Friends, when you're suffering the indignities and harassment of travelling by air, do you sometimes stop and wistfully wonder what it's like to have the money to travel first-class and sit in comfort with all the chortling businessmen and assorted "bigwigs": the royalty, the politicians etc?
Most of us have wondered that, haven't we, at times. But I've got some rather surprising news for you: those "chortling bigwigs" are every bit as curious about what air-travel is like for us poor "economy" sods as we are about them! Yes, it's a very human thing, isn't it, to "wonder how the other half live", or in this case "wonder how the other 98% live" haha!
Well, at last an airline has come along (check your Onion News this morning (!)) that's finally thinking of those poor "bigwigs" for a change and installing some brand-new equipment at airports to let them observe some of that "economy travel" misery, a misery that's normally going on out of their sight: this is a heart-warming "feel good" story if ever there was one! [Get on with it, Colin! - Ed]
Refreshing news to start your Wednesday off with a "lift", isn't it!
And let's hope the airline keeps that two-way-mirror glass spotless - economy passengers are bound to start breathing on it as they try desperately to see what's going on in the luxurious surroundings of the Admirals Lounge, but failing. Probably for the best because it would only cause frustration, not to mention also much anger, which would be a pity, to put it mildly!
The technology of glass-cleaning just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it. Did you read about the new "Exorcise" version of the standard "Mr Muscle" glass cleaner that went on the market recently. Have YOU snapped one up yet? They're selling out fast, according to Onion News again:
{That's enough Onion News stories! - Ed]
Got your bottle yet haha?!!! They've even got them at Sainsbury's now (!), so check it out!
It's the kind of product that my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois and I have been looking for, but it's not quite what we want.
Let me explain! Since moving into our new home in Liphook, Hampshire at the start of this year, we too have been troubled by "apparitions" in our bedroom's mirrored wardrobes.
Well, "apparitions" of a sort, anyway. Because in the last 2-3 weeks we've had to get used to the sight of a couple just like us, and around about our advanced age (!), doing identical things to us in an almost identical way, which is something we haven't had to witness before.
We've even taken to giving them names: "Justin and Mavis", a lovely couple who seem to be "our sort", although we notice that Justin is left-handed like Lois, while Mavis is right-handed like me. Otherwise they're almost a carbon copy, would you believe (!).
My medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois perfects the
order of books in her "bedtime reading" bookcase today,
folowing our recent house-move, while, just feet away,
"Mavis" is doing the selfsame thing, which is
a bit annoying, to put it mildly!
I suppose we're lucky in that "Justin" and "Mavis" are broadly compatible with us, with similar hobbies and activities, which is a relief, so it could be worse!
We're actually quite lucky sharing our bedroom with "Justin" and "Mavis". Since moving in to this house on January 3rd, we've realised that there are a lot of other old codgers living in Liphook, mostly nice, but many of them not really compatible with us to the extent that we'd want them in our bedroom, that's for sure (!).
11:00 And to hammer that point home, Lois and I are fortunate enough this morning to observe some of these local "old codgers" at close quarters, in central Liphook - the town which has become our new home.
the town centre, Liphook, Hampshire
For our morning walk, we decide to walk into Liphook town centre and have a coffee at one of the two coffee shops in the town, called "Number One The Square", where many of the local old-timers gather. Some group or having are having their weekly meeting there this morning, which we discover when they finally file out of the shop with a cheery "See you next week" - so this assumption of ours is not rocket science is it!
us at Liphook's premier coffee shop, "Number One The Square", this morning
Lois and I are new to Hampshire. For 50 years, between 1972 and 2022, we lived in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire, apart from 3 years spent in the US with my job. And after that, since 2022 we had been living in the next county along, in Malvern, Worcestershire.
But now, finally, diagnosed as "clinically old", we've decided to Hampshire to be near our elder daughter Alison and her family.
I'm a bit of an accent buff, so this morning is my first opportunity to "earwig" on a bunch of local old codgers and to try and diagnose their accents. And I find that it's a bit of a mix: so no surprise there!
the patchwork quilt of the local accents of England
Just as Malvern was in a kind of buffer zone between the rhotic rural speech of the "Welsh Marches" and the sometimes harsh tones of Birmingham and the industrial Midlands, so Liphook seems to be in a buffer zone between general "home counties" accents of London and the South-East, and the old rhotic rural Hampshire tones of e.g. Benny Hill, for example.
So first results suggest that it's kind of Benny Hill meets Dandy Nichols of "Till Death Us Do Part", if that makes sense [Not to me, Professor Higgins (!) - Ed].
the Liphook accent: is it the London speech of Dandy Nichols of "Till Death Us Do Part"
in an "unholy alliance" with saucy Southampton-born comedian Benny Hill?
I wonder....! Perhaps we should be told, do you think?
Anyway, it's early days at the moment, because we've only been in Hampshire for less than 3 weeks. But watch this space, as I refine my theory further in the weeks and months, and years (if we're lucky) to come haha!
[I can't wait (!) - Ed]
21:00 We go to bed on the first programme in this year's "Winterwatch", the BBC series that surveys the current state of British wildlife by means of a network of local correspondents from around the UK.
Who knew, for example, that the birds known as waxwings, which arrive in the UK from their breeding grounds in Europe and western Russia, descend in winter on British bushes laden with berries, and manage to eat
between 800 and 1000 berries a day, which is roughly twice their body weight?
And the beautiful waxwing can only get through that many berries because it has some special adaptations on its tongue. Lois and I are particularly interested in this, because we ourselves get through huge quantities of blueberries each week, which we sprinkle on our porridge and other cereals.
Just saying!
Are you following it so far? No? Oh do try to keep up!
Awwww!!! Look at that cute little waxwing with its tiny tongue!!!
See? Simples, really, isn't it!
Yes, I know the subtitles, which are being generated live for this live programme, are "a bit rubbish", but you get the idea, and Lois and I are going to be taking a look at our tongues later, or maybe, for ease and convenience, just look in the mirror at Mavis's and Justin's tongues, to see if we can "mimic" the action of the waxwing tongue's "special adaptations", flanges and paraglossums - is that the correct plural? [No! - Ed].
You never know when they might come in useful, do you. And I'll try and report our findings in this blog. Maybe, like us, you too like to "stuff things down" your throat, if, perhaps, you've only got limited time available?
So watch this space!!!
Will this do?
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!
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