Monday April 20th 2026 "Do YOU get bothered by so-called 'health warnings'? They're a bit worrying sometimes, aren't they!"

Yes, Friends, do YOU get worried by the 'health warnings' which we seem to see on everything everywhere these days?!!!

Well, cheer up, because one local man is taking action, according to today's local Onion News for East Hampshire - it's all over page 94, you would not believe!!!!!

Poor Fisher !!!! And, certainly, once you make that crucial decision in your life, and start to eat healthier, it's hard to stop isn't it haha!!!!

Fisher's story, however, puts a spring in the step of me and my wife Lois on lovely spring morning - no pun intended!!! - here in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, no doubt about that!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

And by coincidence, Lois and I find ourselves this morning in the "Free From" section of our local Sainsbury's supermarket, which is a novelty, to put it mildly!

"But why are you searching for healthy foods today, Colin? That's not like you two 'noggins' !", I hear you cry!

a typical Sainsbury's 'free from' aisle of super-healthy food

Well, there's a complicated reason for our little 'expedition' to Sainsbury's today, no doubt about that! You see, it's today that will mark the long-awaited resumption of the course of "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group lessons we're both taking. The meetings are finally resuming after a gap of 4 months caused by our Intermediate Latin teacher Joe's recent operation. And Joe has said that at the end of today's meeting, which, unusually, will be at his flat, he's going to provide tea and cake for our little group, which is nice!

Joe, leader of the "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, which

Lois and I belong to, seen here in happier times, before his operation

Poor Joe, bless him (!), seems to think Lois is 'gluten-intolerant', which she isn't. And he's asked her to bring some gluten-free cake and milk with her for today's group meeting, both for herself and for fellow-group-member Marcia, who happens to be genuinely gluten-intolerant. And because Lois and I are kindly souls underneath it all (!), and don't want to upset or worry Joe after his recent operation, we've agreed to pop into Sainsbury's this morning to pick up two portions of these healthy choices. But what madness, isn't it!! 

"Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive", as Sir Walter Scott once said - often thought to be a Shakespeare quote, which must be annoying for Walter! [He died in 1832, Colin, so I don't suppose he's that bothered now - just saying! - Ed]

we pop into Sainsbury's this morning to get some gluten-free 'goodies'

because our Intermediate Latin teacher Joe thinks Lois is gluten-intolerant

- what madness!!!!

We're in a bit of a bad mood this morning anyway, because it's our first time of buying petrol since the start of the latest Middle East crisis, with predictable consequences for prices 'at the pump' (!).

Yikes !!!!!

we stop to fill up at the Sainsbury's petrol station, and for the

first time since the current Middle East crisis began - yikes!!!

Yikes! It's £1.569 a litre - which for two old codgers like Lois and me, translates to about £7 an imperial gallon, would you believe!

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

And it turns out that it's all been a waste of time buying all that 'healthy' food. When we get to Joe's class we find that gluten-intolerant fellow group-member Marcia "doesn't need gluten-free milk for her tea, and she doesn't like the gluten-free cakes we bought her, because they're "too sweet". 

What utter madness !!!!!

[That's enough moaning! - Ed]

12:30 After all that madness (!), Joe's actual "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group meeting passes off peacefully today, here at Joe's stylish flat in nearby Haslemere today, just over the county line in Surrey.

the scene in Joe's flat today in Haslemere, Surrey, for the meeting of Joe's

"Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group: (left) group secretary Ann 

(partly out of shot), Joe, Barbara and Brian, and (right) Marcia, Lois and me

The flat still shows sings of left-overs from Joe's recent 85th birthday, with an '8' balloon and a '5' balloon hanging in the window, but hung in the wrong order, so that it looks like he's only 58 - what madness! And there's a champagne-bottle balloon hanging menacingly from the ceiling right over Marcia's head - yikes!!!

I thought I had become the oldest man in the world last month when I turned 80, and I had even been thinking of writing to the Guinness Book of Records, but, since then, I've realised that there are loads of people older than that, like, a billion of them, some of them much much older - almost everybody I've met since then, actually, which is totally mad!!!!

flashback to last month: my 80th birthday, when I became (or so I thought!!!)

the oldest man in the world, and had even googled the phone number

of the Guinness Book of World Records, would you believe!!!!

