Tuesday October 20th 2026 "Have YOU ever tried making a 'comeback' only to find it 'misfires', and not in a good way!!!"

Yes, Friends, have YOU ever tried making a comeback, after, maybe, years in the wilderness, only to find that the whole thing 'misfires', (and not in a good way !!!!) ????

It's a common 'life experience', isn't it, and so common, that prestigious broadsheet Onion News now has its own pull-out 94-page "Comeback Colour Supplement" to chronicle the phenomenon, which speaks "volumes" in itself, doesn't it - no pun intended!!!!

Here's one "doozie" of a story, straight off the block!!!!

Or how about this other "doozy" this morning?

And that one's, literally, "hot off the press" - or should I say "hot off the barbecue (!) "? 

[No! -Ed]

However, these "comeback" stories, and others too numerous to print here (!), certainly bring the flicker of an ironic smile back to the faces of me and my wife Lois today, no question about that!!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

Just yesterday, we received word from Steve, our American brother-in-law, of "the comeback to end all comebacks, would you believe. Yes, the Guardian's Edith Pritchett, is officially "back in business" and producing more of her amusing Venn diagrams, that Lois and I have sorely missed these past (25?) years or so!

And here's today's "doozy" from Edith!

Truth to tell, Lois and I have a rather damp morning today, dodging the rain and just managing to get to our local NHS doctor's surgery in time to book a telephone appointment for Lois, which is masquerading as her "annual check-up" - what madness!!!  

After our crazy morning, however, it's comforting to know that, while Lois and I have been literally "going nowhere", here in Liphook (!!!), that our 16-year-old grandson Isaac has made it to that place in China, Guangzou (???) via Xiamen (????) on his study-trip with a group of fellow Mandarin A-Level students  from his high school in Liphook - the young scamp!!! - so that's all good!!!

(above) Lois and I have a damp day here in Liphook, Hampshire, just managing

to book her a phone so-called "annual check-up" with our NHS GP, and (below) our grandson

Isaac [inset] and his  route to a land of endless sunshine - the young scamp !!!!

Not that Lois and I grudge Isaac his "day in the sun" however, but we do envy the feeling of warmth he must be experiencing, to put it mildly!!! Awwwww!!!!!

Luckily we've got a warm bed to look forward to this afternoon, because we can try out our new electric blanket for the first time, the one we took delivery of, a couple of days ago, which is exciting!!!! You've probably guessed, it's the latest sensation from Dreamland - their sensational "Cosy Dreamer", with new "Intelliheat" - the blanket you can keep switched on, even when you're in the bed, which is nice!!!

14:00 And once in bed, Lois and I are free to discuss those amusing Venn diagrams, and have our usual fight (!) to decide which of Edith's "Top Three" resonates with us the most, eventually picking Diagram #1, with its "ping-pong" reference.

The choice is a "no-brainer" for us, because we remember playing ping-pong with each other at a church youth club, long before we became an "item", which was mad!

(left) this week's "Venn of the Week" for Lois and me, and (right)

flashback to 1970: us in our early days, in a holiday cottage in Shropshire

But what's good for people, for "hooking up" purposes, is good for dogs too, it seems! And more recently, our daughter Alison's dog Bjørn has joined a canine youth-club, which is mad, too! 

Bjørn, who until recently has been spending most of his evenings at home alone on a plumped-up mattress in a so-called "shepherd's hut", has had difficulties forming friendships with other young  dogs, apparently, and this new neighbourhood club offers the chance for young-to-youngish dogs to meet other like-minded dogs of their own age, in a controlled, "safe" environment. 

(left) a typical scene at the local Haslemere "Canine Youth Club", and (right)

a typical evening for our daughter's dog, Bjørn, alone in front of the "telly",

watching re-runs of  the likes of "Lassie" and "Blue Peter", I'm guessing (!)

It  must also be a chance, Lois and I thought, for the young scallywag to meet other young dogs of the opposite sex, "for friendship, table tennis and maybe more", which would be nice.

