Thursday July 30th 2026 "Are YOU going home to mate this year, but secretly dreading all the 'hoopla', as young people say these days!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU going home to mate this year, but secretly dreading all the 'hoop-la', as young people say today? (!)

One local Canada goose has the answer, according to today's Onion News, so turn to page 94 before you finalise YOUR plans this year!!!

Kudos, that goose!

Reading that story about that clever young goose 'thinking outside the box', however, (or should I say 'thinking outside the V' (?) [No! - Ed] brings a weak smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, here in semi-avian Liphook, Hampshire, that's for sure, as we take a moderately cautious 'morning walk' over the 'hallowed turf' of local soccer giants Liphook United, that's for sure!

There's not very much so-called 'turf' around, after the umpteenth week of the current heatwave, unfortunately! And we're treading carefully, so as not to start any fires and anger the parish council, would you believe! 

However, on the 'plus' side,  Lois seizes the opportunity to perform the official opening of the town's 'blackberry-picking season', while Yours Truly, not to be outdone (!), updates himself with the latest pictures of what, in my warning letters to the council, I've labelled "a potential trial landing-strip for alien spacecraft", near the local soccer heroes' 'hallowed club-house' (see our latest pics below!!!!)

(above) us on our morning walk today over local soccer heroes Liphook United's

"hallowed turf", treading carefully so as not to anger the parish council,

with Lois debuting this year's blackberry-picking season, and me, not to be outdone,

preparing a report on another potential "landing-strip for alien spacecraft"

Busy busy busy!!!!!

Lois and I are out early today, at 9 am would you believe, so as to make use of the last hour of coolness before another 'skorchio' day, as the Spanish call it, right here in East Hampshire, of all places!

We're also taking the time to plan another day of idleness to follow the walk, as recommended by that local Canada goose (!), just doing the minimum to stay cool, ending up in bed after lunch again, as usual, but not in our usual 'stamping ground', if that's the right expression (!). [No! - Ed]

Yes, today we're debuting use of our guest double bed as our new venue for afternoon sessions. It's 6 inches narrower than our usual bed, at 4'6", but it otherwise makes perfect sense, because it's located in our main guest-room, in the cooler 'backside' of our house, so is sure to offer a more restful surroundings for 'statutory nap-time'.

And don't worry, we haven't got any actual guests staying with us at the moment, so we won't be treading on anybody's toes (or should I say 'bedding' on anybody's toes?!) [No! - Ed], which is probably for the best!!!!

[Is that all you two 'noggins' have done today, Colin? - Ed]

Well, absolutely not, seeing as how you're obviously interested! We also somehow find time, in the cool of the evening, to binge-watch more episodes from the recent Canadian TV series 'Schitt's Creek', the riches-to-rags story of billionaire businessman Johnny Rose, cheated out of his fortune by a crooked business associate.  

Poor Johnny (now "poor" in the both the figurative and financial sense!!!!) is forced out of his billionaire mansion, and is having to rent a couple of rooms in a seedy motel in the backwoods town of Schitt's Creek, one room for himself and his wife Moira, a washed-up former daytime soap star, plus a second room for the couple's two useless grown-up kids, David and Alexis.

Schitt's Creek, a town which Johnny had bought a few years previously as a joke, is now providing a much-needed refuge for this unfortunate family, and it has turned out to be extremely useful in 'tiding the family over' until they can recover their fortune, to put it mildly!

In one of tonight's episodes, the Rose family's useless grown-up son David, who's serving in the town's tiny general store, confronts a potential robber, who walks into the store early one morning, when only David and his associate Stevie are around.

Sounds like a reasonable request for any robber to make to an assistant in a general store (!), but oh no, the rather negative David just reacts by making difficulties - oh dear!

And when the robber protests that he's simply robbing the store, David comes up with yet another problem, which is a bit negative, perhaps, but, again, so typical of the useless David!

Darn it, that IS unfortunate!

Luckily, in the end, David, together with his associate, Stevie, come up with a solution, and the satisfied robber goes away with a small, but stylish, cloth 'tote-bag' containing everything the robber might need for a picnic, say, or for an intimate evening with his current "squeeze", or whatever, which is heart-warming, to put it mildly!

And the ever-thoughtful Stevie even throws in some popular pharmaceuticals, which is a nice touch!

Eventually the robber's small bag is ready to go, and the poor guy can at last leave the store. He's got other places to rob today, apparently, so fair enough!

Fascinating stuff, isn't it! And a characterful insight into the simple life of a seedy, backwoods town, which is not only heart-warming, but also, somehow, life-affirming at the same time, which is nice!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!

Wednesday July 29th 2026 "Puzzled what to do is this searing heat-wave? The good old Met Office has the answer at last!"

