Saturday October 31st 2026 "Halloween again - have YOU carved YOUR pumpkin yet haha!!!"

Yes, it's Halloween! And thank goodness Onion News has managed to bring out their special "Pumpkin News Supplement" on time this year, after last year's debacle, when it came out a week late, due, they said, to "leaves on the line", or some-such madness! What madness!!!

And here's Colin's pick of the "doozies" this year !!!!

It's all a bit mad, isn't it, if I'm honest! But today's pumpkin headlines bring a "ghost" of a smile (no pun intended!!!) to the blanched cheeks of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-lovely Liphook, Hampshire, as we take our "Halloween walk" through the trees and over the brooks of nearby Radford Park - no question about that!!!!

my wife Lois and me taking our annual Halloween walk through the trees

and across the streams in nearby Radford Park

Pumpkins are very much on our minds today, of course, but nobody could accuse our Ocado pumpkin of being morbidly obese" - that's for sure!!! But it was the biggest the online supermarket had to offer us, so fair enough!

Lois carves our 2026 pumpkin sticking a cheeky tongue out (the pumpkin, not Lois!!!!),

while somehow also managing to prepare our lunch (see picture 2!) which is mad!!!!

And having positioned our pumpkin outside our front door, we "do the tour" of neighbours' displays, and award our coveted "Colin Award" to this house, with its "creepy gardener" theme - Kudos, those guys on the corner!!!!

I must say that skeleton looks strangely familiar, however - maybe it wasn't a display after all, just a morbidly-un-obese guy, trying to earn an honest quid or two perhaps? Whatever - but he's certainly done a good job - that lawn looks immaculate!!!

I wonder...!

And while Lois was busy in the kitchen carving this year's pumpkin, I had the onerous job of collecting all our fun-size chocolate bars together for tonight's expected "rampage" of trick-or-treaters!!!

Lois said I was mad to buy so many bags, but we actually get well over a hundred kids ringing our doorbell after darkness falls, between 5:30pm and 7:30pm, so "Kudos, Yours Truly!". At one stage, we even think we're  going to run out of them, but luckily we've still got a couple of bags to shamelessly gorge ourselves on later, so that's all good!!!

And, needless to say, today is another frantically busy day for Lois and me, quite apart from the Halloween shenanigans! After a much-reduced hour or two in bed for afternoon "nap-time" - it has to be just a quickie today, unfortunately - because at 3pm we're due at the local Liphook U3A Open Day at the town's iconic "Millennium Hall", where we find ourselves signing up to even more groups, which is mad: the History Group and the Strollers Group, with Lois also signing up to the Card-Making group, would you believe!

(left) Lois and me [inset] at a typical U3A Open meeting today, with (right)

me showcasing our latest group memberships: card-making, history and "strollers"

The "strollers group" outings always include a pub lunch, however, and it's considered 'okay' if you just turn up for the lunch bit, the group's leader tells us, so that's a relief!

But what utter utter utter madness!!!

16:00 We get home from the U3A Open Meeting to find pictures of Halloween Australia from our daughter Sarah, who lives in Perth, Australia with husband Francis and their 13-year-old twins Lily and Jessica.

Due to the 8 hour time-difference, Halloween is already "done and dusted" by now, but Sarah says the twins "had a fabulous time", dressed as jellyfish, would you believe, using see-through umbrellas decorated with little lights - the young scamps!!!

our daughter Sarah in Perth, Australia, with her twin daughters

Lily and Jessica, dressed as jellyfish for the evening's shenanigans - the young scamps!!!

Also, when Lois and I get home this afternoon, there are pictures from one of our other grandchildren, our daughter Alison's youngest: Isaac (16). He's just started A-Level Mandarin Chinese at the local high school in Liphook, and Isaac and his classmates returned yesterday from a 10-day study visit to a city in South China, where they spent time getting to know students at a local school over there.

The Chinese school even seems to have "kitted out" Isaac and classmates in their own distinctive uniforms, of pale pink shirts, plus and white either trousers or skirts, depending on their "persuasion", perhaps (!).

To Lois and me, it all seems to be a bit of a puzzle, but no doubt we'll hear more when Isaac plus mum Alison and dad Edward come to us on Sunday evening for a meal and a "catch-up"!

Isaac and 4 of his fellow students even sang a song in Mandarin Chinese at the closing ceremony. As someone with his own rock group back here in the Hampshire/Surrey "badlands" (!), he was an obvious choice, we would imagine to perform the song! 

