Sunday October 12th 2025 "Got YOUR Halloween costume sorted yet? If not, seek help now haha!"

Yes, friends, have YOU got YOUR Halloween costume sorted this year? If not, could you perhaps ask your "significant other" to sort something out for you?

Like this local man in this morning's Onion News for East Hampshire - see page 94!!!!

Poor husband !!!!!

But the story brings a bit of an "evil" chuckle (!) to the faces of me and my light-to-moderate wife Lois this morning, as we get ready to talk to our twin granddaughters in Perth, Australia, for our weekly Sunday "catch up call", that's for sure!

me and my light-to-moderate wife Lois - a recent picture

Almost as soon as our call to Australia begins this morning, it becomes clear that our 12-year-old twin granddaughters in Perth, Lily and Jessica, haven't yet settled on a costume for this year's Halloween, although they've got their "bat on a stick" sorted, and they give us a sneak preview of that. It's so lifelike that it gives Lois and me, a mild-mannered couple of septuagenarians, a bit of a "start", to put it mildly!

when we talk on zoom to our daughter Sarah and twin granddaughters 

Lily and Jessica, they show us their this year's "bat on a stick",

so lifelike it gives Lois and me a bit of a "start", to put it mildly - yikes!!!!

They ask us for suggestions for costumes, and we say we'll get back to them on that one (!).

It occurs to us that, for our Halloween costumes this year, here in leafy Liphook, Hampshire, UK, Lois and I could go trick-or-treating dressed as "septuagenarians" - meaning we could just wear our ordinary everyday clothes, which would save a lot of work (!).

I know a lot of people are going as Vladimir Putin or Donald Trump again this year, but Lois and I think that that's taking "scariness" a bit too far - I know it's just a bit of fun, but let's keep that fun within civilised bounds, shall we haha!

I wonder.....!!!!

I think Lois and I had better stick with "old married couple", just to be on the safe side! 

And, by coincidence, when I browse through the current issue of Lois's "The Week" magazine, there are some tips on "how to stay happily married", which is helpful.

An interesting selection of tips, including "It's OK to go to bed on a row, or on a fight", or as people often say, "Never go to bed angry".

But is it a good idea for a couple to go to bed on an angry TV programme? I think we should be told, don't you?

And Lois and I test that situation to the limits this evening, by watching the first in a new BBC1 drama series "Riot Women", all about a bunch of angry menopausal women, who seek an outlet for their frustrations by forming a punk rock band, and entering a talent contest for charity.

It's strange, because a few days ago Lois and I saw campaigning climate-crisis militant and wildlife TV presenter Chris Packham explain how, in the 1970's he got through his teenage years and solved his autism and anger problems, simply by becoming a punk rocker. 

Well, if you thought the teenage Chris Packham looked angry, well you ain't seen nothing yet, at least not till you see tonight's menopausal women - my goodness yes!

See the laments of menopausal Jess (played by Lorraine Asbourne) in this scene:

And it's interesting that, in this first episode, menopausal Jess's daughter references Vladimir Putin: "So, Putin starts a war, and you're going to sort it out by making a 'fanny' of yourself in a talent contest?"

Putin has had obvious "anger issues", possibly since childhood - is it too late for him to become a punk rocker and give the rest of the world a bit of peace, like, literally?

Vladimir Putin - "obvious anger issues, possibly since childhood"

I wonder.... !

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!!

Saturday October 11th 2025 "Friends, do you have a cute kid, or grandkid maybe? Well let's see those pics!"

Yes, Friends, have YOU got a cute kid or grand-kid? Most of us do, don't we, but many of us keep the cuteness to ourselves or to a few close friends. But why?

At last a group of spirited local mums have decided to do things differently, according to  this morning's local Onion News for East Hampshire - did you catch the story before you went out shopping this Saturday morning? Bet you did! And if you didn't, here are the details, a bit "hidden" if you will, back on page 94, maybe, so a lot of you will have not thumbed through that far yet, I'm guessing!!!

Poor mums !!!! Obviously not getting the attention they crave for their little "diddumses" (!).

However the story brings a bit of a chuckle to the faces of me and my light-to-moderate wife Lois this morning as we drive south to Petersfield to do some more clothes shopping for Lois - yes, I know we did it yesterday, but we still haven't found "the one" - that jumper, skirt or dress that she knows must be out there somewhere (!).

my light-to-moderate wife Lois and me - a recent picture

And we need that chuckle this morning to keep us going, as we "traipse" through Petersfield's women's clothing shops, trying on this and that (and it's just Lois, I'm talking about here, despite those rumours (!!!)). 

Like those extremist mums (see Onion Story above), our little shopping trip today has been well and truly "hi-jacked" by Lois this morning realising that she's mysteriously been locked out of her phone. When she switched it on, first thing, the phone was demanding that she enter a 6-digit "unlocking" number, which she doesn't have, and we finally realise that this modern technological world is just getting a bit too much for us - well we're fully paid up "old codgers", and we'll both be 80 next year, would you believe!!!

Lois (left) seen here in happier times, when her phone was working

How did the phone get locked? 

We just don't know. It's true that we often take it to bed with us, so somebody - no names, no packdrill !!! - may have lain on it, potentially pressing some random buttons on it with her bottom (!) , letting the phone set up its own random "unlocking number" without telling us??

For now, it all remains a complete mystery. Your input please, on possible explanations (and solutions (!)) - postcards only !!!!!

We often take the phone to bed with us. Could person or persons unknown

have possibly lain on it, pressing random keys with his or her bottom?

I think we should be told, don't you?

We take the phone into the "phone clinic" at Petersfield this morning, but after a long session the guy in there says he can't do anything until we remember what Lois's AOL password is - what madness, isn't it !!!!! Honestly!! Expecting us to remember something like that on the spur of the moment, like !!!!

we take Lois's phone into Petersfield's phone clinic, for "treatment" (!),

but the "patient" remains "in critical condition" (!)

It's nice, however, to see that Lois's determination to find "that jumper/skirt/dress" is undiminished by our disappointments in the phone clinic, so that's nice! And we come away with a jumper, and two skirts (having paid for them !!!!), so result!

Back of the net !!!!!

21:00 A pretty stressful day on the whole, however, so it's nice this evening to unwind on the couch with Friday night's final programme in Mitchell and Webb's new sketch series on Channel 4.

Health warning, however - this programme is pretty "strong meat", and definitely not for "wusses"! 

Lois and I feel "victimised" today by the mobile phone industry, but that's nothing compared to some of the traumas suffered by others in this day and age - seen here being interviewed under assumed names by a sensitive David Mitchell.

This woman wanted to be known only as "Toni" - not her real name, obviously.

Poor "Toni" !!!

This man, another victim, wanted to be known only as "Duncan":

Poor "Duncan" !!!!!

Pretty shocking isn't it, and I've redacted the rest of the interview for decency's sake, but I expect you've guessed already, that "Toni" and "Duncan" are just two more victims of the so-called hotel industry.

Don't repeat their mistakes, will you, and sign up for a weekend at one of these dreadful places.

You won't be able to say you haven't been warned - yikes !!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!