Sunday March 15th 2026 "Friends, spring is here - isn't it time to sort out your old garage and shed haha!"

Yes, friends, spring is almost here, and time to dust off those spring-cleaning plans you never found time to implement last year haha!!!!

And if your mind has gone blank, why not take a leaf out of local family the Westins' book, whose story was all over this morning's local Onion News for East Hampshire. Thumb your way through to page 94 - you'll be glad you did haha!!!

Poor Dad Westin!

But kudos, the Westins, for keeping local neighbourhood friends "up to speed" with their plans, and I see the story was later picked up by "the nationals", the Times and Telegraph etc, and even the stuffy old BBC World Service led on the story in their early bulletins today, so fair enough!

And, speaking personally, reading the story this morning in the Onion News print edition, here in leafy, semi-processed Liphook, Hampshire, not a million miles away from the Westins, might I add (!), my wife Lois and I are feeling an unmistakeable trace of a smile developing on our lower face muscles, to put it mildly!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

We know that our own daughter Alison and husband Edward, unlike Dad Westin (see Onion Story above!) are being particularly brutal with their own "problem shed" this morning - the one they call "the wonky shed". 

"But why the name "wonky shed", Colin?", I hear you cry!

Well, seeing as how you're gagging to know ("), Alison and Edward need to differentiate the shed with that special name, because, on their 7.5 acre wooded "estate" which serves as their back garden (!), they have, like, a billion other sheds - more probably! And, to be fair, they're fed up to the back teeth with their "wonky shed" which can't even stand up straight - a minimum requirement for a shed, in my humble opinion (!), so today that shed is "getting ready to meet the saints", as the old song has it!

But plese note, however, that the family's current "wonky shed demolition project", is just one tiny part of the family's massive refurb of their crumbling Victorian mansion and grounds, work which is still in progress after at least a year.

(above, left) our daughter Alison and husband Edward's crumbling Victorian mansion,

still undergoing massive refurbishment, and (below, left) our son-in-law Edward inspecting 

the family's "wonky shed", which today is being demolished to avoid causing further 

embarrassment to family, friends, and even to itself, to be brutally honest (!)

Poor shed !!!!!

And the wonky shed's sad demise is just one of the many topics Lois and I discuss with Alison, Edward and family when we all meet up for a 3-course UK Mothers Day lunch today at Liphook's iconic "Links Tavern", to put it mildly!

(left) our son-in-law Edward, our daughter Alison and Yours Truly,

and (right) Lois with 2 or Alison and Edward's 3 teenage offspring,

Isaac (15) and Rosalind (17) - and as it's Mothers Day, Alison and Edward

are paying the bill so what's not to like haha!!!!

Yes, the "wonky shed" is just the opener - but we've got plenty of other items on today's agenda, that's for sure! 

Both Isaac and Rosalind are in the middle of their "mock" exams, GCSE for Isaac, and, for Rosalind it's her mock A Levels, not to mention all the mind-boggling choices due to come up this year as she ponders which university to go to in the autumn. Decisions, decisions! 

And Isaac tells us more about his trip to UCL London to discuss possibly studying for a Mandarin Chinese degree there in a couple of years' time, plus the latest on Isaac's boy-girl pop group New Horizon's forthcoming appearances - busy busy busy!!!!

Isaac's band New Horizon will be opening up this summer's Chiddstock Festival, to take place at the nearby village of Chiddingfold. "Chiddstock" is South West Surrey's answer to the iconic Woodstock Pop Festival of the 1960's, needless to say!

(left) our grandson Isaac, rightmost, at UCL London with fellow Mandarin Chinese 

students from his school, and (right) leftmost with his boy-girl pop band New Horizon,

chosen to open up the iconic Chiddstock Pop Festival in nearby Chiddlingfold, Surrey

Yes, decisions, decisions! 

Lois and I feel a bit out of it, when it comes to decisions! 

And after today's lunch, the biggest decision Lois and I have got to take now is... what time-slot to choose for our afternoon in bed for "statutory nap time", would you believe! 

