Friday April 17th 2026 "Have YOU got a 'big event' coming up? Well be sure to get a 'planner' if you want it to be perfect haha!"

Yes, Friends, if YOU have a 'big event' coming up - you know the sort I mean!!! - be sure to get a 'planner' to iron out some of other 'choke points' if that's not too much of a 'mixed metaphor'!!!

Local woman Maureen Crompton, who's getting married soon, is following the 'rule book' 'to the letter', that's for sure, at least according to this morning's Onion News - did you catch the story?

Poor Crompton !!!!

Still, it shouldn't take Crompton too long to find a replacementl a couple of shades lighter, and the story brings a semi-radiant smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, as we take our near-daily walk over nearby Old Man Lowsley's Farm, listening to the birdsong, and the 'wheeeeeee!' sound of passing overhead airliners - in this case the British Airways 10:46 am morning flight from Toulouse, France to London Heathrow, 11,000 feet above us, to put it mildly!

And we're laughing at Crompton's story, because, by total coincidence, we've had an invitation to attend the wedding of Lois's great-niece Lauren at the tiny village of Marsh Baldon, near Oxford, set for June, which will be nice!

We've watched (from afar!) "little Lauren" gradually grow up - the way children tend to do! - at her home in Barton, Oxford, over many years, and we've followed her progress through her years of teaching in Japan and finally hooking up with handsome beau, Eoin - he's a good-looking guy, and there's no need to worry that he'll be 'pencilled out' by any foolish wedding-planner due to 'unsightliness' that's for sure!!!!

Lois's great-niece Lauren through the years, (top left) with Lois and other 

family members many years ago, following Lauren's love affair with Japan etc, 

finally her 'hooking up' with beau Eoin (bottom right) in Barton, Oxford

So fingers crossed, Lois and I will be able to attend Lauren's wedding coming up in June, although it'll mean a longer car journey than we're used to, and by that time both Lois and I will have reached the grand old age of 80, would you believe, which is totally mad!!!!

Like Lauren, I myself spent a study year in Japan, but that was ages ago, back in 1970-71, about a year before Lois and I got married. And Lois came out to see me while I was over there, so she's got a 'feel' for what a crazy country it is, to put it mildly!

(flashback to 1971: Lois comes out to spend 2 weeks with me during my study year

in Japan - (top right) halfway up Mt Fuji, and (below) our weekend at a hillside retreat

By coincidence, celebrity train travelogue presenter and ex-cabinet minister Michael Portillo has been seeing Japan by train himself recently, and tonight Lois and I catch the fifth episode of his fascinating new 20-part series on BBC2, which is nice!

It's nostalgic for me tonight to see Michael in the Japanese Alps, where I spent a few days during my study year, with my Japanese student friends Tetsu and Hiro, back in the day. 

I even managed to get a pair of skis onto my feet, for the first and only time in my life! But I quickly realised that skiing was not for me, to put it mildly - as you can tell from my 'body language' perhaps!

flashback to 1971: me in the Japanese Alps trying on skis for the first (and only!)

time in my life, seen here with student pals Tetsu and Hiro

What madness, wasn't it !!!!!

In tonight's TV programme, however, Michael Portillo, while, at his age, wisely not trying to put on a pair of skates (!), also finds time to meet up with a woodblock expert who explains how it was this region where Japan's most famous artwork came about, septuagenarian Japanese artist Hokusai's 19th century masterpiece "The Great Wave Off Kanagawa".

The pictures shows massive volumes of water crashing over the coast at nearby Kanagawa. It's a picture that Lois and I like so much, that we had it put on one of our cushion covers, would you believe, which "speaks volumes" in itself - no pun intended !!!!

(left) Japanese artist Hokusai's "Great Wave" , and (right) I showcase

the cushion cover which Lois and I have, and which celebrates Hokusai's design

In the 1820's to 1830's, when Hokusai was in his 70's, he retired to the quiet mountain village of Obuse, in the Japanese Alps, and, there, he produced this famous masterpiece, an example of the 19th century Japanese fashion for "ukiyo-e" woodblock prints.

"Ukiyo-e" style artworks are now famous all over the world, but it's interesting that at the time, they were considered "vulgar" by the Japanese authorities, and the many prints of Hokusai's works were used as cheap 'packaging material' for the shipping of fragile or valuable objects, which is totally mad! 

There was an interesting by-product of this, however, because when Europeans started receiving packages from Japan, just like little toddlers do (!), they found the 'packaging' far more interesting than the gift itself (!). 

And this included European artists, who were delighted by this new Japanese artform of ukiyo-e, and later showed its influence in their works.

