Thursday October 29th 2026 "Friends, do YOU always pick out a 'favourite nurse' whenever YOU spend time in hospital?"

Yes, Friends, when YOU  have to spend time in hospital, do YOU always have a 'special favourite' amongst the phalanxes of nurses who tend you? Most of us do, don't we!

And with winter drawing on, and more and more people are visiting hospitals, Onion News have today debuted their special weekly "Nurse News Supplement", which comes free as a "pull-out-and-throw-away 'add-on'" to their regular Thursday print edition, which is nice!

And today's has some real "doozies" - here's "Colin's pick of today's 'dooziest' " !!!!!

It's all a bit "over-the-top", isn't it! Nevertheless, these headlines (and others in the same vein!) bring a spooky smile to the mouths of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-rural Liphook, Hampshire - and that's a "given" !!!!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

Today, "nurses" are very much on our minds, because today is the fortnightly online meeting of the local U3A "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" group, which we lead, "for our sins" (!),,

And in the Danish crime novel that our little group is reading, "Judaskysset" ('The Judas Kiss') by Danish crime writer Anna Grue, our hero amateur detective Dan Sommerdahl is having to spend some time in a Danish hospital, after cornering a Danish "romance scammer" and getting "roughed up" by him - for his pains!  

The young scamp!!!!

Remind us never to check into a Danish hospital, next time Lois and I get 'roughed up' in Copenhagen (!). The nurses there are really no-nonsense types, to put it mildly! 

As you see in the extract above, if you speak Intermediate Danish, poor Dan is dying for a "pee", and needs help getting to the toilet. However, the nurse is busy just at that moment and tells him to wait till tomorrow [Danish: vent lige til i morgen]. What madness, isn't it !!!!!

a typical toilet in an average hospital

That kind of strict toilet regime wouldn't do for Lois and me, to put it mildly!  As fully paid-up "old codgers" ourselves, we have to visit the loo several times, day and night, which is annoying!

And it's also a bit worrying when we suddenly remember that next month we have to spend the night in our daughter Alison's house in nearby Headley, a crumbling Victorian mansion built for one of Queen Victoria's vice-admirals. The mansion is currently being renovated by builders, and you have to walk, like, a billion miles - more probably! - to get to the only one of the house's 5 bathrooms that's available to use, which is mad!

(left_ "Sorry you can't go inside yet, mate!" - builders denying entry to the house's owners,

our daughter Alison and family, for 18 months, on grounds of "health and safety" 

which is crazy (!), and (right) the rude shepherd's hut in the mansion's lovely 

7.5 acre grounds, where the family has been "skulking" in recent weeks. What madness!!!!

However, fortunately perhaps (!), Lois and I simply haven't got time to worry about our future 'night toiletting arrangements' today, to put it mildly! We're far too busy again - no surprise there! Lois has a morning appointment with young Anna, her stylist, and somehow we've got to find time to drop by her urine sample (Lois's, not Anna's !!!) at our local NHS doctor's surgery, which is mad!

our crazy morning - (above) Lois's appointment with Anna, her stylist, and (below)

somehow finding time to drop Lois's urine sample off at our local NHS doctor's surgery,

and having to wait in the queue behind another 'old codger' - busy busy busy!!!

Fortunately, there's an "island of calm" in the "stormy seas" of our frantic morning (!), when we take the time to walk over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes, Liphook United, currently languishing somewhere just above the "relegation zone" of the prestigious East Hampshire Premier League table - and check out which shirts "the lads" will be wearing next Saturday for their needle match against rivals US Portsmouth.

Yes, after their promising start to the season, back in September, when they briefly hit the heights of the table's "Top 7", they've been drifting inexorably down to towards the table's more familiar "relegation zone", which Lois and I, although no experts (!), think personally that "the Liphook lads" or "The Boys In Blue" - whatever you want to call them - feel genuinely more comfortable!

