Tuesday November 10th 2026 "Violins, Cellos etc - They Can Really Pluck At Your Heartstrings! And no pun intended!!!"

Yes, Friends, those soulful violins,  cellos, guitars etc, they really speak to our heartstrings, don't they! But what our heartstrings say back to them isn't recorded, at least not on any CD I've heard so far, to put it mildly !!!!

And at last - and not before time! - popular tabloid Onion News has introduced its long-awaited "Your Strings Tonight" Weekly Colour  Supplement today, complete with some brilliant photos from one of their hard-working cameramen, which is a nice touch!

Just look at today's "doozies" !!!!

It's all a bit "over the top and round the sides (and back!)", if I'm honest! But the stories bring the briefest hint of a smirk to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-supercalifragilistic Liphook, Hampshire - no question-marks over that !!!

me and my wife Lois this lunchtime in a church just over the

county line, in nearby Haslemere, Surrey

"But why are you two 'noggins' sitting in at church, and at lunchtime, of all things, Colin?!", I hear you cry!

And there's a simple answer - we're here for the first in Haslemere's St Christopher's Church's new 2026-2027 series of lunchtime concerts, which is mad! But 'needs must' so we just grab a quick sandwich at home before zooming over to Haslemere, and luckily we get to the church early, in time to fight our way through a huge party of other "old codgers" and also crowds of local schoolchildren, somehow managing to get ourselves a couple of sought-after aisle seats, which is nice!

The nice church-member-lady who shows us to our seats reveals to us the simple seating plan - "old codgers" to the left, schoolkids to the right - which simplifies things enormously and is a great relief!

And my aisle seat will also give my long legs somewhere to go - i.e. stick themselves out into the generous aisle without necessarily tripping up the vicar or anybody else, which makes a pleasant change! Nothing puts "the mockers" on a church concert like the vicar being taken away in an ambulance, Lois and I always say!!!

Also, we're in plenty of time to peruse the programme, and so become a bit familiar with the chief players and try to remember what their instruments are, and their backgrounds, and also satisfy ourselves that they're qualified to be here today.

To be blunt, Lois and I don't want any what-we-call "Les Dawsons". 

Dear old Les, dubbed "Barnsley's Answer to Andre Previn", was known for his notoriously poor, 100% untutored, piano-skills, to put it mildly!!

flashback to the 1990's - classically untrained" pianist Les Dawson,

styled "Barnsley's answer to Andre Previn" - what madness, wasn't it!!!

Luckily, however, today's soloists seem to pass even mine and Lois's vigorous tests, which is encouraging! 

Guitarist Jenny Janse, according to our programme, read music at Cambridge and has performed and recorded across Europe with her ensemble, "The Musicke Companye". And cellist Fiona Harrison graduated from the Royal College of Music, has a Masters degree in music from Yale, and has performed in ensemble at The Barbican Centre and the London Purcell Room. 

(left) today's cello soloist Jenny Janse (Cambridge and Royal Academy of Music)

with today's guitar soloist Fiona Harrison (Royal College of Music, and Yale)

To sum up, today's two soloists seem eminently qualified, and so, after discussion, Lois and I decide to let the concert go ahead!

[That's big of you, Colin! - Ed]

And all in all, it's a lovely concert, too, with music to soothe our shattered nerves (!), and finishing with a bit of an oddity - Ravel's drinking song "Chanson a Boire", which is punctuated by some weird "musical hiccups", from Jenny - not from her tummy (!!!!), but from her cello, being played pizzicato-style, which is mad!

(left) French composer Maurice Ravel (1875 - 1937), who wrote today's famous "Drinking Song" 

(French: Chanson a Boire); and (right) a typical 18th century drinking scene

of the kind his 1930's song seeks to channel (!)

And after all this is  a lunchtime concert, and, for the slightly younger "old codgers" in the audience, there's probably just time, after the concert, to pop into the pub for "a quick one", or a "swift half" before going back to the office, so fair enough! 

