Wednesday September 23rd 2026 "Feet, eh! We need them for so many things, don't we !!!!!"

Yes, Friends, our feet, eh?!!! We need them for so many things, as heart-throb Bernard Breslaw articulated in his big 1958 hit record, "You Need Feet" - remember that one, sports fans?

They don't write lyrics like those any more, do they!

[Thank goodness for that! - Ed]

However, feet, even today, are still 'making the running', when it comes to the bigger news stories - no pun intended!!!! Here are just a few of the headlines in today's Onion News, if you need proof!!!!

And these stories, if nothing else, bring a bit of a shy smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-pleasant Liphook, Hampshire, as we take our almost daily walk over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes Liphook United, that's for sure!

my wife Lois and me this morning, doing our near-daily walk

over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes Liphook United

And we're laughing, partly because our so-called 'feet' are going to be dominating our day today, starting with a visit from "Toes Woman" - local woman Julie, who's going to be cutting our toe nails for us, would you believe! Nothing quite tells you you're old as much as having to pay somebody to cut your toe-nails for your, no question about that!

(left) a salutary warning about ageing from charity Age UK, and (right)

Lois having her toe-nails cut by local woman Julie - what madness, isn't it!

Toes aren't much use without feet, however, and feet aren't much use without legs, we've also found, in the course of our long lives (!), and Bernard Bresslaw's 1958 smash "You Need Feet" isn't the only "paeon" to that sentiment, to put it mildly!

Do you remember, from way back in 1983, "She's Got Legs (And She Knows How To Use Them)" from over-bearded combo "ZZ Top", perhaps?

And (again (!)) they don't write lyrics like that any more, do they!

[And (again), thank goodness for that! - Ed]

However, the ZZ Top combo's only arguably under-bearded member, the ironically monikered Frank Beard, sadly died recently, and, at the time, UK political magazine Private Eye's staff poet, EJ Thribb, wrote some  moving lines to commemorate Frank's passing in the magazine's popular "Poetry Corner" feature - did you see them, a couple of weeks ago, now?

Fabulous stuff wasn't it, from the pen of the magazine's master wordsmith and "obit specialist", EJ Thribb, who I believe is only 17 and a half, and already showing amazing talent, to put it mildly!

Yes, beautiful lines, aren't they, but even these have become the subject of controversy, in an admittedly 'slow news week' (!), with Amersham-based critic Roger Thomas taking up his cudgels, or his 'quills' at least (!), in the current  edition of Private Eye, to protest about the sentiments about Frank, so movingly expressed by Thribb in the previous edition, would you believe !!!!

(left) Yours Truly showcasing the current issue of political magazine Private Eye,

that "plopped" through our letterbox today, and (right) the broadside from

Amersham-based critic Roger Thomas, that's reignited the controversy - what madness!!!

What a crazy country we live in !!!!

Of course, Roger Thomas has made his name as a 'pedant', and there's a long tradition of pedantry in this country, dating back to the so-called "Pedants Revolt" of 1381 - you can even get yourself a mug commemorating the event, which is mad!

And we live not just in a crazy country, but in a crazy world too, if the Private Eye's 'special feature' on the so-called "AI tech bros" is to be believed!

What madness, isn't it! Imagine if, Elon Musk, say, were to walk into your house today, for all the world looking like a normal person and opening a non-tech conversation with you - it's the stuff of nightmares, isn't it haha !!!!!

For Lois and me, however, by contrast, this Wednesday been another busy but joyful day, with visits by two of our grandchildren, Josie (20) and Isaac (16), who have both been fleeing the chaos at their own home in nearby Headley, a house which is currently being 'infested' with builders, would you believe!

Poor them!!!!!

(above left) the home of our daughter Alison and husband Edward, currently

being renovated by builders, and (above right) our 20-year-old granddaughter Josie,

and (below) our16-year-old grandson Isaac, with his boy-girl band New Horizon

Their house is currently being renovated by builders, a-hammering and a-yammering (!) from morn till night (!), and those two young scamps Josie and Issac have sought refuge with Lois and me today - Josie in the morning to record some videos for her applications for internships with local firms, and Isaac this afternoon, to do his online video session with his Mandarin Chinese tutors - what utter utter utter madness, isn't it !!!

