Friday October 30th 2026 "You read it here first - yes, it's time to put a little something by for Christmas 2027 haha!!!!

Yes, Friends, I know you've got your "cookie jar" of savings for this coming Christmas, but have you started one, to run in parallel, for Christmas 2027 or Christmas 2028? If not, you'd better "get with it", before everybody else starts doing it - just saying !!!! 

And with "thriftiness" the order of the day, even market leading tabloid Onion News has today debuted its new Friday cut-out-and-throw-away "Penny-Wise Pound-Foolish Colour Supplement", which comes free with every issue, so just the "ticket" for the paper's more budget-conscious readers - no pun intended!!!  

And to save you time, here's "Colin's Pick of the Dooziest", as per usual !!!!

 

Awwww!!!! 

Perhaps a bit "OTT", isn't it (!), but these stories - and others in a similar vein - bring a glimpse of a brief smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois today, here in semi-lovely Liphook, Hampshire as we take our near-daily walk over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes Liphook United, to put it mildly!

my wife Lois and me, pictured today on our near-daily walk

over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes, Liphook United

We're spending much of today studying disaffected Roman aristocrat, Catiline, who tried to overthrow the Roman Republic in a failed "coup", back in 63BC, as part of our homework for Monday's meeting of the local U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" class, of which we're both members, "for our sins" (!!!)

us today studying Roman historian Sallust's account of a failed coup in 63BC,

when disgruntled aristocrat Catiline tried, and failed, to overthrow the Roman Republic

It turns out that Roman aristocrat Catiline, in his attempts to stage a "coup", relied heavily on the backing of a large number of Roman "brigands", who'd amassed large quantities of loot, but had then wasted it on a lot of unwise purchases, perhaps "splurging" it on overpriced "luxury items", without waiting for the January sales, maybe? Flashy "sports chariots" perhaps [Latin: curri athletici] ? 

Or plastic surgery even? After all, down the centuries, brigands have been notorious for their generally unprepossessing features (!).

Many local brigands might have suffered from the so-called "Roman Nose", and perhaps would have wanted to go for something more aesthetically pleasing and attractive, although perhaps, at the same time, "paying through the nose for it" - no pun intended!!!! at the premises of some recommended plastic surgeon [Latin: chirurgus plasticus] maybe ?

(left) a typical Roman nose (Latin: nasus Romanus) and (right) a typical plastic surgeon, 

seen here at work on somebody from his lucrative "ugly brigand" customer-base

I wonder.....!!!!

We're not given the details, but one thing's for sure: "brigands" have historically been notoriously poor at managing money, and it isn't clear what part the brigands' wives played in this debacle. In those crazy pre-feminist days, were they seduced by some expensive jewellery items or perfumes? Or overpriced fur coats maybe? I think we should be told, don't you?

Here's the relevant passage in Roman historian Sallust's account of Catiline's failed "coup" attempt:

And here's my English translation, which might be helpful, if you're not fully fluent in Intermediate Latin, that is (!).

[Catiline's supporters included] brigands of every kind, of which there were a great number in that region.... whose self-indulgence and overspending meant that they had nothing left of the great amount of loot [that they had acquired from their professional brigandry work].

But what a crazy world they lived in, back in those far-off days!!!

[That's enough whimsy! - Ed]

For Lois and me, however, our Latin homework today, is a bit of a distraction from our main obsession, which is to track the progress of our 16-year-old grandson Isaac, who's just come to the end of a 10-day study trip to China, in company with a bunch of fellow Mandarin-Chinese students from his high school here in Liphook. 

The young scamps!!!! 

In these pictures, Isaac in the one in the sun-glasses in the first photo:

flashback to last week: pictures from our 16-year-old grandson's study trip

to South China, with a group of fellow-students from our local high-school 

here in Liphook, all studying Mandarin Chinese for one of their A-Levels

All things must come to an end, however, and Isaac's group of young "scallies" are heading home today, on a South China Airlines flight from some crazy place called "Guangzou", which Lois and I had never heard of (!), due to land at London's Heathrow Airport in the early evening, in time for Isaac to sit down with his mum and dad - our daughter Alison and husband Edward - and watch tonight's TV "Celebrity Traitors" final, or some-such nonsense!!!

