Monday August 24th 2026 "Are YOU celebrating some sort of anniversary this week? MOST people are, would you believe !!!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU celebrating some sort of anniversary this week? Most people are, I think, you'll find, especially if you subscribe to the East Hampshire Edition of Onion News (print edition), at least!!!

And it's a bit of a nightmare trying to keep up with all those anniversaries, don't you find, not to mention the difficulty in putting your hand on just the right 'happy anniversary card or cards', even, to send whoever, it may concern, especially if that's the whole country, as in the case of the Edison "malarkey" !!!!

At least Onion News has done what readers in East Hampshire have been calling for since I don't know when, and they've at last revived their popular "Your Anniversaries Tonight" feature - and not before time !!! Check out today's front pages!!!!!

And all this "hoo-ha" certainly brings a blush to the cheeks of me and my wife Lois, here in leafy Liphook, recently dubbed the "cultural hotspot" of East Hampshire - a label that the town's accepting with pride, if we're to believe our neighbours' somewhat breathless sighs of satisfaction !!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

Let me put my cards on the table at this point! [I wish you wouldn't keep doing that, Colin! - Ed]

When it comes to anniversary shenanigans this week, Lois and I are no exceptions to the general rule, because tomorrow it's our 54th wedding thingummy (!), and I find myself this afternoon busily working away on my personal anniversary card to Lois. We're celebrating tomorrow with lunch at Adriano's Italian restaurant in nearby Beacon Hill, so I'm theming my card by recalling our lovely holiday in Pisa, Italy back in 1998, when our daughter Alison was studying at the university there.

flashback to 1998: Lois with our daughter Alison on a balcony

in Pisa, where Alison was doing her study year there

A very romantic holiday, Lois and I had decided to stay at what turned out to be a dodgy hotel just under the Leaning Tower, the kind where suspicious couples sign in in the name of whatever the Italian equivalent of "Mr and Mrs Smith" is, and which the police visit at regular intervals - not very restful, but not boring either, if I can put the best "spin" on it!

I've managed to fish out a few of our 'holiday pics' to stick on my home-made anniversary card, but remember this is all top secret information until 7:30am tomorrow (Tuesday) when I bring Lois her card at the same time as her usual "cup of tea in bed" - after that, it'll all be "in the public domain", so talk about all you like, and at length even, if you so desire haha!!!

Lois and I were just 52 then, in 1998, a lovely age to be, with our daughter Alison on her way to getting a degree from Cardiff University, and already having met there her future husband, Edward, while our other daughter Sarah was approaching her A-Levels and already thinking about which university she wanted to aim for. 

Happy days!!!!

Lois and I don't normally exchange presents for our wedding anniversary - the "present" is normally just the lunch out followed by sleeping it off in bed in the afternoon, which seems to work for us! But recently we've been binge-watching the Canadian sitcom "Schitt's Creek", and learning all the catch phrases like Alexis's "Ew David!", spoken excruciatingly often to her brother David. 

And we also like doing the gestures like the one we call Alexis's "rabbit hands" (!). 

I tried to order the "Ew David" t-shirt that's been advertised to me on my Facebook feed ever since we started watching the show, but I keep being told that "it's not available in your country" - what madness!! So why do you keep advertising it to me, then? Wake up!!!! Is it all part of some international 'tariff war' of the sort that's popular nowadays? I think I should be told, and quickly haha!

(top left) the "Ew David" t-shirt that I tried to get Lois for our anniversary,

only to be told that it's "not available in your country"; (top right) Alexis doing her

"rabbit hands", and below Alexis saying the famous phrase to a petulant David

I'm putting my disappointment aside, however, and looking forward to our anniversary tomorrow. 

Just think, 54 years - it's quite a time, although it doesn't feel like it, which is good, to put it mildly! 

Have we changed in that time? I don't think we have, not really much! My reference is, as always, the verse that singer-songwriter Paul Simon inserted later into the original lyrics of his song "The Boxer";

flashback to 1970: the earliest known photo of us together,

in a rented cottage in Shropshire

(left) flashback to 1972: cutting our wedding cake, and (right)

Paul Simon's amended lyrics for "The Boxer"

10:00 Nevertheless we are now both 80 years of age, and when we take our daily walk this morning, Lois is slightly anxious about her dress, which has shrunk a bit in the wash, and she says she's worried that it isn't "appropriate" for an octogenarian to be wearing what's become a bit of a "mini-dress".  

