Thursday October 15th 2026 "Friends, are YOU fluent in your own language? It's one way to make friends locally, that's for sure!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU fluent in your own language, or whatever language is spoken in YOUR neighbourhood?  If not, and you need inspiration, take as your "model" local man Ray Ayers, who's lived in the UK all this life and, by the age of just 57, has somehow found the time to develop a smattering of our country's colourful language - and you could do it too! 

You'll recognise Ray's face - that's for sure... it's plastered all over the front page of today's Onion News, so pick today's print edition out of the kitchen garbage and take a second look! You won't regret it!!!

Kudos, that man! 

And while you've got today's "Onion" in your hands, why not check out all the other stories in the paper's popular pull-out 'language supplement' - you'll be glad you did!

What madness isn't it! 

But at least these headlines bring a definite hint of a smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-hospitable Liphook, Hampshire, as we take our near-daily walk over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes Liphook United - nobody round here is going to argue with that statement, that's for sure!!!! 

And that's doubly certain, because today, there isn't anybody around here to argue with us, anyway haha!!!!

us this morning, with (left) Lois sitting in the club's famous management "dugout", 

where manager Ron Knee (59) holds court on Saturdays, Lois getting some sense of

how lonely it must be "at the top" (!), and me checking out the old clubhouse,

where the crowd - Sid and Doris Bonkers - traditionally grab a pre-match beer or three

at the iconic, if dilapidated, clubhouse bar - what a crazy place it is, isn't it, if I'm honest !!!!!

And certainly the very topic of "language" is on both our minds this morning, as we nervously await this afternoon's fortnightly online meeting of the online U3A "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" group, which we jointly run, "for our sins" !!

To get ourselves in the mood, we work out some Danish equivalents of some of local sports "journo" E.I. Addio's trademark expressions to describe the mood of the crowd (Sid and Doris Bonkers):

Certainly, local residents, dubbed by Lois and me as "The Lip-Hookers" (!) since we first moved to the town back in January 2025, have come to rely heavily on us whenever they need to conjure, as if "out of thin air", something vaguely Danish-sounding to impress their friends !

some typical "Lip-Hookers", as Lois and I have dubbed them,

waiting for the local football team, Liphook United,

to emerge from the clubhouse and start the game, hopefully (!)

And Lois and I have acquired quite a reputation locally as possibly the area's leading "Danish buffs" after they hear about our 7 years travelling to and from Denmark, when our daughter Alison and family were living in Copenhagen, from 2012 to 2018, so "Fair enough!" [Danish: fair nok"] - that's what Lois and I say!!!!

(left) flashback to 2014: Lois with our little Danish family - daughter Alison,

husband Edward and their 3 kids Josie (8), Rosalind (6) and Isaac (4) on one of

mine and Lois's early visits to see them in Copenhagen, and (right)

us attempting to control another rowdy online meeting of our local U3A

"Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" group - what madness, isn't it !!!!

However, sitting in front of our little laptop this afternoon speaking Danish isn't going to get us fit, physically at least (!), as we learn from tonight's fascinating ITV programme, which claims that just a few simple changes in life-style combined with, say, 5 minutes of daily exercises using household objects can really improve the fitness, even of dyed-in-the-wool "old codgers" like Yours Truly and my wife Lois - dubbed "Mrs Yours Truly" by Yours Truly, if that makes sense (!). [No! - Ed]

And tonight, the programme's "fitness pundit" Dr Kate, known as "The Old Codger's Young-to-youngish Friend" gives Lois and me three simple manoeuvres to keep us out of mischief, which is going to be useful!

These are Dr Kate's three "doozies" - so why not try them out for yourself haha!

(1) The sofa squat

For this exercise you sit on the sofa with your feet at about hip width in front of you, and then see how many times you can stand up and sit down again, without using your arms: just using your hamstring muscles in your legs, plus your "glutes" - the big muscles on our backs.