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

[That's enough madness for today! - Ed]

In Japan, however there are even people older than 85, would you believe, as we learn from the latest programme in ex-cabinet minister Michael Portillo's current series about his international train travels, to put it mildly!

In tonight's programme, we see Michael board one of Japanese Railways' "themed trains". He's currently in Japan's "Satsuma Peninsula",  and is in fact going to be travelling on a "fairy tale-themed" train.

And this particular "fairy tale" train celebrates a story that all Japanese children learn. It's all about a local fisherman called Urashima Taro, from the Satsuma Peninsula. In the story, Urashima saves the life of a turtle, and the turtle in gratitude invites him to get on its back and go under the waves to the palace of a dragon. 

Japanese fisherman Urashima Taro, on the back of a grateful

turtle, who takes him under the waves to the Palace of a dragon

In the underwater palace Urashima has lots of nice adventures, and he also gets the chance to 'hook up' with a lovely princess, which is a bonus!

Eventually, however, Urashima gets homesick, and he sets off for his home village again, but before he goes, the princess gives him a box, which she tells him not to open.

However, Urashima's in for a nasty surprise when he gets back to his village, because everything there had changed.

And the moral of the story, Japanese children are told, is that you can't cheat time - yikes, that's certainly true!

But there's another lesson here too, isn't there. And I wonder if I myself, somewhere along the line, saved a turtle, met a princess in an underwater palace, and got given a mystery box, which I then thoughtlessly opened. I don't remember it happening, but then I don't remember a lot of things these days!!! 

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

Certainly the results would have been what happened to poor old Japanese fisherman Urashima, because it's mysteriously happened to me too, at least as regards the white hair, and all that stuff!

I wonder....!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!

Sunday April 19th 2026 "Do YOU like watching your garden birds, while not taking it to extremes?"

Yes, Friends, do YOU like watching your garden birds, but not take that to the extremes, like some of your crazy neighbours probably do?

Well, join the club! And there's a local man I'd like to introduce you to. His face is all over this morning's local Onion News for East Hampshire, so you may already have the basics of his story, to put it mildly!!!

Poor Edgar!!!!

And even if you don't live in East Hampshire, like Edgar, you'll probably recognise his name, because, on an admittedly 'slow news day', Edgar's somewhat tetchy outburst was quickly picked up by 'the nationals', like the Times and Telegraph, and even led the BBC World Service led on the story its early bulletins, would you believe!

the scene most mornings at the studios of the BBC World Service, 

which led on Edgar's story today in its early bulletins

Fame at last, Edgar haha !!!!

Edgar's story even brought a rare smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois today, although that's a postscript the papers didn't pick up on, which is perhaps just as well !!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

We're laughing because, just today, at lunchtime, we've had another zoom video call with our daughter Sarah, who lives 9000 miles away from us in Perth, Australia, with husband Francis and their 12-year-old twins Lily and Jessica.

And, by coincidence, Sarah and family had had just about enough of bird-watching at their home in Perth's northern suburbs, to put it mildly!!!! 

at lunchtime today, Lois and I have our usual Sunday "catch-up" video call

with our daughter Sarah, husband Francis and their 12-year old twins

Lois and I are anxious to hear the latest news about the vicious gangs of neighbourhood crows that have been 'making mincemeat' out of the shiny new turf that Francis started laying last summer. 

Although family members take turns to be 'lookout guy' and raise the alarm when the crows descend (literally!) on their lawn, the crows apparently have their own 'lookout guy' who alerts the others when there's an unexpected absence of 'guards'. They know when Francis takes a shower, for example, and they've become able to recognise the family car when it approaches the property after a routine family outing to the coast or wildlife park, perhaps.

flashback to last summer: the rightmost picture catches Francis

starting to lay his now-doomed turf - poor Francis !!!!

Francis says the crows have now acquired the skill of 'unrolling' a complete roll of turf, to make it easier to search for the weird antipodean beetles that they seem to find so delicious. 

