Tuesday April 29th 2025 "Morals are definitely getting looser and not just in the 'fleshpots' of Basingstoke!"

Yes, friends, if you read the papers conscientiously (if you can bear it!), you'll know that morals these days are getting a lot looser, and not just locally, here in Hampshire, in the 'fleshpots' of Basingstoke, Middle Wallop, and the like. It's becoming a worldwide trend, would you believe!

And if you follow the local news from places like Syria, traditionally a conservative stronghold, you'll see glimpses of the trend even there, which is a worry, to put it mildly!!!!

It's a shocking story, isn't it. And by the way, my thanks, as always, to the late editions of this morning's Damascus Onion for alerting me to this particular development.

It's a worrying trend, no doubt about that, and one which my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I are talking about this morning, as we take our daily walk, this time on Ludshott Common, just 6 miles away from our new home in rural, semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, before later stopping in for an americano at Applegarth's Farm Shop.

As you can see, even on our walk, just like Damascus harlot Fatma al-Qaawi, we're already exposing a "slight wedge of skin below the neckline", and later, at a table outside popular Applegarth's Farm Shop and Café, we throw caution (and our coats!) to the winds, in a daring display of semi-nudity.

Luckily it's fairly quiet this morning. On our 45-minute (4000=step!) walk over the common, we pass only two other people, (1) an overweight, middle-aged Englishman with walking poles who keeps stopping for a rest, and (2) an elderly Scottish woman who bustles past us with a small dog. 

And, despite our near-nudity, the Englishman fails to "proposition" Lois, and the Scottish woman doesn't "proposition" me. And we (obviously) resist the temptation to greet them with a jaunty "Hello Sailor!" or "Fancy a good time, dearie?" as we stop to smell the honeysuckle, so our 'outing' today passes off reasonably peacefully (!).

"Fancy a good time, dearie?"

We've got a good excuse for our daring outfits today, however, you see, because the temperature is going to get up to 77F (25C), the warmest day of the year so far - and that's official. And not only that, but weathermen say there's more to come, which is nice! Phew, what a scorcher !!!!!

A few days ago, in the evenings, Lois and I were turning our little electric mini-heater up to max, but tonight, by contrast, we've even got a window open somewhere. That British weather - I don't know !!!

What a crazy country we live in !!!!!

20:00 Wearing next to nothing (not shown !) and with a window open somewhere - in the kitchen, I think (!), Lois and I settle down on the couch to watch a bit of "telly" before going to bed.

a typical semi-nude couple watching TV

"But what are you and Lois watching tonight?", I hear you cry! [Not me, I'm currently propping up the bar at my local 'gargle-factory' with my jacket partly unbuttoned! - Ed] 

Well, regular readers to this column will have noted that Lois and I tend to eschew drama series, especially the violent ones and all the crime ones generally, of which there are, like, billions (more probably!), and instead go for a nice "poncey" documentary (or three, preferably (!). 

And we're not the only ones, apparently. Tonight, Lois reads me out this thoughtful "reader's letter" that she's spotted in our copy of next week's Radio Times, which "plopped" through our letterbox this afternoon.

Well said, that woman! Or rather "well written!". Our views entirely!

And with Dawn Miller's letter in mind (see above!), Lois and I decide to watch something nice and peaceful again tonight, a reality TV series set in the peaceful Yorkshire countryside, where some local couple, Amanda and Clive are still doing up some old stone farmhouse on their land, apparently.

Amanda and Clive got married about 25 years ago, then separated in 2022, but are now officially back together again, at least on paper. 

And surprise, surprise, the larger-tha-average age difference between them -  Amanda is 50 and Clive is in his 60's - is still giving rise to continued speculation about their love life. In the early years of their marriage, despite their busy life as Yorkshire farmers, they found time to have 9 children, but, since then, the babies have simply "stopped coming", which is a worry. "What's going on, exactly?", is what viewers must be asking.

In tonight's programme, Amanda, in a tender moment, comes the closest she's come so far to revealing that the couple might be having problems. And it comes as she watches poor old Clive "shambling" his way round the farmyard.

And, to make matters worse, Clive is even having problems now with getting on his little 'farmer's quad-bike', which is even more worrying, with a busy farm to run.

Poor Clive !!!!!!

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!!