Unfortunately, however, Bjørn's new "canine youth club" doesn't boast a table-tennis room, but this isn't really too much of a problem, really, because, in any case, the young scamp's preferred ball game is definitely badminton - he can't hit the ball very well (as yet!), but he's very good at chasing it, which is a start!

flashback to July 2025: the visit of our daughter Sarah and family from Perth, Australia,

with (left) Bjørn (ringed) doing a half-decent job as "ball-dog" and (right) Lois strutting her stuff,

after Bjørn gets sent off by officials for not "releasing" the ball when asked, which was mad!

Happy days!!!!

16:00 Lois and I finally struggle out of bed, because my sister Jill is going to be calling us from Ipswich on whatsapp, now restored to health after a couple of weeks suffering with some virus or other, and is enjoying her work for her masters in creative writing. So now we can get her latest news, which is nice!

Jill tells us that her daughter Lucy is now back from honeymoon in Europe with her Anglo-American wife Rosanna, both reportedly "a bit shattered", after their whirlwind tour of Belgium, Germany, Austria etc, but now back in England and nevertheless already "hard at it", at the Ipswich law firm where they both work, although reportedly, again, "still with no overlap between their responsibilities" (!). 

A likely story!!! The young scamps!!!!

(above) my niece Lucy (left) and her Anglo-American wife Rosanna, on their wedding day

last month, and (below) pictured last week on the final leg of their European honeymoon

And Jill herself is already looking forward to two of her plays being staged in London in November by the feminist "Yellow Coat Theatre", who boast "Of Course I'm Hot, I'm 50!", which makes sense to us!

Lois and I are 80, but we're still "hot" too, especially when we're under our new "Cosy Dreamer" electric blanket from Dreamland, with new "Intelliheat", to put it mildly!!!

(left) the Yellow Coat Theatre Company, who are putting on two of my sister Jill's

plays at London's iconic "Glitch Theatre" next month, and (right)

Jill posing with two of the company's members

19:00 Another crazy day over! And it's nice for Lois and me to finally relax on the couch this evening, and enjoy another fascinating programme on BBC4 by "bone guy" Ben Garrod, no less!

What Ben doesn't know about bones isn't worth knowing, the young rascal! And today's programme is all about bones and sex, or sex and bones (!), whichever way you prefer to look at it!

Apparently for a long time it was a mystery why the male narwhal, for example, has such enormous tusks, which the females don't have, until a team of Harvard researchers came up with the probable explanation.

a female narwhal (above) and a male with his enormous tusk

The two sexes live apart, Ben tells us, only seeking each other out in the mating season, which must save valuable time for both sexes, if nothing else! 

So how do the males and females find each other in the Earth's vast oceans? It's been a puzzle for decades, but we may now have the explanation, Ben tells us tonight. 

A team from Harvard University has discovered that the key is the minute sensory pits along the outside of the male's tusk. There are as many as 2,500 of these little pits per square millimetre, would you believe, which is mad, but it's a feature that proves very useful to the males. 

You see, these pits are thought to be able to sense minute changes in the ocean's water pressure, its temperature and even its salinity, so that the males can gradually "home in" on "where the girls are" (!). 

And Lois and I speculate that if human males could somehow have sensory pods grafted onto them, in their tusks, if they're lucky enough to have one concealed somewhere (!), or perhaps just stuck on their heads, say, or feet, even, with superglue or other DIY product, maybe, that this would have some fairly obvious benefits.

It would obviously completely obviate the need for youth clubs and table-tennis tables, for example. 

I wonder.....!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!

Monday October 19th 2026 "Do YOU have a tiresome 'ethics code' at YOUR workplace? Isn't it just the pits haha!!!"

Yes, Friends, do YOU have a tiresome 'ethics code' at YOUR workplace? 

It's becoming more and more common these days, interfering more and more in what people can or can't do in the workplace, stopping people just 'doing their own thing' and taking their time over it, in their own office or factory, if you please! It's just another modern "madness", and yet another attack on individual liberty, in this humble blogger's eyes, at least!!!!

