Danskcolin: Monday November 8th 2021

08:00 Lois's tummy upset is much reduced today, so at last Lois and I can have our much-postponed Friday afternoon shower, and as a special unprecedented measure we agree to share the clean-up afterwards. Lois will clean everything apart from the shower tray, sills and hair trap, which I will do. And my part is more work than it sounds, due to the getting down on my knees aspect haha!

An historic agreement, and technically the first such agreement since 2014, when our old bathtub was removed and replaced with a shower. Now that's what I call détente haha!!! [Stop messing about and get on with your so-called blog! - Ed]

flashback to 2014: our old bathtub is removed

so that a wall-to-wall shower facility can be put in

10:00 I look at my smartphone. My Hungarian penfriend, Tünde, has sent me an email about the state of the pandemic in Hungary. It looks like Hungary is currently the most infectious country in the world for coronavirus, which doesn't look good.

At the moment, Lois and I are waiting for our third (booster) jab of astrazeneca. We're officially down to get it on Saturday, so we're playing it extra cautious this week. Luckily what's laughably called our "social calendar" is completely blank, so that's going to be a help. [When is it not blank then? - Ed]

11:00 We decide to risk our usual walk on the local football field. We always wear gloves for opening and closing the gate, and we don't sit on a bench that anybody has just vacated, just to be on the safe side. There's a slight risk, admittedly, with ordering 2 coffees from the blonde Polish girl, but we decide to brave that and just use the hand gel when we get home - simples!

Sad, isn't it! What poor old souls we are haha!

12:00 We come home and Lois briefs me on developments in the art world, which she has assembled from her copy of "The Week" magazine, which gives a digest of news from the last 7 days.

Apparently a new 1.8m (5' 11") bronze statue of Greek-born opera singer Maria Callas, erected at the foot of the Acropolis in Athens, has been much ridiculed by the Greek media.

the new 1.8m (5' 11") statue of Maria Callas

erected at the foot of the Acropolis in Athens

People have said it looks more like a giant Oscar statuette, or a "Gandhi in heels". And operatic experts say that Callas would never have folded her arms like that, because such a stance would "block efficient voice production".

Lois points out that designers of female statues just can't get it right at the moment. There was the statue of Princess Diana at Kensington Palace, which detractors say looks more like TV sports presenter Clare Balding than the princess.

Prince William and Prince Harry at the unveiling of a statue

of their mother Princess Diana at Kensington Palace

It's true of course that Diana and Clare Balding are rather alike, but even so, Lois and I think the sculptor certainly got it wrong on this occasion!

sports presenter Clare Balding

The Princess Di debacle follows hot on the heels of the Mary Wollstonecraft statue "shitstorm", in which sculptress Maggie Hambling has been slammed for featuring a tiny naked woman with "copious pubic hair" on her tribute to the revered 18th-century philosopher.

Maggie Hambling's tiny statue of 18th century

philosopher Mary Wollstonecraft

You need a telephoto lens to take a picture of it - what madness!

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

19:30 Lois disappears into the dining-room to take part in her sect's weekly Bible Seminar. I settle down on the couch and watch an old episode of the 1990's sitcom "The Brittas Empire", which features Whitbury New Town Leisure Centre, and its well-meaning but unpopular mamager Gordon Brittas.

Synopsis of episode: Councillor Druggett arrives in another attempt to sack Brittas as manager of the centre. £300 is missing from petty cash, which Helen borrowed to buy a dog and things for it. Druggett gives Brittas an ultimatum: either he accepts responsibility for mismanaging the hotel and resigns, or his wife will be prosecuted. Helen has previous convictions and, fearing being imprisoned, she hides in the dog kennel. Brittas replaces the money, claiming he had taken it, and resigns.

With Brittas replaced as manager, the centre is busier than ever. But the new manager is untidy, disorganised, and apathetic, much to Brittas's disappointment. However, even as a visitor to the center, Brittas still manages to cause chaos: an accident involving a gas leak and a faulty clock causes an explosion and fire. After the centre is destroyed, Brittas is regarded as a hero. He is awarded a George Medal and offered his old job back.

Chaos and mayhem reign again in Whitbury New Town Sports and Leisure Centre.

The trouble starts when manager Gordon Brittas's emotionally-fragile wife Helen, in an unauthorised move, borrows £300 from the Centre's petty cash box to buy a dog, Dwayne, plus kennel, dog-toys, dog food etc.

The dog's "party trick" is to take bras off women, as Helen delightfully demonstrates here to weepy receptionist Carole and assistant manager Laura.

A potential downside occurs to me, however, because Dwayne can't manage the catch, and so just bites the bra off, but I'm going to let that one slide for now.

All's well so far!

But when Counciller Druggett, Head of the County Leisure Services, finds out about the unauthorised borrowing of £300 by centre manager Brittas's wife, he uses it as an excuse to force Brittas to resign and a new manager is installed in his place.

The new manager performs even worse than Brittas, however, and the Centre is soon completely destroyed by fire after a gas explosion.

Brittas, who is visiting the Centre at the time of the explosion, gets a chance to prove himself a hero by holding up the basement ceiling on his shoulders and rescuing staff, including receptionist Carole's three children, the ones Carole brings to work with her and keeps in drawers and cupboards in the reception desk area.

Brittas is at first thought to have died in the collapse of the Centre, and a tearful deputy manager Colin recounts his ex-boss's heroism to a local TV reporter.

Local reporter Janine asks a tearful Colin, "You were trapped in a basement corridor, Colin. Can you tell us how you got out?

And Colin replies, "It was Mr Brittas, Janine. He just sort of held up the ceiling on his shoulders. Like a rock, he just stood there, alone. And then the roof caved in. I'll tell you, though, Janine. At the bottom of that Centre lies a big big man!"

Who would have thought that mangy old Deputy Manager Colin could have such poetry in him. It just goes to show, you mustn't write anybody off, that's for sure.

There's a happy ending to the episode, however, because suddenly Brittas emerges from the Centre leading receptionist Carole's three children, including Ben, the youngest, whom Carole had mistakenly left in a ventilation shaft.

Thank god for that - everybody safe!!!! But what a fright Brittas gave us this week !!!!

Still, no harm done, eh?!

Tremendous fun !!!!

21:00 Lois emerges from her zoom session and we watch one of our favourite TV quizzes, Only Connect, that tests lateral thinking.

Lois and I have a few successes tonight against these 2 teams. Neither team could work out the 4th member of this sequence, for instance:

The answer is something on the lines of Costume Winner. The sequence is based on the NATO phonetics: (1) Oscar Papa (2) Quebec Romeo (3) Sierra Tango... Simples haha!!!

And nobody, it seems, for instance, knew that Lollipop, Painted, Michaelmas and Shasta are all types of daisy.