Saturday January 24th 2026 "Who'd be a politician today!! Rushed off their feet, almost haha!!!"

Yes, Friends, who'd be a politician today! Busy busy busy!!!!

This morning's Onion News reminds us all, in their popular "From the Archives" column (see page 94!) that the record of the busiest day ever was set by a US politician exactly 12 years ago this year! It's a record that's never been broken, according to the Guinness Book of Records, which is nice!

And "Just who was that "busy bee", Colin?", I hear you cry!

Step forward, former US Secretary of State, Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton, no less !!!

Kudos, Hillary!

However, reading the Onion story this morning, here in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, brings a confident but "classified (till tomorrow!)" secret smile to the pursed lips of me and my wife Lois. And those lips are fully pursed, simply because we've contacted the Guinness records people to hold the front page! It could be that that 12-year record of Hillary's is about to be broken, would you believe!!!!

Yes, it's one of those rare days when Lois and I have more than one thing on our day's calendar entry - and today, it's two major events, I can't emphasise strongly enough!!!!

Yes, and not only that, as you can tell from the above, we spend a lot of this morning "poncing about" in our cod-Scottish "gear",  trying out a plethora of "camera angles" so we'll look our best for any celebrity journalists who just "happen" to be around, covering local pub The Links Tavern's 'Early Bird' Burns Night.

I say 'Early Bird' because it's the day before the real Burns Night, and has been set up by the pub specifically for any Liphook's "old codgers" anxious to avoid the crowds, which is nice!

Yum yum!!!

First however, we have a local chamber music concert this morning, to "show our faces at" !!! If you're local 'icons' like Lois and me, it's important just to be seen at these rare events here in semi-rural Liphook. "Noblesse oblige" and all that! 

The concert is being given by two young women, up-and-coming Anglo-Turkish musicians Ezo Sarici (violin) and Deniz Cengiz (piano), who together form Duo Ekes. The concert is being held this morning at the 850-year old St Bartholomew's Church in nearby Haslemere, just over the county line in Surrey. 

And in between the "numbers" in their "set", the women banter and joke light-heartedly with their audience, and surprise surprise they talk in absolutely perfect English, just like you and me, would you believe! We google them later and find that Ezo, the violinist, was born in London, and Deniz, the pianist, though born in Istanbul, has, like Ezo, spent a lot of time studying at various conservatoires all over Europe, where we're guessing that English is the "lingua franca", but nonetheless "Kudos, Those Women!", You Kept Us Out of War!" haha!!!!

Lois and I "show our faces" at a local morning concert by Duo Ekes, 

two young Anglo-Turkish musicians in the local 850-year-old St Bartholomew's Church 

I'm wearing dark glasses, incidentally, ostensibly so as not to be recognised, but (state secret) it's actually because I forgot to change back to my "regular" pair, when we parked the car in the nearby Tanner Street pay car-park after driving into town in some unexpected blinding sunshine, which was a shock! But keep that one to yourselves, eh, nudge nudge wink wink!!!! 

 

I don't know how long it is since we last went to any kind of concert, like, a billion years (more probably!), but as Lois remarks this morning, it's so nice to hear music being played in the flesh for once, and I have to agree. 

The concert over, there's only a highly-anticipated afternoon in bed that separates us from tonight's "Caledonian" culinary delights at the tavern, so we're both shouting "Och aye!" as we climb into bed at 2pm for another 3-hour "stint", that's for certain!  [You lazy buggers! - Ed]

our "Early Bird Burns Night Supper" at the Links Tavern, Liphook, tonight,

under the watchful eye of a piper and the tavern's "Sid the Bear" mascot!

It turns out tonight, that the advertised local "St. Andrew's Pipe Band" turns out to be just one lone piper - his mates in the band are probably "officiating" at other gigs in the area, presumably! And we know, for instance, that our daughter Alison and husband Ed, a hotshot London lawyer, are sitting somewhere only about half a mile away from us this evening, attending one of Ed's work-related Early Bird Burns Night "do's", at Liphook's prestigious Millennium Centre. We're hoping to exchange notes with Ali and Ed tomorrow, so watch this space!

the full St Andrews Pipe Band from Hamble-le-Rice, Hampshire,

seen here playing in Normandy in 2014, for the 70th anniversary of D-Day

It turns out to be a blessing in disguise, however, that we only have one piper to contend with! Have YOU ever tried to keep a conversation going when there's a bagpiper playing just a few feet away from you! Nevertheless we can't deny that our piper adds enormous value to the occasion, and, along with the packed house of other Tavern patrons, Lois and I applaud wildly at each of the many Scottish-related numbers in his "set", which is nice!

Well played, Jock, or whatever your name is haha!!!!

Here he is, "piping in the haggis" - touring the pub, followed by a waiter with a big haggis on a tray, which is an old custom, and a nice touch! 

"piping in the haggis" - the piper tours the pub to loud applause, 

followed closely by a waiter carrying a big haggis on a tray - nice touch!

Well done that man!

