Yes, dear Reader, do YOU ever "angst" over what to do with your used beer-cans when you're staying over at somebody's house after a party? It's a common enough experience, and I'm guessing you're nodding your head pretty vigorously as you read these words!
Am I right? Or am I right !!!!!
And reading about Ryan's awful quandary this morning's Onion News makes me smile, partly because Ryan doesn't follow the golden rule" in the "the part-goer-beer-drinker's golden rulebook", which is to
"always empty the dregs your beer-can onto one of your host's potted plants".
You can hardly get more specific than that, can you! Duhhhhh!!!!! And there's even a step-by-step guide on how to do it, with pictures - see page 94 of the guide if you want chapter and verse !!!!
You haven't paid for the beer, so why not treat your host to the beneficial effects of beer on plants as a kind of a "pay-back" for your host's generosity? It isn't exactly rocket science is it! Duhhhhh (again) !!!!
[All right - we get the idea! - Ed]
And reading Ryan's story today also reminds me that my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois has put "arrange potted plants on the patio" as number one item on Yours Truly's "orders for the day" (!), so I'd better get cracking!
Let me put my cards on the table at this point. We only moved into our current home in rural, semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire on January 3rd, and our movers just "dumped" our huge "legion" of potted plants higgledy-piggledy on the patio in a kind of a rough-and-ready row.
Lois actually first asked me to arrange them "nicely, Colin, please", way back in mid-January.
flashback to January 3rd: the day that Lois and I
move into our current home in rural, semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire
It may make me look a bit dilatory for not doing anything about those potted plants till now - 4 months later - but I figured the plants would probably want to settle down a bit first. The whole house-move must have been totally traumatic for them: being picked up by a gang of rough men and shoved into the back of some dark removal van. Would you like it?
Poor potted plants!!!!!
Anyway it's now May 23rd and I'm feeling strong today, so I decide it's one massive job that I ought to cross off my massive to-do-list, so that's nice!
Have a look at the arrangement I finally decide on, and the overall affect I'm striving for. And don't forget, let me know your views, only if they're favourable, obviously (!).
before (left) and after (right) - can you see what I'm trying to achieve with
my patio re-jig? Comments welcome - postcards only - deadline yesterday haha!
However, as I remember, Lois decides to stay outside a bit longer, and just do one or two bits and pieces. I'm not sure what they are - just a bit of weeding, clearing and planting I suspect. I'm no expert in these things, to put it mildly!
I help Lois out as best I can, however, by taking the odd souvenir picture of her, and reading out plant i.d.s from my phone. I've just installed a shiny new app - "plantnet", which identifies a plant from a photo, which is neat!
the big job done - me arranging the potted plants - I let Lois handle
the "finishing touches" while I enjoy a well-earned cup of coffee
Lois fiddles about with some "finishing touches" - clearing the ground
and planting some rhubarb, or something of the sort, I suspect. I help her out
as best I can by identifying a nearby "mystery plant" on my phone's shiny-new "plantnet" app
Later, Lois prepares a nice lunch for us to eat out on the patio, where we can admire my new patio potted plant arrangement. Meanwhile, as my contribution to the meal, I identify the birds we can hear singing using my phone's shiny-new "merlin" app.
You can't say I don't "pull my weight", that's for sure!
At least this week we can celebrate Keir Starmer's historic deal with Europe, and the news gives Lois and me plenty to celebrate in bed this afternoon during statutory "nap-time".
the cover of Lois's copy of this week's "The Week"
magazine, which "plopped" through our letter-box today
We're particularly "gagging" to celebrate the comforting news for pet-lovers, that they can now take their pets in and out of Europe as easily as they could before Brexit, which must be a relief!
Even with that simple plan, however, there's a load of bureaucracy that comes with it. Wouldn't you know it !!!
Those dastardly French! Sneaking that one in at the last minute and getting the better of us again - grrrrrrr !!!!! What a crazy continent we live half-in, half-out of, don't we!!!
Last word to Boris.
Poor Keir !!!!!!!!
But what madness !!!!!! [That's enough madness! - Ed]
Will this do?
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz !!!!!
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