Certainly, their recent results speak for themselves! And today I can exclusively reveal that "all is not lost" as regards the 2026-2027 season. After a 4-0 drubbing last month by AFC Shirley, "the lads" managed to lose by a much smaller margin, at home to Southsea Sports, which augurs well for the future, to put it mildly!!!

Go "The Lads" !!!!!!

17:00 And after a much curtailed post-lunch session in bed for "statutory nap-time", followed by 90 minutes trying to control another rowdy online meeting of the local U3A "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers", Lois and I even find time to prepare for Monday's meeting of local man Joe's U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, of which both Lois and I are members, again "for our (multiple) sins" (!!!) [Latin: pro peccatis nostris!!!].

us this tea-time, exhausted from controlling another rowdy online meeting of the 

local U3A "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" group, which we lead,

and somehow managing to squeeze in an hour's preparation for Monday's

in-person meeting of local man Joe's "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group

- what madness, isn't it !!!!!

It's actually quite tricky, juggling two languages  - Danish and Latin - and not getting them mixed up, and thereby embarrassing ourselves! 

Lois and I first became semi-fluent in Intermediate Danish some years ago, when our daughter Alison was spending the years 2012-2018 in Copenhagen, with husband Edward, and their 3 offspring Josie, Rosalind and Isaac, and we visited the family there on several occasions, and for instance, actually "baby-sat" for the family, on one weekend, when Ali and Edward were away in Hong Kong.

flashback to 2017: Lois and I 'babysit' our 3 grandchildren in Copenhagen,

while their parents - our daughter Alison and husband Edward - were in Hong Kong:

(left) us in the family home and (right) taking them to the local International School

And "little" Rosalind (standing in the first picture) is now 18, would you believe (!), and has, last month, started a degree course at UCL London, in international relations, but with a "minor" in Danish. She'll get a study year in Denmark 2027-28, and Lois and I are hoping to be able to visit her there during that time. 

We'll have to remember to speak Danish, and not get confused and come out with Latin, because this might puzzle some of the Danes we meet, who, after all, might not be expecting that! After all, Denmark was, famously, and unlike Britain, never conquered by the Romans, so there's not even an ancestral "folk memory" of Latin there, we're guessing! 

The Roman Empire in 117 AD, at its greatest extent,

with (ringed) Denmark (ringed), famously "left out in the cold", 

not just metaphorically but also physically (!)  - poor Denmark!!!!

The two languages are, in fact, very different, to put it mildly! And if you want proof, just compare these two versions of a key phrase in any tourist's phrase book: "I've lost all my money, please direct me to the British Embassy!", and see if YOU can work out which is the Latin equivalent, and which is the Danish. Go on, try it - it's a lot of fun haha!!! 

Version 1: Omnem pecuniam meam amisi. Quaeso, indica mihi viam ad Legationem Britannicam.

Version 2: Jeg har mistet alle mine penge. Kan du vise mig vej til den britiske ambassade?

Bit of a "head-scratcher", isn't it haha !!!!  Help is at hand, however, because the correct answer will be in my "Colin's blog" tomorrow, by the way - so watch this space!!!!!

[That's enough whimsy! - Ed]

20:00 What a crazy day Lois and I have had, all in all !!!

Well, Denmark may have had a cold past, "frozen out" by the Romans, and not allowed to join their precious "Empire" (!).

But BIG QUESTION COMING UP!!! Is the world, as a whole, facing an icy future, with the spread of the dreaded AI (Artificial Intelligence), and its terrible cousin - superintelligence machines - into every corner of our lives?

Luckily, tonight, we can find out the truth,  in the capable hands of the BBC's "go-to" mathematician and "science pundit", Hannah Fry, no less!!!!

Luckily, Fry doesn't believe predictions that Superintelligence Machines will seek to wipe out humanity, leaving the world to themselves. She says that, by making these predictions, we're simply importing 'human characteristics onto AI that has no conception of such motives.

