Tuesday May 26th 2026 "Stop thinking about yourself for 1 second! Think about your poor bed!!!!"

Yes, Friends,  stop thinking about yourself for one second, if you can bear it!!!! Your bed is much worse off than you are,  in the current heatwave!!!!

Onion News has more.....

Poor mattress !!!!!!

And when you think about it, it's only a quite recent phenomenon, that scientists discovered that mattresses have feelings, just like you and me - so maybe it's high time to act accordingly, and to spare a little more thought for your old thing, if I may be so bold as to suggest, ever so humbly haha !!!

Certainly, reading about that couple's mattress' half-muffled 'cry for help' this morning, brings a partly-broad smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, here in semi-pastoral Liphook, Hampshire, to put it mildly!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

We're (almost!) laughing for a very specific reason - in the current heatwave, for the first time this year, we've actually switched our little portable mini-heater to the 'fan' position - and it's nostalgic to think that only a couple of weeks ago, we were using the 'heat 1' position for mildly cold conditions, would you believe. That's how "sudden" this "sudden heatwave" actually is, in real terms, which is quite an eye-opener, isn't it, when you look at the detail!

(left) the shock news that another hottest May day ever record has been broken for the

second day running, and (right) Yours Truly, demonstrating the rarely-used

'fan' setting on our little mini-heater - a setting almost never used by us!!!!

[You've certainly painted a very vivid picture with that chilling account, Colin, and no pun intended! Kudos!!!! - Ed]

Lois and I don't really want to go out at all today - we've been hunkering down since Saturday, mainly just 'poncing about the house' in light clothing, but today, unfortunately we've got to drive into Liphook for some appointments, which is annoying!

Liphook's tiny town centre

The stakes are high this morning, particularly for me. Lois just has to pick up her new glasses and sunglasses at Liphook Eyecare, but, unfortunately, I've got to pop into our local GP surgery for my second blood test in 3 weeks. The previous test showed a pre-Type 2 diabetes reading, which was a right pain!

By submitting to a second blood test this morning, I'm hoping to prove that that previous blood test result was just a 'blip' - possibly caused by my having had my spring COVID jab the previous day. But we'll see! And, to be frank, it won't really be a huge tragedy even if the first result is confirmed. Lois had a similar blood test result about 18 months ago, and she has managed to come out of the 'danger zone' by changes to the diet which we are both keeping to already anyway, so fingers crossed!

Lois, modelling her two shiny new pairs of specs: 

(left) the ordinary ones and (right) the sunglasses version

(left) our local GP surgery, here being showcased by a former GP now retired,

and (right) me waiting in the waiting room for the nice nurse to 'take me in hand' (!)

What madness, isn't it!!! And as you can see, today is turning into yet another busy day for Lois and me - busy busy busy! 

And our garden shrubs aren't helping, to put it mildly! One of our many unidentified shrubs, (Himalayan firethorn or something similar ???), apparently decided overnight to half-collapse over the pavement going past our house, would you believe! So this morning I have to get the secateurs out, and fill our second brown East Hampshire wheelie-bin with the excess branches, just so that local 'old codgers' don't have to step out into our quiet road just to get past it (!). 

Curse my sense of 'civic duty' haha!!!!

flashback to earlier this morning - one of the shrubs in our front-garden decides

overnight to half collapse onto the pavement going past our house, forcing

local promenading 'old codgers' to step out into the road - what madness!!!

What a crazy day !!!!! 

And we've certainly earned our afternoon in bed today, while, after reading that Onion story, nevertheless promising to be gentle with our poor mattress, hopefully treating it with the respect it deserves (!) - we're all heart haha !!!!

We may have been wallowing in the cool of our bedroom this afternoon, the bedroom windows thrown open with gay abandon (!), but tonight we're wallowing in something different - sheer naked nostalgia, which is nice!

And the reason? Well, celebrity TV travelogue-presenter and ex-Cabinet minister Michael Portillo, in a change to the advertised programme, is tonight starting a new series of his train journeys this time in Hungary, a country where Lois and I travelled extensively, trying out several mattresses (!), back in the 1990s and early 2000s, when we were comparatively young! 

Yes, we were only middle-aged once, believe it or not!!!

