Tuesday November 19th 2024 "Seen any snow lately? Well, some of us have, in spades, or shovels, haha!!!"

Friends, did it snow in your "neck-o'-the-woods" last night? Well, if it did, and you're a parent, I hope you made sure your junior-school-age children spent the night inside the house, safely tucked up in bed, or did you forget to check again (!) ??? Oops!!!!!!

And maybe you even took further precautions, like this local family from the lovely Worcestershire village of Nob End. Did you see the Wallace family's story in this morning's Onion News print edition? See page 94 for these heart-warming details!

But wait - while you're on page 94, you'll see that there are "shedloads" - like a billion, almost a "legion" (in places (!)) - of other scary snow-stories from West Worcestershire's first snowfall of the winter, would you believe, and it's only mid-to-late-November !!!!!

Here are just some of those scary headlines, but I think they may be just the "tip of the iceberg" (no pun intended!!!!):

Well, my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I certainly wake up to some of those "blankets of snow" here in our lovely new-build home in Malvern, Worcestershire, and no mistake! And we take a "cold-snap" decision (!), to hunker down and not go out today. Call us risk-averse if you like! [Not me, I gave up trying to reform you two crazy "noggins", like, a billion years ago! - Ed]

I showcase the scenes that my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I wake up to

this morning: even some of our granddaughters' old stuffed toys - 'Black-and-White-Cat' 

and his buddy 'Hoppy Bear' - look surprised to see this 'extreme' weather in mid-November.

What a crazy planet we live on !!!!

Ironically, the "owners" of those two stuffed toys in that picture above, our twin grandchildren Lily and Jessica, are "struggling" with the heat, at the moment, would you believe? That's because our daughter Sarah and husband Francis decided to leave the UK in September and start a new life (for the second time (!)) in Australia. And it was 91F (33C) in Perth at noon yesterday. 

What madness!!!!!

And today, Lois wastes no time this morning in "whatsapping" those pictures of Black-and-White-Cat and his pal Hoppy Bear to the twins over in Perth, 9000 miles away. Sarah replies to say that the twins are "loving that photo", which is nice!

Awwwwww!!!!!

flashback to February, and happier times: our daughter Sarah with 

twins Lily and Jessica before they moved to Australia, in Bedroom 3 

of our house, which also doubled as Black-and-White-Cat's "Office":

Hoppy is seated (left) and BWCat is hard at work on his office PC (right)

Awwww (again) !!!!!!

Apart from all that, not a bad day for us. Lois is a bit nervous, because she took a blood test yesterday at the surgery, and our GP said he would phone her about the results this morning - always a worry, when you're 78 'like what we are' [sic], to put it mildly!!! But everything seems okay, only minor issues, she has a new prescription to pick up at the pharmacy tomorrow, and the doctor is pleased with our super-healthy new diet and the weight we've lost: Lois half a stone (7 lbs) and even me 4 to 5 lbs, in the last couple of months, so that's all good.

(left) us yesterday at our GP's surgery for Lois's blood tests, and 

(right) Lois today taking the call from our GP to discuss the results...

..and this evening, us tucking into an example of one of 

our new-style "healthy meals" 

Yes, tonight, we're tucking into what Lois has dubbed "avocado galette surprise".

[What's the surprise? - Ed]

Well, the 'surprise' is simply.... that there's no surprise. Unlike all the TV chefs, Lois has daringly opted not to give it any kind of a "twist" of her own, which is nice!

So a good day for Lois, and also a good day for me, because I've had time to work on my so-called "presentation". For my sins (!), I'm the leader of the local U3A "History of English" group, and I've agreed to give a talk to our little group of "old codgers" on zoom this Friday afternoon all about 'Scots English' - the form of English spoken by many north of the border.

flashback to 2022, and a typical online meeting

of our group using the zoom software

I've found a real "doozy" of a Scots text which I'm going to ask the group to try and translate into "proper English" (!). See if YOU can understand it: it seems to be about some guy who's been caught stealing some "neddies" [= potatoes] from a farmer's field. And just in case your Scots is only basic-to-intermediate level, as is the case with most of us 'Sassenachs' (including Yours Truly (!)), I've provided a 'helpful' 'glossary'.

I'm not 100% sure, but I'm guessing that Tam is the guy who tried to steal some potatoes from a farmer's field and who unfortunately got shot at by the farmer. And Tam's wife is amazed about what Tam will do for a gunny-sack of potatoes, and lamenting that she personally would rather just have an egg on a piece of toast, than to have to pick the pellets out of Tam's backside, and I see her point!

Heavy stuff, though, isn't it. And isn't it also a bit disturbing that this short text has two completely different words for "backside" in it? How many words do the Scots need for this part of their anatomy? I think I should be told, don't you? 

Do send me your own personal favourite synonyms please (postcards only, as usual (!)).

Scottish women "checking out" a local man's "jeer" or "bool"

What madness !!!!

Sadly my presentation, also, is going to be a bit "heavy", to put it mildly, so I plan to start it with something a bit "on the lighter side". 

Who was it said that in heaven, the engineers are Scots, and the cooks are French, while in hell, the engineers are the Italians, the English are the cooks, or the Germans are the police, or the motorists are the French or that kind of "malarkey"??? 

To most of us U3A "History of English" group members, who grew up in the 1960's, "Scotty", the engineer from the sci-fi classic series Star Trek, is our picture of the archetypal Scotsman. And sadly, how many times a day do Lois and I find ourselves saying "Beam us up, Scotty" when life in the 2020s just gets far too much for us poor "old codgers" (!!!) ?

us in 1950: (left) me with my little sister Kathy and (right) Lois...

...and us in 2023 - yikes !!!!!

Oh dear! But be that as it may, I'm planning to start my so-called "presentation" with a few classic "Star Trek" scenes, to jog members' memories, like these "doozies"....