We've taken the decision to do it [What a surprise! - Ed], but the time-slot is up for grabs, and, seeing as how we're feeling totally "stuffed" by today's generous 3-course Mothers Day lunch, we opt for the little-used 3pm to 6pm slot - we won't be needing much in the way of food for the rest of the day, that's for sure!!!!

[You lazy so-and-so's! - Ed]

20:00 So, hard to believe it, but UK Mother's Day is over for another year. 

It's also hard to believe that Alison and Edward's beloved "wonky shed" is no more, after all these years. 

However, the shed's demise gives me an idea of how to cheer up our other daughter Sarah, who lives in Perth, Western Australia, with husband Francis and their 12-year-old twins Lily and Jessica. Earlier today Lois and I had our regular Sunday morning "catch-up call" with them on whatsapp.

flashback to this morning, and our regular Sunday morning catch-up 

whatsapp call with our daughter Sarah and her 12-year-old twin daughters 

Lily and Jessica 9000 miles away, in Perth, Western Australia

Sarah needs cheering up tonight, because tomorrow (Monday) she starts her new accountancy job in central Perth, so she'll have to cope with all the rush-hour traffic, not to mention getting to know her new boss, her new "team" etc etc, which isn't nice for anybody, is it, to put it mildly! Still, by next Sunday, those awkward "teething troubles" should be over, and we're expecting her to be her usual perky self by next Sunday - so watch this space!

Australian Mothers Day isn't till May, which is troubling, because Lois and I will have to somehow remember it without all the reminders about our own Mothers Day from TV commercials etc!! Nevertheless Sarah was very good, and remembered to send Lois a card and flowers, which arrived yesterday by Royal Mail, which was nice.

flashback to yesterday: Sarah's Mothers Day flowers for Lois

delivered by Royal Mail from Australia, which was nice!

It's a worrying time for Sarah, which her new job starting tomorrow. But during our whatsapp call this morning, I had made the obviously stressed Sarah laugh by telling her about her sister Alison's "wonky shed", now very firmly an "ex-shed" (!). 

And tonight I send Sarah the notorious interview from that disastrous 1970's edition of the BBC's then flagship arts programme, "It's the Arts". You know, the famous one when interviewer Eric Idle embarrassed "poncey" modern composer Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson with the rumours surrounding his alleged "second shed" - remember?

The "shed" issue unfortunately hi-jacked the show and completely overshadowed discussion of Jackson's latest symphony, which was a pity. And it all ended particularly badly, when Jackson had to be forcibly ejected from the studio by TV staff.

the famous edition of the BBC flagship arts programme, "It's the Arts",

where discussion of "poncey" modern composer Edward "Two Sheds"

Jackson's new symphony became overshadowed by the scandal

of Jackson's alleged "second shed" - see slide at the back of the set

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!

Saturday March 14th 2026 "Spring is in the air - and that means it's time for spring-cleaning, unfortunately!!!"

Spring is in the air! And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, because that also means it's time to get out those brushes and mops for a good old annual spring-clean in your "pad" or "gaff", be it ever so humble haha!!!

Some people of a more meticulous disposition, however, have a more rigorous cleaning schedule than a mere annual one. Take local man Justin Bunce, whose face is all over this morning's local Onion News for East Hampshire, as you may (or may not) have noticed (!) haha!!!! 

Poor Bunce !!!!!

And certainly, reading Bunce's story in the Onion News print edition this morning, here in leafy, semi-articulate Liphook, not a million miles from Bunce - just up the A339 in fact! - yes, reading the story brings an ironic groan to the faces of me and my wife Lois, to put it mildly!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

Spring cleaning - not a nice expression, but Lois suggests we do a bit today in the garage, seeing as how we may have to stay in all day today, anyway, for the delivery - at some unspecified time (!) - of a UK Mothers Day card and a bunch of Moonpig flowers from our dear daughter Sarah in Perth, Australia. 

It's also a good opportunity to get some of our "summer" garden furniture - a table and a bunch of chairs - out of the garage and on to our so-called "patio" (!), just in case there's some warmer weather ahead, although the Met Office isn't giving us a lot of optimism just at the moment, to put it mildly! 

Let's all give a collective "Brrrr!!!!", shall we!!!!

