Early start again - and Lois and I can't linger in bed, because the "buildings inspector" is coming at 9 am: yikes! He lives about a mile away from us and he arrives on time, and he's a chatty man.
Also he's more "our age": 67 - the internet says - so when he starts clambering up the loft ladder into our attic and then clambers backs down again, we are aware of a certain amount of puffing and panting, which is nice to hear. It tells us we're not the only "old people" in the town, which is always good for morale.
a typical "building inspector" checks somebody's roof space
The guy spends 2 hours with us in all, wandering about the house and garden on his own, and asking the occasional question. Also he asks to see the keys to our window-locks, so he can try opening all the windows. This entails a certain amount of searching as we keep the keys in a variety of places, because mostly we don't even use them - what madness !!!!!
Altogether it's quite nerve-wracking, in a different way from yesterday's visit from the "mortgage inspector", who was essentially just valuing the property. This guy today is here to see whether the house is falling down, or will require major structural work in the near future.
He also spots that we've got a blocked drain, which is a nice thought - not! Luckily he can recommend a drainage firm to do the work, so I give them a call. They will come round between 4 pm and 6 pm to clear the blockage. So no lounging in bed this afternoon - damn!
All in all, this is not the way Lois and I like to spend our days, to put it mildly - my god!
Lois and I again feel like limp rags by the time he goes, so we sit down with a cup of coffee and a couple of biscuits, and then go for a walk round the local football field to relieve our suppressed feelings of anxiety - my god!!!!
we take a walk round the local football field,
to relieve our feelings of repressed anxiety
Although we had a cup of coffee each before leaving the house, we decide that we can't pass the Whiskers Coffee Stand without getting a couple of flat whites.
We're not really hungry, however. However, we decide to "pick up a couple of tarts" while we're there, to have later in the afternoon. That's something to look forward to, no doubt about that!
we come back with a couple of tarts, one lemon
and one treacle, which I showcase here later
Meanwhile, next door at Nikki's house, her builders are continuing to work to demolish her old extension in preparation for building her a new one. So lots of noise coming from there - oh dear! Who will deliver us from this hell on earth haha!!!!
we continue to monitor the builders who are
working on demolishing our neighbour Nikki's old extension
We consider making a report of the work and sending a courtesy copy to semi-retired actor and film-star Michael Caine, spiritual leader of Britain's thousands of "nosey neighbours".
16:00 And as we have half our tarts and a cup of tea each, we take a brief walk, in conversation, down memory lane, to rediscover some of the magic of Caine's spiritual leadership through the years. "My name is Michael Caine and I ... am ... a nosey neighbour" - that was his catchphrase.
What a wonderful career Caine has had - and now it's hard to believe it, but he's 89 years of age, and every bit as nosey as ever.
Hail to thee, nosey person! You kept us out of war haha!!!!!
I hope that Sir Michael will be around to inspire us for many more years to come, but if he should kick the bucket, I've got my obituary ready for teenage poet, EJ Thribb (19.75 years) to use, if he's out of ideas:
So farewell then, Sir Michael.
"I am a nosey neighbour" - that was your catchphrase.
I think you'll find that, where you are now, your neighbours aren't really doing very much.
Copyright: me
teenage poet EJ Thribb (19 and three quarters) seen here in happier times
Later on, we take some further furtive peeks at Nikki's old extension, which is in the process of being demolished so that a new, bigger one can be erected.
You'd be proud of us today, Sir Michael, no doubt about that haha!
20:00 Lois disappears into the dining-room to take part in her sect's weekly Bible Class on zoom. To start with it's just her and Hilary online, and they start having a really interesting discussion, but soon a lot of men log in, and "take over", Lois says later. What madness !!!!!!
Meanwhile I settle down on the couch. One of my jobs, when Lois is busy on zoom in the evenings, is to "road-test" some of the new TV shows, especially those designed for young people, so that I can decide whether they're suitable for us, and whether they can teach us a lot of modern idioms and speech patterns, as well as general popular expressions pertaining to popular culture.
I look at the last two programmes in the current series of "Ellie and Natasia" on BBC3.
One of life's mysteries, to Lois and me at least, is the phenomenon of wild all-female "night out" celebrations - often focussed on a bride-to-be, the night before a wedding, or some similar occasion, when a group of usually modest and well-behaved women throw off all their inhibitions, and reveal the "animal" side to their natures.
So it's refreshing tonight to see one of these so-called "hen nights", where a group of girls have hired a local cinema, but this time there's a twist. And it's for Crystal's birthday, which is nice.
It turns out that the girls have hired a man for Crystal's "entertainment".
And no, this time it isn't a male model dressed up as a fireman or a policeman, which is an interesting twist.
It transpires that "the guy with the normal job" is called Alan Norris. And he works in the processing department of an accountancy firm in Bedford. And he's brought with him the minutes from Monday's HR meeting to show the girls.
The women become excited, and ask Alan how long and big his commute is. He explains that it could be anywhere between an hour and a half and two hours - it really depends on the traffic, it seems.
He gets his lunch out of his briefcase to show them. "It's tuna mayonnaise today", he reveals.
And instead of a corny "pole dance", the girls watch Alan doing "the tube ride", which, again, makes a pleasant change.
21:00 When Lois emerges from her zoom session I ask her whether she thinks there are commercial possibilities in a "routine" such as Alan's. Maybe women are getting fed up with the corny firemen and policemen that have dominated this sort of business for so long, do you think?
But we're not really sure, so the jury's still out on that one.
21:30 We go to bed a bit early. We're "whacked", no doubt about that - zzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!
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