Thursday, January 31 2019

08:30 I get up. I've still got a bad cold with an extra symptom: very sticky eyes, which is a little uncomfortable to say the least. I make a decision - and with a heavy heart I cancel by email and phone this afternoon's meeting here of our U3A Danish group, and report sick via email to Lynda to excuse myself from tomorrow's meeting of her U3A Middle English group. Now I can really really relax - hurrah!

11:30 Lois and I wind down with a cup of coffee on the couch and listen to the radio, an interesting programme about the art of intimacy (1st part of 2). This episode is about intimacy in literature. The host of the program is the charming Irish novelist Eimear McBride.

Eimear points out that conversations and negotiations between couples about consent or non-consent are rarely found in novels - because they are a bit of a mood killer to say the least.

She starts by looking for examples of a woman saying no, and there are repeated examples of a woman's repeated rejections in Samuel Richardson's "Pamela", which was published in 1740 and is one of the earliest novels in the English language.

The novel's heroine, Pamela, is a beautiful teenage girl who has got a job as a maid in the house of her master, a Mr. B.

From the get-go Mr B makes a big effort to seduce her, a campaign starting with flattery and bribery (silk stockings and other gifts), and eventually degenerating into a straightforward rape attempt with the aid of his maleficent and strangely mannish housekeeper, Mrs. Jewkes, who tries to hold Pamela down on the mattress for him.

Pamela resists and refuses to lose her virginity. She escapes being raped and finally accepts Mr B.'s marriage proposal, and the novel has a happy ending, almost in the style of Jane Austen.

There are pluses and minuses in "Pamela", according to Eimear, from the feminist point of view. Pamela's repeated refusals are generally respected by Mr B, which is a plus. But there are also a few minuses: the refusal that has the greatest impact on him is Pamela's tantrums and fainting attacks during the rape attempt: these are what finally convinces Mr B that he must propose marriage to her if he wants to have her. The second minus is the story’s moral that, if the man repeats his seduction attempts enough times, then he will finally triumph, which for centuries was a very widespread view held by many men.

Irish novellist Eimear McBride

Moving on through history, Eimear comments that Victorian society was actually more sympathetic to women than people usually think. Women could give consent in advance in various subtle ways, according to a handbook of the time:  tilting the hat to the right meant "no" and tilting it to the left meant "yes", for example. What madness!

And the importance of female orgasm was already recognised - it was called "the tinkling pleasure", and it was thought that without orgasm women could not get pregnant, a long-lasting myth. 

Eimear praises both Shakespeare and DH Lawrence: both had a sympathetic attitude towards women and recognised that sex was no good if the woman did not want it. She recalls Orlando's romantic approaches to Rosalind in "As You Want It" - the title itself suggests an absence of coercion.

According to Eimear, women are always okay with Shakespeare, who has an eternally romantic while unthreatening image from their vantage point.

Women are also ok with DH Lawrence, and with his hero, Oliver Mellors, who first and foremost is always searching for a strictly mutual experience with his Lady Chatterley. The book "Lady Chatterley" was banned for many decades, but really only because of its intimate details and naughty words, but when it comes to the importance it placed on mutual pleasure and gender equality, the book was surprisingly modern, says Eimear.

The couple's first attempt at intercourse was not satisfying because Lady C was somehow “absent” - which Oliver immediately senses, and he decides they should talk, and create the right mood before trying again, which is nice.

....

When I was a teenager, there was no copy of "Lady Chatterley's Lover" in my parents' house - no surprise there. But the neighbours, Mr and Mrs. Brown, paid me occasionally to babysit their young children, and I came across the book in one of their bookshelves, shortly after it became legal for Penguin Books to publish it.

Leafing through the book was a bit of a revelation to me, to put it mildly, after my quiet upbringing. But I can remember reading how Mellor was basically looking for a woman who had as much desire for intercourse as him - he was not interested in a half-hearted or reluctant reaction, I have to say.

12:30 We have lunch and afterwards I go to bed and take a gigantic afternoon nap, or rather a full-scale attempt at a kind of temporary “hibernation”. I take a little look at my smartphone, and I see that Steve, my brother-in-law, has sent me an interesting web article from "Nature Communications" all about a recent study about  "morning persons" and "night owls".

It turns out that, according to researchers at www.inverse.com, being a "morning person" is a behavioral sign of a person's underlying circadian rhythms. And it's their genes that determine their natural waking time.

This news is very reassuring - I have repeatedly tried to move back my waking time, but without success. I now realise that I was just fighting my own genes, which was always going to be a bit of a losing battle, to put it mildly.

