Wednesday April 22nd 2026 "Those COVID jabs! Make you feel young again, don't they !!!"

Yes, Friends, have YOU had YOUR spring COVID jab yet? It's a wonderful feeling afterwards, isn't it, and you feel at least, like, a billion years younger, more probably!!! Like this local man whose overweight body was literally "looming" all over this morning's Onion News - check out their popular "From the Archives" column on page 94 !!!!!

Poor Brady!!!!!

However, my wife Lois and I know exactly how Brady feels, reading his story here in partly-picturesque Liphook, Hampshire this morning, to put it mildly!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

We have our annual spring COVID jab ourselves this morning, not at the doctor's surgery, but at the local pharmacy, which is much better - no queuing!!!!! 

What madness!! Although after the jab we both feel a bit rubbish. Eventually we decide to spend the afternoon in bed.

[You do that anyway, Colin, don't you - be honest!!! - Ed]

Lois and I stop by at the local pharmacy to get our spring COVID jabs

But getting our jabs at the pharmacy seems to be the way to go. So much better than those awful queues; the long lines of 'old codgers' and in the years before that, queuing up at the County Fire Station with all the other poor sods - what a madness it all was!!!

[That's enough madness!!!! - Ed]

flashback to the COVID jabs of yesteryear - what madness!!!!

It's a bit of a medical day all round today, which isn't my favourite kind of day, to put it mildly. I know I've got to take my annual blood test at the surgery early tomorrow morning, and they've also given me a urine test kit, although without any instructions. There are, like, a billion instructional clips on YouTube, more probably, but none of them seem to match the kit I've been given, which is weird.

What madness (again) !!!! So just before closing time, Lois and I drive round there to the surgery and ask for an instruction leaflet. However, when I get it home, I find that it's only helpful up to a point - just pictures, which is mad! Why can't they write more than a few words of description as well? Would it really strain their powers of imagination so very much?!!!

(above) flashback to last week, when I collect my mystery urine test kit from the surgery,

and (below) yesterday, when we got round to asking for an instruction leaflet

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

At least my appointment tomorrow for my blood test will be with a real live woman, and I can ask her questions if necessary, which will be nice!

But how long before it'll be robots who do all these things, and the UK's nurses will have been all laid off? Not so very far in the future, according to the second programme in artist Grayson Perry's fascinating new series on the AI revolution, to put it mildly!!!

Tonight, Perry is focusing on the tech billionaires and CEOs and what kind of people they are, and there's an interesting interview with some of his female staff and colleagues, and with tech world journalist Kara Swisher (crazy name, crazy gal !!!!!).

Grayson asks Swisher what she thinks of the current political shenanigans of the "tech bro's", Elon Musk and the like.

Perry asks her it it's really that cold-hearted, and Swisher says that's the only kind of heart they have.

Then Perry asks her what she thinks of the tech bros' protestations that they really care about the social impact of the products that they're rolling out now.

Do people like Musk really understand ordinary people, Perry asks, and Swisher has no doubts about the answer to this one!

"Most of them have private planes, " she says. "They go from the plane to the car, to the helicopter, to the compound. They don't interact with normal people, and so their lives become very... I call it a "cashmere prison' ", she adds. 

Fascinating stuff, isn't it!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!!

Tuesday April 21st 2026 "Have YOU ever starred in a big money movie, and then regretted it? Well relax, you're in exalted company!!!!!"

Yes, Friends, have YOU ever starred in a big money movie, and later wished you hadn't bothered?!!!

It happened once recently, and to a famous actor, according to today's Onion News. Read on, and weep !!!!

Poor Brad !!!!! And poor Mary Louise !!!!!!

But, especially, poor Brad!!!!

And Brad's story in particular certainly brings a half-decent, or should I say "half-indecent" [No! - Ed] smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, to put it mildly!!!!!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

We know already that our day is going to be dominated by the humble spinach, and also the humble rhubarb, and the humble garden spices, and our efforts to keep them alive in our tiny back garden, here in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, to put it mildly!!!!

The weather has certainly let us down and let all keen gardeners down, with this year's unexpectedly dry spring, that's for sure. The big news here in East Hampshire is 'No rain till May 5th' , would you believe - what madness (again) !!!!!

Last spring it was wall-to-wall rain, and we hardly needed to get our sophisticated watering equipment out of the shed, which was nice! But now, this year, with its dry-to-dryish spring, we discover, to our dismay, that our faithful garden hose is in 'a bit of a state' and needs to be stretched out in the sun like some horrible 50 ft yellow snake. Not only that, but, this morning, we have to organise a 'human chain' of just the two of us, to 'ferry' water from the kitchen sink to our makeshift, so-called "water butt" (a disused, and de-commissioned, wheelie bin, would you believe !!!).

