Wednesday April 2nd 2025 "Are you a morning person? Or a night owl? Or are you just not sure, maybe ?!!!"

Friends, are YOU a "morning person"? Is that when you get your best ideas? Or are you a bit of a night-owl? Do you "come alive" as soon as the sun goes down? Most of us are one or the other, aren't we, but not area woman Andrea Harris from nearby Basingstoke Hampshire - and my thanks to those hard-working local journalists from the local Onion News for breaking this story - it's quite a "doozy" !

"And which 'camp' are YOU in, Colin?", I hear you cry. [Not me, I'm 'propping up the bar' at my local 'local' if you must know! - Ed]

Well, seeing as how you're obviously 'gagging' to know (!), this morning I can exclusively reveal that both myself and my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois are both firmly in the morning person camp, and we're always in bed at the pre-witching hour of 10pm - we make darn sure of that (!).

me and my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois on our morning

walk today over Weavers Down - we're both long-time and

paid-up members of  the "morning person camp"

 

I'll put my cards on the table here, however. What we actually like is to get up in fairly smartly in the morning when we don't have anything much to do, and can just "mooch around", "slob around", "loll around" or even 'lol around (!), maybe just reading a magazine on the sofa or sitting on the computer - you know?

What we don't like is to have to get up early because we've got to be somewhere early, or because somebody's calling early to do some job or other in our house. That, to us, is the very definition of "the pits" - sorry, but it's true, you know. 

 

And we're having a bit of a "basinful" of that this week - yesterday we had to leave the house at 7:30 am to get Lois to her cataract surgery pre-op session in Guildford, and tomorrow, local handyman Russell is calling at 8 am to do, like, a billion jobs around the house - more probably, if I'm honest (!). And ditto on Friday when local gardener Mitchell is coming at 8 am to start work on, like, a billion jobs around our garden.

"Eight o'clock start" fanatics, (left) local handyman Russell 

and (right) local gardener Mitchell - what madness !!!!

What madness! What is it with this people and their liking for that "eight o'clock start" obsession? What's so sacred about that as a start-time, what time of day do you call that etc etc? I think we should be told, don't you? It's total madness !!!! [That's enough madness! - Ed]

So, although it's only Wednesday, Lois and I have to get up early just to get the house ready today, and "clear the decks", just so that Russell can ring our doorbell tomorrow Thursday at 8 am and immediately "crack on" with the, like, billion jobs we've asked him to do. 

No fair !!!! 

For example, look (1) what we've had to do (1) to Bedroom 4 (a.k.a "The Office" - a Hampshire workplace!), and (2) what we've had to do to Bedroom 2, just so that Russell tomorrow can do a few jobs in there - it's total madness !!!!!

a sleepy-eyed me today, showcasing how Lois and I have had 

to (left) more or less "clear" Bedroom 4 (aka the Office), and (right)

pile a load of books onto the bed in Bedroom 2, all just

for local handyman Russell's benefit when he comes tomorrow at 8 am

- it's madness !!!!!

Poor Lois and me !!!!  But what I most feel sorry about is what it's meant for Buckles and Rover, the stuffed toys that Lois and I are looking after on behalf of our 11-year-old twin granddaughters Lily and Jessica. The girls, together with their parents, left the UK and moved to Perth, Australia in September last year, and - "sob story" of all time, there was no room for beloved stuffed toys Buckles and Rover, either in their hand-luggage, or in the "household effects" shipped out to Perth by sea via Capetown.

Today, acting from simple human kindness and pity, Lois and I have had to turn Buckles and Rover's faces to the wall, so that they don't suffer any undue trauma during Russell's handyman-work in what's become "their room" tomorrow morning.

Poor Rover! And poor Buckles !!!!!

 

Poor stuffed toys Rover and Buckles!!! Out of simple

human kindness and pity, Lois and I "turn their faces to the wall"

so they don't suffer undue trauma during local handyman

Russell's visit early tomorrow morning.

flashback to last year: beloved stuffed toys Rover the Dog and Buckles

the Unicorn, seen here in happier times, missing their owners Lily and Jessica

9000 miles away in Australia, but able to live their lives with us in relative

ease, watching TV with us and generally "hanging out" - wonderful times!

