Sunday May 31st 2026 "Oops! Have YOU heard today's shock news from Croatia?"

Yes, Friends, have YOU heard today's shock news from Croatia? 

Poor Zoran! 

The story's dominating the front page of all the papers today, isn't it, but in my humble opinion, the Onion News version (see report above) has the best angle on it, with that 'money shot' of the Prime Minister's soles, which I sadly can't reproduce for copyright reasons!

Zoran's latest half-arsed antics spell a bit of welcome light relief, however, bringing a kind of a half-twisted smile to the lips of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-leaf-covered Liphook, Hampshire - no question about that!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

We're laughing because, by complete coincidence, we've been hearing all about Croatia at Lois's church's Sunday Morning Meeting today, at a village hall outside nearby Petersfield, from our friend and fellow-church-member, noted archaeologist Grahame, friend of TV's Alice Roberts and Raksha Dave, would you believe! Grahame, a Roman history specialist, has just returned from Croatia, no doubt from one of his so-called 'digs' (!). 

(left)  Grahame, at nearby Roman Silchester: the BBC refused to pay for Roman specialist 

Grahame's dental treatment although they paid for rival archaeologist Prof Alice Roberts' 

dental work - see her lovely smile-to-camera, as she digs up a Roman villa at Kettering (right)

Yes, not many people know it, but Croatia was once part of the Roman Empire, which seems mad, doesn't it !!! And Grahame is complaining that, when he flew back to the UK last week, the temperature here was actually hotter here in the UK (!), than it was on the sun-kissed Mediterranean beaches of that faraway country, which speaks volumes!!!!

(above) Lois and me at this today's Sunday Morning Meeting - behind us the legs

of Roman archaeology specialist Grahame, who's being "buttonholed" by Glenys,

wife of Chief Elder Richard, and (below) a schematic showing popular holiday destination 

Croatia, once part of the Roman province of 'Dalmatia', which is totally mad!!!!

After the meeting, Grahame pays my wife Lois a massive complement on her youthful appearance, which is nice. During the meeting Chief Elder Richard had tipped off the congregation that 'our sister Lois is about to have a significant birthday this week', which Grahame had interpreted as meaning she was nearing the biblical 'three score years and ten', i.e. 70, but Lois laughingly corrects him - revealing she'll actually this week be turning 'three score years and ten, then add another ten', which is mad too!

You do the maths haha !!!!

Lois and I would have liked to have heard more from Grahame, this morning about the latest Roman archaeological finds in Croatia, but the talk quickly turns to more mundane subjects: 'acid refluxes', would you believe! 

Poor Lois had had a rare acid reflux attack during the Preacher's 'exhortation' this morning, and I had had to sneak out to the kitchen to get her a glass of water, but Grahame tells us that he too is a sufferer, and he recommends so-called 'Gaviscon' (!), every day, just to stave it off. What madness!!!

During this friendly 'Your illnesses tonight' banter (!) between Lois and Graham, I keep quiet, perhaps wisely (!), about my own medical 'good news story' of the week. A routine NHS blood test that I took a couple of weeks ago, had indicated that I might be 'pre-Type 2 diabetic', which would have meant me cutting down on chocolates and marmalade etc (Oh nooooo!!!!!), but that result could have been affected (I claim!!!) by my spring COVID jab the previous day. And I've apparently been proved right, because, happily, a second test, done this week, seems to have disproved that initial diagnosis, which is nice! 

So bring on the chocolate again haha !!!!!

Your personal views, however, are welcome, as always - especially if you're a healthcare professional, but even if you aren't haha - but please self-identify one or the other, with documentation if necessary !!!! But postcards only, please!!! I need a 60-page technical report with diagrams etc like I need a hole in the head haha !!!!!

[That's enough haha's !!!! - Ed]

12:30 Lois and I return home from the meeting, and after a rushed lunch, we hurry up to bed for 'statutory nap time' - just a 'quickie' today, because we're expecting a visit at 3pm from our daughter Alison, who lives with husband Edward and her 3 teenage kids about 10 miles away, over the county line, in nearby Churt, Surrey.

(left) we arrive home, and Lois, still wearing her 'meeting hat' (!), finds time to showcase

a white poppy that's "popped up" [no pun intended!!!] in our tiny front garden during 

our absence this morning, which is nice! Then, there's just time for a rushed lunch,

and an hour in bed, before (right) we welcome our lovely daughter Alison, here for a quick visit!

