Friday July 24th 2026 "Friends, think twice before you pet that strange dog in the park! Just saying!!!!"

Yes, Friends, do YOU pet strangers' dogs when you're "going about your business"? 

Lots of us do, don't we! But it can be risky, as the lead story in today's Onion News makes clear, and in spades!!!!

Ouch!

And reading Bane's "profile" as a somewhat "bitey" dog this morning, brings a shudder of a smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, here in park-heavy Liphook, Hampshire - no question about that!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

Let me put my cards on the table at this point!

[I wish you wouldn't keep doing that, Colin! - Ed]

Lois and I are not really dog-lovers, we're more cat-people. However in the course of our long, and distinguished, married life of 54 years next month (would you believe!) we've managed to 'spawn' two daughters who grew up to marry dog-lovers, so over the last couple of decades, we've had to make some accommodations in respect of hobnobbing with dogs, to put it mildly!

flashback to August 1972: Lois and me, at the start of

our long and distinguished married life together

What madness, isn't it! And, just to rub it in, last night Lois and I got a nightmare call from our elder daughter Alison, who's reaching the end a 2-week holiday in Mallorca in the Spanish Balearic Islands with husband Edward and their 3 teenage kids. Alison wants us to go over, bright and early this morning, to the family's house in nearby Churt today, just over the county line in Surrey, to 'see to' their 2 pet dogs, Sika and Bjorn, and to stop them biting a plumber who's going to be arriving at the house at 9am today.

our daughter Alison, with lawyer-husband Edward and their 3 teenage kids,

currently on holiday in Mallorca, in the Spanish Balearic Islands

Alison and Edward's two Dutch dog-sitters have reported water dripping through the ceiling of the family's kitchen, and a local plumber, Phil, is due to arrive there at 9am this morning, and the family's two dogs are bound to take exception to him, Alison tells us. What madness (again) !!!!

To cover this sudden, unexpected, family emergency, Lois and I, one of Liphook's busiest retired couples (!), nevertheless decide to spend the morning at Alison's house, letting the plumber in at 9 o'clock, and then protecting him from the family's two pet dogs, and generally "trying to look busy", if only for the sake of our reputation locally (!).

us, at our daughter Alison's house in Churt, Surrey, this morning, keeping the 

family's two dogs from biting a plumber, having a scratch lunch, before

going home for another richly-deserved afternoon in bed

[You don't look very busy to me, Colin - just saying! - Ed]

Now, comfortably retired for 20 years, Lois and I are once again wondering, for the umpteenth time, "How did we ever find the time to go to work, back in the day?" !!!!

Alison and family are due to be flying into London's Heathrow Airport this afternoon, at the end of their Spanish holiday, and that's when the fur is going to start flying - that's for sure!

the route that our daughter Alison and family will be taking this afternoon

at the end of their 2-week holiday in Mallorca, in the Balearic Islands

Talking to local plumber Phil this morning, Lois and I establish that water had been coming out of the bathroom shower, through the  kitchen ceiling below and on to the kitchen table - Lois and I had noticed drops of water on the table before Phil the Plumber arrived, at 9 o'clock.

But who will pay for the damage? Will it be Alison and Edward, who are just renting the house temporarily while their real house is being extensively renovated? Or will it be their absentee Swedish landlord? Phil the Plumber says that the shower cubicle is faulty with an ill-fitting door that would easily allow water to escape onto the bathroom floor, and potentially through the ceiling down to the table in the kitchen.

a typical, incorrectly-installed shower door

Or, alternatively, were the Dutch dog-sitting couple to blame by irresponsibly directing the shower-head towards the door? Phil had noticed that it was angled that way - for what purpose, we don't know, because the dog-sitting couple have already flown back to Holland, which is a pity!

Your views welcome, however, especially if you've got a law degree in an Anglosphere country, or in Holland, or Sweden, even - but postcards only, needless to say !!!!!!

new lawyers graduating in (top left) UK, (top right) Canada,

(bottom left) Holland, and (bottom right) Sweden

[Is that all you two 'noggins' have done today, Colin - sat around in your daughter's garden, had a hasty lunch with elements bought at the local Spar, and then gone home for another afternoon in bed? - Ed]

Well, absolutely not, seeing as how you're interested! 

Known locally as Liphook's busiest retired couple, Lois and I also somehow found time today to read a bit of Lois's copy of "The Week", which gives a digest of the past week's events at home and abroad, and keep up with trends generally - and there's a real "doozy" of a trend featured today - turn to page 94 in YOUR copy haha!

Lois is on trend, in a way, because she gave up carrying a handbag around some years ago, although, unlike the modern Gen Z women, she has up-sized upwards rather than down-sized, which is interesting! 

It's an all-purpose "bag" and needs a real "woman grip" or a superhuman-grade "everything claw", just to lug it around! I'm not sure what she puts in it, but I can let you know if you're interested haha!!!

(left) me showcasing Lois's "everything bag", and (right) Lois, seen

sporting the bag during the recent visit of our daughter Sarah 

and family, who flew in from Perth, Australia for a 3-week break with us

Me? 

