Wednesday November 11th 2026 "Our legs, eh! Like 'em or not, at least they're keeping us 'grounded' - no pun intended!!!"

Yes, Friends, our legs - they're wonderful things, although some people's legs are better than other people's legs, that's for sure!

But how nice to see Onion News "plopping" through our letterbox this morning, with its new "Leg News Colour Supplement", which will be free from now on, and published every Wednesday - see page 94 !!!!

And unlike some of their other recent ventures in supplements, all of which have 'died the death' after just one edition, which is sad (!),  I think this particular Colour Supplement really "has legs" - in more ways than one (no pun intended!!!), and if you don't believe me, just feast your eyes on these "doozies", which I've taken straight from the supplement's inaugural issue, would you believe, which is mad!!!!

It's almost a bit 'too much leg', isn't it, if that's possible!!! But these stories - and others, bring a cheeky smile to the lips of me and my wife Lois today, here in semi-rural Liphook, Hampshire - no question about that!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

However, you know what Lois and I are like! As do our neighbours, I'm afraid to say!!!!

"Give them an inch and they'll take a mile", as our country-bumpkin neighbours here in Liphook say about us, which is mad!

But there may be some truth in that particular local "old chestnut", because Lois and I are already thinking of writing to the people at Onion News to ask for a special "Foot News Supplement" to the "Leg News Supplement", which is a bit cheeky perhaps - what do you think? Why not tell us - postcards only, as always!!!!

Having said that, however, we're always a couple quick to "root for the underdog", and we feel that feet are very much the underdog of the leg world, and indeed, that the humble toe is very much the underdog of the foot world.

So why not a special "Toe News" supplement to the "Foot News Supplement"? 

I wonder....!

Again, your views welcome, if "your views" reach down as far as your toes, that is, which is always 'a bit of a stretch' perhaps !!!! And remember, this delightful 'pictorial' postcard (see below) is still available from all branches of WH Smiths that haven't been taken over by Modella Capital, owners of The Original Factory Shop, or branches that haven't been "rebranded" as a TG Jones - just saying!!!

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!

(left) a typical "un-rebranded" WH Smith's and (right) a vintage

"Liphook Agrees With Me" postcard - what madness!!!!

[Get on with it! - Ed]

10:00 And certainly, when it comes to toes, as Lois and I say, nothing says you're old like having to pay somebody to cut your toe nails for you (!), and today is our bi-monthly encounter with our "toes-woman", a.k.a. a lovely local woman Julie from Age Concern, who, as she trims our "talons" (!) and creams our feet, simultaneously "talks the hind leg of a donkey" - another item for the "Leg News" Supplement perhaps (!)

And after that, Lois and I have a lunch date at Liphook's flagship coffee-shop "The Moon And Cous", with our daughter Alison and her daughter Rosalind (18), who's just started a degree course in Politics International Relations at UCL London, with a minor in Danish, and a study year in Denmark to look forward to - so what's not to like! 

UCL London, with [inset] our 18-year-old granddaughter

Rosalind, who's just started a degree course there 

in Politics and International Relations (plus Danish!) Go Rosalind!!!

Rosalind has a massive reading list associated with her course, and this week, she's seizing the opportunity to take a break from the crazy London world to really concentrate on her reading work, for the College's official "reading week", but to do it here in the semi-calm of the Hampshire countryside - the young scamp!!!

For Lois another busy morning: (above) having our "talons" trimmed by local woman 

Julie from Age Concern Hampshire, and (below) a delightful lunch date with 

our daughter Alison and her daughter Rosalind, who's home for a so-called

"reading week", supposedly (!)  - the young scamp !!!!!

But for Lois and me the bottom line is "busy busy busy!!!" yet again, which is mad! No wonder our neighbours have dubbed us "possibly Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple" - the type of "moniker" that speaks for itself, we feel !!!!

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

18:30 Evening falls, and at last Lois and I have a chance to "put our feet up" on the couch, and admire the trim of each other's toenails, thanks to our "toes woman" Julie, who has a special deal for couples, which is nice!

And Julie complemented Lois again this morning, saying that she's "got such lovely skin on her feet", and I always wait to see is Julie says the same to me, when she "does me", but so far nothing, which I feel is a bit unfair.

Tomorrow I'll include a photo of my toes here in this blog, so you can judge for yourselves!!!

