Sunday August 23rd 2026 "Friends, is there an awkward 'age gap' between you and YOUR current 'squeeze'?"

Yes, Friends, is there an awkward 'age gap' between you and YOUR current 'squeeze'? It seems to be fashionable at the moment, to judge from these 'showbiz' pics in today's Onion News, to put it mildly!

However, all of the above celebrity 'age gaps' have started tongues wagging in their time, and it's even leading to questions, now, about 'inappropriate' pairings in the Western canon of literature and the cinema, would you believe! And none more so than in the coupling of the then 23-year-old actress Laura Dern with her screen 'squeeze' T Rex in the original Jurassic Park (1993), which is now being re-examined, or should I say "rex-amined" (!) [No! - Ed] by so-called woke critics, would you believe!

Yes, 'woke' critics are now even questioning whether the actress-dinosaur relationship portrayed in the film was was entirely appropriate, and may have been the trigger for a lot of the current 'uptick' in 'age gap' particularly in Hollywood.

The Onion News film critic takes the view that there were clear 'power dynamics' in play in the couple's relationship, since the T Rex was a deadly apex predator, and clearly outweighed Dern by more than 15,000 lbs (around 7000kg). And the question was posed, "Why is it always the giant reptilian beast and never the human woman who is tens of millions of years older?" 

Racquel Welch (26) with leading monster T Rex (top right), exact age unknown,

as featured  in blockbuster movie "One Million Years BC" (1966)

I wonder....!

And the Onion News film critic's penetrating question certainly brings a thoughtful smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois here today, in leafy Liphook, Hampshire - no question about that!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

Our own much smaller age gap - of two and a half months - has troubled us at times during our long relationship: however, now both 80, would you believe (!), we'll be celebrating our 54th wedding anniversary in 2 days' time, which offers tentative proof at least that we've ridden the 'stormy seas' of our age gap with not unconsiderable success, to put it mildly - touch wood!!!!!

It's an age gap of a different kind that we're dealing with today, however, when our 19-year-old granddaughter Josie, a first-year maths student at Durham, drives over from her home just over the county line in Churt, Surrey to spend a couple of hours chatting with her "old-codger" octogenarian grandparents (!), Lois and me, here at our home in Liphook.

(left) our 19-year-old granddaughter Josie, demolishing a takeaway

in our living-room this afternoon, and (right) Josie (second left) with

beau Will, and some of their student friends from Durham University

It's a situation that's new to us - chatting non-stop for two whole hours with somebody who's literally only a quarter of our age (!). Of course we often see Josie around, but normally in the company of her parents and/or her two siblings Rosalind (18) and Isaac (16)., with all the casual, cheery 'banter' that normally characterises such encounters. So it's great today to get this unexpected chance to really talk to Josie one-to-one, or should I say "two-to-one" (!) [No! - Ed], about her life, her interests, tastes in music, and her hopes for the future etc.

And we try not to preface too many of our questions with and "Things were so different when we were at  college! You wouldn't believe how much blah blah blah!", and I hope we succeeded, without 'ploughing that furrow' too determinedly! At least Josie didn't run screaming from our house after the first 10 minutes, so we're quietly confident that we didn't bore her too much, at least! 

flashback to 1972: (left) me (centre) collecting my richly-deserved MA degree,

and (right) Lois posing in my cap and gown with borrowed glasses - the saucy wench!!!

flashback to the 1960's: Lois (front, right) crossing the English Channel

on a study trip to Paris with fellow-students 

Josie's currently preparing to start her second year at Durham, in great excitement, because she'll be living out of college, starting from this academic year, fending for herself with 3 other girls in an actual house, while beau Will will be in another house with 3 other boys. And they've all got their whole lives in front of them - can you imagine how that must feel?!