However, she clearly doesn't look her age, so we decide in the end that it'll be okay, and certainly there is a clear absence of outrage from the handful of dog-walkers and tennis-players that we encounter, so that's all good!!!!

Lois, showing 'a bit more leg than usual' on our walk over Liphook United's "hallowed turf"

this morning - but nobody would guess she was 80, surely. Be fair!!!

At last the Liphook United club secretary has "pulled his finger out" and, on the run-down clubhouse window, has at last  posted details of the squad chosen for the lads' upcoming East Hampshire Premier League "grudge match" against local rivals Hook (without the "lip" !!!). Nice to see, also, that former "club legend" Steve Harding will be team's exciting "no 9 shirt" come Saturday. So watch this space!!

A promising start to the season, with Liphook United currently "languishing" in the coveted no.7 spot, under the management of club legends Steve Harding (above, right) and Ash Sharp [not shown]

Yes, Lois is clearly showing a bit more 'leg' than usual today, and even household pests are taking advantage, and I'm not talking about Yours Truly here, in this case, if you're wondering! 

Because, in other news, the dozy fly that's been driving Lois and me mad with its crazy antics around our house, has been taking advantage of Lois's hemline, and studiously avoiding the "honey trap" I laid for it a couple of days ago, which is a pity!

(left) flashback to a couple of days ago, when I first designed my 'honey trap' -

a former margarine tub filled with water, honey and washing-up liquid,

and (right) the fly showing its disdain, and flaunting itself on one of Lois's 2 knees

Is it my clearly-marked "Fly Trap" sign that's proved the trap's undoing - a fundamental "design fault" maybe? I think I should be told (postcards only!!!!) !!!!

I wonder....!

But what madness, isn't it !!!!

20:00 And there's more madness tonight, when Lois and I finally (!) get a bit of peace and quiet and can at last settle down on the couch and watch our favourite TV quiz, "Only Connect", which tests lateral thinking.

Can YOU work out the link between these 4 seemingly unrelated "things" ?

I think you've got this one, haven't you!

Yes it's all about a survey about attitudes to swearing, with 91% thinking it's "okay" to swear when you're home alone; for 87% it's "okay" to swear in response to pain, but only 4% thinking that it's acceptable either in church or in front of children, which is fair enough!

As a postscript, however, programme presenter Victoria Coren-Mitchell adds another statistic, this time about swearing on TV, which is illuminating.

Wow! And that's little snippet that Victoria gives away tonight will certainly add fuel to the rumours that the "unedited" version of the show, which the BBC for some reason refuses to show us, is as long as an hour (i.e. twice the broadcast length!) or even two hours, some believe!

Bu what a crazy world we live in !!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!!

Sunday August 23rd 2026 "Friends, is there an awkward 'age gap' between you and YOUR current 'squeeze'?"

Yes, Friends, is there an awkward 'age gap' between you and YOUR current 'squeeze'? It seems to be fashionable at the moment, to judge from these 'showbiz' pics in today's Onion News, to put it mildly!

However, all of the above celebrity 'age gaps' have started tongues wagging in their time, and it's even leading to questions, now, about 'inappropriate' pairings in the Western canon of literature and the cinema, would you believe! And none more so than in the coupling of the then 23-year-old actress Laura Dern with her screen 'squeeze' T Rex in the original Jurassic Park (1993), which is now being re-examined, or should I say "rex-amined" (!) [No! - Ed] by so-called woke critics, would you believe!

Yes, 'woke' critics are now even questioning whether the actress-dinosaur relationship portrayed in the film was was entirely appropriate, and may have been the trigger for a lot of the current 'uptick' in 'age gap' particularly in Hollywood.

The Onion News film critic takes the view that there were clear 'power dynamics' in play in the couple's relationship, since the T Rex was a deadly apex predator, and clearly outweighed Dern by more than 15,000 lbs (around 7000kg). And the question was posed, "Why is it always the giant reptilian beast and never the human woman who is tens of millions of years older?" 

