Monday May 4th 2026 "Have YOU ever been on a date with somebody REALLY old? It's more fun than you think haha!!!"

Yes, Friends, dates with an old 'relic' are constantly being offered at 'retro' auctions these days, aren't they! And there's one coming up very soon, according to Onion News, so check your bank balance - it could be the date of a lifetime, or the date of an 'era', or a 'period' even haha !!!!

An auction worth a 'bid' or two, isn't it! And, if you win, there'll be plenty to talk about on your 'date' - like, 66 million years of Earth events to catch up on, so clear your diary, and tell your family not to wait up for you haha!!!

And reading the Sotheby's story this morning, here in semi-Crustaceous Liphook, Hampshire, this morning, brings a smile to the rosy cheeks of me and my wife Lois, to put it mildly!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

We're used to going on dates with 'old relics' - i.e. each other (!), no question about that! But we don't have to take part in an auction to do that! Nobody else wants to date us, which is a comfort, to put it mildly!!!! 

Not so in the case of our son-in-law Edward's 'big boss', however, who recently won an auction for a luxurious spa weekend in Dorset, and invited Edward and our daughter Alison to join him and a few trusted work-colleagues to go along with him this last weekend, which was generous. And today we see some pictures of their complementary boat trip, sailing out of Poole Harbour and into the English Channel around the Isle of Wight.

Alison and Edward came back yesterday, suitably refreshed and pampered from their luxury spa break, but then had to 'come back down to earth' with a bang, having to work their socks on clearing out another greenhouse on their property - a crumbling Victorian mansion currently being 'refurbished' by builders. 

What madness!!!!

our daughter Alison and husband Edward's luxurious spa weekend and boat trip,

ending with having to 'work their socks off' clearing out an old greenhouse, would you believe!!!

Poor Alison and Edward !!!!!

By contrast to their 'luxury' weekend, however, Lois and I, Alison's old mum and dad (!), have to work our own socks off, without the benefit of any spa treatments, which is a shame! 

As usual, we don't have a minute's rest today, watering and weeding our tiny garden, going to bed for statutory afternoon nap time, and planning for our other daughter Sarah's visit to us, with her family, when they fly into London's Heathrow Airport from Perth, Australia next month. Busy busy busy!!!

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

for us, it's been just another 'busy busy busy' weekend, which is mad!

After a lot of closely-fought marital debate, we decide to order another 'Bingsta' armchair from IKEA, to expand our seating capacity, in case all 6 of us - ourselves, plus Sarah, husband Francis and their 12-year-old twin daughters, want to sit down together in our tiny living-room during their visit (!). 

flashback  to 2022: our little 'Australian family' - our daughter Sarah, 

husband Francis and their twin daughters Lily and Jessica, sailing their

boat around the estuary of the Swan River, with Perth's skyline in the distance

Also today, Lois and I order, like, a billion other things online, including a spongey mattress-topper to save poor Francis's back at night next month - poor Francis!!!! 

And if that weren't enough, somehow we even find time to email an application to join the local Liphook Heritage Society for Old Fuddy-Duddies, as well as writing a letter of complaint to our GP surgery over their slow, and confusing, prescription service, would you believe - typical 'old codger' stuff, I know !!!!!

But how did we ever find the time to go to work, back in the day!!!! [You lazy so-and-so's, Colin! - Ed]

flashback to March 2006 - my 60th birthday, the day we both retired

- little did we know how busy life was suddenly going to become !!!!!

Busy as we are, however, we can't match the record of fellow-retiree and Maggie Thatcher's old Cabinet Minister, Michael Portillo, who's continuing to showcase his celebrity travelogue railway journeys, sometimes in more than country at a time - working his socks off, both for the BBC and for Channel Five, which must help his bank balance! But how long before he meets himself coming back the other way, we ask ourselves!!!!!

Poor Michael !!!! Off to South Korea, now, when he only just finished a 15 part series on Japan three days ago! What madness, isn't it !!!!!

