Saturday August 22nd 2026 "Friends, are YOU postponing something that could make you famous?"

Yes, Friends, are YOU currently "putting off" something that potentially could put you in the history books?

We've all done it, haven't we, and there's almost a national epidemic of "postponements" and cries of "Next week, maybe!", if we're to believe today's edition of Onion News - turn to page 94, if you want "chapter and verse", as they say !!!!

And the stories bring a bit of a one-sided smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in leafy Liphook, Hampshire, to put it mildly!!!!

me and my wife Lois - recent pictures

And if your answer to my question is a cheery, "Yes, Colin, I AM currently postponing something that could put me in the history books!", my advice is to start on it pretty soon, because it can't be done in 5 minutes, to put it mildly! And if you're a bit tied up at the moment, PLEASE PLEASE promise me you'll do it as soon as the summer holiday is over and the kids all go back to school - don't put it off any longer than that!!!!

Lois and I are laughing, because we've been reminded today of one of the great "postponers" of history. Step forward Trojan hero, Aeneas, who, after the Trojan War ended badly for his people, set off into the Mediterranean with some of his Trojan buddies, with a mission to found a great new city (Rome) and the world's soon-to-be-greatest empire (the Roman Empire).

Trojan hero Aeneas, leaving the ruins of his defeated city,

on a mission to found the city of Rome and a great empire

However, Aeneas was one of history's "great postponers", because, en route to founding the city of Rome, Aeneas somehow found time, along the way, to spend a "wasted" year in Carthage on the North African coast, more or less just going to bed every night with Dido, the beautiful Queen of Carthage, would you believe! 

What madness, wasn't it !!!!

Aeneas's tortuous route from the defeated city of Troy, on a mission

to found the city of Rome, but with a protracted delay in Carthage along the way

to pursue one of Aeneas's subsidiary interests - what madness !!!!!

And Aeneas and Dido's notorious, year-long, affair was all later written up by Roman author Virgil, in his classic "Aeneid Book II", a copy of which, quite coincidentally, "plops" through mine and Lois's letter-box today, which is a nice surprise!

(left) Yours Truly today, showcasing my shiny-new copy of Virgil's Aeneid Book II,

and (right) Trojan hero Aeneas getting up-close-and-personal with Dido, 

Queen of Carthage, who he decided was a better deal than founding a great city!!!!

The arrival of this book in our post today, however, is in some ways, a bit of a blow to Lois and me, because we'd forgotten that, one of our current study-courses - Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers - is due to re-start in a couple of weeks time, adding yet another heavy demand to our time, to put it mildly!

flashback to last winter: our teacher Joe taking one of our classes in his

critically-acclaimed "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" course, 

for the benefit of his mainly female students, informally dubbed "Joe's harem" (!)

I've been told that Lois and I have been dubbed by neighbours as "possibly Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple", which is mad! But certainly today just underlines our local "moniker", as we perform another of our punishing 4000-step walks this morning. Still officially "recuperating" from our enforced idleness during the heat waves, we today once more revisit the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes Liphook United, and watch a scratch team of juniors playing a warm-up game in front of a small but enthusiastic "crowd" of casual observers (!).

Yes, with the season just beginning, Liphook is slowly but surely, becoming "soccer crazy" once more, no doubt about that!!!

Lois and me on one of our challenging 4000-step walks over the "hallowed turf"

of local soccer heroes Liphook United, where we stop to watch a junior

warm-up game played out in front of a small but enthusiastic crowd (!)

Even our customary afternoon-in-bed is slightly curtailed - we have to manage with only 3 hours of it today, would you believe (!) - but for a nice reason! Our dear 51-year-old daughter Alison is dropping by at 5:30pm to give us back the red curtains Lois and I bought for our house in America back in the early 1980s, and which we loaned Alison some time ago, for some reason which I can't remember! 

She and husband Edward have been clearing out the garage of their temporary rental home in nearby Churt, in preparation for moving back next month into their real home - a crumbling Victorian mansion built by one of Queen Victoria's admirals, a mansion which, for the last 18 months or so has been in the hands of builders carrying out a large-scale refurbishment job.

the crumbling Victorian mansion owned by our daughter Alison and husband Edward,

which, for 18 months, has been in the hands of builders doing a massive refurbishment

From the recent pictures of the property (see above), it's hard to believe that the building will actually be ready for Alison and Edward and their 3 teenage kids to move back into by mid-September, but the builders say it'll be "mostly done" (?). Luckily, just in case, Ali and Edward have installed a "shepherd's hut" in their extensive grounds that they can sleep temporarily, in case of any last-minute "hiccups". 

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!

(left) Alison dropping in to see us today, and (right) the temporary

"shepherd's hut", where the family will sleep if their mansion isn't quite ready (!)

