Tuesday, 10 October 2023

Monday October 9th 2023

Dear reader, how big a bed do you sleep in? I hope that's not too personal a question, but Lois and I have started reading a new Danish-language "whodunnit" novel (as you do), because we lead the local U3A Intermediate Danish group, so why wouldn't we haha!

The group's members are all seniors (naturally - this is U3A, remember - do try and concentrate!) and mostly female, so they will be delighted to find that this novel is centred around an affair between a 53-year-old menopausal art-teacher, Ursula, and her thrusting new lover, the 29-year-old Jacob, who supplies her art-department with his own "artisan" non-toxic paints, which is nice. 

An affair made in heaven, Lois and I call it.

a typical older woman - younger man relationship

So far, we've only read about 5 pages of this Danish whodunnit - it can be a bit slow-going sometimes, but Lois and I are only at "intermediate" level, remember - and that title (see above) "Learn Danish in 30 Minutes" is a bit optimistic for most people, we feel! 

our group's latest Danish "whodunnit" -
"Judaskysset" (The Judas Kiss) by Danish writer Anna Grue

Although at a very early stage in this novel, we are, however, already well-acquainted with the problems Ursula's having in bed with her new young lover, Jakob. 

One problem is that Jakob's young face is always blurry to her in bed, somewhat mysteriously, and Lois and I conjectured that Ursula is probably long-sighted, like a lot of older people, and the book's author, Anna Grue, tells us specifically that Ursula "doesn't normally wear her reading-glasses" in bed.

the book's author, Danish writer Anna Grue

We also guessed that maybe Ursula's only got a single bed to entertain Jakob in - after all, she's been divorced for several years and her daughter is away at university, and she's only got a small flat, in the college where she teaches her art classes.

Alas - not quite right! But we're in the right ball-park. This morning we actually read page 6, where we find out that Ursula,  has got a "halvandenmandsseng" in her little bedroom.

the official definition of "halvandenmandsseng"
from the prestigious on-line "Danske Ordbog" dictionary

Yes, a "halvandenmandsseng" (literally a one-and-a-half person bed) is officially a bed that is "narrower than a double bed but broader than an 'ordinary' bed, and is normally 120 to 140 cm wide" (which by mine and Lois's "rule of thumb" equates to 4ft to 4ft 8in).

Well, Jakob's face would be a bit "blurry" in those circumstances, wouldn't it. Be fair!!!!

Mystery solved !!!!

09:00 It's Monday again - and Lois and I start this week with a massive to-do-list: despite our plans, not much was done last week, we recall. 

Well we're not going to be crossing off many items today either - we are both feeling jaded today after our so-called "busy" weekend. Well, "busy" if you're 77, in which case having to do more than one essential thing in a day counts as "a busy day",  doesn't it. Be fair haha!!!

So we put away our mammoth to-do list and bring out, instead, our "mini-list" - not really a list, because there's only one substantial item on it haha!

Well, wouldn't you if you had the chance? And the coast will be clear for our nap this afternoon - Martin comes to clean our windows at 10am and then he goes away, pushing his bill through our letterbox, so he won't be appearing at the bedroom window on the top of a ladder, or banging on the window with his extra-long pole. So let's go for it, we say !!!!

First we clear the house up a bit after our departed guests,- our daughter Sarah and her 10-year-old twins Lily and Jessica, although to be honest, they left the house in pretty good order when they went home yesterday. 

There are mainly just a few mementos of their charming company lying around: like the astonishing book of puzzles that Jessica was working on - it's definitely not a book for children, that's for sure and most adults would struggle with it, Lois and I are 100% sure of that.

flashback to last weekend: Jessica (left) and Lily (right)
doing their homework on our kitchen table 
with help from our daughter Sarah 

How many adults would even consider doing a crossword in which all the clues have one-letter misprints? Let's face it - crosswords are difficult enough even without any typos, deliberate or otherwise, aren't they.



I don't know if you can read Jessica's tentative pencil entries in the grid, but here's a sample - 1 across misprinted clue: "Plate of perfection" - real clue in corrected form: "Place of perfection" - answer "Utopia". 

But before you start mouthing the words "child prodigy", let me point out that Jessica needs a lot of help from Sarah or me or Lois to actually get the answers. The startling thing to me is simply that she's interested and excited by the challenge of it - not many kids her age would give it more than a casual glance before turning the page, would they. Be fair !!!!

I wish I'd been a child prodigy - but it's too late for that, just like it maybe is for that poor local guy Michael Campbell on Onion News the other day - did you read his heart-breaking story?


Disheartened that his dreams had yet to come to fruition, local 37-year-old Michael Campbell was reportedly worried Wednesday that he might have missed the boat on becoming a child prodigy.

“Don’t get me wrong, I know 37 is still young, but sometimes I wonder if it’s too late to become a world-renowned chess wunderkind,” said Campbell, struggling to conclude whether his early 30s had been his last shot or if he was merely a late bloomer who still had time to become a teenage lawyer or physician.

“I always thought that by this age, I’d be a famous whiz kid like Srinivasa Ramanujan or John Stuart Mill, and it sucks because I think I’d make a really great prodigy, too. I don’t know, maybe I’m being too hard on myself. I still have 30 or 40 years left. Plus, my gymnastics teacher said I’m making tremendous improvements.”

At press time, Campbell consoled himself that at least he was more talented than his 8-year-old son.

Poor Michael! Life can sometimes be so cruel can't it haha !!!!!

21:00 We go to bed on last Thursday's third and final programme in the interesting new documentary series on the artist Pablo Picasso (1881-1973).




More than admiring Picasso as "the 20th century's greatest painter", Lois and I, perhaps, predictably, just tend to feel sorry for all Picasso's women. Call us sentimental fools if you like haha!

When this final programme starts, Picasso is still on his 4th or is it his 5th "serious" mistress, fellow-artist Francoise Gilot. Francoise tells us that Picasso was "always in a bad mood" when they woke up in bed in the mornings, and that she would have to tell him something cheering or amusing, or otherwise he wouldn't get up.

What madness!!!

And when he and Francsoise were expecting their first baby together, Picasso, who had an obsessive fear of doctors, illness and death, refused to let Francoise be seen by an obstetrician, deciding instead to make her appointments with Jacques Lacan, the eminent French psycho-analyst.

What utter utter madness (again) !!!! [That's enough madness for today! - Ed]








Francoise got her own back on Picasso in the end, however, because she's gone down in history as the only woman ever to "dump" him. And not just that, she also published, in 1964, a "tell-all" exposé of their life together. 


Attagirl !!!! But the book of course alienated Francoise not just from Picasso but from all his friends and cronies as well. 

However, the book undoubtedly gives an unique insight into what it was like to be the great man's mistress. It's rather disappointing, nevertheless, to see a 1964 clip of a very young-looking David Frost on his 1960's break-through TV satirical show "That Was The Week That Was", discussing the book, rather patronisingly Lois and I feel, with a panel of 3 ageing male pundits.








Oh dear!

Poor Francoise !!!!!!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!


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