[That's enough mawkish sentimentality! - Ed]

20:00 After a day of heavy lifting and generally "moving stuff around from room to room" and then "moving it back again" etc etc, Lois and I go to bed on the latest episode in ex-cabinet minister Michael Portillo's train journeys across the European continent - tonight he's in Brittany, in north-west France.

When Michael arrives in Rennes he pauses to reflect on the notorious "Dreyfus affair" that traumatised France in the 1890's. Alfred Dreyfus, a quiet and inoffensive man who was a captain in the French Army, was wrongly accused of spying and/or treason, and in 1894 he was sentenced to life imprisonment in the horror prison camp of Devil's Island off the coast of French Guyana. A document that had been used in his trial was eventually found to be a forgery, and he was given a second trial in Rennes, only to be found guilty again. In the end it took a presidential pardon to set him free.

Dreyfus was Jewish, and many at the time suspected that he'd been "picked on" to take the blame for that reason. Officers from the top brass in the French Army were notoriously anti-semitic. And there was something of a vicious campaign against him mounted by journalists working for the "Libre Parole" ("Free Speech").

In tonight's programme we see presenter Michael Portillo questioning a local Rennes historian about the affair. 

The journalist Drumont carried out a vicious campaign against the totally inoffensive Dreyfus, we hear.

And the very name of Drumont's newspaper, "Free Speech" sounds a warning bell tonight for Lois and me. 

Free speech is, of course, a noble ideal but, like patriotism according to Samuel Johnson in 1775, it can also be "the last refuge of the scoundrel". 

Patriotism is "the last refuge of the scoundrel", according to a quote

from Samuel Johnson in 1775, on April 7th 1775, by coincidence almost exactly

250 years ago this week: and Johnson's quote was later elaborated on by 

Mark Twain in a speech at the Waldorf Astoria, New York, in 1908

Lois comments, that she has read that on his final release the poor inoffensive and totally innocent Dreyfus had degenerated into "quite a wreck", and that most of his teeth had fallen out. Not surprising perhaps, after all the years of trauma.

At least there was a good political outcome from the affair, because the scandal led to formal separation of Church and State in France, in 1905.

We also hear in tonight's programme about early French efforts to colonise Canada, starting with the voyages of Jacques Cartier, who set sail from Brittany on three separate expeditions during the 1530's. Cartier was commissioned by the French king, Francis I, to lead an expedition to North America in search of gold, spices and the elusive "North West Passage".

Although Cartier was fully expecting that his third expedition would be the "clincher", his stock in France suffered a blow, on his return, when it all went pear-shaped, to put it mildly. 

Poor Cartier!!!!! 

A bunch of worthless stones proudly brought back across the ocean and presented to the King. Oh dear!

But Lois and I comment, why didn't somebody tell Cartier that the stuff he'd picked up was all rubbish? I think we should be told, don't you? It's not exactly rocket science is it!!! 

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!!

Tuesday April 1st 2025 "Have YOU ever tried to get into Guildford in an alien spacecraft?"

Yes, how on earth (no pun intended!!!) did the alien known as Ford Prefect, the mystery guy from the star Betelgeuse in "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe", exactly how did he find his way into central Guildford, Surrey, that day so long ago now, back in 1976 or whenever?

It's a question that's often been asked, isn't it!

He didn't come along the A3, I'm guessing - recall that he was coming from "a small planet in the vicinity of [the star] Betelgeuse in Orion's Belt, so over 600 light years from central Surrey. Somehow or other, anyway, he did manage to get into Guildford and, later that day, he had this iconic conversation in a local pub with the humourless Earthling Arthur Dent - remember?

Yes, it was later that very day that Ford Prefect famously "came out as an alien" in a public bar, with these exact words to Dent: "How would you react if I told you I'm not from Guildford after all, but from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse?"

To which earthling Arthur Dent replies, "I don't know [how I'd react]. [Do you] think it's the sort of thing you're likely to say???? "

This is when Prefect comes up with his world-record conversation-stopper..."Drink up, the world's about to end!"

My medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I have speculated that Prefect may have "dropped in" on Earth at Guildford's iconic Surrey Satellite Technology Centre in the Surrey Research Park, in which case he could have taken a route such as the following (just speculating!):

I wonder....! Other routes are available, however, so the jury's still out on that one.