But let's hope, with all the "postponement fever" going around at the moment, that Alison's builders nevertheless aren't tempted to put back the completion date again. And let's hope that the family will be able to move back into their mansion on schedule in mid-September. Fingers crossed!

However, what of Harry and Meghan moving back to the UK soon, apparently so that Meghan can play a prestigious role in some mysterious TV series that hasn't been named (!). 

Lois and I thought that the Sussexes had just been messing around in the US, having a good time, like Dido and Aeneas, but we were wrong.

We weren't aware, that, according to a text today from Steve, our American brother-in-law, not only that money may be the main factor, but also that Harry and Meghan have actually been "crusaders" all this time, promoting good causes during their time in the States - what madness, isn't it!

Who knew!!!!!

[I expect a lot of people knew, Colin! - Ed]

They'll actually be home before Alison and Edward are, which is totally mad!

Well, Lois and I can't postpone any longer our trip, back up the stairs to Dreamland, so will this do?

[Oh just do it! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!!!

Friday August 21st 2026 "Friends, in all this heat, are bugs 'bugging' you today - no pun intended!!!!"

Yes, Friends, what with all these periodic heatwaves this summer, has YOUR house of flat seen invasions of little bugs and flies, that have suddenly seemed to "crawl out of the woodwork" - again, no pun intended!!!

The "uptick" in ticks and other bugs [That's enough unintended puns! - Ed] is certainly "infesting" (!) the press with lots of lurid headlines at the moment. totally filling page 94 of my print version of Onion News - the page I normally use to 'swat' them with, which is ironic!!!!

The stories are even making me and my wife Lois show the beginnings of an awkward smile today, here in the semi-paradise humans (and others!) call Liphook, Hampshire - there's no mistaking that!!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

Putting my cards on the table at this point, I'd like to point out that even Lois and I have recently been "bugged" by a bug in our own dear house here in Liphook, Hampshire - an annoying little dozy house-fly, who's nonetheless too 'fly' (!) to be caught by our shiny new humane bug-catcher, from Coopers of Stortford. 

Humming "No More Mr Nice Guy", however, and googling our problem on the internet this morning, I find this intriguing suggestion from that nice Mr. Google, which I decide to try out at once - you know what I'm like, me being Mr "No Time Like The Present" incarnate !!!!

I decide to use a repurposed margarine tub, with honey as my "attractant". However, Lois says I'm a fool to stick a large "Fly Trap" notice, but I'm pretty sure that most flies don't speak English. Also I don't want to be accused, either of not giving fair warning, or of being accused of "entrapment", should the matter ever come to court. You can't be too careful these days - even flies have their 'lobbies' and 'spokes-flies', which is totally mad, I know!!

By the end of today, the results of what I believe spies call a "honey trap" (!) are inconclusive - no little fly-corpses floating in the tub so far, I can (exclusively) reveal, but it's early days, so watch this space!!!!

[I don't think I'll bother! - Ed]

And my flytrap 'malarkey' marks just the start of another typically day for Lois and me, making another of our rare public appearances this morning doing more watering of our plants and vegetables, using so-called 'grey water' (our used water), followed by another challenging 4000-step walk over the local recreation ground.

(left) Lois watering shrubs in our tiny front-garden, and (right)

us doing another challenging 4000-step walk over the local 'rec' (recreation ground)!

Talk about a hectic day! No wonder neighbours have dubbed us "Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple"! 

But like all busy-looking people, we have a guilty secret, which is that we spend most of our afternoons in bed for "statutory nap-time", so no wonder we can afford to look busy in the mornings! Well, something's got to give, hasn't it - with our new semi-official title of "Mr and Mrs Busy-Looking", we've got an image to maintain, and batteries to be constantly recharged! Well, we're only human, despite appearances!!!

the secret behind our public "busy-looking" image - 

afternoons in bed for "statutory nap-time"

16:00 Four o'clock, and out of bed already (!), we even have time to catch BBC Radio 4's "Last Word" programme, while we drink our Early Greys and munch on our Ryvitas! 

We always like to listen to this weekly radio obit-roundup, if we can, not only to keep up with "Who's died this week", but also to get a degree of confirmation from the fact that we ourselves are not on it yet (!), which is always nice to know!

I have to say that Lois and I shed only a few tears this afternoon for former Chinese Premier Zhu Rongji (1928-2026). Yes, at the turn of the millennium, he brought in some much-needed economic and business reforms to the then-creaking and hopelessly inefficient and corrupt Chinese economy, but he remained wedded to the idea of China as a one-party state, which was a pity.

