Tuesday May 5th 2026 "Have YOU ever had to host 'difficult' guests? Well, the good news is - 'Help is on the way!!!' !!!"

Yes, Friends, have you ever had to host difficult guests? We've all been there, haven't we!

According to Onion News, however, 'help is on the way', thanks to Coleman's, of all people, which is a welcome development, to put it mildly!!!! 

Kudos, Coleman's !!!!!

And reading the Onion story this morning, here in semi-transparent Liphook, Hampshire, brings a smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, that's for sure!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

We're laughing because item no. 1 on our to-do list for today is to buy a mattress, would you believe, but we're not going to go for a Coleman's SinkRest, you'll be glad to know! In a couple of months we'll be hosting our 48-year-old daughter Sarah, who'll be flying into London's Heathrow Airport from Perth, Australia, with husband Francis and their 12-year-old twin daughters Lily and Jessica.

flashback to 2021: (above) our daughter Sarah and husband Francis, and

(below) their twin daughters Lily and Jessica with the family's shiny new 16ft boat,

ready for launching on to the Swan River, just outside Perth, Australia

Francis, our son-in-law is "a martyr to his back", poor guy (!), and so today Lois and I, kind-hearted as ever (!), are ordering a 2 inch 'mattress topper' to make his nights a bit more comfortable, which will be a nice surprise for him. And we're also taking the opportunity to buy a second "Bingsta" armchair from Swedish furniture giant IKEA, so he'll be able to sit with the rest of us, and not be constantly scrambling on and off the floor, in our tiny living-room!

We're all heart haha!!!!!

(above) the adverts  one for a 'mattress topper' and one for a second IKEA Bingsta armchair 

the ads which seduced Lois and me into opening our wallets (!), and letting

the moths fly out haha (!), and (below) our first ever, and only, 'Bingsta' 

which Lois and I constantly fight each other to sit in - pure luxury !!!!!

As you can tell, this Tuesday is turning into another busy busy day for Lois and me, despite the fact that we've been retired for 20 years last month, would you believe!!!!

Somehow we also find the time to do a bit of work in our tiny garden, even, with me mowing, and Lois clipping the edges and 'excising' some of the, like, billion dandelions which keep popping up to plague us - no peace for the wicked haha !!!!

just another busy day for us - me mowing, and Lois 'trimming the edges'

especially on the 'difficult bit' between the little brick wall and the street

I don't mind mowing occasionally, because I think the sight of me out of the house, and out of my armchair (!), is a bit of a "turn-on" for the local housewives, who like to look out of their windows to watch a bit of prime 'beefcake' in high action! 

[??? - Ed[

And Lois doesn't mind, because she says that the housewife's life today must be so boring, with all the gadgets that nowadays take the strain out of so many of the daily chores, so that's a win-win!

In the latest programme in Michael Portillo's new series on Korean train journeys he visits the Samsung factory and sees some of the 'smart' gadgets now in so many 'smart' homes - oh dear!!!!

Here we see Michael at Samsung's being shown around a prototype 'smart' home by research manager Tae Lee:

Lee's 'home' now knows that he's arrived home, and automatically switches on the living-room light., so the curtains open, the blinds go up, and the lights come on as he walks inside. Then the TV comes on. And the devices all communicate with each other to minimise energy consumption.

Inside the fridge is a camera which will manage the contents, and it gives Lee a recipe recommendation based on the foods he likes. The new Samsung 'smart home' then helps you cook it. It tells the tap on the kitchen sink how much water to release for your packet of noodles, for example, if you scan in the label. And when you bring the pot over to the hob to cook, it will automatically set the right temperature for the pot to boil the water.

What madness !!!!!

And Lois is very "anti" all these electronic aids. She says that people will soon lose the ability to do anything at all! And what, she says, will people do, if there's a power cut, for example? 

What a crazy world we live in!!!!

But not everything the world does is crazy (even though it seems like sometimes!!!!!), as we learn from tonight's episode of "Susan Calman's Grand Days Out" on Channel 5.

Tonight we see the presenter, diminutive (four foot eleven!!!!) Scottish comedienne Susan Calman just outside Stoke-on-Trent, being shown around the Wedgwood Pottery Museum by a tall-to-tallish museum guide, and having to crane her neck a bit to talk to her, as she often does in this series (!), trying to find out more about Josiah Wedgwood the man.

Lois and I didn't know that iconic pottery manufacturer Josiah Wedgewood (1730-1795) was the first manufacturer to offer any dissatisfied customers a money-back guarantee on his products, and also the first to introduce "BOGOFF"s - "Buy one, get one free". 

He was also an enthusiastic supporter of the anti-slavery movement, which was gathering pace in Britain in the late 18th century. His contribution to the movement was to produce thousands of jasperware medallions, distributed for free, showing a recently enslaved man in chains, asking, "Am I not a man, and a brother?"

Sadly Josiah died far too early (1795) to see more than the first fruits of the eventual success of the anti-slavery campaign. 

Fascinating stuff, isn't it!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!

Monday May 4th 2026 "Have YOU ever been on a date with somebody REALLY old? It's more fun than you think haha!!!"

