Friday May 1st 2026 "Are YOU having a 'bad day' today? Well, don't tell local man Alan !!!!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU having a QUOTE UNQUOTE 'bad day' today? Well, if you are, better steer clear of local man Alan Bower, that's for sure!

Bower's was the owner of that pair of grinning 'chops', that was all over your copy of the local Onion News for East Hampshire this morning, as you may have noticed!!!!

Kudos Alan !!!!

And Alan's story brings a welcome smile of relief to the faces of me and my wife Lois today, here in semi-tropical Liphook, Hampshire, no question about that!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

And on an admittedly 'slow news day', Alan's story was quickly picked up by the 'nationals' - the Times, Telegraph etc, and even led the BBC's World Service's early morning bulletins for a while, odd though that may seem!!!!

Lois and I are certainly glad that, today, Alan wasn't anywhere near us, with his caustic comments (!), because we are having a bad day today, "in spades" !!!! 

Our day starts off okay - we drive to Liphook Railway Station to buy tickets for our trip to see my sister Gill in Ipswich later in the month, and then we drop into Liphook Eyecare to make our long-postponed next eye test appointments. Then things start to 'unravel' as we try to get Lois her prescription pills, going first to our doctor's surgery, and then to the pharmacy, whose staff really give us the 'run-around' to put it mildly!!!

our day today hurrying hither and thither (!): to the Railway Station to buy tickets 

for our trip to Ipswich, to Liphook Eyecare to book our eye tests, and then to the

doctor's surgery and to the pharmacy to try unsuccessfully to get Lois's prescription pills

Busy busy busy !!!

Busy yes, as usual, but definitely not good, because Lois really needs a new supply of the pills she takes every day. She's taken her last one today, and it's a three-day weekend coming up because of the May Day public holiday on Monday. There's no doctor around this afternoon to give authorisation due to 'sick leave' which is ironic (!), but the surgery receptionist tells us we can get an emergency pack of 5 of the tablets from the pharmacy. However, when we call at the pharmacy at 5pm, they tell us they're not allowed to do this without a doctor's authorisation, and that we'll have to drive 12 miles south to Petersfield Hospital to get the pills there.

Staff at Petersfield Hospital, however, tell us that the pharmacy staff were giving us the 'run-around', because they should have issued Lois with the emergency pills earlier in the day, given that she had all the paperwork.

What a crazy country we live in !!!!

Definitely not where we want to be doing at 7:30pm this evening - driving 12 miles south

to Petersfield Hospital to get an emergency supply of Lois's pills - what madness!!!!

There's a brighter note, however, when Lois and I finally arrive home to Liphook at around 8pm, with Lois's emergency pills clutched tightly in her hot little hand (!), because we see that the trainee pilots being put through their paces locally at Bordon Army Base are putting on some fabulous displays of graphic flight patterns, which delights us!

the gorgeous flight patterns being made above our heads by the newbie pilots 

being trained locally, delight Lois (ringed) and me, when we finally arrive home 

in triumph with Lois's pills clutched in her hot little hand - but what a madness it is!!!

Are the pilots doing it in our honour, to celebrate our eventual triumph? Probably not, but we choose to think that anyway, call us "us-centric" if you like haha!!!

At least they're not like those Finnish trainee pilots who were reportedly reprimanded, and given a right 'bollocking' the other day, for tracing pictures of penises in the skies over Finland, which is some comfort !!!!!

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

21:00 After all today's frustrations and final triumph, we definitely need something to relax us before bedtime tonight, and what better than this week's edition of comedy news quiz "Have I Got News For You", chaired this week by Richard Ayoade.

We hear quite a bit tonight about the annual White House Correspondents Dinner, at which there was another assassination attempt on Donald Trump.

And we see some of this footage, in which a journalist interrupts her departure to come back to her table and delicately pick up one bottle, tucking it under her arm, before deciding to take a second one, for good measure!

This week's presenter Richard Ayoade, is particularly complimentary about the woman's choices, and the delicate way in which she selected, and picked up, the bottles she decided to thieve.

We also hear about the state banquet  hosted by Donald Trump for King Charles and Queen Camilla, which also included some British food, we're told.

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

[That's enough madness! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!

Thursday April 30th 2026 "Have YOU ever spoken to a foreigner in their own language and then regretted it haha!!!"

Yes, Friends, have YOU ever spoken to a foreigner in their own language, and then instantly regretted it? It's happened to most of us, hasn't it - and there's a prime example of that whole 'experience' in today's local Onion News for East Hampshire, that's for sure!