See him perform here - he's second from left in this picture - the young scamp!!!

Yes, "young people connect, across different backgrounds", and, above all, "kindness and sincerity speak the same language".

Amen to that!!!

But wait - there's more!!!

And it seems incredible, I know, but Lois and I somehow even found time, during our incredibly busy day today, to drive to Haslemere, just over the county line in Surrey, to pick up a nice "Bramley Apple and Blackberry Crumble" for the dessert tomorrow Sunday at the meal with Isaac and his mum and dad (yum yum!!!), so that's all good!

Lois and I somehow find time in our incredibly busy day to drive to

Haslemere, just over the county line in Surrey, and pick up

this delicious-looking apple and blackberry crumble for tomorrow's meal

Yes, it'll be so nice tomorrow to see Isaac and get his personal reflections on his China study trip. 

One thing that particularly puzzles Lois and me is the fact that the group, all students at our local high-school here in Liphook, seem to have been given the challenge of explaining British culture in 20 minutes to a young Chinese audience, which to Lois and me seems to be a bit of a "tall order" (!).

But what a great idea for a TV game show, if our TV channels run out of ideas after all the other game shows they broadcast every night of the week!

I wonder.....!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!

Friday October 30th 2026 "You read it here first - yes, it's time to put a little something by for Christmas 2027 haha!!!!

Yes, Friends, I know you've got your "cookie jar" of savings for this coming Christmas, but have you started one, to run in parallel, for Christmas 2027 or Christmas 2028? If not, you'd better "get with it", before everybody else starts doing it - just saying !!!! 

And with "thriftiness" the order of the day, even market leading tabloid Onion News has today debuted its new Friday cut-out-and-throw-away "Penny-Wise Pound-Foolish Colour Supplement", which comes free with every issue, so just the "ticket" for the paper's more budget-conscious readers - no pun intended!!!  

And to save you time, here's "Colin's Pick of the Dooziest", as per usual !!!!

 

Awwww!!!! 

Perhaps a bit "OTT", isn't it (!), but these stories - and others in a similar vein - bring a glimpse of a brief smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois today, here in semi-lovely Liphook, Hampshire as we take our near-daily walk over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes Liphook United, to put it mildly!

my wife Lois and me, pictured today on our near-daily walk

over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes, Liphook United

We're spending much of today studying disaffected Roman aristocrat, Catiline, who tried to overthrow the Roman Republic in a failed "coup", back in 63BC, as part of our homework for Monday's meeting of the local U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" class, of which we're both members, "for our sins" (!!!)

us today studying Roman historian Sallust's account of a failed coup in 63BC,

when disgruntled aristocrat Catiline tried, and failed, to overthrow the Roman Republic

It turns out that Roman aristocrat Catiline, in his attempts to stage a "coup", relied heavily on the backing of a large number of Roman "brigands", who'd amassed large quantities of loot, but had then wasted it on a lot of unwise purchases, perhaps "splurging" it on overpriced "luxury items", without waiting for the January sales, maybe? Flashy "sports chariots" perhaps [Latin: curri athletici] ? 

Or plastic surgery even? After all, down the centuries, brigands have been notorious for their generally unprepossessing features (!).

Many local brigands might have suffered from the so-called "Roman Nose", and perhaps would have wanted to go for something more aesthetically pleasing and attractive, although perhaps, at the same time, "paying through the nose for it" - no pun intended!!!! at the premises of some recommended plastic surgeon [Latin: chirurgus plasticus] maybe ?

(left) a typical Roman nose (Latin: nasus Romanus) and (right) a typical plastic surgeon, 

seen here at work on somebody from his lucrative "ugly brigand" customer-base

I wonder.....!!!!

We're not given the details, but one thing's for sure: "brigands" have historically been notoriously poor at managing money, and it isn't clear what part the brigands' wives played in this debacle. In those crazy pre-feminist days, were they seduced by some expensive jewellery items or perfumes? Or overpriced fur coats maybe? I think we should be told, don't you?

One thing's for sure - brigands would maybe have benefited from the services of a  good financial advisor, one specialising in brigands, perhaps? But what do YOU think? Answers on a postcard!!!

Here's the relevant passage in Roman historian Sallust's account of Catiline's failed "coup" attempt:

And here's my English translation, which might be helpful, if you're not fully fluent in Intermediate Latin, that is (!).

