Danskcolin: Thursday, February 14 2019

08:00 I jump back into bed with Lois and we drink our morning tea. We exchange Valentine's Day cards and gifts, but unfortunately we do not have time to stay in bed because we have to take a shower and have breakfast. Our Hotpoint engineer is arriving this morning some time between 9 am and 1 pm.

10:00 After breakfast I start clearing up and vacuuming in the living room, because our U3A Danish group is gathering here this afternoon at 2:30 pm. Then I pack my stuff into one of our 2 small suitcases, because tomorrow we are going to Haslemere to spend the weekend with Alison, our eldest daughter, plus Ed, her husband, and their 3 children - Josie (12) Rosalind (10) and Isaac (8). Alison has asked us to babysit the children on Saturday night, because she and Ed have been invited to dinner with the parents of one of Rosalind's new school friends.

The family moved back to England last year after nearly 6 years of residence in Denmark, so both the children and Ali and Ed themselves say they need to build a new circle of friends, and this Saturday night invitation is a good opportunity to do so, so Lois and I are glad to help out.

I am fortunate in that I have never felt the urge to build up a large circle of friends. I can settle for 2-3 friends / acquaintances, and that's more than enough in my opinion !!! But each to their own taste.

I've read that a good circle of people can help postpone dementia, but I'm not so sure about that. I read an article recently on Onion News that suggests the opposite. A conversation between people much younger than Lois and me, which hit the local headlines last year, seems to sound uncomfortably similar to the kind of vague, meandering conversations that Lois and I often immerse ourselves in, to put it mildly!

A local circle of young friends suddenly discovered the other day that none of them knew where their current conversation topic had arisen from, so they began to speculate about how their discourse had arrived at the subject.

"I remember talking about Ed Harris and how he is in the Truman Show, but where did the discussions about Connecticut come from?", 39-year-old Taylor Clark asked a group of focused local friends; his intensive review of their joint exchanges revealed that they had each named their favourite sci-fi movies, which led to a discussion of the space program, and from there on to dream jobs, NASCAR, and which members of the group enjoyed driving.

"Johnny mentioned lunch with his parents, which reminded us of the deli scene in When Harry Met Sally, but I'm uncertain how we got talking about our families in the first place ... Gracie came up with holidays and Zach mentioned that he is travelling back to his home town to celebrate his birthday, which inspired my story about clowns, but didn't we start talking about cooking at some point?”

At press time the almost forensic examination had been derailed by a discussion of favourite childhood meals.

Good golly, the journalists could have been listening to one of mine and Lois's conversations! It certainly included some of our most frequent conversation topics, including stories about clowns: and "I'll have what she's having" is one of our ongoing jokes, I have to say! But I have the feeling that we usually only remember a maximum of 1 previous conversation topics before drawing a blank, which is a little worrying to put it mildly. So back to the drawing board!

"I'll have what she's having"

Two cannibals were eating a clown – one said to the other: “Does he taste funny to you?"

our favourite clown story - copyright Tommy Cooper

11:00 I pop outside the front of the house and check the tire pressures on the car in preparation for tomorrow's journey. Busy, busy, busy!

11:30 The Hotpoint engineer rings at the door and she starts replacing our freezer’s compressor and instrument panel. She says that if everything goes well over the weekend we should be able to start using the freezer again next week, which will be nice to put it mildly. Then we can start stocking up for Brexit ha ha ha!

12:15 We have lunch and afterwards I go to bed and take a short afternoon nap. I get up at 1:30 pm and prepare for our Danish group's regular meeting.

14:30 Our Danish group members come and we start the meeting. Patti, our new member, is very aware that she does not understand as much Danish as we others do. She says she will explore opportunities to take a one-to-one Danish course at a language school. My goodness, she can’t be short of cash, no doubt about that !!!! But we'll see.

16:00 The meeting ends, but the members stay in the living room and chat about grandchildren and planned holidays, etc. - in other words, typical grandparents-talk and that kind of thing. My goodness, we are all growing old, no doubt about that !!!

16:30 I look a little online, and I get a bit of a shock, to say the least, when I see Morten Ingemann's latest cartoon strip.

The Dane, Morten Ingemann, my favourite cartoonist

The Dane, Ingemann, is my favourite cartoonist - no doubt about that! He is particularly interested in ugly, overweight, middle-aged or elderly people, the kind of people that most cartoonists rarely pay attention to.

In this morning's comic strip, we see a middle-aged man sitting in the dentist’s chair.

Lois and I have recently noticed that dentists sometimes offer to work on our teeth without giving us anesthetic in advance, which is a bit of a refreshing change. Is it because we are old and many of our teeth are not very sensitive anymore? We are not sure about that - the jury is still out on that one.

