Saturday May 2nd 2026 "Ever received a good-luck card? It's the ultimate 'clincher' if you want to just 'cinch it', isn't it haha!"

Yes, Friends, have you ever received a good luck card? It can make all the difference, when faced with some challenging project or other, can't it, as I expect you'll recall !!! 

It certainly gave Boston student Dan Klein the firm belief that he was "on the road to success", as you'll have seen from this morning's Onion News, to put it mildly!!!

Poor Dan !!!!!

But at least he's still got that 'Good Luck' card. maybe signed by all his Beacon Press co-workers and managers, and probably still sitting there on his mantelpiece, to inspire him in his future endeavours, which is nice!!!

And Dan's story puts a bit of a sparkle to the smiles of me and my wife Lois here in semi-pastoral Liphook, Hampshire, no mistake about that!!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

And we're laughing, because the story reminds us to buy a couple of 'Good Luck!' cards for two of our grandchildren, Isaac (15) who's on the brink of taking his GCSE exams, and Rosalind (17), just about to start her A-Levels, and hoping to start a degree course in the autumn at UCL, London, in the autumn.

flashback to last month: (left to right) our grandson Isaac (15), 

his sister Rosalind (17), and their big sister Josie (19)

who's already a first-year maths student at Durham

And it's a good opportunity today for Lois and me to pick up those two 'Good Luck For Your Exams!' cards at a card shop, because we're spending the morning in nearby Haslemere, just over the county line in Surrey.

It's 11 am, and we've just picked up young Isaac and taken him to the first rehearsal of the local Music and Dramatic Arts production of "Nine to Five - the Musical", at Haslemere Hall. And Lois and I now have two and a half hours to kill while Isaac is in there singing his heart out - awwwww!!!! Isaac is becoming quite the 'veteran' of musicals these days, already having starred in local productions of 'The Wizard of Oz' and 'Legally Blonde'. 

(above) Isaac as the Tin Man, in his school's production of "The Wizard of Oz",

and below, Lois and me in the audience at Haslemere Hall, for Isaac's 

performance as "The UPS Guy" in "Legally Blonde - the Musical"

And, while Isaac's singing and speaking his lines in Haslemere Hall, you should see Lois's eyes light up at the prospect of browsing local shopping mecca Haslemere's 'myriad stores', something she doesn't get the chance to do when we're at home in Liphook, which doesn't have much, other than a Sainsbury's supermarket and a couple of convenience stores. 

Poor Lois !!!!

And on our 'shopping spree' today, we buy, like, a billion things - more probably - just in the bookshop and the hardware store! And we even try out the beds in the posh Collingwood Batchelor furniture store! The manager tells us we don't even have to take our shoes off, and there's nobody much about, upstairs on their 'bed floor', so a great chance to relax and 'unwind' mid-shopping spree, that's for sure!!!!

Well, you're only old once, aren't you haha!!!!

And, as we don't have to pick Isaac up till 1pm, there's even time to take in a quick lunch at Darnley's, and 'watch the world and his wife go by', up and down Haslemere's bustling High Street, which is nice!

we don't have to pick Isaac up till 1pm, so we've got the chance for a lunch

at Darnley's on the High Street and 'watch the world and his wife go by', which is nice!

The size of our meals is absolutely ridiculous - Lois has a bacon and avocado so-called 'sandwich' which is, like, a billion inches thick - who could get that in their mouths (!), although Lois is quite good at things like that, and is "up for the challenge", as always!!!! 

Yours Truly, however, has to surrender and to 'deconstruct' his so-called 'bacon and brie bap' and eat it with his fingers. We take half of our two meals home, so that's dinner tonight 'sorted', which is a comfort!

Sitting at the table next to us at Darnley's is a party of four, three 'Orientals' and one English guy, and we try to decide whether it's three Chinese or three Japanese, which is quite difficult, as they're talking English of course, for the benefit of the English guy. 

However, the service is quite slow this morning, and when the English guy nips across the street to pick up something from a nearby shop, Lois and I listen hard to try and work out which language the three 'orientalists' are  speaking - difficult because of the traffic and street noise, but in the end we decide they're Japanese, which is nice.  

I myself spent a study year in Japan when I was a student, and Lois came out to stay with me for three weeks - it was the year before we got married.

flashback to April 1971: Lois's visit during my study year in Japan

Happy days!!!!

20:00 And tonight we relive some of those Japanese memories watching the last programme in ex-Cabinet Minister Michael Portillo's latest 'celebrity travelogue' series, in which he's riding Japan's high-speed train, the 'Shinkansen' or 'bullet train'. Michael has now reached Japan's northernmost island of Hokkaido.

Lois and I never got as far as Hokkaido during her stay with me, back in April 1971 - well, I was just a poor Tokyo student in those far-off days (!). A pity, however, because Hokkaido looks like a great place, with lovely lakes and mountains, and thinly populated apart from a handful of large towns. 

