Thursday January 8th 2025 "Sensitive men, do YOU get tired of the relentless female attention?"

Yes, Sensitive Men, do YOU sometimes get tired of women seemingly forever trying to pick you up? 

It's a common problem isn't it, in our crazy modern world !!!! There's a typical story in today's Onion News, in their popular "From the Archives" column - see page 94!!!!

Women, honestly! Poor Goldsmith !!!!!

Today's Onion "splash", however, gives me and my wife Lois a quiet but raucous "belly-laugh" as we read it in bed this morning. because we're expecting a visit later from our daughter Alison who's dropping by to help Lois with her challenging 1000-piece Jane Austen jigsaw, which will be nice!

my wife Lois and me - some recent pictures

Ali drops by at around 11am, wearing her shiny-new red, ski-themed sweater, and she stays for a couple of hours, sharing with us her lovely bubbly personality. And the help she gives Lois with her Jane Austen jigsaw, is described later by Lois as "significant", despite all the cups of tea drunk, which is nice to hear!

Ali has just a few days ago, returned to England after a week's holiday in a northern Swedish ski-resort, with husband Edward and their 3 teenage offspring. They  were staying at a large, comfortable and sumptuous hotel, so nice that it was difficult to get up the courage to go outside in the cold and do any actual skiing, she says. 

What madness !!!!

(left to right) Edward, Ali, Rosalind (17), Isaac (15), and Josie (19)

dining at their sumptuous Swedish ski-resort hotel last week

The other guests were almost all Swedes, she says, although there were some other Brits, and she heard one party of Danes. And if you're wondering how Ali can tell the difference between Swedes and Danes, well the explanation is simple: she and her family lived in Copenhagen for 7 years from 2012 to 2018, which made them all intermediate-level "Scandi-experts", to put it mildly!

Lois and I visited them several times in Copenhagen, often "babysitting" them when Ali and Edward were away on Edward's frequent business trips around the world.

flashback to 2017: Lois and I "babysit" our 3 grandchildren in Copenhagen, giving them

breakfast, dropping them off at school, and taking them to local attractions, while

Ali and Edward were in Hong Kong, where Edward was looking at a possible new job

Happy days!!!

Josie, their eldest, who was only 12 in those pictures above, is now 19 - you do the maths!!! And since September, she's now a first-year student at Durham, and she'll be travelling up there tomorrow, Ali says, to start her second term studying for a maths degree. 

And Josie has put some more pictures of the family's Swedish holiday onto social media today, featuring her old dad, and younger brother Isaac, which is nice.

 

Awwww!!!!!

You probably know that the Scandinavian languages have alphabets with a few weird letters, the letter a with a circle over it, the letter o with a line through it, that kind of thing. It's total madness, I know, but it's something they seem to like over there, so fair enough, Lois and I say!

above our granddaughter Josie's head - one of the

weird Scandinavian letters: an A with a little circle over the top

And this afternoon, Lois and I listen to a fascinating radio programme on the alphabet, the first in Michael Rosen's new series of "Word of Mouth" on BBC Radio 4.

Lois and I knew, vaguely, that the ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs were turned into a weird sort of alphabet by the Phoenicians. The Greeks saw what the Phoenicians were doing, and decided to use it too, with a few changes. And we knew also that, later, a lot of Greeks settled in Italy, bringing the alphabet to the Etruscans, who taught it to the Romans, who created the Latin alphabet, which we use today when we're writing English.

Here are the first few letters in the alphabet - you probably remember them from your schooldays, I would imagine, unless you weren't paying attention, you little scallywag!

Lois and I didn't know, or had forgotten, that the letter A comes from an Egyptian hieroglyph for an ox's head, and you can see that ox's head in the Phoenician letter, where the head has just been turned on its side, and in the subsequent Greek letter, where that "head" has now been turned upside-down.

We didn't know also, that the letter O was originally a picture of an eye, and that in one of its earliest representations, it actually had a dot in the middle, to represent the pupil. 

