Tuesday November 3rd 2026 "I bet YOU feel tired today, don't you! I THOUGHT I caught you yawning just now!!!"

Yes, Friends, I think the whole of the UK is exhausted today after a busy Monday on top of a manic weekend! Am I right? Or am I right!!!!

And, as per usual, popular tabloid Onion News has caught the mood of the nation, to judge from its big lead stories this Tuesday morning!!!

And these stories, and the, like, billion others in the same vein - more, probably! - certainly bring a wink of recognition to the eyes of me and my wife Lois this morning, as we take our near-daily walk here in semi-pictorial Liphook, Hampshire, no doubt about that!!!

Yes, we too have caught the mood of the nation, and are feeling totally exhausted - no surprise there, with our busy schedule, despite having been retired for 20 years, which is mad! And even the trees around the 'hallowed turf' of local Hampshire Premier League heroes Liphook United, are trying to tell us, we feel, that they've simply "had enough" (!), and are busy shedding their leaves for winter, like this gorgeous semi-red, so-called "Northern European pin-oak" (quercus palustris). 

Poor pin-oak haha!!!!! 

Lois and I this morning, taking our near-daily walk over the "hallowed turf" of local

soccer heroes, Liphook United, stopping to gaze at the fallen leaves of a local

"pin oak", as identified by my phone's handy "plantnet" app, which is illuminating!!!!

Yes, all over the UK today, trees are shedding their leaves for winter.

And not only that but the nation's stable-boys, exhausted or not (!), are all shedding their bodices, to judge by today's Onion News - see headlines above! 

Disappointingly for Lois, however, this year's reimagining of the late Jilly Cooper's classic stable-boy-bodice-ripper "The Rivals" is on a pay-channel this year, a channel that we're both too "tight" to fork out the money for, so no joy there! 

Only joking, of course, about Lois being "disappointed"! Me taking my scarf and overcoat off is enough stimulation for both of us, and more than enough physical exercise - well, we are 80, you know, although we look much younger, of course !!!  [I'd like signed witness statements before I let you repeat that old 'chestnut', Colin, no pun intended! - Ed]

But only joking (again, again!!!!), However, certainly, like the rest of the UK, we ARE totally exhausted, and "yawning our heads off" today, and you'll know why, because probably, like us, didn't YOU have a busy Saturday getting ready for the trick-or-treaters, then, a busy Sunday preparing to host a dinner for YOUR close relatives, followed by YOUR Monday fortnightly Latin class????

Am I right? Or am I right!!!!

[No, no, and no! - Ed]

flashback to our busy 'long weekend' of frenzy : Friday getting ready for over a 100

trick-or-treaters, would you believe - the young scamps!!!..... followed by Sunday

hosting a meal for our daughter Alison and family, followed by preparation

for our taxing Monday morning Latin class. What madness !!!!

No wonder our neighbours have dubbed Lois and me "possibly Liphook's busiest-looking couple" (!) - it's been total mayhem, and "in spades" !!!!!

Certainly, totally exhausted this Tuesday morning, we don't manage much at all today, other than our near-daily walk and an afternoon in bed for "statutory nap-time", to put it mildly!!! [So what's new, Colin! - Ed]

We also somehow find the time to finish booking our theatre tickets for next Monday's production of two plays written by my baby sister Gill, to be performed at one of London's top "fringe theatres", which will be nice! The plays will be performed by the female-led troupe Yellow Coat Theatre Company - slogan "Of course I'm hot...I'm 50!".

(left) Yellow Coat - the theatre company putting on the plays, and (right)

my "baby-sister" Gill (68!), with two members of the company

The tickets turn out to be a "snip" at only £10.50 a head, for each play, plus a £5 voluntary donation, which isn't bad, considering it's London! Here's the receipt for one of the plays, if you need proof! And maybe we'll see you there!

However, people in Hungary aren't so lucky with the price of their "cultural evenings", however, as I find out today in an email from my Hungarian friend, Tunde. Seats at Budapest's prestigious Operahaz Theatre can cost up to (almost!) a whopping £200 a piece, or 60,000 forints, according to today's article in the Hungarian online magazine "Femina".

Lois and I visited Hungary several times in the 1990's and 2000's, when I was learning the language, and we know that these crazy prices are going to be a blow to the many Hungarians, for whom a visit to the theatre to see the "Nutcracker" ballet is a deeply cherished holiday tradition. 

flashback to 1998: preparing for our last night in our rented

room in Budapest on one of our many visits to the city

You may have heard the Hungarian proverb, "Christmas just ain't Christmas without the Nutcracker!". 

No?

But "Colin, who can afford to pay up to £200 a head for a ticket?", I hear you cry! 