Take a look at today's Onion News, and its usual Monday pull-out "Work Ethics" colour supplement - and turn straight to page 94, where there's a couple of real "doozies" this morning, mark my words!!!

What madness, isn't it! And yet these stories, and others in the same tone, are guaranteed to bring a welcome smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, here in semi-retired Liphook, Hampshire, this morning - and that's a "no-brainer" !

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

We're sitting in the crowded living-room of our pensioner-Latin teacher, local man Joe, the room being crowded with fellow-members of Joe's "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, reading the story of the Trojan Horse, as told by Vergil in his long poem, the Aeneid around 25BC, would you believe!

us in Joe's comfortable sitting-room with a bunch of other members of 

local man Joe's "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group

We've reached the part of the poem that chronicles a key moment in the long siege of Troy by a Greek army. The Greeks have been encamped around the city for 10 years, trying to enter it and destroy their Trojan enemies. 

Then suddenly one morning, the Trojans awake to see a huge wooden horse that's appeared outside their city gates overnight, and they're wondering what to do with it. Should they pull it into their city, or should they just ignore it, and carry on as normal?

Most of the Trojans vote to bring the horse inside the city, but one man, the young priest Laocoon, suspects that it's all a Greek trap - and, in a dramatic scene, he hurls a big spear into the wooden belly of the horse. Thwack - Ftang !!!!!

And as Vergil writes in his poem, the Aeneid, the huge spear just sticks there, right in the horse's wooden side, "trembling", or "vibrating" [Latin: stabat tremens].

wily Trojan priest Laocoon, seen here about to hurl a huge spear into the side of

the Trojan Horse, a spear which then just "sticks there, trembling" according to Vergil

Whether the spear, as it vibrated in the horse, then made some sort of a "boing-boing-boing" sound, as it vibrated, or even a "doing-doing-doing" sound - isn't clear. Virgil doesn't tell us in his poem, and none of our little group of "old codgers" is sure what the Latin for those expressions is, in any case, would you believe! And whether they would even fit the so-called "hexameter" rhythm of Virgil's poetry is another (so far!) unanswered question for debate (!).

However, your ideas, as always, will be most welcome - but remember, postcards only!!!

Later, the wily young priest Laocoon, however, lives to regret his spear attack on the Wooden Horse, when he and his two sons are devoured by a bunch of sea-serpents, an attack thought to be punishment for his "desecration" of the Horse. You see, unfortunately the horse had previously been dedicated as a special gift to the goddess Minerva, or some-such nonsense, and so, after that, was supposedly "sacred" (!). 

Hence throwing a spear into the horse's side was simply "not on", which was mad!

the Trojan priest Laocoon and his two young sons, being devoured

by a bunch of sea-serpents, as punishment for sticking a spear

into the side of the Wooden Horse, a structure which had supposedly 

been earlier dubbed as "sacred" - what madness!!!!

In modern eyes, to be devoured by sea-serpents seems, perhaps, marginally too harsh a punishment, but "alia tempora, alios mores" as the Romans used to say - or "different times, different standards" (!!!).

One of our group of "old codgers" tells us this morning, however, that, in an earlier Greek version of the story, by Hellenistic poet Euphorion of Chalcis, the young priest Laocoon was devoured by those sea-serpents for an altogether different reason. 

Euphorion, writing in the 3rd century BC, described the 'devouring' of Laocoon by sea-serpents as punishment for an entirely different incident, when Laocoon was caught having sex with his wife Antiope, at his workplace - the local shrine to the god Apollo. What madness, wasn't it!!!!