Don't go in winter, however. The island gets an average snowfall of sixteen feet, which is mad!!!!

It was once the exclusive domain of the non-Japanese Ainu people, who are thought to have migrated there from the Asian mainland 10,000 years ago, although remnants of their culture survive in places. See the photo above, where Michael meets some Ainu women, seen here in traditional Ainu costume on a local beach. 

However, the island was 'colonised' and subjugated by the Japanese in the 19th century, so it's now heavily 'Japanised', to put it mildly!

And great dance, the Ainu crane dance - a new hobby for Lois and me perhaps?

[Not at your age, Colin, surely!!! We don't want you two 'noggins' ending up in hospital again! - Ed]

Hokkaido is also associated strongly with alcohol, which is nice - mainly the beer brewed in Sapporo, but also the whisky distilled in Yochi by the firm started by Masataka Taketsuru, after a trip to Scotland in the early years of the 20th century. 

Before starting his firm, Taketsuru had recently returned from a trip to Scotland, coming home with (1) the basics of whisky distilling, which was to earn him a fortune, and (2) a lovely Scottish wife, Rita. 

So, set up for life, then, Taketsuru, you crafty devil! Which was nice! No need for a good luck card for him - he was doing just fine as it was haha!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzz!!!!

Friday May 1st 2026 "Are YOU having a 'bad day' today? Well, don't tell local man Alan !!!!"

Yes, Friends, are YOU having a QUOTE UNQUOTE 'bad day' today? Well, if you are, better steer clear of local man Alan Bower, that's for sure!

Bower's was the owner of that pair of grinning 'chops', that was all over your copy of the local Onion News for East Hampshire this morning, as you may have noticed!!!!

Kudos Alan !!!!

And Alan's story brings a welcome smile of relief to the faces of me and my wife Lois today, here in semi-tropical Liphook, Hampshire, no question about that!!!

my wife Lois and me - a recent picture

And on an admittedly 'slow news day', Alan's story was quickly picked up by the 'nationals' - the Times, Telegraph etc, and even led the BBC's World Service's early morning bulletins for a while, odd though that may seem!!!!

Lois and I are certainly glad that, today, Alan wasn't anywhere near us, with his caustic comments (!), because we are having a bad day today, "in spades" !!!! 

Our day starts off okay - we drive to Liphook Railway Station to buy tickets for our trip to see my sister Gill in Ipswich later in the month, and then we drop into Liphook Eyecare to make our long-postponed next eye test appointments. Then things start to 'unravel' as we try to get Lois her prescription pills, going first to our doctor's surgery, and then to the pharmacy, whose staff really give us the 'run-around' to put it mildly!!!

our day today hurrying hither and thither (!): to the Railway Station to buy tickets 

for our trip to Ipswich, to Liphook Eyecare to book our eye tests, and then to the

doctor's surgery and to the pharmacy to try unsuccessfully to get Lois's prescription pills

Busy busy busy !!!

Busy yes, as usual, but definitely not good, because Lois really needs a new supply of the pills she takes every day. She's taken her last one today, and it's a three-day weekend coming up because of the May Day public holiday on Monday. There's no doctor around this afternoon to give authorisation due to 'sick leave' which is ironic (!), but the surgery receptionist tells us we can get an emergency pack of 5 of the tablets from the pharmacy. However, when we call at the pharmacy at 5pm, they tell us they're not allowed to do this without a doctor's authorisation, and that we'll have to drive 12 miles south to Petersfield Hospital to get the pills there.

Staff at Petersfield Hospital, however, tell us that the pharmacy staff were giving us the 'run-around', because they should have issued Lois with the emergency pills earlier in the day, given that she had all the paperwork.

What a crazy country we live in !!!!

Definitely not where we want to be doing at 7:30pm this evening - driving 12 miles south

to Petersfield Hospital to get an emergency supply of Lois's pills - what madness!!!!

There's a brighter note, however, when Lois and I finally arrive home to Liphook at around 8pm, with Lois's emergency pills clutched tightly in her hot little hand (!), because we see that the trainee pilots being put through their paces locally at Bordon Army Base are putting on some fabulous displays of graphic flight patterns, which delights us!

the gorgeous flight patterns being made above our heads by the newbie pilots 

being trained locally, delight Lois (ringed) and me, when we finally arrive home 

in triumph with Lois's pills clutched in her hot little hand - but what a madness it is!!!

Are the pilots doing it in our honour, to celebrate our eventual triumph? Probably not, but we choose to think that anyway, call us "us-centric" if you like haha!!!

At least they're not like those Finnish trainee pilots who were reportedly reprimanded, and given a right 'bollocking' the other day, for tracing pictures of penises in the skies over Finland, which is some comfort !!!!!

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

21:00 After all today's frustrations and final triumph, we definitely need something to relax us before bedtime tonight, and what better than this week's edition of comedy news quiz "Have I Got News For You", chaired this week by Richard Ayoade.

