Thursday October 30th 2025 "Have YOU ever wondered why the service is so slow at our local Carvery? At last, all is revealed!!!"

 Yes, Friends, have YOU ever wondered why the service is soooooo slow at our local "carvery"?

Well, at last the truth is out, thanks to an exclusive brought to you this morning by local Onion News for East Hampshire and their hard-working "journos" (!). And if you missed the story, or have the misfortune to not live in East Hampshire, or both (!), here's that article in full, lightly edited by me for content and language (!).

[That's enough exclamation marks in brackets (!) - Ed]

What a crazy world we live in !!!! You'd almost start to believe that the sex part was there in staff job descriptions, which sounds a bit mad!

The story, however, brings a wry smile to the lips of me and my light-to-moderate wife Lois this afternoon, as we attempt to "manage" another rowdy fortnightly online meeting of our local U3A "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers" group, here at our new home in rural, semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, not a million miles away from said Carvery (!).

Lois and me, seen here trying to "manage" a recent rowdy online

meeting of the local U3A "Intermediate Danish for Old Codgers"

group, which we lead "for our sins" (!)

Our group is currently reading a "whodunnit" about a young Danish romance-scammer, Jay, who goes around seducing menopausal Danish women, getting into their beds and into their bank accounts, and then disposing of them, in one way or another, before moving on to his next "victim" - the young "scally" !!

So, unlike staff at local carvery, sex was definitely the most crucial part of Jay's job description to put it mildly !!!!

The book we're reading "Judaskysset" (The Judas Kiss) by Danish author Anna Grue, certainly plays to our U3A group's key demographic, i.e. Englishwomen of a certain age who occasionally fantasise about having affairs with young Scandinavian "charmers" (!).

In the passage we're reading today, however, young romance-scammer Jay is beginning to slow down - he's pushing thirty and obviously finding the pace of his chosen lifestyle more and more punishing. He's even missing one of his early victims Ursula - do you remember her? You know, the one who used her "hot flushes" to keep her warm whenever the sleeping Jay rolled over, taking the duvet with him?

Yes, that Ursula !!!! 

Jay is currently lying on a beach in Goa, India, sweating "like billy-o" (!), and longing for the rainy season to start; smoking a "joint" and remembering with nostalgia his time scamming Ursula. They had had a really cosy relationship, he recalls, and the sex had been good "into the bargain" [Danish: oven i købet] - something he remembers he rarely encountered in the work context [Danish: arbejdssammenhæng] - poor guy!

Yes, poor Jay !!!!!

16:00 Four o'clock comes, finally, and our rowdy online meeting comes to a close, leaving Lois and me feeling a little bit like "damp rags", and "gagging for" a cup of Earl Grey tea and one of Lois's delicious newly-baked scones.

We didn't get the chance for our daily walk this morning - a pity, because today is the last "nice" day before Liphook's own mini-"rainy season" starts, tomorrow - yikes! There's just been too much to do today to go for a walk. I've been paying the bills and getting all the papers together for our Danish meeting, while Lois has had to bake a round or two of scones for tomorrow Friday, when we're getting a visit from our former neighbour Frances from our 35 years of living in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire.

flashback to a few years ago: (left) our former neighbour in Cheltenham, Frances - rightmost -

with the local Anglican priests, and (right) the 1930's-built house owned by Frances 

and her late husband Stephen, when they were having a new roof installed:

our own house is on the left of the picture hidden by a cherry tree

So busy with all that, and, plus, Lois has also started to think about the talk she's giving next Tuesday to the female members of her church in Petersfield - their online "sisters' group": a talk she's planning to base around some articles by our friend Paul's old dad Len. Busy, busy, busy!!!! 

Lois's busy morning today: (left) baking a round of scones for a visit tomorrow by Frances,

our former neighbour from Cheltenham days, and (right) the book by our friend Paul's

old dad Len, that Lois will be using as a basis for her online talk next Tuesday

- busy busy busy !!!!

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!

Arguably, however, it was an even crazier world back in the late 1940's, when the classic British black-and-white comedy film "Passport to Pimlico" was made, as we learn tonight in a fascinating documentary on the Sky Arts Channel.

The story was set in post-World War II "austerity Britain", theoretically on the winning side in the war, but now labouring under shortages and food-rationing. 