(2) Lifting tin cans

For this you have to take a tin can in each hand and lift them up to shoulder level. This exercises your deltoids - your shoulder-pad muscles, muscles that are important for e.g. lifting shopping-bags and putting them on the counter. They also work the triceps muscle in your arms, key for getting out of a bath, say.

(3) Feeling like a lemon (!)

This exercise is to aid better balance and muscle strength, Dr Kate says. 

As we get older, we can tend to use our eyes a little bit more, just for balance, if, say, we're trying to stand on one leg, as you do (!). If we're throwing a lemon from hand to hand, however, we've got to look at the lemon, so that takes our eyes out of the equation, forcing us to work our muscles harder to maintain balance. 

See? Simples!!!

And all this you can do without buying special equipment or taking out an expensive gym membership, which is a nice bonus!

I realise tonight, however, that there's one thing I've got to discourage Lois from doing, which is to follow the example of this elderly woman, who decided to learn aikido, the Japanese martial art.

Yikes! 

And if an ageing woman can throw a big, strong man across the room, what would Lois be able to do to a decidedly bookish and nerdy specimen, like Yours Truly?

It's just the stuff of nightmares haha!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!

Wednesday October 14th 2026 "Have YOU got a favourite sports stadium that holds a lifetime of memories for YOU?"

Yes, Friends, as sports fans, have YOU got a local sports stadium that makes YOUR toes maybe tingle, when you remember "the lads", and their heart-breaking defeats and their triumphant victories over the years?  

One thing's for sure - you can't keep stadia (to use the official plural term) out of the headlines, can you! Look at this morning's Onion News, and there's practical nothing else in it but "stadia stories", would you believe, which is totally mad !!! Check out page 94, if you want proof !!!!

It's all a bit "over-the-top" isn't it, but let's hope that those Somali Pirates get picked up and brought in for questioning, at the very least, when they try and transit the Suez Canal perhaps with that iconic stadium still "in tow" behind them (!). 

Let's hope the Navy is feeling "on the ball" and "up to the job" this morning - just saying!!!

[That's enough whimsy! - Ed]

But for sure, all those "stadia stories" bring a brief hint of a smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-carnivorous Liphook, Hampshire - that's one story that's not open to doubt!!!! And we're still laughing when we take our near-daily walk over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes, Liphook United, which is mad!

It's actual our first "near-daily" walk for over 2 weeks, after Lois put her back seriously out one crazy Thursday night, and it's amazing how quickly we can get "out of shape" - witness our slightly puffy, and exhausted appearance, to put it mildly, as we gaze into the windows of the semi-abandoned, dilapidated, so-called "club house", keen to check the team selection for the upcoming "needle match" with deadly local rivals "Southsea Sports", teams neck and neck in the so-called "relegation zone" of the East Hampshire Premier League - exciting times!!!!

Although the right to call the squad's "clubhouse" 'dilapidated' might be challenged by some, it looks to me as if it's already lost most, if not all, of its "lapids" - in this humble blogger's eyes at least,  to put it mildly!

I've always had the secret dream of being a sports journalist, and as Lois and I survey the slightly seedy stadium, I remember some of the classic reports on rival team Neasden United by the sports journalist supreme, the famous E.I. Addio, in lifestyle magazine Private Eye, back in the 1970's - remember those? 

Addio certainly set the bar high for sports "journos "ever since, didn't he! Here's a typical match report from back in the day, when the Neasden 'lads' were playing local rivals Dollis Hill:

And Lois and I remember how, after that unpropitious beginning, the match and its disappointing result were a foregone conclusion - oh dear!

Marvellous stuff, though, wasn't it!

They don't write match reports like that any more, do they! 

[At least something there to be grateful for, there, perhaps ! - Ed]

And looking at those pictures of Lois and me this Wednesday morning, treading Liphook's "hallowed turf" etc etc, I can't help feeling that we certainly look a bit "puffed out", as we "power through" another morning of tightly-scheduled appointments - a visit to our NHS doctor's surgery to pick up a urine sample kit for a routine annual check-up, and also somehow finding time to drop into the nearby Coop mini-supermarket for a few essentials - busy busy busy!!!