I somewhat mischievously ask Francis if the crows at least 'stack' the rolls of turf after use, but he says no, which seems incredibly 'shabby' to put it mildly, although it elicits a laugh from the twins, which is nice!

our 12-year-old 'Australian' twin granddaughters, Lily and Jessica

Francis wants the twins to practise their Japanese on me. They recently began first year of grammar school in Perth's northern suburbs, and have made a start on this difficult language. 

'For my sins' (!), I studied for a degree in Japanese, like, a billion years ago - more probably! And midway through my course, I flew to Japan from London's Heathrow Airport, only my second time ever on a plane, and I spent a study year in Japan 1970-71, living with a Japanese family in Tokyo, and going to a college there.

flashback to 1970: (left) the photo I took at Anchorage, Alaska, en route to a study year 

in Japan, only the second time I'd ever been up in a plane, and and (right) 

my first venture into the complexities of Tokyo's suburban railway system (!)

This morning, I get the twins to do some practice conversations with me in Japanese, in various contexts: in a shop, on the public transport system, visiting the doctor - all the standard 'phrase book situations'.

So far the twins only know two expressions, hello and goodbye (konnichi wa and sayonara) so my conversations with them unavoidably lack real 'depth', to a certain extent, but it's a start! As Confucius said, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step", so watch this space!

I like to try and make them laugh in my 'old codger' way, and they're amused when I tell them of 'the mystery of the missing communion wine', that Lois and I uncovered at her church's Sunday Morning Meeting earlier today.

It was Lois's turn to provide the bread for this morning's breaking-of-bread service, but on arrival at the village hall near Petersfield this morning, where services are held, she discovered in the kitchen that the bottles of communion wine had all disappeared, and had disappeared from a locked cupboard, which made it even more mysterious.

flashback to this morning: (left) the scene in the kitchen when Lois and Chief Elder

Richard's wife Glenys discover the mystery of the missing communion wine,

and (right) Lois and me waiting for the meeting to begin, with other church-members

including noted archaeologist Graham, friend of TV's Alice Roberts and Raksha Dave

Yes, 'The Missing Communion Wine'! 

Surely, a case for Sherlock Holmes, or some other 'master detective', no doubt about that! In the meantime, however, poor Glenys, wife of Chief Elder Richard, had to nip out to Waitrose to get another bottle before the meeting began. But what madness!!!!

There was happier news after the meeting, however, when church-member Ann reminded us about the group visit, in 10 days' time, to Milestones Museum at Basingstoke with its 'oldy-worldy' displays of Victorian streets and shops etc, and giving details of the yummy museum cafe lunch menu, which cheered everybody up, to put it mildly!!!

(above) the Milestones Museum at Basingstoke, with its 'oldy-worldy' 

displays of Victorian streets and shops etc, and (below) a typical

lunchtime menu at the museum's 'Rooftops' cafe

What's not to like haha!!

But for Lois and me, what a day! How did we ever find the time to go to work, back in the day!!!!

[You lazy so-and-so's, Colin! - Ed]

21:00 We need something relaxing to go to bed on tonight, that's for sure! And what better than a special edition of Antiques Roadshow, devoted particularly to 'royal' souvenirs, one of a raft of TV programmes this weekend to mark the centenary our late Queen Elizabeth II's birth, back in 1926.

Lois and I didn't know that the sculpture of the Queen by Arnold Machin, has turned out to be one of the most reproduced images ever, running into billions, because the Queen's head was used on 4p stamp, and other stamps,  in Canada and New Zealand, for example, and other Commonwealth countries around the world.

The early feedback from the Palace to Machine's suggested design wasn't favourable, however, as these two women involved in the project explain.

Oh dear! Could they get the Queen to pose for the portrait again? No, apparently - well, queens are busy people after all, a bit like Lois and me, or even more so possibly!!!!

There was also the problem of the little bit of the dress that would have shown from the dress that the Queen would have been wearing.

So, on this iconic stamp, these women's mother contributed the shoulders, and their grandmother provided the bit of old curtain that's draped around them.

What a crazy country we live in!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!