Isaac's mum, our daughter Alison, had texted me early today - at 6:13 am, would you believe (!) - to tell us that his plane had taken off. And by 11:14 am the plane had cleared Mongolia and was over Russia, somewhere between so-called "Tomsk" and "Novosibirsk". And by the end of the afternoon, when Lois and I were just staggering out of bed at the end of "statutory nap-time", the plane was crossing the Danish-German border region, which is totally mad!!!

And by 6:30 pm, when we were eating our "tea" - a collection of leftovers, or, in other words, "a bits-and-pieces meal", as we've dubbed it (!), Isaac had arrived, and was getting on the school bus taking him back to Liphook, where his mum and dad would have been picking him up and taking him home to nearby Headley.

Lois and me tonight, enjoying a "bits-and-pieces" tea, as the plane carrying

our grandson Isaac and his group home from China, lands at London's Heathrow Airport

Lois and I have provisionally invited Isaac, together with his mum and dad Alison and Edward, to have tea with us here on Sunday evening, so that we can hear more about the young scamp's Oriental Adventures, although fully aware that he may be feeling a bit jaded after his experiences and the long flight, and also preparing for school on Monday, maybe? 

I remember how I myself felt back in 1971, totally exhausted, after my 14 hour flight, with a stop at Moscow, at the end of my study trip - a year at a university in Tokyo, to be met, thankfully (!), by Lois and my then 13-year-old "baby sister", Jill; also by my dear late Dad, who drove us all home to Oxford. 

And I think you can see the exhaustion, together with the relief, on my face, to put it mildly!!!!

(left) 1971: the photo I took from the plane near the end of my Tokyo to London flight, with first

sighting of the River Thames at London, and (right) me, exhausted, but very happy

to be greeted by Lois, with my 'baby sister' Jill, and my dad, who whisked us all home to Oxford

Happy days!!!!

21:00 And later, an Instagram post reveals, that, yet again (!), Lois and I have missed out on the Grandparents' Day bingo at the school in the northern suburbs of Perth, Australia, where two of our  other grandchildren attend, our other daughter Sarah's 13-year-old twin daughters Lily and Jessica.

the annual Grandparents Day bingo at the school in Perth, Australia,

where 2 of our other grandchildren, our daughter Sarah's 13-year-old

twins Lily and Jessica

I'd have sent our regrets to the school principal, Mr Pree, who took a turn at being this year's bingo-caller at the event (see picture above!), but I think Adrian knows how much Lois and I are so "snowed under" with our busy to-do-lists at the moment, so hopefully he'll forgive us. 

Next year perhaps!!!

[That's enough grandchildren news! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!

Thursday October 29th 2026 "Friends, do YOU always pick out a 'favourite nurse' whenever YOU spend time in hospital?"

Yes, Friends, when YOU  have to spend time in hospital, do YOU always have a 'special favourite' amongst the phalanxes of nurses who tend you? Most of us do, don't we!

And with winter drawing on, and more and more people are visiting hospitals, Onion News have today debuted their special weekly "Nurse News Supplement", which comes free as a "pull-out-and-throw-away 'add-on'" to their regular Thursday print edition, which is nice!

And today's has some real "doozies" - here's "Colin's pick of today's 'dooziest' " !!!!!

It's all a bit "over-the-top", isn't it! Nevertheless, these headlines (and others in the same vein!) bring a spooky smile to the mouths of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-rural Liphook, Hampshire - and that's a "given" !!!!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

Today, "nurses" are very much on our minds, because today is the fortnightly online meeting of the local U3A "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" group, which we lead, "for our sins" (!),,

And in the Danish crime novel that our little group is reading, "Judaskysset" ('The Judas Kiss') by Danish crime writer Anna Grue, our hero amateur detective Dan Sommerdahl is having to spend some time in a Danish hospital, after cornering a Danish "romance scammer" and getting "roughed up" by him - for his pains!  

The young scamp!!!!

Remind us never to check into a Danish hospital, next time Lois and I get 'roughed up' in Copenhagen (!). The nurses there are really no-nonsense types, to put it mildly! 

