Danskcolin: Sunday, February 10 2019

09:30 Sarah, our daughter in Perth, Australia sends me a text message. She can't talk this morning with us on whatsapp - 10am (English time) is our regular time. She's very busy tonight, she says, but she promises to talk to us later in the week. Lois and I suspect she is busy because of the upcoming end to the Australian tax year - she is an accountant and works for Western Australia's largest landscaping firm.

Flashback to March 2018: we pick Sarah up at the end of her working day

It's a bit of a shame that we can't talk to her today, and also to our 5-year-old twin grandchildren, Lily and Jessie, because last week was their first week in primary school over there. It would have been nice and a lot off fun to hear a little about their first impressions.

Lily (left) and Jessie, our 5-year-old twin children,

earlier this week in their new school uniforms on the balcony of their house

in Ocean Reef, Perth: the Indian Ocean can be seen in the background

We suspect that our other grandchildren, Josie (12), Rosalind (10) and Isaac (8), who live in Haslemere, Surrey, are busy at the moment, but are also feeling very excited. The whole family, including our daughter Alison and our son-in-law Ed are planning to watch a football match today in London's famous Wembley Stadium, Tottenham Hotspurs vs. Leicester City - little Isaac is the Spurs team's biggest young fan, no doubt about that. And he is a walking encyclopedia about their players and their previous match results and all the statistics, etc., something which 8-year-old boys often are – my god, what madness !!!!

flashback to December: (left to right) Rosalind, Alison, Josie, and Isaac, who's

running to hug us after he opened his Christmas gift from us: a package of Spurs-themed

accessories, including a Harry Kane # 10 soccer shirt - yikes!

later in the day: Isaac in his brand new Harry Kane shirt

11:00 I drive Lois over to Tewkesbury. She wants to participate in her sect's 2 worship services, which are taking place today in the town library. Originally, she was planning to drive herself over there, but she hasn't got used to her new glasses yet and she has asked me to drive her over there instead.

I drop her off the front of the library and drive home. I have a little alone time, but not as much as I expected - I have to leave the house again at 2:30 pm to pick Lois up in the nearby parking lot after the 2nd service finishes.

12:00 So not a great deal of time, but No. 1 on my 10-mile-long to-do-list is to replace the pantry door handles - damn!

Lois and I have lived in this house for just over 32 years - and I often think when I touch a door handle or a light switch, that I touched them for the first time over 32 years ago.

In January 1986, we had just moved into this house. We had recently moved back to England after a 3-year stay in the US, and our 2 daughters, Alison and Sarah, were 11 and 9 years old, respectively. The house rang with laughter. Happy days! Now it's just Lois and me living here - 2 old crows in a house that is too big for us. Poor us !!!!!

flashback to January 1986: Alison (11) and Sarah (9) enjoying themselves

with their little American sleds in our backyard - happy days !!!!

the house’s backyard today (February 2019)

12:15 I start to replace the handles on the door to the pantry, which have recently been a little unreliable, to say the least. It would be a bit of a disaster if we couldn't open the door and access all the delicious foods we've stored in there, I have to say. The problem is that I have got out of the habit of doing d-i-y, so the job takes me about twice as long as it would have done in the old days - damn!

Also, the holes for the new door handles are not in the same position as the old ones, so I have to drill new holes in the door, which is a little annoying to put it mildly. Damn (again) !

But the door now opens and closes without a problem, which is the most important thing - hurrah !!

the door opens and closes now effortlessly,

which is the most important thing - hurrah!

There's nothing more frustrating than a door handle that doesn't work properly, especially when it comes to bathrooms and toilets. A local man recently hit the headlines when he spent a whole train ride trying to figure out if he should go to the toilet, and if so, exactly when.

local man Michael Brobert

Lois and I were a little shocked when we read in Onion News about local man Michael Broberg's nightmare of a train ride that he recently experienced.

Broberg told local journalists that he got aboard the Metro-North railway company's 08:37 train with just one goal: to find a vacant toilet in one of the train's seven passenger cars and relieve himself on his journey. However, unforeseen obstacles forced him to constantly revise and reassess this plan during the nearly two-hour commute.

"On reflection, the moment I first boarded [the train] was probably my best window of opportunity," said Broberg, 32, an advertising agency copywriter who routinely commutes to and from the city.

Although he says he did not feel a strong urge to urinate at boarding time, the cola-filled Broberg still wanted to visit the toilet before the train left the terminal, "just in case ...", but his shoulder bag provoked a dilemma. "If I left it on the seat, someone could just come and steal it," Broberg said. "And I know that if I had brought it with me to the bathroom, I would definitely have lost my seat. Then I would have had to stand up the whole trip."