Ravel would have been proud of them haha!!!!

(left) Lois, seated with me in the "Old Codgers" section of the room, and (right)

today's cello soloist Fiona Harrison, who can make her cello hiccup, which is weird!

However, whether we reject sobriety or not (!), Lois and I certainly don't have time, after the concert, to pop into a pub for a "swift half", because we have an important appointment in bed for "statutory nap-time", so "needs must" haha!!!!

But what a crazy world we live in!!!

21:00 And there's more craziness tonight, when we settle down on the sofa to see the second programme in the new 2026-2027 season of the comedy panel game series "QI", which has now got through most of the English alphabet, reaching the letter 'X', would you believe! 

And, for presenter and X-Scandinavian Sandi Toksvig and her 4 experts, trying to find words in the dictionary that begin with the letter 'X', to do their research on, is getting increasingly difficult to put it mildly!!!

Luckily there's an old word for 'charcoal', which is "xyloanthrax".

And talking of "xyloanthrax"... (as you do!).... who knew that charcoal beetles like to mate during forest fires? 

X-Scandinavian presenter Sandi Toksvig has more....

And just why do they wait for forest fires before they 'do it' ? Well, you see it's because the charcoal beetles know that, in a fire, their main predators will have already either (a) run away from the fire, or (b) burned to death, which makes a kind of weird sense to Lois and me!

But wait - there's more! And this is the really weird, "science bit".....! 

You see, charcoal beetles have a sort of incredibly sensitive "armpit" - more precisely the area behind the "middle pair" of their 3 pairs of legs - a part of their anatomy which can sense fires burning from 130km away (about 80 miles), which is crazy!!!!

And yes, charcoal beetles literally can't mate, or lay their eggs, unless there's a big fire going on.

And it they're in London, they can detect fires as far away as Swindon (for example!) because of their "armpits". 

designated "London to Swindon: best route for charcoal beetles" - M25 and M4 (if available!) !

You see, these beetles' tiny armpits contain dozens of tiny water-pockets, which expand when they sense heat, and then push against a "receptor". And the difference in how much the water expands on one side of their body compared to the other side of their body, also tells them the direction of the flames.

See? Simples!!!!

What madness, isn't it !!!!

And what Lois and I say, is "What a good thing people don't have to do that, flying and flapping their arms about, if they start feeling romantic (!), which is a blessing! 

Especially if you then had to go to Swindon to do it (!). We've got nothing against Swindon, particularly, but, it's known principally for its large number of roundabouts, so isn't really the UK's most romantic town, is it, to put it mildly!!!!

And - historical fun fact (!) - charcoal beetles used to regularly swarm at 1940's American Football games, and not because of the grills or barbecues out in the car parks. It was simply because of the spectators' cigarette smoke, in those far-off crazy times, which was mad!

Also, another, more up-to-date, fun-fact (!) - firefighters in California often wear 'bee veils' to protect themselves, because the charcoal beetles can be very territorial, and when the fire-fighters arrive to put out a forest fire, the beetles start to bite them.

You couldn't make it up, could you! But at the end of this section of the show, presenter Sandi delights the studio audience with her own, charming impression of those little beetles - the young scamps!!!

But what a crazy world we live in!!! 

[You've done that one already today! Just saying! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!

Monday November 9th 2026 "Been in a nightclub recently? The weirdest things go on - it's all madness, I tell you !!!!"

Yes, friends, have YOU been in a nightclub recently? You wouldn't believe the things that go on - that is, unless you're an avid reader of popular tabloid Onion News new "Nightclub News" pull-out-and-throw-away weekly Special Nightclub News Colour Supplement, that debuts today - free with every issue, so it won't "break the bank" to put it mildly!!!!

Here are the top stories this week!

It's all a bit mad, though, isn't it, if we're honest, that is!!!

