Wednesday April 1st 2026 "Are YOU a fan of TV dramas? Don't they just drive you totally nuts?!!!!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU a fan of TV dramas? Have they taken over your life?!!!!

We can't live with them, can't live without them, can we !!!! And it's hard to those miss those heart-stopping "season finales",  if you want to live a really fulfilling life, that is - haha!!!!

Onion News has more......

Ooh - spooky !!!!!

And reading this story this morning here in leafy, semi-translucent Liphook, Hampshire brings a sympathetic smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, as we 'toil' for another half-morning of gardening this week - the second such morning this week, would you believe, which is mad!!!!

my wife Lois and me this morning, toiling for the second half-morning this week,

(above) me mowing and Lois weeding under the front window, and (below)

Lois talking me through the finer points of her work today, which is nice!

"Black gardens, black gardens" - that confounded TV series is all some people talk about (!), and Lois and I have thought of writing to the BBC and suggesting a series called "Messy gardens" which, we think, could steal some of the viewers back from Netflix or whatever. 

Nobody at "the Beeb" has taken up our suggestion as yet, but watch this space!!!!

[I'm not holding my breath on that one! - Ed]

It's been a bit of a week of toil all round this week for Lois and me, but there have also been some more pleasurable moments - it was nice to get a video call from my little sister Jill in Ipswich this week and hear about her travel plans and about the doings of our three nieces, Zoe, Maria and Lucy, with Lucy fine-tuning the arrangements for her wedding in the autumn. 

my 'little sister' Jill (68) with her three daughters Zoe, Maria and Lucy

Lois and I are planning to visit Jill in May and sample the delights of Ipswich for ourselves, and Jill is now promising us a side-trip to Norwich, a city which Lois and I have driven through, but without stopping - wisely, some would say (only joking!!!!!).

To us, Norwich is mainly famous for its local radio DJ Alan Partridge (Steve Coogan). And also famous for Partridge's heart-warming TV series where Partridge and a group of volunteers visit a local resident with mental-health issues, Gillian, and, make a start on "decluttering" her troubled mind, by "decluttering" her house and garden. 

Radio Norwich DJ Alan Partridge (Steve Coogan)

And all this good work is, of course, done in Gillian's absence (!) - to give her a nice surprise on her return. Remember that series? In this case Gillian is away on a coach trip, and neighbours have lent Partridge, and his team, a spare key, so that they can do their generous work in total confidentiality, which is a nice touch!

As I remember, Partridge and his team had to work pretty fast - it was just a two-day, 48 hour coach trip 'getaway', so no time to lose, to put it mildly !!!

And the results were certainly impressive, as I remember. Just check out these astonishing 'before' and 'after' pictures!

Before (left)...and after (right)!!!

And what a lovely surprise was awaiting Gillian on her return from that weekend coach holiday break!!!

Fabulous television, wasn't it! And one thing's for sure - they don't make series like that any more do they!!! [Something to be thankful for there, possibly? - Ed]

21:00 You probably noticed that a key element in Partridge's team of volunteers for doing up that house in Norwich was that gang of warm-hearted painters, who, for no charge, stripped off all that woman's horrible old wallpaper, replacing it with a simple white finish.

And, by coincidence tonight, Lois and I select a documentary about an oldy-worldy painter from the past, a whole different era! You may have heard of him - step forward Italian painter, Sandro Botticelli, creator of 'The Birth of Venus', no less !!!!

The programme proves to be a fascinating study of Botticelli's ground-breaking painting, The Birth of Venus, featuring the goddess rising out of the waters, and the programme's experts point out many things that Lois and I either didn't know or hadn't noticed, about the painting, which is nice!

Venus's nudity was immediately shocking to Botticelli's 16th century contemporaries, but for a slightly peculiar reason - it was shocking because it wasn't a religious painting. Weirdly, nudity was okay if you were painting something religious - Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, for example, but not okay otherwise, which is mad!

nudity was considered okay in paintings, but only if they were religious ones, 

which is mad! See above - Albrecht Durer's painting "Adam and Eve" (1507)

But how anatomically correct were Botticelli's nude figures? Critics have pointed to Venus's weirdly out of proportion left shoulder and arm, also criticising anomalies on the nymph, who, with her current "squeeze", seems to be doing a 'fly-by' around Venus, to get a closer look - that nymph's legs look as if they belong to somebody else, which is mad too!

(left) Venus, her left shoulder and arm slightly out of proportion,

and (right) a nymph with legs that seem to belong to somebody else

- what madness !!!!!

Certainly, Venus's nudity isn't exactly innocent, the programme's experts tell us, but it isn't exactly erotic either. It's about sex, yes, but specifically sex for procreation. Venus is coming up on the island to procreate, and Botticelli has deliberately given Venus what, at the time, was thought to be the ideal female body for procreation. 

Despite the somewhat lack of proportionality to Venus's left shoulder and arm, which conveniently allows her to cover her crotch without too much of a strain (!), Botticelli's Venus's body was the perfect body to impregnate, according to the views of the time - neither too thin nor too fat, and with long arms and legs. And the 16th century orthodoxy said also that the woman to be impregnated should ideally have long hair, and, for best results, also plucked eyebrows, would you believe - what madness, wasn't it!!!! 

