Yes, friends, have YOU ever given a talk about a famous tapestry without mentioning the penises?
It's (1) a very easy trap to fall into, and (2) Yours Truly went and did it just last month, and this morning I feel such a complete " '' 'nana", you would not BELIEVE !!!!
Let me give you a bit of background here. You see, 'for my sins' (!), I'm the leader of a small band of local "old codgers", who 'meet' online every month to talk about the history of the English language. And just this month I was sounding off to them about the famous 11th century 200 ft long (68m) Bayeux Tapestry, which depicts William the Conqueror's invasion of England in 1066.
And I didn't even mention the tapestry's penises, not even once !!!
the famous 11th century Bayeux Tapestry, which depicts
William the Conqueror's invasion of England in 1066
What an idiot I was !!!!! And I'm sure I'm going to come in for some ribbing from my group's members (no pun intended !!!!), because suddenly this week, the tapestry's penises are making headline news, in the Guardian no less !!!! Just my luck !!!!! Fortunately Steve, our American brother-in-law emailed me today to warn me of the news in time for me to work on a prepared statement to my members giving my official apology.
Yes, it's been known for six years that there are at least 93 penises in the tapestry, some belonging to the Norman invaders and some to the Anglo-Saxon defenders, although most of them belong to their horses. But now, some bright spark (!) - tapestry scholar Dr Christopher Monk thinks he has found the legendary 94th phallus, although Oxford University Professor George Garnett, who found the original 93 phalluses, thinks it's just the scabbard of a sword or dagger.
(left) a Norman invader sporting possibly the Bayeux Tapestry's legendary
94th phallus, and (right) the meeting of my local U3A "old codger" group,
where I spoke about the tapestry without mentioning one single phallus !!!!
What an idiot I am. And today, even my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois joins in the condemnation of my little "
faux pas", which is galling!
10:30 Lois is right though - and today I prove my idiocy twice over by messing up the only item in my calendar for the day, which is to take a blood test at our local GP surgery. We arrive on time for the test, but, due to another of my trademark 'snafus', I find we're at the wrong surgery.
For some reason there are 2 NHS surgeries in our new home-town, the leafy, semi-rural village of Liphook, Hampshire. Both surgeries are run by the Swan group, but one is called the Liphook Village Surgery and the other is called, confusingly, the Liphook and Liss Surgery, the one on Station Road, and they divide their services up in a way that makes sense to them, apparently, if not to any of their patients (!).
What madness!!!!
I mess up the only item in my calendar today - to take a blood test
at Liphook Village Surgery, turning up instead at the confusingly named
Liphook & Liss Surgery - what madness !!!!!
There's a bright side to my discomfiture today, however.
(1) I'm much fitter than I used to me, thanks to Lois dragging me out of the house almost every day for a 30-to-60 minute walk. As a result I find I can make the mad half-mile dash on foot from the wrong surgery to the right surgery without any ill effects, so without passing out or anything, although arriving "too late to take the test", according to the receptionist (!).
(2) And there's another plus - Lois is able to pick up her latest tablets from the pharmacy along the way, so all in all, not a bad result, and that's all good.
Lois says I was tempting fate this week by describing myself with the one-word label "idiot" in the "about me" bio-section of my Facebook profile - it was meant as a joke, but there's many a true word spoken in jest, as people say.
Still, tomorrow is another day, and the surgery's receptionist has made me another blood-test appointment for next week, and she says that the urine sample I tried to hand to her today will be "good enough" to bring along again next week, so nice one! I won't have to go to the loo again for the next few days, which will save me a game-changing amount of time, to put it mildly !!!!!
And, Friends, here's where YOU can play a part - just send me a reminder next week, so that I don't forget the appointment, or turn up at the wrong surgery again: remember, it's going to be the Liphook & Liss Surgery this time, the one on Station Road.
Postcards only, please!
21:00 Luckily I'm not the only one making 'snafus' this week, as we learn when we watch this week's edition of the comedy quiz "Have I Got News For You", presented this week by Angela Rippon.
Yes, it's comforting to know that our political leaders can make the occasional 'snafu', and there were, like, a billion examples of that this week - they were almost "legion", would you believe! And both US Defence Secretary Pete Hegseth and our own former Prime Minister Boris Johnson both had to hold their hands up and plead guilty to it, although not in a court of law - not yet anyway (!).
And Hegseth's little "snafu" has led to much hilarity on US websites.
And what about poor old Boris? What's he been doing?
Poor Boris !!!!! And poor Pete!!!!
And I feel so much better - however stupid you feel, there's always somebody feeling more stupid than yourself, isn't there, which is a comfort, to put it mildly!
Will this do?
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!
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