Thursday June 4th 2026 "Do YOU know someone who's doing something weird today?"

Yes, Friends, do YOU know somebody, maybe a special friend or close relative, who's busy doing something weird today that you don't really understand the purpose of?

It happens from time to time, doesn't it, and there's a real "doozy" of an example on the front page of today's Onion News, to put it mildly!!!!

Poor Winfield!!!! This purely local guy, who just happens to live just across the street from Yours Truly, has a busy enough life already, without all that 'lawn-work' malarkey, if we're to believe our neighbours!

The story, however, brings a welcome, if vapid, smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in leafy Liphook, Hampshire, as we take our near-daily walk, which today takes us over the soggy, windswept "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes Liphook United, where we dodge the worst of the rain for a quick 'canoodle' (!) in team coach Matthew Grindle (59)'s so-called "management dug-out", no question about that!

Lois and me this morning, taking our near-daily walk, which takes us over

the rain and wind-affected 'hallowed turf' of local soccer heroes, Liphook United

And Winfield's purely local story is soon picked up by 'the nationals' - the Times and Telegraph etc, and, on an admittedly 'slow news' day, dominates the early morning headlines on the BBC's World Service, so kudos, that man - putting Liphook, and East Hampshire too, 'on the map', where it surely belongs, if there's any justice in the world, that's for sure!

[Stop 'wittering', Colin! - Ed]

Like area man Winfield, Lois and I, too, got up early today to make a start on our incredibly packed schedule on this, Lois's last day as a septuagenarian, if you can believe that!

Yes, unbelievably, Lois will be turning 80 tomorrow - you do the maths !!!!!

some early pictures of Lois in the late 1940's or thereabouts: (left) on the swing

outside her family's pre-fab, and (right) ringed, 'chewing the fat' and generally

'putting the post-WW2 world to rights', with some of her little friends - awwwwww!!!!

And as part of our preparation for 'the big day' tomorrow, as well as our near-daily walk (see above for the sordid details!), we somehow find time today to (1) go to Lois's local hair-stylist Anna's "Haircraft" salon for her pre-birthday "trim", (2) shoot over to nearby Haslemere to pick up some CookShop ready-meals for Saturday's "big tea", (3) get home in time for a delivery of the celebration groceries, and finally (4), pop round to our local dentist's surgery for Lois's second session with dental hygienist Lisa, who wants to perfect Lois's "birthday smile".

(above) Lois's session with her stylist Anna, (centre) for a pre-birthday "trim",

(centre) getting the 'celebration groceries' etc from Cook Shop in Haslemere and

a home-delivery from Ocado supermarket, and (below) our local dental surgery

for Lois's session with hygienist Lisa (left) and dental nurse Aryana

Busy busy busy!!! 

And the burning question is, once more, "How did we ever find time to go to work, back in the day?" !!!!!!!

The worst thing is that our afternoon in bed, for "statutory nap-time" is reduced, today, to a slender two hours, which is a pity, but that's the reality of life for busy pensioners in today's Britain, that's for sure!!!!!

At least pensioners get a more varied life than the UK's incredible stag-beetles, which is a comfort (!), as we learn from tonight's edition of Springwatch, the series which takes a seasonal look at the state of nature and wildlife in the UK, with the help of a team of presenters, led by Chris Packham and Michaela Strachan.

Stag beetles, we learn, are mainly confined to southern and south-eastern areas of the UK. They grow to an impressive 3 inches (7.5cm) in length, but they have to spend almost all of their lives in rotten wood, which must be annoying, to put it mildly!

one of tonight's "programme props" showcasing the 

life cycle of an average British stag beetle

Stag beetles spend years underground as larvae just 'poncing about', and then, when, as pupae, they finally hatch out, they only get to live in the real world for such a little time - a few weeks to a couple of months. And, to make it worse, their mandibles are, by now, so huge that they can't eat any more, so they have to live off any energy  they've managed to store before they hatch out. 

Poor stag beetles!!!!

So a life with no eating, then! Perhaps just as well, as eating would be a distraction, because the stag beetle's main job in his short life is now just to mate with a beetle of the opposite sex, and then die happy, if a bit hungry, so fair enough!

stag beetles mating - JD! (job done!!!)

For Welsh naturalist Iolo Williams, however, it's a dream come true, on tonight's programme, to see his first ever stag beetle - they aren't common outside the south and south-east of England.

