Tuesday September 19th 2023

11:00 Yesterday I finished writing my so-called presentation on "Elizabethan English", you know, the one that I've been asked to give to next month's meeting of Lynda's local U3A "Making of English" group meeting on zoom. And I've also parcelled out individual scenes from Shakespeare's "Macbeth" for group members to comment on the language used. And I emailed my presentation etc to Lynda. So that's all good!

The only "fly in the ointment" is that there's been complete silence from Lynda on my presentation and plans, which is a bit annoying. Still, I'm going to let that one slide, because Lynda has been group-leader for about 6 years, and it may have taken its toll on her, mentally - it wouldn't surprise me!

Lynda, our "Making of English" group leader (centre), seen here in happier times,

sporting her "mock-Hawaiian" tee-shirt, and taking part in an "old-codgers"  ukulele concert

And needless to say, I've of course omitted the famous scene where Lady Macbeth tries to get the blood of King Duncan off her hands. I feel that the memories of Dove Soap's disastrous version of the play are going to be too fresh in group members' minds still.

Call me overcautious if you like!

The "Out damn spot" scene: Lady Macbeth, walking in her sleep and confessing

her part in the king's murder, and being overheard by her doctor (left) and a maidservant

(photo by kind permission of Dove Soap and Unilever.com)

Do you remember that famous scene, where Lady Macbeth cries "Out damn spot!" ? She's walking and talking in her sleep about the assassination of King Duncan, in which she is implicated. Both Lady Macbeth and Macbeth have been unable to sleep since they murdered Duncan, but when she does manage to fall asleep she is plagued with a nightmare about the murder and the blood they have shed.  

As she walks, she rubs her hands as though washing them, trying to get rid of the blood. The spot she’s referring to is a spot of blood on her hand. She’s rubbing it, trying to erase it, but cannot. “Here’s yet a spot,” she cries, desperately rubbing.

However, I know a lot of people will still remember the disastrous "Dove" version, and I want to avoid stoking up any bad memories!  

Flashback to 2008 - do you remember the furore it created?

According to Doyle Redland of Onion Radio News, in a special report in 2008, a version of Macbeth sponsored by Dove Liquid Hand Soap was considerably different. Critics described a new production of Shakespeare’s Macbeth, overseen by the makers of Dove Liquid Hand Soap, as radically different although considerably less dramatic than the original play.

Reviewer Kevin Whiteley said that the famous scene of Lady Macbeth trying in vain to wash symbolic blood from her hands had all but lost its power. “She gets this spot off the back of her hand immediately, then spends the rest of the scene telling everyone how she loves the new grapefruit scent,” claimed Whiteley.

Last year’s Dove Soap production of Death of a Salesman ended with Willie Loman fully moisturised instead of dead. 

The moral is, as always: leave well alone, and let Shakespeare tell it his way - that's what I think! And maybe I'll get a reply from Lynda later today - let's hope so!

12:00 Lois sets to work in the kitchen making some of her delicious rock-cakes.

Lois makes 13 rock-cakes (lucky for some, i.e us!)

of which two have already disappeared - yum yum!

Meanwhile I get down to my other U3A role - that of leading the local Intermediate Danish group, which has been on holiday since about June. For the autumn term we're starting another Dan Sommerdahl whodunnit novel, no.2 in the series - Dan being a burnt-out advertising executive, who has turned his hand to crime-solving with his buddy in the local police force. 

The book is called "Judaskysset" (The Judas Kiss), and it's by Danish whodunnit-writer Anna Grue. My job, as group leader, is to help our group members out by compiling vocabulary lists for the more unusual words - I'm so kind-hearted haha !!!!

Anna Grue, Danish whodunnit writer and author

of "Judaskysset" (The Judas Kiss)

We normally do 5 pages of any given book at each of our fortnightly meetings - that's as much as we can manage in the 90-minute meetings, because most of the time is taken up with old-codger chit-chat, you know, generally complaining about things and talking about grandchildren and stuff - all in English! Oh dear!

The book looks promising, at first glance - on the cover it looks like there's an angry scene of some sort taking place. A woman looks to be seizing another woman by clutching both her upper arms - what the Danes call her "overarms", although it isn't clear why. 