Starting his South Korean journeys at the DMZ, the demilitarised zone bordering the communist North, Michael drops in on the BBC's radio service to North Korea. 

With no independent media allowed inside North Korea, the BBC World Service, based in Seoul, broadcasts Korean language radio programmes, which, despite being banned by the regime in the North, can be secretly received in the north. Unlike TV and internet, reception of a radio programme can't be detected by the authorities up there.

In tonight's programme, Michael talks to Woongbee Lee, the station's news editor.

Michael asks Woongbee about the history of the BBC World Service in Korea, which in fact only goes back less than 10 years.

The BBC can't however, just give the North Koreans the news straight, like they would to an audience in the UK.

Lois and I hadn't realised that, given that the North Koreans have lacked any solid, impartial information about the world for the incredible time period of 70 years plus, it means that the BBC have to explain a lot of extremely basic facts about world events. Because they're talking to an audience that has been living a fantasy life, in total ignorance of realities for such an incredibly long period of time.

And tonight, after talking to a brave North Korean refugee dissident, and then returning to the bustling streets of Seoul, Michael makes this impassioned statement from his own perspective:

Kudos, Michael! And let's never forget how lucky we are, here in the UK, when so much of the world is under the thumb of power-crazed billionaires, who stifle dissent and regard themselves as being above the law, mainly interested in making money for themselves, for their families and for their 'cronies' !

Come back, Keir Starmer, all is forgiven haha!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!

Sunday May 3rd 2026 "Those Swedes again, 'boxing clever', while thinking OUTSIDE the box!!!"

Yes, Friends, did you read about what those forward-thinking Swedes are doing now, with their 'sustainability' mania?  It was all over page 94 of the Onion News this morning - here's a quick digest!!!!

Kudos, those Swedes! It's a win-win situation, isn't it, because although in theory, it's not good for Finland, they could do the same with Russia, which, surprisingly perhaps, is right on the Finns' own doorstep, if you consult any reputable atlas!

And my wife Lois and I are wondering if we can do the same as the Swedes, sourcing our own electricity from our neighbours' unguarded wall socket, you know, the one in old Olly's carport, cutting our electricity bills, and, at the same time, doing our bit for the 'ecology' that people seem so concerned about these days!!!!

I wonder.....!!!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

And the idea brings many a smile to our faces this morning, when I drive Lois to her church's Sunday Morning Meeting at a village hall outside nearby Petersfield. And after the meeting we get the chance to discuss the story with fellow-church-member Grahame, who's just back from one of his 'jaunts' to Finland, to see his friend there, which is nice!

my wife Lois and me at her church's Sunday Morning Meeting today

It's nice today, after the meeting, to discuss Finland and its language with archaeologist friend Grahame, bringing into the frame the iconic Finnish epic poem the Kalevala, which we know something about. And I think it cheers Grahame up a bit to talk to us, because he's had a lot of car trouble in the last week, bursting two tyres at once, all because of a pothole on one of the disgustingly poorly-maintained country roads that you encounter in these parts, when all Grahame was trying to do was to get to a local poetry evening dedicated to Victorian poet, Rudyard Kipling, no less, if you please!!!!

flashback to last summer, when Grahame (in the blue shirt) took a group of 

church-members, including us, on a tour of the nearby ruined Roman town of Silchester

Grahame's in his seventies, but all his life he's remained unmarried, perhaps wedded too much to his twin loves of poetry and archaeology (?) - Lois and I aren't sure! If Grahame regrets his bachelor existence at all, however, he'll have got some comfort from that long Finnish poem the Kalevala, as it's all about other men who have trouble finding a woman, and having trouble "in spades", to put it mildly!

Poor Ilmarinen!!! 