And Josie's and Isaac's dad, hotshot railway lawyer and company director Edward, has taken even more extreme action to get away from those builders and their hammerin' and their yammerin' !!! He's invented some obvious fabrication, some far-fetched excuse to fly to Boston - the American one (!) - for talks about a joint venture with an American railroad company, if you please!!!  A likely story, Edward! What nonsense, isn't it !!!!!

our son-in-law Edward, pictured yesterday in a Boston bar (not 'Cheers' !) with one of 

his English lawyer-pals, allegedly on a so-called 'business trip' to negotiate

a joint venture with some US railroad company. Pull the other one, Edward haha!!!

21:00 In short, it's been another crazy day for Lois and me, and nice tonight to relax with the first programme in the new series of the incredibly long-running sitcom "Not Going Out", written and masterminded by standup comedian Lee Mack, now in its 20th year.

Here's a typical scene from the series, with Lee and girlfriend entertaining friend Toby and girlfriend to a lavish dinner at their flat:

Fabulous writing, isn't it. And I'm sure that "cheapo" supermarket Lidl appreciated the "plug" - dating, of course, from those far-off days before so-called "product placement" became a bone of contention, so fair enough!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!

Tuesday September 22nd 2026 "Women, eh!!! Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em !!!!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU a woman? Or do you KNOW a woman? There are plenty around, I've discovered! Another thing is that you just can't keep women out of the news, and "in spades" !!!!

Take some of the headlines in today's Onion News - there are a few "doozies" to choose from, and this here is "Colin's Pick" (cue fanfare !!!!) !!!!

And, if nothing else, today's women-related "bombshells" bring a cheeky grin to the faces of me and my wife Lois here in semi-pastoral Liphook, Hampshire, as we take our near-daily walk, which today leads us into the trees and babbling waters of nearby Radford Park, which is nice!

my wife Lois and me this morning, as we take our near-daily walk,

today visiting, nearby, the trees and streams of semi-attractive Radford Park

And we're laughing particularly today, because we ourselves have never ever had any problem with feminism, and ours is very much 'a marriage of equals'.

I always allocate to Lois a full 50% share of both our sofa and our bed, where we spend most of our time, and why not! [That's big of you, Colin! - Ed]. Plus we know we've got a relatively easy day in front of us today, with a gentle walk in the park, an afternoon in bed, and an evening on the sofa watching the telly. So what's not to like!!!

me and my wife Lois - having one of our rare "quiet days" for once, if you please!!!!

Well, we reckon we've earned our 'quiet day' today, and "in spades" !!! 

We're both still quite tired, actually. The last 8 days have been a riot of fun, hosting our 3 grandchildren for a week while their house has been in the charge of builders, and then speeding north east to Ipswich, Suffolk for 3 days to attend the wedding of my niece Lucy. And "old codgers" though we undoubtedly be (note the subjunctive!), we let our hair down, and finished the weekend with a hectic "boogie" at the post-wedding disco. Not to mention our attendance at yesterday's "class", as members, "for our sins" (!), of retired schoolteacher Joe's U3A group "Intermediate Latin for Local Old Codgers". 

Busy busy busy!!!! 

No wonder so many of our neighbours have quietly been dubbing us "possibly Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple" - but no surprise there !!!!

a look-back at mine and Lois's crazy week: (left) our daughter Alison and husband Edward

formally handing over to our care their 3 kids Josie Isaac and Rosalind, while their

crumbling Victorian mansion in nearby Headley is being renovated - what madness!!!;

and (right) Ipswich: the Saturday wedding of my niece Lucy to her fiancee Rosanna

flashback to Saturday in Ipswich, Suffolk: my niece Lucy with new wife Rosanna, 

leading off the post-wedding disco, during which even "old codgers" Yours Truly and Lois

managed a crafty "boogie", shoulder-to-shoulder with the other guests, would you believe!!!

The Saturday wedding of Lucy and Rosanna, upstairs in the Ipswich County Library, surrounded by, like, a billion books - more probably! - was certainly a memorable experience, particularly when the celebrant ended the ceremony with the momentous words "I now pronounce you wife and wife". 

