Tuesday October 6th 2026 "Design first, THEN build - and always do it in that order, that's Colin's 'message of the day' !!!!"

Yes, Friends, one thing I've learned in my admittedly ''medium-to-longish" life is: design first, THEN build. If you do it the other way round it's bound to end in tears !!!!!

And "design" - good or bad - is always going to be 'news', isn't it! Take this morning's Onion News, and turn to page 94 in YOUR print edition if you want "chapter and verse", to put it mildly !!!!!

And that third-and-last example is a particularly dire example of a poor design, and thank goodness NASA engineers spoke up in time before, literally, like, billions of dollars was spent on young 6-year-old Bradley's "creation", even if did win the competition in this month's "Beano" comic, if you please (!). 

And this, even though the magazine had promised that the design would be guaranteed the honour of being the centre-point of NASA's next mission, apparently, mad though that may seem!

Six-year-olds Bradley Koenig and best friend Joshua, pictured here

working on their prize-winning spaceship design

Unfortunately, however, veteran NASA flight director Raymond Fletcher had some harsh words to say about the project, when he spoke to reporters at yesterday's press conference, claiming that young Bradley's proposed design was a QUOTE UNQUOTE "deathtrap". 

At last - thank goodness (!) - somebody's bringing a dose of reality to the fantasy-dominated world of space planning, and not before time!!!

However, these Onion stories - and others in the same vein, would you believe (!)  - bring a sardonic smile to the normally passive faces of me and my wife Lois, here in semi-idyllic Liphook, Hampshire this morning - no question about that!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

Certainly Lois and I are no strangers to the perils of "poor design", that's for sure! And this lunchtime, when the nice young engineer from local heating company HeatOn in nearby Basingstoke calls to give our central heating boiler its annual service, he finds that, for 30 minutes, he can't get the door of our boiler open, even, which is total madness!!!

Lois and I moved into this house back in January 2025, and we've gradually come to realise that our kitchen was designed mainly for its streamlined 'look', rather than its practicality in some instances, and as part of this, our gas central heating boiler had been crammed into a wall cupboard with little space for manoeuvre on either side.

flashback to October 2024: we first look round what was to be our new home,

in the company of our daughter Alison and young estate agent Richard

And this design 'snafu' was purely in the interests of the 'look' of the thing! Another case of 'sleekness' trumping 'practicality', which is sheer lunacy!

(left) the advert put out by our boiler servicing company HeatOn, and (right) my wife

Lois showcasing our boiler, "crazily crammed into a poky cupboard", as Lois puts it!!!

Our engineer from HeatOn, however, is today determined not to be beaten by boiler's design snafu, and, after some frantic calls to head office in Basingstoke, he calmly pulls a step-ladder out of his van, so he can reach more easily and get more "leverage", and eventually he manages to get the boiler door open, so that he can get on with his work, which is a relief!

10:30 It's half past ten, and today (Tuesday) is already turning into another crazy day for Lois and me, to put it mildly! 

And certainly somebody else round here is "determined not to be beaten", just like that young heating engineer from nearby Basingstoke, which is good! Step forward, my wife Lois, no less !!!!

 

Lois is currently suffering with back strain after a crazy night last week, but she's determined to take part, as normal, in her church's monthly online "Sisters Group Meeting" for female members of the meeting this morning. Eventually we decide that she should log on the meeting in our living-room, seated in her iconically super-comfortable IKEA "Bingsta" armchair with the tall back and the handy arm-rests. 

flashback to 2024, when we first purchased out iconic IKEA "Bingsta" armchair,

and Lois and I fought each other to have the pleasure of sitting in it, would you believe !!!

This morning, therefore, I bring the laptop down from our upstairs "home office", and I also give Lois a second side-table as a convenient additional "resource", to store her reference books, pills, tissues, earwax-removers, and also her favourite "Cotton Traders" Catalogue, entitled "Knit's Time to Bundle Up", full of alluring ideas for warm, but stylish, clothing for this coming winter, so she's all set and ready to go, which is nice!!!!

Let's hope that, whatever Lois decides to buy from the catalogue, it's designed well, unlike our central heating boiler (!), and that it's easy to get on and get off in a hurry, preferably without the need for a stepladder, for example, which would be more convenient !!!!

(left) Lois this morning, safely installed in our super-comfortable IKEA "Bingsta"

armchair, with TWO side-tables (!), accommodating all her "stuff", 

including the latest Cotton Traders Catalogue (ringed), and (right)

Yours Truly showcasing the current catalogue full of ideas for winter-wear

Well, we ARE into October now, so it's high time to think about kitting ourselves out for the cold weather to come, which will be even more of a shock than usual after our heatwave-plagued summer, that's for sure!!!!

some of Cotton Traders' latest designs - are YOU tempted by any of these "doozies" ?!!!!

