Sunday April 12th 2026 "Have YOU ever been stuck under a pile of vegetables?"

Yes, Friends, have YOU ever found yourself stuck under a pile of vegetables? It happens to us all at one time or other in our lives, doesn't it! And it's fear of the next such incident, maybe waiting in the wings, that haunts a lot of people, even if they have otherwise seemingly successful careers!!!

Even Prime Ministers are not exempt from that almost universal, primordial danger, would you believe, according to this morning's Onion News - see page 94 !!!!

Poor Zoran!!!!

Piles, not just of vegetables, but of non-food items, are certainly an increasingly unavoidable danger, aren't they! 

And reading about Zoran's plight today brings a bemused smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, as we sit waiting for the Sunday Morning Meeting to start, here at Lois's church in semi-tree-covered Petersfield, Hampshire, no doubt about that, to put it mildly!!!

(right) my wife Lois and me, waiting for the Sunday Morning Meeting to begin,

at a village hall somewhere near Petersfield, Hampshire this morning, to put it mildly!

"But why the smiles from you and Lois, Colin?", I hear you cry!!!

Well, you see, we're very conscious of the fact that, as we sit here waiting for the meeting to start, just 15 miles away, our daughter Alison, and husband Edward, are starting the day trying to shift some massive piles of firewood in the huge 6.5 acre grounds of their decaying Victorian Mansion. 

"Rather them than us!", is what Lois and I say, in chorus !!!

The more they move the pile of firewood around their grounds, it seems to get bigger with every move, which is mad! They post some terrifying pictures on social media (see above!!!), and later, they tell us all the nightmare details in person this afternoon, when they drop round to see us, and to accept, gratefully a sit-down and a cup of tea in mine and Lois's humble abode, here in nearby semi-rural Liphook, Hampshire, to put it mildly!!!!

(above) our daughter Alison, with husband Edward, drop in to see Lois and me

this afternoon, after a punishing day trying to clear a large pile of firewood

in the grounds of their decaying Victorian mansion in nearby Headley, Hampshire

What madness!!!!

But what can you do?!!! Anarchic, piles of this and that, self-reproducing and getting totally out of hand, are just one of the least-discussed 'forces of nature' in our  crazy world, aren't they, that's for sure, trying to thwart us poor humans in everything we try to do, which is totally mad!!!

Another 'force of nature', and one that isn't often highlighted, is the havoc that can be wrought by vicious gangs of crows, would you believe! 

During mine and Lois's weekly 'catch-up zoom call' with our other daughter Sarah, 9000 miles away in Perth Australia, reveals that a bunch of crows have been 'making mincemeat' of the family's new lawn, laid over several months by Sarah's husband Francis. 

(left) Lois and me talking on  zoom today to our daughter Sarah in Perth, Australia,

and to her delightful 12-year-old twin daughters Lily and Jessica (right)

Sarah says that these tough neighbour crows have been descending on husband Francis's newly laid turf and making lots of holes in it, trying to get to, and eat (!) if you please (!!!), some of their favourite insects. Over the last few days Sarah and Francis have been taking turns to be "on watch" to scare the crows off whenever necessary.

Francis says the gang has even posted a 'lookout' on one of their garden trees, to sound a warning whenever either he or Sarah emerges from the house. And this 'lookout crow' knows the car that Francis drives, and Sarah says he sounds the alarm even when Francis is a hundred feet away speeding up along their street.

flashback to last August: a whatsapp video call with our daughter Sarah,

and twin daughters Lily and Jessica, with (right) a shot of poor husband

Francis starting to lay a new lawn at their home north of Perth, Australia

Poor Francis !!!!

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!!

At least we don't live on the moon, is what Lois and I say! 

And we're not alone, apparently, as we find out this evening when we watch last night's edition of the Jonathan Ross Show, which focuses on the flight this week of the Atlantis mission to the other side of the moon.