"I think, when you hear concerns like 'AI is going to take over world, is going to destroy humanity', it's really easy to impart human-like characteristics to artificial intelligence."

The real challenge for science, she says, is the struggle to understand our own, incredibly complex, human minds - an endeavour in which we've hardly even begun. "What's really clear", she says, "from talking to the AI developers, is that, when it comes to actual biological brains, they are on a completely different level of computation, of complexity, of structure, everything."

Even analysing a worm's brain, or even a mouse's brain, is still difficult, and seems almost impossible, Hannah reminds us! We can still only map a fraction of even a mouse's brain.

Fascinating stuff, though, isn't it!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!

Wednesday October 28th 2026 "The 'world of art', eh! Never as 'idyllic' as we want it to be, is it!!!!"

Yes, Friends, we so-called 'world of art' - we want it to be an idyllic island in this world of troubles, but it so rarely fulfils that promise. There's always something turbulent going on in it, which is mad! Have YOU noticed?!!!

Even Onion News is now bringing out a special weekly pull-out-and-throw-away Art World Colour Supplement, free with their normal paper every Wednesday, which is crazy !!!!

And if you're too busy to look at it, here's a quick sample of this week's top stories -  a couple of real "doozies" !!!!

It's all a bit mad, really, if I'm honest! But these shock headlines at least bring a fleeting grin to the faces of me and my wife Lois this morning, here in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, so all is not lost haha!!!!

my wife Lois and me, pictured today on our near-daily walk

over the "hallowed turf" of local soccer heroes, Liphook United

As long-term "art buffs" it was always an ambition of ours to spend "30 minutes of squelching" through top artist Claude Monet's famous garden at Giverny in Northern France, but we were always somehow "too busy", which was a pity, but today at least we hear that my "baby sister" Jill in Ipswich, Suffolk - now 68 years of age, would you believe! - has somehow found the time to do it on her recent 4-day break to the near Continent, which is some consolation!

By contrast, Lois and I, although retired now for 20 years (which is mad!), can scarcely spare the time out of our hectic daily schedule to do our "30 minutes of squelching" on the hallowed (but muddy, and much nearer (!)) turf of East Hampshire Premier League soccer giants Liphook United , which is crazy!

contrast: (above) my "baby sister Jill's stroll through top artist Claude Monet's garden 

in France last week, and (below) Lois and me, hurrying over the 'hallowed turf'

of local soccer heroes Liphook United, pausing briefly to watch the antics of

"the young housewives of Liphook" doing their stretches in the car-park. What madness!!!

"But why are you and Lois always so busy, Colin?", I hear you cry!

And my answer? It's simply that yes, maybe we have taken on perhaps more responsibilities than we'd like to have done, ideally, but in a way, we relish the "buzz" of it all, and strangely enjoy feeling our juices flowing, as we "cross off", one by one, all the duties on one of our typically overflowing "to do lists", which is invigorating at our age, we find! 

Call us "overachievers" if you like - but to us, that's a compliment, would you believe!

[Get on with it! - Ed]

a typical couple working on formulating a to-do-list

And top of our busy agenda today is preparing for next Monday's Latin class, which is mad! "For our sins" (!), we're both members of local man Joe's U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, and currently we and our fellow group members are all reading about the Trojan War in the pages of top Roman poet Vergil's epic poem, The Aeneid.

Lois and me this morning, at our kitchen table, studying epic poem "The Aeneid",

- top Roman poet Vergil's account of the Trojan War - busy busy busy!!!!!

We've got to an exciting point in the story. The Greek army, after 10 years of besieging the city of Troy without success, have decided to construct a massive Wooden Horse which they place outside the city gates, hoping that the Trojans will wheel it inside their city, out of curiosity if nothing else. The twist is, however, that the Wooden Horse is packed with hidden Greek soldiers, who, once inside the city, will creep out in the dead of night, and open up the gates to their comrades, thus enabling Troy to be captured.

