Wednesday September 30th 2026 "Do YOU know any 'retirees'? Or anybody who has ambitions in that direction? There's a lot of us about, you know haha !!!"

Yes, Friends, do YOU know any so-called 'retirees'? Or anybody who has ambitions in that direction, thinking into the future, maybe 10, 20, 30, 40... [All right, we get the idea! - Ed] ... years from now?

The press are currently full of stories about these lively "old codgers" and their crazy plans for the 'acres of spare time' looming seductively both ahead and to the side of them, which is nice! Onion News, for example, has a 'basinful' of them, just in this morning's edition - see page 94 !!!!

Well, I hope those stories have given YOU some ideas about "things to do" in YOUR years of leisure, which are probably beckoning at you seductively, whenever you have some of your more reflective moments!!!!

And the range of activities merely hinted at on the paper's iconic page 94 certainly bring a smile to the 'crinkly' faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in the semi-arboreal paradise of Liphook, Hampshire, that's for sure! 

As per usual, we're taking our near-daily walk over the 'hallowed turf' of East Hampshire Premier League 'giants', Liphook United, just as American Airlines Flight AAL80 from Dallas, Texas thunders overhead on its way up to London's Heathrow Airport, right on time, as always! 

Kudos, "American" !!!!!

my wife Lois and me this morning, as we take our near-daily walk over the

'hallowed turf' of Hampshire Premier League giants Liphook United,

as American Airlines Flight AAL80 thunders over our heads, which is nice!!!

Retirement stories are certainly in the air today, even in the Radio Times, would you believe (!), which this week carries a 2-page spread about ex-Monty Python's Flying Circus star Eric Idle's life in Provence in the south of France: Eric and wife Tanya seemingly took over a ruined French farmhouse 50 years ago, and have been thoroughly renovating it, which is mad!

And Idle hasn't been 'idle' since he moved to France (no pun intended!!!!) [Why did you say it then?! - Ed]. 

He's also somehow found the time to write a book about his life in France entitled "Idle in Provence: A Brief History of Thyme", which the magazine is reviewing this week. The book also details visits by his celebrity friends: pop stars like David Bowie and Beatle, George Harrison, to name but two, which is heart-warming!

(left) Ex-Monty Python star Eric Idle, and (right) photos of some of the many 

celebrity guests who have graced Idle's French estate: David Bowie and George Harrison

And the old 1970's "Monty Python" series, in which Idle starred with his four fellow co-conspirators - Graham Chapman, Terry Jones, John Cleese and Michael Palin - was certainly never short of celebrity admirers over the decades, we read, which is illuminating! 

The star-spangled list of celebrity Python fans includes: Orson Welles, Elvis Presley (who apparently called everyone 'squire' after seeing Idle's iconic "nudge nudge" sketch); also Harrison Ford, Paul Simon, David Bowie, Carrie Fisher, Robin Williams and various members of the Beatles, Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd and The Who. 

Many of these illustrious representatives of 'the Great and the Good' apparently gratefully accepted Idle's invitation to "drop in", and to take advantage of the anonymity of his life in the French village of Cotignac, amid "the total, and utter, indifference of the locals" (!).

Idle himself has also had his share of accolades over the years, we read, in the review in this week's Radio Times. In 2005, he was voted "the 21st funniest funny-man of all time" by fellow comedians. And his self-penned song "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life", is now officially 'the most frequently requested song ever' at UK funerals, which is a nice tribute!

And as a postscript, Idle told his Radio Times reviewer, Ed Greenby, that he'd like to be buried in Provence, "but only when I'm dead", which seems a sensible precaution (!). 

Kudos, Eric!!!

(top, centre) flashback to the iconic series "Lemming of the BDA", in which

Idle starred as maverick special dental investigator [Brian] Lemming, here solving the landmark

case of a rogue dentist (Terry Jones), and [below] Yours Truly in my iconic commemorative T-Shirt

10:00 Meanwhile, here in Liphook, Hampshire, Lois and I certainly don't have any trouble filling our retirement hours with so-called "leisure activities", to put it mildly! 

Our only question is, "How did we ever had the time to go to work, back in the day?", which is mad !!!!

flashback to 2006: my 60th birthday and the day we both retired -

little did we know what we were both letting ourselves in for !!!!

