Thursday October 22nd 2026 "Do YOU ever make 'snafus' with YOUR diary or calendar? Sadly, it's so easy nowadays!!!"

Yes, Friends, do you ever make 'snafus' with YOUR diary or calendar, finding that you've been "double-booked" for some vital so-called "event"? It's madness, isn't it!

And with the end-of-year approaching and calendar stories seemingly proliferating, and coming thick-and fast now, Onion News has sensibly decided to debut today what they call their "Calendar Madness Pull-Out Colour Supplement", free with every issue, so it's eminently "money-smart", and even "penny wise pound foolish" - that's what this humble blogger thinks, at least!!! Just turn to Supplement Page 94 for the real "doozies"!!!!

It's all a bit mad, though, isn't it, if I'm honest!!!! 

And yet these 'calendar bombshell stories' (and others, similar!) bring a cheeky half-grin to the faces of me and my wife Lois, here in semi-attractive Liphook, Hampshire, as we "tramp the hallowed turf" of local soccer giants Liphook during a rare morning of sunshine in an otherwise rain-affected week, to put it mildly!!!!

my wife Lois and me, taking the opportunity posed by a few hours

of non-rain (!) to 'tramp the hallowed turf' of East Hampshire

Premier League heroes, Liphook United, which is nice!!!!

We've got another typically frantic day ahead of us, starting with a much-anticipated hearing-aid check for Lois, so just the worst possible moment for me to discover that the calendar on my phone has been mysteriously 'wiped' of all appointments, due to one of my rare online 'snafus': apparently, I must have got rid of one my seemingly unwanted 'gmail' email addresses, with the result that all my phone calendar data has gone with it, which is mad! 

So, bring back actual paper wall-calendars on real paper!!!! , that's what I say!!!!

And that's Colin's "Supertip" for today, no question about that!!! And because of my rare online 'snafu', I have to waste a couple of hours today, trying to find out from other sources what mine and Lois's appointments are for the next couple of months, so if I've made a date to visit YOU, better drop me a line, to confirm date/time and other details - postcards only, naturally!!!!

(above) Lois and I remember just in time to attend her hearing-aid check

at Liphook Eyecare today, and (below) Yours Truly resurrecting our old paper-

wall-calendar, while desperately trying to remember other appointments

to re-enter on my phone, starting from today - what utter utter utter madness !!!!

The good news, however, is that the audiologist at Liphook Eye Care reports that Lois's hearing hasn't got any worse since her last test 18 months ago, which is nice to hear, that's for sure!

He also says, however, that she should try and keep her hearing aids in her ears as much as possible during the day, because it stimulates certain ear muscles, seemingly, which is a bit weird. Lois tends to take them off when we go to bed in the afternoon for "statutory nap-time", frequently forgetting to put them in again when we get up. 

There's a plus side to that, she says, because it "stimulates old Colin not to mumble so much" (!), as she tells friends, so fair enough, that's what I say!!!! 

(left) some of Lois's early, relatively large, hearing aids, and (right) her current 'petite' ones,

here shown being charged up on her "busy" bedside table - quite a "malarkey", isn't it!!!

16:00 One ancient people that, unlike me, never had any trouble with their calendars (!), was the ancient Sumerians of Mesopotamia, back in around 2000 BC, to put it mildly!

And luckily, today, after Lois and I stagger out of bed to hear a programme about those crazy Sumerians (!), Lois remembers to "put her 'ears' back in", as we call it (!).which is nice, because while sipping our Earl Greys, we somehow also manage to catch up with this morning's edition of "In Our Time" on BBC Radio 4.

This week, the programme is all about Ishtar, the ancient Mesopotamian "Goddess of Love and Sex", which sounds intriguing!

Lois and I didn't know that the Sumerians of Mesopotamia identified Ishtar, their Goddess of Love and Sex, with the planet Venus, which famously appears in the sky in the early morning and again in the evening. 

Most ancient peoples thought that this so-called "morning star" and "evening star" were 2 different planets. However, amazingly, in Mesopotamia, which in its heyday from 3rd century BC to the 1st century AD was such a 'hotspot' for early science and mathematics, the country's Sumerian peoples were well aware that "morning star" and "evening star" were one and the same planet. 