What a crazy country we live in !!!!

us doing a spring-clean this morning in our garage, also moving out

our garden furniture onto the patio, in a spirit of blind optimism !!!!!

And the reason we're doing a bit of a spring-clean - i.e. the expected delivery of a Mothers Day card and flowers from Australia, doesn't materialise till we're tucked up in bed this afternoon for statutory nap-time - a delivery-time that we had both privately predicted to each other. Just our luck haha !!!!

It all passes off peacefully, however, and later Lois showcases the card and the two vases' worth of flowers for my phone's camera, which is nice.

The weather in Perth is in a whole different ballpark, however, with temperatures typically in the 80's F, which is around 30C, and which they refer to as "on the cool side". But we can tell the overall effect from these pictures that Sarah sends us today over the Internet. 

Look ye at their summer clothing and weep, o ye Brits haha!!!!

Sarah, plus husband Francis and their 12-year-old twins Lily and Jessica are all wearing their summer clothes for the twins' recent graduation from their local Primary School. And Lois and I can't help our hearts swelling with pride, as the twins "scoop" two of the six special prizes - Lily for "overall academic excellence", and Jessica for the English prize, which is a good omen. She says in her little speech that she's hoping to become a children's author when she grows up. So watch this space!!!

(top left) our daughter Sarah and family (top right) the twins' graduating class

at their local primary school, with the twins scooping two of the six special awards

(bottom left) Lily for Overall Academic Excellence, and (bottom right) Jessica for English

Awwwwww, bless their little cotton socks!!!!!

Lois and I, meanwhile are still wearing our big heavy woollen socks (me) and our thick winter tights (Lois), and we're feeling our age a bit tonight, after our morning of muscle-tiring work in the garage,  to put it mildly!

On the plus side, however, in clearing out the garage, Lois and I found, like, a billion useful household items (more, probably!), that we thought had gone missing in our move to this house in Liphook in January 2025, which is unexpected! Including this set of long-lost weights, which we discover were hiding behind a bunch of damaged, and unwanted (obviously!), clothes-airers, which we seem to be keeping for nostalgic reasons apparently - I can't think of any other possible motive haha!!!!

 

the weights, long thought to have been lost in our recent move to Liphook, in January 2025,

which I can now use in connection with my "executive fitness" book, which will be handy!

Could Lois also benefit from our discovery of these long-lost weights, however? 

This thought crosses both our minds this evening, as we settle down to watch a rerun from 1978 of the 25th anniversary edition of The Good Old Days, the show that recreates the atmosphere and spirit of the Edwardian music-hall of the 1900's and 1910's, which is nice.

Lois and I hadn't heard of the so-called "Sandow girls", who feature in one of the songs in tonight's rerun, and who apparently became the latest craze in Britain and North America during the early years of the 20th century.

Talk about women with muscles! Those "Sandow girls", inspired by Prussian strongman Eugen Sandow, seem to have developed muscles in places where most women haven't even got places, if that makes sense !!!!!

(left) Prussian muscleman Eugen Sandow (1867-1925) and (right)

some of the so-called "Sandow girls", inspired by Eugen's muscles to get some of their own (!)

What madness !!!!!

It's nice tonight, however, to hear the song that was evidently written about them, and which opened this special 25th anniversary edition of the show.

Could Lois become a "Sandow girl"? Perhaps better not, because they sound like they were a bit intimidating to their current male "squeezes", to judge by this verse - yikes! What do you think?

Back to the drawing-board, then, to be on the safe side (!) !!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!

Friday March 13th 2026 "Are YOU married to a food critic? A lot of us are, aren't we!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU married to a food critic? It can be a thankless task, can't it, like it is for local woman Fran, wife of locally-famous Liphook Observer food critic Paul Greaves, no less! This is the local Onion News for East Hampshire's "take" on the news:

Poor Mrs Greaves!!!!! And dare I say it, shouldn't the great, high-and-mighty husband Paul consent to "get his hands dirty" and make the couple's chicken marsala himself once in a while? Is that asking too much? I wonder....!

