Tuesday March 3rd 2026 "Do YOU find it hard to concentrate when your boss starts on one of his little 'speeches' ?"

Yes, Friends, do YOU find it hard to keep concentrating when your boss is "droning on" about Third Quarter Profits (or otherwise!!!) and all that 'malarkey' (!) ???? A lot of us do, I'm certain, just like local man Andy Fry, who was all over page 94 of the local Onion News for East Hampshire this morning - did you see the "splash" headlines - bet you did haha!!!!

Oops !!!! 

And that hapless CEO obviously forgot the first rule of a CEO speech - to just "witter on" about the stock market, profits etc, for most of your allotted time, leaving any substantial company news like "firings", "layoffs" etc, for the last two minutes of your speech! 

It's hardly rocket science, is it !!! Be fair !!!!!

However, recalling that Onion story, here in rural, semi-translucent Liphook, Hampshire, this morning, brings a fairly definite bit of a crooked smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, as we get down to our proverbial "30 minutes of squelching", deep in the mud of nearby Old Man Lowsley's Farm on our daily walk today, to put it mildly!!!!

Lois and me after our "thirty minutes of squelching", deep in the mud 

of nearby Old Man Lowsley's Farm, hyped up by our first sighting 

this spring of a beautiful peacock butterfly [inset], a hopeful sign

The truth is, we could both of us give that hapless local CEO a few tips on how to write a speech today! 

Lois has been quietly writing a presentation herself, over the past couple of days, a 30-minute online talk to her church's fellow female members, the so-called "sisters' class". And by 12 noon this morning, when we embark on our "squelching" (!), she had already given her presentation, which had generated a lot of interest and questions, she tells me. 

(left) flashback to Saturday, when Lois was already well into the research for her

presentation, and (right) the hand-written script which she delivered online earlier today.

I never had any doubts that Lois's talk (about the woman with the alabaster box of ointment etc) would go down well. Lois is a natural, and very much her father's daughter: her dear late father Dennis, a lay preacher, was known to church members all over the English-speaking world for his carefully researched, beautifully written, and warm-hearted presentations, which he gave not just in Britain but also in Canada, the US, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa etc - you name it!

If only I could say the same thing about myself haha!!!

I am, "for my sins" (!), the leader of the local U3A "Intermediate History of the English Language for Old Codgers" group - a somewhat clumsy name for the group, but at least it "does what it says on the tin", as people say, which is some comfort !!!!

Yours Truly, for his "sins", leader of the local U3A "Intermediate History of 

the English Language for Old Codgers" group, would you believe !!!!

Recently my group members bullied me into agreeing to give them a presentation on "What would the English Language be like today, if William the Conqueror, Duke of Normandy, had lost the Battle of Hastings in 1066 ?".

Luckily there's at least one "obvious" point I can make - that, after the battle, the huge influx of French and Latin words that started flooding into our language, wouldn't have happened, and we'd be speaking a language basically "100% Anglo-Saxon with perhaps just a dash of Viking", as comedian Tony Hancock famously once called it, back in the 1950's.

It's noteworthy that Germany, a country which wasn't conquered by William, has an incredibly low percentage of "foreign" words, in it - only about 5%. Only Mandarin Chinese has a lower score, at a mere 1%. 

What a crazy world we live in!!!!!

On the other hand, English is one of the worst languages in the world for having incorporated, like, a billion foreign, non-native words - more than a billion, probably (!) - mostly from French and Latin. The result is that, an incredible 75% or so of our words are non-native, ie neither Anglo-Saxon, nor Norse.

What madness, isn't it !!!!

But there was another consequence of William's victory, back in 1066, that perhaps isn't so well-known, a feature which I intend to highlight in my so-called "talk"....

You see, when William and his Norman nobles started taking over Britain after 1066, they weren't really very interested in their Anglo-Saxon peasants, as long as they kept out of the Normans' way, and (preferably) kept working (!). The English were the poor "sods" who were doing all the real work, while the Normans were ensconced in their castles, drinking and feasting day and night. 

life in England during the Norman period: (left) the Normans in their castles,

feasting and talking French, while (right) the poor English were toiling in the fields

doing all the real work, but talking English while they did it, which was nice!

