13:30 Do you remember that Dorset hillside that has a tall chalk figure carved in it, the so-called "rude one"? You know which one I mean, don't you.
Well, according to a new bombshell study from Oxford University, back in the 8th century AD a big 200 ft tall rude man carved in chalk was a Dark Ages sign for an army "meeting point" or "muster station".
the Cerne Abbas Giant, carved into a chalk hillside
in Dorset was an Army Meeting Point 1300 years ago
- what madness !!!!!
Who knew that? Well, it's true, as reported on the Guardian website, an article which Steve, my American brother-in-law, has just shared with me today.
Nowadays of course, a simple sign like this one at Aldershot, seems to suffice. But you see, people can read nowadays, can't they. Got that? So in those crazy times, the idea of having a drawing of a big 200 ft tall rude man, that you can see for miles around, is all starting to make a lot of sense now isn't it!
the modern equivalent of the Cerne Abbas Giant
- a nice welcome sign, telling soldiers where to go
And it's thought now that the chalk giant was probably a vital sign for welcoming Anglo-Saxon soldiers coming to join the English Army at a time when this whole area was being attacked by Viking warriors. Remember that the very earliest encounter that the English had with the Vikings was at nearby Portland, Dorset, when a bunch of Viking ships came into the harbour, in 789AD.
Yes, there's an email come in from Buckingham Palace, no less !!!!
The local reeve tried to persuade these Vikings to pay Portland's harbour tax, but the Vikings were notoriously tight with money, weren't they. And they decided to just kill the reeve, thereby saving a whole heap of cash, and then went off with a bunch of English maidens.
Later this year, this event will be a double blessing for our daughter Alison, who's Josie's mother. At the moment she spends a lot of time ferrying her 3 children to and from school and to and from other events at weekends or in the evenings. If Josie passes her test and drives herself to school, she can also take with her her sister Rosalind (15), who'll hopefully be starting at the same school in September.
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And if you're not already a regular reader of Dudek's humorous column, here's a bit of background on the guy.
And if you're a publisher why not snap up his memoirs before somebody else does!
A fascinating start to the series, with spectacular visual sequences.
Fascinating stuff !!!!!
It's totally absorbing to see this fly-on-the-wall documentary about the Kemp brothers, ex of Spandau Ballet, but at the same time also a bit sad in a way.
That makes sense in a sort of way too doesn't it!
"What was a reeve?", I hear you cry. Well, the "reeve" was just an early incarnation of a "sheriff". Sheriff = "shire reeve" i.e. "the county reeve". Geddit?
a typical Anglo-Saxon reeve, an early form of sheriff
So, those Vikings got away without paying the harbour tax. But did they also avoid paying the "maiden tax", I wonder?
Well, the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle isn't specific on this point. My guess is that the Vikings said, "Look, lads, we're in a bunch of trouble already, having killed the reeve and defaulted on the harbour tax, why don't we just get out of here and when we get back to Denmark maybe put a cheque in the post for the harbour tax and the maiden tax."
But who knows? These were the Dark Ages after all, weren't they.
flashback to 789AD: the English watch in alarm, as a bunch of Viking
ships arrive from Denmark, and proceed to murder the reeve
and carry off a few maidens: all without paying any tax,
which was a bit cheeky, wasn't it - be fair!
14:00 A text comes in from our daughter Alison who lives in Headley, Hampshire with husband Ed and their 3 teenage children. Lois and I often say that people know they're getting old when they see their grandchildren learning to drive, And so it proves!
Our first grandchild, Josie (17) has been taking driving lessons, and hopefully she'll be able to drive herself to school in a few weeks if she passes her test. My goodness !!!
our youngest grandchild Josie (17), is learning
to drive: she took a practice drive to her school
near Guildford, Surrey today with her
dad, our son-in-law Ed in the passenger-seat.
Don't kids grow up fast these days. Look at our little Josie learning to drive already! It seems like only yesterday that she was born, in the Royal Surrey County Hospital in Guildford.
Do you remember that day?
Flashback to 2006: Alison with little Josie on the day she was born....
Awwwwww!!!!!
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...and the day after - now 1 day old. Awwwwww (again) !!!!!
Yes, it's all good news for Josie's parents now isn't it, having a third person in the family able to drive a car!
Or is it....!
And I know what you're all thinking about - yes that article in The Onion by humorous columnist Roger Dudek, the article that "went viral" exactly 11 years ago this Wednesday!
How's that for a father's lament!!!! And before you read on, let me give you a bit of helpful background information here - in the US the driving age is ONLY SIXTEEN! I think you can see now why Dudek is so concerned about his twin daughters, can't you !!!!
That poor guy !!!!!!
19:30 Lois and I wind down on the couch with a fascinating part 1 of a new documentary series "Wild Scandinavia".
Lois and I didn't know that the shoals of Atlantic herring that seek shelter in Norwegian fjords are sometimes as large as 3 billion strong. Imagine that - seeing 3 billion herring all swimming together! You and I can imagine that and then go on to think about something else maybe, but I can see that to the local orca and humpback whales, it's their wildest fantasy come true - "food unlimited". My goodness!!!
