Sunday November 1st 2026 "There's always SOMETHING happening in the world of fish, isn't there - my goodness!!!!"

Yes, Friends, there's never a dull day, when you're a fish, as you'll know if you've ever chatted to one, perhaps when taking a swim in the sea, or even a lake or a babbling brook, even!

And thank heavens, at last our wonderful press has acknowledged that fact - not before time (!), with the publication of Onion News's first-ever pull-out-and-throw-away full colour "Fish News Supplement", free with every copy of their regular Sunday paper, which is nice! And here's Colin's pick of today's "doozies" from their inaugural edition, to save you precious time, if you're in a rush!!!

A little bit over the top, perhaps, ro put  it mildly (!), but these stories - and others in the same vein - bring a cheery hint of a smile to the faces of me and my wife in semi-lovely Liphook, Hampshire, as we sit waiting for the Sunday Morning Meeting to begin, at her church in nearby Petersfield, and later, when we're back home, chatting on zoom with our daughter Sarah, who lives in Perth, Australia with husband Francis and their 13-year-old twin daughters Lily and Jessica - no question about that!

(above) Lois and me, waiting for the Sunday Morning Meeting to begin, this morning,

and (below) chatting on zoom with our daughter Sarah in Perth, Australia

It's just a short "zoom" with Sarah and the twins this morning - although it's 12:45pm in the UK, it's a crazy 8:45pm in Western Australia. Our clocks in the UK went back an hour last weekend, so there's now a whopping 8-hour time difference, because Western Australia "don't do" daylight saving, which is mad! 

For the twins it's nearly bedtime and Sarah's also tired, because the Perth heating firm for which she's chief accountant has come under criticism for importing their components from China, thus allegedly putting lots of Aussies out of a job, if you please! And poor Sarah has had to spend time collating stats to make the case for "buying Chinese", which is totally mad! Plus, she's still doing her old job in Evesham UK, working online, which is totally mad too!!!

our daughter ,"Two jobs" Sarah, (1)  (2nd from right) with colleagues 

in Evesham, Worcestershire UK and (2) leaving her then office in Australia

when Lois and I picked her up there at 5pm on our 2018 trip down under

The family lives on the coast north of Perth, just 5 minutes walk away from the beach and the Indian Ocean, so they have plenty of fresh fish in their diet, which is nice!

(left) one of the northern suburbs of Perth, Australia, where our daughter Sarah

and family live, and (right) the steep climb up to their house from the roadway

17:00 And later in the day, Lois and I put on a dinner for our other daughter, Alison, plus husband Edward and their youngest offspring Isaac (16), who has, literally just 2 days ago, arrived back from China, after a 10-day study trip to Xiamen in South China with a dozen or so fellow sixth formers from the local Bohunt High School here in Liphook, all just starting to study Mandarin Chinese as one of their A-Level subjects, would you believe - the young scamps!

And tonight Isaac presents us with a handy souvenir fridge magnet of Xiamen, and shows us the group photo of him and his fellow "rascals", in their borrowed Chinese school uniforms, together with their new local Chinese counterparts, all looking very smart!

(above, left) Lois showcasing the colour Xiamen fridge magnet which Isaac presents

to us tonight, and (above right) Isaac showcasing for us the official group presentation

photo of the English students with their Chinese counterparts

Xiamen is on the coast so, like Perth, there's plenty of fish on the menu there too, which is nice! Isaac's main complaint, however, is that the Chinese eat unsuitable things for breakfast - e.g. spaghetti or rice, for example. For 10 days poor Isaac hasn't had any breakfast cereals, such as Coco Pops for example, which is mad, and Lois and I remember how it was much the same in Japan. 

I spent a study year in Tokyo in 1970-1971, and Lois came out to spend 3 weeks with me in the spring of 1971, the year before we got married. 

us in Japan, when Lois came out to stay with me during my study year 1970-71,

(left) by Lake Kawaguchi near Tokyo, and (right) half way up Mt Fuji

We certainly had plenty of fish while Lois was there with me, including the much-feared (by Westerners!) 'sashimi' which is totally raw fish, and absolutely "bonkers" into the bargain!

photos taken at our hillside retreat, where opted for a "normal" breakfast

including cereal, toast and a nice cup of tea, which was a relief!

The fish is also seen as a fertility symbol in Japan (we're not sure why!!!), and Lois was fortunate enough to experience the Japanese "Boys Day" holiday with me, when you could hardly walk down the street without a big fish-ballooon flapping in your face, which was annoying to put it mildly !!!!!

(left) we enjoy another "normal" breakfast of toast and cereal, plus bacon-and-eggs

 at Tokyo's prestigious Dai-ichi Hotel, and (right) us trying to avoid the fish flapping in our faces,

 on "Boys Day", where the fish is celebrated as a fertility symbol, would you believe!