So, suddenly, it's "Winter draws on!", in the words of the old joke!!!

20:00 Yes, all in all, today has been another crazy old day, coping with actual or potential "design faults", both with central heating arrangements and cardigans (!), so Lois and I decide to cap it all off with another crazy evening, listening to more of those crazy words catalogued in BBC Radio 4's "Unspeakable" series, hosted by comedian Phil Wang, and Susie Dent of the Oxford English Dictionary.

Certainly the English language has more than its fair share of "design faults", that's for sure!!!

Yes, English words are quite a problem, aren't they. First there's finding the right word, and then learning how to pronounce them correctly, as Lois and I discovered earlier today from our Facebook feed. 

Even menu choices can be problematic!

Getting the pronunciation right, however is just the first stage. Then, you have to get the spelling right, which is annoying!

In tonight's programme, comedienne Stevie Martin wants to ban EITHER the word  'stationary' (meaning "motionless") OR the word 'stationery' (meaning "pens, writing paper, envelopes etc"). Stevie says she doesn't mind which one of them goes, as long as there's only one of them left, and Lois and I can sympathise with this view!

comedienne Stevie Martin: wants to ban EITHER the word

"stationary" OR the word "stationery"

But how did our language get in this position, with these two words being pronounced the same, but spelt differently and meaning something different? It's just more madness, really, isn't it !!!

Susie Dent of the Oxford English Dictionary explains, however, that both these 2 words come from the Latin word "stationarius" which means 'standing'. Hundreds of years ago, booksellers tended to have a regular 'spot', where they would sell from, in contrast to the more itinerant sellers, who would move around, so booksellers were stationary - they stayed still. Later, however, booksellers started to sell pens, paper etc, but they continued to be called "stationers", and, finally, the language then extended that to 'stationery', for the things that these sellers sold, but giving it a slightly different spelling, to make it more obvious, at least in writing.

Susie Dent of the Oxford English Dictionary,

explains the origin of this notorious spelling 'snafu' in the English language

"Were these the only sellers who stayed in one place, while all the other merchants kept moving around?", objects Susie's co-presenter, Phil Wang, quite logically, Lois and I think,  "...for example, a butcher running round with sausages, carrying his little tables, and setting them up wherever there was a crowd?". 

Well, yes, apparently so, says Susie. Booksellers however, seemingly couldn't be bothered with that sort of "malarkey", but unfortunately in their lack of concern, they left us today with one of our bigger spelling problems to somehow try to cope with.

[That's enough crazy words! - Ed]

Fascinating stuff!

What madness!! And who knew???!!!!

What a crazy language we speak !!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!

Monday October 5th 2026 "Chairs - they can be useful if you want to sit on something, that's for sure!"

Chairs - so useful if you want to sit down, Friends, don't you think! And you might think, also, that we can never have enough of them around, particularly if you're a bit of an "old timer" like Yours Truly - no question about that!

And yet - and yet (!), today's press is full of the so-called Brookings Report, that suggests the opposite, a finding that we can have enough, which is mad! Did you catch today's Onion News with its shock report - see page 94 in your print edition !!!!

What madness!

However, the shock report brings a scornful 'scoff' kind of an expression, today, to the normally placid faces of me and my wife Lois today - that's for sure!!!!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

Chairs and seating are very much on our minds today, because Lois is still recuperating from a back strain last Thursday night, which means that Yours Truly is going to be travelling alone to the fortnightly meeting of local retired schoolteacher Joe's U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, due to take place as usual in Joe's spacious retirement flat, just over the county line, in Haslemere, Surrey. 

Our ten-strong group - 7 women and 3 men (including Joe) - all normally have 'their' chairs or 'their' sofas that they always sit on, but already there's been some sharp exchanges by email over the weekend, because group member Marcia is complaining that her chair is "lumpy" and she wants to swap chairs with somebody else, in order to get a more comfortable 'ride' during today's class. 

What madness, isn't it, and the debate has certainly 'set the cat among the pigeons' [Latin: feles inter columbas], to put it mildly!!!!

the scene at a recent meeting of local retired schoolteacher Joe's

"Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group

With Lois being "hors de combat" (i.e. out of action: Latin - "ad pugnandum inhabilis") I had been expecting to have "Colin and Lois's two-seater sofa" all to myself today, but I find myself, instead, having to be "the meat" in an awkward "man-sandwich", squirming hip to hip with Marcia up against my left side, and Brenda on my right, and eventually learning to synchronise our movements to avoid any major incident, which is probably for the best!