But his bladder pressure continued to rise, and while he began anticipating a long commute without the chance to pee, Broberg took a last minute decision to change seats and move to one that was directly opposite the toilet so he could continue to monitor it.

"There is a little orange light over the door that is supposed to be illuminated if someone is in there, but it never works," said Broberg, and he admitted that anxiety about entering an occupied toilet has affected his use of public bathrooms in the past. His orange-light theory was confirmed when a woman entered the toilet shortly before departure, and the light failed to turn on.

"Considering that the locks are as unreliable as they are and people find it hard to hear you knocking over the noise from the train, it's important to keep an eye on the toilet," Broberg said. "Unless, of course, you want to trust the people sitting across the bathroom, but nine times out of 10, they just guess when they say that no one is in there."

Broberg then made a sudden decision to give it a shot, but as soon as he got up, an elderly man "came out of nowhere" and slipped into the toilet.

"I got up and stood beside the bathroom door, but the guy took a hell of a time in there," Broberg said. "I waited for at least 10 minutes and I began to think he might have come out and I hadn't noticed. But then I heard that a bunch of coughs coming from inside."

Broberg could not wait any longer, so he walked past a toilet in the next wagon that had a queue of three people, and finally found an unoccupied handicapped toilet in the first wagon.

"The disabled toilets have these large sliding doors. But when I walked in and tried to close it, I realised that the handle was broken and the door could not be secured unless you reached your hand over and held the handle while you were peeing", an option which Broberg said he was not willing to try. "I'm not an acrobat."

What a nightmare! Poor Broberg!

Toilet door handles are the most embarrassing things when they are not working properly. I remember being once stuck in a toilet in a college in Hungary once in 1993 or thereabouts. There was a small window, but the toilet was 4 floors up. Luckily my friend "Magyar" Mike became suspicious when I didn't show up for a meeting, and he asked the college porter to investigate my disappearance – my god, what a crazy world we live in !!!!!

13:00 I have lunch and watch the first half hour of a television biography of singer David Bowie, which was aired last night, and which I recorded on our YouView device.

Bowie grew up in Bromley, a quiet and peaceful suburb of London, and had the world's most boring parents, it seems - he was more than eager to leave the suburbs and make a career in the music industry a success, to put it mildly.

Bowie's "boring" parents

one of Bowie's first girlfriends

the girlfriend recalls a visit to Bowie's parents in Bromley

It took Bowie a hell of a time to get his breakthrough - he released a number of singles in the 1960's, firstly under his real name (David Jones) and later as David Bowie, but they were all failures.

I have always had a soft spot for Bowie's songs since I first heard him sing on the radio before he became famous, that is, when he was still using his real name David Jones. He sang a song "Can’t Help Thinking About Me", with a lyric that I could relate to: "Remember when we used to go to church on Sundays / and lie awake terrified of school on Mondays". It spoke to me for some reason.

It is a little surprising to find that the majority of his early songs were not very good: one tends to assume that people with a great talent are born with that talent, and that that talent is just waiting to burst out at the first opportunity, but it seems that it can sometimes lie dormant. I suspect that in the 1960’s Bowie was still looking to find his own style.

13:30 After lunch, I go to bed and take a short afternoon nap. I get up at 2:30 pm and go and pick up Lois. We drive home and relax with a cup of tea and a biscuit on the couch.

Lois tells me that she has arranged to spend a few hours tomorrow with her friend, Margaret, in the town of Evesham: morning coffee, and then lunch. But because of her problems with her new glasses, she asks me to drive her over and she invites me to stay there for the morning coffee and lunch so I can drive her home again then.

To be honest, I don't want to spend that many hours with Margaret - it's not my favourite way to spend time, I have to say! So I persuade Lois to tell Margaret that we just want to stay for the coffee and then come home, so I can take my regular afternoon nap. I have become a bit of an old wreck - I have to admit!

18:00 We have dinner: roast lamb, roast potatoes, brussel sprouts and home-grown green beans, and home-made plum tart for dessert - yum yum! We are eating like kings now that our freezer doesn't work any longer ha ha ha!

I take a little look at my smartphone and I see that Alison, our daughter in Haslemere, and Ed, our son-in-law, have posted a bunch of charming photos on Facebook about the family's exciting day in London (Wembley Stadium) where they arrived early to see Spurs - and the team's football match against Leicester City.