The idea for the film was that residents of the London suburb of Pimlico, while sifting through the wreckage of an old bomb-site, discover a long-forgotten old medieval charter showing that, centuries ago, their borough had been ceded to a French nobleman, the Duke of Burgundy, under a law that Parliament had never repealed. 

residents of the London suburb of Pimlico discover a long-forgotten

medieval charter, ceding their borough to the Duke of Burgundy

Seizing the opportunity and setting themselves up as an independent state, the residents of Pimlico take the chance to run their society the way they want, with their own borders and passport checks etc, with no more rationing and no more austerity etc etc. And in its way the film is also a vivid look-back at 1940's Britain, because the film was shot not on studio sets, but on the streets of London as it actually was, with all the real-life bomb damage and the real-life cheerful Cockneys going about their business etc etc. [That's enough etc's, etc ! - Ed]

the film was shot not on studio sets but on the bomb-damaged

streets of London and among its many ruined buildings

The film's director got the idea for the story from an incident during the war, when the Canadian Government had temporarily declared the maternity ward of Ottawa Civic Hospital to be Dutch territory, so that when the temporarily-exiled Princess Juliana of the Netherlands gave birth there, the baby would be born on Dutch territory, and so would not lose her right to inherit the Dutch throne.

flashback to 1943: the exiled Princess Juliana of the Netherlands gave

birth to her baby in an Ottawa Maternity Hospital, which was

temporarily declared "Dutch territory" by the Canadian Government

The film portrays British society in the late 1940's, having helped to save the world from fascism, getting fed up with not being able to enjoy the fruits of that victory and now beginning to yearn for some of the old normal pleasures they'd had to give up for the best part of a decade. 

It also mocks the lunacies of officialdom, and celebrates British "bloody-mindedness", and is also remarkable for making working-class and lower-middle-class people its heroes and heroines, people disillusioned with all the political parties they had to choose between at election time, and just yearning for those little luxuries, and impatient for what they saw as "normal life" to return.

Fascinating for Lois and me, because, although we were around at the time, and we both remember clearly seeing "ration books" with their array of "coupons" in our separate kitchens, we were much too young to read the papers, which was a pity!

Poor us !!!!! [That's enough sympathy! - Ed]

flashback to 1948: (left) me on my mummy's lap on the beach at Bournemouth,

and (right) Lois on a bale of hay deep in the Oxfordshire countryside

Awwwww!!!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!

Wednesday October 29th 2025 "Chosen YOUR Halloween costume yet? Well, why not go as local man Mark Richards this year!!!!"

Yes, friends, have YOU chosen YOUR Halloween costume yet? You could go as local man Mark Richards, although you might not be the only one! 

Richards was way ahead of the game last year, as this story from the local Onion News's popular "From the Archives" column reminds us this morning. And here are the facts in full - lightly edited by Yours Truly for content, style etc (!).

Do you remember this "doozy of a splash"  - just turn to page 94??!!!

Kudos Richards for "breaking the mould" !!!! And also for giving me and my light-to-moderate wife Lois some pointers about what to expect locally this Friday, when Halloween dawns again. There may be a lot of "copycat Richardses" floating around our local semi-leafy streets in Liphook, Hampshire this year, but we'll see!

me and my light-to-moderate wife Lois - a recent picture

For us, this Friday will be our first Halloween in our new hometown of Liphook, Hampshire, and we don't know how many trick-or-treaters to expect. However we've stocked up on fun-size mini-chocolate bars just in case. 

Our next-door neighbours seem to be adding to their front-garden Halloween display (!) on an almost daily basis, and we know also that our 12-year-old twin granddaughters, Lily and Jessica, 9000 miles away in the northern suburbs of Perth, Western Australia, are planning something horrible when they go trick-or-treating in nearby Eglinton with close friend Emily. So we'll see - watch this space!!!

[I can't wait! - Ed]

flashback to yesterday: Yours Truly (in the sun-glasses!) showcases our next-door 

neighbours' Halloween display of a - the giant spider-web with two giant spiders,

and of a Guardian-reading skeleton on a garden chair - spooky !!!!!

Friday will also be a big day, but hopefully not a "horrible" one (!), for my little sister Gill (68), a budding author, whose monologue "A Nice Cup of Tea" will be performed at London's niche "Glitch Theatre" near Waterloo train station that night. And Lois and I have learned this week that Gill herself will be in the audience, accompanied by family members, to hear it debut'ed live by members of the all-women Yellow Coat Theatre Group. 

Will there be shouts of "Authoress! Authoress!" at the end of the performance? There should be, if there's any justice in the world, that's for sure!

(top) a typical evening at London's niche "Gliche Theatre" and (bottom) my little sister Gill's

social media post from 3 weeks ago announcing the first performance of her new monologue

Exciting times!!!! "Break a leg!", those women !!!!

For me, here in Liphook this wet Wednesday, however, it's going to be one of those truly wonderful days, when the weather's appalling but we can't go out anyway because we're waiting in for delivery/collection guys to call at our house. In a word, it's a chance to relax on the sofa or just amble around the house doing this and that, without feeling guilty about it, which is my kind of day to a tee. 