Certainly, today, we've got more than we want "on our plate", and next Monday's meeting of the U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, led by local retired schoolteacher Joe, is preying heavily on our minds currently - no surprise there! 

And Lois and I have another busy morning today (Wednesday), reading about the Fall of Troy after the 10-year Greek siege, thousands of years ago, around 1200 BC to be exact, as described by Roman poet Virgil. 

What madness, isn't it !!!!

my wife Lois and me at a kitchen table covered with our Latin books - what madness!!!

As poet Virgil memorably recounts in his epic poem, "The Aeneid", the Greeks spent 10 years besieging the city of Troy, seemingly with no hope of ever taking the city, until they came up  with a cunning plan - pretending to give up their siege and to sail home to Greece, while really just hiding on the nearby island of Tenedos, just out of sight of the Trojans.

(left) map showing the city of Troy, in present-day Turkey, with the

nearby offshore island of Tenedos, where (right) the Greek Army, after pretending

to give up their siege and sail home to Greece, secretly hid on the island, out of sight of the city

However, when they set sail, the Greeks also famously left behind them a massive Wooden Horse, placed just outside the city as an apparent offering to the Goddess Minerva, but mainly designed to intrigue the Trojans. 

The Greeks had anticipated that the curious Trojans would be bound to take the Wooden Horse through the gates into their city, for closer examination maybe (?) or perhaps just as a souvenir of the 10-year war (?). 

Unknown to the Trojans, however, the horse was secretly packed with Greek soldiers, ready to jump out when the Trojans least expected it.

(left) the huge Wooden Horse that the Greeks left behind when they pretended

to sail home to Greece, and (right) the Greek soldiers exiting the horse after the Trojans

had wheeled it into their city for closer examination, or as a "souvenir" maybe (?)

Luckily we don't have to speculate too much, because Roman poet Vergil tells us the whole story, and from the Trojan viewpoint, too, which is handy!

And Dear Reader, Lois and I would be grateful if you'd just take a little time to check our English translations, but only if you know Intermediate Latin - "No 'time-wasters' please!", as people say!

Oh, and postcards only,  needless to add!!!!

In this passage we see the Trojans' joy when they think the Greeks have at last given up the siege and  gone home.

Yes, at last the poor Trojans can step outside of their city after 10 years of being "cooped up" there, with only limited opportunities for having fun (!). At last, also, they're free to wander nostalgically, and to meditate with pleasure, for example, at the sight of the places where the Greeks had once had their encampments etc etc, now seemingly abandoned, chanting (in Latin) "We nailed it!!!" or something similar!

But we also see the Trojans' puzzlement at the huge Wooden Horse, that the Greeks seemingly forgot to take with them - a simple "packing error" perhaps? Lois and I often leave vital things at home when we go travelling: the charging plugs for our phones, for example, which is really annoying!!!!

The passages also give us a graphic sense of the Trojans' essential naivety, gaily wheeling the Wooden Horse into the city, seemingly innocent of the fact that it was packed with Greek soldiers hiding "in the stomach and very bowels" of the so-called ''Horse".

Later historians have tended to criticise this naivety on the part of the Trojans, claiming that they fatally missed some of the most obvious signs of the Greeks' trickery - the sound of giggling coming from inside the Horse, for example, an idea first suggested by US writer/historian Woody Allen. 

But what a crazy world they lived in, back in those far-off days!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz !!!!

Tuesday September 29th 2026 "Friends, are YOU 'under pressure' at the moment? Well, join the club haha!!!!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU feeling QUOTE UNQUOTE 'under pressure' at the moment. I think everybody in the country has got that feeling today! 

And as I watch people going past my window - neighbours and suchlike (!), they seem to look their normal selves, but as usual, our wonderful Press, led as always by the absolutely fantastic Onion News (!),  has the ability to get under our skins and tell us what we're really feeling and thinking about, unconsciously perhaps, which is brilliant!!!

Yes, take today's Onion News - please (!!!!), which is full of the real passions and stresses that you and I are experiencing today, so don't worry - it's all going on record for the historians of the future, whoever they may be !!!!

[Get on with it! - Ed]

Just feast your eyes on these "doozies"  from this morning's print edition, if you need proof !!!