What madness, isn't it !!!!

our morning, described as 'horrendous' by experts (me and Lois!!!!)

- a garden hose dubbed 'too kinky' to be of use, and us having to work

our socks off organising a human chain of two to get water into our 

makeshift 'water butt' - what utter utter madness !!!!!!!

No wonder, that, after lunch, we decide to spend the afternoon in bed, for statutory 'nap time'. Well, wouldn't you, if you had the chance haha!!!!!

And this evening we get a reminder that it's all worthwhile 'growing our own', when we enjoy a nice bit of spinach with our minced beef and potato 'tea', spinach that was picked just an hour beforehand, and you can't get much fresher than that, can you!!! Yum yum!!!!

a typical meal of minced beef, potato and fresh spinach

[Is that all you two 'noggins' have done today, Colin? An hour or so of so-called 'gardening' and then an afternoon in bed? - Ed]

Well, no, actually if you must know!!!! This evening, we somehow find it possible to fit in a hour or so's viewing of a gardening TV programme, to round off the day, before getting back into bed again (!). Busy, busy, busy!!!!!

And we discover, that while we were 'poncing about' in our tiny garden today, who knows what dramas, involving field mice, moles etc were going on there under our feet, all 'beneath the radar', as aged naturalist David Attenborough explains in his fascinating current series 'Secret Garden'.

One of the most secretive creatures in your garden is likely to be the field mouse. And when garden-owners Chris and Liz come in from the garden and shut the door at the end of their day, who knows what real-life secret dramas are already starting to play out in the garden outside!

For starters, who knew that field mice have to start looking for a mate when they're only 4 months old !!!!

What a life - just sex, sex, sex, and not much else, apart from eating, which is mad! 

And not only that, but also, field mice are the only mammals, apart from humans, who, when they go a-wandering 'on the pull', are careful to leave a trail of 'signposts' behind them, so they can find their way home again. They need to move quickly, because, at night, their arch enemies, the garden's owls, will be on the watch - and owls' hearing is 10 times as sensitive as ours - yikes!!! 

Luckily, however, the owls can't hear the male fieldmouse's ultrasonic 'love call' due to its frequency, which is a plus for the little female, no doubt about that!!!!

There's a good tip there, however, about 'leaving signposts so you can find your way back again'. I must start doing that myself when I'm wandering around our little house, arriving in some room and then wondering where I am, and why I wanted to be there (!). 

The fieldmice "going at it" isn't the only mating activity likely to be going on in your garden at night, however, and any male moles "on the pull" are probably also having problems, but of a different sort, we hear - oh dear!!!!

A little male mole can barely see past the end of its nose, but that nose smells 'in stereo', David Attenborough explains, and a male can pinpoint a female's burrow from afar.

"Gotcha!" - a male mole finally gets his paws on a female

The male mole's problem is that the female will almost always try to fight him off, and they're totally vicious. Female moles have unusually high levels of testosterone, which makes them highly aggressive.

Poor male mole !!!!!

Plus, moles leaving their molehills around will make a mess of your garden, that's for sure, but those little piles of earth are also perfect for planting with, as I expect you know.

gardener Liz uses soil from an ex-molehill for planting 

something or other in some pot

So that's all good !!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!

Monday April 20th 2026 "Do YOU get bothered by so-called 'health warnings'? They're a bit worrying sometimes, aren't they!"

Yes, Friends, do YOU get worried by the 'health warnings' which we seem to see on everything everywhere these days?!!!

Well, cheer up, because one local man is taking action, according to today's local Onion News for East Hampshire - it's all over page 94, you would not believe!!!!!

Poor Fisher !!!! And, certainly, once you make that crucial decision in your life, and start to eat healthier, it's hard to stop isn't it haha!!!!

Fisher's story, however, puts a spring in the step of me and my wife Lois on lovely spring morning - no pun intended!!! - here in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, no doubt about that!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

And by coincidence, Lois and I find ourselves this morning in the "Free From" section of our local Sainsbury's supermarket, which is a novelty, to put it mildly!

"But why are you searching for healthy foods today, Colin? That's not like you two 'noggins' !", I hear you cry!

a typical Sainsbury's 'free from' aisle of super-healthy food

Well, there's a complicated reason for our little 'expedition' to Sainsbury's today, no doubt about that! You see, it's today that will mark the long-awaited resumption of the course of "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group lessons we're both taking. The meetings are finally resuming after a gap of 4 months caused by our Intermediate Latin teacher Joe's recent operation. And Joe has said that at the end of today's meeting, which, unusually, will be at his flat, he's going to provide tea and cake for our little group, which is nice!

