Wednesday October 8th 2025 "How many exits has YOUR house got - it's worth having at least two, maybe more!!!!"

Yes, friends, how many exits has your house got? Just the standard front door, back door, I'm guessing - am I right? Or am I right haha!

That may not be enough, however, to judge from the story in this morning's local Onion News for East Hampshire. In case you missed it, here's the story in all its toe-curling details, edited slightly for content, language, and style!!!

Poor Jensen!!

Pity aside, however, the story brings a much-needed chuckle to the lower part of my face, and to that of my light-to-moderate wife Lois this morning, as we struggle through our Latin homework - yes, that's another of our many daily chores that you may not have heard about!!!

me and my light-to-moderate wife Lois - a recent picture

Lois and I recently joined the local U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers Group", run by area retiree Joe, and our group is currently studying Hannibal, the Carthaginian general who, in 218 BC shocked the Romans by bringing his army across the Alps on elephants, and then attacking Rome on a weekend when a lot of the Romans' guards were probably on holiday. 

(left) the Carthaginian general Hannibal crossing the Alps on elephants, 

and (right) surprising the Romans who hadn't been expecting him on a weekend

What madness it was! But it annoyed the Romans a lot, that's for sure, and later they decided to do the same to Hannibal when they had eventually got him "holed up" in some castle in Bithynia in modern-day Turkey. 

It was thought to be the ideal refuge for the ageing Hannibal, because the castle's owner, local king Prusias, had installed multiple exits [Latin: exitus], like a billion exits - more probably! So, ideal for Hannibal to slip out of one of them when the Romans arrived. Unfortunately for Hannibal, the Romans must somehow obtained the floor plans for the castle, and they had got all billion or so exits "covered", so poot Hannibal decided to just poison himself to death rather than face the humiliation of capture.

{left) Hannibal getting his men to check all the, like, billion, exits of the castle, but discovering

that the Romans had got the plans for the castle's many exit-doors, and had them

all 'covered', forcing Hannibal (right) to drink some deadly poison to avoid capture

Poor Hannibal !!!!!

And the moral? Even if you've got, like, a billion exits, it's never enough! Put another billion in, if your builders have the time for it, and if your "budget" will stretch for it!

History is full of stories where people have "come to grief" through not being able to find the exit, and you'll see it reflected in much of Western literature: there's 19th century French writer Zola's story "L'assommoir" where a party of wedding guests gets stuck in the Louvre museum because they can't find the exit door, and so are faced with the prospect of staying the night in there, with nothing to do except wander round looking at the paintings.

Or look at 20th century icon, Irish priest Father Ted, who, with a party of priests, embarrassingly gets caught in the lingerie section of a large Dublin department store, not being able to find the exit door, knowing that at any second, one of their parishioners could observe them there, with possibly horrendous implications for their reputations.

(above) Zola's "L'assommoir", in which a party of wedding guests stray into the Louvre,

who fail to find the exit door, and are forced to spend the night wandering round, looking

at the paintings, and (below) Irish priest Father Ted, unable to find the exit door

in the lingerie section of a Dublin department store - what madness!!!!

What a crazy world we live in !!!!

11:00 Lois and I give up on the Latin and go for a nice walk round the "hallowed turf" of local amateur football club Liphook United, seeing the clubhouse where team manager, the ashen-faced Phil Moore (51), normally holds court on Saturday afternoons, and the stand (actually a 5-seat shelter) where the club's fans (Sid and Doris Bonkers) watch all the club's home games in the East Hampshire Premier League:

flashback to this morning: Lois and I wander the hallowed turf of local amateur

football club, Liphook United, savouring the deserted club-house where team

manager Phil Moore (51) holds court on Saturday afternoons, and the "stand"

from where the club's fans (Sid and Doris Bonkers) watch all the squad's home games

And, in a way, it's nice to find the ground, the club-house and the "stand" all deserted on this damp Wednesday morning, because it's a bit of a reflective day, for me particularly, it being what would have been my dear late mother Nan's 106th birthday, had she lived.

Family was everything to her, and Lois and I are especially glad that we managed to produce two daughters in the 1970's, Alison and Sarah, that she could "dandle" on her knee and over the years, watch grow up into two lovely young women, eventually marrying and starting on great-grandchildren and more opportunities for "dandling" (!), before my mother sadly passed away in 2011, at the grand old age of 91. 

my dear late parents with Lois and our two daughters Alison and Sarah 

(left) with the girls as toddlers and (right) as teenagers

flashback to 2009: my mother's 90th birthday, (left) blowing out

the candles and (right) talking to my late sister Kathy in Philadelphia USA

and to Kathy's husband Steve, by the magic of the internet

(left) my mother, as a new nonagenarian, talking to our daughter Sarah and her future 

husband Francis, and (right) my mother's  front door as Lois and I close it for the last time following her sad passing in 2011, with its Welsh doormat still there, "Croeso" meaning "Welcome" in Welsh

21:00 Family is a good concept when it works, as with my dear late mother Nan, but can be a bad one if it doesn't (!), as Lois and I learn from an interesting documentary on the More4 channel this evening. Presenter Alexander Armstrong's walking companion this week is the famously edgy Wildlife TV presenter Christ Packham, who famously suffers from autism.

It turns out that, as a child, young Chris suffered a lot with his old dad, who had high standards for him, and as a result, little Chris was continually trying to get his dad's approval, and failing.

It's interesting to hear how Chris's main complaint about his childhood was that he lacked control of his own destiny, constantly having to follow the plans of his parents - well, you do, don't you!

For Chris, escape from this "childhood hell" (!) came with the advent of the punk rock movement in the 1970's, because his old dad didn't like it, and most of his mates didn't like it, and it also enabled the teenage Chris to finally express all his inner rage, and to feel in control of his life at last.

At this point presenter Alexander Armstrong asks Chris if, as a result of this personal "liberation", he was able to communicate better with others, but he replies that sadly, no, because he kept getting beaten up all the time.

Poor Chris!!!

Lois and I, however, are beginning to feel we missed out a little, by not being angry enough in our teens. Me particularly - I was such a little conformist, even as a teenager in the 1960's, you would not believe! 

[I have no problems believing that, Colin! - Ed]

flashback to the 1960's: (left) career-woman Lois in London, 

and (right) me as a teenage student in the 1960's, seen here in the 

back garden of the family home in Redland, Bristol

Angry we were not. Rebels we were not haha!!!

Will this do?

[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!