Danskcolin: Sunday January 14th 2024

Dear reader, do you sometimes have trouble pronouncing the name of the county, Worcestershire, where Lois and I live? I think, you do have a problem, don't you, although you probably don't like to admit it!

You've probably seen our county welcome signs, sponsored by up-and-coming sauce-makers George Watkins, as you've been driving in from some neighbouring county - Warwickshire maybe, or Gloucestershire perhaps, names which are way easier to say, aren't they haha !!!!

And if you are having trouble, which you probably are, here's my helpful mini-guide:

But that's not the end of the story. And in a delightfully timely news item on what's obviously been a slow news day, the Worcester News website has been warning visitors about other prominent "pronunciation traps" in the county, traps that will mark you out as a "foreigner" the moment you open your mouth, that's for sure!

And in case you're tempted to say, "That's not big news!", I ask you to note that Worcester News has put their ace junior cub-reporter Phil Wilkinson-Jones on the story, no less !!!

I know you're all busy - it's probably Monday morning by the time you're reading this, so I've condensed Phil's maybe unnecessarily long dissertation on the subject into another helpful mini-guide, as follows.

This is how Phil told the story:

Bevere

If you’re new to the area, Phil writes, then you’d be forgiven for thinking Bevere is pronounced Beveer.

Bevere Lock on the River Severn, Worcestershire

Worcester News reader Karan Empson said: “I always said Beveer until about two years ago. My nan lived around the corner and I never knew!” Heather Gaylard added: “I did when I first moved to Worcester years ago and then a friend laughed at me.”

For the record, it’s pronounced ‘Bevery’, and sort of rhymes with "every".

Kempsey

Ace reporter Phil writes further.... Here's another mispronunciation that instantly marks out newcomers to the area - how are you supposed to know that the ‘p’ in Kempsey is silent and it’s actually said ‘Kemsey’? Abby Fennell was among the readers to point out: “People always say the ‘p’ but it’s actually silent.”

Leigh/Leigh Sinton

...and as [Worcester News reader] Stuart Blake points out: “Both [these villages] should be pronounced to rhyme with 'lie', not 'lee'.”

Malvern

"I thought Malvern was a fairly straightforward one to pronounce", Phil comments at this juncture, "but it seems many residents have heard people getting it wrong. The most common mistake seems to be people pronouncing it with a short ‘a’, as in malice, [when it should be like the long 'a', as in 'mall']."

Evesham

Phil then adds, "I wouldn’t necessarily class this as pronouncing it wrong, but a number of readers on our [Worcester News] Facebook page have picked up on the way some people say Evesham. John Smith said: “Locals put the emphasis on the second ‘e’.”, i.e. "ee-VUSH-um". "

Phil Wilkinson-Jones, Worcester News' junior ace-reporter

who got the kudos for the original scoop for this story.

Here, Worcester News' ace junior-reporter Phil ends his article with a plea to the website's readers to send in additional examples, and it's not too much of an exaggeration, I think, to say that two comments were soon "flooding in".

Just look at these 'doozies' !!!!

Falik Simbal, on 14th January at 7:33 am, writes "Guarlford is actually 'Garlford', not 'Gwarlford'."

And Jayne Lewis, on 14th January at 7:58 pm, writes: "Maybe less well known, but a rather quiet, pretty village betwixt [sic] Evesham Pershore and Upton Snodsbury, except when the Ford is in flood, is Norton Beauchamp. It is pronounced Norton Beecham."

08:15 I discuss this article in bed with Lois. We recall it well, but you also probably saw it yourself, when those villages named by Jayne hit the headlines a couple of years back.

Remember? That was when they were honoured by a visit from Santa Claus and a bunch of his elves, which was a big event locally.

Incidentally, I personally happen to know that the village called "Peopleton", one of the places visited by Santa on this occasion, is actually pronounced "Pippleton", but ace-reporter Phil missed that one, evidently.

Oh dear - bad Phil !!!

