Friday May 8th 2026 "Did YOU get confronted by a creature from hell, when you cast YOUR vote this week?"

Yes, Friends, did YOU get "propositioned" by a creature from hell, as you cast your vote in this week's UK local county council elections? Well, it happened in America, didn't it, and you know what they say - what happens in the US happens 10 years later in the UK! And that US election was the big story in today's Onion News' popular "From the Archives" column!!!!

Turn to page 94, and cower in terror !!!!!

Poor voters !!!!! Those crazy US elections eh !!!!!!

Reading the story today, however, here in semi-precious Liphook, Hampshire, UK brings a naughty smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois today as we take our near-daily walk over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer giants, Liphook United, that's for sure!

my wife Lois and me on our near-daily walk, which today brings us

over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes Liphook United

Today is county council election results day here, by coincidence, but we fail to see any "flesh-eating zombies", or anybody else, for that matter (!), as we tread that "hallowed turf", completely on our own, as it turns out, would you believe!!! 

Yes, today for once, there isn't a soul around, dead, half-dead or undead, you name it !!!! Maybe the electoral "walking corpses" are having lunch, perhaps on a nice plate or two of human flesh!!!! 

You see, it's already lunchtime, and Lois and I are running a bit later than usual today, not getting out of the house till gone 12 noon, due to Lois wanting to plant her six seed-potatoes this morning in our tiny so-called vegetable garden, which is mad!!!! 

But could that chance judgment have saved our lives, in hindsight??? 

(left) my wife Lois pointing to where she sowed her 4 seed-potatoes, and (right)

her beans and courgettes, some of which are beginning to sprout. It was madness, 

of course, but did that decision to plant today end up saving our lives?????

I wonder....!!!!

Later the shock news comes in, however, that, in East Hampshire at least, the Conservatives have fought off a strong challenge from the Lib Dems, in 4 out of the seven divisions, with poor old Andy Tree in a minority of one, as the sole representative of the Whitehill and Bordon Community Party, which, let's face it, is a party with a name that isn't going to win them many votes outside of Whitehill and Bordon, is it! 

Face facts, Andy haha!!!! And possibly also consider changing your party's damaging, self-destructive name perhaps haha!!!

(above) vote-counters at County Hall today, waiting for the votes to come in,

and (below) East Hampshire's results with Liphook's winning candidate

Debbie Curnow-Ford (crazy name, crazy gal!), standing for the Conservatives

Kudos, Debbie !!!!!

Elsewhere, in the big world outside East Hampshire, news comes in, later, however, that Nigel Farage's Reform Party has been making gains again. 

Lois and I aren't too worried, however, because most councils, we hope, won't have any party with an overall majority, which is nice, because then they will all have to work together, like Lois and I do, i.e. just as if they were sensible people (!). And it won't affect the national scene - Keir Starmer's Labour Party still has a thumping big majority in the House of Commons, and there doesn't have to be an election for 3 years. Also, there doesn't seem to be an obvious replacement for Keir, so that's all good!

And hopefully, by 2029, Farage will have been fully revealed for being the kind of character he really is - let's hope so !!!

But we'll see!

Lois and I feel more threatened, not so much by Farage himself, as by the prospect of crypto-currency, because Farage seems to be good pals with some crypto-currency mega-rich guy based in Thailand, according to tonight's edition of "Have I Got News For You", the comedy news quiz. 

What madness!!!!

And Lois and I are, currently, completely out of crypto-currency just at the moment, would you believe, which is bad luck, isn't it haha!!!!

Lois and I didn't know that, back in 2024, Farage accepted an undeclared £5 million pound personal gift from a Thailand-based crypto-currency billionaire, and that it was shortly after that, that Farage "reconsidered" his previous decision not to stand for Parliament. 

But that need not be suspicious at all, as Ian Hislop helpfully explains on tonight's show!!!!

So that's all right then haha !!!!

Jon Richardson, however, is worried about why, after 2 years, Farage still hasn't declared that £5 million 'personal gift' he received from the Thai-based billionaire.

And veteran comedienne Sheila Hancock is worried that, if Farage ever got into power, we'd all have to start using this mysterious 'crypto-currency', the currency that that Thai-based cryptocurrency billionaire seems to want us to use!

So Ian Hislop's your man, if you want some 'crypto', nudge-nudge, wink-wink! He's always got some, apparently in his inside jacket pocket, which is handy! You read it here first haha !!!!

But what a crazy country we live in !!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!

Thursday May 7th 2026 "Has YOUR 'fave' rock band been going through a 'sticky period'?"

Yes, Friends, is YOUR fave rock band having 'issues' at the moment? It's a common complaint, isn't it, as a recent poll in Onion News confirms, 'in spades'. Did you see the story?