What a madness it all was, wasn't it!

18:00 Lois and I like fish, but we wouldn't want it every day, that's for sure! And certainly it isn't on the menu tonight when we sit down to dinner with young Isaac, and his mum - our daughter Alison - and his dad Edward, for a nice ham-based meal, with a nut roast for Alison, who's a vegetarian.

Lois and I sit down tonight with our daughter Alison, our son-in-law Edward, and the youngest of

their 3 offspring Isaac (16) enjoying a ham-based dinner with roast potatoes, roast parsnips,

Brussels sprouts, and Yorkshire Pudding, cooked by Lois, plus white wine - yum yum!

What's not to like haha !!!!

21:00 After our guests depart for their home in nearby Headley, Hampshire, the subject of fish returns (to haunt us!) as we watch the second programme in Bob Mortimer and Paul Whitehouse's new series of "Gone Fishing".

We get some fascinating information tonight about how to catch, for instance, bream, even "tench", which sounds like a made-up name, but Lois and I google it later, and it's 100% genuine, would you believe, which is mad!

We also like this series for Bob and Paul's reflections on ageing. On the day of filming, it was Paul's 68th birthday, and they get to wondering how birds get on, when they 'get on' - no pun intended !!!!

Haha!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzz!!!!!

Saturday October 31st 2026 "Halloween again - have YOU carved YOUR pumpkin yet haha!!!"

Yes, it's Halloween! And thank goodness Onion News has managed to bring out their special "Pumpkin News Supplement" on time this year, after last year's debacle, when it came out a week late, due, they said, to "leaves on the line", or some-such madness! What madness!!!

And here's Colin's pick of the "doozies" this year !!!!

It's all a bit mad, isn't it, if I'm honest! But today's pumpkin headlines bring a "ghost" of a smile (no pun intended!!!) to the blanched cheeks of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-lovely Liphook, Hampshire, as we take our "Halloween walk" through the trees and over the brooks of nearby Radford Park - no question about that!!!!

my wife Lois and me taking our annual Halloween walk through the trees

and across the streams in nearby Radford Park

Pumpkins are very much on our minds today, of course, but nobody could accuse our Ocado pumpkin of being morbidly obese" - that's for sure!!! But it was the biggest the online supermarket had to offer us, so fair enough!

Lois carves our 2026 pumpkin sticking a cheeky tongue out (the pumpkin, not Lois!!!!),

while somehow also managing to prepare our lunch (see picture 2!) which is mad!!!!

And having positioned our pumpkin outside our front door, we "do the tour" of neighbours' displays, and award our coveted "Colin Award" to this house, with its "creepy gardener" theme - Kudos, those guys on the corner!!!!

I must say that skeleton looks strangely familiar, however - maybe it wasn't a display after all, just a morbidly-un-obese guy, trying to earn an honest quid or two perhaps? Whatever - but he's certainly done a good job - that lawn looks immaculate!!!

I wonder...!

And while Lois was busy in the kitchen carving this year's pumpkin, I had the onerous job of collecting all our fun-size chocolate bars together for tonight's expected "rampage" of trick-or-treaters!!!

Lois said I was mad to buy so many bags, but we actually get well over a hundred kids ringing our doorbell after darkness falls, between 5:30pm and 7:30pm, so "Kudos, Yours Truly!". At one stage, we even think we're  going to run out of them, but luckily we've still got a couple of bags to shamelessly gorge ourselves on later, so that's all good!!!

And, needless to say, today is another frantically busy day for Lois and me, quite apart from the Halloween shenanigans! After a much-reduced hour or two in bed for afternoon "nap-time" - it has to be just a quickie today, unfortunately - because at 3pm we're due at the local Liphook U3A Open Day at the town's iconic "Millennium Hall", where we find ourselves signing up to even more groups, which is mad: the History Group and the Strollers Group, with Lois also signing up to the Card-Making group, would you believe!

(left) Lois and me [inset] at a typical U3A Open meeting today, with (right)

me showcasing our latest group memberships: card-making, history and "strollers"

The "strollers group" outings always include a pub lunch, however, and it's considered 'okay' if you just turn up for the lunch bit, the group's leader tells us, so that's a relief!

But what utter utter utter madness!!!

16:00 We get home from the U3A Open Meeting to find pictures of Halloween Australia from our daughter Sarah, who lives in Perth, Australia with husband Francis and their 13-year-old twins Lily and Jessica.

Due to the 8 hour time-difference, Halloween is already "done and dusted" by now, but Sarah says the twins "had a fabulous time", dressed as jellyfish, would you believe, using see-through umbrellas decorated with little lights - the young scamps!!!

our daughter Sarah in Perth, Australia, with her twin daughters

Lily and Jessica, dressed as jellyfish for the evening's shenanigans - the young scamps!!!