The last word on this subject, however, must go to local resident Gaseous Clay (crazy name, crazy guy!) who posted this comment on the website on 14th January at 12:26 pm:

Clay writes: "Ok so [it's not in Worcestershire but] the strangest one I heard was when [UK Home Secretary] James Cleverly pronounced Stockton as S***hole."

Enough said, I think haha!!!

local resident Gaseous Clay (crazy name, crazy guy!)

08:30 Well, that was a lot of fun wasn't it, and thanks to seeing that article on our smartphones Lois and I find ourselves already laughing in bed, even before we get up this morning, which is nice. Let's just hope that the raucous laughter and shenanigans coming from our room didn't wake up our daughter Sarah and her 10-year-old twins Lily and Jessica, who arrived yesterday to stay the weekend with us.

We normally try to "keep it down" until we hear them all "getting up", which, as hosts, is only common courtesy isn't it.

For Lois and me, our main job this morning will be to keep the twins out of Sarah's hair so that she can get on with some unpaid overtime work from her accountancy job in Evesham. Or, as Lois and I are going to call the town in future, "ee-VUSH-um", a pronunciation, incidentally, that neither of us have ever heard in our lives. And nor has Sarah, as we find out later.

So the jury's still out on that one, ace reporter Phil haha!!! Did you make that one up just to "beef up" the rather weak story-line a little? I think we should be told, and quickly haha!!!!

flashback to 2015: Sarah (second from right) gathers with her

colleagues to celebrate the firm's 80th birthday.

Lois has decided to give her usual church-attendance a miss this morning, so that we can help Sarah out by entertaining the twins - it goes to prove the old adage, "Once a parent, always a parent", even when your "child" is 46, as Sarah is. My goodness, it never really stops, does it. And anyway, we secretly love looking after the two girls - they're such a delight.

In the morning we played Cluedo with the twins in the kitchen, while Sarah worked on her laptop upstairs.

At around 1pm, Sarah takes a brief break for lunch and joins us for a simple meal of beef slices and horseradish sauce in a bread roll, plus a saucer of baked beans, followed by lemon jelly and yoghurt for dessert - yum yum!

14:30 All too soon, it's time for our visitors to go back to their temporary rental-home in Alcester, Warwickshire [nb: pronunciation: "al" as in "mall" again, so it's like 'allster'], to see how husband Francis has been getting on with the paperwork for their projected house-purchase. The family came back from 7 years in Australia last April, and are looking to buy a house, and guess where it is: yes, you're right, it's just outside "ee-VUSH-um".

In this photo below, Sarah, who's already loaded up her car, showcases some of the imaginative arts-and-crafts work that the twins have been completing. Behind her, on the piano stool, you can see one of their favourite stuffed toys, Black and White Cat, working at the cardboard "laptop" that the twins have made for him, plus a print that the plush cat has just produced from his shiny-new cardboard "printer", also constructed by the twins.

Sarah pauses to rest, after loading up the car, here showcasing,

behind her on the piano stool, the cardboard "laptop"

and cardboard "printer" that the twins have fashioned

for Black-and-white-cat, their favourite stuffed toy

Awwww !!!! How sweet they are !!!! I wish I could be 10 years old again haha !!!!!

But now it's time to say goodbye. And when she goes, Sarah pays Lois and me the sweetest compliment. She says that 36 hours with us is like "doing a reset on her life". Awwww, Sarah, thanks so much - it's a complete pleasure!

Lily's little face in the car-window, waving us goodbye,

as Sarah drives the twins back to Alcester.

Awwww!!!!!

By the way did I tell you how to pronounce "Alcester"? [Yes you did, and I don't want to read one more word about crazy local pronunciations! - Ed]

Included for comparison purposes: flashback to 1955-6 and me aged about 9 or10,

with my little sister Kathy, in an age where iPads hadn't been thought of,

and all you had to play with were tricycles and swings in your back garden

22:00 Lois and I watch "something on the telly", but we're too tired to take most of it in, as it turns out. I remember that we manage to see, without dozing off more than for a few minutes, tonight's programme in the "Antiques Roadshow" series, the series in which members of the public bring along old family heirlooms from their attics and have them discussed, and valued, by antiques experts in the relevant field.