Lois and I didn't know that one idea Josie has for her future career is as an actuary, and when we're talking to her, we pretend to know what that's all about, and we have got a rough idea (!), but we google it later, after she's gone home, just to be sure! Certainly her family members - dad Edward, and his siblings, and their close friends, have all trodden the "profession" route: lawyers (like dad Edward), surveyors, doctors, you know the kind of thing!

Of course! We remember now, haha!!!!

Josie's visit this afternoon has come as a pleasant surprise, and a chance for Lois and me to unwind, if briefly (!). Because this Sunday, as always, has been packed also with - like - a billion other absorbing activities (more probably!!!), and it begs the question, "How did we ever find the time to go to work, back in the day!!!!" 

Dubbed by neighbours as "possibly Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple" (!), earlier today we zipped over to nearby Petersfield for Lois's church's Sunday Morning Meeting, where we get the chance, after the meeting, for a quick word with Chief Elder Richard's wise-cracking brother-in-law and professional-Yorkshireman (only kidding, Philip, if you're reading this!!!) the always amusing Philip, and then, later, another word with our friend, noted archaeologist Grahame, friend of TV's Alice Roberts and TV's Raksha Dave of Time Team and, like, a billion other documentary series (!).

(left) the village hall near Petersfield, Hampshire, where Lois's church holds

its Sunday Morning Meeting, and (right) us in the back row, with, in the

background, noted archaeologist Grahame, friend of TV's Alice Roberts

There isn't too much time today for chat, however, before we find ourselves zipping home for a hurried lunch and our weekly Sunday catch-up video call with our daughter Sarah in Perth, Australia, and with her 13-year-old twins Lily and Jessica, who are currently preparing, excitedly, for their school's annual camping trip in 10 days' time, when they'll be doing "kayaking, rock-climbing and team-building etc etc" up the Swan River.

What madness -  the little scamps !!!!

us today on our weekly Sunday "catch-up" video call with our daughter Sarah (49)

and her 13-year-old twins Lily and Jessica: dad Francis is out doing something dad-like (!)

Busy busy busy!!!!!

21:00 And before finally collapsing gratefully into bed tonight, we somehow even find the time to see the first half of a 2-hour documentary on the free-to-view Sky Arts channel, all about French film star Brigitte Bardot, who died at the end of last year at the grand old age of 91, so a really good 'innings', to put it mildly (!).

The programme opens, tellingly, in the middle of this interview with straight-laced BBC presenter Geoffrey Johnson-Smith, back in 1956:

Johnson-Smith, however, isn't willing to take this answer at face-value, and he presses her further, beginnig to dig deeper into Miss Bardot and her attitudes, which turns out to be revealing!

Is this satisfying to Bardot personally, however? And at this point, Johnson-Smith presses her even further, which is even more revealing!

Kudos, "BB" !!! That must have given old Geoffrey Johnson-Smith something to "put in his pipe and smoke it", and "in spades" !!!!

And there are plenty of other surprises in store for Lois and me during the first part of the documentary that we have time to view before dashing "bedwards" (!) at 10 pm: firstly how unlike the later "blonde bombshell" Bardot was in her childhood, with her glasses and dark-to- mousy-looking hair and an awkward, ungainly way of stumbling about, as filmed by her movie-camera crazy dad Louis, very much the "ugly duckling", compared to her cleverer, and prettier sister.

BB - "My childhood was quite unlike my life now"

We also learn how Brigitte's troubled relationship with mum Anne-Marie fuelled the feisty attitude she showed throughout her movie career, refusing to wear high heels, for instance, preferring the casual  look with flat shoes and comfortable clothes, resenting the fact that women in the movie industry were required to make sacrifices not asked of male stars. The Pope called her a "Satanist", but she was so popular with audiences that she boasted that she never had to sleep with anybody just to get a good part. And we see also her preference for "trading in" her personal  current "squeezes" for newer models, every few years etc etc! 

But more later on this, when we've had the chance to see the second half, so watch this space!

[I can't wait! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go "bedwards"! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!

Saturday August 22nd 2026 "Friends, are YOU postponing something that could make you famous?"

