Thursday March 6th 2025 "Do you know the best place to turn off the A3? If you do, please tell our Satnav!"

"Exit strategies" - choosing when to make your exit. It's always a difficult choice, isn't it, even on motorways! 

And even my usually phlegmatic, medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois, who somehow manages to still live with me here in semi-rural Liphook, Hampshire (!), has noticed how stories about such motorway and major road dilemmas are filling the pages of our local Onion News at the moment - there's one this morning. 

All a bit scary isn't it!

Choosing the right moment to exit a burning building is another common dilemma, as this other local man found out: see the East Hampshire edition, page 94 for details!

You may not know me, dear Reader, but if you live locally here in semi-rural East Hampshire, you will probably know my name, often spoken in hushed tones (!). Yes, I'm that Colin, the one who's leader of the local U3A History of English group, no less!

And as for me, I'm considering my own "exit strategy", would you believe! My dilemma today is not whether, but when will be the best time for me to resign from one of this area's most prestigious roles: leader of the local U3A "History of English" group. 

I'm carrying a very heavy burden, because I also lead  the local U3A "Intermediate Danish" group, and quite frankly trying to "juggle" both of those "hats" is starting to prove one devastatingly mental load too many, as I said in my emotional email to members today. 

But we'll see - they may plead with me not to go, so watch this space!

[Stop being such a martyr, Colin - I've heard they're hoping you'll go, so that Joe can make a better job of it! - Ed]

I've got the perfect excuse now, because due to my wife Lois's current back problems I'm also temporarily officially taking over her ironing role, one of her more "pressing" responsibilities (no pun intended!).

Yes, you're talking to a busy man!

[That's not what I've heard !!! - Ed]

I iron one of my shirts, and some of Lois's nightwear (not shown)

"History of English" group leader, "Intermediate Danish" supremo, and now Ironer-in-Chief: something's got to give, hasn't it!

[You lazy bastard! - Ed]

Deciding when to sell your house - that's another "exit strategy" dilemma, isn't it. Lois and I only moved into this house in Liphook about 2 months ago, and we've never met the previous owners, apparently a guy called Peter and his "squeeze" Shirley-Ann - at least those are the names, and signatures, on the "memorandum of sale".

Now into our third month in this house, Lois and I, never having met Peter and Shirley-Ann, can't resist trying to build up a picture of them from observing how they've organised the house. 

They obviously didn't mind looking at themselves in bed, because they installed a massive wall's worth of mirrored wardrobes, something which most couples would find a bit off-putting. They also stuck a red heart on the ceiling, but for whatever reason they didn't take it with them when they moved out, whatever that means (!).

I wonder.....!

(left) flashback to October 30th, when Lois and I viewed the house

for the first time, and (right) as it is today, with mine and Lois's stylish

clothes filling the wardrobe space, and the couple's 

sweet little red heart still up there just under the ceiling . 

We've asked neighbours about Peter and Shirley-Ann, but until today we don't learn anything very helpful. And then this morning we finally get to meet neighbours from across the street Keith and Christine, the only residents in the street we haven't spoken to yet. 

And Keith and Christine say that that tour predecessors in this house, Peter and Shirley-Ann, came back to the UK last year after 4 years in Florida. They decided they just didn't like the house in Liphook any more, so they put it on the market. So presumably this house just wasn't sunny enough for them, maybe?

I wonder....! [You've done that one already! - Ed]

21:00 The master of masters of "exit strategy", however, must be Joe Stalin, don't you think? And we see an amusing film about his final "exit" this evening.

Lois and I didn't know that Stalin died after a young woman concert pianist sent him a note, saying that she'd prayed for him to go. This is the scene where Stalin finds the note, and reads it.

Poor Stalin !!!!! But it shows the power of prayer, and at least he died laughing, which is something he could be thankful for, we feel!

And there's also an amusing scene a bit later, where Stalin's cabinet come in and decide to lift him onto his bed, before jockeying for the honour of carrying the great man's head. "Stalin head-carrier" is regarded as the most prestigious role, so the honour goes eventually to the acting General Secretary . The cabinet then has to 'parcel out' which cabinet members should carry which other bit of the great man.

Fascinating stuff, isn't it!

And isn't it nice tonight to see the Fast Show / Brilliant Show's Paul Whitehouse, - a.k.a "Ted", and foreign TV news-reader Poutremos Poutra-Poutremos - showing us his more sensitive side, as well as his undeniable acting 'chops', playing Molotov, Stalin's brutal Foreign Secretary?

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!