Here's a question - excuse me if you see it as slightly personal, but I've just got to know! And give me an instant "knee jerk" reaction if you can. Don't "overthink" it, if possible!
Anyway here's the thing - this is the question: How do you react when you get a marmalade stain on a favourite shirt or blouse, or maybe a favourite pair of trousers, or a dress perhaps?
So far, in the replies that I've had on an informal basis locally, I can group them under two main headings, and the first one is the one I'm calling "The Thomas Newcomb Approach".
You've probably seen Tom on the bench in Victoria Park occasionally, if the sun comes out. And he's probably the guy around here who most epitomises what I call the "badge of honour" approach to marmalade stains. He's been talking about it to the local Onion News website.
And he refuses to just "laugh off" such marmalade stains as just one more of life's petty annoyances, and I admire that. It's quite a seductive approach, isn't it, and I have to say, that Humphrey's analysis is slowly starting to win me over.
You've got to admire Humphrey's no-nonsense "can do" approach, and his downright refusal to just lie down and accept that unfortunate incident with the marmalade, haven't you. And maybe there's a lesson here for all of us, do you think?
Well, you've probably guessed. It isn't the moon and it isn't Great Britain, is it. It's the dimensions of the so-called "Bermuda Triangle". The Bermuda Triangle isn't quite a triangle because it's not on a flat surface, because the earth isn't flat - "Flat Earthers", please take note haha!!!
Anyway, right here on the local Onion News is the man himself, to tell you where he's coming from on all this.
local web pundit and "influencer"
Albert Humphrey (62)
Now, here comes "the science bit", plus the obligatory "health warning". Sorry, but writers on marmalade issues have got to include this these days - annoying isn't it, but it could save lives, so I'm willing to go along with it. So here it comes.....
Health warning: spreading marmalade on bread or toast can easily lead to stains on trousers and other garments.
20:00 Lois and I settle down on the couch, and wind down for bed with this week's edition of one of our favourite TV quizzes, Only Connect, which tests lateral thinking.
health warning - spreading marmalade on bread or toast can easily
lead to unpleasant stains on trousers and other garments
"But why Colin's sudden concern about marmalade stains?", I hear you ask. I think you've probably guessed by now, haven't you!
Yes - it's finally happened! Lois's legendary January 2022 home-made marmalade batch that once filled 10 one-pound jars in our larder, has now officially "run out", Lois reports.
And without a pause for breath, she's begun her January 2024 batch - what a woman I married, there's no question about that ! Nine Seville oranges and 2 lemons, plus some other minor ingredients, are doomed now to become jars of marmalade, and it's all now just a question of time.
Lois this morning squeezing the 2 lemons and showcasing
the 9 or so Seville oranges that we bought this week from
flood-hit Warner's Supermarket at Upton-on-Severn
as night falls, Lois further showcases the cut-up bits
of orange etc in her preserving pan - all ready for the Big Day tomorrow
Tonight is the second of the two semi-finals in this year's competition, and there are some real "doozies" amongst tonight's questions, as we fully expected!
Can YOU see the link between these 4 "things"?
So scalene spherical? Well, it's scalene because its sides aren't of equal length, but it's also sort of curved, because it's measured on a globe, which is why the 3 angles don't add up to 180 degrees. They add up to slightly more, because you need slightly more of an angle to place it on top of something that's convex instead of flat.
Simples, really, when you think about it, isn't it! [What are you talking about, Colin?! - Ed]
And, after that "bombshell", how much do YOU PERSONALLY know about the life of Napoleon, for example? It's a tricky one, because there are so many myths and misconceptions flying round about the guy, aren't there.
The so-called "gesture of leadership" refers to Napoleon's habit of having his hand in his waistcoat in order to look statesmanlike. The idea that he was always feeling uncomfortable because of a stomach ulcer is a complete myth.
Napoleon with his hand in his waistcoat
- not true that he had an ulcer
As for Napoleon's height, it's often said that he was only 5ft 2in, but this is a misunderstanding of the old French inches - he was maybe 5ft 5in, which was average for the period.
And as for bedroom advances, it's also a myth that Napoleon ever said "Not tonight, Josephine" to his wife. If anything, it was likely to have been Josephine who was the reluctant one - we have loads of passionate letters that he wrote to her, and to which her stock reply seems to have been, "Sorry, I'm a bit busy right now".
What a madness it all was, though, wasn't it !!!!
[That's enough madness for today. I don't want you getting overexcited at this time of night! - Ed]
"Not tonight, Josephine!" - but apparently
Napoleon never said this - who knew?
Finally, in the music question the teams hear 4 songs, and they're asked to identify the link between them.
All the four songs turn out to have palindromic titles: (1) "2112" by Rush [who they? - Ed] [Search us! - Colin and Lois], (2) "Mmm Mmm Mmm" by the Crash Test Dummies, (3) "Bob" by Weird Al Jankovic, and (4) "SOS" by Abba.
Later, Lois and I check the lyrics of "Bob" on the web. Here's a sample of some of the lines:
What madness !!!! [Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!
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