Wednesday October 28th 2026 "The 'world of art', eh! Never as 'idyllic' as we want it to be, is it!!!!"

Yes, Friends, we so-called 'world of art' - we want it to be an idyllic island in this world of troubles, but it so rarely fulfils that promise. There's always something turbulent going on in it, which is mad! Have YOU noticed?!!!

Even Onion News is now bringing out a special weekly pull-out-and-throw-away Art World Colour Supplement, free with their normal paper every Wednesday, which is crazy !!!!

And if you're too busy to look at it, here's a quick sample of this week's top stories -  a couple of real "doozies" !!!!

It's all a bit mad, really, if I'm honest! But these shock headlines at least bring a fleeting grin to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, so all is not lost haha!!!!

my wife Lois and me, pictured today on our near-daily walk

over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes, Liphook United

As long-term "art buffs" it was always an ambition of ours to spend "30 minutes of squelching" through top artist Claude Monet's famous garden at Giverny in Northern France, we were always somehow "too busy", which was a pity, but today at least we hear that my "baby sister" Jill in Ipswich, Suffolk - now 68 years of age, would you believe! - has somehow found the time to do it on her recent 4-day break to the near Continent, which is some consolation!

By contrast, Lois and I, although retired now for 20 years (which is mad!), can scarcely spare the time out of our hectic daily schedule to do our "30 minutes of squelching" on the hallowed (but muddy!) turf of East Hampshire Premier League soccer giants Liphook United , which is crazy!

contrast: (above) my "baby sister Jill's stroll through top artist Claude Monet's garden 

in France last week, and (below) Lois and me, hurrying over the 'hallowed turf'

of local soccer heroes Liphook United, pausing briefly to watch the antics of

"the young housewives of Liphook" doing their stretches in the car-park. What madness!!!

"But why are you and Lois always so busy, Colin?", I hear you cry!

And my answer? It's simply that yes, maybe we have taken on perhaps more responsibilities than we'd like ideally, but in a way, we relish the "buzz" of it all, and strangely enjoy feeling our juices flowing, as we "cross off", one by one, all the duties on one of our typically overflowing "to do lists", which is invigorating at our age, we find! 

Call us "overachievers" if you like - but to us, that's a compliment, would you believe!

[Get on with it! - Ed]

a typical couple working on formulating a to-do-list

And top of our busy agenda today is preparing for next Monday's Latin class, which is mad! "For our sins" (!), we're both members of local man Joe's U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, and currently we and our fellow group members are all reading about the Trojan War in the pages of top Roman poet Vergil's epic poem, The Aeneid.

Lois and me this morning, at our kitchen table, studying epic poem "The Aeneid",

- top Roman poet Vergil's account of the Trojan War - busy busy busy!!!!!

We've got to an exciting point in the story. The Greek army, after 10 years of besieging the city of Troy without success, decided to construct a massive Wooden Horse which they place outside the city gates, hoping that the Trojans will wheel it inside their city, out of curiosity if nothing else. The twist is, however, that the Wooden Horse is packed with Greek soldiers, who, once inside the city, will creep out in the dead of night, and open up the gates to their comrades, thus enabling Troy to be captured.

Those wily Trojans, however, are suspicious, so the Greek Army pretends to sail home to Greece, but leaving behind one of their top  "agents", a guy called Sinon, who deliberately gets himself captured by local shepherds. The shepherds don't know what to do with him, so they take Sinon into the city to meet Trojan king, Priam, no less! Sinon's job is to gain the confidence of the Trojans and persuade them that the Wooden Horse isn't a trick, so it'll be quite okay for them to take the Horse into the city, and the rest is history!

top Greek secret agent Sinon persuading the Trojans that

the Wooden Horse is nothing to be afraid of, and that they should

wheel it into their city. The trick works, and later, the city falls to the Greeks

At first the Trojans are suspicious of Sinon, but he wins them over by pretending to be a 'lost soul', rejected by his fellow Greeks, who've all supposedly gone home to Greece, and saying that now he's fully expecting the Trojans to want him put him to death. 

"Alas, what land, what seas are going to welcome me now! What's left for poor me, now! There's no place for me now among the Greeks, and now, our enemies, the Trojans. are demanding my blood!". 