20:00 Lois and I spend the evening watching television, an interesting documentary about Benjamin Britten's "Young Person’s Guide to the Orchestra". The host of the program is the charming but skinny Katy Derham.

The work is absolutely fantastic, no doubt about that. But it speaks volumes that Britten was forced to use one of Purcell's wonderful melodies as the basis for his variations. Modern composers cannot create tunes - or do not want to create them, which is a bit of a shame. Anyone can compose mood music or background music, but it takes a genius to create a melody that remains popular for over 300 years, I have to say.

Katie Derham (right), the programme's charming but skinny host

Lois and I are struck by how much Britten resembled Magician Teller counter from the Big Bang Theory. We wonder if perhaps they might be related.

Britten

Magician Teller from the Big Bang Theory: could

the two men be related ???

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz !!!!!

Danish translation

09:30 Sarah, vores datter i Perth, Australien sender mig en sms. Hun kan ikke tale i formiddag med os på whatsapp – kl.10 (engelsk tid) er vores regelmæssige tid. Hun har meget travlt i aften, siger hun, men hun lover, hun skal tale med os senere på ugen. Lois og jeg formoder, at hun har travlt på grund af den kommende slutning af det australske skatteår – hun er revisor, og arbejder for Western Australia-delstatens største landskabsarkitektsfirma.

Tilbageblik til marts 2018: vi afhenter Sarah ved slutningen af hendes arbejdsdag

Det er lidt af en skam, at vi ikke kan tale med hende i dag, og med vores 5-årige tvillingebørnebørn, Lily og Jessie, fordi sidste uge var deres første uge i folkeskole derovre. Det ville have været rart og sjovt at høre lidt om deres første indtryk.

Lily (til venstre) og Jessie, vores 5-årige tvillingebørnebørn,

tidligere på ugen i deres nye skoleuniformer på altanen af deres hus i Ocean Reef, Perth:

det Indiske Ocean kan ses i baggrunden

Vi formoder at vores andre børnebørn, Josie (12), Rosalind (10) og Isaac (8), der bor i Haslemere, Surrey, har travlt for tiden, men bliver også meget begejstret. Hele familien, inklusive vores datter Alison og vores svigersøn Ed planlægger at se en fodboldkamp i dag i Londones berømte Wembley Stadium, Tottenham Hotspurs vs Leicester City – lille Isaac er Spurs-holdets største unge fan, ingen tvivl om det. Og han er en omvandrende encyklopedi om deres spillere og deres forrige kampresultater og statistikker osv, som 8-årige drenge ofte er – du godeste, sikke et vanvid!!!!

tilbageblik til december: (venstre til højre) Rosalind, Alison, Josie, der løber at

kramme os efter han åbnede sin julegave fra os: en pakke af Spurs-tematiserede

tilbehør, inklusive en Harry Kane nr. 10 fodboldskjorte – yikes!

senere på dagen: Isaac i sin spritnye Harry Kane-skjorte

11:00 Jeg kører Lois over til Tewkesbury. Hun ønsker at deltage i sin sekts 2 gudstjenester, der finder sted i dag i byens bibliotek. Oprindeligt planlagde hun at køre sig selv derovre, men hun er ikke vænnet sig til sine nye briller endnu og hun har bedt mig om at køre hende i stedet for.

Jeg sætter hende af foran biblioteket og kører hjem. Jeg har lidt alenetid, men ikke så meget som forventet – jeg må forlade huset igen kl 14:30 for at afhente hende på den nærliggende parkeringsplads efter den 2. gudstjeneste.

12:00 Ikke en del alenetid, men nr. 1 på min 10-miles-lange gøremålsliste er at udskifte håndtagene til spisekammerdøren – pokkers!

Lois og jeg har boet i dette hus i lidt over 32 år – og jeg tænker ofte, da jeg rører et dørhåndtag eller en lyskontakt, at jeg rørte dem for første gang for over 32 år siden.

I januar 1986, var vi lige flyttet ind i dette hus. Vi var for nylig flyttet tilbage til England efter 3-års ophold i USA, og vores 2 døtre, Alison og Sarah, var henholdsvis 11 og 9 år gamle. Huset genlød af latter. Lykkelige dage! Nu er det bare Lois og mig, der bor her – 2 gamle krager i et hus, der er for stort for os. Stakkels os !!!!!

tilbageblik til januar 1986: Alison (11) og Sarah (9) hygger sig

med deres små amerikanske slæder i vores baghave – lykkelige dage!!!!

husets baghave i dag (februar 2019)

12:15 Jeg går i gang med at udskifte dørhåndtagene på døren til spisekammeret, der for nylig har været lidt upålidelige, for at sige mildt. Det ville være lidt af en katastrofe, hvis vi ikke kunne åbne døren og få adgang til alle de lækre fødevarer, vi har lagret derinde, det må jeg nok sige. Problemet er, at jeg er kommet ud af vane med at gøre d-i-y, så det tager mig ca. 2 gange så lang tid som det ville have gjort i de gamle dage – pokkers!

