Monday September 7th 2026 "Those crazy Japs, eh!! Always making us see things in a different light!!!"

Yes, Friends, what about those crazy Japs, eh! Always thinking "outside the box" with their fancy chopsticks and all!!! Simple knife and fork too 'conventional' for them, seemingly !!!

And for their latest crazy antics, check out your daily print version of Onion News, and you'll get your proof, if proof be needed!!

What madness, isn't it !!!! 

But these Onion stories at least bring an unhealthy glow to the cheeks of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in lovely, semi-industrial Liphook, Hampshire - no question about that!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

And we can't resist smiling today, because Josie, the eldest of our 5 grandchildren, turns 20 today, a pivotal moment, which is making Lois and me feel a bit like "a right pair of old codgers", that's for sure! "You know you must be old, when one of your grandchildren hits the big 'two-oh " - that's what Lois and I always say, but with an impish grin on our faces at the same time, so fair do's !!!! 

Here's the proof in black and white - with added new 'technicolour'!!!! - in pictures that Josie's 51-year-old mum, our daughter Alison, sends us later today from their temporary rental home just over the county line, in Churt, Surrey, which is nice!!!

for the eldest of our 5 grandchildren, Josie, it's the "Big Two-Oh" today,

which is making Lois and me feel a bit like a couple of 'old codgers', that's a given!!!!!

And the Japanese connection? 

Well, Josie's parents, our daughter Alison and husband Edward, will be treating young Josie to a Japanese sushi meal tonight at her fave restaurant, the Sticks'n'Sushi by Victoria Railway Station in bustling London, no less, and not for the first time, as these birthday pictures from way back in 2020 attest, when Josie was a mere 14-year-old !!!

flashback to September 2020: (left) Josie celebrating her 14th birthday

at the Sticks'n'Sushi by Victoria Station, London, with, also pictured, 

dad Edward, and siblings Rosalind (12) and Isaac (10) - awwwwwww,

how young they all looked, Edward included !!!!!!

My goodness - it's a busy day for Josie's family, and, by a complete coincidence it's also turning into a typically busy day for Yours Truly and for Lois too, no surprise there! It starts with an early visit by Josie's mum, our daughter Alison, who fills us in on the latest birthday news about Josie, and also picks up one of our mattresses for Josie's brother Isaac, who's currently having disturbed nights on his temporary air-bed, which "keeps deflating", according to reports, would you believe, which is mad!!!!!

Alison and family are currently 'between houses', if you please (!), and "all of a doodah", as they prepare to leave their temporary rental home in Churt, in order to return to their 'proper home', a crumbling Victorian mansion in Headley, as builders finish their 18 months of extensive renovation work on the property. Yes, it's 'all go' for all of us, today, that's for sure!!!

(left) our daughter Alison this morning, when she drops in to see us for a 'catch-up',

and (right) seen outside our house with Lois, loading a mattress into her car-boot

And no sooner has Alison left, with our mattress tucked safely in her car-boot, than, literally 10 minutes later, we have about 30 minutes to grab a scratch snack-lunch and then find ourselves having to drive the 3 miles over to Haslemere to attend, of all things, the first meeting in the new academic year of our friend Joe's local U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, which is mad too!!!!

the route that, after extensive research (!), Lois and I plan to take this morning

to attend our friend Joe's U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" class

What a crazy schedule it is for Joe's fortnightly class - 12:30 to 2:30pm (!!!!!!!!), and especially inconvenient for Lois and me, who are normally either in bed, or thinking about going to bed (!), during those 2 hours (!). 

However, help is at hand, because, as Joe explains during today's meeting, the somewhat eccentric timing for his classes is going to be abandoned after today. The mad timing was originally determined by being the only slot available at the nearby, freezing cold, Haslemere Methodist Church Hall, where all Joe's meetings used to be held in the past.

 

flashback to last winter: a typical meeting of Joe's "Intermediate Latin

for Old Codgers" group, at the freezing-cold Methodist Church Hall

in Haslemere, Surrey - brrrrrrrr!!!!

However, now that widower Joe has elected to hold all future group meetings at his own spacious, comfortably furnished, and heated, retirement flat, it's finally "Liberty Hall" as regards timing, which is a relief! And after a lengthy and, at times acrimonious, debate today (!), we all collectively agree to a more civilised time-slot of 11:30am to 13:30pm for future classes. 

And provisionally, Lois and I plan, on future class-days, to have a mid-morning snack at around 11am before we leave home, and then a quick bite when we get back, which should set us up for the afternoon, which is nice! But your suggestions welcome - postcards only haha!!!!

the scenes this afternoon at our friend Joe's first session of his U3A

"Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group for the new academic year,

held at his comfortable retirement flat in Haslemere, Surrey: a lengthy

and, at times acrimonious, debate on future class timings, followed

by a little bit of time to read a bit of Sallust and Virgil, which is nice!