Yes, Friends, after dithering for years about what advice to give out during the modern heat-waves, the good old Met Office has at last figured out something very practical, according to this morning's Onion News, which comes as something of a relief! 

Kudos, those guys! 

At last, some Met Office advice that's supremely practical, which makes a change! And reading the guidelines this afternoon in our copy of Onion News, here in semi-tropical Liphook, Hampshire brings a sweaty smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois - no question about that!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

We've even got some supplementary advice to offer the Met Office, if they're reading this, and certainly we all need advice when you look at the actual high temperature measured here in Liphook this afternoon - 93F (34C), would you believe!

What madness, isn't it!!!!

"But what's YOUR advice for local Brits, Colin?", I hear you cry!

Well, seeing as how you're obviously interested (!), Colin says, "Stay indoors, "hunker down" and don't do anything very much!" - advice which Lois and I ourselves are following to the letter today, that's for sure!

With a pedestal fan next to the sofa for the morning and evening, and one next to our bed for afternoon "statutory nap-time", we're fully "set up" for the day, no worries haha!!!

(left) our two most powerful pedestal fans, one at head-level for the sofa

and (right) at bed-level for the afternoons - what could be easier !!!!!

Simples, isn't it !!!

Call us "hot-headed hedonists" if you like, but only if you can say it without getting all "steamed up", as young people say nowadays haha!!!!

Well, Lois and I ARE retired, so I think we've earned our current life of leisure!

[I'd just like to see some hard evidence, anything in writing, to corroborate  your claims about your so-called 'earning process' Colin! - Ed]

However, just compare the life of our daughter Alison, just over the county line in Churt, Surrey - compare, and weep!!! Alison and her family are renting a house there, while their real home, a crumbling Victorian mansion in Headley, is being refurbished, although, thankfully, the refurbishment work is at last in its final stages. So, for them, it's all "busy busy busy", no doubt about that!

(above) our daughter Alison, with husband Edward and their 3 teenage kids,

seen on their recent holiday in Spain, and (below, left) their crumbling Victorian

mansion in Headley, Hampshire, with (below, right) their temporary rental

home just over the county line in Churt, Surrey, which Lois and I were "keeping an eye on"

"So, all well and good", you might say! 

However, the fact is that the increasingly frequent, regular meetings with the family's builders are becoming a constant irritant, to put it mildly! As if Ali and husband Edward haven't got enough to do, what with Edward's busy 'London lawyer' job, and the couple's 3 very active teenage kids to drive to this and that, plus two cats and two dogs and a bunch of tropical fish, with at least one of them needing to be driven to the vet's (the pets, not the kids!!!). But what madness, isn't it!!!

And what a week they've been having already, to judge from Alison's latest whatsapp text (extract)!

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

Thankfully, however, when night falls, Lois and I can recover some sanity, binge-watching more latest episodes in the long-running Canadian series "Schitt's Creek": the "riches-to-rags" story about a billionaire couple, Johnny and Moira Rose, who lose their fortune thanks to a crooked business associate, and are forced to rent 2 rooms in a seedy motel in the backwoods town of Schitt's Creek, with their useless grown up kids, David and Alexis.

the Roses - Johnny an ex-billionaire down on his luck, with

wife Moira and useless grown-up kids David and Alexis

Tonight's episode focuses on the romantic problems of the Rose family's two useless grown-up kids, David and Alexis. David's affair with co-worker Patrick is in deep trouble, and Alexis's fling with town vet Ted has also run aground after veterinarian Ted falls for one of his middle-aged "cat ladies", which is a pity!

In this scene, Alexis gets a "match" message from a new dating app, when she is in the bathroom of their motel room. And her brother David, who is still in bed, picks up her phone for her.

Yes, this particular dating app is called "Bumpkin", which sounds a bit random, but it turns out that, according to Alexis, there's a good reason for its somewhat quirky name !!!!

Alexis is impatient for David to hand over her phone, again for a good reason, because the app is saying that she "has a new match", which is exciting! For the moment, however, her brother David is hanging on to the phone, much to his sister's annoyance!

There's a problem, however, because Alexis's old beau, Ted, is also a vet, and it seems that Miguel, her new potential beau, being also a vet, is actually the only other vet in town, and Schitt's Creek is a painfully small town! Need I say more?  

Uh oh !!!

David, however, remains sceptical that somebody like Miguel would want to 'hook up' with a girl like his sister Alexis.

This is all very annoying to David, who's going through a painful break-up with his own current "squeeze", co-worker Patrick, and David wastes no time in underlining that fact to Alexis, and in no uncertain terms!

Oops, yes, don't leave out the "wink emoji" haha!

Kids today, honestly!!!!

But poor David!!!!

Fascinating stuff, though, isn't it!

[If you say so! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!!