Poor Lois and me weren't so lucky this morning, however, when we tried to get from leafy, semi-rural Liphook into that same Surrey Research Park, and into the futuristic Optegra Laser Eye Centre, actually quite close to the where Ford Prefect may have landed all those years ago. You see,  "for our sins (!)", we had to approach the area along the A3 Guildford and Godalming By-pass, because Lois has an appointment to have her eyes "looked at". 

Oh dear!

And despite getting up "bright and bushy-tailed" at the "unearthly" [Sorry aliens - no pun intended!!!!], at the unearthly hour of 6:30 am, it took us a full hour to traverse the 16 mile journey along the dreadfully gridlocked A3 public highway. It's normally just a 19-minute "hop-and-a-skip", but not this morning, apparently.

What madness !!!!!

(left) me, "bright and bushy-tailed", and "ready to drive" at 7:25 am this morning,

and (centre) the gridlocked A3 along the Guildford and Godalming Bypass, and (right)

an exhausted Lois and me, an hour later, in the waiting-area of the Optegra Eye Hospital.

What madness!!!!

When we eventually (!) get through the gridlocked A3 and into the Optegra Eye Hospital, we do get seen very promptly, I have to admit. 

And, even before we get home to Liphook later in the morning, we get a text from the hospital, saying Lois can have her actual surgery in only a week's time - even though it's going to be fully NHS-funded - so even the price is right, which is nice! So no complaints there.

the futuristic Optegra Eye Hospital in the Surrey Research Park,

Guildford, where Lois will have her cataract surgery on the NHS next week

The morning is all a bit traumatic, however, and Lois and when I get home to Liphook again about 11:30am, we're feeling totally shattered, what with the early start and the gridlocked traffic etc. We spend the afternoon in bed in an effort to "catch up", but before that we go for a 4000-step walk on Old Man Lowsely's Farm, looking for signs of spring and doing a bit of "rough-housing" in the gorse (!). 

Well, it might be our last chance to "rough-house" for a while, literally! There'll be no rough-housing in the month after Lois's surgery, that's for sure, as we discover when we read Optegra's scary "Health and Safety" booklet when we eventually come downstairs about 4 pm. 

Feeling totally shattered, Lois and I go for a walk over Old Man Lowsely's Farm, 

looking for signs of spring (left) and taking the chance to do a bit of "rough-housing"

ahead of Lois's eye cataract surgery which is only a week away now - yikes!

Lois reading Optegra's Pre-Surgery booklet this afternoon, with its

short list of "Do's" and its much longer list of "Don'ts" - yikes!!!

"Rough-housing" and similar "larking about" activities of a physical nature aren't mentioned specifically, we notice, but maybe we should try to stay off them, just to be on the safe side. It says no sports apart from walking, and those things are kind of like sports aren't they.

Thoughts, Friends????  Postcards only, remember!!!! And if you've got any helpful photos, please email them to the usual address: no more that 100 per person, remember - and all the usual terms and conditions apply, needless to say (!).

16:00 Other than that, I spend the day working on my contribution to next week's online Zoom meeting of the U3A old codgers "History of English" group, which I lead, "for my sins" (!!!). 

Our group will be discussing instances of where languages do 'weird' things compared to their "sister-languages". 

For my contribution, I'll be comparing English to German (German being the 'weird' one of the two, needless to say!!!), and on the way back from Lowsely's Farm this afternoon, I pick up an exciting-looking "History of German" book, which I ordered from Amazon and which I collect today at the local Coop and Post Office on Headley Road. 

And later, I start to compare the book's findings with a thought-provoking article by the University of Nevada's Thomas Werner, on why the German language is so weird compared to the "much more reasonable" sister-languages English and Swedish, for example.

(left) the exciting-looking History of German book that I collect today from

the Coop/Post Office on Headley Road - no  more waiting in for deliveries for me.

Oh no! And (right) a thoughtful article from University of Nevada's Thomas Werner's

about why German is so much weirder than English and Swedish, say

My premise for next week's meeting - and this is Medium-to-Top-Secret information until next Friday's meeting, by the way, so no blabbing to group members haha !!!!! - is that it's all because England became a proper country much earlier than Germany, perhaps a bit too early in some ways.

England realised that she was a separate country quite early on in history - we had lots of sea coasts, which clearly differentiated us from our neighbours, who were so obviously "foreign" and so obviously totally un-English. 

medieval Europe: England was mostly surrounded

by water, and quickly realised that it was a proper country,

and that therefore "everybody else must be foreigners"

And also, as a result, England quickly developed a "standard national language", quite early on - a bit too early, in many respects, because pronunciation still had some changes to make later, which is why today, the whole world's Anglosphere is stuck with our language's "rubbish" spelling.

