Saturday June 6th 2026 "Friends, are YOU dissatisfied with your restaurant 'selfies'? Well, join the club!!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU often strangely dissatisfied with YOUR Instagram-style selfies of restaurant dining moments? A lot of us are, aren't we, but help is on the way, if we're to believe this morning's Onion News. Turn to page 94, all of you, and breathe a collective sigh of relief!!!! 

Kudos Greggs, ahead of the curve, as always!!! And reading the Onion story this morning here in semi-transparent Liphook, Hampshire this morning brings a half-bemused grin to the faces of me and my wife Lois, that's for sure!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

We're laughing because we know we're going to be spending some intimate moments in fitting-rooms this morning, as Lois, who turned 80 yesterday, intends to be picking out her 'extra birthday present' in the clothes shops of nearby Petersfield, just 11 miles south, down the A3 highway, which is nice!

Petersfield, its location marked by the red circle and arrow, 

has often been described as "a town in the middle of nowhere" (!)

Petersfield - it's a small town that most Brits have never heard of, and yet, as we discover on our shopping trip this morning, some famous faces have stayed here in the past - even Peter the Great (1672-1725) emperor of Russia, would you believe, which seems totally weird, not to mention also 17th century English monarch King Charles II, and 17th century diarist Samuel Pepys (1633-1703).

I showcase a blue plaque that Lois and I have never noticed before,

on our occasional shopping trips to nearby Petersfield, Hampshire

What madness, isn't it !!!!

Whether Peter the Great, either on his own, or with "squeeze" Elizabeth, later Empress of Russia, ever visited any of Petersfield's many clothes shops isn't made clear by the plaque, and, admittedly, Lois and I find it difficult to imagine Peter or Elizabeth in any of the fitting-rooms that we ourselves share some intimate moments in today, as Lois disrobes and tries on a series of dresses and also so-called 'cropped trousers' or 'pedal-pushers', to put it mildly!!!!

my wife Lois in me, in Petersfield's iconic "Edinburgh Woollen Mill" clothes shop

Unfortunately, Lois is handicapped, size-wise, by being only about 5'3" or thereabouts, and as clothes shops seem to regard today's tall young women as their main target customers, Lois finds that all the so-called 'cropped trousers' in the Edinburgh Woollen Mill's store actually come down to her ankles: so 'not very cropped' in other words, which is mad! In the end she decides she can turn up the light grey pair seen in the picture above, so all is well in the end, which is a comfort!

If Elizabeth, future Empress of Russia, ever did shop in the town's Edinburgh Woollen Mill or other clothing chains, Lois's problem definitely wouldn't have been an issue, no doubt about that!

And indeed the Empress, ironically, might have had the opposite problem - that the cropped trousers looked a bit like hot pants on her - because, you see, the Russian Empress was at least 5'11" or even taller according to some sources, well above average for the 17th century. And such garb as 'hot pants' might have been deemed 'inappropriate', or even indecent, in those crazy, straight-laced times, that's for sure!

I wonder.....!

Weirdly, however, history records that Empress Elizabeth, although born far too early to wear 'hot pants', was very proud of her legs and her figure generally, and found that the best way to showcase her figure was to dress as a man, which makes sense - women's dress in those far-off crazy days, tended to be  a bit on the bulky side to put it mildly!

a typical "metamorphoses ball" from Russia's imperial period

The men of the court hated these occasions, however, and you can see their point!

[That's enough about Russia! - Ed]

12:00 Armed with our purchases, Lois and I drive back home to Liphook in triumphant mood, if a bit exhausted, so we definitely need to recharge our batteries in bed this afternoon for 'statutory nap time'. 

And we finish this second day of celebration of Lois's 80th birthday, by putting on a birthday tea for ourselves and for our daughter Alison. Our son-in-law Edward is away supervising another Duke of Edinburgh Award weekend for local youngsters, so Alison just brings along two of the couple's teenage kids - Rosalind (17) and Isaac (15).

So, don't forget, when YOU turn 80, this is the way you do it - buy a dress and a pair of meant-to-be-cropped trousers which you can turn up, then go home, spend the afternoon in bed, and then enjoy a chocolate birthday cake with family before going back to bed again!

Simples, really isn't it, but there's your 'road-map' on a plate - something to 'cut out and keep', if you will! So store it somewhere safe, won't you haha!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!

Friday June 5th 2026 "Us 'old people' are getting younger all the time! Have YOU noticed!!!"

 Yes, Friends, take a look at YOUR elderly friends and relatives! Aren't they marvellous! And doing the most astonishing things! Just look at today's Onion News, and try NOT to look at the somewhat churlish comments from the paper's lightning survey of readers' views at the same time!!!