As you see in the extract above, if you speak Intermediate Danish, poor Dan is dying for a "pee", and needs help getting to the toilet. However, the nurse is busy just at that moment and tells him to wait till tomorrow [Danish: vent lige til i morgen]. What madness, isn't it !!!!!

a typical toilet in an average hospital

That kind of strict toilet regime wouldn't do for Lois and me, to put it mildly!  As fully paid-up "old codgers" ourselves, we have to visit the loo several times, day and night, which is annoying!

And it's also a bit worrying when we suddenly remember that next month we have to spend the night in our daughter Alison's house in nearby Headley, a crumbling Victorian mansion built for one of Queen Victoria's vice-admirals. The mansion is currently being renovated by builders, and you have to walk, like, a billion miles - more probably! - to get to the only one of the house's 5 bathrooms that's available to use, which is mad!

(left_ "Sorry you can't go inside yet, mate!" - builders denying entry to the house's owners,

our daughter Alison and family, for 18 months, on grounds of "health and safety" 

which is crazy (!), and (right) the rude shepherd's hut in the mansion's lovely 

7.5 acre grounds, where the family has been "skulking" in recent weeks. What madness!!!!

However, fortunately perhaps (!), Lois and I simply haven't got time to worry about our future 'night toiletting arrangements' today, to put it mildly! We're far too busy again - no surprise there! Lois has a morning appointment with young Anna, her stylist, and somehow we've got to find time to drop by her urine sample (Lois's, not Anna's !!!) at our local NHS doctor's surgery, which is mad!

our crazy morning - (above) Lois's appointment with Anna, her stylist, and (below)

somehow finding time to drop Lois's urine sample off at our local NHS doctor's surgery,

and having to wait in the queue behind another 'old codger' - busy busy busy!!!

Fortunately, there's an "island of calm" in the "stormy seas" of our frantic morning (!), when we take the time to walk over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes, Liphook United, currently languishing somewhere just above the "relegation zone" of the prestigious East Hampshire Premier League table - and check out which shirts "the lads" will be wearing next Saturday for their needle match against rivals US Portsmouth.

Yes, after their promising start to the season, back in September, when they briefly hit the heights of the table's "Top 7", they've been drifting inexorably down to towards the table's more familiar "relegation zone", which Lois and I, although no experts (!), think personally that "the Liphook lads" or "The Boys In Blue" - whatever you want to call them - feel genuinely more comfortable!

Certainly, their recent results speak for themselves! And today I can exclusively reveal that "all is not lost" as regards the 2026-2027 season. After a 4-0 drubbing last month by AFC Shirley, "the lads" managed to lose by a much smaller margin, at home to Southsea Sports, which augurs well for the future, to put it mildly!!!

Go "The Lads" !!!!!!

17:00 And after a much curtailed post-lunch session in bed for "statutory nap-time", followed by 90 minutes trying to control another rowdy online meeting of the local U3A "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers", Lois and I even find time to prepare for Monday's meeting of local man Joe's U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, of which both Lois and I are members, again "for our (multiple) sins" (!!!) [Latin: pro peccatis nostris!!!].

us this tea-time, exhausted from controlling another rowdy online meeting of the 

local U3A "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" group, which we lead,

and somehow managing to squeeze in an hour's preparation for Monday's

in-person meeting of local man Joe's "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group

- what madness, isn't it !!!!!

It's actually quite tricky, juggling two languages  - Danish and Latin - and not getting them mixed up, and thereby embarrassing ourselves! 

Lois and I first became semi-fluent in Intermediate Danish some years ago, when our daughter Alison was spending the years 2012-2018 in Copenhagen, with husband Edward, and their 3 offspring Josie, Rosalind and Isaac, and we visited the family there on several occasions, and for instance, actually "baby-sat" for the family, on one weekend, when Ali and Edward were away in Hong Kong.

flashback to 2017: Lois and I 'babysit' our 3 grandchildren in Copenhagen,

while their parents - our daughter Alison and husband Edward - were in Hong Kong:

(left) us in the family home and (right) taking them to the local International School

And "little" Rosalind (standing in the first picture) is now 18, would you believe (!), and has, last month, started a degree course at UCL London, in international relations, but with a "minor" in Danish. She'll get a study year in Denmark 2027-28, and Lois and I are hoping to be able to visit her there during that time. 