World English - stuck with "rubbish" spelling  

By contrast Germany, in medieval times, was a patchwork quilt of different little states, and so, unlike the English, they didn't develop a standard language. When the country eventually united, in the late 19th century, therefore, they had to quickly "invent" a standard German language. 

Germany's linguistic pundits of the time were anxious that their new standard language should look "respectably complicated", and that's why they based the grammar of the new "standard German" on a mixture of Latin grammar and the grammar of Martin Luther's 16th century German-language Bible.

What madness !!!!

flashback to 1534: Martin Luther working on the

first ever translation of the Bible into his local form of German,

using an antiquated grammar that was to become the new "standard" German

What madness, wasn't it !!!!!

But there you are, and it's all starting to make sense now, I think you'll realise!

In sum, this is why the English-speaking world today has to cope with "rubbish spelling", reflecting outdated pronunciation, while the German-speaking world has to cope with "rubbish grammar" - a grammar in which nouns and verbs can take on, like a billion - more probably! - different "endings", depending on their function in the sentence.

Poor German-speakers !!!!!!

part of just one typical page in a typically "hefty" (!) 

German grammar primer - what madness !!!! 

Yes, what madness!!! But my talk at next Friday's group meeting is sure to bring me possibly my warmest plaudits ever from my fellow group members, that's for sure. I'll print a selection of members' reviews in my blog for Saturday week, so watch this space!

[Thanks for the "heads-up", Colin. I'll be sure not to bother reading that one! - Ed]

Luckily, I'm a "natural" public speaker, so my remarks at next week's meeting are sure to astound my little audience, there's no doubt about that!

Unlike poor "Sunshine Deserts Ltd" middle-manager Reggie Perrin, whose mid-life crisis was chronicled so perfectly in the 1970's TV series "The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin", an episode of which Lois and I go to bed on, tonight, by coincidence! 

It's the episode where poor Reggie makes his disastrous speech to the British Fruit Association - remember that one? 

forty-something Reggie Perrin, middle-manager at

Sunshine Desserts Ltd, who's in the middle of a mid-life crisis

Poor Reggie !!!!

We know Reggie is nervous about giving his speech to the British Fruit Association, because even before he leaves home in the morning, 

 he's using "inappropriate" words in his conversation with his wife Elizabeth over breakfast. Then, when he gets to the Conference Centre, he has too much to drink over lunch before he gets up on stage. 

It was all a bit of a recipe for disaster (no pun intended!!!!), wasn't it, and quite hard to watch in many ways! Remember? (!!!). 

[I don't think anybody remembers these old programmes apart from you two 'numpties', Colin! - Ed]

even over breakfast with wife Elizabeth, Lois and I can tell

that Reggie is feeling nervous, because he's already

using the wrong words in his replies to her questions.

What madness !!!!!

Oh dear - already slightly ominous, isn't it! And did YOU notice that "the 'earwig word', or the 'e-word' as Lois and I call it (!)" cropped up again almost immediately, more or less as soon as Reggie started making his speech to the Conference?

And even when Reggie really gets going with his speech, and gets really "warmed up", even then his use of the appropriate words doesn't improve, Lois and I notice with no little alarm and foreboding, I have to admit (!).

Oh dear! And Reggie's big speech only gets worse after that point, proceeding apace but going rapidly downhill at the same time, which isn't good, to put it mildly. Even the chairman notices something's going awry, suspecting that Reggie may have had too much to drink at lunch !!!!

Eventually, and somewhat inevitably perhaps, Reggie is bundled unceremoniously off stage by officials.

Well, I suppose Reggie "got his just desserts" after all (no pun intended !!!!), and his speech, when reviewed later by attendees at the Conference, only just scraped a "one star" rating, which was probably more than he deserved anyway.

[That's enough rubbish unintentional puns! - Ed]

However, Reggie's anguished query, all those years ago, to his audience, "[Is there] anybody here from Tarporley?", an obscure little quiet, semi-rural town in Cheshire - that anguished query was destined to become, in our family, a joke remark that we made whenever we couldn't think of something to say.

So something good came from all that madness, which is a nice thought!

What numpties we are, and no mistake !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzz!!!!!