At least, however, the Normans, due to their lack of interest, left the peasants mostly to their own devices: the Normans just kept very much to themselves, continuing to talk French in their castles, enabling the English, toiling in the fields, to carry on talking English. The result was that the English language was free to develop and modernise much faster, with no "poncy" Normans telling them how they should, or should not, be speaking, which was some consolation. 

But what a madness it all was !!!!!

So book your seat now for my forthcoming so-called "talk "! Tickets are selling fast! Members only haha!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!

Monday March 2nd 2026 "Friends, have YOU got somebody who can make a game-changing improvement to YOUR life?"

Yes, Friends, have you got some special somebody who can turn YOUR life around for, say, under £100 a "pop"? Local sad man Tom Etheridge is in luck, according to this morning's Onion News for East Hampshire - did you "catch" the story today?

Kudos, that woman! And the story brings a knowing smile to the faces of my wife Lois and me this morning in rural, semi-autonomous Liphook, Hampshire, as we tramp through local Radford Park indulging in another 30 minutes of "squelching" through the mud on our daily walk, listening out for the lovely birdsong. Lois says it's excitement over the start of the mating season that's making the local birds so vocal, so it's all immediately understandable.

Poor birds - they've waited long enough haha!!!!

Never mind the birds, for Lois and me our own excitement is palpable today too - people are saying you can "palp" it for miles around haha!

The reason? Well, just like sad local man Etheridge, who's on the brink of having a birthday with lots of game-changing gifts from thoughtful girlfriend Alessa, my own daily "routine" is about to be changed for the better, with a much-discussed "game-changing" new slot in my afternoon, which is nice, using the book of exercises I originally bought on my retirement, 20 years ago this month, if you can believe that!

(left) flashback to March 2006, my 60th birthday and the day Lois and I both retired,

and (right) me yesterday with the exercise book I bought at the time, now still looking 

as shiny and untouched as when I first bought it, an incredible 20 years ago this month!

From today, I'm debuting my new daily 45-minute "exercise slot" starting at 3:30pm, immediately after our 90-minute "statutory afternoon nap slot", which is exciting! And Lois thinks it will be a complete game-changer for me, seeing as how my current exercising regime currently has had no fixed time-slot. 

And this fact, in tandem with my justly-famous "busy busy busy" lifestyle, leads to the exercising being, perhaps conveniently, "forgotten about" most days, she hypothesises, and I think there may be something in that argument, to be fair!

some typical exercises from the book

So watch this space! There is provision, which I've had "written into" my new contract with Lois, that the exercise slot can be called off, if I feel I haven't had enough time for a completely satisfying nap, which may turn out to be a dangerous loophole, but we'll see! Your views welcome - postcards only haha!!!!

Certainly, now approaching 80, both Lois and I most days feel like "complete ruins" (!), so it's nice this evening to see some other, even older ruins, in the latest fascinating programme in Alice Roberts' new series "The Roman Empire By Train".

The Romans liked their towns planned on perfect grids, meticulously aligned to north, south, east and west, something which our Anglo-Saxon ancestors didn't bother to do, which is a pity, Lois and I sometimes think (!). 

Lois and I didn't know, however, that Roman fastidiousness in trying to create towns perfectly aligned with the universe, has enabled historians to use astronomical data, combined with archaeological data, to determine more or less the exact date that many Roman towns were founded, And this is the case with Turin, in the north of Italy - on the basis of the ever changing night sky, Turin's foundation has been dated to January, 9 BC, which is when its street grid would have been perfectly aligned.

But here's another "stinker" of a question.....

Did a herd of African elephants come this way, even further back in time, in 218BC? Well, "maybe" is the only answer it's possible to give to that old "chestnut" (!).

As we're told in tonight's TV programme, way back in the 2nd century BC, when the world's two superpowers of the time - Rome and Carthage (in modern day Tunisia) - clashed in the second Punic War, the the Carthaginian general Hannibal invaded Italy, coming through the Alps, bringing all his forces, including his fighting elephants, with him. 

But exactly what route did Hannibal take for his epic journey? Frustratingly that's one question that's proved just too difficult to answer, as Alice explains:

Fascinating stuff, isn't it!!!!

