Tuesday October 27th 2026 "Are YOU forever 'chasing rainbows? Or is that rainbow chasing YOU haha!!!"

Yes, Friends, it's all very well chasing rainbows, but when the rainbow starts chasing you, it's time to maybe find a new hobby, do you think haha! 

Certainly you might want to "re-think" the whole traditionally "friendly" image of the delightful, and colourful, rainbow, if you just look at this morning's Onion News, to put it mildly!!!!

Yikes, makes you think, doesn't it! But don't worry, these stories aren't really true, I must emphasise!

They both feature in the paper's popular "Leave Time For A Smile" column, and I think a bit of creative so-called "AI" may have played a part in creating those superficially scary photos - but that's just the crazy modern world for you, isn't it!

Nevertheless, these somewhat sensational "killer rainbow" headlines, and others similar (!), bring the hint of a wan smile to the chubby cheeks of me and my wife Lois today, here in semi-rural Liphook, Hampshire - that's a given!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

And we're "leaving time for a smile" today, because we've just had a nice afternoon in bed, for "statutory nap-time", which has recharged our batteries like nobody's business, as we always say!

I won't say we "overindulged" today, but I'll just say, that when we went to bed, around 2pm, there was a lovely "non-killer" (!) rainbow" to be seen from our bedroom window, and when we struggled out of bed, some hours later, there was a huge end-of-October "hunter's moon" to be seen, just rising in the eastern skies, which was nice!!!

(above) this afternoon's "non-killer rainbow", and a few hours later

a lovely "hunter's moon" to be seen from our bedroom window, which was nice!

"But, Colin, what's a 'hunter's moon'?", I hear you cry! Well, that nice Mr Google has the answer, if you're curious!

What a crazy planet we live on !!!!

However, to put your mind at rest (!), Lois and I have fully deserved our afternoon nap today, after another typically-busy, but nice morning, as we worked through our hectic schedule! 

an extract from our crazy end-of-October calendar: Thursday looks like

it's going to be a total nightmare, with two "to-dos" on the same day, which is mad!

And, if you're starting to "tut-tut", or even just got to the first part - just a single "tut" in planned series of 'tuts' maybe (!) -  may I remind you that our neighbours have dubbed Lois and me "possibly Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple", which is mad!

[Final warning: I want hard evidence of this statement, on my desk, before I "knock off" tonight! - Ed]

Well, if you want so-called "evidence", just look at this crazy account of our so-called "morning"! After a thorough check on the first signs of our neighbours Olly and Sarah's 2026 Halloween display, we also somehow find time to meet our daughter Alison for a relaxing lunch at Liphook's newest cafe, The Moon & Cous, and wind down for an hour or two, which proves to be a real life-saver, and an island of calm in our otherwise hectic day, which is nice!

our hectic morning: (above) we check on first signs of our neighbours Olly and Sarah's

2026 Halloween display, and (below) we somehow also find time to have lunch

with our daughter Alison, in Liphook's newest cafe, the Moon & Cous - busy busy busy!!!

Yes, busy, busy, busy!!!! And certainly, Lois and I have never been described as "cabbages" - we're unfortunately far too active to quality for that particular 'moniker', and in spades!!!

Nor have we ever been compared to "lettuces", unlike one of the UK's many former Prime Ministers, Liz Truss, according to a text we receive today from Steve, our American brother-in-law in Pennsylvania, who knows a lot more about what goes on in the UK than we do, which is mad! Liz famously resigned as Prime Minister in October 2022, after a mere 44 days in office - a UK record, as well as being a "personal worst" for poor Liz !!!!!

Steve says that Liz Truss is still smarting about a Daily Star competition about who would last longer - (a) Liz Truss in 10, Downing Street, or (b) a lettuce, which traditionally thought to have a shelf-life of around the same duration, which is mad!

And the short "shelf-life" of modern Prime Ministers is one of the subjects in tonight's "Heresies" programme on BBC Radio 4, an unscripted discussion between Jo Bunting, Phil Wang, and David Mitchell in front of a live studio audience, and refereed by presenter Victoria Coren Mitchell.

Introducing the topic, Victoria recounts how in a short space of time we had had Starmer, Sunak, Johnson and Truss, which, Victoria says, "sounds like a really terrible law firm" (!). But David Mitchell, who's been doing some research has found that many of the UK's very earliest Prime Ministers were only in office for 1 to 2 years: William Cavendish, George Grenville, John Stewart, William Petty and Pitt the Elder, for example.

Phil Wang, however, thinks that, although Liz Truss famously "only lasted as long as a lettuce", to him that was too long, declaring that we should possibly be aiming for the equivalent of foods with an even shorter life-span: milk or bread, for example. "I won't be happy," he says, "until we have our first avocado PM", and Lois and I know what he means!

milk, bread and avocado - a new model for UK Prime Ministers?