Busy busy busy!!!!

Our daughter Alison has just finished our weekly tennis lesson with her 'coach' at the tennis courts at the nearby home ground and 'hallowed turf' of local soccer heroes Liphook United, and so Alison very much welcomes the cup of tea I provide to her chair-side table, just in front of our TV (see picture above, right!). 

the tennis courts, adjacent to the 'hallowed turf' of local soccer heroes,

Liphook United, this year once more triumphantly avoiding relegation from

the prestigious East Hampshire Premier League (senior division), which is good news!

Alison, and husband Edward, are having a tough day themselves, also, not just having to cope with their weekly tennis lessons today, but also doing yet more punishing 'maintenance' work in the 5.5 acre grounds of their 'crumbling Victorian Mansion' in nearby Headley. The family is currently 'managing' two houses at the moment - their own 'crumbling mansion' in Headley is currently being slightly "uncrumbled", slightly (!), by builders doing a massive refurbishment job, so isn't really 'liveable in', at present.  

Meanwhile, therefore, the family has 'retreated' to a slightly smaller (!) Swedish-owned rental home in Churt, where they've been living for about 18 months or so, although they're hoping to move back into their own home in September, fingers crossed!!!!

(left) Lois showcasing our daughter Alison and family's crumbling Victorian mansion 

in Headley, and (right) the smaller, Swedish-owned house in Churt, which the family is renting

while their own 'crumbling mansion' (left) is being 'uncrumbled' (slightly!) by builders 

doing a massive refurbishment job - what madness, though, isn't it !!!!!

The family's 'crumbling mansion' was originally built back in the 1870's for one of Queen Victoria's vice-admirals John Parish, and Alison, despite her busy busy busy life-style, is somehow finding time to do some research on the history of the house, which is totally mad!

And when Lois and I, in a couple of months' time, visit Greenwich, by the River Thames in London, Alison is hoping to join us, to check what records there are available there, relating to Vice-Admiral John Parish at the Royal Maritime Museum. 

the Royal Maritime Museum, Greenwich, on the banks of the Thames,

with the modern skyscrapers of central London 'towering' (no pun intended!!!)

in the background - yikes !!!!

Lois and I ourselves will be visiting Greenwich in July because our other daughter Sarah and family will be staying with us for 3 weeks, flying into London from their home in Perth, Australia. And Sarah and husband Francis's 12-year-old twin daughters, Lily and Jessica, the 'little monkeys' (!), have expressed a desire to look over the 19th century sailing ship the Cutty Sark, which is also moored at Greenwich. 

flashback to December 2004: 15 months before we retired, Lois and I,

on a lightning trip to London, somehow finding time to visit the 

19th century sailing ship the Cutty Sark, moored at Greenwich

That's in addition to the all the other things on the twins' 'shopping list', which also includes the Harry Potter World at Watford, and, like a billion other attractions - more probably (!) - which Lois and I are very much looking forward to showing them during their time with us.

The family is currently able to visit us every year from Perth, because Sarah, an accountant, is in fact doing two jobs - her job in Perth, and also her old job in Evesham UK, which she's still somehow finding time to manage to do, online!!!! What a crazy world we live in!!!!

flashback to last summer: Lois, with our daughter Sarah, Sarah's husband

Francis and their 12-year-old twin daughters Lily and Jessica in London, during

what we're hoping will become an annual visit here, from their home in Perth, Australia

By coincidence, Lois and I should have been talking to Sarah and family at lunchtime today - we have a weekly 'catch-up' video call with them at 1:30 pm BST (British Summer Time), which is 8.30 pm Western Australia time. 

However earlier today, Sarah texted us to say that, over there in Perth, their power is out today following a massive storm, and may not be restored till late tomorrow (Monday). Hopefully we'll be able to talk to them tomorrow lunchtime. 

Lois and I aren't too surprised by this news, because, since yesterday, we've been following the progress of the storm on social media.

Yikes!

Imagine that! Perth getting all the nasty weather, while we Brits have been sweltering in the hottest May temperatures ever! 

What a crazy planet we live on !!!!

[That's enough madness for today! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!