And as I read slowly through the first 5 pages of the book, I see that the opening scene is all about 2 people in bed together - a young man of 29 who's an art-lover, and Ursula, a 63-year-old divorced art-teacher. 

The woman has woken up in the early hours, looks at her sleeping young lover and recalls how she "cringes every time she sees the soft, flabby flesh of her belly against the man's flat hard abdomen".

She gazes longingly at her sleeping young lover's taut silky-smooth skin, his muscles, his sinews etc, contrasting it with her own much flabbier and freckled "hylster", a word which is Danish for something like the "sack of skin" that we all carry our bones and organs etc around in. 

I can't find an English equivalent for "hylster". "Frame" doesn't really work because it sounds too angular and bony, and the woman is clearly thinking of herself as like a sack of potatoes. 

Suggestions on a postcard please!

And let's just hope, also, that this isn't yet another teacher-student relationship: those things are a bit of a no-no these days, aren't they, to put it mildly!

a typical scene involving a young man in bed with an older woman

Nevertheless, this kind of older-woman  young-man scenario, I'm guessing, is sure to play to the fantasies of many of our group-members, the majority of whom are - guess what - "senior" females, as is the case with most U3A groups! "What's not to like!", I can just hear them saying  haha!!!

Incidentally you're probably aware that there are words like the Danish "hylster" in all the Germanic languages. In English we have the word "holster", which is sort of a like a leather bag, often fixed to a belt, some leather bag, for putting things in. 

But, again, would Ursula in the story talk about her body as being a [flabby, freckled] "holster"?

I wonder...... !

a typical holster

Well. the jury's still out on that one, pending YOUR input, so put your thinking cap on please haha!!!

20:00 Lois and I wind down on the sofa by watching the much-awaited next episode of "Gone Fishing", which features comedians Paul Whitehouse and Bob Mortimer's fishing trips round the country. Tonight they're trying their luck hoping to find roach in the Hampshire Avon, one of Britain's ridiculously many (nine) rivers called Avon. The word "Avon"  being just the Welsh word for "river", which is what the cheeky Welsh natives told the early English invaders whenever they asked "What's that river called?".

What madness !!!!

We hear a lot about old codgers' problems again tonight, particularly from Bob.

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Poor Bob !!!!!!!!

Health problems aside, however, Lois and I have been very much looking forward to this episode because it's been widely leaked in pre-programme publicity that Paul's talking dog, Ted, may be about to "get lucky" - the two friends have arranged a "blind date" for Ted, so we'll see what develops!

Poor Ted!!!! He hasn't had much luck since 2020, his "glory year", when you'll remember that he scooped both the programme's "best newcomer" and "best personality" awards.

flashback to 2020: Paul's talking terrier, Ted, scoops both 

the "Gone Fishing" best newcomer and best personality awards

Lois and I feel that it should cheer Ted up a bit to have a romantic interest, and perhaps make him forget his "worry of the moment" - ruminating about where he left his famous briefcase. 

The boys ask him what his ideal lady-friend would be, and this is his answer:

Poor Ted !!!!!!!!!! And the boys have a pre-date chat with Ted, which is probably a good idea, as it's been a while since Ted's last date.

Poor Ted (again) !!!!! And the boys run Ted through a few typical conversation-starters that Ted could have with his blind date, Effie.

This is starting to look so promising, isn't it! And Lois and I feel that it sounds like this could be the start of a beautiful relationship for Ted and Effie.

the moment Effie, Ted's blind date, arrives

with his young lady owner

The actual date between Ted and Effie is private and isn't shown, of course, but we gather that it didn't go well.

after the date, Ted gives the boys a "debrief" on what went wrong

During the full post-date de-brief, Ted says (quote), "Look, it's just 'water under the bridge'. We didn't have nothing in common. We didn't 'click', you know?" 

And now it's just left to the boys to comfort poor Ted as best they can.

And Ted cheers up immediately when the boys promise to buy him a new briefcase, you know, a proper leather one, like.

Heart-warming stuff, and Lois and I are very much looking forward to seeing Ted's shiny-new leather briefcase in the next episode of the series, no doubt about that !!!!

Tremendous fun !!!!!!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzzz!!!!