And those ideas, the ones that are evidently beginning to form in rock-steady heads worldwide, sound pretty awesome don't they! Certainly, the story, broken today by Onion News local, was quickly picked up, on an admittedly 'slow news day' by 'the nationals', like the Times and Telegraph, and even led the early morning bulletins of the BBC World Service, which is nice!

No question either, that reading the story here in semi-opaque Liphook, Hampshire, today, my wife Lois and I allowed ourselves a broad to semi-broad-ish smile as we 'settled into our day, that's for sure!!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

There was one band, however, who, back in the day, didn't have any obvious problems with their drummer, John 'Bonzo' Bonham - yes, I'm talking Led Zeppelin here, folks!

Our 50-year-old daughter, Alison, who lives in nearby Headley, Hampshire, and who drops in to see us this morning for a "catch-up", has apparently this week been inside the iconic mansion, Headley Grange, which is just down the road. It's the big house where so many of the rock bands of the 1970's recorded some of their most iconic numbers back in the day.

Alison also saw, for the first time, the mansion's iconic 'stairway' that inspired Led Zeppelin's monster smash, 'Stairway to Heaven', would you believe!

The mansion where the song was recorded, back in 1970-71, is now owned privately by an elderly couple and their daughter, and Alison, as leader of the local 'open gardens' group, has been discussing opening the mansion's garden to the public on one of her 'open gardens days', which will be nice!

(top left) our daughter Alison today, seen here with Lois on her visit to us this morning,

and (top right) the stairway in the former rock recording studio Headley Grange, with

(below) Robert Plant, Jimmy Paige, John Paul Jones and John Bonham, back in the day

Alison tells us today, that the couple and their daughter, who now own Headley Grange, the former recording studio, say they still get ageing rock fans standing at their gate, gazing at the mansion, and sometimes they invite them in to have a look around. One recent couple, from Japan, were apparently reduced to tears on seeing the iconic 'stairway', which is touching! 

Awwwww!!!!

And our daughter Alison's visit this morning offers Lois and me a rare chance to sit down and enjoy a cup of tea, and some jam doughnuts she picked up in Sainsbury's before she dropped by.

Apart from that, however, today is one mad, hectic rush, apart from our afternoon in bed, would you believe! No surprise there!!!!

What a non-stop crazy world we live in !!!! Here's a snapshot of our crazy day!

for Lois and me, today is just another non-stop crazy day - no surprise there! 

(top right) the spinach and the rhubarb going crazy this year, as always (!),

(bottom left) some seeds of something or other have shown their heads, and

(bottom right) even some tiny carrot seeds have poked their tiny thin stalks above ground!!!

Busy busy busy! What madness it all is, isn't it !!!!

[Is that really all you two 'noggins' have done today, Colin?! - Ed]

Later in the day, however, we get a shock when we hear of the planned date for the big get-together of my many cousins, both in the UK and in the US and Australia. I've got, like, a billion cousins (more probably!) and we try to meet up once a year at the house of my cousin Jeannette near Gerrards Cross, Bucks.

"But why so many cousins, Colin?", I hear you cry! 

Well, my maternal grandparents, in Bridgend, South Wales, were unwise enough to 'spawn' nine children, back in the early 1900s: and those nine children 'were fruitful and multiplied', and with predictable results (!). Just look at these crazy pictures from our first ever "cousins' do", back in the 1980's, and you'll see what I mean!!!!

flashback to the 1987, and the first ever "cousins' do": three generations

including cousins and their children and their surviving parents:

(below left, ringed) Lois, my dear dad, me, my dear mum, and 

(below right, ringed) mine and Lois's two daughters Alison (12) and Sarah (10)

Happy days!!!

The numbers attending these near-annual "cousins' do's" has sadly diminished these days, of course, with the older generation of uncles and aunts now all passed off the scene, and the young generation having long ago 'flown the nest' (!). Also, we surviving cousins are all getting a bit long in the tooth, and the so-called 'northern cousins' - i.e. the ones living in the north of England - rarely make it down south for these events these days, which is a pity!

Here's a photo from a more recent get-together, and as you can see, the numbers have been significantly 'pared down' :

a recent "cousins' do": (right) le tout ensemble, with (left to right)

'Young' John, Liz, me, Jeannette, Susan from Denver, David (our 'new' cousin

discovered after a DNA test), 'Old' John, Lois and Alan 

Lois and I always enjoy these get-togethers, but we learn today that there's been some "argy-bargy" over the date: advertised this week for a date next month, it's been discovered that almost every one of us, including Lois and me, is doing something else over the planned weekend.

What madness!!! 

But you see, that's the kind of busy busy busy lives we 'old codgers' are all leading these days - it's total mayhem!!! In short, luckily, wiser counsels have prevailed, and there's now going to be a re-think on the date of the 2026 get-together, with September now being touted. 

So watch this space!

[I can't wait! - Ed]

Perhaps tomorrow will be quieter?" says Lois. "Some hope of that!", says I !!!!