And not only that, but the couple apparently did it right there on the floor of the shrine, in front of the shrine's flagship "Apollo's statue", Euphorion says, an act which was regarded as particularly "brazen", not to say downright "cheeky" (!). And our little group of 'old codgers' certainly seems to agree with that verdict this morning, to put it mildly!

our little group, all members of local man Joe's "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers",

seen here in Joe's cosy retirement flat discussing the Trojan horse and other "malarkey"

There's some speculation this morning, in our meeting, about whether this sex-scandal arose, after, say, Laocoon's wife had, perhaps, just popped by the shrine, to bring her husband and alluring basket of sandwiches and fruit, an unexpected event, which the wily young priest had somehow found too much of a temptation, do you think?

Be that as it may, however, (!) am I alone in thinking that, even in those crazy, far-off times, there would have been some sort of OHSA (Occupational Health and Safety Administration) "best practice" advisory around, warning employees not to have sex at a shrine, or not during shrine working hours, at least?

a typical OHSA mini-booklet on "best practice": could it have 

helped Laocoon, the wily, but naughty, Trojan priest, 

and saved him from a bunch of horrible sea-serpents?

I wonder....!

And here, for reference is the relevant passage from Vergil's "Aeneid" about the Trojan Horse and Laocoon's speech, together with my, admittedly, very rough, translation. 

I'm sure you could do a better one, so get your "thinking caps" on - postcards only, again, needless to say!!!!

This episode in Vergil's long poem, the Aeneid, is also justly famous for another line, spoken by wily priest Laocoon, and this iconic phrase of Laocoon's has even come down into English, as a kind of a proverb, or saying:

Vergil's phrase "timeo Danaos et dona ferentes" is often translated into English as "Beware of Greeks bearing gifts".

Have YOU heard anyone using the phrase "Beware of Greeks bearing gifts" recently? If you haven't, here's the full "lowdown"!

Makes a kind of a crazy sense, though, doesn't it!

(left) "Beware of Greeks bearing gifts" - wily Trojan priest Laocoon's 

timely but futile warning to the Trojans, and (right) the consequences,

when the Trojans disregard Laocoon's dire warnings: Greek soldiers

emerging in the dead of night, to capture the city - what madness!!!!

And, in that vein, wily priest Laocoon's famous, but ultimately ineffective, speech to the Trojans also contains what's thought to be the first ever recorded instance of the phrase "What madness!" [Latin: quae tanta insania!], an iconic phrase which some people, even nowadays, use several times a day - no names, no packdrill haha!!!

what's thought to be the first recorded instance of the phrase "What madness!"

[Latin: quae tanta insania!], in wily priest Laocoon's speech to the Trojans

What a crazy world we live in! 

And that phrase, by the way, is a certified "Colin original" and "officially copyrighted" to boot - and that's official (!), so please write for my permission before you use it (!) - postcards only, again !!!!

[That's enough "insania"! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed, Colin! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!

Sunday October 18th 2026 "Friends, are YOU puzzled by the financial pages in YOUR newspaper? Well, puzzle no more!!!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU, frankly, completely puzzled by the financial pages in YOUR daily newspaper? 

Well, puzzle no more (!), because this morning's Onion News finally explains everything with its handy cut-out-and-keep "chart", valid for all countries and all chronological periods, which is a relief! You probably noticed the eye-catching headline, plus chart, way back on page 94, this morning, but if you've feeling hazy about it, here's a reminder!

This was the headline that's getting all those tongues wagging....

... and this is the paper's handy cut-out-and-keep all-purpose chart......see below!

So, there you have it - surprisingly simple, when you have that chart to consult, 24/7 year-round, no question about that!

And the chart brings a ray of comfort to the faces of me and my wife Lois today, here in semi-panoramic Liphook, Hampshire - that's a statement not open to doubt!

my wife Lois and me - recent pictures

With Hallowe'en coming up, and living, as we do, in a Liphook housing-estate that's decidedly kid-heavy (!), we're going to have to stock up on fun-size chocolate bars for all those trick-or-treaters, the young scamps!!!

This year we're also thinking of investing in a fun-size, seasonally "spooky" version of the traditional, iconic "Colin the Caterpillar" cake - what do you think? 