Archaeologist have discovered that Mesopotamian scientists, all those years ago, were already able to predict the movements of all the known planets for the coming year, which was totally mad!

And it's fascinating to realise that, alongside their mathematical sophistication, the Sumerians also held to a weird religion, featuring a "pantheon" of all sorts of crazy gods and goddesses all cavorting around, which is a fascinating combination!

A strange combination, maybe - "science and  maths, plus 'daftness'" (!), i.e. S&M,&D! But perhaps the ideal plan for a talented sixth former plotting his or her three A-Level "specialisms"? Or even, a future degree at University level, perhaps, one that might be highly attractive to prospective employers?

I wonder....!

choosing your 3 A-Level 'specialisms' at sixth form level 

- is science, maths and daftness a viable way to go? I wonder....!

In the Mesopotamian pantheon, Ishtar, goddess of love and sex, was one of the foremost deities,  worshipped not just in her form as the planet Venus, but also as just "an ordinary woman with superpowers", a woman who took a fancy to a local shepherd-boy, Dumuzi, making him not just her "squeeze", but also turning him into a god in the process, which must have been "quite a step-up" for the lad, Lois and I imagine!!!

Ishtar herself confessed that she was enthusiastic too about her coming first 'date' with Dumuzi, in the ancient texts praising her own body, and her own genitals, even, and confessing to reporters, that she was "very much looking forward to having sex with the lad". 

And their story has often been touted as the world's first epic love story, which is heart-warming!

(left) Ishtar, Mesopotamian goddess of sex and love, also seen (right) "getting jiggy" 

with new 'squeeze' Dumuzi, a simple shepherd boy, who becomes a god as a result (!),

which was nice, and also quite a "step-up" for the young lad, which was nice!

However, there was one big snag about the job for Ishtar, because, as goddess of love and sex, she frequently found herself having to visit the Netherworld, the realm of the dead, "on official business", presumably (?), or maybe for family reasons? Ishtar's sister Ereshkigal, was queen of the Netherworld, so fair enough, perhaps!

Whatever (!).  However, there was a snag to all this frantic travelling about, to put it mildly!

You see, whenever Ishtar was away down there in the Netherworld, all sex and procreation on Earth had to stop, for the duration, which was mad! Even animals had to stop doing it, as we hear today, from Ishtar expert Dr Selena Wisnom, lecturer in the Inheritance of the Middle East at Leicester University. 

Ishtar expert, Dr Selena Wisnom of Leicester University, says

that while Ishtar was away, all sex on Earth had to stop, which was mad!

We're told in ancient texts, Selena says, that, during Ishtar's absence, "the bull will not mount the cow", and the young men and the young women "will have to sleep alone in their own bedrooms". 

The exact mechanism for enforcing this "world sex ban", however, isn't made clear in the programme, Lois and I notice. Did the sex just stop, or did it happen, but was just "no fun", perhaps?

Either way, I think we should be told, don't you?

But what a crazy world they lived in, back in those far-off times!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!

Wednesday October 21st 2026 "Have YOU ever been puzzled by menus, and left the restaurant in bit of a 'fog' ?"

We've all been there, haven't we, Friends! Sitting in a restaurant, having to cope with a ridiculously long menu, with several unexplained 'choices', and the burning question "What to do?!", or, with punk band The Clash, saying, simply, "Should I Stay or Should I Go ?" !!!!

And Onion News have even, this week, debuted their, I'm sure, destined-to-be-highly popular "Menu News" pull-out Colour Supplement, packed with topical  'menu stories', some heart-breaking, others simply comic! Did you glance through your copy haha! If you didn't have time, here is "Colin's Pick" of today's "doozies" !!!!

It's all a bit mad, really, if I'm honest!!! 

But the above stories - and others, in a similar 'vein' - bring the ghost of a deeply ironic smile to the faces or me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-hospitable Liphook, Hampshire, no question about that!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

And the reason for our grins this morning? 

Well, we're being faced with the agonising task of submitting our menu choices for Lois's church's Christmas Lunch Outing to that pub in nearby Emsworth, on Hampshire's English Channel coast, a date now coming up fast, in just 6 week's time - yikes!!! And Chjef Elder Richard is calling for menu options to be submitted ASAP, which is mad!!!