When the subject comes up of the Atlantis moon mission, Ross points out the results of a survey of British reactions to the flight, in which half of those surveyed said they would turn down any offer to let them travel to the moon.

And Ross's comments are scathing about us Brits, and rightly so! 

"Have you ever seen a more British reaction that that! The chance to explore the most distant places humans have dared to journey to, and half of us have gone, 'No you're all right, I'll just go out and sit in the garden, thank you!". 

And the reasons given by respondents to the survey? 

Well, twenty three percent of Brits were just 'not interested' - and didn't even give a reason: just a quick "No, not for me!". Three percent even said that it would be too claustrophobic. This is the same nation, Ross comments, that's prepared to fly on a packed Ryanair jet to the Med, would you believe!

Six per cent said they didn't want to go to the moon, 'because there's nothing to do there'. So they're basically holding off until somebody builds a Moon Wetherspoons, Ross says, and then maybe they'll go. 

What a crazy country we live in !!!!!

[That's enough madness! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!

Saturday April 11th 2026 "Surely, not another new horse from Calumet!!! Those guys are really fizzing these days!!!"

Yes, Friends, have you seen the latest horse that those clever people from Calumet Farms are debuting this week? It's total madness, isn't it!

Onion News has the details - and what a photo, with it !!!!! 

And at our lovely home in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, the story has quite a topical significance for my wife Lois and me, and also a weird relevance, a relevance which we discuss today over a hasty lunch of toasted bacon-and-brie sandwiches, or is it a toasty lunch of hasty sandwiches (?). 

Comes to the same thing, doesn't it, in the last analysis, when all is said and done, and eaten!!!!

my wife Lois and me, sharing a hasty lunch of toasted sandwiches,

or a toasted lunch of hasty sandwiches - take your pick haha!!!!

Horses for couples - it sounds like the perfect soundtrack for a novel by the UK's most popular 'bonkbuster' novelist, Jilly Cooper - with all her books' atmosphere of riding crops and sweaty jodhpurs, to put it mildly!

(left) authoress Jilly Cooper with horse, and two young male admirers,

and (right) one of Jilly's most popular 'bonkbuster' novels, "Riders"

You see, here in Liphook, Lois and I, 'for our sins' (!) run the local U3A online "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" group. Having become veritable experts in Intermediate Danish, due to our long association with Denmark, the country where our daughter Alison and family lived for 7 years, Lois and I have become very much a couple of trailblazers in promoting interest in the Intermediate Danish language, when it comes to East Hampshire, anyway! 

(left) me and Lois conducting another rowdy on-line meeting of our local 

"Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" group, and (centre, right) our first-ever

visit to Denmark, back in 2013, after our daughter Alison and family moved there

To be frank, the study of Intermediate Danish isn't particularly 'mainstream' here in East Hampshire, even with the area's throngs of 'old codgers' - not yet, at least! So, for the moment, Lois and I find ourselves 'ploughing a bit of a lonely furrow' here locally, trying to popularise this all-too-often neglected language, which is a thankless task at times!!! You would not believe!!!!

For many years, our little online group has been reading a long series of Danish whodunnits together, quite happily, a lot of them by popular Danish crime-writer Anna Grue, but recently Lois and I have sensed that our members are getting a bit tired of the constant murders, not to mention all the post-murder 'sleuthing' and other Scandi high-jinks (!). 

(left) me and Lois, and (centre, right) Danish crime novelist Anna Grue, with the murder

mystery that our little Danish group is currently reading - "Judaskysset" (the Judas Kiss)

One of Anna Grue's books has the title "One Murder Too Many" [Danish: Et Mord For Meget]. Is that title sending our little group a message, maybe? Is it a case of "One Murder Story Too Many" ? 

I wonder....!

Danish crime-writer Anna Grue, with her novel

"Et Mord For Meget" (English: "One Murder Too Many" - yikes!)

