10:00 Halloween has dawned at last and by 10 am Lois is busy carving our pumpkin ready for this evening. Yesterday, we discussed what sort of character we wanted for our effort this year, and we've decided on "good-humoured" rather than "scary".
After all, today is the first anniversary of our taking ownership of this new-build house in Malvern, although we didn't move in for a week or so - as a result, this is, in a way, our first Halloween here, and we don't really know what to expect tonight in the way of trick-or-treaters.
Above all, we want the pumpkin to share our at-times slightly whacky sense-of-humour, so that he'll laugh at all the jokes we make - it's nice to have an audience isn't it! We also want him to smile in any photos we take today, and generally look pleasant.
Later in the morning I sit and chat to our pumpkin
and we share a joke or two, which is nice!
Lois and I have decided not to dress up ourselves this year, by the way. After long years of trying to scare little kids on our doorstep, we've decided that there's nothing scarier to little kids than the way we look normally. And that'll save us a lot of money into the bargain, so it's all good - and a win-win, definitely.
Did you read about local man Sam King in the Onion News today, the guy who'd been invited, with his wife, to a Halloween party near this estate only last night? Poor guy!
UPPER WICK, Worcestershire —Tossing and turning to no avail,
local man Sam King was seen squirming around yesterday as his wife placed him
in a Halloween costume against his will.
“Be a big boy and put it on,” wife Bridget King said as she tried to wrestle her husband into an adorable pumpkin costume ahead of a Halloween party, her spouse wildly kicking and wailing in agony.
Poor Sam !!!!!
14:00 After lunch we go upstairs for our shower and nap.
Outside, Persimmon's men are once again today trying to make the pavement look a bit less rough-and-ready, but, as usual, they do about 80% or so of the job, and then clear off.
Will they come back tomorrow to finish it? Well, they might do, but Lois and I aren't betting on it - that would be foolish prediction judging by past evidence, wouldn't it, to put it mildly!
You must remember this episode - you know, it's the one where Caroline's been invited to a glitzy ball where there are going to be lots of celebrities. She hasn't got a man to go with, so she decides to take Charlie, her male housekeeper. But then it turns out that Caroline gets called away on business anyway, and so her sexy mum Laura, played by Honor Blackman, goes to the ball in her place, accompanied by Charlie.
the view from our bed this afternoon, as Persimmon's men
work on perfecting the pavement outside our house
Will this madness ever end ????!!!!
17:00 As the sky grows dark, Lois puts our pumpkin outside the front door with a little nightlight inside it.
Lois lights the pumpkin outside our front door
our pumpkin (bottom right), as it looks from the street,
waiting expectantly and with a pleasant expression on its face
By the time I take the above photo (at about 5:30 pm), we've already had our first trick-or-treater. He's a four-year-old in a scary costume and he arrives at 5:05pm with his mum. Then just as we're thinking we're going to get off lightly this year, about 15 other little kids arrive at our house, proceeding in a long line, all with their mums.
By 6:45 pm we estimate that we've given away altogether 29 "no-fun-size" chocolates and other sweets. The kids had great costumes on, and were all very polite, all saying thank-you, which is nice. They were mostly under-10s, ending with a group of 5 slightly older, teenybopper girls at about 6:45 pm.
By 7 pm all goes quiet, so probably there'll be no more trick-or-treaters tonight, I'm guessing.
Later in the evening I do a recalculation - a week or so ago, we bought in 65 items of mini-chocolate bars and other sweets, and 29 have gone. leaving just 36 for Lois and me.
I would never have guessed in a million years that we could get quite so many little visitors. In our last house in Cheltenham, the house where we lived for 36 years, I don't think we ever got more than about 5 trick-or-treaters during any one Halloween. We think that that was because our previous house was on a main road, with plenty of space between each house, so demanding a lot of walking by little legs if they wanted to cover a minimum number of houses in half an hour, say.
Now that we're living on a housing estate, I can see that it's dead easy for mums to take their kids round a lot of houses in about half-an-hour, say, and in that time they'll probably collect as much chocolate and sweets in their little bags and jumbo-mugs as their mums are prepared to allow them anyway, so it's a no-brainer really, isn't it.
