Water - it's so important to us humans, isn't it! As a drink it's a bit dull, but you can't deny it's useful for washing yourself with, flushing toilets etc. Personally I wouldn't want to wash in orange juice, or flush my toilet out with gin. It would cost a fortune too, to put it mildly!
Call me overly stingy if you like!
Yes, water's best for many things, but it's a precious resource, as was highlighted by a recent story in Onion News - did you see it?
But we've all been there, haven't we. We've all drunk an entire town dry at some point in our lives - especially when it's warm weather - it's wholly forgivable on occasion, that's what me and my light-to-medium wife Lois think, here in leafy Liphook, Hampshire, not a million miles away from that thirsty Mayor Moore, over there in Nether Wallop, would you believe!
But it's a constant worry isn't it, making sure not to overdo it with those cooling glasses of water.
my light-to-moderate wife Lois and me - a recent picture
Lois and I are newcomers to Hampshire, and today we get a real shock when we look at our first real water bill from local utility South East Water, because it actually looks as if we must have drunk the whole county dry over the last 8 months since we've moved here, to judge from what they're charging us !
Shome mishtake, shurely, shlurp shlurp haha!!!
since moving to Liphook, Hampshire in January - shome mishtake shurely !!!!
and (right) a poor old codger opens her door to a friendly South East Water guy, anxious
to help her understand her extortionate bill, and smooth everything over, before quietly emptying the old dear's wallet, which is nice!
And I notice that word "water" crops up more than once in the official list of "everything that can go wrong", recently released by US scientists after a long field-study. Did you see it [source: Onion News again], right there staring us in the face (!), on page 55,623 of their comprehensive report?
Nevertheless. this week now. we'll have to argue our case for a lower water bill with South East Water. Luckily Lois and I are paid-up "old codgers", and we discover that South East Water has an "old codger" register for those of their customers who are pensioners and other retirees and poor sods generally. The company claims that it makes special arrangements for all "old codgers", and (allegedly) take special "care" of them, and generally treats them as a priority. Well, we'll see!
a pair of anonymous crinkly old-codger hands (not ours!)
sift through some helpful leaflets from South East Water
Talking about things going awry, another of the findings from that US study of "things that can go wrong" was that "one of your legs grows four inches" - did you spot that one, second line from bottom?
Thankfully this particular disaster (!) doesn't happen to me today, I have to admit, but something similar happened to me in April last year. I had a hip replacement operation, which left my right leg a fifth of an inch shorter than my left leg, and the hospital orthotics department had to give me a tiny "lift" to put in my shoes to compensate. What madness!!!
flashback to April 2024: (left) I spend a few days in Redditch Hospital having
a hip replacement operation, but afterwards I get fitted with a free NHS "lift"
to put in my shoes, after my right leg was found to be 1/5 inches shorter than my left one
- what madness !!!!
But isn't the NHS supposed to be a national health service?
What a crazy country we live in !!!!
When it comes down to it [no pun intended!!!] people with different-length legs are people just like everybody else, and we pay our taxes etc etc, but we don't always get the respect we deserve, I find. Do you remember that episode of Are You Being Served, when Mr Humphries of the department store Grace Brothers' menswear section discovers and unusual pair of trousers, while going through some of the section's old stock?
sheep on some typical Welsh hillsides, where, for local sheep farmers,
odd-length-legged trousers are a necessity, not a luxury, to put it mildly!
Sheep, however, don't always get full credit for their flexibility etc as well as their other qualities, and Lois and I are delighted tonight, which is Quiz Night on BBC2, to see that somebody has selected "The History of Sheep" as his specialist subject on Mastermind tonight.
Here we see quizmaster Clive Myrie beginning his introduction of this week's four contenders:
Yes, the history of sheep - it's a much neglected study isn't it. It wasn't even offered as an option when I was at school, can you believe. And it's the fascinating sidelight which they're calling it the forgotten component in the UK's national history - the final piece of the puzzle, so nice to see it given its full value today for once, to put it mildly!
How many of these "doozies" did you get right? Lois and I learnt lots of new words - did YOU?
1. What name is given to the traditional method of shepherding without fences or barriers, that relies on the sheep's natural inclination [no pun intended!!!] to stick to its home range? Answer: hefting .
[That's enough unfunny puns! - Ed]
a bunch of sheep doing a bit of casual "hefting"
2. What's the traditional term for the coloured paste to mark a ram's chest at "tupping time" in order to identify mated ewes? Answer: raddle .
(left) applying "a nice bit of raddle" to a ram, and (right)
identifying which ewes that have been well-and-truly "raddled" (!)
Poor ewes !!!!!
3. The "lopapeysa" is a traditional knitted woollen sweater that originated in which country? Answer: Iceland.
Icelandic shepherdess sporting a traditional woollen "lopapeysa"
4. What name is given to the farming practice prevalent from the late 1700s to the early 1900s, in which sheep were herded into movable temporary pens so that their manure could fertilise the soil? Answer; "folding" .
"folding" sheep with temporary fencing, in order to move
their manure round the field to fertilise different areas
Who knew!!!!
Well Mastermind contender Robert Cohen certainly did - he wins tonight's heat and we'll be seeing him later this year in the semi-finals.
On top of being a sheep farmer, Robert finds time to be a lawyer, so "laws referencing sheep" would be an obvious candidate for a specialist subject - a no-brainer even - though I might just drop Robert a postcard c/o BBC2 with a few of my ideas. I'll make clear they're just "off the top of my head".
I won't bother Robert's sheep with my thoughts, or try asking them for suggestions - I know that "sheep worrying" is still a serious offence in this country, especially in Scotland, so I'd better be careful (!).
So watch this space! [I can hardly wait! - Ed]
Fascinating stuff, isn't it !!! [If you say so! -Ed]
Will this do?
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!
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