Yes, Friends, are YOU currently "putting off" something that potentially could put you in the history books?

We've all done it, haven't we, and there's almost a national epidemic of "postponements" and cries of "Next week, maybe!", if we're to believe today's edition of Onion News - turn to page 94, if you want "chapter and verse", as they say !!!!

And the stories bring a bit of a one-sided smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in leafy Liphook, Hampshire, to put it mildly!!!!

me and my wife Lois - recent pictures

And if your answer to my question is a cheery, "Yes, Colin, I AM currently postponing something that could put me in the history books!", my advice is to start on it pretty soon, because it can't be done in 5 minutes, to put it mildly! And if you're a bit tied up at the moment, PLEASE PLEASE promise me you'll do it as soon as the summer holiday is over and the kids all go back to school - don't put it off any longer than that!!!!

Lois and I are laughing, because we've been reminded today of one of the great "postponers" of history. Step forward Trojan hero, Aeneas, who, after the Trojan War ended badly for his people, set off into the Mediterranean with some of his Trojan buddies, with a mission to found a great new city (Rome) and the world's soon-to-be-greatest empire (the Roman Empire).

Trojan hero Aeneas, leaving the ruins of his defeated city,

on a mission to found the city of Rome and a great empire

However, Aeneas was one of history's "great postponers", because, en route to founding the city of Rome, Aeneas somehow found time, along the way, to spend a "wasted" year in Carthage on the North African coast, more or less just going to bed every night with Dido, the beautiful Queen of Carthage, would you believe! 

What madness, wasn't it !!!!

Aeneas's tortuous route from the defeated city of Troy, on a mission

to found the city of Rome, but with a protracted delay in Carthage along the way

to pursue one of Aeneas's subsidiary interests - what madness !!!!!

And Aeneas and Dido's notorious, year-long, affair was all later written up by Roman author Virgil, in his classic "Aeneid Book II", a copy of which, quite coincidentally, "plops" through mine and Lois's letter-box today, which is a nice surprise!

(left) Yours Truly today, showcasing my shiny-new copy of Virgil's Aeneid Book II,

and (right) Trojan hero Aeneas getting up-close-and-personal with Dido, 

Queen of Carthage, who he decided was a better deal than founding a great city!!!!

The arrival of this book in our post today, however, is in some ways, a bit of a blow to Lois and me, because we'd forgotten that, one of our current study-courses - Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers - is due to re-start in a couple of weeks time, adding yet another heavy demand to our time, to put it mildly!

flashback to last winter: our teacher Joe taking one of our classes in his

critically-acclaimed "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" course, 

for the benefit of his mainly female students, informally dubbed "Joe's harem" (!)

I've been told that Lois and I have been dubbed by neighbours as "possibly Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple", which is mad! But certainly today just underlines our local "moniker", as we perform another of our punishing 4000-step walks this morning. Still officially "recuperating" from our enforced idleness during the heat waves, we today once more revisit the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes Liphook United, and watch a scratch team of juniors playing a warm-up game in front of a small but enthusiastic "crowd" of casual observers (!).

Yes, with the season just beginning, Liphook is slowly but surely, becoming "soccer crazy" once more, no doubt about that!!!

Lois and me on one of our challenging 4000-step walks over the "hallowed turf"

of local soccer heroes Liphook United, where we stop to watch a junior

warm-up game played out in front of a small but enthusiastic crowd (!)

Even our customary afternoon-in-bed is slightly curtailed - we have to manage with only 3 hours of it today, would you believe (!) - but for a nice reason! Our dear 51-year-old daughter Alison is dropping by at 5:30pm to give us back the red curtains Lois and I bought for our house in America back in the early 1980s, and which we loaned Alison some time ago, for some reason which I can't remember! 