Joe, leader of the "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, which

Lois and I belong to, seen here in happier times, before his operation

Poor Joe, bless him (!), seems to think Lois is 'gluten-intolerant', which she isn't. And he's asked her to bring some gluten-free cake and milk with her for today's group meeting, both for herself and for fellow-group-member Marcia, who happens to be genuinely gluten-intolerant. And because Lois and I are kindly souls underneath it all (!), and don't want to upset or worry Joe after his recent operation, we've agreed to pop into Sainsbury's this morning to pick up two portions of these healthy choices. But what madness, isn't it!! 

"Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive", as Sir Walter Scott once said - often thought to be a Shakespeare quote, which must be annoying for Walter! [He died in 1832, Colin, so I don't suppose he's that bothered now - just saying! - Ed]

we pop into Sainsbury's this morning to get some gluten-free 'goodies'

because our Intermediate Latin teacher Joe thinks Lois is gluten-intolerant

- what madness!!!!

We're in a bit of a bad mood this morning anyway, because it's our first time of buying petrol since the start of the latest Middle East crisis, with predictable consequences for prices 'at the pump' (!).

Yikes !!!!!

we stop to fill up at the Sainsbury's petrol station, and for the

first time since the current Middle East crisis began - yikes!!!

Yikes! It's £1.569 a litre - which for two old codgers like Lois and me, translates to about £7 an imperial gallon, would you believe!

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

And it turns out that it's all been a waste of time buying all that 'healthy' food. When we get to Joe's class we find that gluten-intolerant fellow group-member Marcia "doesn't need gluten-free milk for her tea, and she doesn't like the gluten-free cakes we bought her, because they're "too sweet". 

What utter madness !!!!!

[That's enough moaning! - Ed]

12:30 After all that madness (!), Joe's actual "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group meeting passes off peacefully today, here at Joe's stylish flat in nearby Haslemere today, just over the county line in Surrey.

the scene in Joe's flat today in Haslemere, Surrey, for the meeting of Joe's

"Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group: (left) group secretary Ann 

(partly out of shot), Joe, Barbara and Brian, and (right) Marcia, Lois and me

The flat still shows sings of left-overs from Joe's recent 85th birthday, with an '8' balloon and a '5' balloon hanging in the window, but hung in the wrong order, so that it looks like he's only 58 - what madness! And there's a champagne-bottle balloon hanging menacingly from the ceiling right over Marcia's head - yikes!!!

I thought I had become the oldest man in the world last month when I turned 80, and I had even been thinking of writing to the Guinness Book of Records, but, since then, I've realised that there are loads of people older than that, like, a billion of them, some of them much much older - almost everybody I've met since then, actually, which is totally mad!!!!

flashback to last month: my 80th birthday, when I became (or so I thought!!!)

the oldest man in the world, and had even googled the phone number

of the Guinness Book of World Records, would you believe!!!!

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

[That's enough madness for today! - Ed]

In Japan, however there are even people older than 85, and one at least more than 300 years old, would you believe, as we learn from the latest programme in ex-cabinet minister Michael Portillo's current series about his international train travels, to put it mildly!

In tonight's programme, we see Michael board one of Japanese Railways' "themed trains". He's currently in Japan's "Satsuma Peninsula",  and is in fact going to be travelling on a "fairy tale-themed" train.

And this particular "fairy tale" train celebrates a story that all Japanese children learn. It's all about a local fisherman called Urashima Taro, from the Satsuma Peninsula. In the story, Urashima saves the life of a turtle, and the turtle in gratitude invites him to get on its back and go under the waves to the palace of a dragon. 

Japanese fisherman Urashima Taro, on the back of a grateful

turtle, who takes him under the waves to the Palace of a dragon

In the underwater palace Urashima has lots of nice adventures, and he also gets the chance to 'hook up' with a lovely princess, which is a bonus!

Eventually, however, Urashima gets homesick, and he sets off for his home village again, but before he goes, the princess gives him a box, which she tells him not to open.

However, Urashima's in for a nasty surprise when he gets back to his village, because everything there had changed.

And the moral of the story, Japanese children are told, is that you can't cheat time - yikes, that's certainly true!

But there's another lesson here too, isn't there. And I wonder if I myself, somewhere along the line, saved a turtle, met a princess in an underwater palace, and got given a mystery box, which I then thoughtlessly opened. I don't remember it happening, but then I don't remember a lot of things these days!!! 

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

Certainly the results would have been what happened to poor old Japanese fisherman Urashima, because it's mysteriously happened to me too, at least as regards the white hair, and all that stuff!

I wonder....!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!