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

And for Lois and me, there was more evidence of just how crazy our world is, earlier in the day, when Lois's copy of "The Week" magazine "plopped" through our letter-box, with its digest of the week's most important news stories from home and abroad, to put it mildly!!!!

Lois and I "devour" her copy of "The Week" magazine, which "plopped" 

through our letterbox today, the magazine that gives a digest of the

most important news stories of the week, from home and abroad

And this week there's a fascinating snippet of the 'snafu' that occurred on the tiny Scottish island of Orkney, when the local Tesco Supermarket mishandled a simple order of bananas from the mainland.

This kind of 'snafu' seems to be something that people are particularly prone to on the Orkney Islands. A couple of years ago, Steve, our American brother-in-law, sent us this fascinating news snippet, after a shopkeeper on the Orkney Islands mistakenly ordered 80 cases of chocolate Easter eggs, instead of the just 80 eggs that he had intended to buy.

Oops!!!!!

Lois and I sympathise, however, because we've made many a snafu of that kind ourselves, when ordering groceries online. It's usually in the other direction, however, ordering far less than we actually wanted, due to some crazy misunderstanding or other - it's  all total madness, isn't it !!!

About a couple of years ago, I had intended to order one kilogram (2.2 lbs) of Brussels sprouts, but instead of one kilogram, I found just one single sprout when I opened up the bags that the supermarket had delivered to us. Lois realised the mistake instantly, and I ran out to catch the delivery guy in his van, before he disappeared. I managed to hand back what we were calling "the lonely sprout" to the delivery guy. 

And the supermarket later issued me with a refund of just 3p, so the system was working satisfactorily from the financial viewpoint at least! 

flashback to 2020: (left) Lois showcases our 'lonely sprout' that 

Sainsbury's had delivered, before I ran out to the van with it 

to hand it back to the delivery guy - what madness, wasn't it!!!!

And what a crazy world we live in (again) !!!!

[That's enough madness! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!!

Thursday April 16th 2026 "Are YOU a bit of a language buff'? Modest local man dares to admit to it, so why don't you haha!!!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU a self-confessed 'bit of a language buff'? Most of us don't have the confidence to admit to making that heady claim, do we (!), but here's one local man who has put all modesty aside in today's Onion News for East Hampshire - just turn to page 94, if you want 'chapter and verse' !!!!

Kudos, that man!!!  And at least he's making the effort, and I'm sure restaurant staff will show their appreciation of that, perhaps even giving Ayers a smile at the very least, or even knocking a bit off the bill at the end of the evening, dare I suggest? 

I wonder....!

And reading Ayers' story this morning here in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire brings a bit of a semi-translucent, crooked smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois today, to put it mildly!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

We're smiling because we know how difficult it is to acquire even the most basic language skills - and we should know, because we've learnt to say 'Where are the gents?' or 'Where are the ladies?' etc (as the case may be!!) in, like, a billion languages, more probably (!), would you believe!

And in particular, after our daughter Alison and family moved to Denmark in 2012, Lois and I, during our many visits there, had to go to the toilet for example multiple times, and, what's more, to do it all over Denmark, one way or another. Hence our desire to pick up the basics of the necessary language skills (!). 

flashback to 2017: us on our visit, with our daughter Alison,

to Hamlet's Castle at Elsinore, north of Copenhagen

And, on a practical note, if YOU ever find yourself in Hamlet's Castle, the toilets are just through that gateway on the right, if you're looking at the picture on the left, and, as an extra hint, they're not anywhere up that very tall tower, which I climbed, somewhat laboriously, and fruitlessly (!), in that picture on the right.

some typical Danish public toilets

Yes, over the years Lois and I learnt to get by in Intermediate Danish, during our several visits to Denmark, and now, 9 years on, it's one of the reasons why today, April 16th is such a busy day for us, which is weird!

You see, feeling a responsibility to give others the benefit of our experiences looking for toilets in Denmark, we've found ourselves winding up leading the local U3A online "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" group, 'for our sins' (!), and today is our little group's fortnightly meeting would you believe! 

It certainly comes round quickly, doesn't it !!!!

[Well, it will do, Colin, if it's fortnightly, won't it - Ed]

One of our group's members, Jeanette, is actually Danish herself, but she left the country back in the 1980's and welcomes the chance to 'brush up' and learn all about the latest slang and buzz-words that those crazy Danish younger people are using these days, so that's all good!

Jeanette, our little group's only genuinely Danish member

This is a really great help to us, and to have one native speaker in our group is a definite advantage, we think. What you don't want is to have a whole class packed with native speakers, with no Brits at all, that's for sure! 