I was also worried that, from my position in the middle of this sofa "threesome", I might not be able to get up, to go to the loo, for example, without pressing down on the two women's heads, or shoulders, or other body-parts (!), but luckily I was able to stand up using leg-power alone, which was a wonderful embarrassment-saver, to put it mildly !!!

Apparently, the two women have apparently both had their eyes on what I think of as 'Colin and Lois's sofa' for several months, which makes for an unhelpfully emotionally-charged atmosphere this lunchtime, which is a pity! But somehow today our tight little 'threesome' (!) gets through the group's Latin set-texts, Sallust and Vergil, without any major incidents or serious injuries, screams, or slaps-in-the-face, so that's all good!

(left) Yours Truly showcasing one of the group's set texts, Roman writer

Sallust's "Catiline", and (right) a sample of the text with my "annotations" (!)

Speaking more generally, as a fully paid-up "old codger", retired now for 20 years, I find it weird, anyway, whenever my wife Lois isn't with me - we're normally in each other's "pockets", 24/7, so it feels funny to be on my own sometimes.

So today is a bit of an adventure for me, particularly doing the driving bit without Lois sitting there in the passenger seat, because normally every five minutes, I've got used to saying to her things like, "Anything coming from the left, sweetie?" or "Is this where we turn off?" and such-like. 

However, even though I'm very much having to  'fly solo' today, without Lois sitting there in the passenger-seat on my left, I'm pleased to report that I do the punishing 3-mile drive to Joe's flat without incident, even negotiating the notoriously tricky right-turn at the top of Church Road, which is certainly encouraging!

(above) the punishing 3 mile drive to Joe's retirement flat in Haslemere,

and (below) the dreaded right turn at the top of Church Road, where I'm always 

hoping for a rare gap in the traffic, as I signal to turn right - what madness, isn't it !!!!

[Bully for you, Colin (!) - Ed]

But what a day! 

Meanwhile poor Lois, however, continues to make progress with her back problem, luckily, and, fingers crossed, we're expecting she'll be fully back to normal in a couple of days, so that's all good!

And it's probably doing poor Lois the world of good today not to have to remember her Latin "declensions" and suchlike! However, Lois is a bit taken aback this evening when we turn on the radio to hear this week's programme in the "Unspeakable" series, presented by comedian Phil Wang, and Susie Dent of the Oxford English Dictionary, to put it mildly!

At the start of tonight's programme, whacky presenter Phil Wang actually introduces co-host Susie Dent as "the sultan of slang, the 'dauphin' of declensions", which she likes, saying that the French king who coined the term 'dauphin' (literally: dolphin) for whoever was his nominated successor, had a particular fondness for dolphins. She admitted, however, that she didn't know the implications of this for the popular menu item "dauphinoise potatoes", which appears to mean "dolphin-friendly potatoes".

Phil wonders whether any potatoes could really be "dolphin-unfriendly", but he theorises that you would just shove such potatoes "up your blow-hole", which makes sense to Lois and me!

Susie's "word of the week" this week is 'gelacin': a gelacin, we hear, is one of the dimples either side of your cheek, that accompany a beaming smile.

Gelasins are not to be confused with "the dimples of Venus", Susie stresses, which are "the dimples just above your buttocks", she tells lead presenter Phil Wang, which embarrasses him somewhat, to put it mildly - "I thought you hadn't noticed", he exclaims, somewhat hurt!

Irish broadcaster and comedian Ed Byrne, who's guesting on the show, tells us that his "word of the week" is "tilth" - i.e. soil after you've raked all the lumps out and it's all ready for planting something in. You can see that the verb "to till" is a component in it, he explains, but also the word sounds a bit like the word "filth" - suggesting that it's "soil so good, you want to have sex with it", which makes sense to us! 

Irish broadcaster and comedian Ed Byrne, who says "tilth"

means "soil so good, you want to have sex with it"

Fellow guest comedienne Stevie Martin reveals that her last name derives from the name, Mars, the god of war, while admitting, however, that if she were preparing for combat, as her battle-cry, she'd yell "Help!!!!", and then just 'shank them'. Lois and I don't know what that means, but it sounds terrifying to us, so probably would deter any assailant, which is presumably the point!

comedienne Stevie Martin - don't mess with her, or she'll

give you a good "shanking" - yikes !!!!