We'll have to remember to speak Danish, and not get confused and come out with Latin, because this might puzzle some of the Danes we meet, who, after all, might not be expecting that! After all, Denmark was, famously, and unlike Britain, never conquered by the Romans, so there's not even an ancestral "folk memory" of Latin there, we're guessing! 

The Roman Empire in 117 AD, at its greatest extent,

with (ringed) Denmark (ringed), famously "left out in the cold", 

not just metaphorically but also physically (!)  - poor Denmark!!!!

The two languages are, in fact, very different, to put it mildly! And if you want proof, just compare these two versions of a key phrase in any tourist's phrase book: "I've lost all my money, please direct me to the British Embassy!", and see if YOU can work out which is the Latin equivalent, and which is the Danish. Go on, try it - it's a lot of fun haha!!! 

Version 1: Omnem pecuniam meam amisi. Quaeso, indica mihi viam ad Legationem Britannicam.

Version 2: Jeg har mistet alle mine penge. Kan du vise mig vej til den britiske ambassade?

Bit of a "head-scratcher", isn't it haha !!!!  Help is at hand, however, because the correct answer will be in my "Colin's blog" tomorrow, by the way - so watch this space!!!!!

Yours Truly, already working on my blog for tomorrow, would you believe,

with some predictive AI-generated "pseudo-events", already "in the works" (!)

However, for Lois and me, the big question is..... will being "multi-lingual" - i.e. semi-fluent in at least 3 languages, including our mother tongue, "Intermediate English", make us more sexually attractive? Will we "turn heads" when surrounded by a peer group of other "old codgers", say?

Probably not, to hear comedian Jack Benny's rebuke of German sexpot Elke Sommer, who told him she thought the fact that she spoke 4 languages was much more important than her physical appearance.

I wonder.....!

[That's enough whimsy! - Ed]

20:00 What a crazy day Lois and I have had, all in all !!!

Well, Denmark may have had a cold past, "frozen out" by the Romans, and not allowed to join their precious "Empire" (!).

But BIG QUESTION COMING UP!!! Is the world, as a whole, facing an icy future, with the spread of the dreaded AI (Artificial Intelligence), and its terrible cousin - superintelligence machines - into every corner of our lives?

Luckily, tonight, we can find out the truth,  in the capable hands of the BBC's "go-to" mathematician and "science pundit", Hannah Fry, no less!!!!

Luckily, Fry doesn't believe predictions that Superintelligence Machines will seek to wipe out humanity, leaving the world to themselves. She says that, by making these predictions, we're simply importing 'human characteristics onto AI that has no conception of such motives.

"I think, when you hear concerns like 'AI is going to take over world, is going to destroy humanity', it's really easy to impart human-like characteristics to artificial intelligence."

The real challenge for science, she says, is the struggle to understand our own, incredibly complex, human minds - an endeavour in which we've hardly even begun. "What's really clear", she says, "from talking to the AI developers, is that, when it comes to actual biological brains, they are on a completely different level of computation, of complexity, of structure, everything."

Even analysing a worm's brain, or even a mouse's brain, is still difficult, and seems almost impossible, Hannah reminds us! We can still only map a fraction of even a mouse's brain.

Fascinating stuff, though, isn't it!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!

Wednesday October 28th 2026 "The 'world of art', eh! Never as 'idyllic' as we want it to be, is it!!!!"

Yes, Friends, we so-called 'world of art' - we want it to be an idyllic island in this world of troubles, but it so rarely fulfils that promise. There's always something turbulent going on in it, which is mad! Have YOU noticed?!!!

Even Onion News is now bringing out a special weekly pull-out-and-throw-away Art World Colour Supplement, free with their normal paper every Wednesday, which is crazy !!!!

And if you're too busy to look at it, here's a quick sample of this week's top stories -  a couple of real "doozies" !!!!

It's all a bit mad, really, if I'm honest! But these shock headlines at least bring a fleeting grin to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, so all is not lost haha!!!!

my wife Lois and me, pictured today on our near-daily walk

over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes, Liphook United

As long-term "art buffs" it was always an ambition of ours to spend "30 minutes of squelching" through top artist Claude Monet's famous garden at Giverny in Northern France, but we were always somehow "too busy", which was a pity, but today at least we hear that my "baby sister" Jill in Ipswich, Suffolk - now 68 years of age, would you believe! - has somehow found the time to do it on her recent 4-day break to the near Continent, which is some consolation!

