, "The Naked Mathematician"

[That's enough whimsy! And is that all you two "noggins" have done today, Colin - just a bit of afternoon work staring at computer screens? - Ed]

Absolutely not! We've also been doing a lot of "birthday-related" work. After our morning walk over Old Man Lowsley's Farm, our daughter Alison dropped by to pick up our present to her husband, an official "Tour de France Winner" yellow jersey for hotshot London lawyer and keen amateur cyclist, Edward. 

(left) our daughter Alison drops by to pick up our birthday present to her husband Edward,

a hotshot London lawyer and keen amateur cyclist, and (right) flashback to the 

2010s, and Edward with a friend in front of Buckingham Palace, on a charity bike ride

And Lois turns 79 next week, so  I ordered my birthday present to her and also booked us a lunchtime table for two at Adriano's, nearby Beacon Hill's stylish Italian restaurant. Also Lois has done more planting in the garden. So this Friday has been "busy busy busy" all the way, that's for sure!!!

No peace for the wicked haha!!!

nearby small town Beacon Hill's cultural "centre of gravity"

- stylish Italian restaurant Adriano's, where Lois and I

have booked a lunchtime birthday table-for-two next week

20:00 We go to bed on this week's edition of Gardener's World, which is timely, because Lois has spent a lot of time in our tiny back garden today, not just planting veg, but checking on our little clutch of bumble bee eggs. She says they're still there, all 13 of what-we-call "our little babies", although they're really Elsie's, which is the name we've give the egg's "mum" !!!

The eggs are looking a bit more wizened than yesterday, Lois reports, but we'll keep you updated, that's a "Colin Promise", so watch this space!

flashback to yesterday: I toast the arrival of what Lois and I are calling

"our future family" of 13 little bee's eggs in our tiny back-garden in Liphook

That's why Lois and I are particularly keen to watch Monty Don tonight, TV's "Mr Gardening", because the programme's bee expert, Martin Dohrn, is due to be telling viewers all about the 60 or so species of bee that he's identified in his own garden: and yes, you heard right - sixty species of bee in one garden!!!

One of Martin's 60 species is the so-called "mining bee", which Lois and I have never heard of, but Martin tells us all about his own pet mining-bee-queen, which is nice!

Who would have known, eh?!!! And Martin keeps careful tabs on whether this little mining bee is at home, or whether she's gone out.

Well, Lois and I certainly know that feeling! We've only been living in our current home in Liphook for just 4 months, and when we're driving about this little rural, semi-leafy Hampshire town, we still use a roadside oak tree as our clue to know where we turn off the main road to get to our cosy little home!

Is Martin getting a bit too involved with his bees? It's a suspicion, because he seems to be "stalking" his little mining-bee's potential suitors or "gentleman callers", even watching them have sex, and - call us prudes if you like, but we think that's a bit creepy!

I think you've "pulled", you little male mining-drone!

But, equally... 

You sicko, Martin! Put your camera away, and do it now. Give the little creatures a bit of privacy.

You really must try and stay in more haha!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!

Thursday May 29th 2025 "Did YOU give Taylor Swift a cheer for her courage when she gave birth live on TV? We certainly did!"

Do you remember that right-royal, truly magic moment 6 years ago when world-class pop-star Taylor Swift gave birth to twins during the Billboard Music Awards presentations, live on stage? My medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I were awake in bed at 3am toasting the Queen of Pop's "happy event" back in our old house in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire, that's for sure! 

And we thought it was a pity that Beyoncé made all that fuss, threatening to take Her Majesty the Queen of Pop to court over alleged "breach of copyright". What a nonsense all that was!

A case of "sour grapes", was it, Beyoncé! Just because Taylor gave birth to twins, while you just 'conjured up' a "singleton", maybe? Lois and I, on the other hand, didn't waste any time in bed that night, celebrating the Queen of Pop and her shiny new "brats" (!), let me tell YOU! 

And if we do it for twins, we're not going to ignore the happy "tredecaplets" event that we were blessed with today here in our own household in rural, semi-rural Liphook, Hampshire - that's for sure as well! 

 

my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I,

relaxing after the birth of another 13 "children"

Yes, and I know the story unfortunately got garbled on its way round the neighbourhood, that's for sure, so you may have swallowed the obvious "fake news" that Lois had somehow managed to give birth to 13 babies this morning - let me tell you that, although she doesn't look it, she's going to be 79 next week, so that particular "ship" sailed for us a long time ago to put it mildly!!!!

