Friday May 9th 2025 "It's the climate change scandal of the decade - and it's happening right here in Hampshire, UK!"

They're calling it "the Climate Change Scandal of the Decade" (!) in this morning's Onion News Local, and don't say that that's "a bit over the top", until you've seen the facts - because believe me, this story is "big potatoes", almost at "jacket-level", in Hampshire terms, to put it mildly !!!!!

The discovery, mad this week, has "changed the history of bees forever", as they say on TV documentaries (!). And yet we shouldn't be too anxious to put that history to bed - not just yet, at least.

Today, in my blog, I can exclusively reveal, that my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I have got a "rider" to add to the new "bee orthodoxy". We believe that a splinter group of bees, on their way to Basingstoke to avoid climate change further north, in Scandinavia, say, maybe somehow have got separated from the main group and ended up here, in the back garden of our house here in Liphook, Hampshire, which is not a million miles away from Basingstoke, when all's said and done!

Liphook, where the splinter group of bees was discovered this

morning, tragically only 25 miles from the main 'swarm', 

currently leading a peaceful life in Basingstoke

Certainly it took us by complete surprise this morning, when Mitchell, our gardener, discovered the tiny so-called "lost bee colony of Liphook", when cutting back some of our shrubs this morning, just as the Basingstoke story was breaking. 

Flashback to earlier this morning: my medium-to-long-suffering wife

Lois showcases the exact position of what we're calling "the lost bee 

colony of Liphook", after local gardener Mitchell finished work here around 11:30am

I should explain that Lois and I only moved into this house in January this year, and Mitchell is helping us cut back some of the 'jungle' (!) that the previous residents allowed to somehow "spring up". 

How did the so-called 'Liphook Bees' get separated from the main group, is what we're wondering now. The group, possibly weaker than their fellows, we speculate, may have been "back markers" or "tail-end Charlies", and then perhaps got themselves 'misdirected' by no doubt well-meaning passers-by, say, at a crucial junction on the A3, where a lot of people go wrong.

There may have been resurfacing work at the Ham Barn roundabout, say, or perhaps the approaching slip-roads in West Liss - we're not sure. There could have been, like, a billion, almost a legion of 'snafus' that could have diverted the poor little buggers - we may never know, which is a pity.

(left) the route that the main bee swarm may have taken from "Bee Heaven" -

Jamtland County, Sweden, to Basingstoke, Hampshire, and (right) the crucial 

Ham Barn Roundabout on the A3, where constant resurfacing work leads a lot 

of motorists to take the wrong turning on the standard Basingstoke approach

It must have been a perilous journey for the gallant little swarm in any case. Google says there is no public transport available for this route, and that it typically involves not just the feared E45 motorway but also a couple of short ferry hops, from Norway to Denmark, and then Belgium to the UK.

Let's hope, by the way, that this plucky group of little bees wasn't misdirected intentionally at the Ham Green Roundabout by some "bee-o-phobe", say, or a "Stop Bees" Protester with his (or her) stupid "End Bee Immigration Soon!" placard. What a madness that is, isn't it!

Yes, sadly, there's a bit of a tradition in these parts for "malevolent misdirection", isn't there, I'm sorry to say. And it goes back at least a thousand years.

Remember how, back in 1066, after the invading Normans beat the Anglo-Saxons at the Battle of Hastings and then started on their triumphant approach to London, they got misdirected by a local resident onto the A31, between Oxshott and Leatherhead, somewhere near the Chessington World of Adventures, which was a pity because the theme park was offering special discounts to Normans that very weekend.

(left) the normal approach to London for Continental invaders,

and (right) where the Normans were misdirected onto the A31

by a local resident, delaying the capture of London for several hours 

But there's more! Not only did Mitchell, our gardener, discover the UK's first "Lost Bee Colony", but he also uncovered some long-lost paving stones leading from the back-door of our garage to the rotary washing-line that we 'inherited' from the previous residents of this house.

(left) Lois this morning showcasing the disovery of some long-lost

paving stones leading from the back door of our garage to the

rotary washing-line we inherited from the previous owners

and (right) flashback to March, before the existence of the stones was known,

when Lois had to 'wade through' the mud to hang out her 'smalls'

Presumably in olden times, the residents of this house could go out and hang out their 'smalls' without getting their shoes muddy. Well, from this day on, going forward, Lois and I can now do the same - who would have thought it !!!!

What a day it's been!

flashback to 8 am this morning, when Mitchell arrived. Little did we know,

when Lois was giving Mitchell his instructions for the morning, that

he would later be making not one but two life-changing discoveries: 

the Lost Bee colony of Liphook, and the lost paving stones, would you believe!!!!

And by the way, we have of course notified the authorities about the existence of these probably ancient stones Mitchell has discovered, and we've also invited Channel 4's Tony Robinson to perhaps come and do a proper 'dig' here, with the channel's Time Team specialists, like archaeologist Mick Aston and others, to see if the stones are indeed Roman, as we suspect.

a typical scene from Channel 4's "Time Team" presented by Tony Robinson (front)

[That's enough whimsy! - Ed]

[And Channel 4 cancelled "Time Team", like, a billion years ago, more probably. Just saying! - Ed]

[And by the way, is that all you two "noggins" have done today, Colin - watched while Mitchell had to clear out some of your overgrown shrubs, the poor bastard! ? - Ed]

Well, seeing as how you're asking, my reply is "No, absolutely not!". And we'll have less of the "noggins" if you don't mind, because once again, when Lois and I sat down for a rest and a cup of tea on the sofa th is afternoon, we score a creditable 7 out of 9 on the Radio Times' prestigious "Chaser" general knowledge questions on the magazine's back pages.

And, as a footnote, on the same page of Radio Times as the above puzzle, Susie Dent of the Oxford English Dictionary, has this to say in her popular "Dictionary Corner" column this week:

And as Lois and I get into bed this evening, I'm wondering... what would the Anglo-Saxon poets, like the writer of Beowulf, or the Icelandic saga-writers, have called the bee swarm that flew all the way to Basingstoke, Hampshire, from faraway Jamtland County, Sweden if they were thinking of some 'kenning'-style word to describe the swarm poetically?

"Buzz din" perhaps or "sting-merchants" maybe, or simply the "orange-and-black pains in the backside", in tongue-in-cheek reference to the trademark injuries they've become famous for?

I wonder....!

a typical Anglo-Saxon or Icelandic saga-writer,

trying to come up with a good 'kenning'

Your suggestions (on postcards!) welcome too, so get your 'thinking caps' on - closing date tomorrow Saturday: apologies for the rush, but I want to announce the winner(s) in tomorrow's blog, because I may not have a lot of other material, looking forward, going forward (!).

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!!!