[Please don't, Colin ! - Ed]

20:00 We get ready for bed by listening to a recent BBC Radio 4 edition of "Heresies", the series that challenges modern myths, presented, as always, by Victoria Coren-Mitchell, with a panel of pundits: artist Sir Grayson Perry, plus UK comedian Ben Elton and US comedienne Desiree Burch.

But it's presenter Victoria herself who particularly warms the cockles of our hearts tonight with her spirited attack on cultural snobbishness, and I quote!

"Open your minds, as we always say on 'Heresy'! 

"Popularity is not the opposite of greatness. Dolly Parton is as brilliant as Mozart! Morecambe and Wise are as good as Shakespeare!

"And at the end of the day I like to think I'm an intellectual, but when I'm in bed, I will happily settle down to a bit of Mission Impossible, Fast & Furious, Garden Rescue, Squid Game, and at least 4 or 5 other euphemisms for sex!"

Well said, that woman! 

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!

Tuesday November 10th 2026 "Violins, Cellos etc - They Can Really Pluck At Your Heartstrings! And no pun intended!!!"

Yes, Friends, those soulful violins,  cellos, guitars etc, they really speak to our heartstrings, don't they! But what our heartstrings say back to them isn't recorded, at least not on any CD I've heard so far, to put it mildly !!!!

And at last - and not before time! - popular tabloid Onion News has introduced its long-awaited "Your Strings Tonight" Weekly Colour  Supplement today, complete with some brilliant photos from one of their hard-working cameramen, which is a nice touch!

Just look at today's "doozies" !!!!

It's all a bit "over the top and round the sides (and back!)", if I'm honest! But the stories bring the briefest hint of a smirk to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-supercalifragilistic Liphook, Hampshire - no question-marks over that !!!

me and my wife Lois this lunchtime in a church just over the

county line, in nearby Haslemere, Surrey

"But why are you two 'noggins' sitting in at church, and at lunchtime, of all things, Colin?!", I hear you cry!

And there's a simple answer - we're here for the first in Haslemere's St Christopher's Church's new 2026-2027 series of lunchtime concerts, which is mad! But 'needs must' so we just grab a quick sandwich at home before zooming over to Haslemere, and luckily we get to the church early, in time to fight our way through a huge party of other "old codgers" and also crowds of local schoolchildren, somehow managing to get ourselves a couple of sought-after aisle seats, which is nice!

The nice church-member-lady who shows us to our seats reveals to us the simple seating plan - "old codgers" to the left, schoolkids to the right - which simplifies things enormously and is a great relief!

And my aisle seat will also give my long legs somewhere to go - i.e. stick themselves out into the generous aisle without necessarily tripping up the vicar or anybody else, which makes a pleasant change! Nothing puts "the mockers" on a church concert like the vicar being taken away in an ambulance, Lois and I always say!!!

Also, we're in plenty of time to peruse the programme, and so become a bit familiar with the chief players and try to remember what their instruments are, and their backgrounds, and also satisfy ourselves that they're qualified to be here today.

To be blunt, Lois and I don't want any what-we-call "Les Dawsons". 

Dear old Les, dubbed "Barnsley's Answer to Andre Previn", was known for his notoriously poor, 100% untutored, piano-skills, to put it mildly!!

flashback to the 1990's - classically untrained" pianist Les Dawson,

styled "Barnsley's answer to Andre Previn" - what madness, wasn't it!!!

Luckily, however, today's soloists seem to pass even mine and Lois's vigorous tests, which is encouraging! 

Guitarist Jenny Janse, according to our programme, read music at Cambridge and has performed and recorded across Europe with her ensemble, "The Musicke Companye". And cellist Fiona Harrison graduated from the Royal College of Music, has a Masters degree in music from Yale, and has performed in ensemble at The Barbican Centre and the London Purcell Room. 

(left) today's cello soloist Jenny Janse (Cambridge and Royal Academy of Music)

with today's guitar soloist Fiona Harrison (Royal College of Music, and Yale)

To sum up, today's two soloists seem eminently qualified, and so, after discussion, Lois and I decide to let the concert go ahead!

[That's big of you, Colin! - Ed]

And all in all, it's a lovely concert, too, with music to soothe our shattered nerves (!), and finishing with a bit of an oddity - Ravel's drinking song "Chanson a Boire", which is punctuated by some weird "musical hiccups", from Jenny - not from her tummy (!!!!), but from her cello, being played pizzicato-style, which is mad!