And it's all a bit mad, but these stories actually bring a rare sob of sympathy to my wife Lois and me, here in the green, semi-paradise of Liphook, Hampshire this morning - no question about that !!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

Yes, I know what you're thinking! Lois and I DO look a bit "footloose and fancy free" in that picture (see above), but underneath the smiles, there's an extraordinary amount of pressure bubbling away, unseen - and Onion News's local "pressure department staff", who have their fingers well and truly on the pulse, have already been in the phone to us about that, would you believe! 

Be sure to pick up YOUR copy tomorrow if you want further details!

In the meantime, here's a quick digest of the pressures Lois and I are under currently! Number one, we're facing a U3A "meltdown", with meetings, during the next few days, of BOTH the local "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" group, which we run "for our sins" (!), AND the local "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, of which we're already prominent members, even though we've only recently joined it, which is mad!!!!

(left) Yours Truly, showcasing my well-thumbed copy of Gyldendals Danish-English 

dictionary, and (right) the 2 weighty Latin tomes that Lois and I are struggling

to read for local man Joe's "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group,

of which we're both the newest, and the most prominent members "for our sins" !!!!

[That doesn't sound like a lot of pressure to me, Colin! - Ed]

Well, if you're not yet convinced, add to the above some additional pressures today, which have been "bubbling" below the surface and have, today, suddenly become too enormous and earth-shaking to ignore, to put it mildly! Lawns have to be mown, vegetable beds have to be weeded, and meals have to be cooked - it's absolute mayhem, I tell you!!!

yet another busy day for us, with lawns to be mown, vegetable beds to be weeded,

and both lunch and dinner to be prepared, served, and eaten - busy busy busy!!!!

No wonder our neighbours have dubbed us "possibly Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple", and we're earning that unofficial, but immensely gratifying, title "in spades" today, no doubt about that!

[Signed statements please, Colin, countersigned by witnesses! - Ed]

Also, to make matters worse, Lois has got her annual "hearing aid" check-up today, for starters, at Liphook Eye Care, a local business which has "branched out" into Ear Care, as a "sideline". I want to suggest to them a new name for the business - Liphook Eye (and Ear) Care, which I think is absolutely brilliant, but Lois has told me that, on balance, it isn't as snappy as the existing name, so best not mention it to them, and also, it doesn't have the somewhat misleading "I Care" subtext (!), which is a pity!

Lois and me this morning at Liphook's flagship optician's Liphook Eye Care (above)

sandwiched between the stylish local "chippie" and the Top Chef Chinese takeaway:

with (below, bottom left) Lois making a follow-up appointment at Reception, whilst (right)

Yours Truly waits, phone in hand, to check our "availability". What madness!!!

They've fitted Lois with some new 'buds', she tells me after her "session", which sounds exciting! And they've also renewed her 'ear-wax protection', but she's got to put some olive oil in her ears twice a day for a week: this is to dissolve some of the existing wax before they "recalibrate" them next week.

They've also installed some sort of "app" in the hearing-aids, so that Lois can listen to music without it sounding "tinny", controlling the settings on her phone, would you believe!!

a typical "music app" that you can add to your hearing-aid to fight

the so-called "tinniness" effect - but what madness!!!

What a crazy world we live in! They've got so-called "apps" for everything these days! 

I myself have inherited my dear late mother's famous "long-distance hearing". She could hear a pin drop in Djakarta, she used to say - something of an exaggeration perhaps (?). But it means that I'm fortunately okay in the hearing department. However, I do suffer from what I call "slow brain function", especially when young people (or what I call 'young codgers (!)), are "mumbling", or talking too fast on TV, so I definitely need those subtitles, no question about that!!!!

I probably need just need  to find some relevant ''app" on my phone, maybe? 

But what will they be putting apps in next? People already have them in their so-called "smart" fridges, to tell them when they're running out of eggs, say, or "marge", even.

But there's another thing - Lois has to charge her hearing-aids up every night, of course, and, for comfort, she has to take them off every time we get into bed, both at night, and in the afternoons for "statutory nap-time", so there's quite a bit of shouting going on - and hence all the noises that our neighbours have been complaining about, which is annoying!