That's taking the apparent "checklist" too far, we think!

What a crazy world they lived in, back in those far-off days!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!

Tuesday March 31st 2026 "Are YOU 'feeling your age', this week? Well, relax, and join the party!!!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU 'feeling your age' this week? Well, relax, there's a new place in town where you can go and 'drown your sorrows' and chat to others with similar problems, according to today's local Onion News for East Hampshire! See page 94 for details, or just check out my handy dandy summary right herein front of your nose, if you're feeling unexpectedly tired today !!!! 

Poor forty-somethings!!!!

My wife Lois and I don't have those problems, I'm glad to say! What with Yours Truly having hit the big "eight oh!" this week, and Lois getting ready to cross the same bridge in a couple of months' time, we're more than qualified to say "Been there, done that!", to put it mildly!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

Lois and I are, however, certainly feeling those (combined!) almost 160 years ourselves today, having taken our first serious venture into gardening after the long winter! Lois has been doing some weeding and I have been finally managing to mow almost half of our tiny back garden, here in rural, semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, that's for sure. 

Lois, as always, puts in the better performance with her allocated 2 hours of weeding, while I waste most of my 2 hour 'slot' just trying to get our lawnmower to start - what madness!!!! I even have to hunt out, and consult, my 50-page instruction booklet with its microscopic font and its laconic instructions, written in, like, billions of languages - more probably! Eventually, however, I get my show on the road and do a little bit of mowing before it's time for our lunch and afternoon nap, which comes of something of a relief! 

(above) Lois gets going with her first post-winter weeding, while I skulk indoors

researching how to start the lawnmower, eventually (below) having time to

mow about 80% of our tiny back-garden before it's time for lunch - what madness!!!!

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

Other "old codges" are doing better than us, we know - even the long-time, fully paid-up octogenarians, seemingly! 

Today we see pictures from Jo Ann, one of our old friends from our three years in America in the early 1980's, taken near her home, at one of the recent "No Kings!" rallies that people have been staging over there. 

flashback to 1984: Lois and me, with our two daughters Alison (9) and Sarah (7)

touring the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, and (right) me, cool as a cucumber,

driving our All-American car, with the steering wheel on the 'wrong' side (!)

Jo Ann is actually even older than us. I remember that, during our time in America - 1982-85 - Jo Ann was celebrating her 40th birthday, when Lois and I were a mere 37 or 38 or so, and I remember thinking "Jo Ann forty? Gosh, that's really old!!!".

pictures of a local "No Kings!" rally taken by our American friend Jo Ann

It seems that, after 250 years, a lot of Americans don't want to go back to having a king, Jo Ann says.

However, if they change their minds, I can recommend that they don't have a king like Richard II, whom Lois and I hear about in tonight's programme in historian Simon Schama's fascinating "History of Britain" series on the BBC4 channel, to put it mildly!

Richard II (1377-1399) was almost the epitome of the sort of king all countries should avoid having, if they possibly can!

Richard II (1377-1399) - the sort of king that no country 

should be forced to put up with!

Late in his reign, in 1394, Richard decided to go on a rampage against all the barons who'd annoyed him during his first 17 years on the throne. He brutally disposed of all the leaders of the so-called "merciless Parliament" of the previous decade. The Earl of Arundel was executed, the Earl of Warwick was exiled, and the Duke of Gloucester, Richard's own uncle, was murdered, smothered in his bed on the King's orders.

All Richard's old scores had been settled at last, and you'd think, presenter Schama tells us, that Richard would now be able to contain his sense of triumph over his enemies, but no, apparently!

So take warning, America! And if you do decide to have a king, for heaven's sake get somebody nicer than Richard !!!! 

Eventually Parliament forced Richard to resign, which was a relief to all concerned, to put it mildly! Most of tonight's programme, however, is taken up by the plague, the Black Death which swept across Asia and Europe in the 14th century, killing what's estimated to be 50% of the population.

The ironic thing about the Black Death, however, is that, in England at least, it helped to end serfdom and to advance the cause of democracy. Because of the acute labour shortage, the country was forced to treat the surviving workforce with proper respect, and to pay them decent wages, also granting them full civic status for the first time.

Fascinating stuff, isn't it!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!

Monday March 30th 2026 "Friends, do YOU live next door to an ocean? Well, lucky you haha!!!"

Yes, Friends, do YOU live next door to one of the world's ocean? Well, if so, you might want to check out this frightening story in this morning's Onion News! 

Just saying !!!!!

Kudos, that ocean!!!

And if you think the story seems a little far-fetched, and you're scratching your head while reading this, don't worry! The story comes from the paper's popular "Leave Time For A Smile" column, see page 94 of the print edition! So it's merely the figment of the imagination of some local, hard-working, so-called "comedy journalist", which is a relief!

It's certainly amusing, however, as a story, even if it isn't strictly true (!), and it doesn't fail to bring a wry, if slightly jagged, smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, here in rural, semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, to put it mildly. 