Now retired for an incredibly stressful 20 years, we wonder how we ever found the time to go to work, back in the day!!!!

another manic morning for us - queuing at our local NHS doctor's surgery

to pick up a urine sample bottle for a routine annual health check, somehow

also finding time afterwards to drop by the local Co-op Mini-Supermarket

for a few "grocery essentials" - busy busy busy!!!!

Busy busy busy!!!

And I start to daydream - perhaps even Yours Truly could get myself a less stressful life-style if I could only land a typical "old codger" job at the local newspaper, the Liphook Herald, reporting every Saturday on "the lads" and their "footie" matches, from the bar of the so-called "clubhouse", which would give me, for free, the perfect "by-line" - QUOTE "special report from Colin, our man at the clubhouse window" UNQUOTE.

I wonder....!

One thing's for sure - I wouldn't have wanted veteran BBC reporter John Simpson's job, who's been reporting on the world's trouble-spots for an incredible 60 years as we find out from the man himself in last night's special documentary, "John Simpson - 60 Years at the BBC".

What a different world it was, back in 1966, when Simpson joined the BBC as a fresh-faced young 22-year-old. His first impression was that BBC was still "stuck in the 1930's", and still dominated by veterans of the wartime reporting days of World War II, he tells us tonight. 

In those days, incredibly, it just "wasn't done" for reporters to ask politicians questions outside of scheduled press conferences. However, rookie reporter Simpson, hadn't been told this, crucially (!). 

And when asked to cover a rumour that UK Prime Minister Harold Wilson was thinking of calling a general election, Simpson found that Harold Wilson reacted with irritation, and indeed reacted physically, when Simpson dared to try to breach the journalistic code of the times, just as Wilson emerged one morning in 10 Downing Street.

Boiling over with indignation at what he saw as the "subservience" of the world's press, Simpson decided to act -  the young scamp !!!!

However, Simpson wasn't allowed to complete his question, because Wilson unexpectedly "turned nasty" on him - oh dear!

Yikes!!! Poor Simpson!!!!

And it makes me have second thoughts about a possible "late-flowering" journalistic career for Yours Truly, covering Liphook United home matches. I certainly wouldn't want to be "walloped in the stomach" by any ageing, tight-lipped, ashen-faced 'supremo'  such as Neasden United manager Ron Knee (59).

That kind of "walloping" could prove fatal at my advanced age haha!!! Just saying!!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!!

Tuesday October 13th 2026 "Friends, have YOU become pregnant, in the MODERN way, I mean?!!! It's all done so differently now, isn't it!!!"

Yes, Friends, have YOU ever become pregnant in the MODERN way, you know, the way that everybody's talking about? If not, maybe it's time to "get with it" and just "do it" like all the young bucks and their 'squeezes' are doing it these days!!!

One thing's for certain, getting pregnant is changing, like everything else, seemingly. However, getting pregnant is still popular, and you just can't keep it out of the headlines, apparently, however hard you try!! 

Look at today's Onion News and their popular "Pregnancy News Supplement", if you don't believe me!!!!

All very heart-warming, certainly, but all a bit mad at the same time, isn't it (!). And in many cases highlighting the most difficult aspect of being pregnant: finding a name for the little "bundle of fun" that's going to "pop out" any day now, to judge by some of those pictures (see above!) to put it mildly!!!

And those stories featured above - not to mention all the others in today's Onion (!) - bring the merest hint of a grin, today, to the normally impassive faces of me and my wife Lois, here in semi-archaic Liphook, Hampshire - that's for sure!!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

As you probably know, Lois and I had two babies together back in the 1970's, and we recently made the decision to hold a special press conference, specifically to put a stop to all the seemingly endless speculation about when we were planning to have our third (!). 

Well, we are 80 now, so fair enough - that what we say! The press meeting hasn't happened yet, but full details will be given in due course so watch this space!