But weirdest of all to me, has always been the fact that the Greek alphabet starts ABG, while ours starts ABC. However, on Michael  Rosen's radio programme this afternoon, linguist Danny Bate explains that it's because the Etruscans didn't have a 'g' sound in their language, and so they used it for a 'c' or 'k' sound, which seemed to them to be similar. 

And the rest is history, with the poor old letter 'g' having to be forced in, somewhat awkwardly, at a later date.

What madness!!!!!

People tend to "write off" the Etruscans as having had little impact on the modern world, but to Lois and me, this fundamental change to the alphabet sounds like a "biggie" - call us crazy 'Etruscophiles' if you like haha!

The Etruscans were evidently "our type of guys", it seems. And I myself allow Lois "significant social freedom and status", and I shudder to think what she'd do to me if I didn't (!!!!).

And similar to typical Etruscans, Lois and I are often portrayed in pairs (male/female) also, but I often struggle to describe the smile on mine and Lois's faces, when we're absorbing an amusing Onion News story, for instance. 

I allow myself a quiet smile, as Lois reads out

an amusing Onion News story - a recent picture

However I can see now that our smiles are pretty much an Etruscan smile to a "T", to quote another letter of the alphabet (!) : that is, "sardonic and archaic", a smile which we've somehow both inherited, which is nice!

Archaic? Well we are both 79 although, unquestionably, "still marvellous for our age" haha!!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!

Wednesday January 7th 2026 "Taking YOUR Christmas decorations down, did you notice anything 'fishy' ?!!!"

Yes, Friends, did you notice anything 'fishy' when you took YOUR Christmas decorations down today, when you were 'freeing the tree spirits trapped in the greenery' to avoid the traditional "Yonks of bad luck" (!) ???? 

That was the "fishy feeling" that was one local woman's experience, when she examined the Christmas stocking her current boyfriend had put her gift in - at least according to this morning's local Onion News for East Hampshire, normally a trusted source (!)

Poor Paula !!!!!! And let's hope we get a follow-up on why Mark and old flame Jessica decided to call it a day - watch this space!

The Onion story, however, brought a bit of post-festive chuckling to the faces of me and my wife Lois today, and helped us through the normally traumatic chore of taking our Christmas decorations down and doing the obligatory dusting etc - not something we routinely look forward to, to put it mildly!!!

First to "go back in its box" is our cheery musical dog (batteries included!!!!), who at the touch of a button, regales us with his version of Wizzard's 1973 hit "I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day!", followed into the box by our tiny 3ft Christmas tree itself - with tree spirits ceremonially exorcised (!). And then stuffed away by other bits and pieces of decorations, all destined to spend the next 12 months on the top shelf of our bedroom wardrobe!

Poor decorations !!!!!

But yes, today is the first day of the rest of our lives, and to brush away some of the cobwebs we got covered with taking all that dusty old stuff down off the walls (!), we decide to get some fresh air this morning, when for the first time in a few days we venture outdoors. There has been a lot of rain overnight, which has washed most of this week's snow away, but which has left bits of treacherous ice in places, so we tread carefully.

Well we are both 79, despite being, unquestionably "marvellous for our age". [I'd like some evidence for that statement, please, Colin, before you 'parrot' it again! - Ed]

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

Looking for the least treacherous, and least icy, of our customary 'haunts' to take a walk around, we choose the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes Liphook United (manager: ashen-faced Ron Knee (59), the team currently languishing third from bottom in the "relegation" section of the local East Hampshire Premier League.

We find that there are sections of treacherous ice to avoid, but mostly the walk turns out to be "30 minutes of squelching" to paraphrase Sex Pistols punk rock star Johnny Rotten's famous words (!).

There's not a soul about when we start our walk, and so, somewhat nervously perhaps because we haven't paid for any seats today, we pluck up the courage to sit for a few glorious moments in the "hallowed seats" of the two 6-seater stands, where club manager Knee and the team's fans, local soccer podcasters Sid and Doris Bonkers, customarily sit on a Saturday afternoon. 

Lois tries out the so-called "cheap seats" in the stand with the free air-conditioning (!) - see photo above, while I stand for a moment in the de-luxe stand, complete with the back and sides, the "hallowed seats" where Knee traditionally holds court on a Saturday with the so-called "club directors". 