And yet... and yet... these stories bring a pleasant, if conspiratorial, smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois here on our near-daily walk this chilly November morning, here in semi-arboreal Liphook, Hampshire - no doubts on that score !!!!

my wife Lois and me, taking our near-daily walk this chilly November morning,

here in semi-arboreal Liphook, Hampshire - brrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

We're both feeling a bit "rough about the edges", today a bit like the park we're walking in, not to mention my somewhat battered "cap" (!). You see, our window-cleaner, Jason, had told us he'd be with us, "some time between 9 and 10am", but then turned up at almost exactly 9:59am - the young scamp!!!! Plus, even our usual afternoon in bed is squeezed to a paltry 2 hours today, which is mad!!!

However, we're determined to keep going, because we've got an exciting evening ahead of us, to put it mildly!

Our daughter Alison, who lives with husband Edward and their 3 teenage kids, in nearby Headley, is picking us up at 3:15pm and whisking us away from "country-bumpkin-land" to catch the 4pm train to the bright lights of London, so we can see a couple of plays/monologues being performed in a trendy club near Waterloo Station, which is mad too!

(above) our train route to London tonight, and (below) our destination -

the Lower Marsh Arts Club, near London's Waterloo station.

"But exactly why are you swapping 'country-bumpkin-land' for the bright lights of London today, Colin?", I hear you cry!

Well, there's a simple reason! My baby-sister Gill (68) has written two plays/monologues that are going to be performed there at fringe theatre Lower Marsh Arts Club tonight, by the "happening" feminist troupe the Yellow Coat Theatre Company, which is really amazing, and exciting, to boot, if that were not enough!!!!

(left) the Yellow Coat Theatre Company - logo "Of course I'm hot, I'm 50!" - which is, currently performing two of my baby-sister Jill's plays, and (right) my sister Jill with two of the players

A wonderful, and, so far, unique experience for Lois and me to see Jill's work being performed, but she's currently working for a master's in creative writing, so I'm sure there'll be more where that came from!

At the tender age of 68 (!), Gill has already written these two very sensitive plays/monologues, both from an older woman's viewpoint, and one which has many audience members on the brink of tears at the end - and in a good way, I must stress (!!!!), as we hear some of them remarking in the bar afterwards.

me, Lois and our daughter Alison in the front row of the theatre

waiting expectantly for the action to begin!

We've got seats in the front row of the club's theatre space, which to call "intimate" is a bit of an understatement! And when the players come on, they literally have to brush past us. Plus, Lois, Alison and I all get, not just "knee-contact" (!) with the cast, but plenty of eye-contact too, which is nice!

And we have a nice time in the club bar, too, in the interval, because also here tonight to see Gill's plays are Zanne and Rose, the wife and daughter of my "new" cousin David, who was adopted at birth but later, in 2022,  found to be a cousin by a random DNA test on a family-history site, which is totally mad!!!!

just a small part of my "enormous" family tree, showing just 5 of my estimated 30 cousins (!)

And not only that but my cousin David's daughter Rose, who's an actress, is also playing a part in one of the plays, which is nice bonus! We also meet Rose's partner Joe, and also Susan, the actress who's playing the lead in one of the two plays, which is "icing on the cake". 

Seems too good to be true, doesn't it, and yet it is true! Neither my playwright sister Gill herself, nor our "new" cousin David are able to be with us tonight, but they caught the show on Friday night, so that's all good!

in the club bar tonight (left to right) (1) my "new" cousin David's wife Zanne,

(2) Susan, the actress taking the lead in one of my sister Gill's plays tonight, 

(3) David and Zanne's actress daughter Rose, (4) our daughter Alison, and

(5,6) Yours Truly and Lois - all grabbing a quick drink and a snack in the interval (!)