And yes you've guessed it! Our local "happy event" is just that our pet queen bumble bee Elsie has laid 13 eggs today in our charming back-garden bee "colony". We're calling Elsie's thirteen shiny new eggs "our new children", and in a way we're entitled to do that, because we do think of them as part of our family. We did everything humanly possible to landscape the area and create a romantic atmosphere in the colony, in the hope of encourage our plucky band of pet drones to "get busy" with Elsie.

flashback to May 9th, the day our new gardener Mitchell discovered

the bee colony in our back garden here in rural, semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire

I even played some of "Walrus of Love" Barry White's songs on YouTube on my mobile phone a few times out there in the back garden, just to put our little drones in the mood, so fair enough, I say! And for the moment I'm calling the little buggers my children, no doubt about that!

flashback to earlier today: (left) Barry White, the Walrus of Love, 

has worked his magic again and (centre) our 13 pet drones have 

"done their stuff" (or should I call them 'our late pet drones' 

(the poor buggers!!!!!) , and (right) me toasting Elsie

and her 13 'happy events - not so happy for the drones, 

although I expect they enjoyed it at the time  haha!!!!

At 79, it's a nice feeling for Yours Truly to become a "daddy" again, anyway, if only by proxy! And the thought keeps me going today as I battle to prepare for tomorrow's online meeting of the local U3A "History of English" old-codger group that I lead (for my sins !!!!). 

The topic is "numbers, quirks of counting and other quirks of arithmetical language", and as usual my so-called members haven't managed to come up with many ideas as yet, so it'll be for "muggins" here to fill most of tomorrow's 90 minutes with my own stuff, which is annoying, to put it mildly! 

a typical online meeting of our local U3A "old codger"

"History of English" group

Some Brits count on the fingers of two hands, which means that they can go up to a maximum of ten - hence our decimal system, although many people round the world base their counting on twenties, taking in also their toes, whenever they haven't got any socks on, that is.

However, I discover in my researches today that the Oksapmin people of New Guinea, who don't wear a lot of clothes generally, can count using a bigger selection of body parts, up to a maximum of 27. For example by the number 14 they've got round to the nose, and the eyes are 13 and 15, so it goes "left eye, nose, right eye" for 13, 14, 15. 

Also used are the ears, neck, shoulder, 4 parts of the arm and some other parts I won't mention (!). Presumably their numbers as a whole, therefore, are on a 27-base system, which must make their higher mathematics extraordinarily complex. Rather them than me!

But what a truly crazy world we live in !!!!!

the Oksamin people of New Guinea - can count up to 27

using not just fingers but various other body parts. What madness !!!!

Still, it's all very natural isn't it, and Lois and I are very into "getting back to nature" at the moment, although not as much as the Oksamin peoples when it comes to clothing, at least - oh no, dear, not in Hampshire haha!!! 

Mine and Lois's new "nature kick" is, if I'm honest, probably just because the BBC are showing their annual "Springwatch" nature programme Monday through Thursdays this week and next. 

And when we take our daily walk through nearby Radford Park, we go into raptures over the birds identified on my phone by my shiny new "merlin" app, and also, today, over some tiny black dragonflies that seem to be swarming there today - well, why not, the little buggers have only got one day to play with, so why not see what Radford Park has to offer haha!!!!

us on our daily walk this morning through nearby Radford Park:

(top right) the 9 birds whose songs we were hearing at 11:39 (!)

and (bottom right) a lovely black dragonfly pausing on a nearby leaf

On last night's Springwatch TV programme, we heard all about how dragonflies have all sorts of little sensors on their wings that make the control panel of a modern airliner look antediluvian by comparison - what madness isn't it !!!!

[That's enough madness! - Ed]

It's altogether a more relaxed day for us generally today. Lois plants two types of lettuce and two types of carrots in her shiny new vegetable bed, and she'll be planting spinach tomorrow, plus runner beans in pots. And I'm feeling good because I've postponed my next horrific dentist appointment till later in June [You wimp, Colin! - Ed]. 

Well, we've got enough coming up next week without any more dental trauma, thank you very much !!!! 

It'll be Lois's birthday next week, plus we're going down to Bournemouth to see Lois's cousin Brian in his care-home, plus we've got my cousins' get-together in Gerrards Cross, Buckinghamshire. Busy busy busy!!!!

flashback to 2019: for the last time before COVID, Lois and I visit

Lois's cousin Brian and wife Ruth in Bournemouth for their 60th wedding 

anniversary: (left to right) Brian's original best man Terry, Brian, Ruth, 

then their two original bridesmaids Ann and Lois.

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! -Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!

Wednesday May 28th 2025 "Did you see Yours Truly in the paper this morning - not once but TWICE !!!!"

Yes, friends, did you see Yours Truly in the paper this morning? Bet you did a double-take seeing that iconic picutre, didn't you! "That guy did look kind of familiar, now you come to mention it!", I hear you cry! [source: Onion News].