It's all a bit frantic, but after wrestling with the options, and with each other (!), Lois and I come up with our choices. Take a look, and think about what YOU would go for, in similar circumstances!!! Go on, you know you want to haha!!!!!

As indicated above, by our frantic "ringing" (!), we've both gone with the Warm Goat's Cheese 'starter', made from some 'warm goat' or other (!!!!),  followed by the Stuffed Pork 'mains', but we couldn't agree on the dessert, so it's a hung jury on that one, with me going with the Baileys Trifle and Lois the Winter Berry Crumble.

We don't know about the "Pork" being stuffed - but we think that we ourselves will be pretty 'stuffed' by the time we stagger out to the pub car-park for the 22-mile drive home to Liphook, that's for sure!!!!!

(left) the 22-mile route to Emsworth, near Hampshire's English Channel coast,

and (right) the pub where Lois's church holds its pre-Christmas lunches every December

But what would YOU have chosen from that menu, if you'd been in our place? Answers please - on a postcard, as per usual !!!!! Richard says we've got till Sunday to finalise our choices, and all your suggestions will be considered, so find that forgotten ball-point-pen and DO IT NOW haha !!!!!

We both had such a good time there, last December, and here are the pictures that prove it!!!!! And, very happily, as a pair of fully-paid-up "history buffs", Lois and I were delighted to find ourselves seated at the same table as church-member and noted archaeologist "Grahame-with-an-E", friend of TV "diggers" Alice Roberts, Raksha Dave and others! Grahame had just returned from a 3-week archaeology trip to Egypt and had plenty of stories up his sleeve about "missed connections" and "unpleasant drinking water" etc, so "What's not to like!", as we both said (in chorus!!!!) !!!! 

flashback to last December and last year's pre-Christmas lunch at an Emsworth pub:

as fully-paid-up 'history buffs' Lois and I were delighted to be seated on the 

same table as noted archaeologist "Grahame-with-an-E" (pictured above, bottom left)

also getting the chance to peruse one of Grahame's booklets (bottom right)

Happy days!!!!

Meanwhile here in Liphook this "wet Wednesday" (!!!), the weather is far too atrocious to go out, so Lois and I spend the day "tying up some loose ends", as we call it !!!! As well as submitting those Christmas menu-choices to Richard, we somehow manage to find the time to order an electrically-heated clothes airer, and also discuss curtain choices for the sitting-room, would you believe, or should I say "certain curtain choices" (!). [No! - Ed]

Far too wet to venture out of the house for the second day running (see graphic right),

we stay indoors, making plans for "hunkering down" this winter - what madness, isn't it !!!!

It's all part of our plans for "hunkering down" for the winter, when we won't be able to hang wet clothes on our rotary washing-line in the back garden, for example, for fear that they'll be blown away by some gale or other, would you believe!!! 

And the winter will be making an early start here this coming weekend, with the forecast "Storm Austen" preparing to casually "blow in from the Atlantic", no pun intended!!!! 

What madness (again) !!!!

And Lois and I can't help feeling a bit envious of our 16-year-old grandson Isaac, who's just jetted off this week to faraway, sunny China, in the company of a dozen or so fellow-students from his local high-school here in Liphook, all of them planning to take Mandarin Chinese as one of their A-Levels, if you please, which is mad, too! 

The young scamps !!!!

our grandson Isaac [inset] and his  route to a land of endless sunshine - the young scamp !!!!

In his first report from China, Isaac says he slept for most of the first Chinese Airways flight from London's Heathrow Airport to Xiamen, because the in-flight movies were mainly of the patriotic Chinese variety, which was a pity, he says, and "a lost opportunity" by the state airline.

And he reports, "They gave us dinner at, like, midnight, which was annoying, and not very good, either, and then breakfast again, like, 7 hours later, which did involve a hash brown and a Yeo Valley yoghourt, so not too bad". Poor Isaac's contact lenses somewhat got temporarily mislaid during the flight so he was walking blind at the transit airport, waiting to board the one-hour flight to the group's final destination, in Gulangyu, believed to be vaguely near Hong Kong.

Gulangyu, in southern China

Contact lenses retrieved, Isaac boarded the group's second flight, he says, just a one-hour flight this time, again sleeping through most of it, but during which, he says, "a few times nearly resting my head on the shoulder of the fat Chinese man next to me". 