(left) club manager, the ashen-faced Ron Knee (59) and (right) the Liphook United

team's fans, Sid and Doris Bonkers - catch their podcast, if you can bear it (!)

16:00 And for Lois and me that's pretty much it, for today. 

I'm currently under a bit of pressure personally, because Friday next week is beginning to loom large. It's been earmarked as the date of my scheduled mini-presentation to the local U3A online "Intermediate History of English for Old Codgers" group, which I allegedly "manage" - for my sins (!). 

the local U3A online "Intermediate History of English for Old Codgers" Group,

the group which Yours Truly allegedly "manages" - for his sins (!!!!!)

This month I'm been "fingered" by members to give a mini-presentation to the group on the English language's most interesting fruit-words, and I'm struggling to find material, to be absolutely frank! Luckily today, an email from Steve, our American brother-in-law, comes up with a few fruits which neither Lois nor I are familiar with.

See some of these "doozies" that Steve has somehow managed to "harvest" - no pun intended!!!!, including the bizarrely-named "nipplefruit" and "snottygobble".

(left) the nipple-fruit and (right) a prime example of "snottygobble"

Nipplefruit is so called because of its distinctive shape: nipple-like protrusions sticking out from its bright yellow body; it's a fruit used as a decorative item, or as folk medicine, across Southeast Asia and Central America. Snottygobble, on the other hand, is an Australian fruit which gets its name from the slimy nature of the fruit when it becomes ripe.

 Here's a quick sneak preview of the hastily amended notes for my so-called "talk" (!):

What a crazy language we speak !!!!

However, with these (in-total) 25 additional fruits that Steve has told me about, I feel that my mini-presentation next week is "in the bag", and will more or less "write itself".

This will undoubtedly save me time, to put it mildly (!). Oh dear! That just means more time for post-Christmas dusting and hoovering!!!!

Oops !!!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!

Tuesday January 6th 2026 "Did YOU stay up late last night to watch the "Yummies Awards"? Bet you're feeling it today!!!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU feeling a bit bleary-eyed this morning? 

If so, I bet you were up late last night watching the annual "Yummies" award ceremony live from Hollywood USA, no less !!!! My wife Lois and I elected to pass on this one  and go to bed at our usual time, but we were up early this morning to get the results in this morning's Onion News. Maybe you did the same?!!!

Kudos, the World's bananas - you've done it again! 

And the story unquestionably sends a wistful smile to the lips of my wife Lois and me as we start the day here in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire UK, no question about that!

me and my wife Lois - some recent pictures

Fruits - be they bananas or not - are certainly on Yours Truly's mind this morning, because the date of my mini-presentation on "funny fruits" is looming large, because I've only got a week or so before I have to give it online. Yikes!!!!

Let me put my cards on the table at this point. [I wish you wouldn't keep doing that, Colin! - Ed]

"For my sins" I'm the leader of the local U3A Intermediate Languages for Old Codgers group, and it's our monthly online meeting on January 16th, during which members have asked me to give them a presentation on "funny fruit words in English".

flashback to last September: I queue up behind a bunch of other

"old codgers" seeking to join the local "Intermediate Languages 

for Old Codgers" group

For my upcoming presentation, I've discovered a few things already, but hardly enough for a 60-minute address. So if YOU know any words for fruits or interesting facts about them, please drop me a line - postcards only !!!!

Up till a thousand years ago, there were only really 2 words for fruits in English, which was okay because most of today's fruits weren't  known about, coming as they do from hot countries. The larger fruits were all called "apples", and the smaller ones "berries". What madness, wasn't it !!!!!

Dates were called "fingeraeppla" (finger-apples) bananas were either "appels of paradis" or "earth-apples". And when it says in the Bible that Eve "tempted Adam with an apple", it could easily have been a pear or a melon, because those words didn't exist in English at the time. 

Eve tempting Adam with an apple - or was it a melon perhaps?

