Thursday September 24th 2026 "We can be heroes, just for one day" - David Bowie said so haha!!!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU a hero when the occasion demands it? A crisis or an emergency seems to bring out the best in people - have you noticed? And all the time we seem to hear stories of quiet, ordinary people showing their "mettle" and "saving the day", when all seems lost, which is heart-warming, to put it mildly!

Have you seen today's Onion News? There are a couple of real "doozies" making the headlines - just turn to page 94 !!!! 

And these stories of "derring-do" by ordinary everyday folks bring an eye-watering glint to the eyes of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-welcoming Liphook, Hampshire - no question about that!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

To look at me in that picture - an "everyday jobbing blogger", as I've recently been dubbed by my Liphook neighbours, you wouldn't think that I'd be capable of heroic deeds, but think again!!!

Even my wife Lois was surprised when I leapt into action yesterday, when, within weeks of the Government's new emergency food advice being issued, I got on my laptop and ordered a bunch of emergency food items from online supermarket Ocado. I even had the courage to include some so-called "legumes", even though I'm not 100% sure what that means, would you believe! 

Yikes! And hence some mystery "extra items" that I added to our normal supermarket delivery, and soon after our delivery arrived, containing some of the items listed below, I was to be seen mounting a precarious small step-ladder and stashing all those tins and bottles carefully on a shelf in our garage - even Lois, normally slow to show her deepest emotions, applauded me so hard, I thought she might wake the neighbours, which is mad!!!!

me bravely mounting a small step-ladder and storing our hard-ordered online

emergency groceries on a shelf in our garage this morning - what a hero!

This emergency "hoard" should keep us going for at least a couple of hours, more possibly (!),  in the event of an emergency, so that's all good!!!

What madness, isn't it !!!!

However, what if our neighbours have heard Lois's girlish - or should I say "womanish" cries of admiration and, when the crisis comes, what if they come knocking on our door demanding their share of my carefully-assembled hoard?

Some of them, eg. retiree Christine from no. 13, the superficially kind person who brings everybody in the street's wheelie bins back to them after they've been emptied, sometimes looks as if she might "turn ugly" in an emergency - yikes!!!!!

And how would Lois and I deal with her if she came across the street in a crisis, looking to grab some of our "goodies", just because we've maybe been showing a bit more "foresight" and "providence" than she has?  I wonder.....!

16:00 Well, if any of our mostly aged neighbours come to us looking for "trouble", Lois and I know how to deal with them now, especially after listening to this afternoon's edition of "Word of Mouth" on Radio 4, where presenter Michael Rosen talks to somebody who can certainly "handle himself": nightclub bouncer George Bass, who's just published a book of memoirs - "What the Bouncer Saw".

"Words and tone are my riot shield", Bass tells presenter Rosen. But trouble-makers have to understand that you mean what you say, he stresses. And to be a good bouncer, you also need to have emotional insight, and to be a good mind-reader. You have to persuade people to "stand down" without feeling like it's a surrender on their part.

George Bass, author of "What the Bouncer Saw", published May 2026

In the past, Bass says, bouncers had a rather thuggish image, but all that changed in 2003, since when, bouncers have to have a licence from the SIA (Security Industry Authority) and so have become more like social workers than thugs, making sure that trouble-makers don't harm themselves or others, and that everybody "has a good time". 

bouncers before and after the 2003 introduction of SIA accreditation

And nightclub managers like it that way - it's not good for a club's image if there's a bouncer on the door in a bow tie wielding a pick-axe handle, and a punter inside chasing their teeth across the dance-floor. an attitude that Lois and I can sympathise with !

A good bouncer will be able to spot the person about to blow up, go across and "talk them down" - asking them what they're after, what's the problem etc. For the bouncer, getting physical is always a last resort. Often trouble-makers are pleased, flattered even, if you tell them that they're frightening people, and that they're being "scary", as many of them are young people who have never had any respect growing up. 

It's not the bouncer's aim to "win" against the guy, just to get him off-site as peacefully as possible. 

it's not the bouncer's aim to 'win' against a troublemaker,

just to get him off-site as peacefully as possible.