Meeowwwww!!!! Just jealous aren't they!!!! And reading the Onion News story this morning, here in semi-transparent Liphook, Hampshire, brings a delighted smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, no question about that!!!!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

Why are we laughing? Well, the clue is in the story's 'dateline' - June 5th 2026 - which is exactly 80 years after Lois "popped" triumphantly into this world in the the maternity wing of the Radcliffe Hospital, Oxford!

Yes, she's 80 years young today, which is something to celebrate, to put it mildly!

Tonight, we've been invited, by our daughter Alison and family to a celebratory oriental meal at the Miso Asia restaurant in nearby Petersfield, but before then Lois has chosen to look round the Rural Life Centre at nearby Tilford this morning, so it's going to be busy busy busy!!! But that's what life is like these days for us 'active seniors', so get used to it, before YOU get to 80, that's my advice!!!!

At Tilford, a special treat for Lois will be to look over an ancient relic, and I'm not talking about me, here haha!!! Lois spent the first 8 years or so of her life living in one of those post-war "prefabs", designed to solve the housing crisis that faced bombed-out Britain in the years following 1945. 

some early pictures of Lois around 1950 or thereabouts: (left) on the swing

outside her family's pre-fab, and (right) ringed, 'chewing the fat' and generally

'putting the post-WW2 world to rights', with some of her little friends - awwwwww!!!!

Lois has got such a good memory, compared to me, and she still vividly remembers the floor-plan of her parents' prefab in north Oxford, and it's with a faraway look in her eye that, with me following closely behind, she sees this 'restored' one at Tilford this morning, kitted out with furniture and appliances from the time, that's for sure!

Lois and I this morning at the Tilford Rural Life Centre, looking at restored 'prefab'

(prefabricated house) of the kind developed to solve the post-WW2 housing crisis

Other stuff at the centre commemorates the stationing in this area of our brave Canadian allies, who came to the aid of the 'mother country' in 1914 and again in 1939. It also commemorates the housing here of the brave Polish servicemen and also of the brave Polish families of refugees, who fled their homeland, either escaping the Nazis before 1945, or the Communists, after 1945.

an exhibit commemorating the Tweedsmuir Camp, where Polish 

refugee families fleeing communism were housed after 1945 -

a photo of one of these families is displayed in this window

Earlier, during World War II, after Poland was invaded and occupied by the Nazis, the Polish armed forces chose to continue the fight from Britain, and the exhibit commemorates their presence, also, in this area.

The exhibition makes a valiant attempt to illustrate graphically the activities of the Polish Armed Forces on the Allied side during the war, but it confuses Lois and me no end, even though we're both self-confessed 'history buffs' (!). But see if you can understand it!

It baffles us, we have to confess !!!!!

The happy result of the Polish refugees and servicemen settling in this area after the war, and after all the painful experiences that they had to go through, was that many young Polish children grew up here, and were educated at local schools. Many of their children and grandchildren are still around living in this part of Surrey today.

Fascinating stuff !

After strolling around the exhibition, and having a look at the quaint old signs and the amusing models of 19th to 20th century sheep etc (!), Lois and I have a celebratory birthday lunch at the centre's cafe and then go home for a well-earned celebratory afternoon in bed for 'celebratory nap-time', which is nice!

17:00 We struggle out of bed, because we're going to be picked up at 6pm by our son-in-law Edward, and whisked off to nearby Petersfield, where Edward is treating us to an oriental birthday meal, with our daughter Alison, and two of their 3 teenage kids, Rosalind (17) and Isaac (15) - Josie (19) being away up north on her first-year maths degree course at Durham University.

The restaurant on this Friday evening is absolutely 'rammed' as young people say today, and we think the waiter's astonishment to learn that Lois is as old as 80 is perfectly genuine - his best guess is "seventy maybe?" , the one that's the nearest to the mark, which is a nice touch!

20:30 Then, as a final surprise, when Alison drops Lois and me off at our home in Liphook, there's a bunch of flowers waiting for us on the doorstep, courtesy of our daughter Sarah, who lives in Perth, Australia with husband Francis and their 12-year-old twins Lily and Jessica. This is in addition to the set of 'scents' and 'smellies' that Lois received from Sarah by Royal Mail earlier today.

a nice bunch of flowers, sent by our other daughter Sarah,

which is waiting for us on our doorstep when we arrive home tonight

By coincidence, Sarah and Francis are also celebrating today, because it's their wedding anniversary, and the whole family went for dinner tonight in Perth's skyscraper revolving restaurant, the restaurant where, back in 2016, by another coincidence, Lois and I celebrated Lois's 70th birthday.

You do the maths haha!!!!

Will this do?