Well, here's the story in "Femina" this morning, in which the Opera House director puts up a spirited defence of his ticket-pricing strategy, citing the costs of putting on a world-class production these days.

However, Tunde, my penfriend, laments, in her email, how it used to be ridiculously cheap to go to the opera or the ballet, even in the capital, Budapest, and Lois and I remember, during our many visits to the city, paying prices like £5 a head, or even less, to see prestigious productions there.

flashback to 2002: (left) Lois (then 56) with Tunde, our Hungarian penfriend, when we visited

her Budapest flat, and (right) the lovely Union Jack cake she baked in our honour

But what a truly crazy world we live in !!!!

21:00 And, for Lois and me, there's even more madness on TV tonight, as we find out from the first programme in the welcome pre-winter return of "QI" - the knowledge-based comedy quiz on BBC2, chaired by the UK's favourite Dane, Sandi Toksvig.

So... here's a question for you! Where do most of the microplastics in our bodies come from? 

A lot of people think it's from our food, especially seafood, because of all the plastic rubbish in the oceans, that wind up inside the world's fish population. 

But no! Some of them do come from our fish-meals, as Sandi explains, but this is not the majority source, as Sandi explains. Many many more come from random things in our houses and from the things we wear. And we breathe all this stuff in, which is weird!

And, while sea-food is an obvious source for scientists to test, there are actually no more microplastics in fish than there are in other foods, such as salt, chicken, honey etc - you name it!

Panellist and TV presenter Gyles Brandreth wants to know if eating plastic is bad for us, which is a fair enough question to ask!

And, apparently, according to Sandi, some people are beginning to think that the fear of ingesting microplastics has been overblown, and that we should worry less about it. It is now everywhere, it's in human blood, it's in brains.

It's even in sperm, would you believe, which is weird, but panellist and London-based US comedienne Desiree Burch, "her in the big yellow dress" (!), puts a positive spin on this little-known fact for Sandi, which is a nice touch!

I wonder.....!

But what a crazy world we live in!! [You've done that one already, Colin . Just saying! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!!

Monday November 2nd 2026 "Have YOU been to the cinema or theatre recently? Then why didn't you invite ME haha!!!"

Yes, Friends, have YOU been to the cinema or theatre recently? Well, tell me, would it have hurt to have asked Yours Truly to come along, paid for an extra ticket, and let some of those moths fly out of your wallet? 

Examine your conscience haha !!!!

typical moths flying out from some "tightwad's" wallet !!!!

Certainly, there's a lot going on in local theatres and cinemas these days, and Onion News have at last today acknowledged that fact by debuting their shiny new pull-out-and-use-for-kindling Theatre News Colour Supplement, to put it mildly!!!! Just feast your eyes on these "doozies" from their inaugural issue!!

What madness, isn't it !!!! But these are just the kind of headlines to bring a vapid smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, here in semi-aquatic Liphook, Surrey - and that's a "given" !!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

And we're laughing because today we "took the plunge", and booked two seats at a "fringe" London theatre to see two plays written by my "baby sister" Gill, which is exciting! We'll be travelling by train into central London - "yikes, scary!!!" -  in company with our daughter Alison, who lives in nearby Headley, with husband Edward and their 3 teenage offspring.

(left) Yellow Coat - the theatre company putting on the plays, and (right)

my "baby-sister" Gill (68!), with two members of the company

Lois and I haven't been to a London theatre performance since the early 1970's, just before we got married, when we saw a performance of Hair the Musical, featuring full frontal nudity in the name of "Peace and Love", which was a shock, to put it mildly! 

We had foolishly booked two seats in the front stalls, which made it, like, a billion times worse - "worser" probably!!! 

But what madness!!!! 

flashback to the early 1970's: Hair the Musical - with the cast 

displaying their all to the audience, all in the name of "Peace and Love" (!)

 - what madness, wasn't it !!!!

At time of writing, we don't think there's any nudity in either of Gill's two plays, but - memo to self! - we must check with her again before we go (!). We can always pack our old airliner "sleep masks", if there's any doubt!

You see, I think Gill has left room for "adlibbing" by the talented Yellow Coat Theatre players performing her plays, so an impromptu "strip-tease" can't perhaps be totally ruled out, perhaps, so better safe than sorry, maybe?

I wonder.... !!!!

09:30 Otherwise today is yet another busy day for Lois and me, because, "for our sins" (!), we're both members of the local U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, run by retired local schoolteacher Joe, with meetings taking place in Joe's own comfortable. and nicely-furnished, retirement flat in a gated complex in nearby Haslemere, just over the county line in Surrey.

us with fellow "old codgers", in local retired schoolteacher Joe's comfortable

retirement flat sitting-room, all trying to master "Intermediate Latin", which is mad!