Will this do? Or is that question just another case of "Hannibalism"? I think we should be told!

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!

Saturday February 28th - Sunday March 1st 2026 "Do YOU dread babysitting - it's more difficult than people think, isn't it!!!!"

Yes, Friends, do YOU dread baby-sitting a neighbour's child or maybe even your own grandchild? It isn't exactly "child's play" is it, as this story in this morning's local Onion News for East Hampshire, makes crystal clear!

Poor Rachel!!!! And let's hope she gets things back into shape before little Cameron and little Liam's parents get back from their evening out!!!

The Onion story, which was later picked up by some of the "nationals" and also even led the BBC's Six o'Clock News tonight, I notice (!), certainly brings a sympathetic and slightly bemused, smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois  this Saturday lunchtime, as we try to cope with an overgenerous "BLT" at the popular Darnley's eatery in nearby Haslemere, just over the county line in Surrey today, to put it mildly!!!!

my wife Lois and me, tackling an overgenerous 'BLT' at the popular

Darnley's eatery in nearby Haslemere, 10 miles away over

the county line, in Surrey, this morning

We're officially in Haslemere because we're "babysitting" our 15-year-old grandson Isaac this weekend, but we're not anticipating any "won't put my pants back on" tantrums of the kind which catapulted poor local babysitter Rachel into the nation's headlines, that's for sure!!!! Isaac's parents and siblings are all 300 miles away up north for the weekend, visiting Isaac's older sister Josie at Durham University, where she's in the first year of her maths degree course.

(left) our daughter Alison and husband Edward, in Durham today, and (right)

Alison with their eldest offspring, Josie (19) - pictures they send back today

12:00 For us, the weekend has started peacefully enough, we reflect, as we sit and eat part of our BLT's this morning (we get them to "box up" the rest, which we can have for breakfast tomorrow - waste not, want not, as we always say!!!! We've already picked Isaac up from his home at 10:30am and delivered him safely to Haslemere Hall for his music-and-drama class under the auspices of LAMDA (London Academy of Musical and Dramatic Arts), where various ideas for their 2027 production are being "kicked around" - possibly "Nine to Five", a musical version of the 1980 Dolly Parton film. 

Their 2026 production was the musical version of  "Legally Blonde", in which Isaac played two roles, a Harvard law student as well as a "hunky", girl-pleasing, UPS delivery guy. Budding male actors are always heavily outnumbered by budding female actors in these amateur musical-and-dramatic efforts, that's for sure, which is nice for Isaac !!!!

flashback to February - (right) us, the proud grandparents watching Isaac (left, standing) 

singing a song in the LAMDA production of Legally Blonde in the local Haslemere Hall

13:30 We pick Isaac up after his rehearsals, and take him back to the family's temporary home in nearby Churt, amidst acres of quiet woodland and the only neighbours are the occasional deer, which is nice! Lois and I are here now for the weekend, so we now spend some time unpacking our literally "billions of suitcases and bags" (!) that we somehow always find necessary to take with us (!). 

Before leaving for Durham early this morning, our daughter Alison has got ready for us the bedroom with its massive emperor-size bed (7ft x 7ft) with ensuite bathroom that she shares with husband Ed, so we're hardly "slumming it", to put it mildly!!!!

Alison and Edward's 7 ft emperor-size bed, which Lois and I 

will be borrowing for the weekend - it's got an en-suite bathroom

and a window overlooking acres of woodland, where deer run

Our "job" this weekend, will be to be temporarily "in charge", while Isaac gets on with doing revision for next week's GCSE "mock" exams, providing meals and kind-of keeping half an eye on the family's two dogs and two cats, as well as a tankful of tropical fish.

The fish are neatly "trapped" in their tank, and we don't see much of the cats except at feeding time, which is nice. And Sika, the older of the two dogs is no problem either - he's an "old man" now, happy to curl up in his basket: he's a bit like me, in other words, although I don't have a basket to do it in - an idea for Christmas present of me here, though, maybe? 

I wonder....!

our grandson Isaac "marshalling" the family's menagerie 

of two cats and two dogs, as they queue up, always on 

the wrong side of any door they encounter - what madness !!!!!