Ingemann's middle-aged dentist offers his middle-aged patient various options, including shots and nitrous oxide, but the patient is not very enthusiastic about the choice. So as a last resort the dentist offers him a viagra, so the patient "has something to hold on to while the tooth’s being yanked out." And I suspect that the offer is completely genuine - the dentist has a blue pill in his hand, so he is not joking, it seems. I think the Danish health system has much more money than the NHS.

Ingemann at his best - he has his finger on the pulse as always. Very funny, but I wouldn't expect to see such an "adults-only" comic strip in a British newspaper. What's wrong with us? They will all be very happy to say goodbye to us when Brexit finally happens, that’s for sure!

My god, what madness !!!

18:00 We have dinner and spend the rest of the evening watching some television. We are exhausted, as always after a "Danish" day - after having cleaned up the house in the morning, and led our group meeting in the afternoon. Tired, tired, tired.

An interesting documentary is on, all about online dating sites and apps. The hosts of the program are the charming TV doctor Xand Van Tulleken (crazy name, crazy guy) and the gorgeous red-haired TV mathematician, Hannah Fry.

The programme's charming hosts: TV doctor Xand Van Tulleken and

TV mathematician Hannah Fry

An interesting documentary, but for me, I find it hard to believe in the programme's central premise, i.e. that the famous TV doctor Xand Van Tulleken, a man who is handsome, super-articulate and thrustingly dynamic, really needs to try online dating apps: he must surely be meeting hundreds of beautiful, charming women during his working week, no doubt about that.

Lois thinks the premise is genuine, but I have serious doubts to say the least. Call me a cynic if you want!

[You’re a cynic - Ed.]

After many failed attempts, the programme ends up finding Xand's "perfect partner" (username "Little Burp") and they go on a first date in front of television cameras, where the woman, another gorgeous red-haired woman who resembles presenter Hannah Fry to a T, gets charmed by Xand's dynamic and fun conversational style (supposedly).

Fake! Fake! Fake! In my opinion, it's all a big set-up.

The programmers even flash up a "what happened next" message immediately before the programme's final credits, just like you get on the genuine dating tv-shows. Fake! Fake! Fake !!!!

Fake !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz !!!!!

Danish translation

08:00 Jeg hopper tilbage op i sengen til Lois og vi drikker vore morgenté. Vi udveksler valentinsdags-kort og -gaver, men vi har desværre ikke tid til at blive liggende i sengen, fordi vi må tage et brusebad og spise morgenmad. Vores Hotpoint ingeniør kommer i formiddag på ét eller andet tidspunkt mellem 09:00 og 13:00.

10:00 Efter morgenmad går jeg i gang med at rydde op og støvsuge i stuen, fordi vores U3A danske gruppe samles hos os i eftermiddag kl. 14:30 . Derefter giver jeg mig til at pakke mine ting i en af vores 2 små kufferter, fordi vi i morgen rejser til Haslemere for at tilbringe weekenden med Alison, vores ældste datter, Ed, hendes mand, og deres 3 børn – Josie (12), Rosalind (10) og Isaac (8). Alison har bedt os om at babysitte børnene lørdag aften, fordi hun og Ed er blevet inviteret til middag hos forældrene af en af Rosalinds nye skolevenner.

Familien flyttede tilbage til England sidste år efter næsten 6 års ophold i Danmark, så både børnene og selve Ali og Ed siger, de behøver at bygge en ny omgangskreds op, og denne invitation til lørdag aften er en god lejlighed til at gøre det.

Jeg er heldig i, at jeg aldrig har følt trangen til at bygge en stor omgangskreds op. Jeg kan nøjes med 2-3 venner / bedkendte, og det er mere, end nok efter min mening!!! Men alle har deres smag.

Jeg har læst, at en god omgangskreds kan hjælpe med at udskyde demens, men det er jeg ikke helt sikker på. Jeg læste en artikel for nylig i Onion News, der antyder det modsatte. En samtale mellem mennesker meget yngre, end Lois og mig, der sidste år ramte de lokale overskrifter, virker at lyde betydeligt lignende til de slags vage, vandrende samtaler, som Lois og jeg ofte fordybe os i , for at sige mildt!

En bestemt vennekreds opdagede pludselig forleden, at ingen af dem kendte oprindelsen af det aktuelle konversationsemne, så derfor begyndte de at spekulere spændt på, hvordan deres diskurs ankom til emnet.

"Jeg husker, at vi talte om Ed Harris og hvordan han er i Truman Show, men hvordan opstod diskussion om Connecticut?" spurgte 39-årige Taylor Clark en gruppe fokuserede venner; hans intensive gennemgang af udvekslingen viste, at de havde noteret deres foretrukne sci-fi-film, hvilket førte til en diskussion af rumprogrammet og derfra drømmejobs, NASCAR, og hvilke medlemmer af gruppen nød at køre bil.