We're actually busy taking our near-daily walk, which this morning takes us over the mud-affected turf of nearby Old Man Lowsley's Farm, which is nice!

flashback to this morning: my wife Lois and me, taking our near-daily

4000-step walk through nearby, mud-affected, Old Man Lowsley's Farm

Water, and oceans in general, are certainly very much on our minds today.

In contrast, a very real story about the ocean has, by coincidence, grabbed Lois's attention today, from our copy of "The Week" magazine - the magazine which gives a digest of the week's news from home and abroad, and which "plopped" through our letterbox just last Friday, would you believe!

And yes, you've guessed it - Lois's "hackles" have been very justifiably raised, by yet another story of a woman scientist who made a ground-breaking discovery, but who - guess what! - has been left out of the history books, in favour of her less insightful male colleague! 

What madness!

(left) Yours Truly, showcasing our copy of "The Week" magazine, and (right)

the shocking article which has, justifiably, raised Lois's hackles a bit today

Yes, it was actually a woman, Columbia University oceanographer Marie Tharpe, who, back in the 1950's, working in her own living-room on the available data, first mapped the Atlantic Ocean, with all its underwater ridges, valleys, trenches, gullies and rifts, although - predictably perhaps - the credit went to her male colleague Bruce Heezen. 

At the time, the "orthodoxy" in the world of oceanography, was that oceans was that all the earth's land, being rock, the fundament on which we live, were structurally static. 

Tharpe was one of the oceanographic heretics of the period, a so-called "drifter", as opposed to the more orthodox "fixers", who dominated the science. She had realised that, whether dry land or land under the sea, all land was essentially mobile, and volatile. Initially, however, she had to keep her views secret - in those crazy, far-off days, you could actually be fired for being a "drifter". What madness wasn't it! 

the map of the North Atlantic Ocean, showing the now-famous

Atlantic Ridge, published by Columbia University in 1957

Tharpe's view, that there was such a thing as the now famous "Atlantic Ridge" (see picture above), was initially dismissed in academic circles as "girl talk". And although eventually she managed to convince her male colleague Heezen, it wasn't enough to get her into the history books, however, and Heezen has generally got all the credit - what madness!!!!

20:00 So, in brief, despite the fact that we've been officially "retired" for exactly 20 years, today has been yet another busy day for Lois and me - no surprise there! How did we ever find the time to go to work, back in the day - it's totally crazy!!!!

(left) in the course of another busy Monday, I somehow find the time to get my 

first bite of Lois's home-made custard-affected apple-and-mincemeat tart, 

which I first got wind of a few days ago - see picture (right). Yum yum !!!!!

No peace for the wicked!!!! Not only do we have the 52 pages of "The Week" magazine to somehow "plough through" (!) today, we also have to somehow find the time to plan our Easter: visiting our daughter Alison and family on Easter Sunday, and then hosting them all for dinner here on Easter Monday evening, when Alison and husband Edward, plus their 3 teenage kids Josie Rosalind and Isaac will be dropping by, after the labours of their 4-day weekend are over and done with.

Ali and Edward will be exhausted from their gardening work, and the three kids will be exhausted from their school and college revision work.

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

We even found time today to drop by at Sainsbury's to buy 5 big chocolate Easter eggs, one each for Ali, Edward, and our 3 grandchildren. Plus.... 9 chocolate bunnies for all the little kids in our street, would you believe! Lois is so warm-hearted: what a woman I married !!!!!

we even find time somehow to drop by Sainsbury's

to buy 5 big chocolate Easter eggs for the family,

but also 9 chocolate bunnies for all the little kids 

on our street - awwww, Lois, is so warm-hearted !!!!!

At least Lois and I can relax tonight, with the remainder of BBC4's "Elaine Paige Evening", which we started watching yesterday.

A nice relaxing evening's viewing, with some truly great songs, and some truly great lyrics, many of them from the 1920's and 1930's, and all treated with a lightness of touch, like this scene, a reimagining of an Anglo-American couple, a photographer and an advertising designer, going back in time, to visit the Blue Angel nightclub in the inflation-hit Weimar Germany of the 1920s. 

At the Blue Angel, everything on the menu is good, apparently, the waiter says, apart from the girls, who, needless to say, are bad (!).

And then, there are "those girls"..... (!)

Yes, you've guessed it - it's all by way of an intro into the floor show, and Cole Porter's marvellous "Anything Goes!" (1934).

But how nice tonight to hear some of the verses you don't hear so often, like these :

                                                    when every night, the set that's smart,

                                                    is indulging in nudist parties

                                                    in studios, anything goes!

                                                    When mothers pack and leave poor father,

                                                    Because they'd rather see tennis pro's,

                                                    Anything goes!

                                                    If driving fast cars you like,

                                                    If low bars you like, 

                                                    If old hymns you like, 

                                                    Or bare limbs you like,

                                                    If Mae West you like,

                                                    Or me undressed you like,

                                                    Well nobody will oppose!

                                                    Anything goes!!!

They don't write songs like that any more, do they! 

[Something to be grateful for there, perhaps! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!