Yes, in short, another crazy day!!!!

20:00 And the madness continues this evening, when Lois and I finally find space for a bit of "us time" on the sofa, watching one of our favourite TV quizzes, Only Connect, which tests lateral thinking.

And here's a real "doozy" for you from tonight's show! Can YOU spot the link between these 4 seemingly unrelated "things" ???

I think you've got this one already, haven't you? Thought so !!!! Yes, they're all descriptions of the so-called "mullet" hairstyle, and contestant Louise McMillan (see picture above), who also speaks Swedish, would you believe, gets the answer after only two clues, which is super-fast!

Presenter Victoria Coren-Mitchell accepts this answer, although quibbling about the term 'euphemism', which suggests that the much derided 'mullet' hair-style is something obscene or otherwise 'unacceptable in polite society', which Victoria denies, saying, "We love mullets on this show" (!), so that's all good!

"Kentucky Waterfall", it seems, is just an early term for the mullet hair style, and Bundesligahar stems from a Swedish footballer who sported the style, popularising it in Europe. And the band "Super Furry Animals" apparently had a single by the name "Ice Hockey Hair". 

[??? - Ed]

Presenter Victoria, however, has never heard of the fourth description of the style as: "Business At The Front, Party At The Back".

Oh dear!!!!

There's a happier ending to the show, however, when, by tradition, Victoria reads out her "letter of the week" from one of the show's thousands of dedicated viewers, which is always fascinating!

Oh dear (again) !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!!

Sunday September 6th 2026 - "Those 'Frenchies', eh! Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em !!!!"

Yes, Friends, those Frenchies', eh, our close neighbours to the south, if you ignore the English Channel, as many do!!!

Certainly you can't keep the French out of the news - that's one thing that's a 'given'! Take this morning's Onion News - I rest my case!!!!!

And all today's big 'Frenchie' stories bring a welcome, if somewhat wan (!), smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, as we sit in a little village hall just north of semi-exotic Petersfield, Hampshire, waiting for Lois's church's Sunday Morning Meeting to begin, no question about that!!!!

To our surprise, a elderly man called Bob approaches me and starts talking in French, would you believe! I assume he's having some kind of a stroke, or a seizure maybe, but it turns out that in an earlier existence he lived in France for 12 years (French: douze ans), and that he's anxious to talk to me, because he's heard that I "speak several languages" (!), which I do. But what madness!!!

(left) the little village hall just outside Petersfield, Hampshire, where Lois's

church holds its Sunday Morning Meetings, and (right) Lois and me

in the back row, just before being approached by a man called 'Bob' 

speaking French   - what madness, isn't it!!!!

Speaking personally, I'm not a member of Lois's church in Petersfield, but I can attest that they're a lovely bunch of people, although, if I have a criticism, it's that the church has, over the years, attracted far too many men called 'Bob'. It's got to the stage when, if I'm talking to a man there and can't quite remember his name, I call him 'Bob' to be on the safe side, and I'm usually right, so that's quite a useful pointer!!! 

Certainly the "Bobs to the square foot" indicator (BTTSF) is starting to raise alarms locally. The 'stats' don't lie haha!!!!

flashback to December: Lois's church's Christmas lunch at a pub in Emsworth,

where the number of "Bobs to the square foot" was reportedly at its height,

threatening to reach potentially dangerous levels (!)

It's time for the church to 'reach out' to more of the "non-Bobs" in our community, that's what I say! Sadly, however, I don't have time for a really long Frenchified 'natter' (French: une longue conversation) with this particular 'Bob' after the meeting, because Lois and I have to "dash off" - yet again!!! And no surprise there, because, in the little nearby town of Liphook, Hampshire where we live, neighbours have dubbed Lois and me 'possibly Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple', so fair enough!!!

First on mine and Lois's agenda this lunchtime, is to stop by our daughter Alison and husband Edward's temporary home in Churt, just over the county line in Surrey, to drop off a birthday gift to Alison, their eldest offspring, who's turning 20 tomorrow, would you believe! We've bought young Josie one of those mugs that stay hot all day (a bit like Yours Truly in last month's heatwaves!!!!. It's a mug of the type young people use today - what madness, isn't it!!!

And as Lois and I always say, you know you must be old when your eldest grandchild is no longer a teenager - that's for sure!!!! But what madness (again) !!!! Poor Alison is having a busy time herself today, as the family prepares to leave its temporary rental home in a week's time, and move back into their real home - a crumbling Victorian mansion, which has been under extensive renovation. Let's hope that at least all that scaffolding has come down, by the time they eventually move back in !!!!!

