Life isn't always easy, and I think we all like a bit of a reward sometimes, some little treat or self-indulgence, don't we, and for most of us, that's without taking it too far. But I think also that probably most of us know somebody like Maureen Pullman of Minge Lane, Upton, who's been in the local news a lot recently (source: Worcestershire Onion).
We've both been retired, Lois and I, incredibly since March 2006, so we're into our 18th year now. But back in the day, when I was still working at my hush-hush government job, I always made a point of buying a large Fry's Peppermint Aero chocolate bar at one of the building's sweet-shop concessions on Friday lunchtimes, to enjoy with my cup of tea on Friday afternoon - it was a secret signal to myself that "The Weekend Starts Here!", and I still remember those Peppermint Aero chocolate bars with an especial fondness.
my Friday afternoon treat at the office - a large
Fry's Peppermint Aero - yum yum !!!!!
flashback to 2020: my old workplace in its fictionalised form -
Sky TV's "Intelligence", starring US actor David Schwimmer (right)
After we retired, Lois and I still observed some of the old rituals from our working lives, giving each other treats on Sunday afternoons - not always something predictable, like a chocolate bar but varying it with "anything nice", to keep the magic going. It all got a bit out of hand during the lockdowns of 2020-21, when it was just the two of us rattling about on our own in the house, like two peas in a drum, consorting with each other 24/7, and looking back, I think we probably overdid our "treats" at times, just like local woman Maureen Pullman (see story above) !!!!
You may not be aware of this, but at the moment I'm a what-I-call "recovering hip-o-holic", having had a shiny new hip fitted inside me about 4 and a half weeks ago - don't worry, it was done by a proper surgeon and all. I didn't fall into the trap of getting a handyman to do it, and in any case, the surgeon's services were free on the NHS, so the price was right haha!
[How could we not be aware of your new hip, Colin - you mention it in practically every blog post you do at the moment. Give it a rest, will you! Give us all a break! - Ed]
flashback to early April: I relax over a typical NHS
hospital meal in my bed at the Queen Alexandra Hospital,
Redditch, and with some medical malarkey attached to my hand
Yes, I'm a what-I-call recovering hip-o-holic - and I expect you spotted the reference there to US comedian Richard Lewis and his angry, and some would say, callous, rebuff to a blind beggar on the streets of Los Angeles. Remember his somewhat curt response, "I got my own problems, I'm a recovering alcoholic!" ?????!!!!!
US comedian Richard Lewis (left) and what some would call
his "callous" rebuff to a blind beggar (right), who had approached
Richard, asking for the price of a coffee on the streets of Los Angeles.
And there's another annoyance, that of having to go upstairs or downstairs one step at a time, with one foot followed by the other on each step, left foot first when going up, and right foot first when going down, with the other foot "playing catch-up" - it takes for ever! [Really? "For ever???" - Ed]
Heineken "refreshes the parts other beers cannot reach", according to its makers. But I can still remember the unease I used to feel, growing up, on seeing the scared look on silent movie-star Fay Wray's terrified face - "Was she about to suffer a fate worse than death at the hands of a beer-sozzled gorilla?", I used to muse.
What a madness it all is! But it's now 4 and a half weeks since my hip replacement operation, so the end is in sight.
And when it's all well and truly all over, around the middle of May time, it'll be so great to be able to roll about in bed and also to hurtle up- and down-stairs again, that's for sure.
Do you remember those old TV commercials for Heineken beer that they've been showing for decades?
The commercials always had a comforting but vaguely Germanic voice-over - I think the early ads were maybe voiced by Danish-born musician and comedian Victor Borge. Nowadays it seems to be Dutch Formula One driver Max Verstappen.
Perhaps now, 60 years later, we can at last all be told, do you think?
Yes, around 1300 BC, back in the Bronze Age, two massive armies each probably thousands strong, and kitted out with the latest new-fangled state-of-the-art bronze swords, spears, clubs, daggers, arrows, axes etc clashed in the north of Germany determined to beat the s*** out of each other, and kill as many of "the enemy" as they could.
actress Fay Wray - did she suffer a fate worse than death
at the hands of a gorilla who'd had a few beers?
After all this time I think we should be told, don't you?
After my operation I desperately need something, or somebody, to refresh the parts that I myself can't reach. And like the Heineken beer-lover, the one post-op restriction that I'm loth to give up is the pleasure of having my wife Lois washing some of my parts, the ones I can't reach or am forbidden to reach, for fear of dislocating my shiny new hip.
I'm not allowed to take showers yet, and I'm not supposed to try to wash my back, my calves or my feet, as it happens.
Today, like every Sunday afternoon since my operation, Lois and I have a "session" in the bathroom and bedroom, where I sit on my "high chair", loaned to us free by the county health and care department, and I close my eyes with pleasure while Lois does the honours with her soft, feminine hands.
the highchair for assisted bathing, loaned to us
by the county health and care department
I sit and wait in the bedroom for Lois to come up and "spoil" me.
Look at that smile. I know when I'm onto a good thing,
no doubt about that haha !!!!
What luxury !!!!! I wonder if I can persuade Lois to continue "spoiling me" in this way, do you think, even after the 6 weeks post-op recovery phase is over and done with? And I could "pay her" by giving her breakfast in bed once a week, do you think?
[Be realistic, Colin! Lois is never going to "buy" that one! - Ed]
21:00 Do you ever despair of the human race, dear Reader?
It's one of my hobby-horses that we had our chance for global peace, reconciliation and universal democracy back in the 1990's - Boris Yeltsin was leading Russia, and even the Arabs experimented with their so-called "Arab Spring", but none of it lasted, did it. Vladimir Putin seemed to think that he had to invade the Ukraine because the idea of living at peace with your neighbours scared the living daylights out of him. And those other "dinosaurs", the Chinese, never subscribed for one minute to the "peace and democracy ideal" did they - remember Tiananmen Square 1989?
Well, the human race's belligerent spirit goes back a long way, as Lois and I realised again this evening, as we watch a fascinating documentary about what's believed to be the world's first-ever large-scale pitched battle, that took place in the north of Germany in or around 1300 BC.
the Tollense Valley in North Germany: site of what's believed
to be the first large scale battle in world history
The excavations began decades ago, but ironically progress was delayed by one of the more hopeful signs of the last 50 years - the reunification of Germany in 1990.
As of 2024, however, archaeologists have already found thousands of skeletons with horrific wounds, and it's believed only a fraction of the total battlefield has so far been excavated. And the finds have astonished historians, who always thought that northern Europe was a bit of a quiet, sparsely-populated backwater compared to what was going on in the Mediterranean lands at the time. But apparently not.
the state of some poor guy's skull - his "reward"
for agreeing to take part in this horrendous battle
museum display of some of the finds from the battlefield
We'll probably never know what this massive battle was all about. Nobody in Northern Europe knew how to write in those crazy far-off days, so there are no written accounts of the fighting, and the literate Romans and Greeks etc don't seem to have been aware of it, or maybe didn't much care - who knows!
There were a couple of wooden bridges and walkways that have been dug up in the battlefield area and there's been some speculation that the two armies were fighting for control of the bridges. Maybe there was somebody like Putin in charge of one of the two armies, and he decided that he must control the bridges and not let the other guys get hold of them, fearing what might happen if those other guys seized all the bridges, thereby "holding all the aces".
"Proto-Putin" may even have called it "a special military operation".
But what a madness it all was, wasn't it, looking back now !!!!
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!
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