Yes, Friends, dates with an old 'relic' are constantly being offered at 'retro' auctions these days, aren't they! And there's one coming up very soon, according to Onion News, so check your bank balance - it could be the date of a lifetime, or the date of an 'era', or a 'period' even haha !!!!

An auction worth a 'bid' or two, isn't it! And, if you win, there'll be plenty to talk about on your 'date' - like, 66 million years of Earth events to catch up on, so clear your diary, and tell your family not to wait up for you haha!!!

And reading the Sotheby's story this morning, here in semi-Crustaceous Liphook, Hampshire, this morning, brings a smile to the rosy cheeks of me and my wife Lois, to put it mildly!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

We're used to going on dates with 'old relics' - i.e. each other (!), no question about that! But we don't have to take part in an auction to do that! Nobody else wants to date us, which is a comfort, to put it mildly!!!! 

Not so in the case of our son-in-law Edward's 'big boss', however, who recently won an auction for a luxurious spa weekend in Dorset, and invited Edward and our daughter Alison to join him and a few trusted work-colleagues to go along with him this last weekend, which was generous. And today we see some pictures of their complementary boat trip, sailing out of Poole Harbour and into the English Channel around the Isle of Wight.

Alison and Edward came back yesterday, suitably refreshed and pampered from their luxury spa break, but then had to 'come back down to earth' with a bang, having to work their socks on clearing out another greenhouse on their property - a crumbling Victorian mansion currently being 'refurbished' by builders. 

What madness!!!!

our daughter Alison and husband Edward's luxurious spa weekend and boat trip,

ending with having to 'work their socks off' clearing out an old greenhouse, would you believe!!!

Poor Alison and Edward !!!!!

By contrast to their 'luxury' weekend, however, Lois and I, Alison's old mum and dad (!), have to work our own socks off, without the benefit of any spa treatments, which is a shame! 

As usual, we don't have a minute's rest today, watering and weeding our tiny garden, going to bed for statutory afternoon nap time, and planning for our other daughter Sarah's visit to us, with her family, when they fly into London's Heathrow Airport from Perth, Australia next month. Busy busy busy!!!

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

for us, it's been just another 'busy busy busy' weekend, which is mad!

After a lot of closely-fought marital debate, we decide to order another 'Bingsta' armchair from IKEA, to expand our seating capacity, in case all 6 of us - ourselves, plus Sarah, husband Francis and their 12-year-old twin daughters, want to sit down together in our tiny living-room during their visit (!). 

flashback  to 2022: our little 'Australian family' - our daughter Sarah, 

husband Francis and their twin daughters Lily and Jessica, sailing their

boat around the estuary of the Swan River, with Perth's skyline in the distance

Also today, Lois and I order, like, a billion other things online, including a spongey mattress-topper to save poor Francis's back at night next month - poor Francis!!!! 

And if that weren't enough, somehow we even find time to email an application to join the local Liphook Heritage Society for Old Fuddy-Duddies, as well as writing a letter of complaint to our GP surgery over their slow, and confusing, prescription service, would you believe - typical 'old codger' stuff, I know !!!!!

But how did we ever find the time to go to work, back in the day!!!! [You lazy so-and-so's, Colin! - Ed]

flashback to March 2006 - my 60th birthday, the day we both retired

- little did we know how busy life was suddenly going to become !!!!!

Busy as we are, however, we can't match the record of fellow-retiree and Maggie Thatcher's old Cabinet Minister, Michael Portillo, who's continuing to showcase his celebrity travelogue railway journeys, sometimes in more than country at a time - working his socks off, both for the BBC and for Channel Five, which must help his bank balance! But how long before he meets himself coming back the other way, we ask ourselves!!!!!

Poor Michael !!!! Off to South Korea, now, when he only just finished a 15 part series on Japan three days ago! What madness, isn't it !!!!!

Starting his South Korean journeys at the DMZ, the demilitarised zone bordering the communist North, Michael drops in on the BBC's radio service to North Korea. 

With no independent media allowed inside North Korea, the BBC World Service, based in Seoul, broadcasts Korean language radio programmes, which, despite being banned by the regime in the North, can be secretly received in the north. Unlike TV and internet, reception of a radio programme can't be detected by the authorities up there.

In tonight's programme, Michael talks to Woongbee Lee, the station's news editor.

Michael asks Woongbee about the history of the BBC World Service in Korea, which in fact only goes back less than 10 years.

The BBC can't however, just give the North Koreans the news straight, like they would to an audience in the UK.

Lois and I hadn't realised that, given that the North Koreans have lacked any solid, impartial information about the world for the incredible time period of 70 years plus, it means that the BBC have to explain a lot of extremely basic facts about world events. Because they're talking to an audience that has been living a fantasy life, in total ignorance of realities for such an incredibly long period of time.

And tonight, after talking to a brave North Korean refugee dissident, and then returning to the bustling streets of Seoul, Michael makes this impassioned statement from his own perspective:

Kudos, Michael! And let's never forget how lucky we are, here in the UK, when so much of the world is under the thumb of power-crazed billionaires, who stifle dissent and regard themselves as being above the law, mainly interested in making money for themselves, for their families and for their 'cronies' !

Come back, Keir Starmer, all is forgiven haha!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!