Monday, September 21st 2026 "Friends, are YOU just totally exhausted? Well, join the club haha!!!!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU feeling what people call "exhausted"? If you are, well join the club!!

I think possibly everybody in Britain has had a busy weekend, and are all feeling 'rubbish' this Monday morning! At least that's the impression I get from glancing briefly at my printed copy of Onion News today! The whole nation is "dead on its feet", seemingly, and, as a feeling, that's pretty much universal today, which is mad !!!!

It's almost an epidemic, isn't it - and like yawning, it's very catching! At least that's what my wife Lois and I are feeling as we scan today's headlines before somewhat wearily starting our day, here in semi-picturesque Liphook, Hampshire - no question about that!!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

But let me put my cards on the table at this point. Lois and I have just spent a joyous, but also exhausting, weekend, happily celebrating the wedding of my niece Lucy to her fiancee Rosanna in Ipswich, Suffolk, in the company of, like, a billion other wedding guests - more probably! 

And up till last night we were bubbling over, and feeling deliriously excited, but this morning, we are realising just how tired we are, which is fair enough - well we are 80, you know, although we look like we're in our twenties,  neighbours tell us - and no, they aren't just being "ironic", if that's what you're suggesting by your dubious expression !!!

flashback to the weekend: (left) the happy couple, my niece Lucy and fiancee Rosanna

on the steps of the Ipswich County Library, where they got married on Saturday,

and (right) Lois and me ending the joyous day with a quick drink at the bar

Now, however, it's Monday morning, and Lois and I have a Latin class to go to, would you believe, which is mad!  No peace for the wicked !!!!!!

You see, "for our sins", we're both members of local retired schoolmaster Joe's U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, which is holding its fortnightly meeting in Haslemere, Surrey, this morning, so we soon find ourselves plunged into Roman poet Virgil's Aeneid, all about the foundation of Rome by Trojan war veteran Aeneas in the 8th century BC, if you please, which is also mad!!!!

(above) Trojan war hero Aeneas founding the city of Rome in the 8th century BC, and

(below) a typical fortnightly meeting of the local U3A  "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group,

run by local retired schoolmaster Joe (seen below right, seated by the television)

Joe has arranged a new regular time for his meetings, starting today, of 11:30am to 1:30pm, which is equally awkward for all his group members, so fair enough! But at least we can all of us make it at that time - Lois and I would only be having lunch, if we weren't here, so fair enough, that's what we say! 

However, I think that, despite our tiredness, both Lois and I do quite well during the meeting, translating both ways, Latin into English and vice versa - although what most keeps us going during the meeting is the thought that we'll be back home and in bed by 2pm, which is a great morale-booster, to put it mildly!!!!

Lois and me at one of Joe's typical Latin class meetings

As we find out later, Lois and I are in fact much luckier than the happy "just married" couple - Lucy and Rosanna, whose wedding we attended this last weekend. We had imagined that the couple would be well on their way around Europe by now, on their planned "Eurorail Honeymoon", leaving London by "Eurostar" train. 

Not so, however, according to this post by Lucy this morning on social media.

Apparently Lucy's electric wheelchair was not allowed to board their Eurostar train early this morning at London's St Pancras station, because of a problem with the ramps that's been going on for 2 months, a problem for which, critically, Lucy and Rosanna had received no prior warning.

(above) an advert for Eurostar - "Where will Eurostar take you?", and (below) Lucy's justifiably anguished post this morning on social media

So the answer to the question posed in the advertisement "Where will Eurostar take you?" seems to be "precisely nowhere beyond London St Pancras" in this case (!). 

It's also a further reminder to Lois and me of the issues faced by disabled people, never being able to be 100% sure, even on holiday, that some hold-up won't occur at some point or other, for some stupid reason or other. Let's hope a solution was found in this case, and the couple got to Brussels for the start of their European honeymoon, but we'll see. Watch this space!

20:00 At least tonight Lois and I can give our tired brains a bit of a workout, watching one of our favourite TV quizzes, Only Connect, which tests lateral thinking. And it's presented, as always, by Victoria Coren-Mitchell.

And here's a couple of real "doozies" for you from tonight's show, just to get your "grey matter" whirring all over the place, shall we say! [Let's not! - Ed]

Can YOU work out the connection between these four seemingly unrelated clues?

I think you've got this one, haven't you! Yes, that's right, they all refer to expressions involving "tooth" or "teeth": "long in the tooth", i.e. "old"; "kicked in the teeth", i.e. "knocked back", "lacking teeth", of, for example, an ineffective regulatory body etc; and finally "cutting one's teeth" for gaining an initial experience in some chosen field or other. 

Simples!!!!