Poor Isaac!!!!!

The scariest thing to Lois and me however, was Isaac's account of the group's hotel in Gulangyu, This is, firstly, because of Isaac's description of the toilet bowls, which "open up automatically", and which "warm you, massage you, dry you, and deodorise you" (and more, if you wish!!!). But scarier still is the fact that Isaac says the hotel is partly staffed by robots, moving about the public rooms, and presumably doing the room service (?).

flashback to November 2025: the world's first hotel staffed by robots

is debuted at Shanghai International Airport

Yikes!!!! I don't think Lois and I would like to have anything to do with that sort of "malarkey", to put it mildly !!!!!

Gulangyu has an interesting history, as I discover when I google it, and even we Brits had the predominant hand in administering it at one time, long ago, which is totally weird, even providing an Indian police force to keep order there, if you please!

the British-trained Sikh police force, that once kept the peace in Gulangyu

What a crazy world they lived in, back in those far-off times !!!!

More craziness awaits us, however, when we open the pages of our copy of this week's edition of "Private Eye", the political magazine, which "plops" through our letter-box, while we lie in bed this afternoon.

this week's edition of political magazine Private Eye, marking the sad death of

disgraced former Conservative Party chairman and novelist Jeffrey Archer,

with a look-back at some of Jeffrey's headline stories from the past 40 years or so

Yes, much of the news in the magazine this week is all about the sad death of disgraced, former Conservative Party chairman and (also) best-selling novelist, Jeffrey Archer, no less! 

Many commentators have drawn attention to Archer's somewhat chequered, and perhaps less than honest, relationship to the truth - e.g. repeated lying in his CVs in order to obtain "plum" jobs, plus his conviction for perjury during his law-suit against the Daily Star, which had revealed his secret night with a prostitute etc etc.

Poor Jeffrey!!! 

However, it's heart-warming today to see some of Jeffrey's former friends coming out of the woodwork to praise the poor guy, and put the other side of the story, which is nice: (1) Julian Fellowes, creator of TV's "Downton Abbey", and also (2) film star Joan Collins, as told to the Eye's columnist Craig Brown:

Awwww, bless !!!!

20:00 And after another crazy day today, there's just time for Lois and me, before bedtime, to sample an interesting radio programme on BBC Radio 4, presented by geneticist and media personality Adam Rutherford, a programme all about political leaders through the centuries, and their relationship to the wretched "schmucks" - civil servants and the like - who have to implement whatever policies and programmes their leaders "dream up", if you please (!).

There's a distinguished set of "pundits", in the studio, discussing the issues in this week's programme, including historian Andrew Roberts, plus American author and financial journalist Michael Lewis, and also Jill Rutter, Senior Fellow at the Institute for Government.

Napoleon had some good ideas, historian Andrew Roberts says, ruling France and the French Army through a set of 26 "Marshals", selected on merit - which was a refreshing change after centuries of absolute monarchy, where what mattered for getting a top job was the issue of who your father and grandfather were. Although 5 or 6 of Napoleon's original 26 chosen marshals were actually of noble birth, the others came from sometimes quite menial walks of life, which was nice to see, their appointments dependant solely on merit.

It all went wrong however, years later, when Napoleon fell more and more into appointing favourites, especially men who had married into his family; eventually the marshals started to try and outmanoeuvre each other, to the extent that, by 1814,  two of the 26 marshals actually fought a duel with each other, and they somehow found time to do it during an actual battle, which was worse (!). 

What madness!!!!  

Next up, we have the subject of Boris Johnson and his big 2019 election win, principally commented on by Jill Rutter, from the London-based "Institute for Government".

Jill recalls that, although Napoleon eventually lost the loyalty of his marshals, they never actually "revolted" against him, but in the UK in recent years, there's been a succession of cabinets who have rebelled against their Prime Ministers. Boris Johnson swept to power as a "conquering hero" in 2019, determined to fully implement Brexit, appointing a cabinet of loyalists etc. However, eventually, various scandals - general mismanagement, so-called "Party-gate" etc -  led to Johnson being "dethroned" in 2022, after less than 3 years.

And Jill comments that UK cabinet members, being  also MPs, each have their own power base, which perhaps gives them the sense of independence that they need, in order to enable them to take stands against their Prime Ministers.