It also turns out that morning persons are less likely to suffer from depression or schizophrenia, which is good news for me, as a dyed–in-the-wool  morning person. I can do without  a bout of depression and a bout of schizophrenia on top of my existing cold, thank you very much!

16:00 I get up and Lois and I relax with a cup of tea and an Australian biscuit on the couch. We discuss my current bedtime book, "The Languages ​​of Scandinavia: the Seven Sisters of the North", by Ruth H. Sanders, professor of German studies at Miami University, Ohio.

Ruth H. Saunders, the book's author

The book is a bit unusual because it also covers the Finnish and Sami languages ​​of northern Scandinavia - I do not know these two languages, although I can speak their distant relative a little, ie Hungarian.

It is also interesting that the book contains historical and genetic information about the Nordic, Finnish and Sami people.

Who would have thought 50 years ago that we would be able to get such a lot of historical information about prehistoric times, just by examining the genes of both today's people and the remains of people whom archaeologists discover in the earth?

It is well known that modern Icelanders' DNA-profile reflects clear traces of the island's earliest population, which was dominated by unions between Scandinavian men, and the Celtic women they picked up in Ireland and Scotland, on their way from Norway to Iceland.

However additionally I read today in Ruth’s book that a mitrochondrial DNA line found in some Icelanders in a study in 2010 is identical to a DNA line present in the DNA of the earliest settlers in North America from 14,000 years ago.

The researchers concluded that the most likely explanation was for a Native American woman to have been transported to Iceland from "Vinland" (the short-lived Nordic colony in today's Newfoundland) in the 10th century or so, and that the woman subsequently gave birth to one or more daughters.

And there is a story in Erik the Red's Saga, where a group of Nordic men took two children back to Iceland from "Vinland", taught them their Scandinavian language, and baptised them into the Christian religion. If at least one of the two children was a girl, this might explain this interesting aspect of modern Icelanders' DNA profile.

Is genetics not totally fascinating? Who would want to study anything else?

18:00 We have dinner and spend the rest of the evening watching a bit of television. An old episode of Top of the Pops is on, from February 1987.

The episode contains one of Lois's favourite songs, Carly Simon's "Coming Around Again", which she always finds very touching.

She says the song is about love and the fact that family life can really be quite difficult. Things have become too much for the woman, and she knows that the changes in her husband have pushed them apart. But she knows that she still loves him and just needs time and understanding to get on top of things again. So here in her song she is really declaring her love for him. Simples !!!!

Carly Simon's "Coming Around Again", one of Lois's favourite songs

When the episode was first broadcast by the BBC, our elder daughter, Alison, was 11 years old and our younger daughter, Sarah, who now lives in Australia, was 9 years old.

Flashback to February 1987: Alison (11) and Sarah (9)

playing in the backyard with their snowman

Happy times !!!!

All day long I have felt really really bad. And I certainly took the right decision this morning, when, with a heavy heart, I cancelled our Danish group's meeting - I have no doubts about that now.

I remember that when I was still working, I was always in two minds after phoning in sick: was I a being a wimp, could I have done my job perfectly well? Was it better to work through it, or was it important not to infect my colleagues, I used to brood and brood - what madness !!! Now that I am a retiree, it does not matter any more, which is a bit of a relief.

22:00 We go to bed - separate beds tonight because of my cold - yikes zzz-atjuh-zzzz !!!

Danish translation

08:30 Jeg står op. Jeg er stadig meget forkølet, med et ekstra symptom: meget klæbrige øjne, hvilket er lidt ubehageligt for at sige mildt. Jeg tager en beslutning – og med et tungt hjerte aflyser jeg via email og telefon eftermiddagens møde af vores U3A danske gruppe og sygemelder mig via email til Lynda fra morgendagens møde af hendes U3A middelengelske gruppe. Nu kan jeg virkelig virkelig virkelig slappe af – hurra!

11:30 Lois og jeg slapper af med en kop kaffe i sofaen og lytter lidt til radio, et interessant program, der handler om intimitetskunsten (1 del af 2). Dette afsnit handler om intimitetskunsten i litteratur. Programmets vært er den charmerende irske romanforfatter Eimear McBride.

Eimear påpeger, at samtaler og aftaler blandt potentielle kærestepar om samtykke eller ikke-samtykke findes sjældent i romaner – fordi det er lidt af en stemning-killer for at sige mildt. Hun starter med af lede efter eksemplarer på at en kvinde siger nej og der er gentagende gange eksemplarer på en kvindes gentagede afslag i Samuel Richardsons ”Pamela”,der blev udgivet I 1740 og udgøre en de tidligste romaner på det engelske sprog.