[Catiline's supporters included] brigands of every kind, of which there were a great number in that region.... whose self-indulgence and overspending meant that they had nothing left of the great amount of loot [that they had acquired from their professional brigandry work].

But what a crazy world they lived in, back in those far-off days!!!

[That's enough whimsy! - Ed]

For Lois and me, however, our Latin homework today, is a bit of a distraction from our main obsession, which is to track the progress of our 16-year-old grandson Isaac, who's just come to the end of a 10-day study trip to China, in company with a bunch of fellow Mandarin-Chinese students from his high school here in Liphook. 

The young scamps!!!! 

In these pictures, Isaac in the one in the sun-glasses in the first photo:

flashback to last week: pictures from our 16-year-old grandson's study trip

to South China, with a group of fellow-students from our local high-school 

here in Liphook, all studying Mandarin Chinese for one of their A-Levels

All things must come to an end, however, and Isaac's group of young "scallies" are heading home today, on a South China Airlines flight from some crazy place called "Guangzou", which Lois and I had never heard of (!), due to land at London's Heathrow Airport in the early evening, in time for Isaac to sit down with his mum and dad - our daughter Alison and husband Edward - and watch tonight's TV "Celebrity Traitors" final, or some-such nonsense!!!

Isaac's mum, our daughter Alison, had texted me early today - at 6:13 am, would you believe (!) - to tell us that his plane had taken off. And by 11:14 am the plane had cleared Mongolia and was over Russia, somewhere between so-called "Tomsk" and "Novosibirsk". And by the end of the afternoon, when Lois and I were just staggering out of bed at the end of "statutory nap-time", the plane was crossing the Danish-German border region, which is totally mad!!!

And by 6:30 pm, when we were eating our "tea" - a collection of leftovers, or, in other words, "a bits-and-pieces meal", as we've dubbed it (!), Isaac had arrived, and was getting on the school bus taking him back to Liphook, where his mum and dad would have been picking him up and taking him home to nearby Headley.

Lois and me tonight, enjoying a "bits-and-pieces" tea, as the plane carrying

our grandson Isaac and his group home from China, lands at London's Heathrow Airport

Lois and I have provisionally invited Isaac, together with his mum and dad Alison and Edward, to have tea with us here on Sunday evening, so that we can hear more about the young scamp's Oriental Adventures, although fully aware that he may be feeling a bit jaded after his experiences and the long flight, and also preparing for school on Monday, maybe? 

I remember how I myself felt back in 1971, totally exhausted, after my 14 hour flight, with a stop at Moscow, at the end of my study trip - a year at a university in Tokyo, to be met, thankfully (!), by Lois and my then 13-year-old "baby sister", Jill; also by my dear late Dad, who drove us all home to Oxford. 

And I think you can see the exhaustion, together with the relief, on my face, to put it mildly!!!!

(left) 1971: the photo I took from the plane near the end of my Tokyo to London flight, with first

sighting of the River Thames at London, and (right) me, exhausted, but very happy

to be greeted by Lois, with my 'baby sister' Jill, and my dad, who whisked us all home to Oxford

Happy days!!!!

21:00 And later, an Instagram post reveals, that, yet again (!), Lois and I have missed out on the Grandparents' Day bingo at the Anglican school in the northern suburbs of Perth, Australia, where two of our  other grandchildren attend: our other daughter Sarah's 13-year-old twin daughters Lily and Jessica.

the annual Grandparents Day Bingo at the Anglican school in Perth, Australia,

where 2 of our other grandchildren, our daughter Sarah's 13-year-old

twins Lily and Jessica, are in their first year of secondary education

Ideally, I should really have sent our "regrets" to the school's principal, Mr Pree, who took a turn at being this year's bingo-caller at the event (see picture above!), but I think Adrian knows all too well how much Lois and I are so "snowed under" with our busy to-do-lists at the moment, what with all our Latin homework, and all that type of "malarkey" (!), so hopefully he'll forgive us. 

talking to our daughter Sarah and her 13-year-old twins

Lily and Jessica in Perth, Australia - a recent picture

Next year perhaps!!!

But "Kudos, Mr. S!", and "Eyes Down for a Full House!" [Latin: oculos deicite, pro tabula plena!]. haha !!!!

[That's enough grandchildren news! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!

Thursday October 29th 2026 "Friends, do YOU always pick out a 'favourite nurse' whenever YOU spend time in hospital?"