You see, we certainly don't want to find ourselves the subject of the popular Channel 4 reality show "22 Kids - And Counting!", shall we say, if I can put it like that? No disrespect to all of the amazing multi-spawning couples that "grace" the show every week, I want to stress !!!!

flashback to 1977: us showcasing our two offspring, Sarah and Alison,

inadvertently sparking speculation about a possible third on the horizon (?)

[Get on with it, the blog I mean! - Ed]

Certainly, one of the worries we would have over a potential third pregnancy for Lois would be, what to name the little scamp, if and when Lois eventually "popped" him, or her, as the case may be (!).

And this morning, as Lois and I sit in Liphook's iconic "Millennium Centre", with a bunch of other "old codgers", listening to a U3A talk on the History of Hampshire, we're astonished to hear about how Victorian nursing pioneer Florence Nightingale, one  of our county's "adopted daughters", got her name - that's for sure!!!

(left) our local Liphook U3A organisation for local "old codgers", and

(right) us this morning listening to a talk on the history of our county, Hampshire

And we're amazed to hear, also, how very modern in their approach to pregnancy were Florence's parents, William Nightingale and his wife Frances, "Fanny" to her friends. 

Like the many people today who have their coffee "on the go" or "on the move" instead of sitting down for it in a cafe or restaurant, the Nightingales had their babies "on the go", during their "Grand Tour of Europe": the result being two lovely little daughters, which was nice!

(left) the typical "Grand Tour of Europe", so popular with moneyed couples

in Victorian Britain, showing approximate birthplaces of the Nightingale girls,

and (right), for comparison purposes, the modern mania for "coffee on the go"

And this "babies on the move" policy also solved the knotty problem of what to call the little scamps, after they "popped": why not use as inspiration the place where they were conceived and given birth to? It all seems so obvious in retrospect, doesn't it! 

Yes, that's how it came to be that the couple's first little daughter was dubbed Parthenope - which is the old Greek name for Naples; and "Florence" for the second one. It isn't rocket science, is it!!!

 

(left) William Nightingale and wife Fanny, and (right) two of the cities they visited

on their Grand Tour of Europe, spawning their 2 daughters "on the go"

And the couple certainly beat modern couple David and Victoria Beckham to the punch, the couple who famously became puzzled about what to call their first offspring, eventually going with "Brooklyn", where their child was reportedly conceived. 

But what madness, wasn't it !!!!

(left) footballer David Beckham and wife Victoria, a.k.a."Posh Spice"

of The Spice Girls, with baby Brooklyn, with (right) a map of

the area of New York where the little scamp was reportedly conceived (!)

And Lois and I, sitting in Liphook's Millennium Centre this morning with a bunch of other "old codgers", and after hearing this month's talk "The History of Hampshire in 10 Objects" by local history buff Tony Cross, Lois and I come away with the feeling that Tony's, section on Florence Nightingale and her experiences tending wounded and sick British soldiers in the Crimean War, was very much the highlight of Tony's talk, from our perspective. 

Who knew, for example, that Florence, apart from her heroic career in military hospitals, where she discovered that far more men died from poor sanitation than from their war-wounds, was also probably the first person in the world ever to use pie-charts and other visual aids, all as part of her subsequent long campaign for greater discipline and sanitation methods in the profession? 

And in the era before computers, she couldn't just "press a button" and say "hey presto job done!", to put it mildly! Presumably her "stats "displays, like this one showing the different causes of death in the war would have had to be drawn and "coloured in" by hand. Imagine doing that!

And our lecturer this morning, stressed how much, in her youth, Florence had been educated far above the level normally considered adequate for young women of the period - hence her grasp of statistics, and later, when we look at her long campaign to improve the effectiveness of Britain's nursing profession and for improved sanitation generally.