And the normally talkative Iolo is almost reduced to silence by the sight of this three-inch 'monster', which is touching!

Awwww!!!!! Poor Iolo !!!!!! 

Still, they're together at last, Iolo plus his first-ever stag-beetle, and that's the main thing!

But what a crazy planet we live on !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!

Wednesday June 3rd 2026 "Dentists and their new 'high-tech' methods- it's a lethal mixture, isn't it!"

Yes, Friends, I don't know if you've visited YOUR dentist recently? 

No? I thought so! Easier to 'put it off', isn't it, because you never know what they're going to discover next - like this local dentist in today's local Onion News - see my 'potted version' right here, for your convenience!

Kudos, that dentist!!!!

And reading that story this morning, here in semi-detached Liphook, Hampshire, brings a anxious look of fear to the faces of me and my wife Lois - no question about that!!!!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

And our look of semi-amused terror at today's news is because, by complete coincidence, today is the much-feared day of our 6 monthly check-up at the premises of our Portuguese 'Kiwi' dentist, Jose, and his hygienist Lisa. We're right to be looking terrified, because it turns out that I've got to have a filling right in the hard-to-reach back of my mouth, and Lois has to go back for another session with Lisa tomorrow about some supposed 'gum issue', would you believe! 

What madness modern dentistry is, isn't it!

Of course the real terror will be when we get to pick up their bill, and this time, I'm going to demand a pain-killing injection before they tell me the amount, to ease some of the torment haha!!!!! 

(above) our local dental surgery, with our Portuguese 'kiwi' dentist, Jose, and his

hygienist Lisa, and (below me in the waiting room while Lois is being 'done'

- what a madness it all is, isn't it!!!!

There's no real way of enjoying a session at the dentist, is there, and there has been a feeling of ill-disguised tension in our house for the previous 30 minutes, before we take our courage in both hands, and venture into Liphook's tiny town centre to take our seats in the waiting-room - no disguising that!

To try and lighten the mood, we've been wearing our old "[Brian] Lemming of the BDA" (British Dental Association) tee-shirts in bed for a couple of nights.

It's kind of like a reminder of those times when Lois and I were younger, and the dental trade was run by 'The Mob', and you never knew whether you'd get shot or kidnapped during your 'check-up' (!). Remember some of those terrifying TV series, like "The Unbiteables", that we all used to watch, as teenagers, back in the 1970's, starring Eric Idle as Lemming?

Happy days!!!!!

Jose, our dentist, and Lisa, Jose's hygienist, have noticed that Lois and I are both 'a bit long in the tooth' [no pun intended!!!!], and the two of them, with their usual sensitivity [again, no pun intended!!!] avoid too many references to some of our fillings 'having been there for a long time', which is a nice touch!

At least tonight, Lois and I will be able to dispense with the tee-shirts, and, instead, be dazzled by each other's smiles, thanks to hygienist Lisa's work with her so-called "polisher", which will be a pleasant change !!!

flashback to June 2025, and our last visit to see Jose and Lisa, when we were

looking a lot more youthful - a year younger in fact: you do the maths haha!!!

Yes, Lois and I may be a couple of old 'codgers' (!) - "guilty as charged" haha (!!), but there's another old couple even older, in Northern Ireland, as we discover when we settle down on the couch, and catch up with last night's programme in this year's Springwatch series, which takes a look at the state of nature and wildlife in the UK.

And who knew that, just like people, trees can be male or female (but with no "non-binaries" as far as we know haha!!!), and that 'tree couples' with the male somehow managing to 'pollinate' the female even after hundreds or even thousands of years of 'marriage'? It's total madness, like everything in nature, but a shot in the arm for Lois and me, who've only been married for a mere 54 years, and a definite encouragement to "keep at it" (!!!!).

Presenters Chris Packham and Michaela Strachan found this dear old 'Darby and Joan' of the tree world, a delightful pair of yews, on the Crom Estate in Northern Ireland. Awwwwww!!!!

Awwww!!! Sweet!!!!!!

As an interesting detail [???? - Ed], Lois and I have never measured our circumference when we're together, but I suspect it's less than that of that yew-tree couple and their so-called '150 metres', especially after our latest attempt at dieting (!!!!).