Racquel Welch (26) with leading monster T Rex (top right), exact age unknown,

as featured  in blockbuster movie "One Million Years BC" (1966)

I wonder....!

And the Onion News film critic's penetrating question certainly brings a thoughtful smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois here today, in leafy Liphook, Hampshire - no question about that!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

Our own much smaller age gap - of two and a half months - has troubled us at times during our long relationship: however, now both 80, would you believe (!), we'll be celebrating our 54th wedding anniversary in 2 days' time, which offers tentative proof at least that we've ridden the 'stormy seas' of our age gap with not unconsiderable success, to put it mildly - touch wood!!!!!

It's an age gap of a different kind that we're dealing with today, however, when our 19-year-old granddaughter Josie, a first-year maths student at Durham, drives over from her home just over the county line in Churt, Surrey to spend a couple of hours chatting with her "old-codger" octogenarian grandparents (!), Lois and me, here at our home in Liphook.

(left) our 19-year-old granddaughter Josie, demolishing a takeaway

in our living-room this afternoon, and (right) Josie (second left) with

beau Will, and some of their student friends from Durham University

It's a situation that's new to us - chatting non-stop for two whole hours with somebody who's literally only a quarter of our age (!). Of course we often see Josie around, but normally in the company of her parents and/or her two siblings Rosalind (18) and Isaac (16)., with all the casual, cheery 'banter' that normally characterises such encounters. So it's great today to get this unexpected chance to really talk to Josie one-to-one, or should I say "two-to-one" (!) [No! - Ed], about her life, her interests, tastes in music, and her hopes for the future etc.

And we try not to preface too many of our questions with and "Things were so different when we were at  college! You wouldn't believe how much blah blah blah!", and I hope we succeeded, without 'ploughing that furrow' too determinedly! At least Josie didn't run screaming from our house after the first 10 minutes, so we're quietly confident that we didn't bore her too much, at least! 

flashback to 1972: (left) me (centre) collecting my richly-deserved MA degree,

and (right) Lois posing in my cap and gown with borrowed glasses - the saucy wench!!!

flashback to the 1960's: Lois (front, right) crossing the English Channel

on a study trip to Paris with fellow-students 

Josie's currently preparing to start her second year at Durham, in great excitement, because she'll be living out of college, starting from this academic year, fending for herself with 3 other girls in an actual house, while beau Will will be in another house with 3 other boys. And they've all got their whole lives in front of them - can you imagine how that must feel?!

Lois and I didn't know that one idea Josie has for her future career is as an actuary, and when we're talking to her, we pretend to know what that's all about, and we have got a rough idea (!), but we google it later, after she's gone home, just to be sure! Certainly her family members - dad Edward, and his siblings, and their close friends, have all trodden the "profession" route: lawyers (like dad Edward), surveyors, doctors, you know the kind of thing!

Of course! We remember now, haha!!!!

Josie's visit this afternoon has come as a pleasant surprise, and a chance for Lois and me to unwind, if briefly (!). Because this Sunday, as always, has been packed also with - like - a billion other absorbing activities (more probably!!!), and it begs the question, "How did we ever find the time to go to work, back in the day!!!!" 

Dubbed by neighbours as "possibly Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple" (!), earlier today we zipped over to nearby Petersfield for Lois's church's Sunday Morning Meeting, where we get the chance, after the meeting, for a quick word with Chief Elder Richard's wise-cracking brother-in-law and professional-Yorkshireman (only kidding, Philip, if you're reading this!!!) the always amusing Philip, and then, later, another word with our friend, noted archaeologist Grahame, friend of TV's Alice Roberts and TV's Raksha Dave of Time Team and, like, a billion other documentary series (!).