Yes, Friends, when YOU  have to spend time in hospital, do YOU always have a 'special favourite' amongst the phalanxes of nurses who tend you? Most of us do, don't we!

And with winter drawing on, and more and more people are visiting hospitals, Onion News have today debuted their special weekly "Nurse News Supplement", which comes free as a "pull-out-and-throw-away 'add-on'" to their regular Thursday print edition, which is nice!

And today's has some real "doozies" - here's "Colin's pick of today's 'dooziest' " !!!!!

It's all a bit "over-the-top", isn't it! Nevertheless, these headlines (and others in the same vein!) bring a spooky smile to the mouths of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-rural Liphook, Hampshire - and that's a "given" !!!!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

Today, "nurses" are very much on our minds, because today is the fortnightly online meeting of the local U3A "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" group, which we lead, "for our sins" (!),,

And in the Danish crime novel that our little group is reading, "Judaskysset" ('The Judas Kiss') by Danish crime writer Anna Grue, our hero amateur detective Dan Sommerdahl is having to spend some time in a Danish hospital, after cornering a Danish "romance scammer" and getting "roughed up" by him - for his pains!  

The young scamp!!!!

Remind us never to check into a Danish hospital, next time Lois and I get 'roughed up' in Copenhagen (!). The nurses there are really no-nonsense types, to put it mildly! 

As you see in the extract above, if you speak Intermediate Danish, poor Dan is dying for a "pee", and needs help getting to the toilet. However, the nurse is busy just at that moment and tells him to wait till tomorrow [Danish: vent lige til i morgen]. What madness, isn't it !!!!!

a typical toilet in an average hospital

That kind of strict toilet regime wouldn't do for Lois and me, to put it mildly!  As fully paid-up "old codgers" ourselves, we have to visit the loo several times, day and night, which is annoying!

And it's also a bit worrying when we suddenly remember that next month we have to spend the night in our daughter Alison's house in nearby Headley, a crumbling Victorian mansion built for one of Queen Victoria's vice-admirals. The mansion is currently being renovated by builders, and you have to walk, like, a billion miles - more probably! - to get to the only one of the house's 5 bathrooms that's available to use, which is mad!

(left_ "Sorry you can't go inside yet, mate!" - builders denying entry to the house's owners,

our daughter Alison and family, for 18 months, on grounds of "health and safety" 

which is crazy (!), and (right) the rude shepherd's hut in the mansion's lovely 

7.5 acre grounds, where the family has been "skulking" in recent weeks. What madness!!!!

However, fortunately perhaps (!), Lois and I simply haven't got time to worry about our future 'night toiletting arrangements' today, to put it mildly! We're far too busy again - no surprise there! Lois has a morning appointment with young Anna, her stylist, and somehow we've got to find time to drop by her urine sample (Lois's, not Anna's !!!) at our local NHS doctor's surgery, which is mad!

our crazy morning - (above) Lois's appointment with Anna, her stylist, and (below)

somehow finding time to drop Lois's urine sample off at our local NHS doctor's surgery,

and having to wait in the queue behind another 'old codger' - busy busy busy!!!

Fortunately, there's an "island of calm" in the "stormy seas" of our frantic morning (!), when we take the time to walk over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes, Liphook United, currently languishing somewhere just above the "relegation zone" of the prestigious East Hampshire Premier League table - and check out which shirts "the lads" will be wearing next Saturday for their needle match against rivals US Portsmouth.

Yes, after their promising start to the season, back in September, when they briefly hit the heights of the table's "Top 7", they've been drifting inexorably down to towards the table's more familiar "relegation zone", which Lois and I, although no experts (!), think personally that "the Liphook lads" or "The Boys In Blue" - whatever you want to call them - feel genuinely more comfortable!

Certainly, their recent results speak for themselves! And today I can exclusively reveal that "all is not lost" as regards the 2026-2027 season. After a 4-0 drubbing last month by AFC Shirley, "the lads" managed to lose by a much smaller margin, at home to Southsea Sports, which augurs well for the future, to put it mildly!!!

Go "The Lads" !!!!!!

17:00 And after a much curtailed post-lunch session in bed for "statutory nap-time", followed by 90 minutes trying to control another rowdy online meeting of the local U3A "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers", Lois and I even find time to prepare for Monday's meeting of local man Joe's U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, of which both Lois and I are members, again "for our (multiple) sins" (!!!) [Latin: pro peccatis nostris!!!].

us this tea-time, exhausted from controlling another rowdy online meeting of the 

local U3A "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" group, which we lead,

and somehow managing to squeeze in an hour's preparation for Monday's

in-person meeting of local man Joe's "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group

- what madness, isn't it !!!!!

