Sunday July 28th 2024 "Is circumcision an acceptable topic at a family barbecue?"

Yes, circumcision and whether the topic should be barred at family barbecues - quite a question! 

But first, may I ask you yet another, even more personal question, dear Reader. Do you understand English? It's almost a sine qua non of reading this blog, isn't it, but I'm going to let that one slide for now - more of that later! [promises, promises! - Ed]

a typical "English as a Foreign Language" evening class

One of the most attractive (and useful!) features of our language is our wealth of words that begin with the delightful letter combination "kn-" (featuring a silent 'k', please note! - it's not considered "cool" to pronounce the 'k' any more - just saying!).

You may not have noticed this, but our Anglo-Saxon and other Germanic linguistic ancestors helpfully devised this 'kn-' opener for words as a bit of a "red flag" that something "knobbly" or "sticky-out" may be coming at you, so duck if necessary (just joking here, mind - actual, physical injuries are rare, thankfully!) !!!! 

nowadays we have to put up these signs

to comply with "Health and Safety"

- how much better (and cheaper!)

was the traditional 'kn' linguistic feature

- just saying!

There's "knob" and "knobbly" for starters, not to mention "knockers", knolls (a grassy hill that sticks out of the landscape, knops (small round protuberances of flowers, or buds), knuckles, knees and kneecaps of course.

Knockers tend to be unisex in our culture, but it's more than a little bit "Anglocentric" to imagine that that is a universal fact of life - because it isn't by any means. In the Middle East doors usually feature separate knockers for men and for women, as countless Bettany Hughes and Samira Ahmed-fronted Channel 4 documentaries have shown time and time again. 

Here's Bettany at a caravanserai in Azerbaijan on the Silk Route, and Samira at a medieval temple in Persia:

Talking point: how long before a third knocker is added; for "binary" callers? 

And, talking of that other "kn-" word, knees, thank goodness (!) Hollywood has at last removed that truly awful 1930's statue of an ageing film producer beckoning a budding female film-starlet to sit on his knee [Source: Onion News].

Yes, "kn- words" tend to have a definite sexual connotation, it has to be said. Knees play a crucial part in human relationships: agreeing to sit on the knee or lap of a potential sexual partner can send a definite 'yes, all right, go on then!' signal, and going down on one knee to make a marriage proposal can often be a sign of a longer-term commitment to that relationship. 

It's one of my own personal lifetime regrets that I never actually got down on one knee to propose marriage to my medium-to-long-suffering wife-of-52-years Lois, and I acknowledge here and now, that playing the Beach Boys' 1966 hit song "Wouldn't It Be Nice" to her, was no substitute whatsoever, but anyway, luckily it all worked out all right in the end, so that's a relief!

flashback to 1970: us, before we were married, and actually

the first ever picture of us together, on a late evening

listening to records at a self-catering cottage in Shropshire

And here are the words of "that song"....

But back to reality!! [Finally! - Ed]

16:00 Here we are 54 years later, and it isn't my knees I'm thinking about, it's poor Lois's, bless her. And her right knee in particular.

close-up: Lois's right knee

Not only has Lois been suffering from shooting pains round her left "ear-hole" for a couple of days, but today she trips over her own garden hose and scrapes and grazes her right knee on the patio. She's really "in the wars" at the moment.

It all started this morning, when Lois was watering the parched grass, fruit and vegetables in the back garden of our new-build home in Malvern, Worcestershire. After that, we had our usual 2 hours in bed in the afternoon, but when we came downstairs, she tripped over her own garden hose, and we had to "plaster" her right knee and leg with a massive band-aid. 

It's like the horrific scenes when Woody Allen, in his film "Play It Again, Sam", gets beaten up in a bar by a gang of "hairdressers", and we later see him being comforted by 2 friends after he got home:

flashback to this morning: Lois watering our

parched lawn with the very garden hose she trips over later

It could have been worse, admittedly - Lois's knee was grazed or scraped, and didn't actually bleed, which is a relief.

[Is that all you two "noggins" have done all day - spending 2 hours in bed in the afternoon, after a little gentle watering work? - Ed]

Well, seeing as how you're asking, absolutely not! 

At 4:30 pm, we're on the couch doing the puzzles in this week's Radio Times, for starters, scoring a creditable 7/10 in Popmaster, and another 7/10 in the intellectually more prestigious "Egghead" questions.

See how many of these "doozies" YOU know!

And when I say the questions are getting more and more obscure, to prove my point, just look at Question 1 in the Popmaster section, all about a so-called "Top 40 hit" by a one-hit-wonder group, i.e. a record that only got to position 31 at the very best, and could have just been a number 39. What madness to pick on something like that, and sheer luck that we can come up with the title between us!!!!

21:00 All in all, we're both pretty  tired by 9 pm, when we settle down on the couch to watch a rerun of the old Scottish sitcom "Two Doors Down" about neighbours in a Glasgow cul-de-sac.

Oh dear - after Lois's "knee scrape", we hardly need even more talk about injuries today, do we (!).  But that's what we get at this cul-de-sac barbecue in Beth's back yard, which is a pity.

Oh dear too much information there, Colin (Jonathan Watson) and new partner Anne-Marie (Sioban Redmond), especially in the context of a family barbecue - that's what Lois and I think anyway. Call us a pair of old prudes if you like haha!

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!