Another bad day - Lois and I have been retired for 16 years, and we've got used to pleasing ourselves most of the time, but this week it's been a bit like we can't do that for the moment: but hopefully it'll all work out in the end. It's all to do with what we need to do to our 92-year-old house, which is far too big for us.
Sarah, our daughter, who lives in Perth, Australia with Francis and their 8-year-old twins Lily and Jessica, are wanting to move back to the UK, and Lois and I want to help them all we can.
flashback to Christmas Day 2019: Sarah, Francis and
the twins on the shores of the Southern Ocean
Lois and I need to downsize to a smaller house ourselves, and for a while Sarah and Francis said they wanted to buy our house, so we thought we must keep the house looking a bit the worse for wear and "in urgent need of updating", so that we could keep the price low for them without attracting the unwelcome interest of the tax inspectors at the Inland Revenue.
Now the plan A is for us to move to a smaller house but sell our existing house to somebody else, making as much profit as possible. We can then help Sarah and family later, when they come to buying a house for themselves over here.
See? Simples!!!! [I don't really know what you're talking about here! - Ed]
The result of this change of policy is that we've now got to make our house as desirable as possible with a minimum number of snags. See? Before we were trying to keep it as undesirable as possible with the maximum number of snags! See? Simples (again) !!!!!
09:30 Stephen, our friendly local handyman, comes to help us get our "dead" chest freezer out of the larder, squeezing it through a narrow door and out of the house, so that the Borough Council can pick it up on Monday as part of their "Bulky Item Collection" programme. Nobody's going to want to buy a house with a non-functioning chest freezer taking up space in the larder, that's for sure.
I showcase the "dead" freezer taking up space in the larder
before handyman Stephen arrives to help us "liberate" it
Lois showcases what that end of the larder looks like
without the freezer, after Stephen removes it
the freezer, now out in the rain, awaiting collection
by the Borough Council's Bulky Item Removal programme on Monday
Poor freezer !!!!!
Later Lois and I feel a sense of "bereavement" however. That freezer has stood there in the larder for years, no use to man nor beast, but it's been the perfect object "just to put things on". Somehow or other we've got to find a replacement for that useful function, that's for sure.
11:00 Handyman Stephen goes - he'll be back next week to fix the mould in the shower and some other little jobs.
I sit down to complete a form detailing out financial incomings and outgoings, in preparation for a zoom meeting next week with our first-ever "financial advisor". This is all to see we can best help Sarah and family move back to the UK.
I'm finding the form a real struggle - I've let our finances go for years, because Lois and I lead a quiet life, even more so since the pandemic hit, and nothing really changes financially from month to month.
And I make at least one stupid mistake with the form this morning. Some of the entries require "annual" amounts, and some call for "monthly" amounts, and I get confused - my brain must be atrophying: my god! I realise eventually that I've put down £600 a month for our "travel expenses", when this is actually my annual figure. I have interpreted "travel expenses" as how much we spend on maintaining and servicing the car, plus what we spend on petrol.
A total of £600 certainly looks a bit unlikely for a quiet couple like us, especially considering a typical monthly timeline that Google has kindly produced for me: and I realise that the actual figure is about £50 for a given month.
11:30 Sarah calls on whatsapp from Australia when Lois and I are sitting on the sofa taking our mid-morning coffee break. We're able to tell her that we've started looking online at smaller houses we might want to move to in 3 south coast counties: West Sussex, Hampshire and Dorset.
18:00 Time to try the third of our 3 Hellofresh meal-kits - which were free of charge this week, as part of the company's introductory offer. Another load of 3 meal-kits arrives tomorrow, not free this time but reduced in price, so that's good. Tonight's is their Pork and Black Bean Tacos, with Pickled Red Onion, Chipotle Tomatoes and Lettuce - yum yum! We vote this another big hit.
...and we follow up with tiramisu desserts from Budgens,
our local convenience store in the village
20:00 We watch a bit of TV, a little gem of a reality-TV series on the little-known "Dave" TV channel. The series is called "Meet the Richardsons", in which a TV camera crew spend hours each day filming celebrity married couple Jon Richardson and Lucy Beaumont, both stand-up comedians, and monitor their daily lives.
"Meet the Richardsons", a reality TV-documentary about the lives of
celebrity couple Jon Richardson and Lucy Beaumont, on the
little-known "Dave" TV channel
To Lois and me this series is a "little gem" from the little-known "Dave" TV channel. Many people would find it boring, but we find it a fascinating insight into the lives of celebrities - it makes us realise that celebrity life is not nearly as glamorous as many people imagine it to be - my god!
The Richardsons have recently moved, with their young daughter Elsie, to an affluent suburb of the city of Leeds, and Lucy is having a hard time trying to keep up with the "posh" mums in the local PTA. The mums have been organising a raffle to raise money for the local school, and have appealed for members to donate prizes.
Lucy's first thought is to donate one of her husband's old cardigans - he's known for the somewhat moth-eaten cardigans he wears when doing his stage act. And after all he has been accused of being "an old man before his time", and the cardigans seem to fit that image - oh dear! But Lucy changes her mind about donating the cardigan when she sees the fabulous prizes that the other mums are donating - including a pair of Formula-1 champion Lewis Hamilton's sun-glasses. My god (again) !!!!! Other prizes donated by the mums included champagne, spa dates, theatre tickets and the like.
Lucy picks out one of her husband Jon's trademark "old cardigans"
to impress the posh mums at the local PTA
One of the downsides of letting a reality-TV camera crew follow you around is that they are there to film not only your marital discussions but also your visits to the doctor. It's unfortunate that Jon, after years of successfully concealing his piles and haemorrhoids, now finds that it's become public knowledge: in last week's programme Lucy talked about his piles on camera, saying that she found them "a real turn-off", and now in tonight's episode, we see Jon's (female) doctor giving him an anal examination. Worse than that, we later see his doctor gossiping about Jon's problem at a local child's birthday party.
You've got to feel sorry for Jon after all that, haven't you: my god! Lois and I are certainly glad that we're not a celebrity couple, that's for sure!
we see Jon's doctor, Dr Maxwell giving him a really painful anal examination...
...and then later we hear Dr Maxwell gossiping about poor Jon's condition
to local mums at a child's birthday party - my god!
Lastly, there's an ongoing mystery in the programme that still hasn't been solved. Jon's agent has heard persistent rumours that another celebrity couple are trying to steal the idea of Jon and Lucy's reality TV show, and launch it on one of the "big" channels, like maybe Channel Four.
Last week Jon and Lucy thought they'd found out who the plagiarist couple were - actor David Tennant and his wife Georgie, and they challenged them about it at a dinner party, resulting in a now probably unhealable rift. This week Jon and Lucy think they've identified the copycat couple as comedian David Baddiel and his wife Morwenna, and they invite them round to have it out with them. David and Morwenna get wind of the plan, however, and don't turn up.
A preview of next week's programme reveals that according to Lucy's agent there's now a third suspected copycat couple in the frame - we see a picture of the husband, and we know he's a comedian, but neither Lois nor I have a clue who he is. Oh dear!
Honestly, who'd be celebrities in this day and age - not us anyway !!!!!
Lucy's agent, Susanne Bennett-Jones, reveals that yet another celebrity couple
are filming a copy-cat TV programme in imitation of "Meet the Richardsons"
...and we get a sneak preview of who the copycat husband is. But who is he??!!!
Yes, Lois and I have no idea who this new copycat suspect is - I expect all the country's young people know who he is! If you know, let us know, on a postcard please, before next week's show haha!
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!
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