Romanens heltinde, Pamela, er en smuk teenagepige, som har fået et job som tjenestepige i huset af sin herre, Mr. B. Umiddlebart gør Mr B en stor indsats i at forføre hende og score hende, en kampagne, der starter med smiger og bestikkelse (silkestrømper og andre gaver), og til sidst degenerer til et voldtægtsforsøg ved hjælp af hans onde og mærkeligt manlige husholderske fr. Jewkes, som prøver at holde Pamela ned på madrassen.

Pamela modstår ham, og nægter at miste sin mødom. Hun slipper af sted med ikke at blive voldtaget, og accepterer endelig Mr Bs frieri, og romanen har en lykkelig slutning, noget i stil med Jane Austen måske.

Der er plusser og minusser i ”Pamela”, ifølge Eimear, set ud fra det feministiske synspunkt. Pamelas gentagede afslag bliver respekteret af Mr B, hvilket er en plus. Men der er også et par minusser:  det afslag, der har den største indvirkning er Pamelas raserianfald og besvimelseanfald under voldtægtsforsøget: disse gøre Mr B endelig til at blive overbevist, at han må fri til hende, hvis han ønsker at score hende. Det andet minus er moralen, at hvis manden fortsætter med sine forførelsesforsøg i nok gange , så vil han endelig triumfere, hvilket i århundreder var en meget udbredt synspunkt blandt mange mænd.

den irske romanforfatter, Eimear McBride

Lidt senere i historie var det viktorianske samfund faktisk mere sympatisk over for kvinder, end man plejer at tro. Kvinder kunne give samtykke i forvejen på forskellige måder, ifølge en daværende håndbog:  at vippe hatten til højre betød ”nej” og at vippe til venstre betød ”ja”, for eksempel. Vigtigheden af den kvindelige orgasme var anerkendt – det hed ”the tinkling pleasure”, og man troede, at uden orgasmen kunne kvinder ikke blive gravid, en langvarig myte. Sikke et vanvid!!!!

Eimar roser både Shakespeare og DH Lawrence: begge to havde en sympatisk holdning overfor kvinder, og anerkendte, at sex var ikke god hvis kvinden ikke ville have den. Hun mindes om Orlandos romantiske tilnærmelser til Rosalind i ”Som du vil have det” – selve titlen foreslår et fravær af tvang.

Ifølge Eimar er kvinder altid ok med Shakespeare, der har et evigt romantisk og utruende image fra deres udsigtspunkt.

Kvinder er også ok med DH Lawrence, og med hans helt, Oliver Mellors, der aldtid leder først og fremmest efter gensidig nydelse med sin Lady Chatterley. Bogen ”Lady Chatterley” var forbudt for mange årtier bare på grund af sine intime detaljer og frække ord, men når det kommer til vigtigheden af gensidige nydelser og ligestilling mellem kønnene, var bogen overraskende moderne.

Parrets første samlejeforsøg var ikke tilfredsstillende, fordi hun på en eller anden måde var fraværende – det fornemmer Oliver godt, og han beslutter sig at tale lidt med hende og skabe den rigtige stemning, før de forsøger igen, hvilket er rart.

 ......

Da jeg var teenager, var der intet eksemplar af ”Lady Chatterley’s Lover” i mine forældres hus – ingen overraskelse der. Men naboerne, hr. og fru. Brown, betalte mig nu og da for at babysitte deres unge børn, og jeg faldt over bogen i en af deres bogreoler, kort efter det blev lovligt for Penguin Books at udgive den.

Det, at blade igennem bogen var lidt af en åbenbaring for mig, for at sige mildt, efter min stille opdragelse. Men jeg kan godt huske Mellors jagt efter en kvinde, der havde så meget lyst til samlejet som han – han var ikke interesseret i et halvhjertet eller uvilligt reaktion, det må jeg nok sige!

12:30 Vi spiser frokost og bagefter går jeg i seng for at tage en gigantisk eftermiddagslur, for at sige mildt, eller snarere for at gå i hi. Jeg kigger lidt på min smartphone, og jeg ser, at Steve, min svigerbror, har sendt mig en interessant webartikel fra ”Nature Communications”, der handler om en nylig fremlæggelse om ”morgenmennesker” og ”natteravne”.

Det viser sig, at ifølge forskere på www.inverse.com, er det, at være en "morgenmenneske" et adfærdsmæssig tegn på en persons underliggende cirkadiske rytme. Og det er deres gener, der påvirker deres naturlige vågningstid.

Denne nyhed er meget beroligende – jeg har gentagende gange prøvet at tilbagerykke min vågningstid, men uden succés. Jeg indser nu, at jeg bare kæmpede mod mine gener, hvilket altid kommer til at være lidt af en tabende kamp, for at sige mildt.