This is mine and Lois's translation, but if YOU know any Intermediate Latin, why not send me YOUR version - postcards only!!!

Poor Sinon!!! And unfortunately, "Poor Sinon!" is, also, exactly what those soft-hearted, but gullible, Trojans say also - the saps!!!!! They wheel the Wooden Horse in, and the Greek soldiers inside it creep out at dead of night and let the Greek Army into the city - end of story!!!!!

Did Sinon get a Greek medal for his war-winning deeds? The Latin text doesn't say, but I definitely think we should be told, don't you!

Luckily, that nice Mr Google at least has the complete story about Sinon's daring exploit, which is fortunate!

What a crazy world they lived in, back in those far-off days!!!!

But what a great invention wheels were - thought to have been invented around 3,500BC on the plains of Eurasia! And how fortunate that the Greeks had thought to put wheels on their Wooden Horse, which made it so much easier and more tempting for the poor Trojans to pull it into their doomed city!!!

the Trojans "wheeling" the Wooden Horse into their city

However, tonight, Lois and I hear about a priest who had wheels put on his pulpit, would you believe,  the idea being that he could be wheeled round his big cathedral to wake up any parishioners who had fallen asleep during one of his long sermons, which was a smart idea! 

Yes, step forward, classic writer Jonathan Swift, author of "Gulliver's Travels", and, also, Dean of Ireland's biggest cathedral, St Patrick's in Dublin, no less!!!

(left) Jonathan Swift, author of "Gulliver's Travels", and also Dean of Ireland's

biggest cathdral St Patrick's,  and (right) the wheeled pulpit he had had made, 

so he could be wheeled round the cathedral to wake up any of his parishioners

who had fallen asleep during one of his long sermons - what madness!!!!

It's amazing to think that this august churchman - Jonathan Swift (1667-1745) - was also the author of a book like "Gulliver's Travels", so full of bodily functions such as defecation, urination and all sorts of sexy "goings-on", which was mad!

And Lois and I are hearing all about this madness tonight, as we settle down on the sofa to hear the latest programme in BBC Radio 4's week-long celebration this week of the 300th anniversary of the 1726 publication of Swift's "Gulliver's Travels", 

Swift's classic is still being celebrated as a master satire, attacking the corrupt politicians of the time, but also criticising the follies of religion, which was weird for a dean in the Irish Church. He famously compared the differences between Protestantism and Catholicism to be as about as important as "opening a boiled egg at the big end or at the little end" - an argument that famously led to a war in Swift's fictional kingdom of Lilliput. 

the "Egg War" - sparked by a controversy about

the right way to open up a boiled egg

However, what caused the biggest controversy that Swift quickly became embroiled in, was not his theology, but his "scatology", that is, with his book's frequent, and detailed accounts of defecation, urination and various sexy "goings-on". 

And the book was described as "filthy in thought, filthy in word, raging, furious and obscene", as the later Victorian writer William Thackeray described it. Oh dear! The Victorians really didn't like "Gulliver's Travels" !!!!

the 1887 Victorian edition of Gulliver's Travels, described by

writer William Thackeray as "filthy in thought, filthy in word, 

raging, furious and obscene" - oh dear !!!

Whatever events are happening in the story of Gulliver, tonight's presenter Hislop says, you always know that somebody is going to start defecating, at one point or another, which is mad! 

"Turds are always just around the corner", Hislop laments! And Swift always gives the reader plenty of detail in his descriptions of the defecations - it's thought to be Swift's parody of Defoe's Robinson Crusoe, published a few years earlier, in which defecation takes place, but without any detail given, perhaps unsurprisingly (!).

Presenter Hislop explains that Swift was, above all, concerned to show that human beings are animals, and that if we think that we are only rational beings then we're mistaken. The rational and the animal are all part of the same whole - something which Swift always found irresistibly funny. 

There's also lots of sexy goings-on in the story, especially when it comes to the lustful, and unnaturally huge Brobdingnagian giantesses, who shove poor Gulliver into their cleavages, or even into other, more intimate parts of their anatomy (!). There's the enormous Farmer's Wife, whom Gulliver observes breast-feeding her enormous baby, and the "maidens of honour" who frequently strip Gulliver naked, set him astride their nipples, and who "handle him in playful and humiliating ways, that leave him feeling emasculated, and horrified by their raw, physical proximity" (!).

