Friday December 5th 2025 "Do YOU stay up late to watch election results? Bet you're always 'grouchy' next day!!!"

Yes, Friends, do YOU stay up late to watch election results? It's an easy mistake to make, isn't it! And if so, do you wake up feeling all grouchy next day, and throwing little tantrums, especially if YOUR favoured candidate ends up with egg on his or her face - am I right? Or am I right!!!

You see, it's now, incredibly, a full 12 months since Donald Trump became US President, and to mark the occasion, I'm "exhuming" this slightly tongue-in-cheek "From the Archives: Leave Time for a Smile" article from influential American political journal, The Onion. 

Takes you back, doesn't it!

Awwww!!!! 

And here in rural, semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois will tell you that I myself always look incredibly cute when I've brushed my teeth and got into my jim-jams - if you want a testimonial, just write to her - postcards only!!!

(left) me, after I've brushed my teeth and got into my jim-jams

- awwwwww, bless !!!!! And (right) me with my medium-to-long-suffering

wife Lois, fully clothed - a recent picture

However, it's a bit annoying today to realise, that, even though I brush my teeth religiously night and day, our Portuguese dentist Jose Mourinho still managed to find two fillings he wanted to do on me when I went for my bi-annual check-up there on Tuesday. And even though before my appointment I was having no trouble, since then I've been getting intermittent pain in the gums, which is ironic, to put it mildly! 

flashback to Tuesday: (top right) me waiting nervously in the surgery's waiting-room

for my appointment with dentist Jose, and hygienist Lisa

I ring the surgery today to get some advice, but all I get is the "brush-off" (no pun intended!!!). I'm told that it's too early to complain, and that I've got to wait 2 weeks - huh!!!! I don't think I'll get much change out of them if I ring them up again in the week before Christmas, do you? 

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

And it's even more galling when I remember that I have, more than once, acted as unpaid (!) official interpreter at the surgery, when there's been kerfuffles and misunderstandings between Portuguese dentist Jose and his British admin staff.

a typical dental reception desk

Don't get me wrong - Jose speaks perfect English, but with a "kiwi twang" as he calls it, after years of living and working in New Zealand. Last time I was at the surgery, I heard Jose ask an assistant to find him a pen, and she went away and came back empty-handed, thinking that he had asked her to find him a pin. 

And if YOU too are confused about the difference, just observe how this lady does it on TikTok - note the shape of her mouth when she's saying the two words: quite different in each case, isn't it, to put it mildly! Also notice the position of her eyebrows, which is a bit of a giveaway, to the initiated at least!

Or if you're still not getting through, try the international standard fall-back, for use only in dire emergencies, which is to always close your eyes when saying "pen" and to keep them open for "pin".

See? See how our differences can be laughed away, even in a dental surgery, and gaps bridged [no pun intended!!!!] with just a little common sense and good will - simples, really, isn't it!

[That's enough nonsense! - Ed]

Thanks to my intervention, however, the resulting impasse at the surgery, which could have turned ugly, was glossed over, or should I say "flossed over" (!) [No! - Ed], and passed off without incident or injury, either to staff or to patients, which was nice.

But now look! This is how they reward me !!!!!

It's annoying, though, to have intermittent toothache just now, above all, because there's going to be a lot of festive eating coming up, as Christmas approaches. Tomorrow, Lois and I will be shopping in nearby Petersfield, Hampshire for the slippers I'll be getting her for Christmas, after which we'll be stopping by at Lois's church's Saturday morning drop-in coffee-and-cake session. Not only that, but on Sunday it'll be the church's "shared lunch" day after the meeting. Then, to cap it all [no pun intended!!!] the following Thursday it's the church's Christmas lunch - yikes!

Poor me !!!!!!!

flashback to last month: Lois and I, and fellow-church-member Betty

have some coffee and cake at the church's drop-in centre

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

[Don't be such a baby, Colin! - Ed]

Finally I try putting on some of that dental gel which is a huge relief at last. And, as if to rub it in [no pun intended, again!!!], Lois is today finishing off her Christmas cake. The temptation of it - yikes!!!!

[That's enough unfunny dental puns! - Ed]

Don't worry, I'm all "punned out" now, like this poor guy!!!

(left) Lois today sellotaping up her Christmas cake for its one-week "rest", 

and (right) flashback to yesterday when she started work on it

Pass the ibuprofen haha !!!!!

Luckily, all joking apart, I'm sure that my gums, already starting to feel a bit better, will have fully "settled down" in the next few days, and the main thing will be for me to remember not to eat too much, and also to drink responsibly, as the TV ads say!

One creature who didn't follow that last rule this week, was that raccoon in Virginia who broke into an off-licence and smashed open a load of bottles before passing out on the floor of the toilet. Lois and I were first alerted to this story by an email from Steve, our American brother-in-law.

And this story is picked up tonight, on the comedy news quiz "Have I Got News For You", which this week is being presented by TV scientist Hannah Fry.

Yes, "groans" indeed !!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!

Thursday December 4th 2025 "Ancient Romans? Ancient bastards, more like!!!"

Yes, friends, don't talk to me about ancient Romans and the so-called grandeur of their empire and civilisation! Because at last archaeologists have lifted the lid on their corrupt society!!!

It's all in this morning's Onion News for East Hampshire - turn to page 94 !!!! 

The swines!!!