"More cake, vicar?" - Lois and me on the couch: another recent picture

Yes, we can't go out anyway. We're expecting delivery this morning, from Argos, of a shiny new wall-clock for the kitchen, and in the afternoon Royal Mail will be coming to collect our previous shiny new wall-clock,  from Amazon, which we're sending back to Amazon because it only works for a few minutes before stopping - what madness !!!! 

So today, it's a case of "one in, one out", a bit like the Government's new immigration 'policy' (!).

And due to an odd quirk in timings, we're able to be in bed when we want to be, without having to wait around for doorbell to ring. In theory Argos could deliver any time from 7:50 am (yikes!) but we get a text from them saying they won't be here till around 9:30am, so no rush to get out of bed this morning. 

(left) a text from our Argos delivery driver who's bringing our shiny new 

kitchen wall clock, and (right) me showcasing the clock "in situ", later in the day

And although Royal Mail could in theory ring our doorbell any time this afternoon between about 12:30 pm and 4:30 pm to collect the old clock, they actually come soon after 2 o'clock, leaving us free to spend the rest of the afternoon in bed for "statutory nap-time", so what's not to like haha !!!!

[Is that all you two "noggins" have done today, Colin? - Ed]

Well, seeing as you're asking, absolutely not, no! 

We even find time to catch a TV show in the evening, would you believe -  a retrospective by Welsh singer Tom Jones, recalling some of the highlights of his career.

Sitting here tonight under the watchful eye of our shiny new wall-clock, Lois and I hadn't really "clocked" [no pun intended!!!!] that after a run of pulsating hit records in the 1960's, Tom Jones' career went into something of a doldrums in the 1970's and early 1980's, when he concentrated on doing live shows, and mediocre "TV specials" filmed in exotic areas of the world, all bringing in shedloads of momney. But the hit records had stopped coming. His songwriter-manager Gordon Mills had stopped writing, Tom says, and had stopped even looking for songs for him.

Also, despite having this great powerful voice, he felt he was being made into more of a sex-symbol than a singing star, particularly for "women of a certain age". And he became drawn into this murky world, and encouraged his female fans, by autographing their knickers when they took them off for him, or picking them up and showcasing them when they threw them on stage during his act. These fans would fight each other to jump up and mop his sweaty brow during a show, and, if lucky, get their reward of a lingering kiss from Tom.

What madness !!!!

Escape from this dark world (!) came when his son and daughter-in-law took over his management. They advised him to ignore all the knickers on offer, and just carry on singing as normal (!), because all that mayhem was "cheapening" his talent as a great singing voice. 

His daughter-in-law even took on the press, objecting to anything suggestive or salacious in their reviews etc.

Well done, that woman!!!! And the hit records also then began to come back, starting with Tom's exciting twist on the Prince hit "Kiss".

I know, however, how those "women of a certain age" must have felt in Tom's audience. 

As a student at Sheffield in the late 1960's I attended a live concert at City Hall by Northern Irish singer Clodagh Rodgers, then on a national tour with Gene Pitney, and I was in the front row in a 13-shilling seat! I felt very strongly that Clodagh was giving me a "come on" look, and was sorely tempted to throw my socks onto the stage. Luckily, my friend Paul was sitting with me, and he argued strongly against the socks idea, saying it would cheapen not just me but Clodagh too, so, in effect, wiser counsels prevailed - probably for the best!

(left, centre) a poster and a social media memory of Clodagh Rodgers'

national 1970 tour with Gene Pitney, and (right) me as a student 

at Sheffield, where I had to be "restrained from throwing my socks on

stage during Clodagh's performance at City Hall" - what madness!!!

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

Fascinating stuff, though, isn't it!

[If you say so! - Ed]

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!

Tuesday October 28th 2025 It's 'tough decision time for sure', when YOUR robot gets 'past it' haha!"

Yes, friends, what to do when the family robot is obviously a bit "over the hill" (!) - it's a tough decision, but at least one Japanese family has found a humane answer, according to this morning's local Onion News for East Hampshire. 

And if you missed the story, or don't live in East Hampshire (or both!), here's the article in full, just lightly edited by Yours Truly for content, style, overall message, facts etc (!):

Poor robot !!! But it's all for best, probably, isn't it! And here in rural, semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, the Onion story brings a wry smile to the mouths of me and my light-to-moderate wife Lois this morning, while at the same time warming our "cockles" on this breezy October morning, which is nice!

my light-to-moderate wife Lois and me, seen here on our 

daily walk, which this morning takes us over the "hallowed turf"

of East Hampshire Premier League soccer giants, Liphook United

The paper doesn't name the Akiyama family's robot in the story, but Lois and I are dubbing him "Robert" in our debate this morning about the story and the issues it raises. 