Those wily Trojans, however, are suspicious, so the Greek Army pretends to sail home to Greece, but leaving behind one of their top  "seccret agents", a master-spy called Sinon, who deliberately gets himself captured by local shepherds. The shepherds don't know what to do with him, so they take Sinon into the city to meet Trojan king, Priam, no less! Sinon's job is, then, to gain the confidence of the Trojans and persuade them that the Wooden Horse isn't a trick, and that it'll be quite okay for them to wheel the Horse into the city, and the rest is history!

top Greek secret agent Sinon persuading the Trojans that

the Wooden Horse is nothing to be afraid of, and that they should

wheel it into their city. The trick works, and later, the city falls to the Greeks

At first the Trojans are suspicious of Sinon, but he wins them over by pretending to be a 'lost soul', rejected by his fellow Greeks, who've all supposedly gone home to Greece, and saying that now he's fully expecting the Trojans to want him put him to death, which would be a pity! 

"Alas, what land, what seas are going to welcome me now!", Sinon laments. "What's left for poor me, now! There's no place for me, any more, among the Greeks, and now, our enemies, the Trojans. are demanding my blood!". 

This is just mine and Lois's "unofficial" translation, so not necessarily completely accurate. However,  if YOU know any Intermediate Latin, why not send me YOUR version - postcards only, don't forget!!!

Poor Sinon!!! And unfortunately, "Poor Sinon!!!!" is, also, exactly what those soft-hearted, but gullible, Trojans say also - the saps!!!!! Trusting in Sinon's words, they wheel the Wooden Horse into their city, and the Greek soldiers, concealed inside it, creep out at dead of night and let the Greek Army into the city - end of story!!!!!

Did Sinon later get a Greek medal of honour for his part in the Greek victory? The Latin text doesn't say, but I definitely think we should be told, don't you!

Luckily, that nice Mr Google at least has the complete story about Sinon's daring exploit, which is fortunate!

What a crazy world they lived in, back in those far-off days!!!!

And pulling the Wooden Horse into the city wasn't too difficult, as the Greeks had thoughtfully installed it on wheels, to take some of the sheer mind-blowing effort of the job, which was nice!

And what a great invention wheels were! Historians believ that they were invented around 3,500BC on the plains of Eurasia. And how fortunate that the Greeks had thought to put wheels on their Wooden Horse, which made it so much easier and more tempting for the poor Trojans to pull it into their doomed city, which was such a relief !!!

the Trojans "wheeling" the Wooden Horse into their city

However, tonight, Lois and I hear about a priest who had wheels put on his pulpit, would you believe! It sounds mad, but  the idea was that the priest could be wheeled round his big cathedral to wake up any parishioners who had fallen asleep during one of his long sermons, which sometimes lasted as long as 4 hours. Then, having woken them, he used to give them "a right bollocking", which was only what they deserved. Be fair!!!!

Yes, step forward, classic writer Jonathan Swift, author of "Gulliver's Travels", and, also, Dean of Ireland's biggest cathedral, St Patrick's in Dublin, no less!!!

(left) Jonathan Swift, author of "Gulliver's Travels", and also Dean of Ireland's

biggest cathdral St Patrick's,  and (right) the wheeled pulpit he had had made, 

so he could be wheeled round the cathedral to wake up any of his parishioners

who had fallen asleep during one of his long sermons - what madness!!!!

It's amazing to think that this august churchman - Jonathan Swift (1667-1745) - was also the author of a book like "Gulliver's Travels", so full of bodily functions such as defecation, urination and all sorts of sexy "goings-on", which was mad!

And Lois and I are hearing all about this madness tonight, as we settle down on the sofa to hear the latest programme in BBC Radio 4's week-long celebration this week of the 300th anniversary of the 1726 publication of Swift's "Gulliver's Travels", 

Swift's classic is still being celebrated as a master satire, attacking the corrupt politicians of the time, but also criticising the follies of religion, which was weird for a dean in the Irish Church. He famously compared the differences between Protestantism and Catholicism to be as about as important as "opening a boiled egg at the big end or at the little end" - an argument that famously led to a war in Swift's fictional kingdom of Lilliput. 

the "Egg War" - sparked by a controversy about

the right way to open up a boiled egg

However, what caused the biggest controversy that Swift quickly became embroiled in, was not his theology, but his "scatology", that is, with his book's frequent, and detailed accounts of defecation, urination and various sexy "goings-on". 