The main problem for Lois and me is the younger of the two dogs, Bjorn, who, for the first couple of hours is "all over us", although eventually he seems to realise that we're just a couple of "old codgers", and not worth getting too "worked up" over, which is something of a relief, to put it mildly!

(left) Lois giving the two dogs "a good talking-to", and (right) Lois 

with the now elderly Sika - poor Sika !!!!!!!

(left) Lois with young Bjorn, finally calmed down, and (right) me with Otto the Cat

Isaac himself is no trouble at all, just getting on with his school revision work. He's very easy to chat to, also, but we don't need to make special efforts to entertain or amuse him. At our advanced age (!), there's absolutely nothing that Lois and I can do to entertain or amuse a normal 15-year-old boy - and quite right too! - so we can just get on with entertaining and amusing each other in our semi-palatial "suite", which is nice!

Two of our other grandchildren, the ones in Australia, are a bit younger, however, and we can sometimes raise a smile with them still, which is gratifying! And next morning, Sunday, Lois and I get up early for our weekly "catch-up" whatsapp call with our other daughter Sarah, who lives 9000 miles away, in Perth, Australia, with husband Francis and their 12-year-old twins Lily and Jessica. 

our 12-year-old twin grandchildren, Lily and Jessica

in the garden of the family home in Perth, Australia

The twins last month started "big school", a private Anglican grammar school in one of the city's northern suburbs, and they've already started learning Japanese, which is something I can help them with, "for my sins", having studied the language myself a "mere" 60 years ago (!).

flashback to last Sunday: one of our weekly whatsapp "catch-up" calls

with our daughter Sarah, and granddaughters Lily and Jessica, in Perth, Australia

The twins are complaining today that the Japanese word for "pleased to meet you" - yoroshiku - is nothing like its English equivalent, and so quite difficult to memorise. 

I explain that this kind of thing is a drawback with Japanese, and, that, by contrast, the French equivalent word "enchanté" sounds a bit like the English word "enchanted", and so comes more readily to mind. However, their feeling is that to say you're enchanted, when you meet somebody new, is a bit "over the top", and I can see their point!

To provide a quick-fix solution to the problem, I then suggest that, if they're ever introduced to somebody in France, they should qualify their excitement, and say "un peu enchanté" (literally I'm slightly enchanted to meet you), which they agree is probably more realistic, so fair play to them!

10:00 Leaving Isaac to his own devices for the rest of the weekend, I drive Lois 17 miles down the A3 trunk road to Petersfield, Hampshire, so she can take part in her church's Sunday Morning Meeting. And after the meeting, we stay on, with many of the church-members, for the monthly "shared lunch" where members bring along a plate or dish or two, to contribute to the meal. 

It's a special "shared lunch" this month, partly to celebrate the 90th near-birthday of church-member Myrtle, who had the bad luck to be born on February 29th 1926, which is a classic! Only gets a real birthday every 4 years, which is a pity!

Myrtle, at the head of the table, with her 90th birthday cake, 

summoning up the "puff" to blow out the candles!!!!

Poor Myrtle!!!

It's ironic to me, that these shared lunches at the church are the only time I get to eat some really "sinful" food, which is ironic! When we're at home, Lois has to keep to a low-sugar diet for health reasons, and as she's the meal-provider 99% of the time (to my shame!), it means that effectively, I myself am on a low-sugar diet too, which is certainly to my ultimate good, but can be a bit frustrating at times, to put it mildly!!!!

When it's shared-lunch Sunday, however, I finally get to gorge myself on cakes, chocolate, meringues galore, with "lashings" of cream - yum yum!!! And after the lunch, feeling properly "stuffed" (!), I drive Lois home to Liphook, for an afternoon in our own dear bed, something which we need, if just to recover from all the excitement - well, we are 79 you know, although incredibly, still "marvellous for our age", according to "reports" at least haha !!!!!!

the monthly "shared lunch" after the Sunday Morning meeting - my only chance

in the month to eat some really "sinful" food, which is ironic!!!

What madness isn't it!!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!

Friday February 27th 2026 "Are AI 'chatbots' getting a bit 'above themselves', do you think?"

Yes, Friends, are these awful AI 'chatbots' getting "above themselves", do you think? A lot of people are getting a bit frustrated by them, that's for sure, when you read front-page stories like the one in today's Onion News, that's for sure!