(left) my wife Lois with our daughter Alison today, when we drop off our granddaughter

Josie's 20th birthday present - Alison is busy today preparing for the family's departure

from their temporary rental home, and (right) the family's real home - crumbling Victorian

mansion in Headley, which has recently been under extensive renovation

But for Lois and me, there's no time to stay and chat with Alison, because we have to hurry home to Liphook for a 'quickie' lunch, followed by our weekly 'catch-up' video call with our other daughter, Sarah, who lives in Perth, Australia with husband Francis and their 13-year-old twins, Lily and Jessica. 

Busy busy busy!!!!

us this Sunday lunchtime talking on Lois's phone to our daughter Sarah,

and 13-year-old twins Jessica (centre) and Lily (right), 9000 miles away

in the suburb of Yanchep, just north of Perth, Western Australia - sob sob !!!!!

Lois and I have been particularly looking forward to this chat, to hear about the twins' intrepid 'camping trip' in the outback this last week with their new classmates from their private Anglican grammar school.

We're hoping that the trip will give our twin grandchildren the opportunity to really 'bond' with their new classmates for the first time. Sarah and Francis moved the twins to this school last year, but the two girls have had trouble 'connecting' with their classmates, who had already formed all their friendships over preceding years. 

I know exactly how they must have felt, because I myself had a childhood disrupted by frequent changes of school, and I know how difficult it can be to be accepted and to form friendships when you arrive as a complete outsider. Kids can be extremely 'cliquey', which is a pity!

(above) our brave twin granddaughters Lily and Jessica, arriving at 

their new school for the spring camping trip to the outback, hoping to finally

'bond' with all their new classmates, and (below) the Avon River Region,

80 miles due east of their home in the northern Perth suburb of Yanchep

And the news from the twins is really good, I'm pleased to say, and you could tell it in their voices, so confident and positive today, after a really fun week finally bonding with their new classmates and doing kayaking, zip wires and all that kind of 'malarkey', which is so nice for Lois and me to hear, you would not believe!

So, another busy day at the Colin-and-Lois house, that's what our neighbours are saying!

However, Lois and I have another side to us, that we're not hiding from our neighbours either! It's our 'cosmopolitan' side, where we often regale them with tales of our 3 years in the States in the early 1980's, would you believe!

flashback to 1984: Lois and me, with our two daughters Alison (9) and Sarah (7)

touring the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, and (right) me, cool as a cucumber,

driving our All-American car, with the steering wheel on the 'wrong' side (!)

And today we're spreading the word that we'll be glued to our TV set tonight, watching the planned documentary on Sky Documentaries about Canadian Lorne Michaels, who started America's biggest TV comedy show, way back in 1975.

And the comedy show in question is, of course, the famously controversial satirical weekly sketch show "Saturday Night Live", and tonight's documentary, we tell neighbours, looks set to be a real humdinger, and we plead with them, please, not to disturb us tonight with any footling phone-calls, no matter what the "emergency", which takes them aback, to put it mildly!!!

For Lois and me, Lorne surprisingly turns out to be "our kind of a guy", slightly introverted, quiet and doesn't like to chat for too long, a creature of habit, who always eats out everty night at the same New York restaurant, and always orders the same dish - what's-not to-like about a guy like that haha!!!

Lorne Michaels, Candadian-born producer of satirical sketch show

"Saturday Night Live" 'always eats at the same New York

restaurant, and always order the same thing  -

what's not to like about a guy like that haha!!!!

He's the show's producer, and he just quietly "does his job", because, although quiet, he knows what's funny and what isn't, which is his unique selling point, and it's made him the great survivor at an NBC network often uncomfortable with his show. Over the years numerous writers and cast-members have been fired by the network, but Lorne has kept his job, decade after decade, which is heart-warming!

He started all his early shows with a long-running gag "Bee Hospital", a maternity hospital, even though network executives ordered him to kill it because it just wasn't funny, they claimed.

Oh dear, so not a worker then !!!! Lorne, however, was determined to pursue the idea despite network opposition.

And he brought the bees back for the second show, a happier occasion when the baby turned out to be a 'worker', to Mr Bee's delight, followed by the third show where we see network executives telling the bees among the show's cast that they had to collect their things and move out. And then a fourth show where we see the bees receiving a reprieve, which was heart-warming, and the rest is history!

A simple note from the NBC hierarchy said it all - "More bees, please!"

So "Kudos, Lorne,  and hail to thee! You kept us out of war!" haha !!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!

Saturday September 5th 2026 "Friends, are YOU struggling to fill your so-called "free time" - it's a laugh a minute isn't it haha!!!!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU struggling to fill your so-called "free time", and to do it safely? It's a problem for many people in their leisure-affected hours, isn't it!