Tonight Michael starts his visit at the Austrian-Hungarian border, when, in the heady days of the late 1980's, Hungary led the way for the eventual dismantling of the 'Iron Curtain', opening up their borders and paving the way for the demolition of the Berlin Wall, allowing people from Eastern European countries, especially from East Germany to travel to freedom in the West, if they so chose.

Michael visits the border town of Sopron, and is shown the field where a giant picnic was organised for all-comers, from East or West or wherever, a picnic attended by thousands of people. And his guide is the very Hungarian official who took a chance, and authorised all these 'illegal' border crossings back in the day.

Police estimated the size of the crowd, mostly Hungarians and Austrian, at between 15 and 20 thousand people. But there was also an astonishing number of East Germans present.

And these East Germans brought with them any possessions they could salvage.

And in his conclusion to tonight's programme, after visiting Budapest and admiring the city's glorious architecture, Michael returns to the subject of this 1989 mould-breaking picnic outside Sopron in his passionate conclusion, as he brandishes an actual piece of barbed wire from the original 'Iron Curtain'.

Yes, Michael! But what a pity that that joyous atmosphere of peace and reconciliation between nations and their peoples didn't last! 

When things are beginning to look too harmonious and peaceful, i.e. "happy", always beware of middle-aged, mega-rich politicians, annoyed that their country is no longer feared in the way they feel it was when they were kids!

And yes, step forward Vladimir Putin, and ruddy well do the walk of shame. You've got a lot to answer for.

flashback to 2002 when Lois and I visited the town of Sopron on the Hungary-Austria 

border: (left) our Austrian rental car, outside the villa where we stayed, 

and (right) Lois in the town square with our English friends Mike and Mary, and 

also with (rightmost) our Hungarian friend Ibolya, outside the town theatre

Happy days!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go back to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!

Monday May 25th 2026 "Did YOU struggle to pay for a ticket at YOUR fave pop festival this month?"

Yes, Friends, did YOU struggle to find the 'readies' to pay for a ticket to YOUR 'fave' pop festival this month? A lot of people did, apparently, which meant that these events are becoming more and more exclusive, or, in today's increasingly 'woke' era, should I be saying 'less and less inclusive (!)'? 

I wonder....!

Onion News has more....!

Poor Petricott !!!! And let's hope he has the strength, having sold off his ancestral estate, to 'work his way up from the bottom' all over again!

And reading Petricott's tragic story this morning, here in semi-mythical Liphook, Hampshire, this morning, brings an ironic smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, to put it mildly!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

We're laughing, because, by complete coincidence, our daughter Alison, with husband Edward, drops by this afternoon after a hard day shifting logs at their crumbling Victorian mansion, currently being refurbished. 

And would you believe it, the talk is all about the couple's eldest daughter, Josie, a first year maths student at Durham University, who somehow found the cash to attend BBC Radio One's 2026 Big Weekend pop festival at nearby Sunderland this week, headlined by Swedish pop sensation Zara Larsson, no less !!!!

(left) our daughter Alison with husband Ed, who drop by for a 'catch-up' with

Lois and me this afternoon, and (right) our granddaughter Josie (19), in the black shorts,

with a Durham fellow-student at Radio One's Big Weekend festival at nearby Sunderland

And it's doubly fascinating, because, in one of the souvenir pictures Lois and I catch a glimpse of Josie's current (and possibly first serious) beau, the intriguing Will - all young lads are called Will these days, Lois and I have noticed, which is crazy! Temporarily, the sight of Josie with a man brings thoughts of maybe future great-grandparent status for Lois and me - who knows!!!!! 

But what madness!!!!

(below left) our granddaughter Josie (19) on the shoulders of current beau Will

- could Lois and me some day be fortunate enough to acquire great-grandparent status?

Apart from the news of young Josie's latest antics (!), the talk this afternoon is all about this crazily scorching hot weather that we've all been experiencing in this part of the world over the last couple of days, today being the hottest May day ever recorded in the UK.

Our crazy weather has even been making headlines in Hungary, would you believe, a country that Lois and I visited often, back in the day. 

flashback to the 1990's: (left) our Hungarian friends Istvan and Maria,

standing between us, and (right) me with Istvan and his son Marty, in Pecs, Hungary

And my Hungarian penfriend Tunde, today sends me an email linking to this shock report from the 24.hu Hungarian website - health warning: you'll need at least a smattering of Intermediate Hungarian to fully understand the headline, but you can probably guess what it means, roughly !!!

