Sunday March 30th 2025 "Do YOU hide from the world in the bathroom sometimes? It's a useful 'safety valve' isn't it !! "

The bathroom is a wonderful place to hide from the world, isn't it. Somewhere you can really be yourself and shout and scream if you feel like it! Bu fair's fair - when at work, you should only shout and scream about your work, your colleagues and your boss. 

And that's why my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I are fully behind local HR director Patty Clement's reported missive to staff, the one that was the talk at all the water-coolers in this part of East Hampshire this morning - no question about that!

And my thanks, as always, to those hard-working Onion News journalists for breaking that story, to put it mildly. There was actually a lot about bathrooms in today's paper - did you notice? The journal's popular "Your Bathrooms Tonight" feature was bursting out all over - well, it is spring now, so fair enough, Lois and I say!

Did you see this other "doozy", hiding away there also on page 94 this morning? (!)

That anxiety - we've all been there, haven't we, especially in houses where there's no lock on the bathroom door. Yikes!

And that's precisely one of the, like, billion problems that Lois and I want local handyman Russell to fix in our house when he calls round, hopefully, on Thursday. The bolt on our bathroom door doesn't work. I'm pretty handy myself when it comes to carpentry etc [That's the biggest lie I've read so far today in this column, Colin! - Ed], so I've already diagnosed the problem: the door shuts but not as firmly as it should, and as a result the bolt doesn't meet the "other bit", as we carpentry aficionados call it (!), on the wall beside the door.

local handyman Russell and his "calling card" - and what a 

brilliant name for his business: "Handyman Services"

- simple but effective. Sheer genius !!!!

Russell famously doesn't like surprises, so I send him a picture of the bolt this morning ahead of his visit to us on Thursday, but he replies that he can't comment on the issue until he sees it for himself, when he comes.

What madness !!!! It isn't exactly rocket science is it !!!!!

the picture of the bolt on our bathroom door that I text to local

handyman Russell this morning, although he still wants to 

see the bolt for himself before he comments - what madness!!!

Lois and I don't care about the bolt when it's just us in the house, obviously: there's nothing we haven't seen already, to put it mildly! It's just when we're hosting guests that it becomes embarrassing. Well, we'll see: watch this space for developments!

[I don't think I'll bother! - Ed]

Apart from all that, it's a joyous Mother's Day here in quiet, semi-rural Liphook, Hampshire, and generally in the UK, and even in Nigeria, the only other country in the world that's celebrating Mother's Day today, I can exclusively reveal (!).

We start the celebration off this morning with a whatsapp video call to our daughter Sarah in Perth, Australia and her twin daughters Lily and Jessica. During the call Lois shows them the Moonpig Mother's Day card that  Sarah and the twins designed and arranged on the internet, and which "plopped" through our letter-box this week.

Then later we're treated to a Mother's Day lunch at local pub The Crown at Arford by our other daughter Alison (49), and two of her three teenage kids: Rosalind (16) and Isaac (14). Alison's husband Ed (49) is busy supervising Duke of Edinburgh Award youngsters this weekend, and Josie (18) is flying back from Switzerland with her physics classmates after a visit to the massive CERN particle physics lab in Geneva - and during the lunch Alison gets a text to say that Josie's plane has landed at London's Gatwick Airport.

the face of our dear daughter Sarah (47) beaming out at us from Lois's

tiny Huawei phone screen on our coffee-table, as Lois showcases the card

that Sarah and the twins designed for her, and which came in the post this week

Lois and I are treated to a Mother's Day lunch at local pub The Crown at Arford

by our elder daughter Alison (49), plus Isaac (14) and Rosalind (16)

After Sarah plus husband Francis and the twins left the UK for Perth, Australia last September, Lois and I decided to move to Liphook, Hampshire, to be near our other daughter Alison, just to be on the safe side. Well, we have been officially diagnosed as "clinically old", so you can't be too careful, can you, to put it mildly!

flashback to Friday: Lois and me, officially diagnosed as "clinically old",

seen here on our "old codgers walk" over Old Man Lowsely's Farm, outside Liphook

Are Lois and I a burden to Alison? Or to the UK in general, perhaps? Well, we think not, not yet at least, not yet to Alison anyway! There was confirmation of this both in Alison's Mother's Day card to Lois and also in our conversation at The Crown pub today. 