Third guest, Ian Smith, who hails from Goole, Yorkshire - "one of world's spookiest-sounding place-names" - says he has a favourite local dialect word from his neck of the woods, a "croggie", which means standing on the back of somebody's bike and getting a free ride. 

boy getting a "claggie", as they say in Yorkshire

It's apparently called a "backie" where Stevie comes from (Cheshire), or a "backer" where Ed comes from - Ireland. And Ian admits that those variations "make more sense than croggie", which is big of him! Susie explains that 'croggie' is derived from 'crossbar', with a familiar suffix like "dog" becoming "doggie", so fair enough, we say !!!!

Yorkshire comedian Ian Smith, who admits to giving into temptation,

and enjoying the occasional "croggie" with one of his intimates

When the guests are challenged to come up with their own made-up word that fills an annoying gap in the English language, Irishman Ed Byrne comes up with 'quaff-cranny'. And this private "neologism" of Ed's would describe any word that used to be in common usage, but which now is only used in very specific contexts.

Ironically, 'quaff-cranny' would itself be made up of two such words: 'to quaff' which used to mean just 'to drink', but now only refers to drinking wine; and 'cranny', which used to refer to any old crevice, is now just used "as a sidekick to a nook", as Byrne says, so that it's only ever heard now in the twosome phrase "nook and cranny", which is mad!

just two of the brave early attempts to explain 

the difference between a nook and a cranny

And whereas you might call a little alcove where you might sit reading, a "book-nook", you wouldn't ever dream of calling a place where your mother's mother sits, a "granny-cranny", Byrne reminds us. 

Smith, on the other hand, complains, justly we feel, about the word "riddance". It's only ever a case of "good riddance", he points out. If you're really missing somebody, can't you just moan, "Oh, this is just such bad riddance!" ?, he says, which is a fair point we think!

[That's enough silly words! - Ed]

Fascinating stuff!!!!

But what a crazy language we speak !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!

Sunday October 4th 2026 "Australia - still hanging on, down there, right at the bottom of our planet!!!!"

Yes, Friends, Australia - it's still "hanging on in there" at the very bottom of our planet, somewhat precariously perhaps, but one thing's for sure - you just can't keep Australia out of the papers! Look at today's "doozies" from Onion News's special "Australia Supplement", as proof of my, admittedly, some would say, rather wild statement!!!

Oops !!! I always thought it was a bit "dicey" trying to play tennis in Australia with all that sky underneath you - what madness!!!!

However, today's ration of whacky, "down under" stories certainly bring a remorseful gleam to the eyes of me and my wife Lois there this morning, here in semi-conductive Liphook, Hampshire - no question about that !!!!!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

We're very much stuck in the house again today, because poor Lois put her back out on Thursday night, so it's cheering, at lunchtime, to take our weekly Sunday video catch-up call with our daughter Sarah, who lives in Perth, Australia with husband Francis and their 13-year-old twins Lily and Jessica, and to hear about what they've been up to.

And, true to form, our "Aussie" grandchildren have been out again this weekend with their friends, north of Perth, at some place called Allara (?), swinging between the trees - the young scamps!!! 

Allara - it's kind of a weird name, isn't it, but it means 'sunlight' in the tongue of the indigenous Mooro tribe of the Whaddjuk-Noongar people, who made it their home 40,000 years ago, apparently, so fair enough! 

The Mooro tribe believe that the swamp there, at Allara, was created from the blood and meat of a crocodile's tail, after it walked back to the Swann River following a fight with a shark, which sounds unlikely, but then the Mooros ought to know - they were there first, long before the Brits arrived and started building their British-style bungalows (!), so, once again, "fair do's" and "fair play to the Mooros" haha !!!!

(above, left) Lois and me talking today to our little "Australian" family - our daughter

Sarah and 13-year-old twins Lily and Jessica, and (above, right) our two grandchildren

with their close friends Samara and Djanna, climbing trees in nearby Allara (below)

And it's nice for Lois and me to see pictures of those two young daredevils, our grandchildren, climbing trees, and generally "larking about", especially now that we ourselves are stuck indoors still!

However, Lois and I are hoping that we'll soon be "larking about" again ourselves, although whether we'll be swinging between the tree-tops, here in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, or just "swinging from the chandeliers" (!), remains to be seen! It might not be advisable at our advanced age, but we'll see! Lois is on less strong medication today, which is a good sign - exchanging the stronger "ibuprofen" for the milder "paracetamol" option. 

flashback to yesterday: me showcasing Lois's latest box of ibuprofen pain-killers

Yesterday Lois was very much shuffling about the house in nightie and dressing gown, and having to put up with the meals I prepared for us both, but today she's got dressed as normal. I think the deterrent of maybe another day of "cuisine Colin-style" has acted as a powerful incentive (!). And she's definitely much more mobile today than she was yesterday, so fingers crossed!!!!