And how about this one?

Yes, right again! These are all the literal English translations of local expressions for the word "police", in Greece, Italy, Ireland and Wales: astynomia (Greece), carabinieri (Italy), garda (Ireland) and heddliu (Wales). 

And as always, presenter Victoria Coren-Mitchell expresses her enthusiasm for all things Welsh, which is nice!

And here's another doozy from the show's "sequences round". 

Can YOU guess what the fourth element would be in this sequence?

The programme's question-setters suggest the mythical dog Cerberus for the fourth element in the sequence. But why?

It's obvious when you know!The first element is a reference to dogs with no nose, from the old "dad joke" - "My dog's got no nose" / "So, how does he smell?" / "Terrible!".

The second element represents dogs with just one nose, i.e. most dogs, including the famous film-star dog, Lassie.

The third element represents dogs who seem to have two noses, e.g. the celebrated Andean Tiger Hound, which looks as if it has two of them, which must be useful: benefitting from stereophonic smells, if that makes sense! [No! - Ed]

a celebrated Andean Tiger Hound, which looks

as if it has 2 noses

The suggested fourth element in the sequence, however, the mythical dog Cerberus, trumped the lot of them, because he famously had three heads, and hence three noses.

Later, however, after the show, Lois and I google the legendary three-headed Cerberus, and find out that he was probably also the first dog in the world to be called "Spot", presumably by his owner or owners, whoever they were (?).

I wonder.... !

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!

Sunday September 20th 2026 "Friends, have YOU been 'battling' today, maybe against some item of clothing, or menu item?"

Yes, Friends, for a lot of us, life is a constant battle - against our clothes when we try to get dressed in the morning, or a battle with a cherished menu item, maybe!  And these battles are reflected in newspaper headlines - no question about  that !!!!! 

Here are two "doozies" from today's Onion News, which should give you the general idea, if you're not too "battle weary" yourself to read about them, of course!!!

The stories, however, bring some much-needed relief to me and my wife Lois, as we pack up our things and leave our hotel in Ipswich, Suffolk, to finally return home to our pleasant house in semi-welcoming Liphook, Hampshire, that's for sure!!!

flashback to last night, as we take a final 

drink in the hotel bar on our last night in Ipswich

But let me put my cards on the table at this point. 

[I wish you wouldn't keep doing that, Colin! - Ed]

Lois and I have spent a lovely couple of nights in Ipswich being a small part in a joyous family occasion: the marriage of my niece Lucy to her fiancee Rosanna. 

flashback to yesterday: the wedding of my niece 

Lucy (left) to her fiancee Rosanna

But today Lois and I have to return to our normal lives, luckily not having to drive the 132 miles to Liphook ourselves, but being kindly driven by our son-in-law Edward and our daughter Alison, which will save us a ton of stress to put it mildly!!!!

So thanks to Edward, Lois and I don't have to "do battle" with the long drive, let alone battle with a sweatshirt neckhole, or with a unwieldy burrito (see Onion News stories above!!!), which is a comfort (!). 

However, our route home takes us near the site of the Battle of Maldon in August 991, so over 1000 years ago, when an Anglo-Saxon army was defeated by invading Vikings, a battle that also resulted in the death of the Anglo-Saxon leader Byrhtnoth.

Poor Byrhtnoth !!!!! 

And the sign "to Maldon via the A434" sends a bit of a tingle down the spines of both Lois and me, as we are both keen history-buffs, despite, or perhaps because of, our age! The date of the battle is traditionally given as "either August 10 or August 11" - I expect the participants couldn't quite remember: after all both the winners and the losers had a lot going on at the time, so fair enough, that's what Lois and I say, at any rate! 

Even ourselves, we can't always remember what days we do things on, would you believe! Well, we are 80, so we're entitled to a few slips of memory occasionally, we feel !!!!

And how lovely it is, also, today, to be driven across the Thames Estuary over the Dartford Bridge, which is a first for us, as we don't normally come anywhere near these parts, to put it mildly!!!

the Queen Elizabeth II Bridge which crosses the Thames Estuary at Dartford

Also new to us is the system of paying the toll for the bridge, a payment which these days drivers apparently make "online", so no just throwing a shilling piece into a big basket, or that kind of 'malarkey', which is weird! 

Stop the world, we want to get off haha !!!!

[Get real, Colin, this is 2006 not 1956 - better buck your ideas up!!! - Ed]

(left) our son-in-law Edward drives us over the Dartford Crossing Bridge,

as (right) my wife Lois marvels at the mighty river below us

Edward somehow pays the toll "online", or that's what he tells us at least !!!!

What madness !!!!!