Later I enjoy a couple of mini-"no-fun-size" Milky Ways or Mars Bars, I forget which - and this is all Lois will allow me haha! But I know she's right, so fair enough!
17:30 Flashback to earlier in the evening, and while waiting for the next ring on our doorbell, we were watching tonight's re-run episode of the 1990's sitcom, "The Upper Hand", based on the US series "Who's The Boss?", which we remember enjoying during our 3 years in the States, from 1982 to 1985.
Does that "ring a bell"??? Yes, I thought it would!!!!
Two years ago, Caine had to deny rumours that he was finally retiring. See this tweet on a Danish news website, where Caine uses his other big catch-phrase: "Not a lot of people know that".
Lois and I are excited, because we know that the star guest at this glitzy ball is going to be our hero, veteran film actor Michael Caine, who is also, of course, spiritual leader of Britain's thousands of "nosy neighbours".
Here, to refresh your memory, are some of the highlights of Caine's long "second career" as a nosy neighbour, both in his real life and in his acting life.
some pictures of Caine as a young man, in real life, filmed by a documentary crew
at his bedroom window in Southwark, London - this was when he first uttered
the confession that was later to become one of his famous catchphrases,
"My name is Michael Caine, and I am ... a nosy neighbour"
Caine's growing fame as a "nosy neighbour" eventually helped him to get a succession of juicy screen roles, no doubt about that, although he later complained that he was being type-cast.
an older Caine in the lead role of "Harry Brown" (2009)
flashback to a few years ago: Lois "doing a Caine" one early morning
at the bedroom window of our former house in Cheltenham,
as, still in our nightwear, we monitor the suspicious delivery of
building materials to one of our near-neighbours across the road.
flashback to the 17th century: the original "nosy neighbours",
joint monarchs William-and-Mary, monitoring their neighbours
through the windows of their bedroom in Kensington Palace, London
And tonight, as Lois and I settle down on the couch to watch this old episode of "The Upper Hand", and we see Charlie getting ready to go to the glitzy ball, Lois and I know that we're going to be seeing a lot of people doing crap Michael Caine impressions tonight.
Oh dear, and we're not far wrong, as people say in these parts! My goodness no!
Oh dear, enough already! But as Charlie and Laura prepare to leave for the ball, excitement is building, there's no question of that, both on-screen and also here on our sofa, as Lois and I wait expectantly to see our hero and spiritual leader.
oops - another mistake by the subtitle-writer: obviously
"oil painting" is what was actually said. I don't know!
You just can't get the staff these days, can you!
And oh dear (again) - it's another let-down. The distinguished-looking grey-haired guest turns out not be Michael Caine at all: it's just Derek Jameson, the tabloid newspaper editor from the 1970's and 1980's - someone who, to be frank, Lois and I had completely forgotten about, so we had to wait for the show's final credits to find out who he was.
We're getting old, no doubt about that! [You don't say! - Ed]
[And that's more than enough about Michael Caine too! - Ed]
19:30 Lois disappears into the kitchen to listen to take part in a special seminar convened by her church's local Chief Elder, Andy on zoom.
And while she's busy, I sneak a couple of mini-"no fun size" Milky Ways - but that's just our secret. Don't tell Lois, will you. Let's hope she hasn't been counting haha!!!
When Lois emerges from her seminar, we get ready for bed by watching an old episode of the 1970's sitcom "Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em", starring Michael Crawford as Frank Spencer, DIY-enthusiast and one-man disaster area.
Tonight Mr Denham from the local council's housing department arrives to evict the Spencers from their house, saying it's now unsafe, following Frank's many ham-fisted DIY repair efforts.
And that, dear readers, is how you do it, if you're retired and find yourself living in Malvern: pumpkins, shower, bed, chocolates, telly and bed (again).
[I want to caution readers here, please NOT to do it like that, but to find some other way of "doing it", pretty much any way, if you've got any sense, that is! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!
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