Danskcolin: Thursday September 7th 2023

STOP PRESS: The heat-wave continues, and lasts all day again.

And last night, the dreaded "Saharan Dust" also arrived, covering everything in our street, including windows and car-roofs etc, with a thin layer of dust.

I look out of our bedroom window this morning to see that

a thin layer of 'Saharan Dust' is covering windows and car-roofs in our street

Our first thought was "revenge" against the whole Sahara Desert. Too ambitious a plan?

Well, maybe not. Remember that story a couple of years back in Onion News about NASA's plan to get back at the whole planet Mars, for destroying one of their probes?

CAPE CANAVERAL—Calling it the first purely revenge-based mission to ever be attempted on the red planet, NASA officials announced Wednesday the successful launch of the Vengeance Rover to pay back Mars for killing Opportunity back in 2018.

“This is a historic launch that will bring our administration closer to the goal of getting sweet vengeance on Mars for what it did to the Opportunity Rover back in 2018—you hear that, you son of a bitch? We’re coming for you,” said agency administrator Jim Bridenstein of the dual turret and nuclear rocket-mounted robotic rover, noting that the entirely bulletproof Vengeance carried enough firepower to “unleash holy hell on Mars and then some” on a mission that they speculated would need to last over five years to satisfy the administration’s desire for righteous bloodshed against the fourth planet from the sun.

Whatever happened to that "Avenger Rover", by the way? I notice Mars is still there in the sky, so maybe the mission got cancelled - does anybody remember?

Anyway, eventually Lois and I get over our bitterness when we realise for the first time our most tremendous luck over that dust cloud from the Sahara.

It's all the tremendous luck for us, strangely enough, because yesterday our friendly local window-cleaner, Martin, texted us to say he'd be round to do clean our windows sometime today. Imagine how angry and bitter Lois and I would have become if Martin had cleaned our windows yesterday, BEFORE the "Saharan Dust" arrived. It could have blighted our lives for ever, no doubt about that!

We are indeed living a charmed life, we two, that's for sure! And everybody's talking about the dust on the news and on social media, which means that a lot of other people haven't been so lucky, which in turn, gives us a nice warm feeling - not that we're unsympathetic or uncaring, needless to say - it's just nice to come out a winner now and again, though, isn't it haha!

So.... that local wise guy Gerard Caldwell sticking his oar in again, I see, with some smart-aleck comment, huh? What madness !!!!

flashback to earlier this year: Martin, our friendly local window-cleaner

doing our upstairs windows with a long pole as we try to take a nap...

08:00 As Martin does his work down on the pavement, Lois and I are still in bed looking at our phones. I see that our elder daughter Alison has put a couple of charming pictures of Josie, the eldest of our 5 grandchildren, up on social media: it's a big day for Josie today - she's turned 17 and it's her first day at her posh new private school in Guildford, Surrey.

How time flies !!!!

She still looks charmingly young, but watch out on the roads if you live in Hampshire or Surrey. Josie is 17 now, so it won't be long before she's learning to drive: look out for those L-plates, won't you!!!!

11:00 A major victory for Lois this morning - she's responsible for managing one of her church's business accounts, the one used to give financial support to the dozens of Iranian Christian refugees who've joined her church. It's now ten months since we moved to Malvern from our previous house in Cheltenham, but Lloyds Bank have continued to send correspondence, bank statements, blank cheque-books etc to our old address, despite all Lois's letters and phone calls to their helpdesk telling them that we've moved.

It's been a total madness!!!!

Lois was on the phone to the bank's helpdesk yesterday, but eventually the line just went dead, and she didn't have the strength to start all over again with another helpdesk operative.

Today she tries again, and she gets to speak to somebody who seems a lot more competent, and also easier to understand. Yesterday's guy was Indian or Pakistani, and today it's a Chinese-sounding woman, probably from Hong Kong.