By contrast, Lois and I, although retired now for 20 years (which is mad!), can scarcely spare the time out of our hectic daily schedule to do our "30 minutes of squelching" on the hallowed (but muddy, and much nearer (!)) turf of East Hampshire Premier League soccer giants Liphook United , which is crazy!

contrast: (above) my "baby sister Jill's stroll through top artist Claude Monet's garden 

in France last week, and (below) Lois and me, hurrying over the 'hallowed turf'

of local soccer heroes Liphook United, pausing briefly to watch the antics of

"the young housewives of Liphook" doing their stretches in the car-park. What madness!!!

"But why are you and Lois always so busy, Colin?", I hear you cry!

And my answer? It's simply that yes, maybe we have taken on perhaps more responsibilities than we'd like to have done, ideally, but in a way, we relish the "buzz" of it all, and strangely enjoy feeling our juices flowing, as we "cross off", one by one, all the duties on one of our typically overflowing "to do lists", which is invigorating at our age, we find! 

Call us "overachievers" if you like - but to us, that's a compliment, would you believe!

[Get on with it! - Ed]

a typical couple working on formulating a to-do-list

And top of our busy agenda today is preparing for next Monday's Latin class, which is mad! "For our sins" (!), we're both members of local man Joe's U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, and currently we and our fellow group members are all reading about the Trojan War in the pages of top Roman poet Vergil's epic poem, The Aeneid.

Lois and me this morning, at our kitchen table, studying epic poem "The Aeneid",

- top Roman poet Vergil's account of the Trojan War - busy busy busy!!!!!

We've got to an exciting point in the story. The Greek army, after 10 years of besieging the city of Troy without success, have decided to construct a massive Wooden Horse which they place outside the city gates, hoping that the Trojans will wheel it inside their city, out of curiosity if nothing else. The twist is, however, that the Wooden Horse is packed with hidden Greek soldiers, who, once inside the city, will creep out in the dead of night, and open up the gates to their comrades, thus enabling Troy to be captured.

Those wily Trojans, however, are suspicious, so the Greek Army pretends to sail home to Greece, but leaving behind one of their top  "seccret agents", a master-spy called Sinon, who deliberately gets himself captured by local shepherds. The shepherds don't know what to do with him, so they take Sinon into the city to meet Trojan king, Priam, no less! Sinon's job is, then, to gain the confidence of the Trojans and persuade them that the Wooden Horse isn't a trick, and that it'll be quite okay for them to wheel the Horse into the city, and the rest is history!

top Greek secret agent Sinon persuading the Trojans that

the Wooden Horse is nothing to be afraid of, and that they should

wheel it into their city. The trick works, and later, the city falls to the Greeks

At first the Trojans are suspicious of Sinon, but he wins them over by pretending to be a 'lost soul', rejected by his fellow Greeks, who've all supposedly gone home to Greece, and saying that now he's fully expecting the Trojans to want him put him to death, which would be a pity! 

"Alas, what land, what seas are going to welcome me now!", Sinon laments. "What's left for poor me, now! There's no place for me, any more, among the Greeks, and now, our enemies, the Trojans. are demanding my blood!". 

This is just mine and Lois's "unofficial" translation, so not necessarily completely accurate. However,  if YOU know any Intermediate Latin, why not send me YOUR version - postcards only, don't forget!!!

Poor Sinon!!! And unfortunately, "Poor Sinon!!!!" is, also, exactly what those soft-hearted, but gullible, Trojans say also - the saps!!!!! Trusting in Sinon's words, they wheel the Wooden Horse into their city, and the Greek soldiers, concealed inside it, creep out at dead of night and let the Greek Army into the city - end of story!!!!!

Did Sinon later get a Greek medal of honour for his part in the Greek victory? The Latin text doesn't say, but I definitely think we should be told, don't you!

Luckily, that nice Mr Google at least has the complete story about Sinon's daring exploit, which is fortunate!

What a crazy world they lived in, back in those far-off days!!!!

And pulling the Wooden Horse into the city wasn't too difficult, as the Greeks had thoughtfully installed it on wheels, to take some of the sheer mind-blowing effort of the job, which was nice!