However, presenter Victoria thinks that if you could somehow combine, say, the "trustworthiness" of Boris Johnson, the "competence" of Liz Truss, and the "man-of-the-people-style likeability" of Rishi Sunak, with the "sheer charisma" of Keir Starmer, then maybe they would collectively make a really great Prime Minister. And Phil Wang agrees with this, although still stressing that the argument for electing a fridge-freezer might still remain the best option.

I wonder... !!!

Will this do?

[Oh just to to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!

Monday October 26th 2026 "The price of clean laundry? Eternal diligence, that's what I say haha!"

Yes, Friends, it's a pity, but we humans find that we have to wash our clothes periodically, which is a bore, but a necessary chore. And yet - and yet - science can give us "non-iron shirts", so why not "non-wash shirts", if I may be so bold as to pose the question, a wake-up call, if ever there was one to the UK's so-called "brainy" scientists and inventors!!! Get your finger out, guys, for all our sakes haha!!!!!

And that's Colin's "Thought for the Day" this chilly Monday - the weekday traditionally dubbed "washing day" for centuries, in our "green and pleasant land" (!!!). And please ignore that rather sensationalist story about the latest shocking theft from the Dorm Study Area! I understand our hard-working county police are on to the criminal mastermind responsible, so no worries there (!).

As per usual, since today is weekly "washing day" for, like, billions of Brits, Onion News has published its usual weekly Monday pull-out "Laundry Cut-out-and-throw away Colour Supplement", so why not rescue your copy from the kitchen waste, and take a quick "peek" - just saying!!!! But if you're short of time, here's "Colin's Pick of Today's Doozies" !!!!

It's all a bit mad, if I'm honest, and there should be more to life than the routine weekly wash, don't you think!!! 

Nevertheless Onion News's usual 'laundry' basket (!) of shocking clothes-washing stories brings a rosy smile to the cheery cheeks of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-hospitable Liphook, Hampshire, no question about that!!!

my wife Lois and me -  recent picture

With the days shortening, and the weather getting increasingly wet and windy, as we approach November, Lois and I recently invested in a Black & Decker Heated Clothes Airer, which has been sitting in our garage for a few days, waiting for Yours Truly to find the time to assemble it, but with my tight schedule that's proved awkward until today, when I "get off my backside" (in Lois's words (!)) and break it out of its packaging, so fair enough - as always, I tend to "come through" in the end, I find, so that's all good!!!!

[Get on with it! - Ed]

(left) Yours Truly "getting off his backside" (in Lois's words!) in the garage 

and assembling our shiny new Black & Decker heated clothes airer, and (right) Lois

debuting the airer this morning with a selection of my iconic tee-shirts, which is nice!

Yes this Monday is turning into yet another busy day for "possibly Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple", as we've been dubbed by neighbours, would you believe!!!!

However, assembling and debuting the heated airer "malarkey" is frankly, also, a bit of a welcome distraction for Lois and me, to be honest, because, once again, we're stuck in the house all day - and not just because of the awful weather, but also because Lois is expecting a call from Natalie, our NHS GP, to discuss some so-called "test results", if you please! 

(left) our local NHS Doctor's Surgery, and (right) our regular GP, Natalie

Luckily, Natalie's given us a so-called "time slot" which is supposed to "narrow things down a bit". 

Ha bloody ha! 

Because, unfortunately, we know only that Natalie's call will be "some time between 8am and 6:30pm", as she texted us on Saturday. Thanks, Natalie, that's a big help haha!  But what a madness it all is, isn't it!!!!!

Sometimes, when Natalie calls us, she calls us on our mobiles, and sometimes on what we call our ''landline', although it isn't really a landline, it's some kind of "internet phone working off 'wifi'", whatever that means!!! So Lois is having to keep two phones by her all day, even when we're in bed this afternoon, which is mad!

Lois today, having to carry 2 phones around with her, in case our NHS GP Natalie

calls us, even taking them to bed this afternoon for "statutory nap-time"

- what a madness it all is !!!!!

Natalie's call eventually comes through at 5:45pm, after we've been waiting for a mere 9 hours 45 minutes (!!!) -  but what's that between a doctor and his patients! 

Luckily, however, Natalie's a really lovely doctor - always eager to get our reactions to her medication suggestions, and, importantly, calling us by our Christian names, even though she's never met us, which is a nice touch. Lois and I have been fairly fortunate so far, and are both pretty healthy on the whole, with just the occasional, "old codger issues" of one sort or another, although we are getting a bit "long in the tooth" these days, so who knows how much more time our luck will hold out?

Yikes!!!!!

