Sunday March 8th 2026 "Friends, are YOU tall-to-tallish? Then watch out for men in white coats bearing huge bags haha!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU "tall"? Then keep an eye out for anybody in a white coat, particularly if he's carrying, like, a massive mosquito net, or just a big bag, even!!!

However, the "vibes" this morning for tall people the world over, I sense, are "vibrating" (!) much more calmly today, after the glorious victory of "height martyr" Duane Panovich in the US courts, as reported in Onion News this morning - see page 94!

Poor Panovich - how he suffered! And when my wife Lois and I read his story, here in rural, semi-skimmed Liphook, Hampshire today, it gives us a shudder of relief, to put it mildly, and particularly in my case (!). 

Why the relief? Well, we've invited our daughter Alison to "tea" tonight, plus husband Edward, and two of their three offspring, Rosalind (17) and local up-and-coming pop vocalist, Isaac (15). 

(left) our daughter Alison, plus husband Edward and teenage offspring Rosalind (17)

and Isaac (15), and (right) Isaac with his boy-girl-band New Horizon, now making waves locally

The family are (justly) famous locally, as a family of "shorties" - Edward comes from a long line of shorties. However, thanks to the input of genes from Yours Truly - I'm not a "human giraffe" exactly, but have traditionally always given my height as 5ft 10.5in (1.8m) - there's at least some hope for the future in both Rosalind and Isaac's case, which is a comfort!

Although Isaac's band New Horizon, disappointingly didn't win last night's Battle of the Bands contest at nearby Shottermill Working Men's Club, they are today the first act to be signed up for the Chiddstock Pop Festival this summer at local village Chiddingfold (Surrey), modelled on the famous, but sadly less successful Woodstock Festival in the States, so watch this space!

Let's just hope that Isaac's band "towers" over the competition this summer - no pun intended!!! 

[Why did you say it then! - Ed]

You can get some idea of Isaac's tallness from the photo of the family (see above) which I take today during their visit. I usually take pride in the fact that my genes have enabled Isaac to tower a bit over his parents, but today my pride is slightly dented by the realisation that I myself must have shrunk a couple of inches or so - what madness, isn't it! 

I thought it was only "really old people" who shrank, whereas I'm still a very lively 79-year-old, and, at least according to my wife Lois, "marvellous for my age".

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!

me at 79, approaching my 80th birthday later this month, but still,

according to reports, "marvellous for my age", which is nice to know!

Among other shock news that comes from Alison and family's visit today includes the fact that their eldest daughter Josie (19), who started a maths degree course at Durham last September has a new boyfriend, a fellow student up there - further details to follow, so watch this space! Also Rosalind (17) has just finished her mock A-Levels with top grades, and is pondering whether to accept an offer from Durham, or whether she'll accept the one from UCL London. Decisions, decisions !!!!

All in all, Lois and I revel in the family's visit this evening, and it perks us up no end. We were both feeling a bit tired earlier, after yet another busy day. And I suspect that, like typical giraffes - see Onion News infographic above (!), we had been looking a bit tired earlier on, and we've certainly been doing more than our fair share of grunting, to put it mildly!!!

This morning, I drive Lois to her church's Sunday Morning Meeting at nearby Petersfield, and there's also a lovely zoom today with our other daughter, Sarah, in Perth, Australia. We're tired when we come home, however, and, after a quick lunch, afternoon-in-bed time is severely rushed and curtailed (!). You see, we have to get up at 3pm, would you believe, to get ready for Alison and family's visit this evening, dusting, hoovering, cooking, laying the table for six, it never stops - what madness!!!

Busy busy busy! [You lazy so-and-sos, Colin! - Ed]

flashback to this morning: a zoom call with our other daughter Sarah, and

12-year-old twins Lily and Jessica, 9000 miles away in Perth, Australia

It's fascinating, if you have grandchildren, to speculate about what DNA is that Lois and I have bequeathed to them, as well as what we haven't (!). They recently started secondary school and are getting to know their new fellow-students. 

Lily is like us emotionally, but she's also into soccer (why ???? haha!), even qualifying for the school team, whereas Jessie is less like us emotionally but, she loves reading, which we can identify with, so there you have it. The story of human genetics in a nutshell!

20:00 DNA doesn't work out well, on a personal basis, for comedian Bill Bailey, however, as we see in the first programme of his new series on today's Vietnam, 50 years after the withdrawal of the Americans from Saigon.

Bill has a Welsh mother, just like I do, so when he sees some typical Vietnamese round fishing boats along the coast of Vietnam, he remembers how his Welsh ancestors used to use round coracles to fish, goin back to the early Bronze Age. 

And Bill gets the urge to "channel" [no pun intended!!!!] his Celtic DNA, in view of his mother's ancestors famous' love of the coracle since ancient times, and steps aboard one - bad decision, Bill haha!!!

Bill's DNA certainly wasn't working for him, when he tried stepping in one of these round Vietnamese fishing boats, however, during filming of his new series.

Poor Bill !!!! And maybe consider losing a few pounds before your next trip haha!

