Danskcolin: Monday January 20th 2025 "Do YOU get sudden anxieties when you're having a bath?"

Yes, here's a bit of a "stinker" of a question for you this morning, Readers! Do YOU get sudden anxieties when you're having a bath, or going to the loo maybe?

Most of us do, don't we, although not sexy local career woman Jessica Barrett, seemingly (!), according to reports. She seems to be totally immune to this kind of insecurity, but I don't know what her secret is.

Did you see the story about her in the local Onion News this morning? Yes, it seems that nearby Nether Wallop's sexiest resident is going to be generating a lot of steam again tonight? If so, and you live in the Nether Wallop area, I expect you'll be seeing those steam clouds pouring out of all her "vents" (!) on your way home tonight - yes, that again (!).

My medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I always think it's quite sad, whenever we read about Jessica's bathing plans in Onion News' popular "Your Baths Tonight" feature, that she still hasn't met "the one", "Mr Right" or even "Mr Not Hopelessly Wrong", even, but we think it's probably only a matter of time - any takers haha?

On the other hand, let's look on the bright side - Jessica seems to live alone, so she isn't bothered by knocks on the bathroom door, and also, she doesn't need to worry about her carefully-arranged-on-sumptuous-bed, post-bath nightwear getting "fingered" or otherwise disturbed while she's in the tub, unlike some ("no names, no pack drill" haha (!)).

We always thought that one of the most disturbing aspects of the 2020 US presidential campaign was this little story, that you may have overlooked {Source: Onion News again].

[That's enough Onion News stories! Ed]

It's a bit of a commentary on our crazy fractured world of politics today, isn't it. And it gives Lois and me something to "chew over", with maybe just the wryest of wry smiles playing on our lips, during our morning walk today through Liphook's iconic "Radford Park" park, which is only about 100 yards away from the house we bought here in the town, just 17 days ago.

we take a walk this morning through Liphook's iconic Radford Park,

and I stop to take a breather on local resident Nigel Marr's

"Rest a while and enjoy it" bench.

And, later, our wry amusement is heightened in bed this afternoon, by an amusing Venn diagram-style "take" on the vexed subject of "Bathrooms and Trust, and Trump's Greenland plans", emailed to us by Steve, our American brother-in-law.

And we have to admit that we didn't know (Diagram 2) that hippos spun their tails whilst defecating. Hippos, despite their bulk, are a bit "thin on the ground" in Liphook, to put it mildly (!), exactly zero of them in Radford Park on today's evidence, seemingly (!).

However, we did learn last week during one of our favourite TV quizzes, "Only Connect", that dogs in a stable magnetic field, prefer to defecate and urinate on a north-south axis. Who knew?

flashback to last Monday: lateral thinking quiz presenter Victoria Coren-Mitchell

reveals 4 things that ideally, should be happening on a north-sounding alignment

And it gives us a thought.

Could it be that those defecating hippos are actually using "rotation" as a primitive way of "locking onto" that north-south axis beloved of dogs worldwide. much as people sometimes "float" a magnet in a bowl of water to let it align naturally to the magnetic north pole, to create a primitive compass?

I wonder.... !

And perhaps we should be told - your thoughts please (postcards only!).

15:00 We also get a call from Kate, our estate agent, to say that the nice woman with the Greek Cypriot (?) name has upped her offer on our old house in Malvern, Worcestershire by £5000, an offer which we decide to accept after a quick "conflab" under the bedclothes (!). She's had an offer on her house, and there's a short chain of two buyers in her chain, so fingers crossed.

15:30 We stumble out of bed a little early this afternoon because we're expecting our 14-year-old grandson to be stopping by, for 20 minutes or so, after school finishes today.

One of the nice things for Lois and me about moving to Liphook this month is that we get these kinds of visits - Isaac's school is less than a mile away from us. He's going to come and wait here in our house this afternoon until his big sister Josie (18) can come and pick him up, and she'll then drive him back to the family home in nearby Headley.

flashback to last Thursday: our daughter Alison (left)

with her son Isaac (14) and Lois, on a previous visit to us

It's so nice, for Lois and me, to get the chance to talk to somebody young - he blows some of the cobwebs off us (not literally haha!). He's a lovely lad, and we can chat to him about his day at school etc.

We like to talk to Isaac about China, which he visited recently on a school trip, with those of his classmates who will be taking Mandarin Chinese as one of their GCSE subjects next school year. We like to compare his China reminiscences to our knowledge of Japan, where I spent a study year long, long ago, back in 1970-71, during which time Lois came out to stay with me for 3 weeks.

flashback to July 2024: Isaac's group from his school in Liphook,

Hampshire, on their study trip to China

flashback to 1971: me with Lois on her 2-week trip

out to Japan to see me

The slight downside to these conversations that we have with Isaac today is that we suddenly realise he has already heard most of our Japan stories already - we can see that flash of recognition in his eyes as we roll out our anecdotes to him.

Oops! Better make sure we don't repeat the same anecdotes again next time he comes. We don't want to become known as "Japan bores" for heaven's sake (!).

21:00 We go to bed on a fascinating new documentary about recent archaeological discoveries in Pompeii. You'd think, wouldn't you, after all these centuries (nearly 300 years), that there'd be nothing much new to "dig up" in Pompeii, but Lois says most of this southern Roman city, destroyed by a volcanic eruption in 79 AD, still remains unexplored.

What madness !!!!!

Yes, archaeologists have been finding the most sumptuous wall-paintings that look as if they were done just yesterday, as well as luxurious spa facilities, in this villa complex owned by one of Pompeii's rich politicians and his family.

But isn't it funny how none of this hits home with Lois and me half as much as the very human story of a woman desperately struggling to pack a set of valuables, including gold coins and wonderful gold and pearl earrings etc into a bag, before being crushed by the building's falling ceiling.