Wednesday July 22nd 2026 "Friends, do YOU have an unforgiving boss who keeps you 'at it'? It's the pits, isn't it!"

Yes, Friends, do YOU have an unforgiving boss who keeps you 'at it', 9 to 5? 

Isn't it the worst? Luckily there are some more enlightened bosses these days who are bucking the trend, according to this morning's Onion News, which brings some comfort, to put it mildly!

Kudos, that man!

And, reading Billings' enlightened manifesto this morning brings a tearful smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, here in semi-idyllic Liphook, Hampshire,  - no doubt about that!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

We're suffering our own mini-breakdown ourselves this morning, due to being confined to our home, having been detailed to "stay in", for an important delivery from Royal Mail. Yes, the delivery is our 15-year-old rockstar grandson Isaac's present on the occasion of his forthcoming 16th birthday, the present ordered by his parents: our daughter Alison and her hotshot lawyer-husband Edward, currently on a well-earned holiday in Mallorca, in the Spanish Balearic Islands, would you believe!

our daughter Alison, who with husband, hotshot London lawyer Edward, is currently

on holiday in Mallorca with their 3 teenage kids: Josie, Rosalind and Isaac

Young Isaac's excitement at his approaching 16th birthday is perhaps tempered by anxiety - his boy-girl rock band New Horizon has had to appear this week without him, just over the county line in Surrey, at Guildford's iconic "Boileroom" venue, where internationally-known artists such as Ed Sheeran made their debuts long ago! 

Isaac assures us, however, that the band's first "Isaac-less" 'gig' went off without incident anyway, and that not many people were there in the audience, this being the first week of the school summer holidays, which is reassuring to hear! So that's all good haha!!!

(left) Isaac's boy-girl band New Horizon has had to appear this week

without group-leader Isaac, currently on holiday with his family in Mallorca,

and (right) the band seen here in happier times, with Isaac on vocals,

opening up this month's Haslemere Fringe Festival on the 'big stage'

Go Isaac !!!!

Meanwhile Lois and me, confined to our house here in Liphook, awaiting Isaac's crucial Royal Mail delivery this morning, make the best use of our time here, with some small victories in the house, and, as the crucial delivery comes around noon, there is no disruption to our afternoon in bed, for 'statutory nap-time', which is a nice bonus!

Yes, today is very much a productive day again, I can exclusively reveal! I manage to put back our crazy larder door onto its hinges with my 'killer' screwdriver (!), and Lois and I even manage somehow to find time to cram all our family-history data - like, a billion files and pictures, more probably (!) - onto a tiny memory stick, which means we can now safely 'de-commission' our obsolete desktop and two obsolete laptops, which is nice!

(left) me with my 'killer' screwdriver, a crucial aid in my putting our larden

door back on its hinges, where it belongs (!), and (right) the tiny memory stick

onto which Lois and I manage to cram, like, a billion files and pictures

from our family history studies - what a crazy world we live in !!!!

Yes, what a crazy world we live in !!!!!

These little triumphs, however, are balanced by a setback when ordering our groceries from Ocado, our usual source. I spend about 45 minutes inputting our order, and then find that the Ocado website (a) won't let me check out, and (b) won't let me empty my trolley and start again. Plus their stupid customer service chatbot isn't accepting queries at the moment, for unexplained reasons, leaving me with no choice but to abandon my "trolley", with 38 items in it, worth £100 (!!!!), and just order all the same things again from Ocado's bitter rival, Sainsbury's. 

And because my Ocado 'trolley' is a purely digital, I can't just, irresponsibly, dump it in a river, or lake, for example. My trolley is going to be there, polluting the internet for all time - what madness (again) !!!!!

some typical supermarket trollies dumped irresponsibly in some river,

can be cleared by supermarket staff, if with a lot of difficulty, whereas my trolley 

being purely digital, is doomed to pollute the internet for all time,

which is a pity - although I'm powerless to do anything about it!!!!

What a day of ups and downs, to put it mildly!!!!

And there are more ups and downs tonight as we watch a weird film about a Japanese woman, who loves calligraphy, which she thinks looks at its most beautiful when painted on her skin, so she gets her lovers to have a go on her with their brushes - what madness (again) !!!!

It's all about a Japanese woman, Nagiko, who acquires an early taste for "body-calligraphy" and poetry, and also for keeping a diary, modelled on the classic Japanese novel "The Pillow-Book of Sei Shonagon", diary of a medieval Japanese noblewoman.

Nagiko espouses her heroine's motto: "I am certain that there are two things in life which are dependable: the delights of the flesh, and the delights of literature. And I have had the good fortune to enjoy them both equally!"

It all goes wrong for young teenage Nagiko, however, after her parents cajole her into an arranged marriage, because, unfortunately, Nagiko's "arranged husband" refuses to take part in her body-painting shenanigans, calling them "trivial" and "a waste of time". What madness!!!!

young bride Nagiko - her 'arranged husband' calls her

body-painting shenanigans 'trivial' and 'a waste of time' - what madness!