American commentator Michael Lewis then talks a little about Donald Trump. Lewis, who has published books about each of the two Trump administrations, describes how, particularly during Trump's second administration, what he calls the President's "massive power grab" erupted, when he acquired powers never exercised before by US presidents. 

Lewis also chronicles Trump's immediate initiatives to politicise the country's 2 million strong civil service. Uneasy that his civil servants had taken an oath to serve the constitution rather than the President, Trump has also, like Napoleon in his later years, assigned big roles to his own family members, Lewis comments.

Fascinating stuff, isn't it, and the discussion is just starting to talk about creepy billionaire tech bro Elon Musk, when we need to switch off the radio to catch one of Lois' favourite detective shows, Shakespeare and Hathaway, based on the work of a private detective agency in Stratford UK. However, we'll hear the rest of the Start the Week programme in due course, I'm sure, so watch this space!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just watch your "whodunnit" and go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!

Tuesday October 20th 2026 "Have YOU ever tried making a 'comeback' only to find it 'misfires', and not in a good way!!!"

Yes, Friends, have YOU ever tried making a comeback, after, maybe, years in the wilderness, only to find that the whole thing 'misfires', (and not in a good way !!!!) ????

It's a common 'life experience', isn't it, and so common, that prestigious broadsheet Onion News now has its own pull-out 94-page "Comeback Colour Supplement" to chronicle the phenomenon, which speaks "volumes" in itself, doesn't it - no pun intended!!!!

Here's one "doozie" of a story, straight off the block!!!!

Or how about this other "doozy" this morning?

And that one's, literally, "hot off the press" - or should I say "hot off the barbecue (!) "? 

[No! -Ed]

However, these "comeback" stories, and others too numerous to print here (!), certainly bring the flicker of an ironic smile back to the faces of me and my wife Lois today, no question about that!!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

Just yesterday, we received word from Steve, our American brother-in-law, of "the comeback to end all comebacks, would you believe. Yes, the Guardian's Edith Pritchett, is officially "back in business" and producing more of her amusing Venn diagrams, that Lois and I have sorely missed these past (25?) years or so!

And here's today's "doozy" from Edith!

Truth to tell, Lois and I have a rather damp morning today, dodging the rain and just managing to get to our local NHS doctor's surgery in time to book a telephone appointment for Lois, which is masquerading as her "annual check-up" - what madness!!!  

After our crazy morning, however, it's comforting to know that, while Lois and I have been literally "going nowhere", here in Liphook (!!!), that our 16-year-old grandson Isaac has made it to that place in China, Guangzou (???) via Xiamen (????) on his study-trip with a group of fellow Mandarin A-Level students  from his high school in Liphook - the young scamp!!! - so that's all good!!!

(above) Lois and I have a damp day here in Liphook, Hampshire, just managing

to book her a phone so-called "annual check-up" with our NHS GP, and (below) our grandson

Isaac [inset] and his  route to a land of endless sunshine - the young scamp !!!!

Not that Lois and I grudge Isaac his "day in the sun" however, but we do envy the feeling of warmth he must be experiencing, to put it mildly!!! Awwwww!!!!!

Luckily we've got a warm bed to look forward to this afternoon, because we can try out our new electric blanket for the first time, the one we took delivery of, a couple of days ago, which is exciting!!!! You've probably guessed, it's the latest sensation from Dreamland - their sensational "Cosy Dreamer", with new "Intelliheat" - the blanket you can keep switched on, even when you're in the bed, which is nice!!!

14:00 And once in bed, Lois and I are free to discuss those amusing Venn diagrams, and have our usual fight (!) to decide which of Edith's "Top Three" resonates with us the most, eventually picking Diagram #1, with its "ping-pong" reference.

The choice is a "no-brainer" for us, because we remember playing ping-pong with each other at a church youth club, long before we became an "item", which was mad!

(left) this week's "Venn of the Week" for Lois and me, and (right)

flashback to 1970: us in our early days, in a holiday cottage in Shropshire

But what's good for people, for "hooking up" purposes, is good for dogs too, it seems! And more recently, our daughter Alison's dog Bjørn has joined a canine youth-club, which is mad, too! 