And the story brings a rather inelegant smirk (!) to the face of Yours Truly this morning, here in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, as I struggle to prepare for next Monday's fortnightly U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group meeting in nearby Haslemere, just over the county line in Surrey, as you do (!).

Yes, as per usual (!) it's me doing the real work today, hunched over our shiny new laptop, while my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois has all the fun (!), larking about, making our annual Christmas cake, would you believe! Only kidding, Lois, by the way, if you're reading this haha!!!!!

flashback to this morning: me hunched over our shiny new laptop, trying to make

sense of a 2000-year-old bit of Latin - Sallust's account of the Catiline Conspiracy,

in which disgruntled nobleman Catiline tried to take over the Roman state by force

...while my wife Lois has all the fun of making this year's Christmas Cake - no fair !!!!!!

And if you look carefully at those pictures of Lois (above), you'll see, through our patio doors,  the piteous figure of our gardener Matthew, in his bobble hat and red anorak, toiling away in our tiny, rain-sodden back garden, weeding our flower beds for us.

Poor Matthew!!!!!

There are some compensations for me this morning, however, when I read historian Sallust's 2000-year-old account of the "conspiracy" of Catiline. Essentially Catiline was seeking to overthrow the Roman state by recruiting a rag-tag army of disgruntled aristocrats and urban poor, and (as he hoped) making him Emperor, as you do (again) !!!!

Yes, Sallust says that Catiline corrupted a group of young followers "by teaching them various forms of wickedness", and it seems that Catiline must have really 'studied' wickedness and defined its 'various forms', although as far as it's known he never wrote it up, or if he did, his analysis was sadly lost - a pity!

(left) the Roman historian Sallust, and (right) the hero of his book, the Roman rebel

Catiline, here addressing his rag-tag army of disgruntled aristocrats

Catiline was also, however, certainly a good judge of people, because in recruiting his rag-tag army he offered the right bribe for each recruit, based on their personality. Sallust says in his account of Catiline's revolt, he offered some of his potential young recruits "girlfriends" or "mistresses" [Latin: amicas], whereas to others, he offered "dogs and horses" [Latin: canes atque equos], sparing no expense [Latin: neque sumptui.. pepercit]. 

Lois suggests that those disgruntled young recruits, the ones that Catiline offered girlfriends to, could have been 'incels' (= involuntary celibates), whereas the others, the ones who got dogs and horses bought for them, could have been animal-lovers. 

I wonder......!

20:00 What a day, though - busy busy busy, yet again! And despite afternoon nap-time, Lois and I are pretty tired by evening, and ready to "veg out" on the sofa, and watch some restful 'fare' on our little "telly". Well, we are going to be 80 next year, would you believe, even though we're both unquestionably "marvellous for our age" haha!

So we turn to Channel 5 for yet another programme about the "Secrets of the Royal Palaces" - what madness, isn't it!!!!!

One thing Lois and I have learnt from this marathon series, is that, in medieval times, it was always best to obey your monarch, especially if you're his/her maid of honour, to put it mildly!!! And in tonight's programme, the year is 1560, and Elizabeth I, the Virgin Queen, is getting nervous about any threats to her right to the throne. 

The monarch's maids of honour were supposed to be virgins, but one of Elizabeth's maids of honour, her cousin Katherine Grey, starting breaking the rules - oh dear! In tonight's programme, historian Katherine Williams tells the story:

Eventually the inevitable happens - Katherine gets pregnant, and, because she's the Queen's cousin, this is a big threat, especially if the baby turns out to be a boy. Alarmed at the threat to the succession, Elizabeth throws Katherine into the Tower of London, and when Ned comes back from a trip to Europe, he gets thrown into the Tower too. 

What madness !!!!!

But wait there's more. Now with the couple both in the Tower, and locked in rooms just 10 feet apart, an obliging jailer agrees to open the doors to their rooms, so that Ned can slip into Katherine's room at night.

What a crazy world they lived in, back in those far-off days !!!!!

21:00 We decide to go to bed on something a bit more "cultural" (!) - a new series on the Sky Arts Channel offering fascinating analyses of some of the UK's favourite Christmas films.

And if YOU have seen the Muppet Christmas Carol (1992), I can guarantee that the following is the iconic, heart-rending scene, where Scrooge's accountants, led by Kermit the Frog, are complaining to Scrooge about the cold in their office - that's the scene that's stuck in YOUR brain, like it has in mine and Lois's, that's for sure! 

Am I right, or am I right!!!

And did YOU shed a tear when Scrooge, played brilliantly by Cockney film-star Michael Caine, gave this heartless answer to his poor, freezing staff?

Caine's performance as Scrooge in the film has rightly been lauded by the critics, which pleases me particularly, as I'm always being mistaken for Caine in the street - and you can see why. The resemblance was astonishing, even when we were both young men, struggling to get our feet on the first rung of "the ladder of life"!

lookalike: (left) Cockney film-star Michael Caine, and (right) Yours Truly

I think you'll agree that the resemblance is uncanny!

And now we're both old, but we're still look like twins, which is nice! 

And in tonight's programme, Caine talks candidly, perhaps for the first time, about how old age can sometimes be a blessing.

Haha! Well, we all had a jolly good laugh over that, didn't we! [Speak for yourself! - Ed].

But there's a serious point here as well, isn't there. Did YOU notice how, when the Oscars came round, it was Caine who was being touted as a possible winner, and not any of the muppets themselves, which was a bit of an outrage.

Will puppets be the last "minority" group in our society to get the respect they deserve?

I wonder......!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!!