I'm an "old school", strictly "pockets" kind of a guy, an invention which I find indispensable as a "no fuss" way of carrying around my hanky, comb, coins, wallet and phone.

But what's in YOUR pockets, if you're a pocket-person, may I ask! And if a bag is "your bag" (no pun intended!), how big is your bag, and what exactly is in it? Or, if you're a Gen Z "girlie", what's in YOUR "girl grip" or "everything claw"?

Your answers welcome (again)! Just put them on your postcard with your legal "take" on the "shower leak" controversy, if you can squeeze them in, that is haha!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!!

Thursday July 23rd 2026 "Have YOU ever had to modify YOUR hair-style in a supermarket car park?"

Yes, Friends, have YOU ever had to modify YOUR hair style in a supermarket car park?

It's happened to most of us, at one time or another, hasn't it! And with good reason! There's even a story about it in today's Onion News, so check it out - see page 94 !!!

Kudos, that woman! And let's hope she finds that one of those large-hatted males, attracted by her "display", turns out to be "Mr Right", or at least "Mr Right-Enough-For-A-Month-or-Two", let's say!

And, certainly, reading about Platt's "parking nightmare" this morning, here in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, brings a wry smile to the normally-neutral faces of me and my wife Lois, no question about that!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

Today we have one of the fortnightly online meetings of the little "U3A Intermediate Danish For Old Codgers" group, which we jointly lead, "for our sins" (!), and parking problems even rear their ugly heads during our meeting today, which is a total surprise!!!!

flashback: me and Lois trying to control a recent typically rowdy

meeting of our U3A "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" Group 

Our group is currently reading a Danish murder mystery, "Judaskysset" (The Judas Kiss) by Danish writer Anna Grue, and yes, even the normally cool-headed Danes have their parking issues, would you believe, seemingly, would you believe!

The novel we're reading is all about a young Danish romance scammer, Jay, who operates by getting into bed with menopausal Danish female lottery-winners, before emptying their bank accounts, the little scamp!!!

a typical young Danish romance-scammer in bed with 

a menopausal female lottery-winner

But fun fact - even romance-scammers have problems with car-parking, now and again - and perhaps not enough attention has been paid to the issue (?). 

I wonder....!

Young Jay is anxious to get to know his latest victim, a menopausal Danish woman called Bente, and he is trying to engineer a first encounter with her outside the block of flats where she lives. However, he's currently being frustrated by Bente's fellow residents, who are objecting to Jay parking in their "residents-only" car park, which is annoying Jay no end!!!!

a typical Danish "residents only" car park sign, the picture

carrying an implied threat that your car may be 

towed away by a truck, which is intimidating to put it mildly!

Here's an extract from our current Danish novel, which I've translated into English, for your convenience! Jay has parked his car and then gone to the apartment block entrance to see if he catch his menopausal victim coming back from the shops and going into the building. While he's waiting, however, he turns round to see a couple of residents obviously angry about where he decided to park his car, in a "residents-only" spot, would you believe!

Poor Jay!!!

Yes, even romance-scammers can have problems, it seems, and today Jay has them "in spades", to put it mildly!!!! And - talking point - should apartment blocks for elderly people incorporate a few "scammers only" slots for people like Jay, who are only trying to do their jobs, when all is said and done haha!!!

I wonder.... (again!!!!!)......!

[That's enough whimsy! - Ed]

Well, our "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" group-members all have a jolly good laugh over that extract today, but there's another serious point here too, isn't there.

Are the Danes more fanatical than us laid-back Brits in enforcing societal rules? It's certainly been the experience of Lois and me during our many visits to Denmark.

flashback to 2017: Lois and me during one of our many visits

to "babysit" our 3 grandchildren, then living in Copenhagen,

during one of their parents' absences in Hong Kong

We have quite a discussion on this during our group meeting today, and googling the question we turn up some interesting points:

Fascinating stuff, isn't it !!!!

[If you say so! - Ed]

But your comments welcome - postcards only haha !!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!

Wednesday July 22nd 2026 "Friends, do YOU have an unforgiving boss who keeps you 'at it'? It's the pits, isn't it!"

Yes, Friends, do YOU have an unforgiving boss who keeps you 'at it', 9 to 5? 

Isn't it the worst? Luckily there are some more enlightened bosses these days who are bucking the trend, according to this morning's Onion News, which brings some comfort, to put it mildly!

Kudos, that man!

And, reading Billings' enlightened manifesto this morning brings a tearful smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, here in semi-idyllic Liphook, Hampshire,  - no doubt about that!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

We're suffering our own mini-breakdown ourselves this morning, due to being confined to our home, having been detailed to "stay in", for an important delivery from Royal Mail. Yes, the delivery is our 15-year-old rockstar grandson Isaac's present on the occasion of his forthcoming 16th birthday, the present ordered by his parents: our daughter Alison and her hotshot lawyer-husband Edward, currently on a well-earned holiday in Mallorca, in the Spanish Balearic Islands, would you believe!

our daughter Alison, who with husband, hotshot London lawyer Edward, is currently

on holiday in Mallorca with their 3 teenage kids: Josie, Rosalind and Isaac

Young Isaac's excitement at his approaching 16th birthday is perhaps tempered by anxiety - his boy-girl rock band New Horizon has had to appear this week without him, just over the county line in Surrey, at Guildford's iconic "Boileroom" venue, where internationally-known artists such as Ed Sheeran made their debuts long ago! 