And one of our predominantly female group-members actually said to me, "Oh not another 'Nordic noir' potboiler, Colin!", as I introduced our latest 'project', adding, "Can't we read something a bit more Jilly Cooper?".

Well, we'll see! But Jilly is so English, isn't she, and searching for a Danish Jilly Cooper seems to be just one more difficult, not to say time-consuming, task for Yours Truly, but I'll try my best, so watch this space!

some typical Jilly Cooper 'bonkbuster' novels - 

too English for the Danes perhaps? I wonder.....!

But your ideas welcome - postcards only!!!!

20:00 Evening falls, and at last Lois and I can relax on the sofa, after another full day, with me working on Intermediate Danish vocab lists for our little online group of 'old codgers', and Lois busy in the garden doing some more 'muck-spreading' (!). She's also somehow found time to make a batch of scones, the first two of which we sample on the sofa together tonight. Yum yum!

our busy day: Lois 'muck-spreading in the garden' and baking a batch of scones

(with copious hand-washing in between (!)), and me working on my Danish vocab lists 

What a crazy life we lead!!!!!

We switch on the telly to see a re-run of a 1975 programme from "The Good Old Days" series, which tried to recreate the atmosphere of an Edwardian evening of old-style music-hall entertainment.

And how nice tonight to see actor John Inman, before he achieved worldwide fame in "Are You Being Served?", the sitcom series in which he played camp department store menswear salesman "Mr Humphries".

Here is early-period John in tonight's show, singing and dancing in tandem with his then showbiz partner Barry Howard, as a pair of "pantomime dames", lamenting the decline of that much-missed traditional form of British entertainment.

Fabulous stuff, isn't it!

[If you say so! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!

Friday April 10th 2026 "Are YOU and YOUR PARTNER 'expecting'? It's all a bit of a lottery, isn't it!!!"

Yes, Friends, are you and your partner currently "expecting", and hoping for some sort of 'happy event'? 

It's all a bit of a lottery, however, isn't it, although one local couple have got some definite ideas in that department, ideas that they're already 'firming up', according to this morning's Onion News for East Hampshire - check out page 94!

Poor Mr and Mrs Bevers!!! Let's just call it 'a near miss', however, and "Kudos! Better luck next time!", is what my wife Lois and I say as we read the story this morning, here in semi-obsolete Liphook, Hampshire this morning, to put it mildly!!!!

And Lois and I soon find ourselves discussing the Bevers' predicament, with some amusement, on our near-daily walk, which today takes us over nearby Chapel Common, a local beauty spot advertised (without evidence!!!), and in a rather "hoity-toity" way, if you ask us (!), as "a site of special scientific interest", if you please !!!!!

my wife Lois and me this morning, enjoying our near-daily walk, which today takes us

over Chapel Common, advertised without evidence, as "a site of special scientific interest" (!)

Certainly couples, whether it's the Bevers or any other marital or extra-marital 'hook-ups' (!), are getting a lot of extra help from local communities and services these days, that's for sure, which can only be a good thing!

And just this morning, Lois and I were delighted to discover that even the NHS is now offering "couples' COVID jabs" on their online booking site, which is a nice surprise. No more 'having to book separately and hoping that the two 'jabs' will be in the same location at approximately the same time! 

Those particular nail-biting days are all in the past - just "history", at least in Yours Truly and Mrs Yours Truly's so-called 'hospital district of East Hampshire', which is nice!

And you know what they say - 'couples that get their shot together, slot together' (!), as the old adage has it!

Not so great as the NHS online booking site, however, is the organisation's telephone access, with its long waiting times spent during calls, listening to horrible 'muzak'' and being told, by a weird electronic voice, that 'you are now 23rd in the queue' or something similar. What madness isn't it!

That's why Lois and I drop in in person at our local doctor's surgery office this morning - I have to make an appointment for my annual check-up, and, quite honestly, it's easier to just drive over there and book the appointment in person, over the counter with the receptionist, rather than phone up, which is totally mad! 