This dear old pair of trees are thought to be between 400 and a thousand years old, Michaela tells us. The trees were definitely there, and pollinating, when the nearby Crom Castle was built back in 1617, but they could be a lot older than that, naturalists believe. 

the ruins of the 17th century Crom Castle, in County Fermanagh, Northern Ireland

These two trees on the Crom Estate are the oldest trees in Northern Ireland, but not the oldest in the UK, an honour which goes to the Fortingall yew tree in a churchyard in Perthshire, Scotland, a tree that is believed to be between three and seven thousand years old, and may be the oldest tree in the whole of Europe, probably germinating in the Stone Age, as Michaela points out.

What madness, isn't it !!!

the Fortingall yew tree in a churchyard in Perthshire, Scotland,

possibly Europe's oldest tree, at 3000 - 7000 years old

Presenter Chris says there are a couple of trees near his home in Hampshire, England, which are 2000 years old, and he goes there sometimes to sit under them, to be 'calmed' and 'just to be humbled by them' and put in his place, he says. After all, we're all just tiny blips in the life of these organisms.

It's an activity that Lois and I had never heard of. It's called 'forest bathing', for which you go, on your own, or with your 'squeeze', and sit under some incredibly old tree and just contemplate, in an atmosphere of total calm. Michaela and Chris decide to try it out.

Michaela, however, confesses that she normally does her 'forest bathing' with a twist, which shocks the strait-laced Chris. "You're supposed to do it absolutely naked!", she claims, although she promises she isn't going to 'strip off' during tonight's show, which is a relief!

Oops! TMI, Michaela - too much information!!!

And as Chris comments, "If you go down in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise, I can tell you! Strachan naked!!!"

Oh dear!

But this segment of the programme tonight is a bit of a worry to Lois and me, because we often take our near-daily walk in nearby tree-covered Radford Park. So far we haven't been confronted by any 'lesser spotted naked forest-bathers' (!), but it may only be a matter of time if Michaela's so-called 'fad' catches on, and becomes the 'new normal', to put it mildly!!

us on one of our near-daily walks through nearby Radford Park,

notable for its absence (so far!) of naked 'tree bathers' (!!!!)

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!

Tuesday June 2nd 2026 "Have YOU heard where golfers are going to be "swinging their stuff" in the US this year?"

Yes, Friends, have you heard the latest golfing news from the States? Astonishing, isn't it, but, what with this week's inclement weather, the US golfing powers-that-be have been thinking "outside the box" in their response to "the meteorology", and doing it with "drive" - no pun intended!!!!

Today's Onion News has more...

Kudos, that man!!!

And reading this story brings a half-arsed smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in partly-picturesque Liphook, Hampshire, no question about that!

my wife Lois and me, pictured here on our near-daily walk, which today

takes us over the 'hallowed turf' of local soccer heroes, Liphook United

And there's an extra spring in our step this morning, because, after a few minutes of 'havering', we've made the decision, a wise one we think, given the horrendous weather forecast, not to join Lois's fellow-church members in their scheduled outing this afternoon to stately home Mottisfont House and Gardens in the far west of the county.

Even the local birds seem to approve our decision, to judge from the number that have turned out specially to greet us with their joyful songs!

us this morning as we pass the iconic 'clubroom' of local soccer giants Liphook United,

taking time to note the birdsong of local birds, who seem to approve our plans for today!

It's a great pity that we won't have the company of church-members today, but, with those thunderstorms now literally on their way over the Atlantic to the UK, according to the horrendous forecasts, we think it would be sheer folly to attempt the 50-mile over to Mottisfont, and then spend our time in Mottisfont's justly-famed Rose Gardens dodging about with umbrellas and the like, just for 30 minutes of 'squelching', through all the accumulated mud (!)

(left) the 50-mile route we had planned to take to Mottisfont, which is almost as remote

as faraway Salisbury, Wiltshire, and (right) the house with its famous Rose Garden

It would be total madness, no doubt about that!!!! And so much better to just 'hunker down' under the bedclothes, while the storms rage outside - a 'no-brainer' if ever I heard one!!!!

(left) today's horrendous weather forecast, and (right) the obvious solution

- to just 'hunker down' under the bedclothes, while the storms rage outside!

It'll also be a pity to miss seeing the old grand old house at Mottisfont, but Lois and I tell each other we can go and see it some other time, on our own, which is a comfort!