She and husband Edward have been clearing out the garage of their temporary rental home in nearby Churt, in preparation for moving back next month into their real home - a crumbling Victorian mansion built by one of Queen Victoria's admirals, a mansion which, for the last 18 months or so has been in the hands of builders carrying out a large-scale refurbishment job.

the crumbling Victorian mansion owned by our daughter Alison and husband Edward,

which, for 18 months, has been in the hands of builders doing a massive refurbishment

From the recent pictures of the property (see above), it's hard to believe that the building will actually be ready for Alison and Edward and their 3 teenage kids to move back into by mid-September, but the builders say it'll be "mostly done" (?). Luckily, just in case, Ali and Edward have installed a "shepherd's hut" in their extensive grounds that they can sleep temporarily, in case of any last-minute "hiccups". 

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!

(left) Alison dropping in to see us today, and (right) the temporary

"shepherd's hut", where the family will sleep if their mansion isn't quite ready (!)

But let's hope, with all the "postponement fever" going around at the moment, that Alison's builders nevertheless aren't tempted to put back the completion date again. And let's hope that the family will be able to move back into their mansion on schedule in mid-September. Fingers crossed!

However, what of Harry and Meghan moving back to the UK soon, apparently so that Meghan can play a prestigious role in some mysterious TV series that hasn't been named (!). 

Lois and I thought that the Sussexes had just been messing around in the US, having a good time, like Dido and Aeneas, but we were wrong.

We weren't aware, that, according to a text today from Steve, our American brother-in-law, not only that money may be the main factor, but also that Harry and Meghan have actually been "crusaders" all this time, promoting good causes during their time in the States - what madness, isn't it!

Who knew!!!!!

[I expect a lot of people knew, Colin! - Ed]

They'll actually be home before Alison and Edward are, which is totally mad!

Well, Lois and I can't postpone any longer our trip, back up the stairs to Dreamland, so will this do?

[Oh just do it! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!!!

Friday August 21st 2026 "Friends, in all this heat, are bugs 'bugging' you today - no pun intended!!!!"

Yes, Friends, what with all these periodic heatwaves this summer, has YOUR house of flat seen invasions of little bugs and flies, that have suddenly seemed to "crawl out of the woodwork" - again, no pun intended!!!

The "uptick" in ticks and other bugs [That's enough unintended puns! - Ed] is certainly "infesting" (!) the press with lots of lurid headlines at the moment. totally filling page 94 of my print version of Onion News - the page I normally use to 'swat' them with, which is ironic!!!!

The stories are even making me and my wife Lois show the beginnings of an awkward smile today, here in the semi-paradise humans (and others!) call Liphook, Hampshire - there's no mistaking that!!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

Putting my cards on the table at this point, I'd like to point out that even Lois and I have recently been "bugged" by a bug in our own dear house here in Liphook, Hampshire - an annoying little dozy house-fly, who's nonetheless too 'fly' (!) to be caught by our shiny new humane bug-catcher, from Coopers of Stortford. 

Humming "No More Mr Nice Guy", however, and googling our problem on the internet this morning, I find this intriguing suggestion from that nice Mr. Google, which I decide to try out at once - you know what I'm like, me being Mr "No Time Like The Present" incarnate !!!!

I decide to use a repurposed margarine tub, with honey as my "attractant". However, Lois says I'm a fool to stick a large "Fly Trap" notice, but I'm pretty sure that most flies don't speak English. Also I don't want to be accused, either of not giving fair warning, or of being accused of "entrapment", should the matter ever come to court. You can't be too careful these days - even flies have their 'lobbies' and 'spokes-flies', which is totally mad, I know!!

By the end of today, the results of what I believe spies call a "honey trap" (!) are inconclusive - no little fly-corpses floating in the tub so far, I can (exclusively) reveal, but it's early days, so watch this space!!!!

[I don't think I'll bother! - Ed]

And my flytrap 'malarkey' marks just the start of another typically day for Lois and me, making another of our rare public appearances this morning doing more watering of our plants and vegetables, using so-called 'grey water' (our used water), followed by another challenging 4000-step walk over the local recreation ground.