And the book was described as "filthy in thought, filthy in word, raging, furious and obscene", as the later Victorian writer William Thackeray described it. Oh dear! The Victorians really didn't like "Gulliver's Travels" !!!!

the 1887 Victorian edition of Gulliver's Travels, described by

writer William Thackeray as "filthy in thought, filthy in word, 

raging, furious and obscene" - oh dear !!!

Whatever events are happening in the story of Gulliver, tonight's presenter Hislop says, you always know that somebody is going to start defecating, at one point or another, which is mad! 

"Turds are always just around the corner", Hislop laments! And Swift always gives the reader plenty of detail in his descriptions of the defecations - it's thought to be Swift's parody of Defoe's Robinson Crusoe, published a few years earlier, in which defecation takes place, but without any detail given, perhaps unsurprisingly (!).

Presenter Hislop explains that Swift was, above all, concerned to show that human beings are animals, and that if we think that we are only rational beings then we're mistaken. The rational and the animal are all part of the same whole - something which Swift always found irresistibly funny. 

There's also lots of sexy goings-on in the story, especially when it comes to the lustful, and unnaturally huge Brobdingnagian giantesses, who shove poor Gulliver into their cleavages, or even into other, more intimate parts of their anatomy (!). There's the enormous Farmer's Wife, whom Gulliver observes breast-feeding her enormous baby, and the "maidens of honour" who frequently strip Gulliver naked, set him astride their nipples, and who "handle him in playful and humiliating ways, that leave him feeling emasculated, and horrified by their raw, physical proximity" (!).

A tint Gulliver becomes the plaything of 

the "maids of honour" of Lorbulgrud.

Poor Gulliver!!!!

Again Swift is basically trying to represent some of the realities of human life, and being careful never to idealise things in life that aren't wholly ideal, perhaps to keep us "grounded", as Swift definitely  wouldn't have put it, in the no-nonsense English of those crazy, far-off days!!!!

Fascinating stuff, though, isn't it!!!

And so to bed.....!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzz!!!!!

Tuesday October 27th 2026 "Are YOU forever 'chasing rainbows? Or is a rainbow chasing YOU haha!!!"

Yes, Friends, it's all very well chasing rainbows, but when the rainbow starts chasing you, it's time to maybe find a new hobby, do you think haha! 

Certainly you might want to "re-think" the whole traditionally "friendly" image of the delightful, and colourful, rainbow, if you just look at this morning's Onion News, to put it mildly!!!!

Yikes, makes you think, doesn't it! But don't worry, these stories aren't really true, I must emphasise!

They both feature in the paper's popular "Leave Time For A Smile" column, and I think a bit of creative so-called "AI" may have played a part in creating those superficially scary photos - but that's just the crazy modern world for you, isn't it!

Nevertheless, these somewhat sensational "killer rainbow" headlines, and others similar (!), bring the hint of a wan smile to the chubby cheeks of me and my wife Lois today, here in semi-rural Liphook, Hampshire - that's a given!

me and my wife Lois - a recent picture

And we're "leaving time for a smile" today, because we've just had a nice afternoon in bed, for "statutory nap-time", which has recharged our batteries like nobody's business, as we always say!

I won't say we "overindulged" today, but I'll just say, that when we went to bed, around 2pm, there was a lovely "non-killer" (!) rainbow" to be seen from our bedroom window, and when we struggled out of bed, some hours later (!), there was a huge end-of-October "Hunter's moon" to be seen, just rising in the eastern skies, which was nice!!!