The report points out, however, that while temperatures in the south of England are hitting 35C (95F), temperatures in the north west coast of Scotland - e.g. Stornoway - are only running at 14C (57F). What madness isn't it !!!!!

It all goes to confirm what Lois and I have always suspected - that the weather seems to differ according to where exactly you live. Take Perth in Western Australia, for example, where our other daughter Sarah lives, with husband Francis and their 12-year-old twins Lily and Jessica. Over there, 9000 miles from here, they're just coming into winter, which is crazy!!!

our mad world of stark contrast: (left) me showcasing our battered room thermometers

as they look today, and (right) the totally different situation in Perth, Australia

What a crazy planet we live on !!!!!

Sarah and family will be getting a taste of our semi-tropical British weather next month, however, when they arrive at our house for a 3-week stay. And yesterday, during our catch-up zoom call with the family, Lois and I got an inkling of how the family want to spend their time with us. And on their wish-list it's clear that they want to visit a lot of attractions in or near London, including Harry Potter World at the Warner Bros Studios near Watford, The London Eye big wheel, plus the view from the top of the 1000ft high Shard Building, Hamley's Toy Store, museums, jazz cruise on the Thames etc etc. What madness!!!

[That's enough madness! - Ed]

flashback to yesterday: Lois and me on our catch-up weekly video call

to our daughter Sarah and family 9000 miles away in Perth, Australia

It's got Lois and me thinking that maybe I ought to have a club in London that we could stay at sometimes, to save the exhausting journey to and from Liphook.

I expect you've noticed the number one glaring anomaly about me, the fact that I'm one of the few people in the UK who haven't got a cosy London club that they're a member of, where they can be chatting in a civilised manner in the bars, or sitting in deep, comfortable armchairs in quiet lounges in the afternoons and evenings, and, later, relaxing with their 'squeeze' in comfortable bedrooms. 

And if I decide to make the move towards being a 'clubman', as an ex-civil servant, the obvious one to choose is the prestigious and stylish club for current and former civil servants, near to Parliament, on fashionable Northumberland Avenue. 

the stylish Civil Service Club, on London's Northumberland Avenue,

near to Parliament, where civil servants, working or retired, can go to relax

I wonder.....!

So watch this space!

[I really don't think they'd want anybody like you in their precious club, Colin! - Ed]

Yes, this Bank Holiday Monday has been just another hectic day for Lois and me, as you may have guessed by now, reading between the lines!!!!

"If only we were simple woodpeckers, with nothing to do except bang away in trees all day!" - that's what Lois and I say! However, as we learn from tonight's first programme in this year's Springwatch nature series, the woodpecker's lot is not such a happy one as you might suppose, which is mad!

In tonight's opening episode, presenters Chris and Michaela wonder how a little woodpecker weighing 80g (about 3 oz) can possibly exert the incredible force they appear to be able to marshal, on a tough old tree trunk? How on earth can they peck at up to 25 times a second, with a force of nearly 2kg (about 4.5 lbs)?

Yes, Lois and I didn't know, but scientists at Brown University, over in the States, have finally worked out the answer. The little fellow apparently uses his chest muscles to pull its little head back, and  then uses its little hips to push its little body a bit away from the tree; then it puts its tail down, a tail made up of very very stiff feathers - they have a stiff coil that means that they can press against the tree to brace themselves. 

Having got itself in that position and the body slightly away from the tree, with its little hips primed, the little chap can then start pecking the tree. It then engages its little neck muscles to increase the power that's being powered into the trunk, varying the amount of force used, through its neck and hip muscles.

Woodpeckers peck trees for lots of different reasons, including extracting pine cones, claiming territory, or trying to attract a mate. And while drumming, the bird periodically takes its beak away, it takes a tiny breath, which it then expels, when it resumes pecking. So correct breathing is key, just like in yoga, as Michaela points out, especially with the so-called "Lion's breath" manoeuvre.

Lois and I think, however, that our chakras are stimulated enough already, especially in this hot weather!!!

But what a lot of trouble those little woodpecker chaps have to go to! And I think Lois and I would rather be a pair of old codgers stimulating our chakras on a sofa, than to be out on the side of a tree doing that kind of malarkey !!!

But your views welcome - postcards only !!!!!

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!!