And what a great invention wheels were! Historians believ that they were invented around 3,500BC on the plains of Eurasia. And how fortunate that the Greeks had thought to put wheels on their Wooden Horse, which made it so much easier and more tempting for the poor Trojans to pull it into their doomed city, which was such a relief !!!

the Trojans "wheeling" the Wooden Horse into their city

However, tonight, Lois and I hear about a priest who had wheels put on his pulpit, would you believe! It sounds mad, but  the idea was that the priest could be wheeled round his big cathedral to wake up any parishioners who had fallen asleep during one of his long sermons, which sometimes lasted as long as 4 hours. Then, having woken them, he used to give them "a right bollocking", which was only what they deserved. Be fair!!!!

Yes, step forward, classic writer Jonathan Swift, author of "Gulliver's Travels", and, also, Dean of Ireland's biggest cathedral, St Patrick's in Dublin, no less!!!

(left) Jonathan Swift, author of "Gulliver's Travels", and also Dean of Ireland's

biggest cathdral St Patrick's,  and (right) the wheeled pulpit he had had made, 

so he could be wheeled round the cathedral to wake up any of his parishioners

who had fallen asleep during one of his long sermons - what madness!!!!

It's amazing to think that this august churchman - Jonathan Swift (1667-1745) - was also the author of a book like "Gulliver's Travels", so full of bodily functions such as defecation, urination and all sorts of sexy "goings-on", which was mad!

And Lois and I are hearing all about this madness tonight, as we settle down on the sofa to hear the latest programme in BBC Radio 4's week-long celebration this week of the 300th anniversary of the 1726 publication of Swift's "Gulliver's Travels", 

Swift's classic is still being celebrated as a master satire, attacking the corrupt politicians of the time, but also criticising the follies of religion, which was weird for a dean in the Irish Church. He famously compared the differences between Protestantism and Catholicism to be as about as important as "opening a boiled egg at the big end or at the little end" - an argument that famously led to a war in Swift's fictional kingdom of Lilliput. 

the "Egg War" - sparked by a controversy about

the right way to open up a boiled egg

However, what caused the biggest controversy that Swift quickly became embroiled in, was not his theology, but his "scatology", that is, with his book's frequent, and detailed accounts of defecation, urination and various sexy "goings-on". 

And the book was described as "filthy in thought, filthy in word, raging, furious and obscene", as the later Victorian writer William Thackeray described it. Oh dear! The Victorians really didn't like "Gulliver's Travels" !!!!

the 1887 Victorian edition of Gulliver's Travels, described by

writer William Thackeray as "filthy in thought, filthy in word, 

raging, furious and obscene" - oh dear !!!

Whatever events are happening in the story of Gulliver, tonight's presenter Hislop says, you always know that somebody is going to start defecating, at one point or another, which is mad! 

"Turds are always just around the corner", Hislop laments! And Swift always gives the reader plenty of detail in his descriptions of the defecations - it's thought to be Swift's parody of Defoe's Robinson Crusoe, published a few years earlier, in which defecation takes place, but without any detail given, perhaps unsurprisingly (!).

Presenter Hislop explains that Swift was, above all, concerned to show that human beings are animals, and that if we think that we are only rational beings then we're mistaken. The rational and the animal are all part of the same whole - something which Swift always found irresistibly funny. 

There's also lots of sexy goings-on in the story, especially when it comes to the lustful, and unnaturally huge Brobdingnagian giantesses, who shove poor Gulliver into their cleavages, or even into other, more intimate parts of their anatomy (!). There's the enormous Farmer's Wife, whom Gulliver observes breast-feeding her enormous baby, and the "maidens of honour" who frequently strip Gulliver naked, set him astride their nipples, and who "handle him in playful and humiliating ways, that leave him feeling emasculated, and horrified by their raw, physical proximity" (!).

A tint Gulliver becomes the plaything of 

the "maids of honour" of Lorbulgrud.

Poor Gulliver!!!!

Again Swift is basically trying to represent some of the realities of human life, and being careful never to idealise things in life that aren't wholly ideal, perhaps to keep us "grounded", as Swift definitely  wouldn't have put it, in the no-nonsense English of those crazy, far-off days!!!!

Fascinating stuff, though, isn't it!!!

And so to bed.....!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzz!!!!!