And if you don't believe me, take a glance at the headlines in this morning's Onion News, if you want "chapter and verse" !!!!!

What madness, isn't it!!! 

But for me and my wife Lois reading these stories in the sometimes-bustling and simultaneously-leafy little town of Liphook, Hampshire, it brings an ironic smile or two to our lips, as the two of us, dubbed Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple, duly fight our way through the crowds thronging the Saturday street market in nearby Petersfield this morning, no question about that!!!

The truth is that anxieties about 'how to fill our free time' isn't normally a luxury that Lois and I have, unfortunately! We should be so lucky, to be frank!!!

"Busy busy busy" - that's the order of the day, almost every day, and we struggle to find any free time at all, to be frank! Neighbours have described our little Honda Jazz as "slipping in and out of our driveway all day 'like a yoyo'" to quote their memorable phrase!

And this morning is a typical example of our frenetic life-style (!), as we shop in Petersfield, somehow finding time to stop for a quick cake'n'coffee at the walk-in coffee morning organised by Lois's church at its Winton House drop-in centre, before taking Lois's hearing-aids into the local Specsavers for "routine maintenance", and taking time to stop at the local CookShop to buy some ready meals for next weekend - we simply don't have time to prepare many of our meals any more, which is mad, given that we're both 80, although undoubtedly both "marvellous for our age" (!).

To top it all, you'll even find us 'hard at it' on the kitchen table too, later on, doing preparation for the next meeting of the local U3A group "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers", which we both belong to, "for our sins" (!!!!). 

(above) us this morning, somehow finding time to "drop in" at Lois's church's

"drop-in centre" [no pun intended!!!], for a quick coffee'n'cake - and (below)

us this afternoon, still "hard at it" doing our homework for Monday's

meeting of the U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, of which

we're both members - "for our sins" (!!!!!). What madness, isn't it !!!!!

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

Our big news today, however, is that after our Monday Latin lesson is over, i.e. as of 2:30pm Monday, Lois and I will suddenly find ourselves with three completely free days, would you believe!!! I know that this will sound totally incredible to anybody who knows us (!), but having previously earmarked Tuesday to Friday on our calendar this week with a pithy "Visit Lois's cousin Brian and family in Bournemouth", we get a text and a phone-call from Brian's wife Ruth asking us to put the visit off till maybe October: Ruth is currently suffering from leg problems, which are currently being treated, but a later visit will be more convenient for various reasons, so fair enough!

Lois was a 13-year-old bridesmaid at Brian and Ruth's wedding back in 1959, and 7 years ago we visited Bournemouth for the couple's diamond wedding. Happy days!!!!

(left) flashback to August 2019: Lois (leftmost) on diamond wedding day for Lois's cousin

Brian and Brian's wife Ruth, and (right) flash-even-further-back to the couple's

original wedding in 1959, where a 13-year-old Lois was a bridesmaid

So, suddenly finding ourselves totally free for 3 days, what will Lois and I do to "improve the shining hour" (!). Watch this space - we live in exciting times!!!!!

[I predict: later risings, earlier bed-times, more TV, and longer afternoons in bed for 'statutory nap-times' - but we'll see! - Ed]

20:00 Always looking for a chance to show our neighbours that Lois and I can relax on occasion, we've been spreading the word that tonight we'll definitely be not only "staying in" tonight, but also tuning into a re-run of Monty Python stalwart Michael Palin's mould-breaking, and revelatory, 1980 documentary "Confessions of a Trainspotter" on BBC4, which is something we've been very much looking forward to, to put it mildly!

The programme opens with an absolute downright "shocker" - Palin's first frank admission of his childhood addiction to jotting down, in a precious little "diary", the numbers of steam trains he manages to get sightings of, together with dates, times etc. What madness!!!!

In the following sequence, where Palin describes how he first fell into his sick habit, as an impressionable teenager, the BBC has obscured his face in a perhaps futile attempt to protect his identity:

Disgusting, isn't it !!!!!

Lois and I, however, can't help admiring Palin for his frankness and his willingness to finally "come clean" about his addiction after all these years. After all, in the last few decades, Palin wasn't the only man to fall victim to "trainspotter's disease", as it's been dubbed, and we hear from many other such addicts in tonight's programme, such as this outwardly respectable-looking, bespectacled middle-aged man hiding a dreadful secret:

It's sick, isn't it! And this second man, also middle-aged and superficially respectable, explains that he even carries a tape-recorder with him when he travels by train, would you believe - disgusting, isn't it!!!

Stomach-churning, isn't it! And, not for the first time, mine and Lois's reaction is to say, "It's their poor wives we feel sorry for !!!!!"

But what a sick world we live in !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!!!