Certainly the Onion News story brings a lip-smacking smile to the mouths of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in leafy, semi-processed Liphook, Hampshire, to put it mildly!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

Since January 2025, Lois and I have been living in what used to be very much "chicken country" here in East Hampshire. We know for a fact that when our current housing estate was built, back in the 1970's, it was built on top of the ruins of what was once East Hampshire's most iconic medium-to-high-profile chicken farms, Pedigree Utility Poultry, motto "For Pleasure and Profit", proprietor Captain James I.E. Carswell MBE, no less! 

We don't know the details but when our house was built, together with all the other 60-some houses in this estate on Liphook's Haslemere Road, one of the businesses annihilated by all the new-builds was poor James Carswell's chicken farm business. Let's hope Carswell was re-housed somewhere else, not to mention his poor chickens!!! 

(left) our housing estate, as it looks this afternoon, and (right)

the chicken farm that the estate annihilated when it was built.

Poor Carswell! And poor chickens!!!!

And this morning Lois and I,  as two self-confessed dyed-in-the-wool history buffs, are in the Liphook Heritage Centre trying to find out more about what other things, "disreputable or otherwise" (!), were going on in our area before all the houses were built here in back in the 1970's.

(left) Liphook Heritage Centre's introductory booklet, and (right) 

Lois this morning filling out a form detailing what we hope to find our

about the history of the area we've been living in since January 2025

we also come away with some booklets, including an old advert for a local pub,

the Royal Anchor, a "world-famous old English Inn", proprietor Mr J.L. Papps, 

 whose visitors have included Queen Victoria, and even the Queens of Spain and Portugal

- what madness !!!!!

What a crazy little town we appear to be living in for the last 14 months !!!!

When Lois and I drop by at our little town's Heritage Centre this morning, we find that it's manned by six unpaid old-codger volunteers - yes six!!!! - and judging by the somewhat excessive warmth of their welcome to us today (!), I'm guessing that most days not many people make it up the stairs to their little mini-museum, to put it mildly!!!

Liphook's iconic Millennium Centre, where the town's Heritage Centre

is based, manned by six local "old codger" volunteers

But honestly, you know, Lois and I are just so busy these days, you would not believe! Even though we've been retired almost exactly 20 years, we wonder how ever we found the time to go to work, back in the day!

And this morning, we even had to find time to get a few food items at the local Sainsbury's and even, to fill our car up at the store's petrol station - what madness isn't it!

Busy busy busy!!!!

[Is that all you two "noggins" have done today, Colin - bought a few things and filled up with petrol at Sainsbury's and then picked up a couple of old leaflets? - Ed]

Well, no actually, seeing as how you're asking! We also had time for an afternoon in bed, not to mention doing some more planning for my 80th birthday later this month, would you believe! Both Lois and I are turning eighty this month, despite being, according to some reports, both "marvellous for our age" (!).

[Next time you say that, quote your sources, okay? Just saying! - Ed]

Our daughter Alison and husband Edward, who live with their 3 teenage offspring in nearby Churt, Surrey, will be treating us both to a meal at a Thai restaurant in Haslemere. 

(left) our daughter Alison, husband Edward, and their 3 teenage offspring, seen here 

on their recent skiing holiday in northern Sweden, and (right) Haslemere's iconic

"Sabai" Thai restaurant, where the family will be treating Lois and me to a birthday meal

Also, an email comes in from Milk'n'More dairies, who obviously somehow also know that my birthday is coming up, and they're even offering me a discount on some items, which is so sweet of them!!!

At the moment I'm thinking of going for a double helping of the 20%-off artisan bakery items, but your ideas welcome - postcards only, remember haha !!!!

Eighty eh, the big "eight-oh" !!!! Where did the years go?

Here's me with Lois at 60, on the day we both retired...

flashback to March 2006: (left) celebrating with Lois on the day I retired,

and (right) my former workplace, nestled peacefully in the Cotswold Hills - happy days!!!!

Fast forward to 2016, and I mean "fast"!!!!! 

The year 2016 and it's now my 70th birthday, on our holiday in Rutland, where I'm (right) sitting in front of another old ruin haha!!!!

flashback to 2016, and our holiday in Rutland, (left) by the River Welland, and (right)

me sitting next to another old ruin (!) - Stamford Castle, built by

William the Conqueror a few years after his 1066 invasion of England 

Happy days !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!