Danskcolin: Monday October 11th 2021

09:00 After an sudden vault out of bed due to Ian the Window-cleaner's arrival, Lois and I are doing a bit of "Danish" on the couch, when my cousin Liz rings.

flashback to the 1990's: my cousin Liz in happier times

Liz says she will be happy for our new cousin, David, the 60-something online journalist, recently revealed as a cousin by a DNA test, to contact her. David is the illegitimate son of our Aunty Joan, and he was adopted as a baby.

Good! John (born 1950), son of Bob, has also agreed to be in contact with David, our "new" cousin. My sister Gill (born 1958) has already met David and his wife Zanne. And now Liz (born 1939) has joined the camp of the "meeters" and the number of non-meeters has been reduced by one, by way of compensation. The tide is turning our way, which is nice.

After all, having a child out of wedlock is scarcely a matter to feel shame about in this day and age, is it. My god! Isn't it the norm these days??? If not, I think we should be told!

my Aunty Joan, in the late 1950's. So, she had two sons

and she wasn't married - so what, people would say these days!!!!

10:00 Liz hangs up and I discuss the call with Lois. The annoying thing about Liz's phone call is the quality of the call. Lois and I will really have to do something about our phone: the line is so noisy, and yet the person on the other end of the call can't hear the noise at all. What madness!

I look online and I see that somebody called Old Raft, who's described as a "grafter", has reported a similar problem to our phone company.

"OldRaft" isn't happy with the phone company - that's for sure! He's been ringing the so-called helpline and getting continuous music, with no indication that he's a particular number in the queue, or anything helpful like that - what a crazy world we live in !!!!

I see that eventually the phone company's so-called helpdesk eventually contacted "OldRaft" and gave him a list of checks he can try, but it seems a bit complicated.

a typical busy phone company helpdesk

Any why isn't it an important diagnostic clue that only "OldRaft" gets the crackly line experience, while the person at the other end of the line can't tell that there's anything wrong? I think "OldRaft" (and me for that matter) should be told, to put it mildly !!!!!

Just to check, I go up to mine and Lois's bedroom, and I call our home number from my mobile, and Lois answers from the living room. Quality is fine for me, but not for her. Surely that's pointing to something as the cause of the problem, isn't it? And if not, why not !!!!!!

What madness !!!!!!

11:00 We go out for a walk to the local football field. It's a bit chilly - winter's on the way now. Not many dog-walkers (or dog-airers as the Danes say), but the netball court and the tennis courts are stuffed with old codgers, which is nice.

We stop at the Whiskers Coffee Stand by the Parish Council Offices, and have a coffee and a Twix chocolate bar split into two.

14:00 After lunch we go to bed and I give Lois's left ear her second "squirt" of the day. We've really got to get back into this twice-a-day squirting after a weekend when we forgot to do it. Her appointment with the ear clinic is coming up fast now - I've just checked the calendar, and it's on Thursday! Yikes!!!!!

19:00 I send a quick email to film-star Michael Caine, spiritual leader of Britain's thousands of "nosy neighbours", to update him with the latest results from monitoring our neighbour, the one with the local personal-trainer mini-gym business. Lois and I are convinced now that there are 3 customers in all: UG, TG and PPW - Ugly Guy, Tall Guy and Pleasantly Plump Woman respectively.

film-star Michael Caine, spiritual leader of Britain's thousands

of "nosy neighbours"

We got a good view of UG a little earlier tonight, when we were having dinner, at around 6:10 pm, which was when UG exited the gym - significantly he didn't have his car and he exited on foot in a south-westerly direction. This makes him easily distinguishable from TG who exits on foot in a north-easterly direction.

Good!

flashback to last month: we spot UG (Ugly Guy) for the first time

19:30 Lois disappears into the dining-room to take part in her sect's weekly Bible Seminar on zoom. I settle down on the couch and watch the tenth and final episode of Season 2 of the Danish crime series, "The Killing", which Lois doesn't like.

In a confused and confusing final episode, the two detectives, Inspector Sarah Lund and her sidekick, Inspector Ulrik Strange, who almost went to bed with each other a couple of times during this long series, are tonight involved in a thrilling ending, where Ulrik shoots Sarah several times, and she collapses down an embankment into the mud.

Inspector Ulrik shoots his colleague Inspector Sarah several times

But then a few minutes later we see Sarah, apparently unharmed, shooting Ulrik dead - completely dead this time. Sarah was apparently wearing a bullet-proof vest when Ulrik shot her, so she survived his bullets okay. See? - simples!

a few minutes later Sarah gets up and shoots Ulrik dead - so fair enough,

he started it haha !!!!

It's just my personal opinion, but I don't think there's much chance that they will end up in bed with each other now - call me a pessimist or a killjoy if you like haha!

flashback to Episode 7: Inspector Sarah and Inspector Ulrik in happier times -

they were just about to go to bed with each other when the doorbell rang:

it was their boss's boss, Ruth, with an important mission for them to undertake.

Poor Ulrik !!!!! And especially now that he's dead haha !!!!!

21:00 Lois emerges from her zoom session and we watch the latest episode in the amateur dramatics (amdram) group's programme, "The Goes Wrong Show". Tonight's playlet is a tough American prison break drama, entitled "There Is No Escape".

Some of these tough American prison dramas can be quite "strong meat" for British audiences, so it's nice to hear a welcome "health-and-safety" notice from the director before the play begins.