We are unmitigatedly sorry, however, to hear of the passing of rock band ZZ Top's drummer, Frank Beard, at the age of 77. This man, despite his name, was the sole "under-bearded" member of the arguably "over-bearded" rock group ZZ Top. The band formed in 1969 and produced nearly 20 albums before being finally inducted into the Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame in 2004.

Frank Beard (right,centre) and (left), the seriously 'underbearded'

drummer for the arguably 'overbearded' rock band ZZ Top - what madness!!!!

Frank won both our hearts long ago. Despite the band's success, he always maintained a humble attitude, saying, after the Hall of Fame induction: "All I have to say is that most of my life has been a pleasant surprise, and so is this! Thank you!"

Kudos, Frank!!!! What a guy !!!!! And may all our lives be full of pleasant surprises!!!!

21:30 On a thin night for TV, Lois and I can nonetheless relax at last, going to bed on the final episode in Diane Morgan's ground-breaking new BBC TV sitcom series, "Ann Droid". The series is all about a robot-helper, Linda, who assists "old codger" Sue (!) in coping with life after widowhood, rescuing her from the so-called "support" of Sue's useless grown-up son Michael. 

Poor Sue !!!!!

In the final episode from this new series, useless grown-up son Michael has moved back home to allegedly "help" his recently widowed mum Sue, but making a bad start by deciding to send Linda, his mum's "rent-a-robot" assistant, back to the robot-rental-company, in order to save money on the monthly payments - bad idea!!!!

The company van calls on Sue to collect robot Linda, stashing her in a van with a bunch of other obsolescent "old model" robots. In the van Linda makes friends with an obsolescent-model "romance robot" or "ro-robot". And it's this ro-robot who reveals to Linda where the van is taking them, and what their ultimate fate will be, which isn't good!!!

Linda shows her some photos of her rides on a roller-coaster with Sue and Michael. Ro-robot is envious - she's never been on a roller-coaster, but Linda tries to cheer ro-robot up, telling her that her next owner could take her for a ride on one, but that's out of the question, apparently, because used ro-robots are for some reason treated as "damaged goods" (!) - what madness!

Yikes! 

Luckily, however, Linda and her new ro-robot friend, both manage somehow to escape from the van. The two make their way home to Sue's house, where "romance robot" wastes no time in making up to useless grown-up son Michael, quickly winning him over, which is mad!

I sense a second series in the making haha!!!! And it'll be nice for Michael to have a kind of "love interest" of his own for the next series.

I wonder....!

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!

[It's only a story, Colin! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!

Thursday August 20th 2026 "Been on 'the cruise' of a lifetime lately? And if yes, did anything go wrong?"

Yes, Friends, have YOU been on the cruise of a lifetime recently. Maybe you've been on more than one! They're certainly any "big cruise" is "big news" at the moment, what with it being August and peak holiday time - in my neck of the woods, anyway, dominating the headlines in today's Onion News, which is solid proof, if any proof were needed!!!!

At least, however, this morning's shock headlines are bringing the briefest hint of a smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, here in leafy Liphook, Hampshire, which is a nice surprise!

my wife Lois and me - a recently discovered archive picture

And our somewhat unusual smiles today are occasioned today by the fortnightly, and always rowdy (!),  online meeting of the local U3A "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" group, which we lead "for our sins" (!!!). 

us trying to control another rowdy online meeting of the local U3A

online "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" group,

which we lead "for our sins" (!!!!!!)

During our online meeting today, Lois and I learn that one of our members, Jeanette, the only one of our number who is genuinely Danish, is going to be missing one of our September meetings because she'll be on a Saga cruise steaming up the Norwegian coast trapped in a boatload of other "old codgers", which sounds horrendous!!!!

(left) Jeanette, our group's only genuine Danish member, pictured on holiday

in Australia, and (right) publicity material for a typical "old codger" Saga cruise

And after the meeting is over, and Lois and I are clearing away our tea-cups (!), Jeanette's news brings a lively debate between us on whether we ourselves are now old enough to take a Saga cruise, maybe up a river somewhere, to avoid poor Lois's unfortunately legendary tendency to get sea-sick (!). Your views welcome!!!!

As you remember, mine and Lois's interest in the Intermediate Danish language stems from the 7 years (2012 to 2018) when our daughter Alison, plus husband Edward and their 3 kids Josie, Rosalind and Isaac were living in Copenhagen, during which time Lois and I visited the family multiple times.

flashback to June 2017, during one of mine and Lois's

many visits to see our daughter Alison and family in Copenhagen 

In that picture, our grandson Isaac was just 6 years old, but today that "little lad" is a young man of 16, and, as today dawns, he's been waiting anxiously for news of his GCSE results, like thousands of other youngsters nationwide, and I'm happy to report he got some excellent results (one '9', one '8' and five '7's - whatever that means but sounds good!), bless him! And when the new school year begins, next month, he'll be well on course to take his chosen A-Level subjects of Mandarin Chinese, Politics and Ancient Civilisations, no less, with visits to China galore, we suspect !!!!