Interestingly, it's only the older trouble-makers who are spooked by the bouncer's mandatory body-cam. The younger, "Gen Z" trouble-makers have grown up in the age of selfies and social media video-clips, "followers" etc, and to them it's all a natural part of the modern world. Tellingly, many boast to the bouncer, that "I've got more followers than you". However the bouncer can reply, "Yes, but my followers are the police!".

Lois and I are both 80, although we look younger, or so we tell ourselves (!), and therefore naturally we have only limited knowledge of today's nightclub bouncers and their methods (!). And we didn't know, for example, that the bodycams only record if the bouncer presses a button, but that the camera saves footage from 10 seconds before the button-press, as the assumption is that the situation has already started to become volatile. When the bouncer says, "I'm recording now", this has a definite calming effect on the trouble-maker too, making them think that, "Oh yikes, my parents / my boss / the police / the courts, are going to see this!".

Also, with Gen Z trouble-makers, bouncer Bass finds that, while they're used to mobile phones, they tend to get overawed by the less familiar medium of walkie-talkie radio with its weird, "crackly" sound, and apparently they start to worry that half the Army is about to arrive, which also has a calming effect, we're told. Which it would, naturally!

police arriving outside a nightclub, but many troublemakers

are apparently half-expecting the Army, would you believe!!!

Finally, programme presenter Rosen asks bouncer Bass what his ultimate weapon is, if he's having difficulty getting a trouble-maker out of a club if it's closing time and they just won't go?

Here's an example of one of his ultimate weapons - the flattering, and alluring, suggestion:

"Listen, mate, that red-head who was talking to you earlier, the one built like Sydney Sweeney [who she? - Ed], she's out front right now, begging for your phone number. I told her I'd ask you if you could give it to her personally. Are you interested?" Then, apparently, once the bouncer's got the guy outside, he just bars the door and puts the kettle on - simples!!!!

Actress Sydney Sweeney (29) - idol of many a Gen Z trouble-maker (!)

Fascinating stuff, isn't it!!!

16:30 And after the programme ends, Lois and I have a chat and, as a result, we think we know how to handle Christine, or any of our other improvident, elderly neighbours, if they come looking for trouble, after hearing about our 'secret grocery hoard'.

They won't want to tangle with us again, that's for sure!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!!

Wednesday September 23rd 2026 "Feet, eh! We need them for so many things, don't we !!!!!"

Yes, Friends, our feet, eh?!!! We need them for so many things, as heart-throb Bernard Breslaw articulated in his big 1958 hit record, "You Need Feet" - remember that one, sports fans?

They don't write lyrics like those any more, do they!

[Thank goodness for that! - Ed]

However, feet, even today, are still 'making the running', when it comes to the bigger news stories - no pun intended!!!! Here are just a few of the headlines in today's Onion News, if you need proof!!!!

And these stories, if nothing else, bring a bit of a shy smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-pleasant Liphook, Hampshire, as we take our almost daily walk over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes Liphook United, that's for sure!

my wife Lois and me this morning, doing our near-daily walk

over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes Liphook United

And we're laughing, partly because our so-called 'feet' are going to be dominating our day today, starting with a visit from "Toes Woman" - local woman Julie, who's going to be cutting our toe nails for us, would you believe! Nothing quite tells you you're old as much as having to pay somebody to cut your toe-nails for your, no question about that!

(left) a salutary warning about ageing from charity Age UK, and (right)

Lois having her toe-nails cut by local woman Julie - what madness, isn't it!

Toes aren't much use without feet, however, and feet aren't much use without legs, we've also found, in the course of our long lives (!), and Bernard Bresslaw's 1958 smash "You Need Feet" isn't the only "paeon" to that sentiment, to put it mildly!

Do you remember, from way back in 1983, "She's Got Legs (And She Knows How To Use Them)" from over-bearded combo "ZZ Top", perhaps?

And (again (!)) they don't write lyrics like that any more, do they!

[And (again), thank goodness for that! - Ed]

However, the ZZ Top combo's only arguably under-bearded member, the ironically monikered Frank Beard, sadly died recently, and, at the time, UK political magazine Private Eye's staff poet, EJ Thribb, wrote some  moving lines to commemorate Frank's passing in the magazine's popular "Poetry Corner" feature - did you see them, a couple of weeks ago, now?

Fabulous stuff wasn't it, from the pen of the magazine's master wordsmith and "obit specialist", EJ Thribb, who I believe is only 17 and a half, and already showing amazing talent, to put it mildly!