And it was fascinating for Lois and me, at the post-wedding reception, to see a chart celebrating the major milestones in the long and difficult process eventually leading to the legalising of same-sex marriages in the UK, and allowing soulmates Lucy and her Anglo-American fiancee Rosanna to "plight their troth", as people used to call it!

It all started in 2003, Lois and I learn, when the so-called "Section 28" regulations were repealed in England and Wales, and in the same year also in the USA, when, after the results of "Lawrence v. Texas", the US Supreme Court struck down any laws criminalising private consensual same-sex intimacy. 

chart depicting the major milestones of the LGBTQ movement's fight to legalise

same-sex marriages in the UK and US, ending with Lucy and Rosanna's "special day"

Certainly, Lucy and Rosanna are not going to have any feminist battles to wage in their marriage, either, seeing as how there won't even be a single (or otherwise!) man about the house, to "stick his oar in" (if I can put it like that!), that's for sure !!!!

It wasn't so simple for women 1000 years ago, however, as Lois and I learn from catching up with Sunday's edition of "Countryfile", which, for this episode, focuses on the current loan of the Bayeux Tapestry, by France, to the British Museum. 

Although the famous tapestry was woven by Anglo-Saxon women after the Norman leader William the Conqueror's successful invasion in 1066, it's notable that the 230 ft long tapestry doesn't exactly highlight the women of the time, which is a pity, to put it mildly!

That deficiency - the almost complete lack of women in the tapestry's story - is shortly going to be remedied, however, because the tapestry is currently being "recreated", a thousand years later, by a group of enthusiastic modern-day embroiderers in East Sussex. The project, started in 2024, was the idea of local Sussex resident Tina Greene, who decided to replicate the tapestry using traditional materials, as a show of friendship with the people of Normandy. More than 1200 local residents have so far contributed at least one stitch to the tapestry, which will be handed over to Normandy next year to mark the 1000th anniversary of the birth of William the Conqueror.

And perhaps the best part of the project is, that finally - finally!!! - women are going to be "photoshopped into" the tapestry, as the process might be called today! While the materials are still authentic for the time, Tina has reimagined a part of the story, stitching William's wife Matilda into the design, which is a nice idea!

Kudos, Tina !!!! And Kudos, Matilda!!!!!

After 1000 years, at last it's "Women rule OK", or, "Les femmes règnent, ok!", as they say in France haha!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!

Monday, September 21st 2026 "Friends, are YOU just totally exhausted? Well, join the club haha!!!!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU feeling what people call "exhausted"? If you are, well join the club!!

I think possibly everybody in Britain has had a busy weekend, and are all feeling 'rubbish' this Monday morning! At least that's the impression I get from glancing briefly at my printed copy of Onion News today! The whole nation is "dead on its feet", seemingly, and, as a feeling, that's pretty much universal today, which is mad !!!!

It's almost an epidemic, isn't it - and like yawning, it's very catching! At least that's what my wife Lois and I are feeling as we scan today's headlines before somewhat wearily starting our day, here in semi-picturesque Liphook, Hampshire - no question about that!!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

But let me put my cards on the table at this point. Lois and I have just spent a joyous, but also exhausting, weekend, happily celebrating the wedding of my niece Lucy to her fiancee Rosanna in Ipswich, Suffolk, in the company of, like, a billion other wedding guests - more probably! 

And up till last night we were bubbling over, and feeling deliriously excited, but this morning, we are realising just how tired we are, which is fair enough - well we are 80, you know, although we look like we're in our twenties,  neighbours tell us - and no, they aren't just being "ironic", if that's what you're suggesting by your dubious expression !!!

flashback to the weekend: (left) the happy couple, my niece Lucy and fiancee Rosanna

on the steps of the Ipswich County Library, where they got married on Saturday,

and (right) Lois and me ending the joyous day with a quick drink at the bar

Now, however, it's Monday morning, and Lois and I have a Latin class to go to, would you believe, which is mad!  No peace for the wicked !!!!!!

You see, "for our sins", we're both members of local retired schoolmaster Joe's U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, which is holding its fortnightly meeting in Haslemere, Surrey, this morning, so we soon find ourselves plunged into Roman poet Virgil's Aeneid, all about the foundation of Rome by Trojan war veteran Aeneas in the 8th century BC, if you please, which is also mad!!!!