Did you know, however, that orca and humpback whales have totally different ways of eating herring? The orca like to eat herring one at a time and really savour them, whereas humpback whales like to open their mouths wide and "hoover up" catering packs of the herring, hundreds maybe, all in one mouthful?
Yes, the orca are the gourmets of the Norwegian herring-eating scene. They like to "corral" a bunch of herring, drive them to the surface, stun them with their flippers, and then eat the unconscious fish one at a time. All the time the orca have to hope that they'll be lucky and not attract a bunch of soulless, boorish humpback whales in the process, because the humpbacks will just wolf down hundreds of the herring in a second.
a typical bunch of orca arrive, looking forward
to feasting on a shoal of Atlantic herring
And that's also why orca looking for a quiet, undisturbed "herring feast" will often target trawlers, catching the herring that fall out of the trawlermen's nets or off the deck of the trawler. Pickings are slim, but this puts off the boorish humpbacks, so the "gourmet" orca can feed in peace, really savour each herring, and maybe discuss each one with their fellow orcas in their strange sub-sonar voices - who knows?
See? It's beginning to make a lot of sense now, isn't it!
And don't you just love that Swedish-born actress Rebecca Ferguson's intonation, when she does the voice-overs? She speaks the commentary in ordinary English intonation generally, but as soon as she encounters a Scandinavian place-name, like for example Lo-fot-en (as in the Lofoten Islands) she pronounces it in a slow sing-song-y kind of a way, that's just darling! What a woman!
Do you think Rebecca would agree to have regular phone-calls with me, just so I can hear her voice? No funny business!!!!
[You must be crazy if you think a lovely Swedish woman like Rebecca Ferguson would be interested in talking to an ageing stick-insect like you, Colin! - Ed]
And the controversy of the competing orca vs. humpback styles of eating herring raises a much wider question, doesn't it.
What's the best way to eat peas? Is it better to squash a few on the back of your fork or to "scoop up" a big bunch of the bastards on the front of your fork?
I suspect that that guy who coined the bon mot "Peas is good food" would have something to say about that issue. But who was that guy? My dear sister Kathy told me about him years ago, but I can't remember - was he ex-US-military? I think I should be told, don't you? I'd like to submit his name to the people who publish "Bartletts Familiar Quotations", because so far the guy's bon mot has been a notable omission from their reference works, as I expect you've noticed!
21:00 Lois and I get ready for bed with an interesting fly-on-the-wall TV reality documentary about the everyday lives of ageing 1980's pop-singing brothers Gary and Martin Kemp, ex-members of the pop group Spandau Ballet.
It's sad to see Gary and Martin constantly bickering and trying to do each other down, for example in the murky business of "who's going to get the knighthood in King Charles's new year's honours list", a typically shabby and demeaning struggle between the two siblings.
Their manager has been working hard to improve the guys' waning profile in the pop business, engineering a merger with Francis Rossi of Status Quo, to form the "supergroup" Spandau Quo. And not only that, but this morning he's got some especially good news for the boys.
And apparently King Charles wants one of the boys' names down on the list of prospective knighthoods on his first ever New Year's Honours lists, and he's sent the invitation letter to the boys' manager.
Alan Cumming [the ageing Scottish actor - Ed] has sent his invitation back to the Palace, so now there's an empty slot, which the King wants to fill as a matter of urgency.
But which of the two brothers is the King earmarking for the award - is it Gary or is it Martin? There's a bit of a cliff-hanger moment now, until John, the guys' manager, announces the King's choice.
Martin's brother Gary is understandably not happy about the King's' decision.
Later, however, it's heart-warming to see Gary apologising to his brother for making a fuss, saying that he's genuinely pleased that Martin has been offered the award.
The two men's manager, John, sounds a note of caution, however.
He says that some artists might feel it's not very cool to accept a knighthood. And he explains, "It's just that Knight of the British Empire (KBE) is a bit of a poisoned chalice these days, isn't it. I mean nobody wants to be seen as a white guy who loves Empire. That's why [ageing Madness lead singer] Suggs turned his down. You want to reach a new audience, don't you? And with one of you being part of the 'Establishment', it might make you seem a bit of out of touch. I mean the British Empire built this whole country on the back of slavery, pillage and child labour.
"But if you can live with the fallout, then crack on!"
Disappointed brother Gary reinforces their manager's verdict, that knighthoods just aren't "cool". And Martin is reluctantly forced to agree. He certainly doesn't want to end up being "cancelled" so, persuaded by the two men's grim verdict, Martin gives way and asks John their manager to write to the Palace, turning the award down.
End of story? Well, not quite.
When the New Year's Honours List is eventually revealed, it turns out that, after Martin turned his knighthood down, his brother Gary accepted a knighthood in his place, as the two men find out when they turn on their TV.
However, Lois and I find it simply riveting to watch these fly-on-the-wall documentaries. You certainly find out what REALLY goes on when celebrities get together with their friends and families, don't you, and it's "warts and all" time again, isn't it, to put it mildly!!!!
Fascinating stuff !!!!!
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!!!
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