As a result of her husband's attitude, Nagiko decides to dump him and fly away to colonial Hong Kong, where she meets a nice English boy - Jerome, or some-such name, who shares her tastes, or at least is ready to go along with them. 

Jerome can't understand Japanese characters and poetry, so Nagiko makes do on him with some English-language favourites like "The Quick Brown Fox.... etc etc", which is a good compromise, we think!

Nagiko's new "squeeze", Jerome, can't read Japanese characters,

so she substitutes some classic English phrases, which is nice!

We see the couple making a real mess writing on each other with paintbrushes in their newspaper-strewn bed and in their bedroom bathtub, in their Hong Kong apartment.

Lois and I can't help feeling sorry for the couple's long-suffering maid, however, who is constantly having to change their messy sheets and towels, and give them all a jolly good wash, to put it mildly!

Poor maid !!!!

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!!

Lois and I have never been tempted to go in for any of this body-calligraphy "malarkey", as we call it! We haven't got a maid, but we certainly wouldn't want to expose our poor washing-machine to all the consequent, repetitive work that this kind of hobby, of necessity, involves.  

Call us dyed-in-the-wool conservatives if you like - NO PUN INTENDED!!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!!

Tuesday July 21st 2026 "Wondering why scientists aren't finding any fossils these days? Well, wonder no more!!!"

Yes, Friends, have YOU ever wondered why scientists aren't "turning up" fossils any more, seemingly?

Well, wonder no more, because, according to today's Onion News,  it seems some of these scientists are just "sitting on them" - and let's just hope, for the scientists' sake,  that they're not the "pointy" kind haha!!!

Kudos, that man! And it looks like Terrell's chance discovery could prove to be something of a game-changer for palaeontology - so watch this space!!!!

And reading Terrell's story today, here in partially-picturesque Liphook, Hampshire, brings a near-radiant smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, history buffs extraordinaires(!), that's for sure! 

Like Terrell, we too are taking a little walk of discovery of our own today, not through any dusty old museum, but over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes Liphook United, who once again have avoided relegation from the East Hampshire Premier League to the lowly "burial ground" of East Hampshire Division One", a daring feat which is becoming a bit of an annual 'fixture' of its own - no pun intended!!!!

And what we discover is another possible game-changer: lots of bits of mysterious plastic sheeting over certain parts of the club's "hallowed turf", which is mad! Laid by aliens perhaps? But your views welcome - postcards only, needless to say !!!!

the mysterious pieces of plastic sheeting, seemingly marking 

the quickest route to Liphook United's club bar, sheeting which has 

been laid - by aliens???? - during our recent 3 week absence 

And today is also a bit of a celebration, from our viewpoint, because it's our first "walk of discovery" together for about 3 weeks, would you believe, due partly to the heatwave, but also due to the recent 3-week visit of our daughter Sarah and family from Perth, Australia, which, while being totally joyous, kicked our previous routine life "out of the park", if you'll forgive yet another soccer metaphor!

[That's enough soccer! - Ed]

flashback to July 2nd - Lois and I visit the top of London's "Shard",

the tallest building in Western Europe, together with our daughter

Sarah and her family: (left to right) Sarah, me, our twin granddaughters

Lily and Jessica, Lois, and our son-in-law Francis

What madness it all is, isn't it !!!!

Famously one of Liphook's busiest couples, Lois and I also somehow find time today to get Lois's hair cut and styled by Lois's athletic stylist Anna, and also to get Lois's blood its annual test at our local surgery, somehow managing also to "squeeze in" another afternoon in bed, in between, would you believe!

Busy busy busy!!!!

our busy day - a haircut for Lois from her stylist Anna, with me in the "husband chair",

and a visit to our local NHS surgery for Lois's annual blood test - what madness!

Yes, it's "all go" today, once again!  What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

As Lois and I, retired now for 20 years, always say to ourselves - "How did we ever find the time to go to work, back in the day?!!!!"

And to try and answer that question, we decide tonight to watch a new series about my old workplace, "The Undeclared War", even though it turns out not to be ideal pre-bedtime viewing, to put it mildly!

And star of the series Simon Pegg, when asked by the Radio Times "Have you ever been allowed inside the real GCHQ?", answers, "Several times. They have been really accommodating. I grew up near Cheltenham, my school was about 5 miles away from GCHQ, so we knew we were in the hot zone for a nuclear attack - which, in the mid-1980's was always going to happen 'tomorrow'. So it's a moment of circularity in my life that I've ended up making a show about it". 

Tonight, I can't resist googling Pegg, and I discover that yes indeed, the young Simon did indeed attend the seemingly unremarkable Brockworth Comprehensive School in the 1980's, just down the road between Cheltenham and Gloucester:

(left, centre) film-star Simon Pegg as a young boy, and (right)

Brockworth Comprehensive School, officially opened in 1972.

Awwww, bless his little short trousers haha !!!!!