Satisfaction turns to disquiet, however, when we get home and find that the receptionist has forgotten to put any instructions in the kit for my urine test, which is a pain - but thank heavens for YouTube, where there's sure to be a 'how to' video on the subject, so fingers crossed!!!!!

(left) our doctor's surgery waiting room, where Lois and I sit while the receptionist

'powders her nose' (!), and (right) later, my bewilderment at home, puzzling

over the urine test kit, which doesn't include instructions - what madness!!!

Apart from the excitement of our doctor's waiting room this morning, I'm happy to report a nice, restful day for Lois and me today, with Lois outside in the garden attacking 'the auld enemy' - dandelions on the lawn, and me indoors, preparing vocab lists for the local U3A "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" course, which we jointly lead, "for our sins" (!).

Lois and me today: (left) Lois fighting 'the auld enemy' - dandelions on the lawn,

and (right) me working on vocab lists for our "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" group

- what madness !!!!

Lois and I started our joint interest in Intermediate Danish during the 7 years our daughter Alison and her family were living and working in Copenhagen, between 2012 and 2018.

flashback to 2017: Lois and me with our daughter Alison, at 'Hamlet's Castle',

Elsinore, Denmark, during her family's residence in Copenhagen 2012-2018

For the last 7 years or so, however, Alison and family have been back in England, currently living just 10 miles away from us, over the county line in Churt, Surrey. And it's Alison who, in general, takes responsibility for ensuring that her 'old codger' parents don't get into too much trouble as they 'kick over the traces' in their 'second childhood' or is it our third haha (!).

However, Alison is not around this morning. She's spending the day, with 'middle child' Rosalind (17), over in Bath, Somerset, the city which Rosalind has selected as her 'second choice' university location after UCL London, if they gets her expected grades in her A-Levels this summer.

flashback to last month and my 80th birthday Thai meal: (left) me with

our daughter Alison (50) and Alison's daughter Rosalind (17)

Alison and Rosalind have decided to go to Bath by train, which looks complicated, no doubt about that: two different railway companies  and three changes of train, at Woking, Basingstoke and Reading. What madness, isn't it!!!!

(above) our daughter Alison (50) and granddaughter Rosalind (17) and their

complicated journey today to Bath: and (below) Alison today at Bath's iconic Royal Crescent

Bath is a charming old city, with lots of Regency period architecture, and a whole change of pace from Rosalind's first choice university of UCL London, and Lois and I wonder whether young Rosalind will be charmed into making Bath her preferred choice after all. Well, we'll have to see - so watch this space!!!!

21:00 Obviously, as grandparents, not to mention pillars of the local community (!), Lois and I feel it's our duty to keep up with the English of the Gen Z generation, but it can be difficult at times, to put it mildly (!). 

Luckily for Lois and me, however, there's some help tonight with "Gen Z speak", during this week's edition of popular news quiz "Have I Got News For You", which tonight is hosted by celebrity gardener, TV's Monty Don.

Old codgers like Lois and me might refer to the following iconic scene from classic comedy "Carry On Matron" (see below!), as actors Kenneth Williams and Hattie Jacques going in for "a bit of hanky-panky", but if we did, the chances are that any Gen Z people within earshot wouldn't have a clue as to what we were talking about, programme panellist Paul Merton explains, citing a new survey published this week in the Daily Star.

Apparently, 67% of Gen Z respondents say that they've never heard the phrase 'hanky-panky' before. And the paper goes on to detail the top 10 of all such euphemisms well known to mine and Lois's generation.

Here, as far as Gen Z are concerned, are innuendo numbers 10 up to 2 in the "not understood" Top Ten.

And least understood of all, apparently, is "how's your father", which is mad! Surely, we all say that one, don't we?!!!

Chairman Monty Don is particularly concerned that 71% of Gen Z respondents didn't know the meaning of 'making love'.

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!