Yes, Friends, did YOU get up late after some kind of 'debacle' or 'kerfuffle' in bed? Many of us did, didn't we, according to a snap straw-poll I conducted informally in my local area!
One local man's experiences even made the front page of the local Onion News today, and the story was quickly picked up by some of the nationals, not just the tabloids, but even some of the 'heavies' like the Times and the Telegraph were leading on it later in the day, would you believe! But here's the Onion's original version, for your reading pleasure (?!).
And the story brings a knowing smile to the lips of me and my wife Lois this afternoon, here in rural, semi-translucent Liphook, Hampshire, but let me explain why, before you start 'chortling' !!!!
Lois and I find ourselves, this afternoon, in the bedroom of our Latin teacher Joe, temporarily in a care-home while he awaits an operation on his spine next month.
(left) the care home where our Latin teacher Joe [inset] is staying temporarily
while he awaits an operation in March, and (right) some of the care-staff at the home
Lois has come to see Joe in some trepidation, fearing that Joe will take the opportunity to test her on her Latin, but her fears proved unfounded, which is a relief!
Care home staff, however, have only given Joe two chairs for his room, which this afternoon he has allocated to himself and to Lois. He bids me recline on his bed - so I have to take my shoes off, revealing my 10-year-old socks, and, what's more, I have to pick up Joe's pyjamas and lay them on his night-stand, which is madness!!!
a particularly bad case of socks that have obviously seen better days!
And when care-home staff bring Lois and me a cup of tea, biscuits and a piece of cake, I have to eat mine lying down, inevitably leaving some embarrassing chocolate crumbs - I manage to brush some of them onto the floor, but, inevitably, some get squashed or lost in the bedding, crumbs that Joe is sure to find difficult to sleep on tonight, to put it mildly!
a typical case of a disturbed night caused by crumbs in bed
The scene in Joe's bedroom this afternoon, with me reclining languidly on Joe's bed, seems to me impossibly (and embarrassingly) intimate, when I consider that Lois and I have previously only faced Joe across the classroom. I'm talking about the room in the local Methodist Church Hall, where Joe teaches Latin to Lois and me, and to his mostly-female "fan club" - Lois and I call them Joe's harem (!), all of us being members of Joe's U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group.
Joe, our Latin teacher, seen here in happier times, teaching Latin
to us and his mostly-female "harem" of admirers
Joe is very much a people-person, so it's no surprise to Lois and me that, since moving into the home a couple of weeks ago, he's been talking a lot to staff, who, he says, are mostly from Britain's ex-colonies in Africa and around the world, and Joe's been finding out all their "back-stories".
He admires them all very highly, and even from our experience this afternoon, Lois can see with what kindness they treat residents and visitors alike, enquiring after their every need, and with great dignity as well as thoughtfulness. As Joe says that, unlike many Brits, they're willing to do what often turns into a 12-hour day on 8-hour-pay, and "go the extra mile" whenever it's needed.
flashback to 1920: the British Empire at its height
During our visit this afternoon, Joe lets slip that he'll be turning 85 this year, which surprises us, because he's always impressed us as being so lively, not just mentally, but also physically, at least before his spine began to play up a couple of months ago. This news is especially cheering for me, because, like Joe, I'm an impossibly-early riser, and we early risers are always being told that we need to be getting 8-hours-worth every night. It obviously hasn't done Joe much harm to get up at 5am or whatever, all his life, so that's a relief. And unlike me, he doesn't go to bed till midnight, and he doesn't even take a statutory afternoon nap "like what I do" [sic]. What madness, isn't it !!!!!
21:00 There's nothing like counting sheep for dropping off to sleep in good time, is there! And back at our home for the evening, Lois and I decide to go to bed on another soothing programme in the series "Our Farm Next Door", following the adventures of Amanda, the woman who's been dubbed "The Yorkshire Shepherdess", plus her estranged husband Clive, and their "tribe" of nine super-confident kids, which is nice!
It's partly a rather sad episode tonight, because, as expected, one of the farm's beloved dogs, Chalky, who's lived on the farm for 14 years, has finally given up the ghost. But as Amanda says, Chalky has had a good life.
Chalky had been quite a character, but had been impossible to train, however, apparently, Amanda says. Chalky always resisted the hair brush, and she wouldn't eat normal dog food, "insisting" on having cheese. And not just ordinary cheese - it had to be bolognese-y, if you pleasey (!).
And Chalky was quite "the party animal", and liked to skive off farm work just to have a good time somewhere, if only to bounce up and down on on the family's trampoline
What utter utter utter madness !!!!
But it's touching tonight to see the kids decorating the box that the beloved Chalky is to be buried in.
On a brighter note, however, it's coming into the breeding season on the farm. Amanda has divided her "yowes" (Yorkshire dialect for ewes) into groups, and identified the "tup", the male sheep who's "doing the business".
The tup was painted with yellow mud for his first 40-strong batch of "victims" (!), so that after he mounts them he leaves a yellow patch on the ewes' bottoms, which tells Amanda that these particular "yowes" have been "done", or "tupped" as it's called. For the next batch, Amanda has chosen "green" as the colour for the next lot of lucky "yowes".
But there's a problem - the "tup" has wandered off somewhere.
Lois says he's probably exhausted, after "doing" his first batch of 40 "yowes", just the other day.
"Not another 40, already?", he's probably saying to himself, is Lois's guess!
Poor tup !!!!!
But what a crazy world we live in !!!!!!!
Will this do?
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!