Alison said so sweetly in the card how happy she was to have her parents only 5 miles away, and today in the pub we could see how she relished our talk of her childhood with us in Cheltenham, and all the old memories we evoked. She's a bit surrounded by her husband Ed's siblings and parents - not that she minds that, naturally: they're all really great. 

But only Lois and I know about Alison's own personal "journey", everything that's happened to her since she "popped out" in Cheltenham's St Paul's Maternity Hospital back in 1975, and that journey of hers is something only Lois and I can fully appreciate, and reminisce about, which is nice!

Little Alison with us and with her Uncle Steve (23), and 

Auntie Jill (19), their first ever niece.... ...

...and with her "Nana" - my dear late mother: her first grandchild

Awwwww !!!!!

[That's enough nostalgia! - Ed]

Oh all right! Back to Mother's Day 2025, and our pub lunch at "The Crown". I resist the temptation to ask popular landlord Tim Taylor the two key questions: "Have the Mac been in?" or the other one: "Has Sandi been in?".

The pub was the local for pop band Fleetwood Mac back in the 1970's - they wrote a song about it - "Down At The Crown", featured on their "Madison Blues" album. And the Crown is the nearest pub also for TV's Sandi Toksvig, the UK's favourite Dane, who published a review of the pub's Sunday offerings in last week's Guardian. 

Yum yum!

By the way, of the Fleetwood Mac's 1970's line-up, only John McVie and Mick Fleetwood himself are still with us. John lives in Brentwood, Los Angeles, and Mick has lived on Hawaii for years.

(left) flashback to the 1970's: Fleetwood Mac band members at local Headley mansion Benifold,

and (right) me showcasing Benifold as it is today.

So don't expect to see John or Mick, or any of the deceased band members, "down at the Crown" any time soon. Just saying !!!!

21:00 Lois and I settle down on the couch to watch this week's episode of Prof. Alice Robert's latest TV series "Ancient Greece by Train" .

Lois and I feel that this is a bit of a "filler" episode by Alice: she explores Paros on one of the Aegean islands, but the place is simply a bit too full of Hellenistic remains on almost every street corner, but not particularly spectacular ones. And there are some filler sequences, where Alice "chats up" the captain of the boat she takes from Athens to Paros, and he gives her a beginner's course in navigation as her reward. What madness !!!!

We sense that Alice, or maybe Channel 4, have both made a decision to above all "keep things light" on this series, maybe, and I definitely think we should be told, and quickly! [Why? - Ed]

Before that, however, Alice has an interesting chat with a historian at ancient Athens' port of Piraeus about the extraordinary achievements of the Athenians in the Fifth Century BC: a hotbed of philosophy, science and drama, and above all, the world's first little democracy - a status that Russia and China and a lot of countries around the world still haven't achieved (not by my blog's press time anyway (!)) - and it's 2025 !!!!!!

Wake up, Putin !!!!!

"Why do we care so much about the ancient Athenians?", asks Alice.

 

Fascinating stuff, isn't it!

21:00 We go to bed on tonight's show from "The Wheeltappers and Shunters Social Club", the 1970's series which recreated the atmosphere of a typical working men's club in the North of England. 

And after a rather lacklustre succession of "turns" on the bill, it's nice tonight to hear the humourless club chairman and "turn manager" Colin Crompton reading out the club's weekly notices from his usual "stage-side" table.

And here's Colin again, dealing with a phone call from a member who wants to know who's on next Saturday's bill:

Oh that one just never gets old, does it!

The member on the phone, however, wants to know if "The Phenomenal Muriel" is an experienced performer. And luckily Colin is here to reassure him:

Fair enough! And Lois and I will certainly be looking forward to seeing "The Phenomenal Muriel" bending over backwards for us next Sunday night, that's for sure!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!!

Saturday March 29th 2025 "And how did YOU spend YOUR March 29th - not annexing the Punjab I hope (!!!)!"

 Well, it's March 29th again, and a day to celebrate, perhaps? But Friends, March 29th isn't what it used to be, is it, especially in the UK. After a quick Google, I can today exclusively reveal that the heyday of March 29th was definitely in the 19th century.

• 1849 – The United Kingdom annexes the Punjab.^[10]

flashback to March 29th 1849 - the annexation of the Punjab

That was the big one, certainly - but other "big March 29ths" were to follow, over a crazy period of just 22 years - my goodness yes! Talk about ructions!!!!