Our little group is currently studying Roman poet Vergil's account of the Greek Army's long siege of the enemy city of Troy, in his epic poem "The Aeneid". 

After 10 fruitless years surrounding and besieging Troy, the Greeks eventually hit on the idea of building a giant wooden horse, secretly concealing armed warriors inside it. The plan was to persuade the Trojans to pull the great wooden horse into the city, after which the concealed warriors would creep out in the dead of night, and open the city gates to their Greek comrades, thus paving the way for a Greek victory in the long war.

As the Greeks said to each other at the time, "Yes, it is a crazy plan, but it might just work!", and guess what, it did! And the rest is history, as we know!

But there's something weird here! Because, in the extract from the poem that our little group is reading this Monday morning, we can't help noticing that one of the lines is unfinished, which is a surprise! 

Vergil managed to write the two words, "disce omnes" but then the rest of the line is totally blank, which is totally weird!

a portion of Roman poet Vergil's epic poem "The Aeneid", with its

mysterious, half-finished line, "disce omnes", which Vergil

never got round to "tidying up", which was a pity!

It's a line where, it's assumed, Vergil ran out of ideas, leaving the line unfinished, hoping to get back to it later, we imagine. 

And our group-leader, Joe, reminds us that Vergil never completely finished the poem, and even asked his family to burn the manuscript after he was dead. However, the Emperor of Rome at the time, Augustus, forbade Vergil's family from burning it. 

However, luckily, perhaps, for subsequent generations, Augustus, like many "supreme leaders" (!), was also a bit of a narcissist, and was very anxious that the poem be preserved for posterity, because it painted him, the Emperor, in a specially good light, which was mad!

11:00 The class ends, as Joe, our teacher, has arranged to take his young granddaughter to see the latest remake of a film about the Trojan War, and its aftermath - Christoher Nolan's "The Odyssey", which is kind of appropriate.

14:00 However, as for Lois and me, after getting home, and taking our usual afternoon nap (!), we spend some time trying to finish the that mysterious 'unfinished' line, on Vergil's behalf, which is a bit mad!

Lois and me try to finish the 'unfinished' line in Roman poet Vergil's

epic poem "The Aeneid", all about the Trojan War

After some thought, we decide the 'unfinished' line would be the perfect place for a tasteful advert to be included in the poem, so we suggest filling the gap with the words "But now a word from our very distinguished sponsor...", Latin: "sed nunc, sponsor tam nobilis inquit"....

We've also thought of a suitable advert to include, would you believe! We're not sure what companies were around in Vergil's day, but the oldest jingle we can remember is the famous "Pepsodent" jingle from the 1950's, which we used to hear when Lois and I were very young children: "You'll wonder where the yellow went, when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent". 

Sheer genius, and "Kudos, that ad firm, whatever it was!", to put it mildly!

flashback to the 1950's: (left) me with my baby brother Steve and our mum and dad,

(centre) Lois outside her parents' "prefab", and (right) a 1950's Pepsodent advert

After much thought, we've come up with our wording, I can now (exclusively) reveal! 

Our provisional Latin version for the advert goes: "Miraberis quo flavus color abierit, cum dentes Pepsodente purgaveris", although, naturally, we'll have to work a bit on getting the "metre" right, which is mad !!!!!

I wonder.....!

But your suggestions welcome - postcards only!!!!

[That's enough whimsy! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!

Sunday November 1st 2026 "There's always SOMETHING happening in the world of fish, isn't there - my 'codness' !!!!"

Yes, Friends, there's never a dull day, when you're a fish, as you'll know if you've ever chatted to one, perhaps when taking a swim in the sea, or even a lake or a babbling brook, even!

And thank heavens, at last our wonderful press has acknowledged that fact - not before time (!), with the publication of Onion News's first-ever pull-out-and-throw-away full colour "Fish News Supplement", free with every copy of their regular Sunday paper, which is nice! And here's Colin's pick of today's "doozies" from their inaugural edition, to save you precious time, if you're in a rush!!!

A little bit over the top, perhaps, ro put  it mildly (!), but these stories - and others in the same vein - bring a cheery hint of a smile to the faces of me and my wife in semi-lovely Liphook, Hampshire, as we sit waiting for the Sunday Morning Meeting to begin, at her church in nearby Petersfield, and later, when we're back home, chatting on zoom with our daughter Sarah, who lives in Perth, Australia with husband Francis and their 13-year-old twin daughters Lily and Jessica - no question about that!

(above) Lois and me, waiting for the Sunday Morning Meeting to begin, this morning,

and (below) chatting on zoom with our daughter Sarah in Perth, Australia

It's just a short "zoom" with Sarah and the twins this morning - although it's 12:45pm in the UK, it's a crazy 8:45pm in Western Australia. Our clocks in the UK went back an hour last weekend, so there's now a whopping 8-hour time difference, because Western Australia "don't do" daylight saving, which is mad! 