And for Lois and me, definitely, a night to remember -  and one when, for once, we're not at home dozing on the couch through a succession of celebrity TV travelogues etc etc, which makes for a pleasant change!!!

us in the crowded club bar during the interval

(left) my "new" cousin David's wife, Zanne talking with Susan, the lead actress in one of Gill's plays,

and (right) Lois with Joe, the partner of support actress Rose, who is David and Zanne's daughter

(left) lead actress Susan with support actress Rose, and (right) 

Rose, Alison and me, all grabbing a quick drink and a snack in the club bar

22:00 Home at last, exhausted but happy, and  more than ready for bed, Lois and I are looking forward to regaling, tomorrow, all of our "country bumpkin" neighbours, with tales of "the bright lights of London", so watch this space!!!!

And, to add fuel to the flames, I recently heard that our neighbours have already begun to dub Lois and me "possibly the jet-settingest retired couple in Liphook" - is that a word? [No! - Ed], and tonight's "shenanigans" can only augment that view further, I feel sure!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!

Sunday November 8th 2026 "Fog in the Channel - Continent Cut Off" - the famous 1957 headline - remember that one?!!! Haha!!!"

Yes, Friends, remember that 1957 headline from The Times newspaper, "Fog in the Channel - Continent Cut Off"? And that headline certainly showed the power of fog to do the most amazing things! And, well, it is November, in case you hadn't noticed!!!!

So isn't it such a comfort, in these fog-affected times, to know that we're not alone! And in today's Onion News Special Fog Colour Supplement, tear-jerking fog-bound headlines "a-bound" (geddit??!!!) .

Hope you haven't "mist it" - geddit (again!) ?! haha!!!! But if you have, just feast your fog-bound eyes on these: 'Colin's pick of today's "doozies"' !!!!!

And what about this one, featured in the Supplement's "junior section" - it's a cracker !!!!

It's all a bit over-dramatic perhaps??? But, nonetheless, these headlines, and others in the same "ball-park", at least bring a hint of a vague smile to my wife Lois and me, here in semi-invisible Liphook, Hampshire, this morning - that's one thing that's clear to see (geddit???!) !!!!!

my wife Lois and me, taking lunch today in fog-bound Liphook, Hampshire

Lois and I are both "poetry buffs", and we find that there's nothing that better evokes the sense of fog like a poem! 

And this one says it all - written by a chatbot, maybe, but still brilliant!

Yes, poetry is our best source of comfort, Lois and I find, whatever the weather! 

And as a pair of fully-paid-up "boomers", Lois and I have been noting, with much regret, the recent passing of two great Star Trek stalwarts from the 1970s and 1960s TV series: the actors Patrick Stewart, who played Capt. Jean-Luc Godard; and also the loss of Walter Koenig, who played Mr Chekov, the Russian guy in the original series.

(left) actor Patrick Stewart as Capt. Jean-Luc Picard in 1970's series, and (right)

Walter Koenig as navigator Chekov in the original 1960's "outing"

However, luckily, in our copy of this week's edition of Private Eye, the political magazine, the paper's "house poet", teenager EJ Thribb, there are some moving lines all about Koenig, which is nice!

(left) me showcasing mine and Lois's copy of this week's Private Eye, the political 

magazine, with (right) another moving poem by the journal's teenage poet EJ Thribb

It's interesting that the Star Trek series envisaged a future in which starships from Earth would explore the universe, manned (and womanned!) by teams of diverse multi-national and (even) multi-species origins if you include semi-aliens like the famous Mr Spock, which was novel!

Back in the 1960's, at the height of the Cold War between Russia and the West, series' creator Gene Roddenberry's view was that the addition of a Russian guy, Pavel Chekov, was a particularly brilliant way of conveying his personal, highly optimistic, vision of an ideal future for the Earth. 

Roddenbury's dream was of a future Earth which had moved past regional conflicts, and was presenting a united front to the strange alien creatures that their craft, the Starship Enterprise, encountered, as she sped across the galaxies, to put it mildly!

the Starship Enterprise's diverse crew presenting a united front to 

the weird beings they encountered as they sped across the universe - yikes!!!!

So, no vision of any "dystopic" future there then, which is nice to see!