Nevertheless, we don't yet know if Lois will be fit enough to go to our fortnightly Latin class tomorrow (Monday) - we're both members of local retired schoolteacher Joe's U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, "for our sins" (!). However, we're hoping for the best, and we spend some time today doing the homework, just in case, which makes for a nice diversion!

us today, doing our homework for our Latin class tomorrow with (left)

poor Lois in her iconic IKEA "Bingsta" armchair, where she's been

taking all her meals since putting her back out on Thursday night

It's also cheering for us today to get the latest pictures from my niece Lucy, who's been on her honeymoon with wife Rosanna, since their wedding in Ipswich a couple of weeks ago. 

We've seen pictures of the pair already in Brussels and Vienna, and today we see them frolicking in Rotterdam, Holland on the final leg of their trip, the young scamps!

the latest pictures of my niece Lucy, with blonde wife Rosanna, who are currently on

 a Eurorail honeymoon, taking in Brussels, Vienna and now Rotterdam (above)

But "Why Rotterdam, Colin?", I hear you cry!

Well, seeing as how you're interested, it's at least partly to do with Rosanna's background. She's of mixed Anglo-American heritage, with an English mother and an American father, who are currently living in the state of Missouri. And Rosanna traces the American side of her family back to a Germanic immigrant called Johann, who left Rotterdam on September 24th 1751, travelling to the then British colonies in North America.

The ship was called the Neptune, with captain John Mason, carrying 284 passengers, travelling across the Atlantic to the Americas, after a final stop at Cowes, Isle of Wight, just down the road from us here in Liphook, which is weird! Here's the original record of the voyage, in English and German: 

And by coincidence, tonight, while watching the latest programme in the current series of the Antiques Roadshow, we hear about a more recent traveller, who in a way, made a similar kind of a journey - from Germany via Belgium: first to London, and then to America.

You may have heard of him - Albert Einstein! Ring any bells? (!)

"Antiques Roadshow" is the weekly BBC1 Sunday night series presented by Fiona Bruce, in which members of the public come along, to some local stately home or castle, bringing family heirlooms and other relics from their attics etc, to have them commented on, and valued, by experts in the field.

In tonight's episode, from Caerphilly Castle in South Wales, one local couple has presented programme expert Justin Croft with a tattered envelope which intrigues him, and he's just got to look inside it, the young rascal (!). 

On closer inspection, the envelope is found to contain a letter from Albert Einstein, in German, addressed to a Mrs Varney of Earls Court, London, which is weird!

It turns out to be a personal, thank-you letter from Einstein to the local man's great-aunt, who ran a boarding-house in Earls Court, London, thanking her for his stay there, on his way to the States. The boarding-house was effectively a "safe house", the man says, during the risky time when Einstein was transiting from Belgium to the US, to take up a job offer from Princeton University. 

And as programme expert Justin Croft comments, this was an important moment, not just in Einstein's career but historically as well. In 1933 Einstein was escaping from the Nazis, aware that, essentially, there was a price on his head, and that he could never go back to Germany. And en route to America, while in London, Einstein made a passionate speech at the Albert Hall, with other scientists and politicians, underlining to the public and to the Government, the threat to the free world posed by the Nazis.

Einstein had also been to see Winston Churchill, then out of office, to impress on Churchill that something had to be done about the threat from Germany. And the letter brought along by a local man to tonight's Antiques Roadshow also makes special mention of a sympathetic British MP, a Cdr Locker-Lampson, who had been instrumental in helping Einstein to escape from Germany. 

So why has this local man from Caerphilly in South Wales got this letter from Einstein in his possession? 

Well, it turns out that Cdr Locker-Hampson MP, who had helped Einstein escape, had a housekeeper, who was this local Caerphilly man's great-aunt - the "Mrs Varney" that the letter is addressed to. And the letter has, since, just been handed down in the man's family, but has never been published. But what a gem!

And, incidentally, what a woman that Mrs Varney herself was too, the housekeeper, to put it mildly! She didn't come up with any relativity theories, but she was a real mean "biker chick", and she could certainly "rock" the traditional biker "gear", even back in the 1930's, which was an unexpected twist!

Kudos, Mrs Varney!!!

Fascinating stuff, though, isn't it!

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!