Gulliver (somewhere - body only!!!), buried beneath a pile of 

the "maids of honour" of Lorbulgrud. Poor Gulliver!!!!

Again Swift is basically trying to represent some of the realities of human life, and being careful never to idealise things in life that aren't wholly ideal, perhaps to keep us "grounded", as Swift definitely  wouldn't have put it, in the no-nonsense English of those crazy, far-off days!!!!

Fascinating stuff, though, isn't it!!!

And so to bed.....!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzz!!!!!

Tuesday October 27th 2026 "Are YOU forever 'chasing rainbows? Or is a rainbow chasing YOU haha!!!"

Yes, Friends, it's all very well chasing rainbows, but when the rainbow starts chasing you, it's time to maybe find a new hobby, do you think haha! 

Certainly you might want to "re-think" the whole traditionally "friendly" image of the delightful, and colourful, rainbow, if you just look at this morning's Onion News, to put it mildly!!!!

Yikes, makes you think, doesn't it! But don't worry, these stories aren't really true, I must emphasise!

They both feature in the paper's popular "Leave Time For A Smile" column, and I think a bit of creative so-called "AI" may have played a part in creating those superficially scary photos - but that's just the crazy modern world for you, isn't it!

Nevertheless, these somewhat sensational "killer rainbow" headlines, and others similar (!), bring the hint of a wan smile to the chubby cheeks of me and my wife Lois today, here in semi-rural Liphook, Hampshire - that's a given!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

And we're "leaving time for a smile" today, because we've just had a nice afternoon in bed, for "statutory nap-time", which has recharged our batteries like nobody's business, as we always say!

I won't say we "overindulged" today, but I'll just say, that when we went to bed, around 2pm, there was a lovely "non-killer" (!) rainbow" to be seen from our bedroom window, and when we struggled out of bed, some hours later (!), there was a huge end-of-October "Hunter's moon" to be seen, just rising in the eastern skies, which was nice!!!

(above) this afternoon's "non-killer rainbow", and a few hours later

a lovely "Hunter's moon" to be seen from our bedroom window, which was nice!

"But, Colin, what's a 'hunter's moon'?", I hear you cry! Well, that nice Mr Google has the answer, if you're curious!

What a crazy planet we live on !!!!

However, to put your mind at rest (!), Lois and I claim that we have fully deserved our afternoon nap today, after another typically-busy, but nice morning, as we worked through our hectic schedule! 

an extract from our crazy end-of-October calendar: Thursday looks like

it's going to be a total nightmare, with two "to-dos" on the same day, which is mad!

And, if you're starting to "tut-tut", or even just got to the first part - just a single "tut" in planned series of 'tuts' maybe (!) -  may I remind you that our neighbours have dubbed Lois and me "possibly Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple", which is mad!

[Final warning: I want hard evidence of this statement, on my desk, before I "knock off" tonight! - Ed]

Well, if you want so-called "evidence", just look at this crazy account of our so-called "morning"! After a thorough check on the first signs of our neighbours Olly and Sarah's 2026 Halloween display, we also somehow find time to meet our daughter Alison for a relaxing lunch at Liphook's newest cafe, The Moon & Cous, and wind down for an hour or two, which proves to be a real life-saver, and an island of calm in our otherwise hectic day, which is nice!

our hectic morning: (above) we check on first signs of our neighbours Olly and Sarah's

2026 Halloween display, and (below) we somehow also find time to have lunch

with our daughter Alison, in Liphook's newest cafe, the Moon & Cous - busy busy busy!!!

Yes, busy, busy, busy!!!! And certainly, Lois and I have never been described as "cabbages" - we're unfortunately far too active to quality for that particular 'moniker', and in spades!!!

Nor have we ever been compared to "lettuces", unlike one of the UK's many former Prime Ministers, Liz Truss, according to a text we receive today from Steve, our American brother-in-law in Pennsylvania, who knows a lot more about what goes on in the UK than we do, which is mad! 