And these Star Trek memories are resonating particularly for Lois and me today, because this week Steve, our American brother-in-law, reminded us that it's 77 years this month since two of the most famous classic "dystopic" sci-fi writers,  Aldous Huxley (author of 'Brave New World') and George Orwell (author of '1984') were having a conversation about their respective dystopian novels.  

What a pair of miseries!!!!

Huxley's "nightmare" vision of the future was of a world where pleasure was compulsory, which sounds nice, but Lois and I like to have fun when we want to have fun, not when some jumped-up bureaucrat in Whitehall tells us to!!!!!

Call us dyed-in-the-woold "anarchists" if you like haha!

a scene from the TV version of Huxley's "Brave New World",

a dystopic future world where pleasure was compulsory

So, out of "Brave New World" and "1984", which vision do YOU prefer? 

Dys-topic or Dat-topic haha!

two prominent miseries, Huxley and Orwell, who both published 

dystopic visions of the Earth's future - what madness!!!

In that letter back in October 1949, Huxley, who had been Orwell's teacher at Eton, was congratulating Orwell on the publication of his classic "1984", with its nightmare vision of the world's future.

What madness!!!

The very term "Cold War" was, actually, originally coined by Orwell in a 1945 essay, and it was a few years later that Orwell published his dystopian novel "1984". In the novel, Orwell paints a picture of a bleak future for the Earth, in which the world was carved up and ruled by 3 totalitarian superpowers: Oceania, Eurasia and Eastasia, all disputing possession of the so-called "middle bit" - the top bit of Africa, plus Arabia and India, would you believe, which was totally mad !!! 

(left) writer George Orwell, author of "1984", and (right) Orwell's vision

of a future world split into 3 superpowers, all fighting over the so-called "middle bit" (!)

Luckily, these 3 superpowers were locked in an eternal stalemate, in Orwell's vision, because their economic and geographical statuses were perfectly balanced, so "no harm done!", which was probably for the best! But what a crazy world it sounds like !!!!!

And come back, Gene Roddenbury - all is forgiven haha!!!

But "Oh for the (relative) peace of the 19th century!", as Lois and I say, somewhat wistfully (!), when Britain was the only world  "superpower", and "Britannia ruled the waves", which made things a lot simpler, to put it mildly!

the British Empire at its height

And nobody knows this fact better than our daughter Alison and family, who live in nearby Headley, Hampshire, in a crumbling mansion originally built for one of Queen Victoria's top vice-admirals, John Parish, no less, who sailed the seven seas, keeping the so-called "Pax Britannica", which must have been a satisfying role, with plenty of what's nowadays called "job satisfaction" (!).

flashback to July: our daughter Alison, with lawyer-husband Edward and 

their 3 teenage kids, on holiday in Mallorca, in the Spanish Balearic Islands

The family's house has been under renovation for the past 18 months, and although the builders haven't yet "signed it off", Alison and family are beginning to move their stuff gradually back into their house, and generally make it look a bit more "civilised". 

Vice-Admiral John Parish would have been proud of them, no question about that!

(left) a builder saying "Sorry you can't go inside yet, mate, health and safety!!" - 

and (right) the rude shepherd's hut in the mansion's lovely 

7.5 acre grounds, where the family has often had to "skulk" in recent weeks,

with [inset] Sir John Parish (1822-1894), who had the house built back in the 1870's 

What madness, though, isn't it!!!!

Here are some of John Parish's "career highlights", which make dazzling reading, seeing him traversing the world, sorting out all the "foreigners" and the "natives", and generally "throwing the Queen's weight about".

The young scamp!!!

And this week Alison shared some pictures of a couple of books she's managed to obtain about the families of the original residents of their house, including the fascinating-sounding "Early Days in Argentina" by family relative Sir Woodbine Parish, the father of the Sir John Parish, who had the house built n the 1870's. 

Alison also has in her possession an antique 18th century map of London, which one of those early residents of the house must have acquired - and now, once again, on the wall of the house, which is nice!

But what a crazy world they lived in, back in those far-off days !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!!