We hear quite a bit tonight about the annual White House Correspondents Dinner, at which there was another assassination attempt on Donald Trump.

And we see some of this footage, in which a journalist interrupts her departure to come back to her table and delicately pick up one bottle, tucking it under her arm, before deciding to take a second one, for good measure!

This week's presenter Richard Ayoade, is particularly complimentary about the woman's choices, and the delicate way in which she selected, and picked up, the bottles she decided to thieve.

We also hear about the state banquet  hosted by Donald Trump for King Charles and Queen Camilla, which also included some British food, we're told.

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

[That's enough madness! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!

Thursday April 30th 2026 "Have YOU ever spoken to a foreigner in their own language and then regretted it haha!!!"

Yes, Friends, have YOU ever spoken to a foreigner in their own language, and then instantly regretted it? It's happened to most of us, hasn't it - and there's a prime example of that whole 'experience' in today's local Onion News for East Hampshire, that's for sure!

Poor Alice !!!!!

Reading Alice's story today, however, here in semi-picturesque Liphook, Hampshire brings a smile to the faces of me and my wife Lois, as we prepare for the fortnightly online session of local U3A group, "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers", the group which we jointly lead "for our sins" (!).

And, as for amassing "a complete set of Danish expletives" (!), both we, and also our members, are ahead of the game, that's for sure! Our group is currently reading together a Danish whodunnit murder mystery, "Judaskysset" (The Judas Kiss), by Danish writer Anna Grue. It's a "proper" Danish book, for Danes, and for adult Danes, at that! 

The book is all about adults too, and so we're reading about the things that Danish adults do, and the things that Danish adults say, which doesn't always leave much to the imagination, to put it mildly!!!!

(above left) us on the couch, preparing for our online session, reading a murder mystery

by Danish writer Anna Grue (above, right), and below (right) us trying to bring

some order to a typically rowdy online meeting of our group of local "old codgers" (!)

It can be embarrassing at times, during our group meetings, translating into English what the people in the book are doing, or saying, ot put it mildly! And so to protect the sensibilities of some of the more straight-laced in our elderly mixed-sex group, we've developed certain euphemisms, which are a bit of a lifeline. So, when we're in session, you'll hear many a cry of "Darn!", "Bother!", "Sugar!" and "Go away, please!", and suchlike, filling the balmy East Hampshire air!!!

Today's slightly vulgar Danish new word that we have to master is "skideballe", used to describe when somebody is being severely reprimanded. It's often translated as a "bollocking", but literally means "a tubful of s*** ". Oh dear, we'll all have to wash our mouths out with soap and water after this session, no question about that!!!!!

What madness, isn't it !!!!!

And in short, this Thursday is turning into yet another busy day for Lois and me, because on top of our online Danish lesson this afternoon, Lois is also doing lots of cleaning and laundry, as well as watering her flowers and vegetables, with the current dry spell continuing. 

And as for me, I've got to get online to pay a few bills, and to organise our groceries delivery for tomorrow. 

Busy Busy Busy !!!! How did we ever find the time to go to work, back in the day!!! 

[You lazy so-and-so, Colin! - Ed]

Looking back through history, however, it turns out that people in the past were even busier than people are today, which is a surprise (including even kings and queens would you believe!), as we find out from tonight's fascinating TV documentary about merry medieval monarch and "ideas man", Richard II (1367-1400), entitled "How To Get Ahead At Medieval Court".

Lois and I didn't know how many features of modern life were first invented by, or popularised by, good old Richard II, to put it mildly!

For starters, he popularised the habit of taking a bath at least once a month (!). During Richard's reign, for the first time since the Roman era, the bath made a bit of a comeback, largely thanks to the King. He established a kind of privy for himself, something like a Turkish bath on a little isle in the middle of the Thames, where he would luxuriate, surrounded by 2000 hand-painted tiles, with hot and cold running water gushing from taps into his bath.

And the men of Richard's court, and also the women of his court, were encouraged to do the same. Richard liked cleanliness, and insisted on it also when it came to his "staff", no question about that!

Also, Richard more or less invented the first cookbook in the English language. He wasn't the sort of king who would just gnaw on a chicken bone before casting it aside for the mastiffs - oh no! He really liked his food, and would have loved the 'nouvelle cuisine' of today, presenter Stephen Smith tells us. 

And it was Richard who commissioned the first ever English cookbook, "The Forme of Cury": nothing to do with curry, incidentally - it just means "Ways of Cooking" - but kudos, Richard, for the catchy title anyway haha!

But of course haha!!!

However, "What did this Richard guy do for me, Colin?!", I hear you cry!

Well, the next time you have a sniffly nose, or you need to mop your brow, or put a knot in something to remind you not to forget something coming up in your diary, then thank Richard, because - voila! - he was the man who popularised the pocket handkerchief, or "hankie", as it's sometimes known.

What a guy!

And what a mad, mixed-up world they lived in, back in those far-off days!!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!