Ending up with an all-metallic replacement-wife, for his pains!!! And poor what's-his-name, the other one, too!!! Although he doesn't sound like much of a 'catch' for any woman, to be fair!!!

typical Finnish women, getting themselves ready in the sauna, 

preparing to celebrate Kalevala Day (February 28th)

Grahame's chief love is archaeology, however, which is probably the best comfort available, even if you have got a metallic wife! And this week, Grahame will be on his travels again, going up to Carlisle, near the Scottish border, to advise on the excavations currently going on there, digging up the Roman Emperor Severus's winter palace just outside the city.

A noted writer on things archaeological, Grahame is a friend of TV's Raksha Dave, and also TV's Alice Roberts. He's told us that the BBC, however, refused to pay for his teeth to be fixed, although they made an exception for Alice, which was probably a bit galling for him. I know that Lois and me would be well and truly 'galled' if faced with that kind of situation, that's for sure!

(left)  Grahame: the BBC refused to pay for Grahame's dental treatment 

although they paid for rival archaeologist Prof Alice Roberts' dental work - 

see her lovely smile-to-camera, as she digs up a Roman villa at Kettering (right)

13:30 In short, today is turning into yet another busy-busy-busy day for Lois and me, even though we've now been retired for 20 years, would you believe! How did we ever find the time to go to work, back in the day!!!!

After getting home from the meeting, and after barely managing to squeeze in a hurried lunch (!), we find ourselves at last able enjoy a lovely zoom catch-up call with our daughter Sarah, who lives 9000 miles away, in Perth, Australia, with husband Francis and their 12-year-old twins Lily and Jessica, which is nice!

flashback to 2024: we treat Sarah and family to a farewell lunch in Alcester UK,

before they fly off from Heathrow Airport to start a new life in Perth, Australia

We're not sure where young Lily gets her athletic prowess from - not from Lois and me, that's for sure!!! A first-year student at their local grammar school, Lily excelled herself again this past week during the school's cross-country run, beaten to the finishing line only by a bunch of girls from the older years - what madness!!!!

(above) our weekly catch-up zoom call today with our daughter Sarah and

family, and (below) the cross-country race at the twins' new grammar school

For Lois and me it brings back memories of Lily's epic run back in 2023 or thereabouts, when halfway through the race, she remembered she'd left hat back at the starting line, and so she went back to fetch it. Fighting her way back through the 'pack', she still managed to finish a creditable third.

Kudos, Lily!

And strange to think that our two 'Aussie' granddaughters, now on the brink of being teenagers, will probably in a few years' time each be dating and eventually marrying some Aussie guy or other, and let's hope it's easier for them than for those Finnish women in the Kalevala, fingers crossed!!!

20:00 Dating and mating - it doesn't always run smoothly, however, even in the animal world, as we find out tonight on the last programme in 99-year-old naturalist David Attenborough's latest series, "Secret Garden" on BBC1, all about the fascinating wildlife on our own doorsteps, almost literally!

Nesting in this Scottish garden is a female barn owl whose mate "disappeared" a year or two ago, probably telling her he was "just off to see a man about a dog" or some such nonsense (!), and the poor female has been having to do without him for a while.

In tonight's programme, that errant male barn owl "comes sauntering back", expecting to be able to just pick up where he left off with his clearly disgruntled female, but she gives him the finger (not literally!), which she was certainly entitled to do!

The male persists, however, because technically it's still the breeding season - he's obviously checked his Barn Owl Calendar before making his approach!!!

To "smooth things over with her", however, the male barn owl brings his ex-mate a series of rodents - voles and mice etc, you know the kind of thing!

However, it's not until the pile of mangled rodents in the nest reaches about 20, or double figures anyway (!), does she finally let him mount her, although the soundtrack of muffled squawks suggests she's enjoying it anyway. Let's hope so!!!!

Bingo !!!!

Lois and I, however, can't help feeling a bit sorry for the pile of dead rodents, who sacrificed their lives for the owl couple's few seconds of muffled screeching.

Poor rodents !!!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!c