Edward has to be home by lunchtime so he can get ready for his latest business trip, this time by air to Boston USA, of all places, so he can bring home some "big money deal" or other to the railway company he's a director of. 

And Lois and I have to be home by lunchtime to take part in our weekly whatsapp catch-up call with our other daughter Sarah, who lives in Perth, Australia, with husband Francis and their 13-year-old twins Lily and Jessica, which is always a joy. And Sarah is keen to hear about the wedding of her cousin Lucy, so that's all good!

Lois and I take part in our weekly whatsapp catch-up call with our daughter

Sarah and our 13-year-old twin granddaughters Lily and Jessica

14:30 Totally exhausted, and completely 'talked out', Lois and I finally flop into bed this afternoon for an extended 'statutory naptime', before crawling downstairs for a scratch meal and flopping down on the sofa for a viewing of the first in a new series of Antiques Roadshow on BBC1. Being a couple of "antiques" ourselves, we tend to identify with the exhibits rather than with the collectors - poor us !!!!

The oldest object on the show tonight is a 3000 year old pair of "penannular rings" from the end of the Bronze Age - at least Lois and I feel younger than that, which is a comforting thought!

Or do we......??????

(left) a pair of 3000-year old penannular rings and (right) a pair of 'old codgers'

I wonder.....!

Poor us !!!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!!

Friday September 18th - Saturday September 19th 2026 "Italians, eh! They seem to do everything in a 'classy', fashionable way, which is nice!"

Friday September 18th 2026

Yes, Friends, once again the Italians are dominating the headlines, with their natural sense of 'style' beating the pants off us poor gauche, ungainly Brits - and that's a 'given' !!!!

They're certainly making all the running in today's Onion News - no surprise there !

What madness isn't it!!!! Those 'Eye-ties', eh?! With their 'style' and semi-unconscious brilliance, they can certainly teach us hopelessly unfashionable Brits a thing or two along the way - no question about that!

And all these headlines bring an expectant smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-regional Liphook, Hampshire, that's for sure, because tonight, we'll be dining at a classy Italian restaurant 134 miles away, in semi-aquatic Ipswich, Suffolk, which is a twist, to put it mildly!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

Yes, and these 'Onion' stories remind us that, tonight, we'll be living it up in Ipswich, Suffo;k - well, our powers of memory aren't what they used to be, now that we're both 80, even though we look decades younger, our friends tell us!

[Really, Colin? I'd like some signed statements to that effect, if you wouldn't mind! - Ed]

You see, our daughter Alison and lawyer husband Edward, will be coming over at 11am from their home in nearby Headley, Hampshire, to 'whisk' us both away for the long 134-mile car journey to Ipswich, where we've been invited to the wedding of my niece Lucy to her fiancee Rosanna, taking place tomorrow, Saturday.

Lois and I thought that Edward must be taking the day off from his hotshot lawyer job, but during the drive, it transpires that for him, it's 'business as usual' and the poor guy, while negotiating the busy M25 around London, somehow also has to spend most of the journey talking on his phone to his co-workers and associates, not just in the UK, but also in America -  he's due to fly to Boston on Sunday evening for talks about some 'big money deal', or other.

What madness!!! But that's the modern world for you, so take it or leave it haha!!!

Our hotshot lawyer son-in-law Edward stuffs his over-excited 'old codger'

parents-in-law into the back seat of his swish, comfortable car, somehow

managing to negotiate the busy M25 around London, while also

talking on the phone to his associates both in the UK and the US - what madness!!!

At least Lois and I know we're in a safe pair of hands for the drive to Ipswich, and we thrill to the sights and sounds of a route we've never taken before - going round London on the 'wrong' side, i.e. the east side, taking the Dartford Tunnel option across the Thames Estuary, before finally arriving at the iconic Ipswich harbourside hotel where all four of us are staying, although Edward and Alison are in a superior 4th floor room, with a superior view of the car-park.

Lois and I are meanwhile 'slumming it' on the first floor with the 'rough' guests, but we don't mind, we famously "like a bit of 'rough' now and again" haha! We also have a view of the car-park, but arguably a 'more informative, and detailed one', because it's 'a lot more nearer, like', which is nice!

And in a boldly 'inclusive' move by the hotel management, guests from the superior rooms are now allowed to meet their first-floor 'rough' friends and relations in the hotel bar, which is a comfort, so before walking the 10 minute walk to the Italian restaurant for the pre-wedding day dinner, we enjoy a quick drink with Alison and Edward. 

Oooooh, that's a relief  - make mine a 'Stella', Edward, my man, if you wouldn't mind !!!!! 