Poor human !!!!!

But reading that human's story brings a bit of an unusually anxious smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, to put it mildly!!!!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

We're not exactly worried about 'chatbots' ourselves - not yet, at least! But the day may soon be coming, as we find out to our dismay on opening up Lois's copy of her "The Week" magazine, which gives us a digest of world news over the last 7 days, and which "plopped" through our letterbox earlier today, that's for sure!

It seems that, according to Lois's magazine, the socialist Albanian Prime Minister has appointed a chatbot as his Minister for Public Procurement: her name is Diella, and she's been created to look like, and sound like, the country's leading stage and film actress, Anila Bisha, even though the actress has not given permission for her face and voice to be used.

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

(left) me opening up our copy of Lois's "The Week" magazine,

and (right) the headline that caught my eye this morning, to put it mildly!

The Prime Minister's idea was that a chatbot minister for public procurement would rid the post of the nepotism and corruption that previous human incumbents had become embroiled in, and at last enable the country to join the EU. But it hasn't worked - investigations into the current batch of large Albanian infrastructure reports have shown that corruption is alive and well, and as rife as it ever was. The Diella saga, according to the Tirana Times, is "a classic case of governance by appearance, where innovation is used to mask rather than to confront corruption".

What madness!!!!!

top Albanian actress Anila Bisha, seen here talking to the chatbot 

created in her own image, who's now Minister for Public Procurement

- what madness!!!!

At least for Lois and me, this latest chatbot scandal provides a moment of quiet amusement (!) in another frantic day this Friday here in Liphook.

Yes, and "frantic" isn't too much of an exaggeration today, to put it mildly!!!

First and foremost, we're having to get ready for our weekend away, when we'll be "keeping an eye on" our 15-year-old grandson Isaac. His parents - our daughter Alison and husband Edward - plus Isaac's older sister Rosalind (17) will be travelling 300 miles up to Durham in the far north of England to visit their other daughter Josie (19), who's in her first year at the university there, studying for a maths degree. And Lois and I will be spending Saturday night at the family's home 10 miles from here, in Churt, just over the county line, in Surrey.

flashback to January: our daughter Alison, with husband Edward, 

and their 3 teenage offspring Josie (19), Rosalind (17)

and Isaac (15) on their skiing holiday to northern Sweden

And if that wasn't enough (!), in addition to packing suitcases, Lois and I have also got to somehow fit into our already busy day, (a) the puzzles at the back of next week's Radio Times, as well as (b) going out for one of our daily walks.

our frantic day - (top left) me trying to squeeze a mountain of belongings

into a tiny suitcase for our weekend away, and trying to get through

a set of challenging puzzles in the new Radio Times - it's complete mayhem!!!

And we're trying desperately to keep up our daily walks, if we can get a spare half-hour, that is!

As a pair of classic "boomers" - both born in 1946, would you believe, although still, incredibly "marvellous for our age" (!) - we're using our daily walk to try to stay healthy. A recent report sent us by Steve, our American brother-in-law, says that the world's wine industry is dependent on boomers, who are the most enthusiastic consumers of wine. So somehow Lois and I have got to stay fit and healthy to keep the poor wine-growers in business, which is another worry!!!!

Jon Phillips, owner of Californian winery Inspiration Vineyards, and a "boomer" himself, at 65, says that younger people, i.e. Generation X and Millennials just aren't into wine enough. And other factors, such as tariffs, wildfires and negative imaging of alcohol haven't helped, he has told the New York Post. 

So we "boomers" have somehow got to take up the slack, apparently, and keep drinking the wine that Phillips and others produce. 

More stress - just what we don't need!!!!! What madness, isn't it !!!!

9

us on our walk today, over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer giants Liphook United,

currently "languishing" in the Hampshire Premier League's relegation zone,

with us just trying to stay healthy and keep the world's wineries going (!)

Busy busy busy!!!! 

[You lazy bastards! - Ed]

Even the birds are busy today - see bird song data above! Lois says they're all building the nests they're planning to mate in this year.

Will any of us ever get any peace?!!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzzz!!!!!   See you on Monday, when the "mayhem" will be starting all over again!!!!