Friday April 1st 2022

A rare occurrence in this pandemic is going to happen today - we're expecting a visitor who's actually going to come inside mine and Lois's house and have lunch with us: yikes!! It's Lois's fellow-sect-member Mari-Ann, who's going to be looking through our 6 black plastic sacks of unwanted clothing, searching for items that the sect's recently arrived Iranian Christian refugees could make use of.

flashback to yesterday: I showcase the 6 black plastic bags

of clothing that Lois and I have decided to donate to these refugees

Yesterday Lois I were "decimating" our wardrobes to see if we could donate as many items as we could. We've been told stories about how many of these refugees arrive by train from London with little more than the clothes they're stood up in, and even tales of a woman refugee who arrived with no change of underwear, that kind of thing. 

I feel a bit shocked, therefore, when Mari-Ann says she won't take the six or seven pairs of trousers and a couple of jackets that I picked out for the refugees from my wardrobe.  Mari-Ann says that these refugees, who are mostly young guys, "only wear jeans", and that they "don't bother with jackets". Not the reaction I was expecting, to put it mildly! Oh dear!

Is it wrong of me to be taken aback by this rejection, and to feel slightly offended? I don't know, but I think perhaps I should be told!

Mari-Ann (right) seen here in happier times,

with her Polish daughter-in-law, Sylvia

14:30 I'm a member of Lynda's local U3A Middle English group and this afternoon is our monthly meeting on zoom. Our current project is a medieval poem in which a carpenter's tools are all heard arguing about which of them is the most useful to their owner - this is the kind of thing that used to have medieval audiences falling about with laughter, no doubt about that.

It's all a bit sad in a way because the carpenter who owns the tools is evidently a total drunkard - he lives next door to the local "ale-wife", the female tavern-keeper, and he regularly drinks away any money he's earned by downing several gallons of beer a day.

The saddest thing is that, despite the carpenter's drunken ways, his tools still believe in him, and think that if they do their jobs well, they'll make him rich and prosperous.

The carpenter's "augur" (a drill) thinks that if he drills well enough, his master will get to be the town sheriff.

And the carpenter's "pricking knife", whatever that is, thinks he'll make him into a knight.

Poor misguided tools haha !!!!!!

What town is going to want a drunk for their sheriff haha (again) !!!!!

But who knows? If the carpenter begins to realise that his tools believe in him and that they can see qualities in him that he can't see himself, could it be there'll be a heart-warming and life-affirming happy ending after all? Well, we'll see next time, perhaps! 

Remember the slogan adopted by B&Q, the mammoth UK hardware chain? Yes, "You can do it if you B&Q it!"

Next time, will we hear these golden words: "Arise, Sir Sheriff !!!!!" ????

 a typical medieval sheriff

20:00 Lois and I wind down on the sofa with a reality TV series that we like to follow on the little-watched "Dave TV" Channel.

"Meet the Richardsons" is all about the day-to-day life of two married stand-up comedians, Jon Richardson and his wife Lucy Beaumont. The couple live in a "posh" part of Leeds, Yorkshire, and are trying desperately to keep up with their "posh" neighbours.

We find this a fascinating reality TV series, mostly because it shows us that the celebrity life isn't nearly as glamorous as people often believe, and particularly so in the case of Jon and Lucy, whose careers, as well as their marriage, are beginning to look a little shaky, to put it mildly.

Jon's career as a stand-up is certainly in the doldrums at the moment. He's always been known for his love of darts, the pub game - so much so that he has bought up a failing pub in his neighbourhood and closed it to the public, simply so that he could enjoy a quiet drink and a solo game of darts there without being bothered by other customers, or by his friends and family.

the failing local pub that Jon bought up and closed,

just so that he could enjoy a quiet drink there on his own - my god!

Unfortunately Jon suffered a big humiliation on national TV recently, when he was beaten at darts on a Charity Celebrity Bullseye game show by darts novice and wildlife programme presenter Kate Humble. To make it worse, this debacle seems to have backfired on Jon's career as a stand-up, and he has found that bookings have started to dry up.

the sensational Charity Celebrity Bullseye game, in which Jon famously 

lost to darts novice and wildlife TV presenter Kate Humble, playing her first-ever game

the moment when Jon realised he'd twice failed narrowly 

to hit the legendary "triple twenty" spot on the board

With Jon's career at an all-time-low, the focus is currently on his wife Lucy to make the couple a bit of extra money.

Lucy has just written a book about being a first-time mum, "Drinking Custard - the Diary of a Confused Mum" - a "mumoir", as Lucy calls it. And the couple have tried to drum up some publicity by appearing in bookshops in town centres to sign copies bought by customers, i.e. so-called "book signing" events.

Jon and Lucy arrive to do a "book signing" at a bookshop in Leeds

What Lois and I didn't realise was that attendance at these book-signing events is very variable - sometimes there's a queue, sometimes there's just nobody - oh dear!

customer demand at book-signings is very variable apparently -

sometimes there's a queue, sometimes there's just nobody: oh dear!!!!

Further disasters follow when Lucy makes the mistake of hiring her best friend Jackie as her new P.A. 

Bad idea, Lucy! Lucy's husband Jon calls Jackie his wife's "boozy friend", and we can see why. And Jackie soon starts making mistakes organising Lucy's diary.

Lucy's new PA and "boozy friend" Jackie (right) seen here in happier times,

 in a city-centre pub, having a boozy evening with Lucy (left) and other friends

Yes, unfortunately Lucy soon discovers that Jackie has "double-booked" her, for a book-signing event in Leeds and a simultaneous appearance on a TV show.

And who knew that celebrities often pay other celebrities that resemble them to appear in their place, when they can't fulfil their bookings themselves? Jon has done it several times apparently. And tonight we see Lucy paying fellow-celebrity and TV presenter, Melinda Messenger, to go to the Leeds "Waterstones" bookshop, and do the book-signing in her place.

The two women do look uncannily similar, no doubt about that. But Lucy has some trouble trying to teach Melinda the distinctive and difficult-to-imitate Hull accent, in which famously the Danish sound "ø" is substituted for the standard English "long o" sound.  So a word like "snow" becomes like "snø" in Danish etc.

Melinda tries and fails to reproduce the Danish "ø" sound - oh dear!

Despite the shaky accent Melinda goes ahead with the book-signing and seems to get better reactions than Lucy does herself, which is nice.

There seems to be an awful lot going on this week in the show. And tonight's is quite a dazzling programme in the series, no doubt about that. Lois and I are beginning to feel quite dizzy with all the developments!

To cap it all, Lucy's vulgar mother Gill is going ahead with her spur-of-the-moment wedding to crude alcoholic comedian Johnny Vegas, and tonight we see Gill choosing her wedding dress.

Lois and I are with Lucy on this one - we think the dress is completely unsuitable for a wedding. But then we're both in our mid-seventies and well past our "use-by" date, so what do we know !!!!!

Metal foil wedding dresses! Whatever next!!!!

Fascinating stuff! [If you say so! - Ed]

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!