And phone calls to hear about "test results" are always a bit of a worry, when you get to our age! You see, Lois and I are classic "boomers", both born in 1946, which is mad! And as far as our bodies are concerned, all our "bits" have been around (and in almost constant use!!!) for quite a while now, to put it mildly!!! 

flashback to 1948: (left) Lois sitting on a bale of hay in the Oxfordshire countryside,

and (right) me and my baby sister Kathy, outside our house in Dover, Kent, with our dad,

 Ken, still in uniform after service in World War II. What a long time ago!!! Yikes !!!!!

However, on this occasion, after talking to Natalie today, I think Lois is probably going to be able to get away just with taking a follow-up test, and adding another bunch of pills to her daily "trayful" (!), so fingers crossed!!!

Thank goodness, in Natalie, we've got a GP who puts us immediately at our ease, because doctor-patient relationships can sometimes be a bit "fraught", to put it mildly!!!

However, the ability to put people at their ease is also a blessing when it comes to TV quizmasters, especially when they're introducing contenders who are just ordinary members of the public at the start of what's obviously going to be a nerve-wracking 30 minutes for them. 

Tonight it's "Quiz Night" on BBC2, and both the BBC's Clive Myrie (on "Mastermind") and Victoria Coren-Mitchell (on "Only Connect", which tests lateral thinking, show us exactly how it's done!

(left) TV's Clive Myrie showcasing the terrifying Mastermind "chair", where

contestants sit for their "grilling", and (right) TV's Victoria Coren-Mitchell, trying 

to put contestants at ease at the start of "Only Connect", which tests lateral thinking

This is how Clive does it:

Oops!!! Hold it right there, Clive! Perhaps not haha !!!!

Let's just see if Victoria Coren--Mitchell can do a better job than Clive, in her opening remarks on tonight's  edition of "Only Connect" !!!!

At the start of tonight's show, Victoria reads out a letter she's received from a viewer called Ray, in Lincoln, who's complaining that the current series of "Only Connect" is 18% longer than usual, something which Ray obviously doesn't like (!).

Oops!!! Perhaps not (again) !!!!!

And Lois are I are left wondering - would it perhaps be better to persuade our friendly local GP, Natalie, to take a job on BBC2, where she could put the contestants at their ease, without making such a song and dance about it?

I wonder......!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!!!

Sunday October 25th 2026 "Do YOUR friends secretly admire you for being 'good with worms' ?"

Yes, Friends, some of us have "got it", most haven't, sadly! And it's the ability to 'get up close and personal with the worms in your garden or house' that I'm talking about, as if you didn't know (!).

Well, it's October and 'worms' are big news again this year as they begin to 'bed down' for winter in your flower and vegetable beds - no pun intended!!!! Even Onion News is bringing out specially extended versions of its popular but brief, 3-page "pull-out" Worm News Colour Supplement, which speaks volumes!!! 

And here's "Colin's pick" of today's "dooziest of the dooziest" (!!!) of this week's "worm surprise blockbuster" stories, to put it mildly(!).

It's all a bit mad, if I'm honest! 

But these stories (and a thousand others!) at least bring a hint of a cheeky grin to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-attractive Liphook, Hampshire - and, believe me, there are no lingering doubts about that, that's for sure!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

And we're laughing because today, Steve, are American brother-in-law, has sent us first news of the date and place of next year's World Worm Charming Championships, to take place, on June 26th 2027, near Nantwich Cheshire, UK.

Demand for competitor tickets is bound to be strong, so, if you're planning to "throw your hat in the ring", book your place now! That's my advice!!!

Needless to say, Lois and I would dearly love to be there next June in Nantwich with our fellow worm-charmers - and Lois is said to be able to "charm the pants off any worm within charming distance", although not many people know that! However, looking at my diary, I just can't see how we'll be able to spare the time to compete: that particular Saturday in June is already "choc-a-bloc" with other duties and responsibilities, sad to say !!!!

Look at our diary for today, if you want proof: and I'll send you the 20-page file on request !!!!

09:00 Today starts badly for us, however, because, for possibly the first time ever, we forgot, last night, to put our clocks back an hour to so-called "British Winter Time" (BWT) as we dub the system that carries the more "official", but less colourful, label of what scientists call "Greenwich Mean Time.", which is mad!!! 

the sorry picture of European time-zones: sadly, only Portugal,

often dubbed "Britain's oldest ally", keeps in step with us, which is a pity!

Back in 2004, when Lois and I were still working, believe it or not (!), we had a crazy holiday in London, somehow finding the time to visit Greenwich, just to check out, for ourselves, just how "mean" Greenwich Mean Time was!!!! 