Also, when Lois and I get home this afternoon, there are pictures from one of our other grandchildren, our daughter Alison's youngest: Isaac (16). He's just started A-Level Mandarin Chinese at the local high school in Liphook, and Isaac and his classmates returned yesterday from a 10-day study visit to a city in South China, where they spent time getting to know students at a local school over there.

The Chinese school even seems to have "kitted out" Isaac and classmates in their own distinctive uniforms, of pale pink shirts, plus and white either trousers or skirts, depending on their "persuasion", perhaps (!).

To Lois and me, it all seems to be a bit of a puzzle, but no doubt we'll hear more when Isaac plus mum Alison and dad Edward come to us on Sunday evening for a meal and a "catch-up"!

Isaac and 4 of his fellow students even sang a song in Mandarin Chinese at the closing ceremony. As someone with his own rock group back here in the Hampshire/Surrey "badlands" (!), he was an obvious choice, we would imagine to perform the song! 

See him perform here - he's second from left in this picture - the young scamp!!!

Yes, "young people connect, across different backgrounds", and, above all, "kindness and sincerity speak the same language".

Amen to that!!!

But wait - there's more!!!

And it seems incredible, I know, but Lois and I somehow even found time, during our incredibly busy day today, to drive to Haslemere, just over the county line in Surrey, to pick up a nice "Bramley Apple and Blackberry Crumble" for the dessert tomorrow Sunday at the meal with Isaac and his mum and dad (yum yum!!!), so that's all good!

Lois and I somehow find time in our incredibly busy day to drive to

Haslemere, just over the county line in Surrey, and pick up

this delicious-looking apple and blackberry crumble for tomorrow's meal

Yes, it'll be so nice tomorrow to see Isaac and get his personal reflections on his China study trip. 

One thing that particularly puzzles Lois and me is the fact that the group, all students at our local high-school here in Liphook, seem to have been given the challenge of explaining British culture in 20 minutes to a young Chinese audience, which to Lois and me seems to be a bit of a "tall order" (!).

But what a great idea for a TV game show, if our TV channels run out of ideas after all the other game shows they broadcast every night of the week!

I wonder.....!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!

Friday October 30th 2026 "You read it here first - yes, it's time to put a little something by for Christmas 2027 haha!!!!

Yes, Friends, I know you've got your "cookie jar" of savings for this coming Christmas, but have you started one, to run in parallel, for Christmas 2027 or Christmas 2028? If not, you'd better "get with it", before everybody else starts doing it - just saying !!!! 

And with "thriftiness" the order of the day, even market leading tabloid Onion News has today debuted its new Friday cut-out-and-throw-away "Penny-Wise Pound-Foolish Colour Supplement", which comes free with every issue, so just the "ticket" for the paper's more budget-conscious readers - no pun intended!!!  

And to save you time, here's "Colin's Pick of the Dooziest", as per usual !!!!

 

Awwww!!!! 

Perhaps a bit "OTT", isn't it (!), but these stories - and others in a similar vein - bring a glimpse of a brief smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois today, here in semi-lovely Liphook, Hampshire as we take our near-daily walk over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes Liphook United, to put it mildly!

my wife Lois and me, pictured today on our near-daily walk

over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes, Liphook United

We're spending much of today studying disaffected Roman aristocrat, Catiline, who tried to overthrow the Roman Republic in a failed "coup", back in 63BC, as part of our homework for Monday's meeting of the local U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" class, of which we're both members, "for our sins" (!!!)

us today studying Roman historian Sallust's account of a failed coup in 63BC,

when disgruntled aristocrat Catiline tried, and failed, to overthrow the Roman Republic

It turns out that Roman aristocrat Catiline, in his attempts to stage a "coup", relied heavily on the backing of a large number of Roman "brigands", who'd amassed large quantities of loot, but had then wasted it on a lot of unwise purchases, perhaps "splurging" it on overpriced "luxury items", without waiting for the January sales, maybe? Flashy "sports chariots" perhaps [Latin: curri athletici] ? 

Or plastic surgery even? After all, down the centuries, brigands have been notorious for their generally unprepossessing features (!).

Many local brigands might have suffered from the so-called "Roman Nose", and perhaps would have wanted to go for something more aesthetically pleasing and attractive, although perhaps, at the same time, "paying through the nose for it" - no pun intended!!!! at the premises of some recommended plastic surgeon [Latin: chirurgus plasticus] maybe ?

(left) a typical Roman nose (Latin: nasus Romanus) and (right) a typical plastic surgeon, 

seen here at work on somebody from his lucrative "ugly brigand" customer-base

I wonder.....!!!!