Another surprise is that, because we were late booking, most of the menu items (see above) are now "off", in the sense of being "off" the agenda. But we have a lovely "nosh" tonight, nonetheless. Lois goes with the "Cullen skink" starter, while I have the "Glasgow Potato Scone". And we both opt for the Treacle-Cured Venison as our mains.

Do you remember celebrity travelogue presenter and ex-Mrs Thatcher Cabinet Minister, Michael Portillo's famous "brush with a skink", at the town of Cullen itself, up in Aberdeenshire, back in 2022?

Tonight, Lois tells our waiter that her Cullen skink is as nice, if not nicer, than the one she had in Stirling, Scotland, on our pre-retirement holiday in Scotland, back in 2005, which is some compliment!

The waiter tells us he'll relay Lois's seal-of-approval to "Chef", so we wait a few minutes in case "Chef" comes out to give Lois a kiss or a bunch of flowers, but he's a "no-show" - too busy probably! 

Well it is Early Bird Burns Night, and he's got, like, a billion "old codgers" to feed, more probably !

Och aye, the noo !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:30 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!

Friday January 23rd 2026 "Have YOU got an unpleasant boss? And are YOU looking at ways to 'get even' ?"

Yes, Friends, have YOU got an unpleasant boss? Most of us have, haven't we, although Yours Truly and my wife Lois (a.k.a Mrs Yours Truly!) are honourable exceptions, having been retired for an incredible 20 years come March, although we could certainly tell you a thing or two about our ex-bosses back in the day!

It turns out, however, that it's pretty easy 'getting even' with these line-management-monsters, according to today's Onion News!  

See? Simples! But kudos, that woman !!!!

car-driver Jennifer Crosswell (Doris Day) splashes mud over her

"jerk of a boss" Doug Southerton (Cary Grant), in this crazy

"AI" version of how the miniseries of Lassen's novel might look

However, reading the Onion story this morning, here in rain-affected Liphook, Hampshire, brings some much-needed cheer and a cocky smile" (!) to our rain-drenched lips to put it mildly!!!! Lois and I don't need to have mud splashed on our designer clothing today by any crazy sportscar-driving woman - we're muddy enough already, thank you very much!

There is as much mud around us, and over us (!), as we can take, not to mention puddles galore today, as we do our "30 minutes of squelching" (phrase copyright 70's punk idol Johnny Rotten - kudos, Johnny!) on Old Man Lowsleys' Farm, just outside town. And we eventually have to abandon the walk after less than half the number of steps we normally do - only 2000 today, instead of the usual 4000-5000, would you believe!

What madness!!!

flashback to this morning: Lois and me doing our daily walk 

over Old Man Lowsley's Farm just outside town, here in Liphook, Hampshire 

It soon becomes apparent that the local bird population doesn't like this awful weather either - we only "bag" a thrush and a couple of tits on my phone's shiny new "merlin" app.

By contrast, however, the local dogs (and their owners) are in "mud heaven", to put it mildly!!!! You can see one of them, with its owner, on the top right picture above, on the horizon, striding confidently past the farm's iconic oak-tree, if you don't believe me!!!!!

Lois and I are not really "dog people", although we've got nothing against them, to be fair. We've always been "cat people", and we brought our two daughters Alison and Sarah to be "cat people" too. However, it turned out that they both eventually married "dog men", so "mixed marriages" is what Lois and I call their respective crazy unions haha!

flashback to 2017: mine and Lois's last ever pet cat, Minx - awwwww!!!

We find out tonight, however, that we're not the UK's only "cat people", which is a surprise! Step forward comedians David Baddiel, Ricky Gervais, Josh Widdicombe and comedienne Lou Sanders, not to mention chat-show host Jonathan Ross. Kudos, guys !!!!

And it's all courtesy of Baddiel's new Channel 4 series "Cat Man", the second episode of which is airing tonight, which is nice!

As Baddiel says, there are plenty of programmes about dogs on TV, but very few centred on cats. And while many dogs indeed look impossibly beautiful, the thing about cats is that they all look adorable, even the "ugly" ones!!!

Wilfred, dubbed "the ugliest cat on the Internet 2022"

This is a fascinating series, and Lois and learn a lot about cats big and small from tonight's show, to put it mildly! Cats are a weird species,  because they have these big relations, like tigers etc, that are, in most respects just like normal cats, only bigger - what kind of madness is that!!!

And who knew, for example, that although lions and tigers roar, and scare the living daylights out of you, other big cats, like cheetahs, have the same quiet little "miaow" that domestic house cats have? And just like domestic cats, the cheetahs will miaow at their human 'owners - zoo-keepers and such-like - when they're complaining that it's feeding time. It's interesting that cats, whether big or small, rarely miaow at other cats.

These cheetahs are convinced that it's "feeding-time" and they're very vocally letting their "humans" know about it, no question!

And the reason? The cheetah's physiology has a lot of similarities with that of domestic cats, and cheetahs don't have all the advantages of the real big boys, the lions and tigers.