Saturday May 30th 2026 "Are YOU planning to still wear your shorts this week, even after the weather 'breaks'?"

Yes, Friends, are YOU planning to still wear your shorts this week, after the weather breaks? Certainlhy, a defiant group in our society has decided just that!

Today's Onion News has more....

Kudos, those big men!!!

And reading their defiant 'declaration of intent' this morning brings a secret smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, here in semi-comatose Liphook, Hampshire this morning, no doubt about that!

me and my wife Lois -  a recent picture

With news here that the current heatwave is about to break, we've decided to celebrate the last official hot day by doing very little again - well, it's our last chance! The crazy mayhem that usually characterises our astonishingly busy life-style starts all over again tomorrow, so why not revel in what may be our last chance to 'hunker down' and spend as much time in bed this afternoon as we can - well, wouldn't you if you had the chance!

We've got a little bit of gardening to do, it's true, so we try and 'polish that off' as early as we can, before settling down on the sofa to do the puzzles in the back of next week's Radio Times.

There are some real 'doozies' this week. Have you done them yet? Bet you haven't haha!!!!

And if YOU  are already completely stuck and short of ideas, here's some helpful hints coming up! However, if you prefer to do them unaided, better look away now!!!!

Bet you can't beat our record 8 out of 10 correct on those Mastermind 'toughies'!!! Yes, despite the heat, you'll notice that mine and Lois's brains are still in top form, which is nice!!!!

And if you're wondering why that former England rugby player is known by the nickname "Chariots" - we didn't know this, but his real name is Martin Offiah - so 'Chariots Offiah" - geddit? Haha!

Also, if you wondering how Lois and I "manage it", at our advanced age - me 80 and Lois 79 for a few more days, would you believe (!) - well mind your own business!!! Don't be a "nosy parker"!!!! And I'm talking 'managing the Radio Times puzzles' here, obviously!

A weird phrase, though, isn't it, "nosy parker", but just next to the Radio Times Puzzle Pages, you'll find wordsmith Susie Dent's explanation, which is handy!

Fascinating stuff, isn't it!!!!

[If you say so! - Ed]

Well, Channel 5's latest celebrity travelogue presenter, former journalist and news-reader, Angela Rippon, obviously "manages it" (!), even though, like Lois and me, she's now 80 - what madness, isn't it!!!!

Tonight Angela arrives in Ho Chi Minh City - the former Saigon, where she is shown round a famous house from French colonial times, with a scandalous history, which is now a museum.

The house was built in 1895, but in 1929, it earned notoriety after a scandalous affair between the 23-year-old son of the house-owner, Huyn Thu Le and a visiting teenage French student from Paris, Marguerite Dumas. 

After Marguerite returned to Paris, she wrote a book about her affair, called "L'Amante" (The Lover), a film which can't be shown in Vietnam today, because, the young curator says, it's "too sexy". 

Angela asks the young Vietnamese curator if she has managed to see the film herself, however.

Oh dear!!!

And these days, history-conscious thrill-seekers can hire the house for themselves, apparently, and spend the night here. It features an extraordinary piece of furniture, imported from China,  which doubles as both a dining-table and a bed. 

During the day, you would use it as a table, and for dinner, in wintertime, people put hot bricks underneath, and by the time you'd finish eating, the hot bricks would have heated the surface of the table, and then you can use it as your bed, now nicely warmed-up. What a great idea!

Despite being well-used by couples over the decades, the table surface seems remarkably shiny, but there's a simple reason for that, based on the table's extraordinary inlay, Angela explains.

Naughty Angela! And I bet she's "buffed" a few table-tops in her time haha!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!

Friday May 29th 2026 "Are YOU thinking IKEA for YOUR next furniture 'acquisition'? Better check it carefully before buying!!!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU thinking IKEA for your next furniture purchase? Be sure to check it thoroughly before hauling it through the checkouts, and parting with your well-earned 'spondulix', won't you! This morning's Onion News has a salutary tale to tell on the subject - just turn to page 94!!!

Oops !!! A shocking story that brings both a smile and a shudder to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-transparent Liphook, Hampshire - no doubt about that!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

And we're partly laughing, in triumph, because, by complete coincidence, we've today - at last! - secured the services of a local 'task-rabbit-style' tasker to assemble our latest bit of IKEA 'kit', a second 'Bingsta'-style armchair to complement the first one, the one we bought a couple of years ago, which is nice!

