Friday November 17th 2023

Today should be a quiet day for Lois and me, as we prepare for the weekend visit of our daughter Sarah and her 10-year-old twins Lily and Jessica. The day starts early again, though, with a 8 am to 9 am delivery slot on the usual mountain of groceries from Morrisons. My goodness!

a typical Morrisons supermarket home delivery

And then later we take a "supplementary trip" out to the local OneStop convenience store to "top up" our food supplies with items that we forgot, or items for which Morrisons tried to make unsuitable substitutions - you've "been there" too, haven't you!

The trip to OneStop will hopefully "kill two birds with one stone", because there's a big sale coming up and Lois wants to plan her strategy, like Wellington before the battle of Waterloo (1815), or that local woman in the news - did you see the story on Onion News?

BELL END, WORCESTERSHIRE —Hoping to get the lie of the land before the big day arrived, area mother Alice Zeitman was reportedly casing her local grocery store Thursday ahead of a big sale.

“We need to make sure that the actual operation goes off without a hitch, so I’m gathering as much 'intel' as I can ahead of time,” said Zeitman, discreetly taking note of any potential obstacles during the first step in her elaborate plot to slip in and out of the shop while scoring untold canned goods, toiletries, and perishables.

“It’s a three man job—I’m the brains, my husband’s the wheel man, and my son Billy can wriggle into the tightest walk-in freezer and make it out with a box of chicken nuggets. This is going to mean a ton of planning, and a lot of luck, but if we do it right, we won’t have to get groceries again for weeks.”

At press time, the stakes had been raised considerably after Zeitman caught sight of a rival mum downloading the store’s schematics.

10:00 Meanwhile plans are taking shape for our back-garden, and local landscaper Adrian will be emailing his quote to us this weekend. At the moment we've only got a path and a shed-base, but it's a start isn't it!

flashback to November 10th - I showcase the 

path and shed-base that local landscaper Adrian has put down for us

But wait! Coming up next, this is our grand idea - exciting or what!!!

Tell me what you think of our plans! The concept is going to be a yin-and-yang garden with (1) a no-nonsense straight-edged "masculine" rectangular block of raised vegetable beds, made from 8'6" x 10" wooden railway sleepers, to the right, and (2) a curvy-shaped "feminine" flower bed to the left. 

See what you think! It's very "ying and yang" isn't it! And fully in tune with Chinese cosmology too - you have to admit that!

I'll wait for your views naturally before we accept Adrian's quote, but don't take too long writing me those postcards - we can't wait for ever, unfortunately, much as we'd like to!

It'll be important to get our yin and your yang balanced out too, especially this time of year when the winter solstice is just around the corner and all - any mum will tell you that, just like this local man got told by his mum in the news the other day:

LOWER WICK, WORCESTERSHIRE —Despite evidence that the planets are aligned in his favour, local pagan Jeff Birch, 27, said Monday that he would "rather have a peaceful weekend at home" than attend his family's Winter Solstice celebration on December 21.

"I realize it's supposed to be a festive time of symbolic self-burial in the womb of Mother Earth and all", Birch said. "But I just know that within an hour of arriving, things will get so bad that I'll be reverting to my 12-year-old self, hiding in the rec room downstairs, wearing my Celtic false face mask and fingering my runes for comfort. It's not worth it."

"Talking to Mum the other day, it was the same old manipulative 'You're coming home, right?'" said Birch, referring to a recent phone conversation with his mother, Freyja Birch. "If I hesitate for even a second, she piles on the guilt—like how this may be the last year Nana Hippolyta can perform the garden fertility ritual, or that without my masculine energy, the yin-and-yang balance will be thrown off—until I finally give in."

Poor Jeff !!!!!

20:00 Lois and I settle down on the couch and watch the first episode of a crime series we haven't seen before: "Murderville", a US-based series featuring ace detective Terry Seattle.

The series showcases a new "celebrity" approach to crime-solving, on the model of celebrity editions of game-shows, because each day Senior Homicide Detective Terry gets a different "celebrity sidekick" or "partner" to train up and show the ropes to.

And viewers can watch in person the fascinating scenes, as the two men chew over the latest homicide to hit the city - and having a celebrity along for the ride is certainly a fresh approach, and worth trying at least, Lois and I think!

Note: I've ringed tonight's "celebrity partner", Conan "Todd" O'Brien

A magician's assistant has been murdered, and in order to get some insights and delve further into the case, newbie celebrity-partner Conor "Todd" O'Brien goes undercover to try and gets to know this group of local moms, who have renounced magic.

And, as you'll see, O'Brien learns a valuable lesson - if you go "undercover", then you have to do your homework first!

In this first meeting with the moms' group, O'Brien is asked to give his "testimonial" to show why he too wants to "renounce magic".

At this point, O'Brien gives the testimonial he has concocted, based on a fabricated story from his childhood. He says, "I was a child, and I wanted to be a magician. So I practised and practised, and became quite the magician, a very good magician. 

"One day I went down to the schoolyard and I said, "Check this out, and I fanned out my deck [of cards], and before I could do anything else, they beat me. They beat me for 40 minutes, then they stopped, and they went and got ice-cream, came back and continued beating me."

At this point, the head mama becomes suspicious and starts to question O'Brien closely, asking what happened to the children who beat him up.

Uh-oh, O'Brien's so-called "testimonial" is beginning to unravel now, isn't it, you can tell !

Uh-oh (again)!!!! And let's hope these moms don't murder him as some form of human sacrifice. Lois and I will tune in next week and let you know the outcome in due course - and that's a promise!

Obviously O'Brien didn't do his homework for this undercover job, and didn't brush up on his state fishes - or is it "state fish"? I think we should be told, don't you!

But fascinating stuff, isn't it !!!!!

21:00 Lois and I discuss the case between ourselves. And I must say, the story brings back happy memories for Lois and me - we spent 3 years in the US from 1982 to 1985, and we learnt, with our two little daughters, all the state capitals, all the state birds etc. I don't remember the state fishes, but it was a long time ago now, so I don't think we can be criticised for that, do you? 

Cut us some slack now haha!

flashback to August 1985: we return to England from the US,

 with our two young daughters, Alison and Sarah, after 3 years in Columbia, Maryland

Happy days!!!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!