Liz famously resigned as Prime Minister in October 2022, after a mere 44 days in office - a UK record, as well as being a "personal worst" for poor Liz !!!!!

Steve says that Liz Truss is still smarting about a Daily Star competition about who would last longer - (a) Liz Truss in 10, Downing Street, or (b) a lettuce, which traditionally thought to have a shelf-life of around the same duration, which is mad!

And the short "shelf-life" of modern Prime Ministers, by coincidence, is one of the subjects in tonight's "Heresies" programme on BBC Radio 4, an unscripted discussion between Jo Bunting, Phil Wang, and David Mitchell in front of a live studio audience, and refereed by presenter Victoria Coren Mitchell.

Introducing the topic, Victoria recounts how in a short space of time we had had Starmer, Sunak, Johnson and Truss, which, Victoria says, "sounds like a really terrible law firm" (!). But David Mitchell, who's been doing some research has found that many of the UK's very earliest Prime Ministers were only in office for 1 to 2 years: William Cavendish, George Grenville, John Stewart, William Petty and Pitt the Elder, for example.

Phil Wang, however, thinks that, although Liz Truss famously "only lasted as long as a lettuce", to him that was too long, declaring that we should possibly be aiming for the equivalent of foods with an even shorter life-span: milk or bread, for example. "I won't be happy," he says, "until we have our first avocado PM", and Lois and I know what he means!

milk, bread and avocado - a new model for UK Prime Ministers?

However, presenter Victoria thinks that if you could somehow combine, say, the "trustworthiness" of Boris Johnson, the "competence" of Liz Truss, and the "man-of-the-people-style likeability" of Rishi Sunak, with (finally) the "sheer charisma" of Keir Starmer, then maybe we could collectively make a really great Prime Minister. 

And Phil Wang agrees with this, although still stressing that the argument for electing a fridge-freezer might still remain the best option.

I wonder... !!!

But what a crazy country we live in !!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!

Monday October 26th 2026 "The price of clean laundry? Eternal diligence, that's what I say haha!"

Yes, Friends, it's a pity, but we humans find that we have to wash our clothes periodically, which is a bore, but a necessary chore. And yet - and yet - science can give us "non-iron shirts", so why not "non-wash shirts", if I may be so bold as to pose the question, a wake-up call, if ever there was one to the UK's so-called "brainy" scientists and inventors!!! Get your finger out, guys, for all our sakes haha!!!!!

And that's Colin's "Thought for the Day" this chilly Monday - the weekday traditionally dubbed "washing day" for centuries, in our "green and pleasant land" (!!!). And please ignore that rather sensationalist story about the latest shocking theft from the Dorm Study Area! I understand our hard-working county police are on to the criminal mastermind responsible, so no worries there (!).

As per usual, since today is weekly "washing day" for, like, billions of Brits, Onion News has published its usual weekly Monday pull-out "Laundry Cut-out-and-throw away Colour Supplement", so why not rescue your copy from the kitchen waste, and take a quick "peek" - just saying!!!! But if you're short of time, here's "Colin's Pick of Today's Doozies" !!!!

It's all a bit mad, if I'm honest, and there should be more to life than the routine weekly wash, don't you think!!! 

Nevertheless Onion News's usual 'laundry' basket (!) of shocking clothes-washing stories brings a rosy smile to the cheery cheeks of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-hospitable Liphook, Hampshire, no question about that!!!

my wife Lois and me -  recent picture

With the days shortening, and the weather getting increasingly wet and windy, as we approach November, Lois and I recently invested in a Black & Decker Heated Clothes Airer, which has been sitting in our garage for a few days, waiting for Yours Truly to find the time to assemble it, but with my tight schedule that's proved awkward until today, when I "get off my backside" (in Lois's words (!)) and break it out of its packaging, so fair enough - as always, I tend to "come through" in the end, I find, so that's all good!!!!

[Get on with it! - Ed]

(left) Yours Truly "getting off his backside" (in Lois's words!) in the garage 

and assembling our shiny new Black & Decker heated clothes airer, and (right) Lois

debuting the airer this morning with a selection of my iconic tee-shirts, which is nice!