With my own name also being "Colin", it's a no-brainer for us, and this month's Ocado Supermarket magazine trumpets their 2026 version, with QUOTE "two full-size Colin faces" UNQUOTE, plus QUOTE "the most chocolate we've ever packed into a Colin" UNQUOTE, so what's not to like haha!!!!

Even in Australia, excitement is mounting at the approach of Halloween, and this morning we have another weekly catch-up call on zoom with our daughter Sarah, who lives in a house overlooking the Indian Ocean, in the northern suburbs of Perth, Western Australia, with husband Francis and their 13-year-old twins, Lily and Jessica. 

The twins are going to make their own Halloween costumes this year - they'll be going as teenager-size jellyfish, the young scamps! No pictures of their costumes are available as yet, but watch this space! 

Lois and I taking our weekly zoom catch-up call with our daughter Sarah,

who lives with husband Francis and their 13-year-old twins in Perth's northern suburbs

Financial pressure is mounting on Sarah and co, as with many young families today, but Sarah is still doing two jobs, her accountant's job in Perth, while somehow still managing to do her old accountant's job in Evesham UK -  inevitably, perhaps, Lois and I have dubbed her "Sarah Two-Jobs" (!). 

Husband Francis, meanwhile, is, as always busily adding value to their property, currently working on making a flight of wooden steps down their dizzyingly steep front garden.

(left) one of the northern suburbs of Perth, Australia, where our daughter Sarah

and family live, and (right) the steep climb up to their house from the roadway

Francis has also, somehow, found time to make a swing that hangs from the family's favourite garden tree. Called by the Aussies a "yellow gum tree" or some-such nonsense (!), the tree is home to a variety of green parrots and other colourful birds of the sort that they tend to have over there in Australia- it's quite mad!

Francis says the new swing is for the twins, but we suspect it's chiefly for himself - somewhere to "unwind", perhaps, when he's fed up with working on all those, like, billions of steps - more probably!

(left) our son-in-law Francis, somehow finding time to relax, on the swing

he's made, which hangs from the family's "yellow gum tree" in Perth, Australia, and

(right) our granddaughter Lily, who's managed to get "dad" off the swing for 5 minutes (!)

What madness, isn't it!!!!

And the other madness is, trying to work out why Lois and I are so busy every day, including Sundays, even though we've been retired for 20 years now, would you believe!!!! How did we ever find the time to go to work, back in the day - that's the big question !!!

flashback to March 2006 - my 60th birthday, and also the day

we both retired. Little did we know the crazy, hectic life-style

that was waiting for us, just around the corner!!!!

12:30 Half past twelve, and would you believe, Lois and I are "back on the road" again, which is totally mad (!), driving the 10 miles or so north to nearby Headley, where we've been invited to lunch with our other daughter Alison, and husband Edward, which is a nice surprise!

It's our first chance to see their property for 18 months. Their house - a crumbling Victorian mansion in 7.5 acre grounds, built in the 1870's for one of Queen Victoria's vice-admirals - has been "out of bounds" all that time, even for Alison and family, as builders have struggled to refurbish it. And even Alison and family themselves, due to so-called "health and safety" concerns, have only very recently been allowed back into their own property, which is mad! 

(left_ "Sorry you can't go inside yet, mate!" - builders denying entry to the house's owners,

our daughter Alison and family, for 18 months, on grounds of "health and safety" 

which is crazy (!), and (right) the rude shepherd's hut in the mansion's lovely 

7.5 acre grounds, where the family has been "skulking" in recent weeks. What madness!!!!

Their builders are very health-and-safety-conscious, evidently, and were obviously anxious not to get sued, if anybody tripped over a trailing electrical lead or fell through a hole into the basement - you know the kind of thing!!!!

Although the work is now nearing completion, however, the mansion's grounds are still a massive building-site, because builders are still on the site Monday through Friday, finishing off, like, a billion of the smaller jobs. 

However, Lois and I are bubbling over with excitement to have our first look over the property today. And after that, we're looking forward to enjoying a typical British Sunday roast lunch with Alison, Edward and youngest offspring Isaac (16), which will send us back to our home in Liphook this afternoon with two very pleasantly full tummies, for an afternoon in bed, which will be nice!!!