[That's enough classic Star Trek scenes! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!

Monday November 18th 2024 "Are YOU dissatisfied with YOUR local NHS?!!!"

Friends, here's a "doozy" of a question that I've got ready for you this morning - are YOU dissatisfied with the services of your local NHS Hospital Trust? 

Most of us are pretty unhappy about it at the moment aren't we. Sometimes it seems like we, the patients, are just here to serve the medical community rather than vice-versa, which purists are now saying is "the wrong way round". And it's glaringly obvious that the complaints in our local Onion News are becoming middling-to-frequent, on some days almost "legion" (!). Did you see this shocker in this morning's print edition (p.94) ?

And before you turn away, just glance down that p.94, and you'll see some of the other stories that are "trending" just at the moment - and don't forget, this is the journalistic haul from just one day's "beefs" (!).

Those headlines make pretty shocking reading, don't they, and my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I try not to think about them this afternoon, as we wait in our local NHS doctor's surgery for the practice nurse to give Lois some routine tests. 

We try to take our minds off the current press "furore", by regaling the other patients in the waiting-area with boasts about our daily walk this morning by the Worcester-Hereford railway line - we're anxious to tell the we saw a record 3 trains passing, indicating that local scare-stories about train cancellations are just "a bunch of hooey" (!).

while waiting in our local NHS doctor's surgery for the practice nurse

to administer some routine tests, we regale the other patients

with our "record-breaking walk" this morning - when we saw 3 trains

We're surprised but fellow-patients seem unimpressed with our star anecdote today, would you believe?!

[You don't say! - Ed]

So, in a further effort to cause a sensation, we pull out our "trump card" (no pun intended (!)) - the latest set of weekly amusing Venn diagrams, emailed to us today by Steve, our American brother-in-law: just take a look at this "doozy" (!!!):

Yes, "unplugging someone else's phone to plug yours in" - I think we've all been there, haven't we. It's part of the modern world isn't it, all this recharging of devices. 

Before our daughter Sarah moved to Australia 2 months ago, she would often bring her 11-year-old twin daughters Lily and Jessica to stay the weekend with us here in Malvern, and it was a regular nightmare at every bedtime, to trying to find sockets for my electric shaver and other devices, plus phones and i-pads belonging not just to me but to Lois, Sarah, Lily and Jessica. What a crazy world we live in !!!!

It used to drive Lois and me "potty" sometimes, so I just want to share with you this idea of ours that we came up with: a so-called "charging station". 

my brilliant idea; a "charging station" capable of

recharging, like, a billion devices!!!! Simples!!!!

See what I did there? Sheer genius isn't it - no wonder I'm praised so much locally, "in these here parts", as people say "in these here parts" (!).

[That's not what I've heard! - Ed]

flashback to mid-August: the last time our daughter Sarah

brought the twins to stay the weekend with Lois and me,

before jetting off to Australia to start a new life "down under" 

9000 miles away on the other side of the world- sob sob!!!

21:00 Lois and I go to bed on an interesting TV documentary all about beloved actor Jason Watkins' discovery that he had not just one but two ancestors in charge of prisoners in the Tower of London, at various times in the 16th and 17th centuries.

It was time of bitter religious conflict and bigotry between Catholic and Protestants, but it's heart-warming to learn that Watkins' ancestors found it in their hearts to put all that aside and be nice to their prisoners occasionally, allowing them special privileges they weren't supposed to be enjoying.

Awwww!!!!

The first of these two ancestors of Jason' was John Brydges, who was Lieutenant of the Tower when the Catholic Queen Mary locked up her Protestant sister, Princess Elizabeth - the future Elizabeth I, putting her under Brydges's supervision. The charge was that Elizabeth was plotting against the Queen to take the throne for herself.

Apparently Brydges had a heart of gold, however, and so he wasn't too hard on the young 20-year-old princess in his charge, which is nice to hear.  Historian Tracy Borman explains that Brydges gave the young princess privileges that he wasn't supposed to grant. Elizabeth was allowed to exercise, for example, and to leave her apartments to walk along the walls.

Apparently, food prepared in the Tower's kitchens was a bit "rubbish". Oh dear! And I expect Brydges himself was fed up with it, so this would have been a good excuse for him too to be eating something a bit nicer for once.

Poor Brydges!!!

However, there was a nasty surprise still to come for Brydges, because when the Constable of the Tower found about these secret "gourmet dinners for two", Brydges got the sack.

Poor Brydges (again) !!!!

For the young Princess Elizabeth, however, the story had a happy ending. Eventually Queen Mary agreed to release her young sister Elizabeth on the grounds that there was insufficient evidence to convict her of treason, so that was all good.

Jason's other ancestor who was in charge at the Tower a bit later on, was Sir Edward Hales, another nice man. It was again a time of bitter religious conflict and rivalry. England had been Protestant for over a 100 years, when the then king, James II, tried to take us back into the Catholic fold. 

When MPs retaliated against James by inviting the Protestant William of Orange to come over from Holland and take the throne away from James, Sir Edward Hales felt sorry for the King and helped him when he tried to escape to France by boat. One night James slipped away from his palace at Whitehall under cover of darkness, with just 3 companions, one of which was Hales.

"But why was that a catastrophic mistake, Colin?", I hear you cry. [Not me, I've given up on this blog post and gone to bed! - Ed]

Well, seeing as how you're agog to know (!), here's the account that history Tracy Borman gives us in the programme:

Oops !!!!!

Rookie error, Edward, to put it mildly!!! And Jason doesn't hesitate to express his disappointment over his ancestor's stupidity.

Oh dear! Naughty Edward !!!!

But fascinating stuff, isn't it! [If you say so! - Ed]

Will this do????

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!