And did you recognise the woman in the Onion's picture this morning? 

Yes, step forward, my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois! Fame for her now, at last - and long overdue, may I add! [No, we haven't got time! - Ed]

10:45 Those winds this morning were extraordinary, weren't they, to put it mildly! And Lois tells me that's why she thinks so few birds were singing today, as we completed our walk. "Birds don't like it when it's too windy", she remarked, and so it proved - spooky wasn't it!

mine and Lois's somewhat spooky walk this morning,

in freak weather conditions, over Old Man Lowsley's Farm:

winds reached speeds as high as 16mph, and only 3 birds were out

What a morning!

But little did Lois and I know, however, as we walked through this windy wilderness just outside our new home-town of Liphook, Hampshire, that this was destined to be "the best part of our day". Hard to believe isn't it.

And I blame myself for not reading the paper's afternoon edition carefully enough when, tired after our wind-affected walk, Lois and I lunched together at home with another tongue sandwich. In my defence, I think I was distracted by the paper's "lead" this lunchtime, with its news of another shocking theft from the Dorm Study Area.

Well that anonymous astrologist [sic!] was right on the button, as it turned out (!).

And yes, you've guessed it - it's been another arduous afternoon for Lois and me, while our new dentist, Portuguese-born New Zealander José, subjected us both to more of his kindly, well-meaning, but slow, professional torture (!) in his "chair of horrors" (!). 

me in our new dentist's waiting room, while our new dentist

himself, Portuguese-born New Zealander José, was busy giving

Lois a good "going over" in his "chair of horrors" (!)

Lois got off lightly, with just 30 minutes in the "c.o.h" as we call it (!), but I was there for an hour and a half. What madness!!!!! 

Awful afternoon, but there was an unexpected bright spot. As a long-time "language buff", I was able to sort out an amusing language problem affecting José and his dental assistant. José had apparently asked the woman to find him "a decent pin" in the office, and when she came back saying she couldn't find one, I explained that José in fact meant a pen - it was just his "Kiwi twang" that was causing the difficulty. 

And I think that both José and the woman appreciated my quick "run through" of New Zealand vowel sounds, and their history, explaining the "short front vowel shift", giving due weight to the influence of all the Scottish settlers who went out there in the 19th century. The lecture had to be a fairly basic one, because I didn't have my slides with me, which was a pity. 

Also, I had, like, a billion dental tools sticking in my mouth, which didn't help much either, to put it mildly !!!!!

How we laughed, though!

And I feel that my remarks this afternoon were a big step forward as regards the "easement" of the tricky staff relations at the surgery. I'm sure, also, that both José and his assistant will remember my visit for a long time to come.

[Yes, but not in a good way, Colin. Just saying! - Ed]

21:00 Our dental injections now starting to wear off, Lois and I go to bed on tonight's edition of Springwatch, the series that gives an overview of the current state of wildlife in the UK through a team of presenters reporting live from forests, heaths and moorlands around the country.

Bubbly presenter Michaela Strachan is in a good mood this evening, because they've actually had some sunshine up there in Derbyshire's Peak District, although, as always, it has clouded over just in time for the live programme to start, which is a pity!

It's a wonderful start to the programme tonight, however, because Michaela is showcasing photos of puffins that viewers have sent in, "the UK's cutest sea-bird", and that's official (!).

Yes, a puffin with a beak full of sand-eels, that's what Lois and I like to see! We didn't know that, after many years of decline, puffin numbers in the UK are going up again. 

Lois and I didn't know that puffin numbers are a crucial indicator when it comes to the health of the UK's marine life. Puffins are pretty much dependent on sand eels. Numbers of sand eels have been declining - as much as 80% compared to the 1970's. All a consequence of the UK's membership of the EU.

It was in the 1970's that industrial eel fishing really got going in UK waters, mainly the result of the actions of the Danish fishing fleet, which was "hoovering up" the North Sea's sand-eels with their ruthlessly efficient bottom-towed gear. The Danes were using their sand-eel catch for making fishmeal and oil, which are then used as feed for farmed fish and livestock. However, this activity was also slowly killing off the UK's puffin population. 

Danish fishing boats, "slowly killing off

the UK's puffin population"

In the year 2000, the UK tried to set up an advisory no sand-eel fishing zone, but it wasn't very successful, explains presenter Chris Packham. And in 2023, when the UK finally announced a total ban, the EU's fishermen complained and took us to court. The UK Government stood up to them, however, and the ban remains in place, and since then puffin numbers have been going up again.

Unfortunately presenter Chris gets a bit carried away at this point - oh dear (!).

All right, get off your soapbox, Chris, and get on with the programme!

Will this do? 

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!