Også det viser sig, at morgenmennesker er mindre tilbøjelige til at lide af depression eller skizofreni, hvilket er en god nyhed for mig, der er en vaskeægte morgenmenneske.  Jeg kan godt klare mig uden at lide af et anfald af depression eller skizofreni, udover min nuværende forkølelse – det må jeg nok sige!

16:00 Jeg står op kl 16 og Lois  og jeg slapper af med en kop te og en australsk kiks i sofaen. Vi diskuterer min nuværende sengetidbog, ”The Languages of Scandinavia: the Seven Sisters of the North”, af Ruth H. Sanders, professor i tyske studier på Miami University, Ohio.

Ruth H. Saunders, bogens forfatter

Bogen er lidt usædvanligt, fordi den dækker også de finske og samiske sprog af det nordlige Skandinavien – jeg kender ikke disse to sprog, selvom jeg kan tale deres fjerne slægtning lidt, dvs ungarsk.

Det er også interessant, at bogen indeholder historiske og genetiske oplysninger om de nordiske, finske og samiske folk.

Hvem ville have tænkt for 50 år siden, at vi ville kunne få sådan en masse historiske oplysninger om forhistoriske tider, lige ved at undersøge generne både af nutidens mennesker og resterne af mennesker, som arkæologer opdager i jorden?

Det er velkendt at moderne islændinges dna afspejler store spor af øens tidligste befolkning, der var domineret af skandinavske mænd, og de kvinder, mændene hentede i Irland og Skotland på vej fra Norge til Island.

Men jeg læste i dag i bogen, at et mitrokondisk DNA-linje fundet i nogle islændinge i en undersøgelse i 2010 er identisk med en DNA-linje, der var til stede i DNA'en af de tidligste bosættere i Nord-Amerika, for 14.000 år siden. Forskerne kom til den konklusion, at den mest sandsynlige forklaring var, at en indført amerikanske kvinde blev transporteret til Island fra ”Vinland” (den kortvarige nordiske koloni i nutidens Newfoundland) i det 10. århundrede eller deromkring, og at den kvinde efterfølgende fødte et eller flere børn.

Og der er en historie i Erik den Rødes Saga, hvor en gruppe nordiske mænd tog to børn med tilbage til Island fra ”Vinland”, lærte dem deres skandinavske sprog, og døbte dem på den kristne tro. Hvis mindst ét af de to børn var en pige, så ville dette måske forklare dette interessante aspekt af moderne islændinges DNA-profil.

Er genetikken ikke helt fascinerende? Hvem ville have lyst til at studere noget andet?

18:00 Vi spiser aftensmad og bruger resten af aftenen på at se lidt fjernsyn. De viser et gammelt afsnit af Top of the Pops fra februar 1987.

Afsnittet indeholder en af Lois’ yndlingssange, Carly Simons ”Coming Around Again”,  som Lois finder meget rørende.

Hun siger, sangen handler om kærlighed og det faktum, at familielivet i virkeligheden kan være ret svært. Ting er blevet for meget til kvinden, og hun ved, at ændringerne i hendes mand har skubbet dem fra hinanden. Men hun ved, at hun stadig elsker ham og bare har brug for tid og forståelse for at komme ovenpå igen. Så i dennes sang erklærer hun sin kærlighed til ham.

Simples!!!!

Carly Simons “Coming Around Again”, en af Lois’ yndlingssange

Da afsnittet først blev sendt af BBC, var vores ældste datter, Alison, 11 år, og vores yngste datter, Sarah, nu boende i Australien, 9 år.

Tilbageblik til februar 1987: Alison (11) og Sarah (9)

i baghaven med deres snemand

Lykkelige tider!!!!

Hele dagen har jeg følt mig virkelig virkelig dårligt tilpas. Og jeg tog helt sikkert den rigtige beslutning, da jeg med et tungt hjerte aflyste vores danske gruppes møde – det har jeg ikke nogen tvivl om.

Jeg mindes om, dengang  jeg stadig arbejdede, var jeg altid i syv sind, efter jeg sygemeldte mig: var jeg en tøsedreng, kunne jeg faktisk have klaret mig på arbejde? Var det bedre at arbejde igennem, eller var det vigtigt ikke at smitte mine kollegaer, jeg plejede at gruble og gruble – sikke et vanvid!!! Nu, hvor jeg er pensionsit,  gør det hele ikke noget, hvilket er beroligende.

22:00 Vi går i seng – adskilte senge i nat på grund af min forkølelse – yikes! Zzzzzzzzzz! Zzz-atjuh-zzzz!!!