Lois and I watch most of tonight's first episode, and we both agree that, to us, it's all quite dry, dull stuff, with lots of excited voices shouting about cyber warfare and malware, sandbox computers and other randomised jargon words etc etc, which we suppose will fascinate some people - but what madness! I don't think that Lois and I are going to bother watching the rest of the series - call us intellectual snobs if you like haha!!! 

In this scene Simon Pegg's character gets told by a staffer that they've discovered some Russian malware targeting the White House. He then gets 'on the blower' to the Director of Cybersecurity Operations at NSA, GCHQ's US sister agency, to break the bad news:

And on an "authenticity" note, I notice that Simon Pegg and his staff consistently talk about "the NSA", when in the real GCHQ it's simply known office-wide as "NSA", without the definite article - and I don't think it's breaking the Official Secrets Act to reveal that fact, whether exclusively or otherwise haha!

staff portrayed in the series refer erroneously to "the NSA" (!),

using the definite article, which is a bit jarring to Yours Truly!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to "the bed"! - Ed]

22:00 We go to "the bed" - zzzzzzzz!!!!

Monday July 20th 2026 "Friends, have YOU ever struggled to survive a night in a persistently folding bed?"

Yes, Friends, have YOU ever struggled to control a folding bed that seemingly wants to "eat you alive"? It's happened to most of us, hasn't it, at one time or another!

Luckily, silent comedian Max Ruckle shows us how to survive a night on one of those things, according to an exclusive in today's Onion News!

Poor Ruckle!!!! 

Reading Ruckle's tragi-comic story today, however, brings a semi-vacuous smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, here in semi-rural Liphook, Hampshire this morning, no doubt about that!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

We're smiling, partly because today we've been struggling to pack away our own folding beds - the ones we put up for the recent visit of our daughter Sarah and family, who flew in from Perth, Australia for a 3-week stay with us at the end of June, and who are today back home in Perth, experiencing the joys of restarting work.

And, in the case of our 12-year-old twin granddaughters Lily and Jessica, they're experiencing the joys of starting so-called "Term 3" at their private Church of England school, deep in the depths of the Australian winter, would you believe!!!!

me today, struggling to fold away the folding beds (no pun intended!!!!) we put up

to accommodate our daughter Sarah and family these last 3 weeks, after they

flew in to London's Heathrow Airport for their annual stay with us, which is nice!

Busy busy busy!!!! And you should have seen me struggling to hoover the carpets and get up all the crumbs from one too many midnight feasts, into the bargain !!!!

archive pictures of me wielding my wicked little 'hoover' (!)

[Is that all you two 'noggins' have done today, Colin? Put away a couple of folding beds, and done a bit of light hoovering ? - Ed]

Absolutely not! We somehow also found time after lunch to wallow in nostalgia watching the rerun of 1980-1990's hit Australian soap opera "Neighbours", the series that our two then-young-teenage daughters became hooked on, eventually dragging Lois and me, 'kicking and screaming', into the show's enthusiastic army of followers!

What a madness it all seems now !!!!!

flashback to 1990: Lois and me with our daughters Alison (15) 

and Sarah (13), in the Forest of Dean, Gloucestershire,

when we four were the centre of the universe, and "Neighbours"

was on "the box" every day of the week - what madness!!!!

And today, Lois and I even delay our afternoon in bed to catch the very first episode on the U+Drama channel, you know, the episode where mild-mannered bank-manager Des's wedding gets sabotaged, during his 'bucks party' (ie. "stag party" in standard English (!)), by Des's steamy encounter with cheeky local stripper Daphne!

Did you notice how young everybody looks in those far-off early episodes? Des looks about 12 and far too young either to get married, or to get mixed up with a stripper at his 'bucks party' !!!!!

(left) mild-mannered bank manager, and (right) cheeky local stripper

Daphne, who gets hired for the 'bucks party', effectively sabotaging Des's wedding haha!!!!

Even Neighbours-stalwarts, and 'elder statesmen' figures, Paul and Jim Robinson look like little more than mere boys!!!!!

(left) Paul Robinson and (right) Jim Robinson

What madness, isn't it !!!!!

And do you remember, years later when Jim (played by Alan Dale) got 'killed off' by the writers, after he asked for more money? That'll teach him haha!!!

Jim Robinson (Alan Dale) in less happy times, when he gets killed off (bottom left)

on screen by the writers, after the actor had asked for more money haha!!!!

19:00 And this evening, luckily, there are signs on TV that even this summer of sports madness is starting to wind down a bit, which is a comfort! 

Lois and I suspect that the Soccer World Cup and Wimbledon, at least, must be over, because there doesn't seem to be any sign of either of them in tonight's schedules, and on the contrary - sign of hope - the Monday night quizzes are back, and with a vengeance!

And what a joy, for Lois and me, to wallow in the first programme in a new series of Only Connect, which tests lateral thinking.

Can YOU spot the connection between these 4 seemingly unrelated 'things' ?

Yes, of course! 

They're all 'things' that can be used, as verbs, to describe various cooking methods, i.e. 'grill',  'roast', 'poach' and 'boil'.

Simples !!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!