And not many people know that Greenwich, also, boasts the world's oldest shop, would you believe, as we discovered!

flashback to 2004: Lois and I visit Greenwich, on the Thames: (left) the pier, and (right)

me, clowning around, as per usual, in front of "the world's oldest shop", which is mad!

In Perth, Western Australia, however, where our daughter Sarah lives, with husband Francis and their 13-year-old twins Lily and Jessica, they don't go in for any of this crazy clock-changing "malarkey", so we send Sarah a hasty text to rearrange the time of our weekly catch-up zoom call with them.

Here's a map, which should explain everything! And it also pinpoints some of Australia's most iconic "corners". What a great idea! Possibly they're all "accident black spots", so very helpful to highlight these in advance. Motorists, beware!!!!

Why don't we have these so-called "corners" in the UK? (Andy Burnham please note haha!!!). 

Even Australia's so-called "Surveyor-General" has got his own personal one, but I suppose he's in the perfect job to "nobble" one of those for himself, arguably (!). But to this simple blogger, it smacks of corruption at the highest level, excuse me for saying that haha!!!!

09:30 Our zoom call with our daughter Sarah takes place, and it's a real "doozy", which is nice! 

The twins have half-finished their 2026 Halloween costumes that they're going to be trick-or-treating in, this year: they're going as huge jellyfish, with costumes made out of those transparent umbrellas, to which they'll be attaching various 'dangly' things to represent the tentacles etc. 

Although only half-finished, the costumes are modelled for us this morning by Sarah, while the twins are working on their next week "stats test", or some-such nonsense - the young scamps !!!!

our weekly "catch up" zoom call today with our daughter Sarah in Perth, Australia:

here Sarah models our twin granddaughters' half-finished Halloween costumes:

they'll be going as giant jellyfish - the young scamps!!!!

Eventually the twins tear themselves away from their 'stats' homework (!), and chat to us openly about their hopes and dreams for next Saturday - which is Halloween Night, of course.

Wisely, in our view, they've chosen residents of nearby suburb Eglinton as their "victims", eschewing their own immediate neighbourhood. 

"The houses here are too far apart and the driveways too long", they reason, and that makes perfect sense to Lois and me. After all, maximising the "tonnage of chocolates per square yard" (the dreaded TCPSY factor) is an important "life skill", as well as excellent preparation for their next week's stats test, Lois and I say!!!!

our 13-year-old twin granddaughters Lily and Jessica take a quick

break from their "stats" homework, to tell us their 2026 "trick or treat" strategy

The twins also got top marks in their class's recent "Japanese syllabary" test, which is nice to hear!

10:00 Our zoom call with Western Australia ends. 

However, strangely, as Lois and I discover today on Google, Western Australia and [the whole of] China are on exactly the same time-zone year-round, which is weird, especially when you think of the vastness of China, even including Taiwan, which is mad, because it's, like, way out in the Pacific Ocean according to our maps!!!!

And this weird fact is of more than just academic interest to Lois and me, because one of our other grandchildren, Isaac (16), is actually in China at the moment, on a school trip with a handful of his classmates, all planning to take Mandarin Chinese as one of their 3 A-Level subjects, with possibly a degree in Mandarin to maybe follow that - who knows! 

Isaac is the son of our other daughter Alison and husband Edward, and he attends the local high school here in Liphook.

flashback to August: our grandson Isaac's classmates

celebrating their GCSE results at the local high school

Isaac and his little group flew off from London's Heathrow Airport on Monday, arriving in some mad place in southern China called Xiamen or some-such nonsense (!), on either Monday (or Tuesday or Wednesday) depending on your time-zone (!)), and today he sends us his first pictures, the young scamp (!) 

Isaac's the one in the weird glasses in picture #1, by the way!

Lois and I feel strangely comforted, seeing these pictures, by the way, and are especially gratified to see in picture #3 (above), that the Chinese have thought of putting instructions in English on "how to take the elevator" - another "life-skill", that sadly has been squeezed off the curriculum in many of our cash-strapped schools and colleges. Andy Burnham please note haha !!!!

How useful and accurate these instructions are, however, is open to some doubt, in our view, when we see the following set of pictures, where, in picture #2, Isaac and one of his buddies have obviously decided, "Oh let's just take the stairs!" and then, later, clearly regretted their decision, which was a pity.

Poor Isaac !!!!

[That's enough grandchildren news! - Ed]

And I remember how confused I felt, when I first stepped out onto the streets of Tokyo for my study-year in Japan. Despite having a degree in Japanese, and having read, like, a billion, books from Japanese medieval classic literature, I still felt utterly bewildered seeing those forests of Japanese signs for the first time. 

Oh dear!!!!

flashback to 1970-1971: (left) me, on arrival in Tokyo, utterly confused by all the Japanese signs

that confronted me, and (right) Lois on her trip out to stay with me in March 1971

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!