Later, when people travelled further in the world, they, for example, discovered tangerines (first encountered in Tangiers, Morocco). The word "peach" was a mangled  pronunciation of "Persian", and "currant" was a mangled pronunciation of "Corinth". Grapes were so-called because you had to "grab" them with a hook, allegedly (!).

Also in my researches today, I discover that the tomatoes, an Aztec fruit, was originally not eaten either in UK or US, and only used for decoration, being thought to be poisonous. However, Spaniards and Italians  had no such qualms, it's reported. Thomas Jefferson introduced them in the States 1789, but Americans initially remained unconvinced, and didn't start eating them in large quantities till around 1830, by which time they must have "gone off", surely?

I think we should be told, don't you! 

In those far-off days there was also great fear about traders and sailors contracting scurvy, known to be caused by the lack of fresh fruit. The Portuguese, Spanish, Dutch and Arabs planted citrus trees along trade routes, which must have looked nice! 

The British Navy, on the other hand, gave sailors lime-juice (lime-water), hence the word 'limeys' applied to British sailors in Australia, Canada and New Zealand, and later in the US.

What a crazy world they lived in, in those far-off times !!!!

Today, Tuesday, however, is a great day for study, for both me and also Lois, today, as the snow is still on the ground, and more falls this morning. We're hoping that the rain forecast for tonight will "slush" all that snow away (no pun intended!!!), and we'll wake up to a different world tomorrow, all being well. But we'll see.

snow falling on our tiny back garden this morning

While I'm studying up on my fruits, Lois is studying a bit of Intermediate Latin (as you do!). We're both members of the local U3A Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers group. 

Our group meetings are a bit in abeyance at the moment because Joe, our leader, is in hospital in Portsmouth with back issues, although the latest word is that Joe is itching to get back in the saddle, so we suspect it won't be long before group meetings resume.

It's difficult for Lois, who's having to do the most "catching up" with her Latin. We both joined the group only recently, and we're very much the "newbies", because the other members pretty much have been in the group for years, and all know each other really well: we call them "Joe's harem", because they tend to fuss over Joe a lot, making sure he's all right, and feeling fit enough to take the class etc etc.

flashback to a typical meeting of Joe's "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group,

Joe writes on the whiteboard while his devoted existing members "Joe's Harem",

Lois and I call them (!), fuss over him and check he's feeling okay etc etc

- what madness !!!!

It's possible that Lois may give up on the group, because it's a lot of work for her catching up with everybody else - she did a Wheelock's Latin course, but it was some years ago.

My guess is that she'll persevere, however. She's nothing if not determined, and she hates to give up on a goal, once she's set it for herself. So we'll see!

flashback to June: I showcase Lois's old copy of "Wheelock's Latin"

Watch this space! [Latin: hunc locum observa!!!]

19:00 After a hard day's study, and the snow still on the ground outside, it's nice to relax this evening with another helping of Lois's stew that she made a couple of days ago, followed by another slice of her delicious 2025 Christmas Cake - yum yum!

(left) flashback to a couple of days ago: Lois prepares a stew,

and (right) she sorts out two helpings of her 2025 Christmas cake - yum yum!

Not all species are lucky enough to be able to dine, like us, sitting at a table in front of the TV, however, as we learn tonight from this week's edition of QI XL, the comedy science quiz show, presented by Sandi Toksvig, where we learn some fascinating facts about the eating habits of the starfish, a creature which initially looks like a creature with five legs:

However, the starfish is actually all head. Scientists looking for the head gene found that it was all over the little fellow, even in the tips of the 'arms'. There was no 'torso gene', it was completely missing. And if you define a leg, or a foot, as an organ of support and locomotion for the body, then a starfish has 15,000 feet: tiny tube feet, which are all over the starfish's body, so basically it's all head and lots and lots of feet.

"But where's the little guy's mouth, Colin?", I hear you cry!

Well, the starfish mouth is at the centre of the underside, as you might expect, but they have a peculiar way of eating, to put it mildly. 

Hence, perhaps, the standard question that a starfish couple might ask each other every evening - "Are we eating out again tonight, darling?"

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!