It's actually quite tricky, juggling two languages  - Danish and Latin - and not getting them mixed up, and thereby embarrassing ourselves! 

Lois and I first became semi-fluent in Intermediate Danish some years ago, when our daughter Alison was spending the years 2012-2018 in Copenhagen, with husband Edward, and their 3 offspring Josie, Rosalind and Isaac, and we visited the family there on several occasions, and for instance, actually "baby-sat" for the family, on one weekend, when Ali and Edward were away in Hong Kong.

flashback to 2017: Lois and I 'babysit' our 3 grandchildren in Copenhagen,

while their parents - our daughter Alison and husband Edward - were in Hong Kong:

(left) us in the family home and (right) taking them to the local International School

And "little" Rosalind (standing in the first picture) is now 18, would you believe (!), and has, last month, started a degree course at UCL London, in international relations, but with a "minor" in Danish. She'll get a study year in Denmark 2027-28, and Lois and I are hoping to be able to visit her there during that time. 

We'll have to remember to speak Danish, and not get confused and come out with Latin, because this might puzzle some of the Danes we meet, who, after all, might not be expecting that! After all, Denmark was, famously, and unlike Britain, never conquered by the Romans, so there's not even an ancestral "folk memory" of Latin there, we're guessing! 

The Roman Empire in 117 AD, at its greatest extent,

with (ringed) Denmark (ringed), famously "left out in the cold", 

not just metaphorically but also physically (!)  - poor Denmark!!!!

The two languages are, in fact, very different, to put it mildly! And if you want proof, just compare these two versions of a key phrase in any tourist's phrase book: "I've lost all my money, please direct me to the British Embassy!", and see if YOU can work out which is the Latin equivalent, and which is the Danish. Go on, try it - it's a lot of fun haha!!! 

Version 1: Omnem pecuniam meam amisi. Quaeso, indica mihi viam ad Legationem Britannicam.

Version 2: Jeg har mistet alle mine penge. Kan du vise mig vej til den britiske ambassade?

Bit of a "head-scratcher", isn't it haha !!!!  Help is at hand, however, because the correct answer will be in my "Colin's blog" tomorrow, by the way - so watch this space!!!!!

Yours Truly, already working on my blog for tomorrow, would you believe,

with some predictive AI-generated "pseudo-events", already "in the works" (!)

However, for Lois and me, the big question is..... will being "multi-lingual" - i.e. semi-fluent in at least 3 languages, including our mother tongue, "Intermediate English", make us more sexually attractive? Will we "turn heads" when surrounded by a peer group of other "old codgers", say?

Probably not, to hear comedian Jack Benny's rebuke of German sexpot Elke Sommer, who told him she thought the fact that she spoke 4 languages was much more important than her physical appearance.

I wonder.....!

[That's enough whimsy! - Ed]

20:00 What a crazy day Lois and I have had, all in all !!!

Well, Denmark may have had a cold past, "frozen out" by the Romans, and not allowed to join their precious "Empire" (!).

But BIG QUESTION COMING UP!!! Is the world, as a whole, facing an icy future, with the spread of the dreaded AI (Artificial Intelligence), and its terrible cousin - superintelligence machines - into every corner of our lives?

Luckily, tonight, we can find out the truth,  in the capable hands of the BBC's "go-to" mathematician and "science pundit", Hannah Fry, no less!!!!

Luckily, Fry doesn't believe predictions that Superintelligence Machines will seek to wipe out humanity, leaving the world to themselves. She says that, by making these predictions, we're simply importing 'human characteristics onto AI that has no conception of such motives.

"I think, when you hear concerns like 'AI is going to take over world, is going to destroy humanity', it's really easy to impart human-like characteristics to artificial intelligence."

The real challenge for science, she says, is the struggle to understand our own, incredibly complex, human minds - an endeavour in which we've hardly even begun. "What's really clear", she says, "from talking to the AI developers, is that, when it comes to actual biological brains, they are on a completely different level of computation, of complexity, of structure, everything."

Even analysing a worm's brain, or even a mouse's brain, is still difficult, and seems almost impossible, Hannah reminds us! We can still only map a fraction of even a mouse's brain.

Fascinating stuff, though, isn't it!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!