Having originally 'downsized' back in 2022, and got rid of, like, a billion pieces of furniture - more probably! - we then regretted it, and 'upsized', finding, however, that our latest house was alarmingly empty-looking. We should have foreseen this, but that's us all over: do it first, and think about it afterwards - that's the Colin and Lois way with everything we do haha!!! 

We have to laugh at ourselves - what a pair of complete 'noggins' we are!!!!

(left) today's text exchange with a local IKEA 'taskrabbit', who'll be coming on Monday

to assemble our second shiny-new flatpack 'Bingsta' armchair, and (right) 

flashback to March 2024 - Lois 'test-driving' our first Bingsta with her usual aplomb (!)

Yes, and it's only 9.30am on this coolish Saturday morning, and we're already feeling quite exhausted  - once again, it's 'all go' in this house, that's for sure: busy busy busy!!!!

And we're not the only Brits feeling the pressure, according to the latest edition of political magazine Private Eye, that 'plops' through our letterbox today. 

Yes, despite this week being a Bank Holiday week, with all the kids being off school and all, there's no shortage of stories for our hard-pressed journalists to keep us up to date with, it seems! 

Just see Private Eye's handy digest of last weekend's highlights - it'll make you tired just reading about all the mayhem that's going on in this crazy country we call 'home'  !!!!

What a crazy country we live in!!!

And for Lois and me, even our garden doesn't give us a moment's peace, would you believe, and soon Lois is outside our front window dead-heading roses, and Yours Truly has to get the lawnmower out of its hiding-place in the garage and make it venture outside to do its work on our grass. Busy busy busy - you wouldn't think, would you, that Lois and I have been retired for over 20 years, and still, still (!), we can't stay in bed beyond, say, 9am - it's total madness !!!!!! 

How did we ever find the time to go to work, back in the day !!!!!

our crazy morning: Lois dead-heading some roses, and me - the perfect match of

man and machine (!), doing a 'half-indecent' job on our front and side so-called 'lawns'

- what madness, isn't it !!!!

Even after all that 'malarkey' (!), Lois and I can only get, at most, a couple of hours in bed this afternoon, before getting down to it again on the sofa, researching possible attractions for our lovely daughter Sarah and family to possibly see in London, when they fly in from Perth, Australia next month for a couple of weeks. Our 12-year-old twin granddaughters, Lily and Jessica, want to see a couple of extra things - the view from the top of the 1000 ft high Shard Building, and also the 19th century sailing ship the Cutty Sark, moored on the Thames at Greenwich - the little 'monkeys' (!). And I've got to start tidying up our office as extra guest-bedroom space for the family.

"No peace for the wicked!" - that's what Lois and I always say!!!!

(left) Lois and me on the sofa making plans for the visit of our dear daughter Sarah

and her family, who'll be flying in from Perth, Australia next month, and (right) me

clearing out our so-called 'home office' as extra guest-bedroom space - what madness!!!

[That's enough madness! - Ed]

And there's more shock news to come this evening, as Lois and I settle down to watch this week's edition of comedy news quiz, "Have I Got News For You", hosted this week by our favourite Canadian import, comedienne Katherine Ryan.

On tonight's show, team-captain Paul Merton reveals that all is not what it seems with the annual "Hot Priests Calendar". They're not even real priests, says Merton, and presenter Katherine Ryan confirms.

And it also comes as a shock to this week's panellists to hear that top 'hot priest' Giovanni Galizia (see above) has been the 'cover star' of the calendar for 23 years in a row, so presumably he must be quite old now, which is mad. And Giovanni is definitely not a priest - he's a flight attendant for a Spanish airline, according to the Independent newspaper.

Host Katherine Ryan, however, is outraged by the revelation.

And let's hope that that other famous plumber in this week's news, Robert Kenyon, the Reform Party's candidate in the forthcoming Makerfield by-election, doesn't get revealed to have starred in any of those dodgy films that Katherine Ryan seems to like! He's got enough on his plate with all those mad social media comments that the press say he's been making, to put it mildly!!!!

He's in enough trouble as it is!!!!!

Poor Kenyon !!!!!!

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!