Poor Alice !!!!!

Reading Alice's story today, however, here in semi-picturesque Liphook, Hampshire brings a smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, as we prepare for the fortnightly online session of local U3A group, "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers", the group which we jointly lead "for our sins" (!).

And, as for amassing "a complete set of Danish expletives" (!), both we, and also our members, are ahead of the game, that's for sure! Our group is currently reading together a Danish whodunnit murder mystery, "Judaskysset" (The Judas Kiss), by Danish writer Anna Grue. It's a "proper" Danish book, for Danes, and for adult Danes, at that! 

The book is all about adults too, and so we're reading about the things that Danish adults do, and the things that Danish adults say, which doesn't always leave much to the imagination, to put it mildly!!!!

(above left) us on the couch, preparing for our online session, reading a murder mystery

by Danish writer Anna Grue (above, right), and below (right) us trying to bring

some order to a typically rowdy online meeting of our group of local "old codgers" (!)

It can be embarrassing at times, during our group meetings, translating into English what the people in the book are doing, or saying, ot put it mildly! And so to protect the sensibilities of some of the more straight-laced in our elderly mixed-sex group, we've developed certain euphemisms, which are a bit of a lifeline. So, when we're in session, you'll hear many a cry of "Darn!", "Bother!", "Sugar!" and "Go away, please!", and suchlike, filling the balmy East Hampshire air!!!

Today's slightly vulgar Danish new word that we have to master is "skideballe", used to describe when somebody is being severely reprimanded. It's often translated as a "bollocking", but literally means "a tubful of s*** ". Oh dear, we'll all have to wash our mouths out with soap and water after this session, no question about that!!!!!

What madness, isn't it !!!!!

And in short, this Thursday is turning into yet another busy day for Lois and me, because on top of our online Danish lesson this afternoon, Lois is also doing lots of cleaning and laundry, as well as watering her flowers and vegetables, with the current dry spell continuing. 

And as for me, I've got to get online to pay a few bills, and to organise our groceries delivery for tomorrow. 

Busy Busy Busy !!!! How did we ever find the time to go to work, back in the day!!! 

[You lazy so-and-so, Colin! - Ed]

Looking back through history, however, it turns out that people in the past were even busier than people are today, which is a surprise (including even kings and queens would you believe!), as we find out from tonight's fascinating TV documentary about merry medieval monarch and "ideas man", Richard II (1367-1400), entitled "How To Get Ahead At Medieval Court".

Lois and I didn't know how many features of modern life were first invented by, or popularised by, good old Richard II, to put it mildly!

For starters, he popularised the habit of taking a bath at least once a month (!). During Richard's reign, for the first time since the Roman era, the bath made a bit of a comeback, largely thanks to the King. He established a kind of privy for himself, something like a Turkish bath on a little isle in the middle of the Thames, where he would luxuriate, surrounded by 2000 hand-painted tiles, with hot and cold running water gushing from taps into his bath.

And the men of Richard's court, and also the women of his court, were encouraged to do the same. Richard liked cleanliness, and insisted on it also when it came to his "staff", no question about that!

Also, Richard more or less invented the first cookbook in the English language. He wasn't the sort of king who would just gnaw on a chicken bone before casting it aside for the mastiffs - oh no! He really liked his food, and would have loved the 'nouvelle cuisine' of today, presenter Stephen Smith tells us. 

And it was Richard who commissioned the first ever English cookbook, "The Forme of Cury": nothing to do with curry, incidentally - it just means "Ways of Cooking" - but kudos, Richard, for the catchy title anyway haha!

But of course haha!!!

However, "What did this Richard guy do for me, Colin?!", I hear you cry!

Well, the next time you have a sniffly nose, or you need to mop your brow, or put a knot in something to remind you not to forget something coming up in your diary, then thank Richard, because - voila! - he was the man who popularised the pocket handkerchief, or "hankie", as it's sometimes known.

What a guy!

And what a mad, mixed-up world they lived in, back in those far-off days!!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!

Wednesday April 29th 2026 "Are YOU spending YOUR whole life taking pleasure cruises? It can be tiring, can't it!!!!"

Yes, Friends, do YOU spend your whole life going from one Caribbean cruise to another? Most of us do, don't we! But there are risks, as today's Onion News points out so graphically with this shock page 94 blockbuster headline, to put it mildly!!!!! 

Poor Gary !!!!!!