Remember poor Terry Jones's Italian Language Evening Class at Gerrards Cross, Bucks, where every single student in the class was an Italian native, a bit of bad luck that put teacher Terry at an enormous disadvantage from the get-go? Do you remember?

flashback to poor Terry Jones' Italian Evening Class at Gerrards Cross, Bucks,

where every one of his students was already a fluent speaker - poor Terry !!!!

When it comes to our Danish group, Jeanette, by contrast, is so useful to us in explaining some of the Danish idioms. Who knew, for example that one way the Danes have or describing somebody who drinks himself stupid, is that he "drinks himself into the fence" (drikke sig i hegnet) ? 

drinking yourself into the fence, Danish style  - one Danish 

cartoonist's somewhat cockeyed angle on the phenomenon!

And the writer of one short story we've read permits herself to make a little Danish joke at this point, and she says that, because a particular 'drinking orgy' is going on in a shrubby sort of garden, that somebody is "drinking himself into the fence, or, it might be, into the hedge for that matter". 

Haha!!!!  But to be perfectly frank, the writer's fence-hedge joke doesn't really work in English, does it! 

[It's still funnier than a lot of your jokes, Colin! - Ed]

As far as today is concerned, it's another hectic day for Lois and me: in the morning, preparing for our online Danish meeting, and in the afternoon, logging in to our laptop, leading the meeting, and trying to bring some order to its somewhat anarchic proceedings, which isn't easy, to put it mildly!

(left) me, with my trusty Danish dictionary, looking a bit 'dog-eared' and 'well-thumbed'

(me, I mean, not the dictionary!!!!), and (right) me and Lois leading another rowdy 

online meeting of our local "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" group

[Is that really all you two 'noggins' have done today, Colin? - Ed]

Absolutely not, seeing as how you're asking! Lois has also somehow found time to hang out a load of washing in the tiny back garden of our house on this 1970's style housing estate here in Liphook, where we moved to in January 2025.

And we've discovered also, after some light-to-moderate internet research, that our housing estate was built on top of an old farm called Collyer's Farm, that had been here for centuries. And the old farmhouse is still standing, round the corner on the main road, would you believe!!!

(left) Lois, hanging out the washing in our garden in this 1970's housing estate,

and (right) the farmhouse that still survives from at least the 1600's and 1700's

when this whole area was called Collyer's farm - what madness, wasn't it!!!!

So, quite a day, all in all!

[You lazy so-and-so's, Colin! - Ed]

20:00 Yes, Lois and I have really taken to Hampshire, having moved here 16 months ago, and so it's nice tonight to flop down on the sofa and enjoy a rerun of diminutive celebrity Scottish travelogue presenter Susan Calman's recent series, giving her  "take" on the county, no doubt about that!

Tonight Susan ventures below decks on Admiral Nelson's flagship HMS Victory in Portsmouth Harbour, the ship Nelson took, with the British fleet, down to Spanish waters to defeat Napoleon's fleet at the battle of Trafalgar in 1805.

But who knew that Nelson's ship had space to carry 54 live bullocks! But it makes sense, doesn't it, in an age before refrigeration, to keep your supplies fresh until they were needed - it isn't exactly rocket science,  is it!

Yes, it was madness, but there was method in that madness, that's for sure. And they also took a lot of beer, and I mean "a lot". It was low-alcohol beer, of course, but sailors were permitted to drink a gallon of it every day of the trip, which is mad! And if beer wasn't available, they were given a pint of wine, or a half-pint of rum. What madness!!!!  [That's more than enough madness! - Ed]

The sun may have shone on the British Fleet down in Spanish waters, but the fleet's home port of Portsmouth gets a good share of Britain's annual rainfall, that's for sure!

Who knew, however, that it was Portsmouth native Jonas Hanway who was the person who introduced modern umbrellas to England?

Portsmouth-born Jonas Hanway, the man who first

promoted the idea of the modern umbrella in Britain.

It's thought that umbrellas started out as parasols in the Far East, as a defence against the noonday sun in those sunny, far-off places - but what madness!!

We Brits are notoriously conservative, however, and it took a while for the umbrella, initially thought to be a bit on the "poncey" side, to get general acceptance. And true to form, 'carrying an umbrella' suddenly became somehow more respectable after the Royal Family took it up - no surprise there!!!

Initially, however, Jonas was mocked on the streets of London, and even attacked, when he first ventured outside with his 'brolly' up - poor Jonas!!!!

What a crazy country we live in !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!