Yes, beautiful lines, aren't they, but even these have become the subject of controversy, in an admittedly 'slow news week' (!), with Amersham-based critic Roger Thomas taking up his cudgels, or his 'quills' at least (!), in the current  edition of Private Eye, to protest about the sentiments about Frank, so movingly expressed by Thribb in the previous edition, would you believe !!!!

(left) Yours Truly showcasing the current issue of political magazine Private Eye,

that "plopped" through our letterbox today, and (right) the broadside from

Amersham-based critic Roger Thomas, that's reignited the controversy - what madness!!!

What a crazy country we live in !!!!

Of course, Roger Thomas has made his name as a 'pedant', and there's a long tradition of pedantry in this country, dating back to the so-called "Pedants Revolt" of 1381 - you can even get yourself a mug commemorating the event, which is mad!

And we live not just in a crazy country, but in a crazy world too, if the Private Eye's 'special feature' on the so-called "AI tech bros" is to be believed!

What madness, isn't it! Imagine if, Elon Musk, say, were to walk into your house today, for all the world looking like a normal person and opening a non-tech conversation with you - it's the stuff of nightmares, isn't it haha !!!!!

For Lois and me, however, by contrast, this Wednesday been another busy but joyful day, with visits by two of our grandchildren, Josie (20) and Isaac (16), who have both been fleeing the chaos at their own home in nearby Headley, a house which is currently being 'infested' with builders, would you believe!

Poor them!!!!!

(above left) the home of our daughter Alison and husband Edward, currently

being renovated by builders, and (above right) our 20-year-old granddaughter Josie,

and (below) our16-year-old grandson Isaac, with his boy-girl band New Horizon

Their house is currently being renovated by builders, a-hammering and a-yammering (!) from morn till night (!), and those two young scamps Josie and Issac have sought refuge with Lois and me today - Josie in the morning to record some videos for her applications for internships with local firms, and Isaac this afternoon, to do his online video session with his Mandarin Chinese tutors - what utter utter utter madness, isn't it !!!

And Josie's and Isaac's dad, hotshot railway lawyer and company director Edward, has taken even more extreme action to get away from those builders and their hammerin' and their yammerin' !!! He's invented some obvious fabrication, some far-fetched excuse to fly to Boston - the American one (!) - for talks about a joint venture with an American railroad company, if you please!!!  A likely story, Edward! What nonsense, isn't it !!!!!

our son-in-law Edward, pictured yesterday in a Boston bar (not 'Cheers' !) with one of 

his English lawyer-pals, allegedly on a so-called 'business trip' to negotiate

a joint venture with some US railroad company. Pull the other one, Edward haha!!!

21:00 In short, it's been another crazy day for Lois and me, and nice tonight to relax with the first programme in the new series of the incredibly long-running sitcom "Not Going Out", written and masterminded by standup comedian Lee Mack, now in its 20th year.

Here's a typical scene from the series, with Lee and girlfriend entertaining friend Toby and girlfriend to a lavish dinner at their flat:

Fabulous writing, isn't it. And I'm sure that "cheapo" supermarket Lidl appreciated the "plug" - dating, of course, from those far-off days before so-called "product placement" became a bone of contention, so fair enough!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!

Tuesday September 22nd 2026 "Women, eh!!! Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em !!!!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU a woman? Or do you KNOW a woman? There are plenty around, I've discovered! Another thing is that you just can't keep women out of the news, and "in spades" !!!!

Take some of the headlines in today's Onion News - there are a few "doozies" to choose from, and this here is "Colin's Pick" (cue fanfare !!!!) !!!!

And, if nothing else, today's women-related "bombshells" bring a cheeky grin to the faces of me and my wife Lois here in semi-pastoral Liphook, Hampshire, as we take our near-daily walk, which today leads us into the trees and babbling waters of nearby Radford Park, which is nice!

my wife Lois and me this morning, as we take our near-daily walk,

today visiting, nearby, the trees and streams of semi-attractive Radford Park

And we're laughing particularly today, because we ourselves have never ever had any problem with feminism, and ours is very much 'a marriage of equals'.