For the twins it's nearly bedtime and Sarah's also tired, because the Perth heating firm for which she's chief accountant has come under criticism for importing their components from China, thus allegedly putting lots of Aussies out of a job, if you please! And poor Sarah has had to spend time collating stats to make the case for "buying Chinese", which is totally mad! Plus, she's still doing her old job in Evesham UK, working online, which is totally mad too!!!

our daughter ,"Two jobs" Sarah, (1)  (2nd from right) with colleagues 

in Evesham, Worcestershire UK and (2) leaving her then office in Australia

when Lois and I picked her up there at 5pm on our 2018 trip down under

The family lives on the coast north of Perth, just 5 minutes walk away from the beach and the Indian Ocean, so they have plenty of fresh fish in their diet, which is nice!

(left) one of the northern suburbs of Perth, Australia, where our daughter Sarah

and family live, and (right) the steep climb up to their house from the roadway

17:00 And later in the day, Lois and I put on a dinner for our other daughter, Alison, plus husband Edward and their youngest offspring Isaac (16), who has, literally just 2 days ago, arrived back from China, after a 10-day study trip to Xiamen in South China with a dozen or so fellow sixth formers from the local Bohunt High School here in Liphook, all just starting to study Mandarin Chinese as one of their A-Level subjects, would you believe - the young scamps!

And tonight Isaac presents us with a handy souvenir fridge magnet of Xiamen, and shows us the group photo of him and his fellow "rascals", in their borrowed Chinese school uniforms, together with their new local Chinese counterparts, all looking very smart!

(above, left) Lois showcasing the colour Xiamen fridge magnet which Isaac presents

to us tonight, and (above right) Isaac showcasing for us the official group presentation

photo of the English students with their Chinese counterparts

Xiamen is on the coast so, like Perth, there's plenty of fish on the menu there too, which is nice! Isaac's main complaint, however, is that the Chinese eat unsuitable things for breakfast - e.g. spaghetti or rice, for example. For 10 days poor Isaac hasn't had any breakfast cereals, such as Coco Pops for example, which is mad, and Lois and I remember how it was much the same in Japan. 

I spent a study year in Tokyo in 1970-1971, and Lois came out to spend 3 weeks with me in the spring of 1971, the year before we got married. 

us in Japan, when Lois came out to stay with me during my study year 1970-71,

(left) by Lake Kawaguchi near Tokyo, and (right) half way up Mt Fuji

We certainly had plenty of fish while Lois was there with me, including the much-feared (by Westerners!) 'sashimi' which is totally raw fish, and absolutely "bonkers" into the bargain!

photos taken at our hillside retreat, where opted for a "normal" breakfast

including cereal, toast and a nice cup of tea, which was a relief!

The fish is also seen as a fertility symbol in Japan (we're not sure why!!!), and Lois was fortunate enough to experience the Japanese "Boys Day" holiday with me, when you could hardly walk down the street without a big fish-ballooon flapping in your face, which was annoying to put it mildly !!!!!

(left) we enjoy another "normal" breakfast of toast and cereal, plus bacon-and-eggs

 at Tokyo's prestigious Dai-ichi Hotel, and (right) us trying to avoid the fish flapping in our faces,

 on "Boys Day", where the fish is celebrated as a fertility symbol, would you believe!

What a madness it all was, wasn't it!

18:00 Lois and I like fish, but we wouldn't want it every day, that's for sure! And certainly it isn't on the menu tonight when we sit down to dinner with young Isaac, and his mum - our daughter Alison - and his dad Edward, for a nice pork-based meal, with a nut roast for Alison, who's a vegetarian.

Lois and I sit down tonight with our daughter Alison, our son-in-law Edward, and the youngest of

their 3 offspring Isaac (16) enjoying a ham-based dinner with roast potatoes, roast parsnips,

Brussels sprouts, and Yorkshire Pudding, cooked by Lois, plus white wine - yum yum!

What's not to like haha !!!!

21:00 After our guests depart for their home in nearby Headley, Hampshire, the subject of fish returns (to haunt us!) as we watch the second programme in Bob Mortimer and Paul Whitehouse's new series of "Gone Fishing".

We get some fascinating information tonight about how to catch, for instance, bream, even "tench", which sounds like a made-up name, but Lois and I google it later, and it's 100% genuine, would you believe, which is mad!

We also like this series for Bob and Paul's reflections on ageing. On the day of filming, it was Paul's 68th birthday, and they get to wondering how birds get on, when they 'get on' - no pun intended !!!!

Haha!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzz!!!!!