Isaac assures us, however, that the band's first "Isaac-less" 'gig' went off without incident anyway, and that not many people were there in the audience, this being the first week of the school summer holidays, which is reassuring to hear! So that's all good haha!!!

(left) Isaac's boy-girl band New Horizon has had to appear this week

without group-leader Isaac, currently on holiday with his family in Mallorca,

and (right) the band seen here in happier times, with Isaac on vocals,

opening up this month's Haslemere Fringe Festival on the 'big stage'

Go Isaac !!!!

Meanwhile Lois and me, confined to our house here in Liphook, awaiting Isaac's crucial Royal Mail delivery this morning, make the best use of our time here, with some small victories in the house, and, as the crucial delivery comes around noon, there is no disruption to our afternoon in bed, for 'statutory nap-time', which is a nice bonus!

Yes, today is very much a productive day again, I can exclusively reveal! I manage to put back our crazy larder door onto its hinges with my 'killer' screwdriver (!), and Lois and I even manage somehow to find time to cram all our family-history data - like, a billion files and pictures, more probably (!) - onto a tiny memory stick, which means we can now safely 'de-commission' our obsolete desktop and two obsolete laptops, which is nice!

(left) me with my 'killer' screwdriver, a crucial aid in my putting our larden

door back on its hinges, where it belongs (!), and (right) the tiny memory stick

onto which Lois and I manage to cram, like, a billion files and pictures

from our family history studies - what a crazy world we live in !!!!

Yes, what a crazy world we live in !!!!!

These little triumphs, however, are balanced by a setback when ordering our groceries from Ocado, our usual source. I spend about 45 minutes inputting our order, and then find that the Ocado website (a) won't let me check out, and (b) won't let me empty my trolley and start again. Plus their stupid customer service chatbot isn't accepting queries at the moment, for unexplained reasons, leaving me with no choice but to abandon my "trolley", with 38 items in it, worth £100 (!!!!), and just order all the same things again from Ocado's bitter rival, Sainsbury's. 

And because my Ocado 'trolley' is a purely digital, I can't just, irresponsibly, dump it in a river, or lake, for example. My trolley is going to be there, polluting the internet for all time - what madness (again) !!!!!

some typical supermarket trollies dumped irresponsibly in some river,

can be cleared by supermarket staff, if with a lot of difficulty, whereas my trolley 

being purely digital, is doomed to pollute the internet for all time,

which is a pity - although I'm powerless to do anything about it!!!!

What a day of ups and downs, to put it mildly!!!!

And there are more ups and downs tonight as we watch a weird film about a Japanese woman, who loves calligraphy, which she thinks looks at its most beautiful when painted on her skin, so she gets her lovers to have a go on her with their brushes - what madness (again) !!!!

It's all about a Japanese woman, Nagiko, who acquires an early taste for "body-calligraphy" and poetry, and also for keeping a diary, modelled on the classic Japanese novel "The Pillow-Book of Sei Shonagon", diary of a medieval Japanese noblewoman.

Nagiko espouses her heroine's motto: "I am certain that there are two things in life which are dependable: the delights of the flesh, and the delights of literature. And I have had the good fortune to enjoy them both equally!"

It all goes wrong for young teenage Nagiko, however, after her parents cajole her into an arranged marriage, because, unfortunately, Nagiko's "arranged husband" refuses to take part in her body-painting shenanigans, calling them "trivial" and "a waste of time". What madness!!!!

young bride Nagiko - her 'arranged husband' calls her

body-painting shenanigans 'trivial' and 'a waste of time' - what madness!

As a result of her husband's attitude, Nagiko decides to dump him and fly away to colonial Hong Kong, where she meets a nice English boy - Jerome, or some-such name, who shares her tastes, or at least is ready to go along with them. 

Jerome can't understand Japanese characters and poetry, so Nagiko makes do on him with some English-language favourites like "The Quick Brown Fox.... etc etc", which is a good compromise, we think!

Nagiko's new "squeeze", Jerome, can't read Japanese characters,

so she substitutes some classic English phrases, which is nice!

We see the couple making a real mess writing on each other with paintbrushes in their newspaper-strewn bed and in their bedroom bathtub, in their Hong Kong apartment.

Lois and I can't help feeling sorry for the couple's long-suffering maid, however, who is constantly having to change their messy sheets and towels, and give them all a jolly good wash, to put it mildly!

Poor maid !!!!

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!!

Lois and I have never been tempted to go in for any of this body-calligraphy "malarkey", as we call it! We haven't got a maid, but we certainly wouldn't want to expose our poor washing-machine to all the consequent, repetitive work that this kind of hobby, of necessity, involves.  

Call us dyed-in-the-wool conservatives if you like - NO PUN INTENDED!!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!!