We're not given the details, but one thing's for sure: "brigands" have historically been notoriously poor at managing money, and it isn't clear what part the brigands' wives played in this debacle. In those crazy pre-feminist days, were they seduced by some expensive jewellery items or perfumes? Or overpriced fur coats maybe? I think we should be told, don't you?

One thing's for sure - brigands would maybe have benefited from the services of a  good financial advisor, one specialising in brigands, perhaps? But what do YOU think? Answers on a postcard!!!

Here's the relevant passage in Roman historian Sallust's account of Catiline's failed "coup" attempt:

And here's my English translation, which might be helpful, if you're not fully fluent in Intermediate Latin, that is (!).

[Catiline's supporters included] brigands of every kind, of which there were a great number in that region.... whose self-indulgence and overspending meant that they had nothing left of the great amount of loot [that they had acquired from their professional brigandry work].

But what a crazy world they lived in, back in those far-off days!!!

[That's enough whimsy! - Ed]

For Lois and me, however, our Latin homework today, is a bit of a distraction from our main obsession, which is to track the progress of our 16-year-old grandson Isaac, who's just come to the end of a 10-day study trip to China, in company with a bunch of fellow Mandarin-Chinese students from his high school here in Liphook. 

The young scamps!!!! 

In these pictures, Isaac in the one in the sun-glasses in the first photo:

flashback to last week: pictures from our 16-year-old grandson's study trip

to South China, with a group of fellow-students from our local high-school 

here in Liphook, all studying Mandarin Chinese for one of their A-Levels

All things must come to an end, however, and Isaac's group of young "scallies" are heading home today, on a South China Airlines flight from some crazy place called "Guangzou", which Lois and I had never heard of (!), due to land at London's Heathrow Airport in the early evening, in time for Isaac to sit down with his mum and dad - our daughter Alison and husband Edward - and watch tonight's TV "Celebrity Traitors" final, or some-such nonsense!!!

Isaac's mum, our daughter Alison, had texted me early today - at 6:13 am, would you believe (!) - to tell us that his plane had taken off. And by 11:14 am the plane had cleared Mongolia and was over Russia, somewhere between so-called "Tomsk" and "Novosibirsk". And by the end of the afternoon, when Lois and I were just staggering out of bed at the end of "statutory nap-time", the plane was crossing the Danish-German border region, which is totally mad!!!

And by 6:30 pm, when we were eating our "tea" - a collection of leftovers, or, in other words, "a bits-and-pieces meal", as we've dubbed it (!), Isaac had arrived, and was getting on the school bus taking him back to Liphook, where his mum and dad would have been picking him up and taking him home to nearby Headley.

Lois and me tonight, enjoying a "bits-and-pieces" tea, as the plane carrying

our grandson Isaac and his group home from China, lands at London's Heathrow Airport

Lois and I have provisionally invited Isaac, together with his mum and dad Alison and Edward, to have tea with us here on Sunday evening, so that we can hear more about the young scamp's Oriental Adventures, although fully aware that he may be feeling a bit jaded after his experiences and the long flight, and also preparing for school on Monday, maybe? 

I remember how I myself felt back in 1971, totally exhausted, after my 14 hour flight, with a stop at Moscow, at the end of my study trip - a year at a university in Tokyo, to be met, thankfully (!), by Lois and my then 13-year-old "baby sister", Jill; also by my dear late Dad, who drove us all home to Oxford. 

And I think you can see the exhaustion, together with the relief, on my face, to put it mildly!!!!

(left) 1971: the photo I took from the plane near the end of my Tokyo to London flight, with first

sighting of the River Thames at London, and (right) me, exhausted, but very happy

to be greeted by Lois, with my 'baby sister' Jill, and my dad, who whisked us all home to Oxford

Happy days!!!!

21:00 And later, an Instagram post reveals, that, yet again (!), Lois and I have missed out on the Grandparents' Day bingo at the Anglican school in the northern suburbs of Perth, Australia, where two of our  other grandchildren attend: our other daughter Sarah's 13-year-old twin daughters Lily and Jessica.

the annual Grandparents Day Bingo at the Anglican school in Perth, Australia,

where 2 of our other grandchildren, our daughter Sarah's 13-year-old

twins Lily and Jessica, are in their first year of secondary education

Ideally, I should really have sent our "regrets" to the school's principal, Mr Pree, who took a turn at being this year's bingo-caller at the event (see picture above!), but I think Adrian knows all too well how much Lois and I are so "snowed under" with our busy to-do-lists at the moment, what with all our Latin homework, and all that type of "malarkey" (!), so hopefully he'll forgive us. 

talking to our daughter Sarah and her 13-year-old twins

Lily and Jessica in Perth, Australia - a recent picture

Next year perhaps!!!

But "Kudos, Mr. S!", and "Eyes Down for a Full House!" [Latin: oculos deicite, pro tabula plena!]. haha !!!!

[That's enough grandchildren news! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!