Også hullerne til de nye dørhåndtagene er ikke i samme position som de gamle, så jeg skal bore nye huller i døren, hvilket er lidt irriterende for at sige mildt. Pokkers (igen).

Men døren åbner og lukker uden besvær, hvilket er det vigtigste – hurra!!

døren åbner og lukker uden besvær,

hvilket er det vigtigste – hurra!

Der er ikke noget mere frustrerende, end et dørhåndtag, der ikke fungerer rigtigt, især når det kommer til badeværelser og toiletter. En lokal mand ramte overskrifterne for nylig, da han brugte en hel togtur på at prøve at beslytte, om han skulle gå på toilettet, og hvis ja, præcis hvornår.

den lokale mand Michael Brobert

Lois og jeg bleve lidt chokeret, da vi læste i Onion News om den lokale mand Michael Brobergs mareridt af en togtur, som han overlevede for nylig.

Broberg fortalte lokale journalister, at han steg ombord på Metro-North jernbaneselskabets 08:37 tog med ét mål: at finde et ledigt toilet i et af togets syv personvogne og forrette sin nødtørft sig på det. Uforudsete hindringer tvang ham imidlertid til konstant at revidere og revurdere denne plan i løbet af den næsten to timers pendling.

"Ved nærmere eftertanke, øjeblikket jeg først gik ombord [på toget], var nok mit bedste mulighedsvindue for mulighed," sagde Broberg, 32, en reklamebureauforfatter, der rutinemæssigt pendler til og fra byen.

Selv om han siger, at han ikke følte en stærk trang til at lade vandet lige ved ombordstigningstiden, ville den cola-fyldte Broberg stadig gå på toilettet før toget forlod Grand Central Terminal, "bare for det tilfælde...", men hans skuldertaske udgjorde et dilemma. "Hvis jeg forlod den på sædet, kunne nogen bare komme lige og stjæle den," sagde Broberg. "Og jeg ved, at hvis jeg havde bragt det med mig i badeværelset, ville jeg helt sikkert have mistet mit sæde. Så ville jeg måtte stå hele turen."

Men sit blærepres fortsatte at stige, og mens han begyndte at forudse en lange pendling uden chancen for at tisse, tog Broberg en sidste minut beslutning at skifte sæder og flytte til et, der var direkte over for toilettet, så han kunne fortsætte med at overvåge det.

"Der er et lille orange lys over døren, der skal lyses, hvis nogen er derinde, men det arbejder aldrig", sagde Broberg, og han indrømmede, at angst om at gå ind i et optaget toilettet har påvirket hans offentlige brug af badeværelser før i tiden. Hans orange-lys teori blev bekræftet, da en kvinde kom ind i toilettet kort før afgang, og lyset lykkedes ikke at tænde.

"I betragtning af, at låsene er så upålidelige som de er, og folk har svært ved at høre dig banke over støjen fra toget, er det vigtigt at holde øje med toilettet," sagde Broberg. "medmindre du selvfølgelig vil have tillid til de mennesker, der sidder på tværs af badeværelset, men ni gange ud af 10, gætter de bare, når de siger ingen er derinde."

Pludselig tog Broberg en beslutning om at give det et skud, men så snart han stod op, kom en ældre mand "ud af intetsteds" og smuttede ind i toilettet.

"Jeg rejste mig op og stod ved siden af badeværelsesdøren, men fyren tog en helvedes tid derinde," sagde Broberg. "Jeg ventede i mindst 10 minutter, og jeg begyndte at tro, at han måske var kommet ud og jeg ikke havde bemærket. Men så hørte jeg, at en række hoster lød indefra."

Broberg kunne ikke ventede længere, så han gik forbi et toilet i den næste vogn, der havde en kø på tre personer, og så endelig fundet et uoptaget handicappet toilet i den første vogn.

"De handicappede toiletter har disse store skydedøre. Men da jeg gik ind og forsøgte at lukke den, indså jeg, at håndtaget blev brudt, og døren kunne ikke sikres, medmindre du rækkede hånden derover og holdt håndtaget mens du tissede", en mulighed som Broberg sagde, han ikke var villig til at forsøge. "Jeg er ikke akrobat."