Although both 79 and fully paid-up members of East Hampshire's "Old Codgers" community, our two daughters and their families have yet to make "that decision" to put us away - for our own good, obviously (!) - and so currently we're having to make do by giving each other those critical oil baths to ease our creaking (and squeaking!) limbs.

Also, unlike "Robert the Robot" in his cushy Japanese retirement home, we haven't got a tame physiotherapist "on tap" to press us in sensitive places and make us feel ten times worse haha!

Hence our trip this afternoon to nearby Liss, so that Lois can see an NHS physiotherapist about the intermittent aches and pains she gets in her back. Lois isn't sure whether she's any further forward today after her 20 minutes with Jo, the surgery's specialist, but at least she gets the promise of an x-ray appointment at nearby Petersfield, so maybe some good will come our of that. 

Well, we'll just have to see - so watch this space!

(left) the 5.5 mile journey from our home in Liphook to nearby Liss, and

(right) us in the waiting-room for Lois's appointment with physiotherapist Jo

This is our first time seeing the fleshpots of Liss - we only moved to East Hampshire 9 months ago - and so after Lois's session with physiotherapist Jo, Lois and I take a little walk around the town to catch its "vibe", and snap any amusing signs. Well, you're only old once haha (!).

Although prehistoric human remains have been found around these parts going back to neolithic times, the town, first mentioned in the Domesday Book of 1086, seems to have had a relatively quiet history, and it's certainly quiet this afternoon, to put it mildly! 

It's got a lovely wool shop, however, so if you're into knitting, that's "a must" to drop by there!

we stroll around downtown West Liss, taking in the "vibe" and snapping any unusual signs etc:

(bottom left) the "rubbish sweater" on sale in the wool shop (made from recycled materials!)

and one of the local pubs' function rooms, dubbed "Bit on the Side"

By this point, Lois and I are gagging for a cup of tea and a piece of cake. Liss boasts two cafes, but as luck would have it, they both close at 3pm, which we didn't realise. As a matter of fact, we walk into one of them just on three o'clock, only to be given this very sad news !!!!

Poor us !!!!!

a typical shop in Liss's vibrant downtown shopping area

The problem is - when you start thinking about cake, you've just got to have a bit: that's what we say! So on our drive home to Liphook we stop by at Rake Garden Centre, which we know has a cafe, and Lois also picks up some plants for the garden, so that's all good!

So we have 6 dwarf wallflowers, 6 tall ones, 12 narcissi and 12 crocuses to fill up our car boot with, which makes the drive home in our little Honda Jazz somewhat sluggish (!), but we get home in time to go to bed, if just for "a quick one", so all's well.

at last a bit of cake, and a cup of tea from a china teapot, at the Rake Garden Centre cafe,

where we also pick up a bunch (no pun intended!) of plants to load our car down with !!!!

What a day - busy busy busy!  [I don't think you know what the word 'busy' means, do you, Colin! - Ed]

21:00 We go to bed on tonight's programme in the current series of "QI XL", the comedy quiz which has the aim of telling us all the facts about the world that we need to know, in alphabetical order. They've now got to the letter 'W', so, probably even within mine and Lois's lifetime we'll be qualified to say "we now know everything that's worth knowing about the world", which will, among other things, certainly make this blog into a "must read", to put it mildly!

[I'm not holding my breath on that one, Colin! - Ed]

Lois and I didn't know that wood-feeding cockroaches eat each other's wings after mating. And in a way it's a bit like getting married for them, because after the mating's over, now both wingless, they're pretty much stuck where they are, and can only have sex with each other. 

They start out with playful little nibbles while they're "at it", but by the time they've finished, their wings are completely reduced to stubs, and neither of them can now fly away anywhere. So they stay together, in effect "mating for life", which gives the species some evolutionary advantages.

two wood-feeding cockroaches mating for life

Aisling Bea calls that scenario "a quite human one", thinking about human couples who stay together, because they haven't got a "Plan B", but who feel increasingly bitter about the situation as the years go by.

What was it that Woody Allen said about his parents?

Poor Mr and Mrs Konigsberg !!!

That's not me when it comes to Lois, may I hasten to add. As Huey Lewis once sang to his girlfriend after they were marooned on a desert island, "I'm so happy to be stuck with you". And I didn't even have to nibble Lois's toes off to get her to stay, which is a good sign, to put it mildly!

flashback to 1970 - the earliest known picture of Lois and me together,

having a boozy evening in a cottage in Shropshire

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!