(above) this afternoon's "non-killer rainbow", and a few hours later

a lovely "Hunter's moon" to be seen from our bedroom window, which was nice!

"But, Colin, what's a 'hunter's moon'?", I hear you cry! Well, that nice Mr Google has the answer, if you're curious!

What a crazy planet we live on !!!!

However, to put your mind at rest (!), Lois and I claim that we have fully deserved our afternoon nap today, after another typically-busy, but nice morning, as we worked through our hectic schedule! 

an extract from our crazy end-of-October calendar: Thursday looks like

it's going to be a total nightmare, with two "to-dos" on the same day, which is mad!

And, if you're starting to "tut-tut", or even just got to the first part - just a single "tut" in planned series of 'tuts' maybe (!) -  may I remind you that our neighbours have dubbed Lois and me "possibly Liphook's busiest-looking retired couple", which is mad!

[Final warning: I want hard evidence of this statement, on my desk, before I "knock off" tonight! - Ed]

Well, if you want so-called "evidence", just look at this crazy account of our so-called "morning"! After a thorough check on the first signs of our neighbours Olly and Sarah's 2026 Halloween display, we also somehow find time to meet our daughter Alison for a relaxing lunch at Liphook's newest cafe, The Moon & Cous, and wind down for an hour or two, which proves to be a real life-saver, and an island of calm in our otherwise hectic day, which is nice!

our hectic morning: (above) we check on first signs of our neighbours Olly and Sarah's

2026 Halloween display, and (below) we somehow also find time to have lunch

with our daughter Alison, in Liphook's newest cafe, the Moon & Cous - busy busy busy!!!

Yes, busy, busy, busy!!!! And certainly, Lois and I have never been described as "cabbages" - we're unfortunately far too active to quality for that particular 'moniker', and in spades!!!

Nor have we ever been compared to "lettuces", unlike one of the UK's many former Prime Ministers, Liz Truss, according to a text we receive today from Steve, our American brother-in-law in Pennsylvania, who knows a lot more about what goes on in the UK than we do, which is mad! 

Liz famously resigned as Prime Minister in October 2022, after a mere 44 days in office - a UK record, as well as being a "personal worst" for poor Liz !!!!!

Steve says that Liz Truss is still smarting about a Daily Star competition about who would last longer - (a) Liz Truss in 10, Downing Street, or (b) a lettuce, which traditionally thought to have a shelf-life of around the same duration, which is mad!

And the short "shelf-life" of modern Prime Ministers, by coincidence, is one of the subjects in tonight's "Heresies" programme on BBC Radio 4, an unscripted discussion between Jo Bunting, Phil Wang, and David Mitchell in front of a live studio audience, and refereed by presenter Victoria Coren Mitchell.

Introducing the topic, Victoria recounts how in a short space of time we had had Starmer, Sunak, Johnson and Truss, which, Victoria says, "sounds like a really terrible law firm" (!). But David Mitchell, who's been doing some research has found that many of the UK's very earliest Prime Ministers were only in office for 1 to 2 years: William Cavendish, George Grenville, John Stewart, William Petty and Pitt the Elder, for example.

Phil Wang, however, thinks that, although Liz Truss famously "only lasted as long as a lettuce", to him that was too long, declaring that we should possibly be aiming for the equivalent of foods with an even shorter life-span: milk or bread, for example. "I won't be happy," he says, "until we have our first avocado PM", and Lois and I know what he means!

milk, bread and avocado - a new model for UK Prime Ministers?

However, presenter Victoria thinks that if you could somehow combine, say, the "trustworthiness" of Boris Johnson, the "competence" of Liz Truss, and the "man-of-the-people-style likeability" of Rishi Sunak, with (finally) the "sheer charisma" of Keir Starmer, then maybe we could collectively make a really great Prime Minister. 

And Phil Wang agrees with this, although still stressing that the argument for electing a fridge-freezer might still remain the best option.

I wonder... !!!

But what a crazy country we live in !!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!