Bjørn, who until recently has been spending most of his evenings at home alone on a plumped-up mattress in a so-called "shepherd's hut", has had difficulties forming friendships with other young  dogs, apparently, and this new neighbourhood club offers the chance for young-to-youngish dogs to meet other like-minded dogs of their own age, in a controlled, "safe" environment. 

(left) a typical scene at the local Haslemere "Canine Youth Club", and (right)

a typical evening for our daughter's dog, Bjørn, alone in front of the "telly",

watching re-runs of  the likes of "Lassie" and "Blue Peter", I'm guessing (!)

It  must also be a chance, Lois and I thought, for the young scallywag to meet other young dogs of the opposite sex, "for friendship, table tennis and maybe more", which would be nice.

Unfortunately, however, Bjørn's new "canine youth club" doesn't boast a table-tennis room, but this isn't really too much of a problem, really, because, in any case, the young scamp's preferred ball game is definitely badminton - he can't hit the ball very well (as yet!), but he's very good at chasing it, which is a start!

flashback to July 2025: the visit of our daughter Sarah and family from Perth, Australia,

with (left) Bjørn (ringed) doing a half-decent job as "ball-dog" and (right) Lois strutting her stuff,

after Bjørn gets sent off by officials for not "releasing" the ball when asked, which was mad!

Happy days!!!!

16:00 Lois and I finally struggle out of bed, because my sister Jill is going to be calling us from Ipswich on whatsapp, now restored to health after a couple of weeks suffering with some virus or other, and is enjoying her work for her masters in creative writing. So now we can get her latest news, which is nice!

Jill tells us that her daughter Lucy is now back from honeymoon in Europe with her Anglo-American wife Rosanna, both reportedly "a bit shattered", after their whirlwind tour of Belgium, Germany, Austria etc, but now back in England and nevertheless already "hard at it", at the Ipswich law firm where they both work, although reportedly, again, "still with no overlap between their responsibilities" (!). 

A likely story!!! The young scamps!!!!

(above) my niece Lucy (left) and her Anglo-American wife Rosanna, on their wedding day

last month, and (below) pictured last week on the final leg of their European honeymoon

And Jill herself is already looking forward to two of her plays being staged in London in November by the feminist "Yellow Coat Theatre", who boast "Of Course I'm Hot, I'm 50!", which makes sense to us!

Lois and I are 80, but we're still "hot" too, especially when we're under our new "Cosy Dreamer" electric blanket from Dreamland, with new "Intelliheat", to put it mildly!!!

(left) the Yellow Coat Theatre Company, who are putting on two of my sister Jill's

plays at London's iconic "Glitch Theatre" next month, and (right)

Jill posing with two of the company's members

19:00 Another crazy day over! And it's nice for Lois and me to finally relax on the couch this evening, and enjoy another fascinating programme on BBC4 by "bone guy" Ben Garrod, no less!

What Ben doesn't know about bones isn't worth knowing, the young rascal! And today's programme is all about bones and sex, or sex and bones (!), whichever way you prefer to look at it!

Apparently for a long time it was a mystery why the male narwhal, for example, has such enormous tusks, which the females don't have, until a team of Harvard researchers came up with the probable explanation.

a female narwhal (above) and a male with his enormous tusk

The two sexes live apart, Ben tells us, only seeking each other out in the mating season, which must save valuable time for both sexes, if nothing else! 

So how do the males and females find each other in the Earth's vast oceans? It's been a puzzle for decades, but we may now have the explanation, Ben tells us tonight. 

A team from Harvard University has discovered that the key is the minute sensory pits along the outside of the male's tusk. There are as many as 2,500 of these little pits per square millimetre, would you believe, which is mad, but it's a feature that proves very useful to the males. 

You see, these pits are thought to be able to sense minute changes in the ocean's water pressure, its temperature and even its salinity, so that the males can gradually "home in" on "where the girls are" (!). 

And Lois and I speculate that if human males could somehow have sensory pods grafted onto them, in their tusks, if they're lucky enough to have one concealed somewhere (!), or perhaps just stuck on their heads, say, or feet, even, with superglue or other DIY product, maybe, that this would have some fairly obvious benefits.

It would obviously completely obviate the need for youth clubs and table-tennis tables, for example. 

I wonder.....!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!