(left) French composer Maurice Ravel (1875 - 1937), who wrote today's famous "Drinking Song" 

(French: Chanson a Boire); and (right) a typical 18th century drinking scene

of the kind his 1930's song seeks to channel (!)

And after all this is  a lunchtime concert, and, for the slightly younger "old codgers" in the audience, there's probably just time, after the concert, to pop into the pub for "a quick one", or a "swift half" before going back to the office, so fair enough! 

Ravel would have been proud of them haha!!!!

(left) Lois, seated with me in the "Old Codgers" section of the room, and (right)

today's cello soloist Fiona Harrison, who can make her cello hiccup, which is weird!

However, whether we reject sobriety or not (!), Lois and I certainly don't have time, after the concert, to pop into a pub for a "swift half", because we have an important appointment in bed for "statutory nap-time", so "needs must" haha!!!!

But what a crazy world we live in!!!

21:00 And there's more craziness tonight, when we settle down on the sofa to see the second programme in the new 2026-2027 season of the comedy panel game series "QI", which has now got through most of the English alphabet, reaching the letter 'X', would you believe! 

And, for presenter and X-Scandinavian Sandi Toksvig and her 4 experts, trying to find words in the dictionary that begin with the letter 'X', to do their research on, is getting increasingly difficult to put it mildly!!!

Luckily there's an old word for 'charcoal', which is "xyloanthrax".

And talking of "xyloanthrax"... (as you do!).... who knew that charcoal beetles like to mate during forest fires? 

X-Scandinavian presenter Sandi Toksvig has more....

And just why do they wait for forest fires before they 'do it' ? Well, you see it's because the charcoal beetles know that, in a fire, their main predators will have already either (a) run away from the fire, or (b) burned to death, which makes a kind of weird sense to Lois and me!

But wait - there's more! And this is the really weird, "science bit".....! 

You see, charcoal beetles have a sort of incredibly sensitive "armpit" - more precisely the area behind the "middle pair" of their 3 pairs of legs - a part of their anatomy which can sense fires burning from 130km away (about 80 miles), which is crazy!!!!

And yes, charcoal beetles literally can't mate, or lay their eggs, unless there's a big fire going on.

And it they're in London, they can detect fires as far away as Swindon (for example!) because of their "armpits". 

designated "London to Swindon: best route for charcoal beetles" - M25 and M4 (if available!) !

You see, these beetles' tiny armpits contain dozens of tiny water-pockets, which expand when they sense heat, and then push against a "receptor". And the difference in how much the water expands on one side of their body compared to the other side of their body, also tells them the direction of the flames.

See? Simples!!!!

What madness, isn't it !!!!

And what Lois and I say, is "What a good thing people don't have to do that, flying and flapping their arms about, if they start feeling romantic (!), which is a blessing! 

Especially if you then had to go to Swindon to do it (!). We've got nothing against Swindon, particularly, but, it's known principally for its large number of roundabouts, so isn't really the UK's most romantic town, is it, to put it mildly!!!!

And - historical fun fact (!) - charcoal beetles used to regularly swarm at 1940's American Football games, and not because of the grills or barbecues out in the car parks. It was simply because of the spectators' cigarette smoke, in those far-off crazy times, which was mad!

Also, another, more up-to-date, fun-fact (!) - firefighters in California often wear 'bee veils' to protect themselves, because the charcoal beetles can be very territorial, and when the fire-fighters arrive to put out a forest fire, the beetles start to bite them.

You couldn't make it up, could you! But at the end of this section of the show, presenter Sandi delights the studio audience with her own, charming impression of those little beetles - the young scamps!!!

But what a crazy world we live in!!! 

[You've done that one already today! Just saying! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!

Monday November 9th 2026 "Been in a nightclub recently? The weirdest things go on - it's all madness, I tell you !!!!"

Yes, friends, have YOU been in a nightclub recently? You wouldn't believe the things that go on - that is, unless you're an avid reader of popular tabloid Onion News new "Nightclub News" pull-out-and-throw-away weekly Special Nightclub News Colour Supplement, that debuts today - free with every issue, so it won't "break the bank" to put it mildly!!!!

Here are the top stories this week!

It's all a bit mad, though, isn't it, if we're honest, that is!!!