Lois and I park in the builder's car-park, to be greeted by our daughter Alison,

who leads us up through the mud and through the approach way, between

the oriental-style entrance huts, one to be a sauna and one a mini-gym

- crazy you might say, but not just practical but stylish at the same time!!!!

Lois and I are wondering privately whether a session in the mini-gym, followed by a sauna, will be a requirement for visitors planning to enter the main house, but Alison reassures us that those will be optional only, so no worries there!

(left) the raised-beds of the "kitchen garden", still under construction,

and (right) a further area of mud, as we (finally!) approach the actual house,

an area which will be grassed over when the builders have time to get round to it (!)

When we finally get to the house itself (!), Lois and I are quite "bowled over" by all the changes to the house, and how magnificent the rooms are already beginning to look, plus all the new things the family will be able to do in ease and comfort, living their new, expanded, life-style.

Even the family's extensive "menagerie" of pets - 2 dogs, 2 cats and a tankful of tropical fish - haven't been forgotten, with, for example, a new pull-out feeding area, plus impressive shower and bathing facilities for the dogs, whenever they feel like they want to "freshen up", before a meal, perhaps? 

I wonder...!!!!

(above) Lois greets Otto, one of the family's two cats, while Alison and Isaac look on,

and (below, left) impressive new pull-out feeding-area for the family's two dogs,

with (below, right) the dog's new bath and shower area with convenient access-steps (!)

It's no exaggeration to say the family's members now have the room to do whatever they like, and more besides! There's even a wall to carry their huge antique map of the county, also dating from Victorian times, I believe, which is crazy! Also, generally, space galore for "chilling out", snoozing in an armchair maybe, or browsing a book from the extensive family library and "book room".

What's not to like!!! 

And today, having "done the tour" - usually a 10-minute job in most people's houses, including our own (!) - but this one taking a good hour, including stops for catching our breath etc (!), Lois and I can finally sit down with the family to a good, old-fashioned Sunday roast (pork, roast potatoes and parsnips, veg, stuffing etc) followed by one of Lois's trademark apple crumbles, which we brought with us as the flagship "grandparental contribution" (!), before at 3pm, finally going home to bed for "statutory nap-time". 

What's not to like haha !!!!

Lois and I sitting down to one of our son-in-law Edward's iconic

traditional British Sunday roast lunches - pork plus potatoes and parsnips,

other veggies, stuffing: the works! Yum yum!!!!

It's going to be a busy day for Alison and family, so Lois and I try not to outstay our welcome.

Our grandson Isaac will be jetting off to China tomorrow for a 2 week study trip, with about a dozen of Isaac's fellow-students from the local high school, all just starting Sixth Form and planning to take an A-Level in Mandarin Chinese. Hence the trip, during which they'll be meeting Chinese college and high school students, with the aim of mutually improving their language skills in Chinese for the English kids, and in English as regards the Chinese kids, which makes sense!

our 16-year-old grandson Isaac [inset] and his forthcoming school trip

to Xiamen, China with his Mandarin student classmates - the young scamp!

Imagine, Isaac off to China again! He was only there a couple of years ago - the young scamp!

flashback to 2024: Isaac's first ever visit to China, with schoolmates: (left) Isaac [inset]

also to be seen bottom-right, half out of shot, on the school bus-ride to

London's Heathrow Airport, and (right) the group arriving at their destination in China

And, on Halloween, when Lois and I are tucking into our "spooky" version of our "Colin the Caterpillar" cake, we'll be thinking of Isaac, thousands of miles away in China, and also thinking back fondly to the "Colin" cake which Lois and I provided for Isaac on his 3rd birthday, in the back garden of our house in Cheltenham, long ago!

flashback to July 2019: we host Isaac's 3rd birthday party, complete with

"Colin the Caterpillar" cake, in the back garden of our then home in Cheltenham

- happy days!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!