(centre right) our grandson Isaac (ringed), now 16, at his mum Alison's 51st

birthday celebrations last week, and (below) Isaac, rightmost, with 

classmates, opening their GCSE results outside their local school, here in Liphook

Kudos, Isaac! All that hard work has definitely paid off, which is nice! You're on your way!!!!

So, all in all, a celebratory day for our family, and Lois and I, "Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple", as neighbours have dubbed us (!), are in celebratory mood as we take our morning walk over the "hallowed, but parched" turf of local soccer heroes Liphook United today. 

Having got seriously out of condition during the past month, due to the repeated heatwaves, Lois and I are "treading carefully" (no pun intended!!!) by taking a few preliminary straightforward 4000-step walks, with the object of gradually getting back a rudimentary level of fitness, so fingers crossed !!!!!

Lois and me this morning, making one of our few public appearances this week,

(left) inspecting the local "Old Codgers Bowling Club" and (right) 

the "hallowed but parched" turf of local soccer heroes Liphook United

The team's legendary Recreation Ground and its adjoining "old codgers" bowling green, both have a quiet, rather neglected, air this morning, with all the excitement generated by the team's "near-promising" start to the season, having calmed down to an extent which is nice! 

"The lads", as these local soccer heroes are known, now being occasionally semi-actively managed by former club legends Steve Harding and Ash Sharp, are currently said to be "languishing" at a comfortable 7th place in the prestigious Hampshire Premier League (Seniors) table, which is encouraging, to put it mildly!

A promising start to the season, with Liphook United "languishing" in the coveted no.7 spot, under

the management of club legends Steve Harding (above, right) and Ash Sharp [not shown]

Go Liphook! Go United !!!!! Ra, ra, ra haha!!!

"The lads" are also known as "the tigers of the Hampshire Premier League Senior Division", but truth be told they're not actual tigers - it's just a metaphor, so no need to get worried haha!!!!

(left) "the lads" of Liphook United, dubbed "the tigers of the Hampshire

Premier League Senior Division, and (right) some actual tigers

Yes, "tigers" here is just a metaphor, and, as luck would have it, Lois and I get a bit of a lecture on metaphors today from poet Jack Underwood, when we tune into BBC Radio 4, which is a bit of a coincidence, to put it mildly!

Underwood says that if you find yourself in need of a metaphor - maybe you're writing a speech or finishing off your latest blog-post (!) - he is willing to become a "metaphor consultant"|, and he will think of a fresh new metaphor for you, for a small fee, which sounds like good news!

One of our common metaphors is to talk of the future as being "ahead of us". And "going forward" is the annoying modern phrase for "in the future". By contrast, we refer to the past as being "behind us", which is kind of neat, expressing our idea of life as some kind of a journey.

However, Lois and I didn't know that this particular set of metaphors isn't universal. There are apparently some peoples in the world that express it the opposite way. The Aymara people of South America, for example, think of the past as being in front of them, because they've lived it and can "see it", whereas the future is being them, because they haven't lived it and so can't "see it". 

the Aymara people of South America, marching boldly, 

with all their past history "in front of them" (!)

Metaphors aren't just a poetic way of describing things, we hear this afternoon. They can also influence how we feel about things. Reading articles headlined "The Battle Against Climate Change" or "The War Against Climate apparently give us a greater sense of urgency than, say, "The Race Against Climate Change". 

"the race against climate change" vs. "the war against climate change"

- which one is the more serious crisis haha!!!!

In the early days of what we now call "artificial intelligence", the software was named various things before "AI" was settled on, as being the ideal way of suggesting that something similar to human ways of thinking was involved in it, and so be somehow more acceptable. And the more recent introduction of AI results beginning "I think...", "I believe..." etc makes these bits of software seem even more human than before. These little tentative, thoughtful interjections weren't there at the beginning of AI, we hear today, but introduced at a later point.

a typical AI "bot" preparing his response by automatically trawling the internet

Metaphors aren't neutral, either, and they can be 'weaponised'. It's possible to use metaphors in an insidious way, referencing unpleasant animals or even diseases maybe, to speak of developments that the speaker personally doesn't like - for example, if the arrival of migrants is insidiously made to seem like the introduction of parasites that are going to eat us so-called 'natives' alive, and from the inside, which is total madness!!!! 

Oh dear!!!! Something else to watch out for, and beware of - yikes !!!!

But fascinating stuff, isn't it !!!!

[If you say so! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!