Both Lois and I agree that the Hong Kong accent is generally much more "accessible" than the Indian/Pakistani one, but we're not sure why - it's probably all to do with intonation, but the jury's still out on that one. But at the end of the call, it seems like the woman has made the necessary changes, so, just to be sure, we'll have to see if we now get bank correspondence mailed directly to us, and not forwarded from our old address by the Post Office.

Lois and I celebrate her success with a coffee on the patio. As it's a special occasion I use the mug I was awarded recently for being "the best grandad ever", which was a complete surprise, but very gratifying - you would not BELIEVE !!!! I didn't know I'd even been nominated, which was nice!

12:00 I do a bit more work on my so-called "presentation on Elizabethan English" that I'm scheduled to give to Lynda's local U3A "Making of English" group early next month. The date for my presentation is galloping towards me, a bit like the famous Lloyds Bank wild horses, and much more quickly than I would like.

Yikes !!!!!!!! And I'm nowhere near finishing my presentation. Oh dear!

Yikes (again) !!!!!!

In the last 24 hours I've been reading how William Caxton helped to standardise the English language by starting to produce printed copies of books - something he started doing when he set up his pioneering printing firm in 1476, having learnt how to do it from existing early printers on the European continent, initially in Cologne.

And I keep reading that there must have been a reasonable level of literacy in England at the time, because otherwise it wouldn't have been worth Caxton's while to print books, obviously, if not many people were tempted to buy them.

But what WERE the levels of literacy exactly? Today for the first time I see a graph of estimated literacy levels in various countries over the centuries.

It looks like literacy levels were about one person in five being able to read and write in Britain when Caxton set up his printing house, but starting to move up to say one person in three by the time Shakespeare was writing his plays in the late 1500s. But I expect the figures are only an approximation - don't you think so?

a typical 15th century printing press

Fascinating stuff !!! [If you say so! - Ed]

20.00 Lois is really suffering with the heat this evening, and we even keep the telly switched off and spend the time on the sofa doing a crossword. We just manage to see today's episode of the 1990's sitcom "The Upper Hand" on the Drama Channel, before we slip into bed. Luckily tonight we can switch on our floor-mounted, top-of-bed-level electric fan, which is nice!

The Upper Hand, the UK version of the US show "Who's the Boss?", is the saga of Charlie, a rough-diamond from London's East End, who's working for divorcee Caroline in posh Henley, Berkshire, as - shock horror for the 1990's - a male housekeeper. Whatever next haha!!!

You must remember this episode of The Upper Hand - did you see it yourself today? You know - it's the one where Caroline's ex-husband Michael turns up out of the blue and wants another chance to make a go of their failed marriage???? Remember??? And poor old Charlie, Caroline's housekeeper, gets the boot, and goes off to work for local Henley peeress, Lady Rawcliffe and her charming butler Leo???? You remember now, don't you!!!! [No! - Ed]

It's unforgettable that "trolley scene", isn't it. You know, the one where Leo the butler wheels the tea-trolley away, and there's that awful squeaking sound - prompting Charlie to offer to Lady Rawcliffe to get the trolley oiled and serviced - you know.

Marvellous stuff! And I'm waiting for Lois to tell me that she can hear ME squeak and creak when I'm moving around the house or turning over in bed - it hasn't happened yet, but it's just a matter of time, I feel. Oh dear !!!!

Lady Rawcliffe seems very happy with Charlie as her new housekeeper, anyway, and she says something to him that I often say to Lois, which is nice.

Awwww!!!!!

And did you recognise Caroline's sleazy ex-husband, who turns up out of the blue, and who Caroline unwisely goes to bed with at the drop of a hat?

Caroline - unwisely goes to bed with her ex-husband Michael

who turns up out of the blue after 2 years.

Yes, it's actor Nick Henson playing sleazy ex-husband Michael in this 1990's show. But do you remember him from the mid-1970's as the sleazy guy in Fawlty Towers, you know, the one who tried to persuade Basil to book him and his girl-friend into a double-room at the hotel claiming that they were "married"? You must remember that one!!!