But Gary's sober reflections, or maybe his semi-sober reflections as he's still on board (!), certainly bring a knowing smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in leafy Liphook, Hampshire, as we take our near-daily walk over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer giant-killers, Liphook United - that's for sure!

Because, by total coincidence, what should fly over our heads, during our walk, but British Airways flight BA 206 from Miami to Heathrow bringing home a bunch of British tourists home to London's Heathrow Airport, as if to rub in Gary's already plentiful woes!!!!

my wife Lois and me on our near-daily walk this morning, being overflown

- although not exactly 'buzzed' (!), by an incoming flight from sunny Miami, Florida

Seeing the plane, however, reminds us of a lovely holiday we took in Florida long ago, during our 3 years in the States 1982-1985, with our then very young daughters Alison (9) and Sarah (7).

flashback to 1984: Lois and me, with our two young daughters

Alison (9) and Sarah (7) on holiday in Florida, seen here at Fort Myers,

and on Sanibel Island in the Gulf of Mexico

The plane's flight is also, more urgently (!),  a salutary reminder to Lois and me to get home swiftly to see the recording of King Charles' speech yesterday to the US Congress, a tricky exercise for the old boy, no doubt about that, and also a bit of a political 'minefield', although a metaphorical one, not a physical one, hopefully!!!!

Lois and I both think Charles made a really good job of it, showing his sense of humour, and staying very much on the positive side, which was a good choice. References to Magna Carta, the rule of law, and the importance of an independent judiciary, are always good value, that's for sure. And we were heartened by all the seemingly universal standing ovations that he received, one almost every 3 minutes or so, which was a surprise, no doubt about that! And if any rogue members were refusing to stand up for them, they must have done so very unobtrusively, that's what we think!!!!

We're just a pair of 'old codgers', however, and Brit ones at that. But what did the US press make of Charles's day yesterday? This is what the New York Times said: 

 

What about the views of the ordinary American-in-the-street, however?

And today, Onion News has wheeled out three of their most experienced commentators to give us their verdict on yesterday's events, which is nice!

Enough said, I think!!!!

The whole business also reminds Lois and me today to create, and send off, a personalised Moonpig Mother's Day card to our daughter Sarah - yes, that same little 7-year-old girl on that beach in Florida, is now 48, would you believe, and living 9000 miles away, in Perth, Australia with husband Francis and their 12-year-old twins, Lily and Jessica. Our Mother's Day card to her will feature a photo of Sarah herself when she arrived last year, totally exhausted but very happy to have arrived, at our house in Liphook after the flight from Perth, more or less 'collapsed' inside our front porch - poor Sarah!!!!

And Lois and I need to "get our skates on" today, because Australia has followed the US practice, it seems, in having their Mother's Day in May, which is mad!

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

21:00 And tonight, Lois and I are back in Miami again, would you believe, not physically (!), but watching BBC TV's reality documentary on the shenanigans of the international FIFA Committee members who are allegedly "planning" the next soccer World Cup event coming up this year, and, incidentally, making a right "balls-up" of it, in our humble opinion!!!!

If only this committee would stop either agreeing with, or quarrelling with, each other! And if only they would stop trying to promote worthy causes, like so-called "sustainability", and get on with actually planning the World Cup, would be something of a step forward, Lois and I think!

This week their planning work has been side-tracked by the committee's "head of sustainability" spokesperson Sarah's on-air gaffe during a podcast, when she talked about issuing footballers with 'wooden condoms' for the duration of the Cup, a simple slip-of-the-tongue. She had meant to say something like 'biodegradable condoms and wooden [something-else]', but her slip-of-the-tongue has already 'gone viral', to-date clocking up, like, a billion 'views' - more, probably!

At today's committee meeting, however, Sarah,, sitting leftmost at the table, is defiant about her slip-of-the-tongue, stressing that she had immediately corrected herself on the podcast, which should have been enough, she claims.

The incident sparks a useful, but lengthy, debate on the wider implications of the issue, nevertheless, which is stimulating, although arguably, doesn't help the Committee to actually get on with the work of organising the actual World Cup, which is a pity!

Oh dear - Lois and I are beginning to despair! Is this World Cup ever going to take place?

Not at this rate of progress, that's for sure!!!!! Pull your finger out [Committee chairman and Head of Integrity] Ian Fletcher (veteran Downton Abbey actor Hugh Bonneville, no less!!!!) !!!!!

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!!

[That's enough madness! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzzz!!!!!