At least Lois's current hearing aids are much more 'petite' than her big old ones, and they're practically invisible, as you can see from these photos below. They're so petite now that I can't always tell if she's got them in or not - and, as a result, I sometimes find myself shouting inappropriately, when I could probably get away with my usual 'mumbling', which is a pity!

(left) some of Lois's early, relatively large, hearing aids, and (right) her current 'petite'

ones, here shown being charged up on her bedside table - what madness, isn't it!!!

Almost everything, literally, has to be "charged up" these days. It's just the modern world, though, isn't it!

Whatever next! They'll soon be routinely "unplugging" complete old codgers like Lois and me, and putting us "on charge" overnight, before too long. Mark my words!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!

Monday September 28th 2026 "Clothes - always a worry! Are YOU certain you're dressed appropriately for the day's duties?"

Yes Friends, just take a look in the mirror! Are you dressed in the right 'togs' for what you've got to do today? Clothes are a real nuisance, aren't they - they cause us trouble when they need a wash, or have had a wash, and they even cause us trouble when they're nice, even, which is mad!!!!

One thing's for certain - you can't keep CLOTHES - whether nasty or nice, out of the headlines, as you'll see from today's Onion News. Just turn to page 94  for Colin's pick of today's "doozies" on the clothing front !!!!

It's all madness when it comes down to it, isn't it! However, the stories bring an eery wink to the eye of me and my wife Lois today, here in semi-attractive Liphook, Hampshire, as we take our near-daily walk over the 'hallowed turf' of local Hampshire Premier League soccer heroes Liphook United - no question about that!

my wife Lois and me today, taking our near daily walk over the

'hallowed turf' of Hampshire Premier League giants, Liphook United

Certainly, much of the clothing that Lois and I have selected to wear for our walk today, has already been dubbed by our neighbours as "nothing to write home about", but there are few local residents to silently mock us as we proceed on our way this morning, so that's a comfort!

Lois always looks presentable, and she's got two separate sections in her wardrobe, one clearly labelled 'nice clothes' and the other 'casual clothes'. However, as for Yours Truly, well, I've got the self-same 2 sections in my wardrobe, but my labelling is poor, and in any case, all my clothes look decidedly 'casual', sadly, and even to call them 'casual' is actually a massive compliment! My mistake is that, on the rare occasions when I buy a new clothing item, I tend to 'wear it to death', so that it quickly looks just like all the clothes in my so-called 'casual' section, which is annoying!

examples of typical wardrobes - (left) organised, and (right) "messy" (!)

The worst thing, is that I feel I'm letting my family down, being distantly related to two of Hollywood's sharpest dressers, Richard Harris (Harry Potter's Dumbledore), and Rex Harrison (Professor Higgins in "My Fair Lady"), no less!!!

And if you're reading this blog, please please don't tell either Richard or Rex about my sloppy appearance - it will mortify them !!!

[I think you'll find they've both been 'pushing up the daisies' for several decades now, Colin. Just saying! - Ed]

Help is at hand, however, after Steve, my American brother-in-law, a couple of days ago sent me details of an article in the Guardian about the 1000-year-old Bayeux Tapestry, currently on display in the British Museum, on temporary loan from the French Government. 

Lois and I fondly remember seeing the tapestry ourselves, in France, during our 1996 holiday over there.

flashback to 1996: us in Normandy, on our first holiday without our increasingly

independent two teenage daughters, both now for the first time 'doing their own thing' (!)

The 230-feet long tapestry famously depicts the conquest of England by William the Conqueror, Duke of Normandy, but also has some helpful hints, along the way, about how to dress (and perhaps more importantly) how not to dress (!).

The above pictures show the English royalty at the time of the 11th century Norman invasion, with (left) Anglo-Saxon king, Edward the Confessor, and (right) Edward's chosen successor, Harold Godwinson. 

Note Edward's impressive crown, and what the article calls "the nifty stitching on his shins", and his fashionable bench, which was looking stylishly lion-headed and lion-footed. Harold (above, right), not to be outdone, is carrying a hawk - 'the medieval equivalent of a Birkin or a Rolex', as the article says, and he's also mounted on a real stallion, the equivalent of a Tesla or a Range Rover today, with a 'swanky saddle' that has the air of 'today's leather, heated seats' (!). 

Nice!