[Yes, yes, you can go to bed now! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!

Thursday June 4th 2026 "Do YOU know someone who's doing something weird today?"

Yes, Friends, do YOU know somebody, maybe a special friend or close relative, who's busy doing something weird today that you don't really understand the purpose of?

It happens from time to time, doesn't it, and there's a real "doozy" of an example on the front page of today's Onion News, to put it mildly!!!!

Poor Winfield!!!! This purely local guy, who just happens to live just across the street from Yours Truly, has a busy enough life already, without all that 'lawn-work' malarkey, if we're to believe our neighbours!

The story, however, brings a welcome, if vapid, smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in leafy Liphook, Hampshire, as we take our near-daily walk, which today takes us over the soggy, windswept "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes Liphook United, where we dodge the worst of the rain for a quick 'canoodle' (!) in team coach Matthew Grindle (59)'s so-called "management dug-out", no question about that!

Lois and me this morning, taking our near-daily walk, which takes us over

the rain and wind-affected 'hallowed turf' of local soccer heroes, Liphook United

And Winfield's purely local story is soon picked up by 'the nationals' - the Times and Telegraph etc, and, on an admittedly 'slow news' day, dominates the early morning headlines on the BBC's World Service, so kudos, that man - putting Liphook, and East Hampshire too, 'on the map', where it surely belongs, if there's any justice in the world, that's for sure!

[Stop 'wittering', Colin! - Ed]

Like area man Winfield, Lois and I, too, got up early today to make a start on our incredibly packed schedule on this, Lois's last day as a septuagenarian, if you can believe that!

Yes, unbelievably, Lois will be turning 80 tomorrow - you do the maths !!!!!

some early pictures of Lois in the late 1940's or thereabouts: (left) on the swing

outside her family's pre-fab, and (right) ringed, 'chewing the fat' and generally

'putting the post-WW2 world to rights', with some of her little friends - awwwwww!!!!

And as part of our preparation for 'the big day' tomorrow, as well as our near-daily walk (see above for the sordid details!), we somehow find time today to (1) go to Lois's local hair-stylist Anna's "Haircraft" salon for her pre-birthday "trim", (2) shoot over to nearby Haslemere to pick up some CookShop ready-meals for Saturday's "big tea", (3) get home in time for a delivery of the celebration groceries, and finally (4), pop round to our local dentist's surgery for Lois's second session with dental hygienist Lisa, who wants to perfect Lois's "birthday smile".

(above) Lois's session with her stylist Anna, (centre) for a pre-birthday "trim",

(centre) getting the 'celebration groceries' etc from Cook Shop in Haslemere and

a home-delivery from Ocado supermarket, and (below) our local dental surgery

for Lois's session with hygienist Lisa (left) and dental nurse Aryana

Busy busy busy!!! 

And the burning question is, once more, "How did we ever find time to go to work, back in the day?" !!!!!!!

The worst thing is that our afternoon in bed, for "statutory nap-time" is reduced, today, to a slender two hours, which is a pity, but that's the reality of life for busy pensioners in today's Britain, that's for sure!!!!!

At least pensioners get a more varied life than the UK's incredible stag-beetles, which is a comfort (!), as we learn from tonight's edition of Springwatch, the series which takes a seasonal look at the state of nature and wildlife in the UK, with the help of a team of presenters, led by Chris Packham and Michaela Strachan.

Stag beetles, we learn, are mainly confined to southern and south-eastern areas of the UK. They grow to an impressive 3 inches (7.5cm) in length, but they have to spend almost all of their lives in rotten wood, which must be annoying, to put it mildly!

one of tonight's "programme props" showcasing the 

life cycle of an average British stag beetle

Stag beetles spend years underground as larvae just 'poncing about', and then, when, as pupae, they finally hatch out, they only get to live in the real world for such a little time - a few weeks to a couple of months. And, to make it worse, their mandibles are, by now, so huge that they can't eat any more, so they have to live off any energy  they've managed to store before they hatch out. 

Poor stag beetles!!!!

So a life with no eating, then! Perhaps just as well, as eating would be a distraction, because the stag beetle's main job in his short life is now just to mate with a beetle of the opposite sex, and then die happy, if a bit hungry, so fair enough!

stag beetles mating - JD! (job done!!!)

For Welsh naturalist Iolo Williams, however, it's a dream come true, on tonight's programme, to see his first ever stag beetle - they aren't common outside the south and south-east of England.

And the normally talkative Iolo is almost reduced to silence by the sight of this three-inch 'monster', which is touching!

Awwww!!!!! Poor Iolo !!!!!! 

Still, they're together at last, Iolo plus his first-ever stag-beetle, and that's the main thing!

But what a crazy planet we live on !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!