It's interesting that Florence was great friends with another campaigner Herbert Spencer, but the two  differed greatly in their approach. Florence was a big enthusiast for action by government and local authorities to improve sanitation and hygiene. Her friend Spencer, on the other hand, as a laissez-faire libertarian, opposed action by the state, regarding it as an attack on individual freedom, and a disruption to the natural process of Darwinian evolution, i.e. (presumably!) killing all the 'insanitary' people off (if that makes sense! [No! - Ed], while nevertheless favouring action by the individual to improve his or her own personal hygiene. 

What a crazy world they lived in, back in those far-off days!!!!

(left) Florence Nightingale, whose experiences tending wounded and sick British soldiers

during the Crimean War, led her to campaign for state action to improve hygiene standards,

and (right) her friend Herbert Spencer, who believed it was up to the individual 

to improve his or her personal hygiene standards, regarding state action as a threat to liberty

12:45 Tony's fascinating lecture ends, after a mad gallop through the county's history, starting with 40 million years ago, when the county's many finds of shellfish fossils date from, not to mention shark's teeth found here, from when the whole area was covered by ocean, which was totally mad! 

And lecturer Tony also takes in, along the way, the probable assassination of William II in the New Forest in 1100 AD: the perpetrator was unknown, and so he may be still at large, although may never now be found, sadly! Plus all about the many things that have happened in Southampton, in the south of the county: the port where the Titanic sailed from, and the factory where they made the iconic Spitfire fighter that saved the country from the Nazis in 1940. 

All good stuff!!!

flashback to 1100 AD: William II ("William Rufus") is assassinated 

in the New Forest - the perpetrator may now never be found, which is a pity!

Tony's lecture ends, slightly over schedule, at 12:45pm. And as the other local "old codgers" drift pleasantly if a little aimlessly (!), out of the lecture room to enjoy a cup of coffee and a biscuit provided by volunteers in the building's foyer, poor Lois and I have to skip the coffee and rush out into the drizzly Liphook air, would you believe! 

But it's for a nice reason, because we've arranged to meet our dear daughter Alison (51), for lunch at Liphook's newest cafe, the delightfully named "The Moon & Cous".

Lois and me today, taking lunch at Liphook's newest cafe, The Moon & Cous,

with our daughter Alison (51), who lives in nearby Headley

Ali is partly seeking refuge from builders who've been working for the last 18 months, would you believe, renovating her family's crumbling Victorian mansion, work that's now way beyond schedule, which is mad! Today the builders have advised her that she would maybe like to "eat out", because they're "installing some sort of complicated lighting in her kitchen", warning her that they couldn't guarantee her safety if she decided to make her lunch there (!). 

What madness (again!) !!!!

At least, as of last month, the family are now back in their house again, after weeks when they were confined to a poky "shepherd's hut" in the mansion's 7.5 acre grounds, so that's progress of a sort! However, the builders warn that there are still, like, a billion small tasks - more probably! - that still remain to be finished off, which is crazy!

(left) builders at the crumbling Victorian mansion in Headley, which is home 

to our daughter Alison, plus husband Edward and their 3 kids, and (right) 

the shepherd's hut in the 7.5 acre grounds, where the family has had to retreat to, 

periodically, if only to escape the constant hammering (!). What madness!!!!

Lois and I are currently very much looking forward to next Sunday, because Alison and family have invited us to lunch there. Being Sunday, the builders will not be around, and Lois and I will, hopefully get our first look at the insides of the extensively renovated house, since we saw their furniture being carted out by movers to be put into storage, way back in April 2025, would you believe!

flashback to April 2025: Lois and I call at our daughter Alison's crumbling

Victorian mansion to watch movers empty the entire house of contents and furniture,

taking it all off to storage units: (left) Lois and Alison in the former entrance hall,

and (right) Alison herself, being "photobombed" by one of her friendly "movers"

- what madness!!!!!

And there you have it - the "headlines" from mine and Lois's day, here on "just another crazy Tuesday in Liphook" (!).

So-called "Onion News", eat your heart out haha!

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!

[That's enough madness! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!