Danskcolin: Tuesday May 20th 2025 "Do YOU become suddenly tongue-tied in the barber's or hairdresser's chair?"

Here's a rather rude question or you, my "Colinketeers" (!), but I make no apology for it!

[Why not? - Ed].

Do you ever fumble for "topics" that you can talk about safely in the company of others, when you're sitting in the barber's chair, or the hair-stylist's chair or whatever? As if the indignity of even being there isn't awful enough, the conversation options add further embarrassment, don't they!

Am I right? Or am I right!!!!

And this morning, when I drive my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois into "downtown Liphook, Hampshire", or should I say "down-village Liphook, Hampshire" (!), for an appointment with Lois's hair-stylist, Anna, we find we're the only customers in the shop, so we can both really "let our hair down" with her (no pun intended!!!!).

flashback to earlier today - I drive Lois into "down-village" Liphook

for an appointment with her hair-stylist Anna

Let me put my cards on the table at this point, if I can get them out from under Anna's "cape", that is!

You see, conversation in the barber's chair is one problem at least I personally don't have to deal with. I'm too mean to pay somebody a huge sum of money to cut my hair for me. I discovered in my late teens that it's easy to do it yourself, and it doesn't look too bad. Nobody notices, actually, and I saved myself, like, a ton of money over the last 60 years! [So that's why you look so weird, Colin. I couldn't quite put my finger on it! - Ed].

I'm going for the currently fashionable, and very stylish, "dragged through a hedge backwards" "Boris Johnson" look actually, and I think it's working for me, but I'll let you be the judge - postcards only!!!! And I think my plastic green jumbo "Incredible Hulk" hands also distract attention from it, which can only help haha!!!

(left) former UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson with wife Carrie, (centre)

me with medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois, and (right) me with my 'hulka-hands' (!)

Today's "dry run" with Anna is a preparation for a much more scarier [sic] appointment tomorrow - our first appointment with our new dentist José, and our new hygienist Lisa.

Lois and I only moved to Liphook three months ago, so we're have to get used to new doctors, new handymen, new gardeners, new everything. And tomorrow we'll both be in a new dentist's chair - not at the same time, hopefully! At least, these days with the internet you can see what your new dentist and hygienist look like, and read the reviews, which makes that first appointment a bit less scary.

José has a Portuguese name, and his name sounds vaguely familiar. Lois says she thinks he's also a football manager for some Turkish soccer club, and has managed all the top continental clubs like Benfica in his time, but also Chelsea, Spurs and Manchester United.

For a Liphook dentist that seems unlikely to me (your input welcome on this, incidentally!). although we mustn't forget the honourable exception of Iceland's manager Heimir Hallgrimsson, needless to say!

Heimir Hallgrimsson, a dentist who finds time to work as

Iceland's national soccer team manager

If our new dentist José is the same guy as "international soccer-manager" José, though, Lois and I will both be right-royally "stuffed" if he starts talking about football in the dentist's chair, like that guy in the Wobbly Bottom barber's chair (see Onion story above!) - Lois and I both know zilch about that crazy subject, to be honest (!).

flashback to November 2021 - Lois and I notice a soccer match

taking place on the "rec", near our former house in Cheltenham,

but trying to understand the rules, we have to give that up

as a "bad job" - too complicated for us haha !!!!

We're both "bears of very little brain" (!), and we prefer "indoor games", always have, at least since 1970, when we first 'hooked up' (!). Especially the simpler games - like scrabble, chess, or draughts/checkers. The only downside is that we're both quite competitive and these games often tend to end in fights - unlike those more gentlemanly soccer matches (!).

And we've been keeping meticulous records, including points tables, marital performance, records, lists of "highest-scoring words" and "most memorable words", as well as logging all the major rule-infringements, "sendings off", injuries in post-game fights etc etc.

We're real "aficionados", and that's one word at least that we could use when talking to José, our Portuguese dentist tomorrow (!).

two of our most fiercely fought (literally!) Scrabble games (left) from 2017,

and (right) from 2021, with (left) me "taunting" Lois with the score-sheet (!)

Lois used to like "rough" games like tennis, but over the 5 decades of our marriage, I think I've finally managed to convince her that indoor games are more fun.

flashback to the 1960's when Lois and I first "hooked up": (left)

me playing solo-chess, and (centre) Lois playing solo-tennis, before

(right) we discover that games for two could be an attractive alternative (!)

Lois and I keep our games to ourselves, however, and we only play them at home. Unlike some people we could mention, who do do it in public, which we think isn't "on", but "no names, no pack-drill (!) "

And tonight on TV's "Wheeltappers", poker-faced club chairman and "turns manager" Colin Crompton has a grim warning for those who persistently do it there on club nights, especially when the "turns" are on stage.