In this second pair of figures from the tapestry, both French this time, we have (left) Count Guy of Ponthieu, who was responsible for arresting Harold during an earlier visit to Normandy, and (right) Duke William of Normandy, who led the successful invasion of England in 1066, winning the Battle of Hastings, and becoming King of England after Harold's death at the battle.

Note not just Count Guy's impressive-looking axe, but also his 'pretty tunic and stripy tights' and his 'two-tone garters' - nice (again)! Could that be my own new look, perhaps? I wonder if they've got something like those tights and garters in British Home Stores (BHS), maybe?

[BHS went out of business years ago, several yeats after you last graced their menswear department, Colin! - Ed]

The Guardian article, however, suggests that the depiction of Guy in the tapestry was probably designed to make him look overly 'fancy' and perhaps even 'effeminate' - and I couldn't help noticing the somewhat camp-ish, limp hand placed on his hip. So perhaps not!

By contrast, Duke William of Normandy (above, right) is obviously meant by the tapestry-designers to be super-impressive. Note the unusual ribbons on his gold-bordered cloak, his double gold belt and spurs: all a sign that this was one continental Duke who was clearly going places, to put it mildly!!!

But wait, there's more - just look at these additional pictures from the tapestry: (1) Bishop Odo, Duke William's half-brother, who sponsored the tapestry in the first place, and (2) a surprise late entry in the tapestry, mysterious Englishwoman Aelfgyva [Who she? - Ed].

Bishop Odo on the black horse in the picture on the left (above) is pictured as particularly heroic, the article says, 'galloping onto the battlefield to rally the troops', accoutred in 'really fancy armour', looking strikingly different from all the other Normans.

Also he has the horse with the biggest genitals (ringed) - this is 'manspreading the medieval way', according to the article - but what madness !!! No wonder the Normans won the battle !!!!!

Also, above right, we see the depiction of mysterious Englishwoman Aelfgyva, who must presumably have been some sort of 'player' in the Norman invasion, although nobody knows for sure who she was. It's interesting that, in the tapestry, her cheek is being patted or pinched by a priest. And, in a couple of insets along the bottom hem of the tapestry, we see a naked man, possibly the priest, so perhaps Aelfgyva, figured in some long-forgotten sex scandal, experts believe.

But what a crazy world they live in, back in those far-off times!!!!

20:00 Well, Lois and I may not be as well-dressed as those Normans and Anglo-Saxons of old, but at least tonight we can show that at least we've got the odd nugget of knowledge in our 'noddles', which is some mild compensation!!!

Yes, you've guessed it! It's Monday night, and it's quiz night on BBC2, including our favourite TV quiz, Only Connect, which tests lateral thinking, which is nice!

 

(left) presenter Victoria Coren-Mitchell, and (right) tonight's two teams

Lois and I always like to pit our own wits against the teams, and we've particularly on form tonight, getting several answers to question that stump all 6 contestants, which is nice!

Here are a few examples - see how many of these 'doozies' YOU can answer!!!

First what would be a fourth element in this puzzling 'sequence'?

This stumped both teams, but Lois and I realised that there's potentially a sequence of missing pairs of vowels here: 'AE-rate', 'EI-derdown', 'IO-dine' - so, for the fourth element in the sequence we want something that you can stick the vowels 'OU' in front of, to form a proper word - try it and see!!!

Simples!!!!

How about this one?

Simples (again) because these are obviously cryptic crossword clues for "No", "Pain", "No", so what we need for the fourth element in the sequence is a cryptic crossword clue for "Gain". Make up your own one here haha! But once again, both teams are stumped by this one, while Lois and I keep yelling at them through the screen, to absolutely no avail !!!!

Finally, can YOU spot the connection between these 4 apparently unrelated clues?

Of course, these are the first part of the names of 4 top UK and/or Australian TV soap operas: Brookside, Eastenders, Coronation Street and Neighbours. "Too easy!" you'd think, but it stumps the team, while Lois and I can show we're still "at the top of our game", that's for sure!!!

Here's a final one:

Shame on you, teams, not knowing your way around Australian Prime Ministers - what madness, isn't it!!!! Once more, Lois and I know better, to put it mildly!!!!

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed, 'clever clogs' (!) - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzz!!!!!