Mottisfont House was founded as an Augustinian priory in 1201, in the reign of 'bad' King John, and since Henry VIII's dissolution of the monasteries as part of the Reformation, the house has gone through many cycles of re-design and refurbishment, eventually being bought in 1934 by wealthy art patrons Gilbert and Maud Russell. The Russells brought the house back from its state of disrepair, turning it into a social and artistic hub, and hosting famous artists and writers including Ian Fleming, creator of the James Bond spy novels.

Fleming became especially friendly with the lady of the house, Maud Russell.

(left) Mottisfont's "Lady of the House", Maud Russell, and (right) 

Maud seen with Ian Fleming, author of the James Bond books 

Fleming is believed to have become Maud's lover, which was a bit naughty, but without their affair, during World War II, the James Bond books might never have been written.

Fascinating stuff! And Lois and I will definitely be making a visit there some time, so watch this space!

Meanwhile, hunkering down under the bedclothes for 3 hours, and listening to all those thunderstorms raging outside, we've, in any case, after all the excitement dies down, very much got 'a lot on our plate' to 'chew over', to put it mildly! 

Number one, we've got to plan arrangements for Lois's 80th birthday coming up later this week - our daughter Alison and family, who live 10 miles away over the county line, in Churt, Surrey, have kindly offered to take us both out for a birthday meal on Friday evening, at the Miso Asia oriental restaurant at nearby Petersfield, Hampshire, which will be nice!

the Miso Asia oriental restaurant at nearby Petersfield, Hampshire,

where our daughter Alison and family plan to take us for Lois's 80th birthday

And the following day, Saturday, when Alison's husband Edward will be away busy with his Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme coaching work for local teenagers, Lois has offered to host Alison and kids to a slap-up 'tea' at our house, so we have to plan the food for that, and also put in a massive Ocado order to come on Thursday, as well as some CookShop items, including the meal's planned centrepiece: CookShop's notoriously 'wicked' chocolate cake! Yum yum!!!

CookShop's 'naughty' Chocolate Cake - yum yum!!!

Also in bed this afternoon, Lois somehow finds time to tell me all about the article in her this week's copy of The Week magazine, an article that explains why young couples all over the world are having less sex and, thus, fewer babies, which is a pity - and so great is the trend so that even 'randy' tech billionaires like Elon Musk won't be able to spawn enough children to make up the difference, would you believe!!!!

Birth rates in the developed world have been falling for a long time, but now the trend is being followed, even, by couples in the so-called "Third World", and it's mainly due to the spread of technology, especially smartphones, this article claims.

Apparently, over most of the world, there are now fewer couples, and fewer couplings, especially among the least-educated and the lowest-income young people. 

A Cincinnati University study published last month has shown that in the US, UK and Australia, smartphones have, since around 2007, transformed how young people spend time with one another, sharply reducing in-person socialising, and leading to the collapse in their fertility. The same slide occurred in other countries soon after, e.g. France and Poland (2007), Mexico (2012), and countries in Africa between 2013 and 2015, all coinciding with mass adoption of smartphones in local markets, as measured by Google searches for mobile apps.

To meet a person you are going to want to have children with, the authors say, requires coming into contact with a lot of possible candidates before you settle on 'the right one', and if you socialise less, it takes you much longer to find a match, if you find one at all. And there are other factors - Stanford University's Alice Evans says that Instagram and TikTok often raise young women's expectations for a relationship, which their male counterparts are not prepared for, and unable to provide, which doesn't help, to put it mildly!

Poor young people!!!!

Studies like this go back through the decades, the article recalls, with, in simpler times, studies that showed that just watching TV had had a bad effect on birth rates and population growth.

However, as Lois points out to me, TV and films aren't necessarily solitary pleasures, like smartphones are, and you often find yourselves watching something on TV with your spouse, or with your current "squeeze" or partner, and that can sometimes help, rather than hinder, your fertility, to put it mildly (!). 

This week, Lois and I saw a TV programme in which former newscaster Angela Rippon, on her travels through Vietnam, was talking to a young woman. The woman had been watching, with her husband, a sexy film "L'Amante" (The Lover), about a scandalous affair in Saigon between a local Vietnamese young man and a French student in the 1920s, in French colonial times.

Oops !!!!

Well, Lois and I had a jolly good giggle over that one, but there's a serious point here too, isn't there.

Is that 'randy' Vietnamese husband's reaction the way forward for the world at large, perhaps?

I wonder....!

Will this do?

[Oh just go back to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go back to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!