(left) the village hall near Petersfield, Hampshire, where Lois's church holds

its Sunday Morning Meeting, and (right) us in the back row, with, in the

background, noted archaeologist Grahame, friend of TV's Alice Roberts

There isn't too much time today for chat, however, before we find ourselves zipping home for a hurried lunch and our weekly Sunday catch-up video call with our daughter Sarah in Perth, Australia, and with her 13-year-old twins Lily and Jessica, who are currently preparing, excitedly, for their school's annual camping trip in 10 days' time, when they'll be doing "kayaking, rock-climbing and team-building etc etc" up the Swan River.

What madness -  the little scamps !!!!

us today on our weekly Sunday "catch-up" video call with our daughter Sarah (49)

and her 13-year-old twins Lily and Jessica: dad Francis is out doing something dad-like (!)

Busy busy busy!!!!!

21:00 And before finally collapsing gratefully into bed tonight, we somehow even find the time to see the first half of a 2-hour documentary on the free-to-view Sky Arts channel, all about French film star Brigitte Bardot, who died at the end of last year at the grand old age of 91, so a really good 'innings', to put it mildly (!).

The programme opens, tellingly, in the middle of this interview with straight-laced BBC presenter Geoffrey Johnson-Smith, back in 1956:

Johnson-Smith, however, isn't willing to take this answer at face-value, and he presses her further, beginnig to dig deeper into Miss Bardot and her attitudes, which turns out to be revealing!

Is this satisfying to Bardot personally, however? And at this point, Johnson-Smith presses her even further, which is even more revealing!

Kudos, "BB" !!! That must have given old Geoffrey Johnson-Smith something to "put in his pipe and smoke it", and "in spades" !!!!

And there are plenty of other surprises in store for Lois and me during the first part of the documentary that we have time to view before dashing "bedwards" (!) at 10 pm: firstly how unlike the later "blonde bombshell" Bardot was in her childhood, with her glasses and dark-to- mousy-looking hair and an awkward, ungainly way of stumbling about, as filmed by her movie-camera crazy dad Louis, very much the "ugly duckling", compared to her cleverer, and prettier sister.

BB - "My childhood was quite unlike my life now"

We also learn how Brigitte's troubled relationship with mum Anne-Marie fuelled the feisty attitude she showed throughout her movie career, refusing to wear high heels, for instance, preferring the casual  look with flat shoes and comfortable clothes, resenting the fact that women in the movie industry were required to make sacrifices not asked of male stars. The Pope called her a "Satanist", but she was so popular with audiences that she boasted that she never had to sleep with anybody just to get a good part. And we see also her preference for "trading in" her personal  current "squeezes" for newer models, every few years etc etc! 

But more later on this, when we've had the chance to see the second half, so watch this space!

[I can't wait! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go "bedwards"! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!

Saturday August 22nd 2026 "Friends, are YOU postponing something that could make you famous?"

Yes, Friends, are YOU currently "putting off" something that potentially could put you in the history books?

We've all done it, haven't we, and there's almost a national epidemic of "postponements" and cries of "Next week, maybe!", if we're to believe today's edition of Onion News - turn to page 94, if you want "chapter and verse", as they say !!!!

And the stories bring a bit of a one-sided smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in leafy Liphook, Hampshire, to put it mildly!!!!

me and my wife Lois - recent pictures

And if your answer to my question is a cheery, "Yes, Colin, I AM currently postponing something that could put me in the history books!", my advice is to start on it pretty soon, because it can't be done in 5 minutes, to put it mildly! And if you're a bit tied up at the moment, PLEASE PLEASE promise me you'll do it as soon as the summer holiday is over and the kids all go back to school - don't put it off any longer than that!!!!

Lois and I are laughing, because we've been reminded today of one of the great "postponers" of history. Step forward Trojan hero, Aeneas, who, after the Trojan War ended badly for his people, set off into the Mediterranean with some of his Trojan buddies, with a mission to found a great new city (Rome) and the world's soon-to-be-greatest empire (the Roman Empire).

Trojan hero Aeneas, leaving the ruins of his defeated city,

on a mission to found the city of Rome and a great empire

However, Aeneas was one of history's "great postponers", because, en route to founding the city of Rome, Aeneas somehow found time, along the way, to spend a "wasted" year in Carthage on the North African coast, more or less just going to bed every night with Dido, the beautiful Queen of Carthage, would you believe! 

What madness, wasn't it !!!!