I always allocate to Lois a full 50% share of both our sofa and our bed, where we spend most of our time, and why not! [That's big of you, Colin! - Ed]. Plus we know we've got a relatively easy day in front of us today, with a gentle walk in the park, an afternoon in bed, and an evening on the sofa watching the telly. So what's not to like!!!

me and my wife Lois - having one of our rare "quiet days" for once, if you please!!!!

Well, we reckon we've earned our 'quiet day' today, and "in spades" !!! 

We're both still quite tired, actually. The last 8 days have been a riot of fun, hosting our 3 grandchildren for a week while their house has been in the charge of builders, and then speeding north east to Ipswich, Suffolk for 3 days to attend the wedding of my niece Lucy. And "old codgers" though we undoubtedly be (note the subjunctive!), we let our hair down, and finished the weekend with a hectic "boogie" at the post-wedding disco. Not to mention our attendance at yesterday's "class", as members, "for our sins" (!), of retired schoolteacher Joe's U3A group "Intermediate Latin for Local Old Codgers". 

Busy busy busy!!!! 

No wonder so many of our neighbours have quietly been dubbing us "possibly Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple" - but no surprise there !!!!

a look-back at mine and Lois's crazy week: (left) our daughter Alison and husband Edward

formally handing over to our care their 3 kids Josie Isaac and Rosalind, while their

crumbling Victorian mansion in nearby Headley is being renovated - what madness!!!;

and (right) Ipswich: the Saturday wedding of my niece Lucy to her fiancee Rosanna

flashback to Saturday in Ipswich, Suffolk: my niece Lucy with new wife Rosanna, 

leading off the post-wedding disco, during which even "old codgers" Yours Truly and Lois

managed a crafty "boogie", shoulder-to-shoulder with the other guests, would you believe!!!

The Saturday wedding of Lucy and Rosanna, upstairs in the Ipswich County Library, surrounded by, like, a billion books - more probably! - was certainly a memorable experience, particularly when the celebrant ended the ceremony with the momentous words "I now pronounce you wife and wife". 

And it was fascinating for Lois and me, at the post-wedding reception, to see a chart celebrating the major milestones in the long and difficult process eventually leading to the legalising of same-sex marriages in the UK, and allowing soulmates Lucy and her Anglo-American fiancee Rosanna to "plight their troth", as people used to call it!

It all started in 2003, Lois and I learn, when the so-called "Section 28" regulations were repealed in England and Wales, and in the same year also in the USA, when, after the results of "Lawrence v. Texas", the US Supreme Court struck down any laws criminalising private consensual same-sex intimacy. 

chart depicting the major milestones of the LGBTQ movement's fight to legalise

same-sex marriages in the UK and US, ending with Lucy and Rosanna's "special day"

Certainly, Lucy and Rosanna are not going to have any feminist battles to wage in their marriage, either, seeing as how there won't even be a single (or otherwise!) man about the house, to "stick his oar in" (if I can put it like that!), that's for sure !!!!

It wasn't so simple for women 1000 years ago, however, as Lois and I learn from catching up with Sunday's edition of "Countryfile", which, for this episode, focuses on the current loan of the Bayeux Tapestry, by France, to the British Museum. 

Although the famous tapestry was woven by Anglo-Saxon women after the Norman leader William the Conqueror's successful invasion in 1066, it's notable that the 230 ft long tapestry doesn't exactly highlight the women of the time, which is a pity, to put it mildly!

That deficiency - the almost complete lack of women in the tapestry's story - is shortly going to be remedied, however, because the tapestry is currently being "recreated", a thousand years later, by a group of enthusiastic modern-day embroiderers in East Sussex. The project, started in 2024, was the idea of local Sussex resident Tina Greene, who decided to replicate the tapestry using traditional materials, as a show of friendship with the people of Normandy. More than 1200 local residents have so far contributed at least one stitch to the tapestry, which will be handed over to Normandy next year to mark the 1000th anniversary of the birth of William the Conqueror.

And perhaps the best part of the project is, that finally - finally!!! - women are going to be "photoshopped into" the tapestry, as the process might be called today! While the materials are still authentic for the time, Tina has reimagined a part of the story, stitching William's wife Matilda into the design, which is a nice idea!

Kudos, Tina !!!! And Kudos, Matilda!!!!!

After 1000 years, at last it's "Women rule OK", or, "Les femmes règnent, ok!", as they say in France haha!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!