Lois and I didn't know that the reason the Vietnamese fish in these little round boats, was originally to avoid paying tax on them during the country's French colonial period.

What a truly crazy world we live in !!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!!

Saturday March 7th 2026 "Schoolteachers, eh! Did YOU have a 'special' one who really inspired you as a kid?"

Yes, Friends, think back to your schooldays! Did YOU have a teacher who really inspired you and you remember all your life?

Most of us did, didn't we! But then again there's the students at local high school Dunne's, who were all over the front pages of this morning's local Onion News for East Hampshire - you must have seen it!!! 

Poor Fenton !!!! And let's hope he manages to pass his A-Levels this year, despite his teachers, and obviously not because of them haha!!

Even in East Hampshire, there are some undoubted crime hot-spots, quite apart from the so-called "staff rooms" of our high schools, that's for sure! And the local police in nearby Petersfield are certainly kept busy dealing with the local schoolteachers, especially the middle-aged ones, and particularly on Saturday nights when they're out and about, "a bit the worse for drink" or just simply "on the pull", according to reports!

Crime hotspot Petersfield's hard-pressed police force, seen here in happier times, 

(left) with Mayor Crissey, and (right) with Town Crier Faye Thompson, seen here

with deputy Town Crier Martin Thompson, Faye's husband, known for his 

"strong arm" tactics with local 'pedagogues' - what madness, isn't it !!!!

Certainly, when my wife Lois and I drive 10 miles south from our home in semi-leafy Liphook, heading for Petersfield's notorious, crime-ridden "inner village" this morning, we're certainly keeping a wary eye open for local down-and-out teaching staff, and keeping a tight hold on our wallets and purses, that's for sure!

We're here to bring some of Lois's home-made cookies to her church's drop-in centre on the village's notorious "High Street", where church members operate a morning coffee-and-cake session on the first Saturday of every month. We make a habit of coming early when members are just "setting up". Local schoolteachers are notorious for getting up late on Saturdays, trying to "sleep off" their excesses on Friday nights, when they regularly "rampage through" the village's so-called "physic garden", uprooting herbs and other delicate plants. 

[Only joking by the way, if you're one of our hard-working local 'pedagogues' haha!]

us this Saturday morning, at Lois's church's "drop-in centre" in nearby

Petersfield, Hampshire, with time for a quick coffee, and a chat with church member Lesley

Since moving to this area back in January 2024, and with Lois deciding to help the drop-in centre out with her home-baking, we've made a habit of always taking a seat at the table in the window, to attract passers-by to call in, emboldened by our "wholesome and welcoming" appearance, allegedly (!). 

It hasn't worked yet, but then it's still early days haha!!!!

12:00 We drive back to our home in Liphook, a bit shell-shocked by having had to survive yet another "early start" this morning: we had to set out for Petersfield at the crack of 9:30am, would you believe! It's been total madness again today, but we compensate with an extra long afternoon in bed, only struggling out from the covers at 5pm, feeling marginally more refreshed, but otherwise still a bit bleary-eyed.

What a crazy world we "more active than average" and "marvellous for their age" pensioners live in, don't we !!!!! [You lazy so-and-sos, Colin! - Ed]

And, what's more, it's going to be another crazy day tomorrow, when, for Sunday tea, we're hosting our dear daughter Alison, plus husband Edward and two of their 3 teenage offspring, Rosalind (17) and Isaac (15). We're very much thinking of Isaac this evening, because he'll be singing vocals with his band New Horizon, performing at the local Haslemere Fringe Festival's "Battle of the Bands" tonight, as a "wild card" entry in the finals. Go Isaac!!!

Go Isaac! 

And no doubt we'll hear more, over "tea" tomorrow, about just how tonight's competition went.

20:00 And as Lois and I settle down on the couch to try and 'calm down and relax after another stressful day' (!), we're reminded that the UK's fractious schoolteachers aren't the only problem in today's world - unfortunately there are people in other professions who are queuing up to cause "headaches" and general "grief" to pensioners and other people just trying to live a quiet life, if they can just "catch a break", that is, thank you very much !!!

And what better way for Lois and me to relax, than with another re-run of the 1970's hit series "The Good Old Days", which recreated the world of the Edwardian music-hall, which is nice!

It's easy to be a pessimist, these days, but the fact is that, deep down, there's nothing fundamentally wrong with our world, as actress Peggy Mount reminds us in this heart-lifting blockbuster hit from the 1910s, "The World's All Right!", a thought which is a real tonic to Lois and me tonight!

Here Peggy even gets the audience to join in with her joyous rendition of the song's uplifting and life-affirming message, which is nice!

Kudos, Peggy, that's the spirit! And the song's heart-warming message certainly puts any minor "issues" we may have in today's world into proper perspective, doesn't it, which is nice! 

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzz!!!!!

Friday March 6th 2026 "Friends, look after YOUR feet, and, in your old age, your feet will look after you!!!"

Yes, Friends, make sure you look after YOUR feet - and the benefits will be legion, especially if you're old, as the luckless residents of this local nursing home have discovered to their cost, according to thsi morning's Onion News!