• 1857 – Sepoy Mangal Pandey of the 34th Regiment, Bengal Native Infantry mutinies against the East India Company's rule in India and inspires the protracted Indian Rebellion of 1857, also known as the Sepoy Mutiny.^[11]
• 1867 – Queen Victoria gives Royal Assent to the British North America Act which establishes Canada on July 1.^[12]
• 1871 – Royal Albert Hall is opened by Queen Victoria.^[13]
• 1879 – Anglo-Zulu War: Battle of Kambula: British forces defeat 20,000 Zulus.^[14]

After 1879, the UK mostly fell quiet each year on March 29th, and we generally all got used to it being quiet, didn't we, until March 29th 2017, when Prime Minister Theresa May shocked us out of our complacency by formally starting us all on the Brexit nonsense(!). 

flashback to March 29th 2017: Prime Minister Theresa May

invokes Article 50 of the Treaty on European Union, formally

beginning the UK's withdrawal from the European Union

Since 2017, however, the day has fallen quiet again, which is nice!

And here in quiet, semi-rural Liphook, Hampshire today, I can also reveal that my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I have a busy but unproductive day 

[Busy but unproductive? Well, that's you too 'numpties' to a T, isn't it, Colin! Be honest !!!!  - Ed].

That's apart from Lois going out into the back garden to finish cleaning the rotary clothes-line and hanging out a few bits and piece from our respective rather stylish "wardrobes" (!).

My medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois finishes cleaning the

rotary washing-line in our back garden and then hangs out

selected items from our stylish wardrobes in the warming spring sunshine

I spend the day frantically cataloguing the jobs we want friendly local handyman Russell to do when he calls round, hopefully, on Thursday. We've got, like, a billion little jobs we want him to do. And Russell is a busy guy. He wants as much info (with pictures, measurements etc) on the various little jobs as I can give him - I can tell he's the kind of guy who "doesn't like surprises". Fair enough, I'm a bit that way myself [That's what I heard! - Ed]

I also design and print out my Mother's Day card for Lois, and wrap her gift, which takes me, like, a billion hours of "faffing about" - you know what I'm like !!!!

We get some nice news from Perth, Australia today, where our 47-year-old daughter Sarah lives, together with husband Francis and their 11-year-old twin daughters Lily and Jessica.

The family lived in Perth for seven years between 2015 and May 2023, then moved back to the UK for a year or two, before finally deciding to move back to Perth in September 2024. So Lois and I had the amazing pleasure of their company for just 16 months, before we had to say goodbye to them again - sob sob!!!

hello and goodbye: our daughter Sarah and family's brief "sojourn" in the UK with 

Lois and me: (left) their first meal with us after moving back to the UK in May 2023,

and (right) our farewell meal with them at the Royal Oak, Alcester, in September 2024

Well, Lois and I have had to accept it - they're back in Australia again, 9000 miles away, although we an see them and talk to them on whatsapp every Sunday morning at 9 am UK time (5 pm in Perth), which is some consolation.

Today, the "penny finally drops" with us, that they've done the right thing moving back to Australia. Sarah sends us pictures of the house they're just in the process of buying, together with news that Francis plans to build a big extension on the side of it.

That can only mean one thing: that Francis, who never seemed to settle down in the UK during those 16 months 2023-2024, is really enjoying life again, and is getting enthusiastic again, now that they're back in "Oz". And why not? They've got the blue skies and the sunshine. Plus, the Indian Ocean, which they'll be able to see from the bedroom windows, is just a 5 minute walk away.

 

What's not to like !!!!

Plus, Sarah and Francis have got the twins into the local private Church of England high school for next February - the whole family went for an interview with the headmaster last Monday, and later Sarah reported that the family "had passed the audition", so the future looks bright. And Lois and I, although we're missing them like crazy, can only feel glad for them that it's all working out.

21:00 We go to bed on ex-cabinet minister Michael Portillo's latest celebrity travelogue series, this time on Portugal, for Channel 5.

Tonight Michael is in the city of Coimbra, where we see him talking to some street musicians who specialise in the uniquely Portuguese song form, the "fado".

Oh those Lisbon male bastards again! Giving all us men a bad name! 

What madness!!!!

But there was also a serious side to the fado, a side which came to the fore during the 1960's when Portugal was dominated by Salazar's right-wing dictatorship, and was still ruling her many colonies in Africa and elsewhere with a rod of iron.

Yes, fascinating stuff, isn't it, and nice to remember how Salazar, as well as Franco, finally got swept aside in a joyous tide of rebellion back in the day.

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!