And who knew, for example, that there was such a thing as a "toyger", basically a normal-size cat that's been bred to look like a tiger, albeit a miniature one?

Toygers are very much in demand for their idiosyncratic looks, and, tonight, presenter David Baddiel talks to a toyger-stud owner, who gives him the inside story about what it's like to be a "toyger tom" working in a "toyger stud":

Ah yes, we were forgetting! Poor Hugh !!!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!

Thursday January 22nd 2026 "Who would YOU like to play YOU in the film version of YOUR life?!"

Yes, Friends, who would YOU like to play "little ol' you" in the film version of YOUR life?

I think we've all got our thoughts on that particular "hot potato", haven't we! And it's nice to know that it's not just real people who can't help but speculate on their casting options, as this morning's Onion News reveals !!!!

Good suggestion, Allegra! And good to get in early with your 'theoretical self-casting' of Kidman, because actresses who can play "an icy blonde with a lot going on behind the eyes", are rare birds, and can probably be counted on the fingers of one hand, to put it mildly!

And reading the Onion story today here in our "leafy paradise" -  semi-rural Liphook Hampshire - my wife Lois and I can't help giving way to a distorted smile that spreads its way knowingly across our perfectly-formed lips, that's for sure!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

We ourselves have gone for the obvious in our own case - it may be something of a cliche, but we're both self-confessed "old codgers", 79 and counting, would you believe! So we've "plumped" for the admittedly 'safe option' of Doris Day and Cary Grant, now both in their nineties at least, if not more! We're currently waiting to hear back from them, so watch this space!!! [Don't hold your breath! - Ed]

Your suggestions for our castings welcome by the way - postcards only !!!!

Doris Day and Cary Grant - the 'no-brainer' choices to play Lois and me!

And Lois and I are laughing today because, at 4:45pm, our grandson Isaac (15) is due to drop by our house after an extended school-day, when we can get him to "spill the beans" about how preparations are going for the forthcoming staging of the Surrey Theatre Academy version of "Legally Blonde", which debuts at nearby Haslemere Hall next month, and in which Isaac stars as "UPS guy", Isaac's first-ever "romantic lead".

flashback to last month: Lois and I wait outside the stage door of 'happening' local venue

Haslemere Hall, to pick up our grandson Isaac (15) after a rehearsal for the

Surrey Theatre Academy production of "Legally Blonde", where Isaac plays the romantic lead

Yes, Isaac's taking the play's romantic lead, the "UPS delivery guy", played by Bruce Thomas in the film, who catches the eye of ditsy hair-salon manageress Paulette Bonafonte, played by Jennifer Coolidge. 

flashback to July: our grandson Isaac (15) in his last major role,

as the Tin Man in his school's production of  "The Wizard of Oz", 

seen here with dad Edward, and mum Alison, our daughter

Remember the iconic scene in "Legally", when Paulette realises that an attractive local UPS guy has arrived at her hair-salon "with a package for her" (nudge nudge wink wink!!!). In her nervousness, Paulette mistimes her carefully-rehearsed "bend-and-snap" manoeuvre, designed to show off her legs, and, in a clumsy "kerfuffle", ends up breaking the poor delivery guy's nose.

You must remember that one haha!!!

the iconic scenes in Legally Blonde where smitten hair salon manageress

Paulette (Jennifer Coolidge) mistimes her "bend and snap" routine,

breaking the UPS guy's nose, maybe ruining her chances with him for ever!

Poor Paulette !!!!!

And our grandson Isaac is having to play, not just "UPS guy", but at least two other male roles in the play, due to the reluctance of local budding young male thespians to appear. There's no shortage of volunteers for the female parts, needless to say, so Isaac will be in "teenage boy's heaven" in the dressing-rooms after the show, to put it mildly !!!!

Just so you know, Lois and I have actually booked to see Isaac's performance at a special "Matinee for Old Codgers" performance early next month - so watch this space !!!!

typical local "old codgers" queuing up outside 

Haslemere Hall for a recent matinee performance 

Isaac's visit, after school today, tops off another perfect day for Lois and me. This morning, dodging the rain with almost perfect timing - apres nous le deluge, which starts the moment we get home, would you believe (!) - we take another bracing, 4000-step walk this morning over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer giants Liphook United.

local soccer heroes, Liphook United, in their new all-blue "strip", 

in front of a capacity crowd, estimated at 16, seen here recently

in action, losing 0-2 at home, to local rivals Whitehill & Bordon

I won't mince words - Liphook United is in big trouble now, "languishing" second from bottom in the East Hampshire "Premier League". But they have a couple of games in hand, possibly due to their (apparently) permanently-waterlogged pitch (!).

And could newcomer Josh, the squad's exciting "no.17" shirt substitute, replace the seemingly out-of-favour and less exciting substitute, "no. 16" shirt Tom? And could that newcomer Josh perform something of a minor-miracle, and save United from almost certain relegation to the "East Hampshire First Division", long recognised as something of a graveyard for local would-be David Beckhams? 

I think we should be told !!!

Poor Tom !!!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!