17:30 We detach ourselves, all four, from the hotel bar and embark on the 10-minute walk through the "mean streets of Ipswich" to the delightful "Bella Napoli" Italian restaurant for the pre-wedding day dinner.

Lois and I, plus our daughter Alison and husband Edward,  join the friends 

and family of the happy couple, for the pre-wedding day 

dinner at Ipswich's flagship Italian restaurant, the Bella Napoli

My goodness, what a lot of 'chat', and much of it 'lawyer chat'! You see, the happy couple, Lucy and Rosanna are both lawyers, practising in Ipswich, although at their law firm, there is "no overlap in their responsibilities", we hear: a situation due to well and truly end tomorrow, that's for sure, although not on the work front presumably!!! And there are an awful lot of lawyers (in a nice sense!) present here tonight in this restaurant, no question about that!

There's also a lot of  'Anglo-American chat', because my niece Lucy's fiancee Rosanna is the product of an arguably 'mildly mixed marriage'. She has an English mother and an American father, a couple now based in somewhere like Illinois (Belleville?) or Missouri (?) or that kind of 'malarkey', at any rate. Somewhere in the "Great American Middle", in other words, so very much 'in the thick of it' over there, which is nice! 

faraway Illinois, USA, and the town, Belleville, where Rosanna's parents are based (roughly!)

Tonight, a lot of Rosanna's friends and family are here from the States, including some US lawyers, so no surprise there!

The two legal systems are basically the same, in many aspects - the American one could be dubbed 'Magna Carta without the wigs', as I was once told. And American lawyers are allowed to quote the outcomes of British cases as long as they're at least 250 years old, or older, which can be useful in some circumstances, believe it or not! 

So "Bob's your Uncle, fair enough!" -  that's what Lois and I say !!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!

Saturday September 20th 2026

Friends, are YOU ever tempted to dance at a wedding? A lot of us are, aren't we, although it can be unwise not to practise for a few hours (or days maybe?) beforehand, so as not to upstage the couple and, particularly so as  not to upstage them in in a not very good way, to put it mildly!!! 

Some days, everybody seems to be dancing - have you noticed? [No! - Ed] And once again, dancing is dominating the headlines, today, if we're to believe our print copy of this morning's Onion News, no question about that!!!!

It's dancing madness, I tell you!!! 

And these Onion headlines bring a cheery grin to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in Ipswich, 130 miles north east of our home in semi-attractive Liphook, Hampshire, that's for sure!!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

Lois and I actually find ourselves dancing today, the first time we've danced together for about 2 years, tempted by a joyous occasion - the wedding of my dear niece Lucy to her fiancee Rosanna at Ipswich. However, wisely, I think we stop after 2 numbers - well we are 80, so we don't want to cause a medical emergency and upstage the happy couple, as noted above (!), so fair enough - that's what we say !!!! 

Call us "unnecessarily unassuming", if you can say that 'mouthful' without spluttering, that is !!!

The venue for the wedding is upstairs in the august Ipswich County Library, so a somewhat 'bookish' feel to the occasion, but very pleasing for us, especially for Lois who spent her working life in libraries, so she feels completely at home!

(left) the room at the County Library where the ceremony takes place, and

(right) the steps outside, as guests gather

the happy couple 'tie the knot'

Lucy and Rosanna's joyous 'confetti moment'

It's a ceremony that somehow combines both the emotional gravity of the occasion with joyous hilarity, as this unashamedly 'giggly' couple pledge their troth before an excited crowd of friends and emerge first into the gardens of the nearby Ipswich and Suffolk Club and then into the club dining room for the reception, and the many heart-felt speeches from the couple and some of their guests.

There are lots of lawyers present - both Lucy and Rosanna are practising law in Ipswich: they'll get it right eventually, they promise us! And there are also lots of Americans - Rosanna has an English mother and an American father, and her family hail from Missouri / Illinois or that kind of 'malarkey', adding a cosmopolitan feel to the occasion, which is nice!

Lois and I feel "all talked out" by the time the reception ends around 5 pm, so we do the 15 minute walk back to our harbour-side hotel and collapse on the bed [not shown]. 

Well we are 80, you know! And we need to recharge our batteries [not shown!], if we want to return to the club for the evening part of the 'do', which starts with the happy, giggly couple leading off and doing the first dance, by tradition.

(above) Lucy and Rosanna, the happy, giggly couple 'lead off' the evening's

dancing, and (below left) in the bar, our daughter Alison and husband Edward,

and (below right) my wife Lois and Yours Truly grabbing a quick 'nightcap' -

well we are 80, you know! [Final warning! - Ed]

And that, in brief, is how you do it, if your niece finds her soulmate and you want to be a part of this special moment in their two young lives, which we did. So simples!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!!