(left) Lois watering shrubs in our tiny front-garden, and (right)

us doing another challenging 4000-step walk over the local 'rec' (recreation ground)!

Talk about a hectic day! No wonder neighbours have dubbed us "Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple"! 

But like all busy-looking people, we have a guilty secret, which is that we spend most of our afternoons in bed for "statutory nap-time", so no wonder we can afford to look busy in the mornings! Well, something's got to give, hasn't it - with our new semi-official title of "Mr and Mrs Busy-Looking", we've got an image to maintain, and batteries to be constantly recharged! Well, we're only human, despite appearances!!!

the secret behind our public "busy-looking" image - 

afternoons in bed for "statutory nap-time"

16:00 Four o'clock, and out of bed already (!), we even have time to catch BBC Radio 4's "Last Word" programme, while we drink our Early Greys and munch on our Ryvitas! 

We always like to listen to this weekly radio obit-roundup, if we can, not only to keep up with "Who's died this week", but also to get a degree of confirmation from the fact that we ourselves are not on it yet (!), which is always nice to know!

I have to say that Lois and I shed only a few tears this afternoon for former Chinese Premier Zhu Rongji (1928-2026). Yes, at the turn of the millennium, he brought in some much-needed economic and business reforms to the then-creaking and hopelessly inefficient and corrupt Chinese economy, but he remained wedded to the idea of China as a one-party state, which was a pity.

We are unmitigatedly sorry, however, to hear of the passing of rock band ZZ Top's drummer, Frank Beard, at the age of 77. This man, despite his name, was the sole "under-bearded" member of the arguably "over-bearded" rock group ZZ Top. The band formed in 1969 and produced nearly 20 albums before being finally inducted into the Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame in 2004.

Frank Beard (right,centre) and (left), the seriously 'underbearded'

drummer for the arguably 'overbearded' rock band ZZ Top - what madness!!!!

Frank won both our hearts long ago. Despite the band's success, he always maintained a humble attitude, saying, after the Hall of Fame induction: "All I have to say is that most of my life has been a pleasant surprise, and so is this! Thank you!"

Kudos, Frank!!!! What a guy !!!!! And may all our lives be full of pleasant surprises!!!!

21:30 On a thin night for TV, Lois and I can nonetheless relax at last, going to bed on the final episode in Diane Morgan's ground-breaking new BBC TV sitcom series, "Ann Droid". The series is all about a robot-helper, Linda, who assists "old codger" Sue (!) in coping with life after widowhood, rescuing her from the so-called "support" of Sue's useless grown-up son Michael. 

Poor Sue !!!!!

In the final episode from this new series, useless grown-up son Michael has moved back home to allegedly "help" his recently widowed mum Sue, but making a bad start by deciding to send Linda, his mum's "rent-a-robot" assistant, back to the robot-rental-company, in order to save money on the monthly payments - bad idea!!!!

The company van calls on Sue to collect robot Linda, stashing her in a van with a bunch of other obsolescent "old model" robots. In the van Linda makes friends with an obsolescent-model "romance robot" or "ro-robot". And it's this ro-robot who reveals to Linda where the van is taking them, and what their ultimate fate will be, which isn't good!!!

Linda shows her some photos of her rides on a roller-coaster with Sue and Michael. Ro-robot is envious - she's never been on a roller-coaster, but Linda tries to cheer ro-robot up, telling her that her next owner could take her for a ride on one, but that's out of the question, apparently, because used ro-robots are for some reason treated as "damaged goods" (!) - what madness!

Yikes! 

Luckily, however, Linda and her new ro-robot friend, both manage somehow to escape from the van. The two make their way home to Sue's house, where "romance robot" wastes no time in making up to useless grown-up son Michael, quickly winning him over, which is mad!

I sense a second series in the making haha!!!! And it'll be nice for Michael to have a kind of "love interest" of his own for the next series.

I wonder....!

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!

[It's only a story, Colin! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!