"

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!

Wednesday May 6th 2026 "Have YOU ever found yourself stuck behind some 'freak' at a concert? Not good, is it!!!!"

Yes, Friends, have YOU ever found yourself stuck behind an example of the increasingly numerous 'freaks' that are attending concerts these days?

It happened to one local woman recently, according to this morning's Onion News for East Hampshire. See my 'potted' version here, for your reading convenience!

Poor Wolf !!!!!!

And surely, surely, the time's coming when these modern-day 'expanding men' should be banned from events, especially when there are also any known short people in the audience? But let me know what YOU think - postcards only haha!!

Certainly, here in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, my wife Lois and me are getting a bit anxious, because we'll be attending a couple of live 'gigs' by our 15-year-old grandson Isaac's band New Horizon in the next month or two. 

10:00 And in the meantime, we'll be taking extra-special care of our toes, in case we have to stand on them to see over any "expanding people", when Isaac really "rocking out" locally, that's for sure!!! Hence our visit this morning to see Janice, our new "toes-woman" over in nearby Hindhead.

(above) our grandson Isaac with his boy-girl band New Horizon, and (below) 

Lois and me this morning in our new 'toes-woman' Janice's back garden,

waiting to have our toenails clipped in her tiny back-yard 'toe-clinic' (!) 

Busy busy busy once again! And to think that when Lois and I first retired, aged 60, like, a billion years ago (!), back in 2006, we thought we'd be able to put our feet up for the next few decades. How wrong can you be !!!!!

At least when Janice calls us in, we do get to put our feet up (physically at least !!!!) for a change of pace, so that she can clip our toenails and 'oil' our feet with her TLC and her aromatic "herbs and spices" !!!!

Busy busy busy! And today there isn't even time for our usual afternoon in bed, would you believe, because we've also to get our eyes checked out instead this afternoon, at Liphook's nearby 'eye-conic' (geddit!!!) Eye Care optician service, would you believe!!!

(above) Liphook's 'eye-conic' optical service, Eye Care, and (below, left) me sitting

 in the service's comfy 'waiting area' reading the brochures, while (below right)  

Lois discusses her new prescription, and possible new frames, with optician Ali

15:30 At last our frantic day of appointments is over, and with hearts, and also our wallets (!) considerably lighter (!!!), Lois and I walk out of the shop and into the late afternoon sunshine.

Unfortunately we're just in time to get caught up in Liphook's manic twice-a-day 'school-run' hour, when all the local mums descend on this tiny town's 'central area' called "The Square", the area consisting of a lunatic arrangement of three almost-adjacent mini-roundabouts: this 'regiment of mums' (!) come either to drop off, or to pick up, their little offspring from the local comprehensive school - and it's all total mayhem, as I expect you've heard !!!! 

tiny Liphook's town centre, with its lunatic arrangement

of three near-contiguous mini-roundabouts - what utter madness, isn't it!!!

Luckily, a few years ago, local 'ideas-man' Peter came up with a set of sensible rules on social media, back in 2014, which should eventually improve things a little, hopefully (!). New ideas, however, take time to be accepted 'in these here parts', as people say in these here parts! But kudos for trying, Peter!!!

What utter utter utter madness, though, isn't it!!!!

And what a day poor old Lois and I have had - yet again !!!!

21:00 And unfortunately there's more madness for Lois and me to cope with this evening, watching "Twenty Twenty Six", the fascinating reality documentary series following the trials and tribulations of the FIFA World Cup international planning committee based in Miami, Florida, now hitting problems with the actual balls to be used in the tournament, which is weird!

This week, more problems hi-jack the poor World Cup Planning Committee's progress, after a conspiracy theorist starts claiming, on social media, that the footballs to be used in the tournament all have Chinese-made chips in them!

And the poor committee members spend a miserable half-hour one morning listening to the guy's rantings, which are by now going viral, which is a pity!

And later in the morning, things take a decided turn for the worse, when there's political intervention, and intervention at a pretty high level, which is another headache for the committee!

Amidst additional worrying, bottom-of-the-screen, fast-breaking newsflashes advising "weather warnings now in place across 9 states, as predicted forecasters make landfall", the poor Planning Committee members then have to spend another miserable hour digesting this new political bombshell and thinking up new ways of 'damage limitation'.

Apparently, President BLEEP wants FIFA to get rid of the Chinese chip, and replace it with an American chip, which, he says, "is far superior anyway".

Fortunately, says President BLEEP, there's one such 'far superior chip' manufactured by one of President BLEEP's own corporations, which suggests a ready-made, 'instant' solution in the eyes of some of the Committee members, at least!

But what madness!!!! And Lois and I are beginning to worry that this World Cup will never take place, certainly not at the rate the Committee's so-called "planning" is going!!!!

What a crazy world we live in!!!!

[That's enough madness! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!