Yikes!!! And when the time comes - not too far away in my humble estimation (!) - for Yours Truly (and my wife Lois, a.k.a. Mrs Yours Truly) to move into one of these "establishments", remind us not to pick Heartland - it sound friendly from the name, but we're not so sure after reading this article, to put it mildly!!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

There's nothing says "You're OLD!" more than having to pay somebody to clip your toenails for you, is there, but once again Lois and I find out today that we've been let down by our local "toe-woman", a.k.a. Zoe, which is annoying. We had made an appointment with Zoe for a session today, but overnight - at midnight (!) - she sent us a text saying that her clinic was closing, possibly permanently, "with effect from today", would you believe!!!

This isn't the first time something like this has happened, either! 

In December Lois and I travelled the five miles from our home in Liphook, Hampshire, over the county line to Grayshott, Surrey for our last toenail-clipping appointment, only to find that Zoe had closed her clinic for a week without even telling her "patients". We had only found out about the closure when we arrived, getting the bad news from Kathy, the chiropractress - is that a word? [No! - Ed], i.e. the Kathy who shares the building with Zoe - what madness, wasn't it!!!!

(left) our toe-woman, Zoe, and (right) 'chiropractress' Kathy, 

who shares the building with Zoe

What's happening to all these young people, on whom, with no exaggeration, mine and Lois's total sanity and well-being so much depends!!! 

And this isn't today's only setback!

You see, Lois has another appointment today, this time with Anna, her hair-stylist, which fortunately goes ahead as planned, although Anna tells us she won't be able to cut and style Lois's hair for her next appointment, in May due to an upcoming operation (details not specified!), so Lois will have to have Zoe's partner, 'Iain with an extra "i" '.

What madness, isn't it !!!!

(above) Lois talking to hair stylist Anna, while Anna gets us our "coffee and biscuits";

(below, left) a packet of Anna's tempting biscuits lying there next to her hair-dryer,

(and below, right) me waiting in the so-called "husband-seat" - what madness !!!!

You just can't depend on the younger generation to help you out when you get old, that's for sure! It's a cruel world out there for us "crinklies", no doubt about that! 

So don't say you haven't been warned!!!!!

[Is that all you two 'noggins' have done today - sat in Anna's hairdressing salon for half an hour?!!! - Ed]

Well, no, actually, seeing as how you're so interested!

Lois has been busy baking a batch of around 60 smartie-laced cookies to take to her church's "Open Coffee Morning" tomorrow at their drop-in centre in nearby Petersfield, and, as for me, I've been busy "snitching" as many of the cookies as I can (as I put it!), for my own personal enjoyment, so you can't say I've been idle (!). Yum yum!!!!

How did we ever find the time to go to work, back in the old days haha!!!!

Lois showcasing the first batch (of the planned 60) smartie-laced cookies to take to her 

church's Open Coffee Morning tomorrow at their drop-in centre at nearby Petersfield

Busy busy busy haha!!!!

To compensate, however, I will confess that Lois and I also do spend quite a bit of time in bed, not just at night, but often in the afternoons too, and I often think we're like a couple of washed-up hippos - mainly me, I might add -  hurriedly (!) haha !!!!

So it's nice tonight to curl up on the sofa together and watch some real hippo couples in action, in the latest fascinating programme in naturalist Steve Backshall's new series "Hippo Watch".

Like hippos, Lois and I have often been described as "magnificent beasts" (see the Radio Times 'blurb' above (!)), so it'll be fascinating tonight to 'compare notes' with the real hippo couples in Steve Backshall's "pods" down near the town of St Lucia, in far-away South Africa, which will be nice!

naturalist Steve Backshall "getting down and dirty with the hippos"

in this new two-part series from St Lucia, in faraway South Africa

Lois and I didn't know that hippos spend 12 to 16 hours of each day submerged in water, in rivers and lakes etc. They have a common ancestor with whales, scientists believe. 

Don't think, however, that that means the hippos stay awake all that part of the day - like Lois and me they like their "kip" too, and they have a special reflex to enable them to sleep under water, which is mad!

Unlike Lois and me, however, hippo couples are herbivores and they also provide a service for other species by fertilising the plants of the African plains for other species to thrive on, by spraying their 'poo' around in the woods and bracken, something else Lois and I don't do, I'm ashamed to say! 

Call us selfish so-and-sos if you like haha!!!

Also, the fact that hippos like to feed on grass means that the African plains where they live all look neat and "trim" most of the time without the need for a groundsman. 

Memo to self: must tip off cash-strapped local soccer giants Liphook United's management team (ashen-faced Ron Knee (59)), to maybe keep a hippo on-site, to cut down on their maintenance expenses, do you think? 

There's plenty of mud for it to wallow around in, that's for sure!!!

flashback to one of mine and Lois's many trips to local soccer giants Liphook United's

"hallowed turf", where capacity crowds of up to 10 can watch in comfort 

in one of the ground's two 5-seater spectator stands - one fully weather-proofed,

the other pleasantly "air-conditioned" (!)

I wonder....!

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!