And yet... and yet... these stories bring a pleasant, if conspiratorial, smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois here on our near-daily walk this chilly November morning, here in semi-arboreal Liphook, Hampshire - no doubts on that score !!!!

my wife Lois and me, taking our near-daily walk this chilly November morning,

here in semi-arboreal Liphook, Hampshire - brrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

We're both feeling a bit "rough about the edges", today a bit like the park we're walking in, not to mention my somewhat battered "cap" (!). You see, our window-cleaner, Jason, had told us he'd be with us, "some time between 9 and 10am", but then turned up at almost exactly 9:59am - the young scamp!!!! Plus, even our usual afternoon in bed is squeezed to a paltry 2 hours today, which is mad!!!

However, we're determined to keep going, because we've got an exciting evening ahead of us, to put it mildly!

Our daughter Alison, who lives with husband Edward and their 3 teenage kids, in nearby Headley, is picking us up at 3:15pm and whisking us away from "country-bumpkin-land" to catch the 4pm train to the bright lights of London, so we can see a couple of plays/monologues being performed in a trendy club near Waterloo Station, which is mad too!

(above) our train route to London tonight, and (below) our destination -

the Lower Marsh Arts Club, near London's Waterloo station.

"But exactly why are you swapping 'country-bumpkin-land' for the bright lights of London today, Colin?", I hear you cry!

Well, there's a simple reason! My baby-sister Gill (68) has written two plays/monologues that are going to be performed there at fringe theatre Lower Marsh Arts Club tonight, by the "happening" feminist troupe the Yellow Coat Theatre Company, which is really amazing, and exciting, to boot, if that were not enough!!!!

(left) the Yellow Coat Theatre Company - logo "Of course I'm hot, I'm 50!" - which is, currently performing two of my baby-sister Jill's plays, and (right) my sister Jill with two of the players

A wonderful, and, so far, unique experience for Lois and me to see Jill's work being performed, but she's currently working for a master's in creative writing, so I'm sure there'll be more where that came from!

At the tender age of 68 (!), Gill has already written these two very sensitive plays/monologues, both from an older woman's viewpoint, and one which has many audience members on the brink of tears at the end - and in a good way, I must stress (!!!!), as we hear some of them remarking in the bar afterwards.

me, Lois and our daughter Alison in the front row of the theatre

waiting expectantly for the action to begin!

We've got seats in the front row of the club's theatre space, which to call "intimate" is a bit of an understatement! And when the players come on, they literally have to brush past us. Plus, Lois, Alison and I all get, not just "knee-contact" (!) with the cast, but plenty of eye-contact too, which is nice!

And we have a nice time in the club bar, too, in the interval, because also here tonight to see Gill's plays are Zanne and Rose, the wife and daughter of my "new" cousin David, who was adopted at birth but later, in 2022,  found to be a cousin by a random DNA test on a family-history site, which is totally mad!!!!

just a small part of my "enormous" family tree, showing just 5 of my estimated 30 cousins (!)

And not only that but my cousin David's daughter Rose, who's an actress, is also playing a part in one of the plays, which is nice bonus! We also meet Rose's partner Joe, and also Susan, the actress who's playing the lead in one of the two plays, which is "icing on the cake". 

Seems too good to be true, doesn't it, and yet it is true! Neither my playwright sister Gill herself, nor our "new" cousin David are able to be with us tonight, but they caught the show on Friday night, so that's all good!

in the club bar tonight (left to right) (1) my "new" cousin David's wife Zanne,

(2) Susan, the actress taking the lead in one of my sister Gill's plays tonight, 

(3) David and Zanne's actress daughter Rose, (4) our daughter Alison, and

(5,6) Yours Truly and Lois - all grabbing a quick drink and a snack in the interval (!)

And for Lois and me, definitely, a night to remember -  and one when, for once, we're not at home dozing on the couch through a succession of celebrity TV travelogues etc etc, which makes for a pleasant change!!!

us in the crowded club bar during the interval

(left) my "new" cousin David's wife, Zanne talking with Susan, the lead actress in one of Gill's plays,

and (right) Lois with Joe, the partner of support actress Rose, who is David and Zanne's daughter

(left) lead actress Susan with support actress Rose, and (right) 

Rose, Alison and me, all grabbing a quick drink and a snack in the club bar

22:00 Home at last, exhausted but happy, and  more than ready for bed, Lois and I are looking forward to regaling, tomorrow, all of our "country bumpkin" neighbours, with tales of "the bright lights of London", so watch this space!!!!

And, to add fuel to the flames, I recently heard that our neighbours have already begun to dub Lois and me "possibly the jet-settingest retired couple in Liphook" - is that a word? [No! - Ed], and tonight's "shenanigans" can only augment that view further, I feel sure!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!