(above) Trojan war hero Aeneas founding the city of Rome in the 8th century BC, and

(below) a typical fortnightly meeting of the local U3A  "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group,

run by local retired schoolmaster Joe (seen below right, seated by the television)

Joe has arranged a new regular time for his meetings, starting today, of 11:30am to 1:30pm, which is equally awkward for all his group members, so fair enough! But at least we can all of us make it at that time - Lois and I would only be having lunch, if we weren't here, so fair enough, that's what we say! 

However, I think that, despite our tiredness, both Lois and I do quite well during the meeting, translating both ways, Latin into English and vice versa - although what most keeps us going during the meeting is the thought that we'll be back home and in bed by 2pm, which is a great morale-booster, to put it mildly!!!!

Lois and me at one of Joe's typical Latin class meetings

As we find out later, Lois and I are in fact much luckier than the happy "just married" couple - Lucy and Rosanna, whose wedding we attended this last weekend. We had imagined that the couple would be well on their way around Europe by now, on their planned "Eurorail Honeymoon", leaving London by "Eurostar" train. 

Not so, however, according to this post by Lucy this morning on social media.

Apparently Lucy's electric wheelchair was not allowed to board their Eurostar train early this morning at London's St Pancras station, because of a problem with the ramps that's been going on for 2 months, a problem for which, critically, Lucy and Rosanna had received no prior warning.

(above) an advert for Eurostar - "Where will Eurostar take you?", and (below) Lucy's justifiably anguished post this morning on social media

So the answer to the question posed in the advertisement "Where will Eurostar take you?" seems to be "precisely nowhere beyond London St Pancras" in this case (!). 

It's also a further reminder to Lois and me of the issues faced by disabled people, never being able to be 100% sure, even on holiday, that some hold-up won't occur at some point or other, for some stupid reason or other. Let's hope a solution was found in this case, and the couple got to Brussels for the start of their European honeymoon, but we'll see. Watch this space!

20:00 At least tonight Lois and I can give our tired brains a bit of a workout, watching one of our favourite TV quizzes, Only Connect, which tests lateral thinking. And it's presented, as always, by Victoria Coren-Mitchell.

And here's a couple of real "doozies" for you from tonight's show, just to get your "grey matter" whirring all over the place, shall we say! [Let's not! - Ed]

Can YOU work out the connection between these four seemingly unrelated clues?

I think you've got this one, haven't you! Yes, that's right, they all refer to expressions involving "tooth" or "teeth": "long in the tooth", i.e. "old"; "kicked in the teeth", i.e. "knocked back", "lacking teeth", of, for example, an ineffective regulatory body etc; and finally "cutting one's teeth" for gaining an initial experience in some chosen field or other. 

Simples!!!!

And how about this one?

Yes, right again! These are all the literal English translations of local expressions for the word "police", in Greece, Italy, Ireland and Wales: astynomia (Greece), carabinieri (Italy), garda (Ireland) and heddliu (Wales). 

And as always, presenter Victoria Coren-Mitchell expresses her enthusiasm for all things Welsh, which is nice!

And here's another doozy from the show's "sequences round". 

Can YOU guess what the fourth element would be in this sequence?

The programme's question-setters suggest the mythical dog Cerberus for the fourth element in the sequence. But why?

It's obvious when you know!The first element is a reference to dogs with no nose, from the old "dad joke" - "My dog's got no nose" / "So, how does he smell?" / "Terrible!".

The second element represents dogs with just one nose, i.e. most dogs, including the famous film-star dog, Lassie.

The third element represents dogs who seem to have two noses, e.g. the celebrated Andean Tiger Hound, which looks as if it has two of them, which must be useful: benefitting from stereophonic smells, if that makes sense! [No! - Ed]

a celebrated Andean Tiger Hound, which looks

as if it has 2 noses

The suggested fourth element in the sequence, however, the mythical dog Cerberus, trumped the lot of them, because he famously had three heads, and hence three noses.

Later, however, after the show, Lois and I google the legendary three-headed Cerberus, and find out that he was probably also the first dog in the world to be called "Spot", presumably by his owner or owners, whoever they were (?).

I wonder.... !

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!