Sikke et mareridt! Stakkels Broberg!

Toiletdørhåndtagene er de mest pinlige ting, når de ikke fungerer rigtigt. Jeg mindes om, jeg engang i 1993 eller deromkring blev indespærret i et toilet på et kollegium i Ungarn. Der var et lille vindue, men toilettet var 4 etager oppe. Heldigvis min ven ”Magyar” Mike blev mistænksom, da jeg ikke dukkede op til et møde, og han bed kollegiets portør om at undersøge min forsvindelse – du godeste, sikke en skør verden vi lever i !!!!!

13:00 Jeg spiser frokost og se den første halvtime af en tv-biografi af sangeren David Bowie, der blev sendt i går aftes, som jeg optog på vores YouView-enhed.

Bowie voksede op i Bromley, en stille og rolig forstad til London, og havde verdens mest kedelige forældre, lader det til, -og han var meget meget ivrig efter at forlade forstæderne og gør en karriere i musikbranchen til en succés, for at sige mildt.

Bowies ”kedelige” forældre

en af Bowies første kærester

hun mindes om et besøg hos Bowies forældre i Bromley

Det tog ham en helvedes tid til at opnå sit gennembrud – han udsendte en række singles i 1960’erne, først under sit reelle navn (David Jones) og senere som David Bowie, men de var alle fiaskoer.

Jeg har altid haft en svaghed for Bowies sange, siden jeg først hørte ham synge i radio, før han blev berømt, dvs dengang han stadig brugte sit reelt navn David Jones. Han sang en sang “Can’t Help Thinking About Me”, med en tekst, som jeg kunne relatere til: “Remember when we used to go to church on Sundays / and I lay awake at night terrified of school on Mondays”. Det sagde mig noget af en eller anden grund.

Det er lidt overraskende at opdage, at størstedelen af sine tidlige sange var ikke særlig gode: man har tendens til at formode at folk med en stor talent blive født med talenten og den er klar til at vise sig ved den første mulighed, men det lader til, at den nogle gange kan ligge i dvale og komme skævt ind på det gentagende gange. Jeg mistænker, at Bowie i 1960’erne stadig var på jagt efter at finde sin egen stil.

13:30 Efter frokost går jeg i seng for at tage en kort eftermiddagslur. Jeg står op kl 14:30 for at afhente Lois. Vi kører hjem og slapper af med en kop te og en kiks i sofae. Lois fortæller mig, at hun har aftalt at tilbringe nogle timer i morgen hos hendes veninde, Margaret, i byen Evesham: morgenkaffe, og så frokost. Men på grund af sine problemer med sine nye briller, beder hun mig om at køre hende derover og hun invitere mig til at forblive der til morgenkaffen og frokosten så jeg kan køre hende hjem igen derefter.

Ærligt talt har jeg ikke lyst til at tilbringe så mange timer hos Margaret – det er ikke min foretrukne måde at dræbe tid på, det må jeg nok sige! Så derfor overtaler jeg Lois at fortælle Margaret, at vi bare vil forblive til kaffen og så komme hjem, så jeg kan tage min regelmæssige eftermiddagslur. Jeg er blevet til lidt af et gammelt vrag – det må jeg indrømme!

18:00 Vi spiser aftensmad: stegte lam, stegte kartofler og med rosenkål og hjemmedyrkede grønne bønner, og hjemmelavet blommetærte til dessert – yum yum! Vi spiser som konger nu hvor vores fryser ikke virker længere ha ha ha!

Jeg kigger lidt på min smartphone, og jeg ser at Alison, vores datter i Haslemere, og Ed, vores svigersøn har lagt en række charmerende fotos på Facebook om familiens spændende dag i London (Wembley Stadium), hvor de ankom tildligt for at se Spurs-holdets fodboldkamp mod Leicester City.

20:00 Vi bruger aftenen på at se lidt fjernsyn, et interessant dokumentarfilm, der handler om Benjamin Brittens ”Young Persons Guide to the Orchestra”. Programmets vært er den charmerende men magre Katy Derham.

Værket er helt fantastisk, ingen tvivl om det. Men det taler mængder, at Britten blev tvunget til at bruge en af Purcells vidundlige melodier som grundlag til hans variationer. Moderne komponister kan ikke skabe melodier – eller har ikke lyst til at skabe dem, hvilket er lidt af en skam. Nogen som helst kan skabe stemningsmusik eller baggrundmusik, men det tager en geni til at skabe en melodi der forblive populær i over 300 år, det må jeg nok sige.