Aeneas's tortuous route from the defeated city of Troy, on a mission

to found the city of Rome, but with a protracted delay in Carthage along the way

to pursue one of Aeneas's subsidiary interests - what madness !!!!!

And Aeneas and Dido's notorious, year-long, affair was all later written up by Roman author Virgil, in his classic "Aeneid Book II", a copy of which, quite coincidentally, "plops" through mine and Lois's letter-box today, which is a nice surprise!

(left) Yours Truly today, showcasing my shiny-new copy of Virgil's Aeneid Book II,

and (right) Trojan hero Aeneas getting up-close-and-personal with Dido, 

Queen of Carthage, who he decided was a better deal than founding a great city!!!!

The arrival of this book in our post today, however, is in some ways, a bit of a blow to Lois and me, because we'd forgotten that, one of our current study-courses - Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers - is due to re-start in a couple of weeks time, adding yet another heavy demand to our time, to put it mildly!

flashback to last winter: our teacher Joe taking one of our classes in his

critically-acclaimed "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" course, 

for the benefit of his mainly female students, informally dubbed "Joe's harem" (!)

I've been told that Lois and I have been dubbed by neighbours as "possibly Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple", which is mad! But certainly today just underlines our local "moniker", as we perform another of our punishing 4000-step walks this morning. Still officially "recuperating" from our enforced idleness during the heat waves, we today once more revisit the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes Liphook United, and watch a scratch team of juniors playing a warm-up game in front of a small but enthusiastic "crowd" of casual observers (!).

Yes, with the season just beginning, Liphook is slowly but surely, becoming "soccer crazy" once more, no doubt about that!!!

Lois and me on one of our challenging 4000-step walks over the "hallowed turf"

of local soccer heroes Liphook United, where we stop to watch a junior

warm-up game played out in front of a small but enthusiastic crowd (!)

Even our customary afternoon-in-bed is slightly curtailed - we have to manage with only 3 hours of it today, would you believe (!) - but for a nice reason! Our dear 51-year-old daughter Alison is dropping by at 5:30pm to give us back the red curtains Lois and I bought for our house in America back in the early 1980s, and which we loaned Alison some time ago, for some reason which I can't remember! 

She and husband Edward have been clearing out the garage of their temporary rental home in nearby Churt, in preparation for moving back next month into their real home - a crumbling Victorian mansion built by one of Queen Victoria's admirals, a mansion which, for the last 18 months or so has been in the hands of builders carrying out a large-scale refurbishment job.

the crumbling Victorian mansion owned by our daughter Alison and husband Edward,

which, for 18 months, has been in the hands of builders doing a massive refurbishment

From the recent pictures of the property (see above), it's hard to believe that the building will actually be ready for Alison and Edward and their 3 teenage kids to move back into by mid-September, but the builders say it'll be "mostly done" (?). Luckily, just in case, Ali and Edward have installed a "shepherd's hut" in their extensive grounds that they can sleep temporarily, in case of any last-minute "hiccups". 

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!

(left) Alison dropping in to see us today, and (right) the temporary

"shepherd's hut", where the family will sleep if their mansion isn't quite ready (!)

But let's hope, with all the "postponement fever" going around at the moment, that Alison's builders nevertheless aren't tempted to put back the completion date again. And let's hope that the family will be able to move back into their mansion on schedule in mid-September. Fingers crossed!

However, what of Harry and Meghan moving back to the UK soon, apparently so that Meghan can play a prestigious role in some mysterious TV series that hasn't been named (!). 

Lois and I thought that the Sussexes had just been messing around in the US, having a good time, like Dido and Aeneas, but we were wrong.

We weren't aware, that, according to a text today from Steve, our American brother-in-law, not only that money may be the main factor, but also that Harry and Meghan have actually been "crusaders" all this time, promoting good causes during their time in the States - what madness, isn't it!

Who knew!!!!!

[I expect a lot of people knew, Colin! - Ed]

They'll actually be home before Alison and Edward are, which is totally mad!

Well, Lois and I can't postpone any longer our trip, back up the stairs to Dreamland, so will this do?

[Oh just do it! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!!!