Danskcolin: Monday October 27th 2025 "Have you gone to the bathroom today? If you haven't, you're in a tiny minority, I can exclusively reveal!!!!"

Yes, friends, have YOU gone to the bathroom today?, if that's not too personal a question, that is (!). Take a quick moment to think back!

Most people develop a bit of a routine about it, i.e. about going to the bathroom, and CEOs of big corporation are no exception as evidenced by the popular "From The Archives" page in this morning's Onion News. If you missed the story, here it is in full, lightly edited but only for content, length, style and detail.

Well, excuse me, but isn't "making employees' jobs harder" a normal part of any CEO's "job description", the last time I looked, anyway (!). What madness!!!

And who exactly does Schultz makes the job harder for, more than for anybody else on the company payroll? Step forward Starbucks's "plombiers extraordinaires" - pardon my French! - who have to de-clog that toilet on an almost daily basis!

Poor plumbers!!!!

(left) Starbucks CEO, Howard Schultz, and (right) company

plumbers taking a well-earned break after a Schultz visit

And here at our home in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, UK, this Onion News "from the archives" 'classic' brings a knowing nod of recognition, and a definite chuckle to the lower half of my face this morning, and also to that of my light-to-moderate wife Lois, so "Fair do's!".

And "Kudos, Onion News!", into the bargain!

my light-to-moderate wife Lois and me, seen here chuckling during our daily walk,

which today takes in choice parts of Old Man Lowsley's Farm, just outside our home town of Liphook

But there's a bigger question here, isn't there - what is the best way to proceed, if you've blocked a toilet?

And later today we start to get some answers to this sticky problem (no pun intended!!!), and from an unexpected source, when Steve, our American brother-in-law emails us with his pick of the past week's most amusing Venn diagrams:

Clearly, "loudly proclaiming that the toilet was in that state before you arrived" is one solution (as per diagram 1), and using a drain snake to "reveal yet more revolting nuggets" (as per diagram 3) is another, the latter being perhaps arguably the more responsible approach to the problem (!), to put it mildly!

Whether that conclusion has any implications for either Rachel Reeves or Prince Andrew remains a moot point, however. Your input required here - postcards only !!!!!

Blocked toilets aren't anything new, by the way - even the Romans used to suffer from them, and it was normally slaves who had to de-clog them, by hand - yuck!!!! From a management viewpoint, however, it was the job of an elected official, an aedile, to "oversee" the whole business and ensure that Rome's toilets and sewers in general were "fit for purpose in that day of age" (!), and generally do all the paperwork. But no toilet-paperwork, needless to say - they just used sponges in those crazy, far-off days!

And strangely enough, the topic of "revolting nuggets from Rome's blocked toilets and sewers" is one of the few subjects that doesn't come gurgling up (!) - no pun intended!!! - at the fortnightly meeting of the local U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, which Lois and I attend this afternoon, at the Methodist Church Hall, over in nearby Haslemere, just over the county line, in Surrey.

[That's enough unfunny puns! - Ed]

(top left) Lois and I, and other group members consult their dictionaries, while (top right)

group leader and former schoolteacher Joe writes something in Latin on the whiteboard

and (bottom right) a vote is taken on the divisive question of the windows:

should they be open or should they be closed? [Latin: fenestrae - apertae aut clausae?]

What madness !!!!

Here's a quick summary on "outcomes" from this afternoon's group meeting:

(1) A vote on the divisive question of the windows results in them being closed - wisely in mine and Lois's view!

(2) And a decision is taken, also, on the group's next Latin prose work for the 2025-2026 academic year: we're going to read Roman historian Sallust's account of the "Conspiracy of Catiline",

The story of Rome in the first and second centuries BC is a really interesting topic, Lois and I think, because it has a lot of implications still significant today - it's the first fully documented story of a democracy turning into a dictatorship, and then ruled by an emperor - an autocratic system that then subsequently lasted for 400 years. It was Rome's first emperor, Augustus, who established the system, while at the same time falsely claiming to be "restoring the Republic".

What madness !!!

Augustus, Roman emperor 27-14BC, who established Rome

as an autocracy, while falsely claiming to be "restoring the Republic"

Although it's true that the democratic system of Ancient Athens was overthrown at an earlier date still, in 322 BC, this was result of an overthrow by outsiders - when Philip of Macedon, and his son Alexander the Great invaded and conquered the whole of the rest of Greece before going on to conquer large swathes of the Middle East and Asia.

Rome's democracy, by contrast, was subverted from within.

Athenian democracy, terminated in 322BC when the Macedonians

invaded under Philip and his son Alexander the Great

15:00 Because of the insane timing of these U3A Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers meetings - starting at 12:30 pm and finishing at 2:30 pm (caused by pressure of rival bookings for use of the Methodist Church Hall, we suspect (?)), the unfortunate result is that Lois and I don't get to bed till 4 o'clock for "nap time", and we're still there at 6pm.

It seems a bit decadent, but on the other hand you're only old once, aren't you haha!

20:00 Luckily, this evening, we can unwind again on the couch in front of our favourite TV quiz "Only Connect", which tests lateral thinking.

And here's a "doozy" for you - you know you want one don't you haha!!!

Can YOU guess the connection between these four celebs, I wonder?

Yes, you've guessed it - they all had nicknames with a number in, of course.

Politician David Willetts was known as "Two Brains", because he was so clever (allegedly!). Fitz Hall was a footballer, with the nickname "One Size", inspired by the clothing size "One Size Fits All", and Jimmy Gardner was another footballer, with the nickname "Five Bellies" - and I think we can all guess how Jimmy got those (!).

And finally, of course, the late John Prescott, former Deputy Prime Minister under Tony Blair, was known as "Two Jags" - a derogatory reference to him allegedly betraying his working-class roots by being the owner of two Jaguars.