Yes this Monday is turning into yet another busy day for "possibly Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple", as we've been dubbed by neighbours, would you believe!!!!

However, assembling and debuting the heated airer "malarkey" is frankly, also, a bit of a welcome distraction for Lois and me, to be honest, because, once again, we're stuck in the house all day - and not just because of the awful weather, but also because Lois is expecting a call from Natalie, our NHS GP, to discuss some so-called "test results", if you please! 

(left) our local NHS Doctor's Surgery, and (right) our regular GP, Natalie

Luckily, Natalie's given us a so-called "time slot" which is supposed to "narrow things down a bit". 

Ha bloody ha! 

Because, unfortunately, we know only that Natalie's call will be "some time between 8am and 6:30pm", as she texted us on Saturday. Thanks, Natalie, that's a big help haha!  But what a madness it all is, isn't it!!!!!

Sometimes, when Natalie calls us, she calls us on our mobiles, and sometimes on what we call our ''landline', although it isn't really a landline, it's some kind of "internet phone working off 'wifi'", whatever that means!!! So Lois is having to keep two phones by her all day, even when we're in bed this afternoon, which is mad!

Lois today, having to carry 2 phones around with her, in case our NHS GP Natalie

calls us, even taking them to bed this afternoon for "statutory nap-time"

- what a madness it all is !!!!!

Natalie's call eventually comes through at 5:45pm, after we've been waiting for a mere 9 hours 45 minutes (!!!) -  but what's that between a doctor and his patients! 

Luckily, however, Natalie's a really lovely doctor - always eager to get our reactions to her medication suggestions, and, importantly, calling us by our Christian names, even though she's never met us, which is a nice touch. Lois and I have been fairly fortunate so far, and are both pretty healthy on the whole, with just the occasional, "old codger issues" of one sort or another, although we are getting a bit "long in the tooth" these days, so who knows how much more time our luck will hold out?

Yikes!!!!!

And phone calls to hear about "test results" are always a bit of a worry, when you get to our age! You see, Lois and I are classic "boomers", both born in 1946, which is mad! And as far as our bodies are concerned, all our "bits" have been around (and in almost constant use!!!) for quite a while now, to put it mildly!!! 

flashback to 1948: (left) Lois sitting on a bale of hay in the Oxfordshire countryside,

and (right) me and my baby sister Kathy, outside our house in Dover, Kent, with our dad,

 Ken, still in uniform after service in World War II. What a long time ago!!! Yikes !!!!!

However, on this occasion, after talking to Natalie today, I think Lois is probably going to be able to get away just with taking a follow-up test, and adding another bunch of pills to her daily "trayful" (!), so fingers crossed!!!

Thank goodness, in Natalie, we've got a GP who puts us immediately at our ease, because doctor-patient relationships can sometimes be a bit "fraught", to put it mildly!!!

However, the ability to put people at their ease is also a blessing when it comes to TV quizmasters, especially when they're introducing contenders who are just ordinary members of the public at the start of what's obviously going to be a nerve-wracking 30 minutes for them. 

Tonight it's "Quiz Night" on BBC2, and both the BBC's Clive Myrie (on "Mastermind") and Victoria Coren-Mitchell (on "Only Connect", which tests lateral thinking, show us exactly how it's done!

(left) TV's Clive Myrie showcasing the terrifying Mastermind "chair", where

contestants sit for their "grilling", and (right) TV's Victoria Coren-Mitchell, trying 

to put contestants at ease at the start of "Only Connect", which tests lateral thinking

This is how Clive does it:

Oops!!! Hold it right there, Clive! Perhaps not haha !!!!

Let's just see if Victoria Coren--Mitchell can do a better job than Clive, in her opening remarks on tonight's  edition of "Only Connect" !!!!

At the start of tonight's show, Victoria reads out a letter she's received from a viewer called Ray, in Lincoln, who's complaining that the current series of "Only Connect" is 18% longer than usual, something which Ray obviously doesn't like (!).

Oops!!! Perhaps not (again) !!!!!

And Lois are I are left wondering - would it perhaps be better to persuade our friendly local GP, Natalie, to take a job on BBC2, where she could put the contestants at their ease, without making such a song and dance about it?

I wonder......!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!!!