"Johnny bragte på bane frokost sammen med sine forældre, der mindede os om deli-scenen i When Harry Met Sally, men jeg er usikker på hvordan vi begyndte at tale om vores familier i første omgang. ... Gracie kom med en sidespring om ferier og Zach nævnte at han rejser tilbage til sin hjemmeby for at fejre sin fødselsdag, hvilket inspirerede min historie om klovner, men talte vi ikke om madlavning på et eller andet tidspunkt? "

På pressetiden var den næsten retsmedicinske undersøgelse blevet afsporet af en diskussion af yndlings barndomsmåltider.

Du godeste, journalisterne kunne have været i gang med at lytte til en af min og Lois’ samtaler! Det inkluderede helt bestemt nogle af vores hyppigste samtaleemner, herunder historier om klovner: og ”I’ll have what she’s having” er en af vores løbende jokes, det må jeg nok sige! Men jeg har på fornemmelse, at vi normalt bare kan huske max 1 foregående samtaleemne, hvillket er lidt bekymrende for at sige mildt. Tilbage til tegnebrættet!

”I’ll have what she’s having”

Two cannibals were eating a clown – one said to the other: “Does he taste funny to you?"

our favourite clown story - copyright Tommy Cooper

11:00 Jeg går et smut ud af huset og tjekke dæktrykkene på bilen i forberedelse på morgendagens rejse. Travlt, travlt, travlt!

11:30 Hotpoint-ingeniøren ringer på døren, og hun går i gang med at udskifte fryserens kompressor og instrumentpanel. Hun siger, at hvis alt går godt gennem weekenden vil vi kunne begynde at bruger fryseren igen næste uge, hvilket vil være rart, for at sige mildt.

12:15 Vi spiser frokost og bagefter går jeg i seng for at tage en kort eftermiddagslur. Jeg står op kl 13:30 og forbereder mig på vores danske gruppes regelmæssige møde.

14:30 Vores danske gruppes medlemmer kommer og vi starter mødet. Patti, vores nye medlem, er meget klar over, at hun ikke forstå så godt dansk, som vi andre. Hun siger, hun vil undersøge muligheder for at tage et en-til-en danskforløb på en sprogskole. Du godeste, hun må ikke være i bekneb for skillinger, ingen tvivl om det!!!! Men vi får se.

16:00 Mødet slutter, men medlemmerne bliver siddende i stuen og snakker om børnebørn og planlagte ferier osv – med andre ord, typisk bedsteforældresnak og den slags. Du godeste, vi bliver alle gamle, ingen tvivl om det!!!

16:30 Jeg kigger lidt på nettet, og jeg får lidt af et chok, for at sige mildt, da jeg ser Morten Ingemanns seneste tegnestribe.

Danske Morten Ingemann, min yndlingstegner

Danske Ingemann er min yndlingstegner – ingen tvivl om det! Han interesserer sig især for grimme, overvægtige, midaldrende eller ældre folk, de slags mennesker, som de fleste tegnere sjældent giver opmærksomhed til.

I formiddagens tegnestribe, ser vi en gammel midaldrende mand, der sidder i tandlægestolen.

Lois og jeg har for nylig bemærket, at tandlæger nogle gange tilbyder at arbejde på vores tænder uden at give os bedøvelsesmidler i forvejen, hvilket er lidt af en forfriskende forandring. Er det fordi vi er gamle, og mange af vores tænder ikke er følsomme mere? Det er vi ikke helt sikre på – juryen er stadig ude om det.

Ingemanns midaldrende tandlæge tilbyder sin midaldrende patient forskellige optioner, inklusive sprøjter og lattergas, men patienten er ikke sælig entusiastisk over valget. Tandlægen tilbyder ham derfor en viagra, så patienten "har noget at holde fast i, når han hiver tanden ud”. Og jeg mistænker, at tilbuddet er helt ægte – tandlæge har en blå pille i hånden, så spøger han ikke, lader det til – ingen tvivl om det!!

Ingemann på sit bedste – han har fingeren på pulsen som altid! Meget morsomt, men jeg ville ikke forvente at se sådan en ”bare for voksne” tegnestribeserie i en britisk avis. Hvad er der galt med os? De vil være glade for at kunne sige os farvel, når Brexit endelig foregår, det ved jeg med sikkerhed!

Du godeste, sikke et vanvid!!!

18:00 Vi spiser aftensmad og bruger resten af aftenen på at se lidt fjernsyn. Vi er udmattede, som altid efter en ”dansk” dag – efter have ryddet op i huset om formiddagen, og styret vores gruppemøde om eftermiddagen. Trætte, trætte, trætte.

De viser en interessant dokumentarfilm, der handler om online dating websteder og apper. Programmets vært er den charmerende tv-læge Xand Van Tulleken (skørt navn, skør fyr) og den pragtfulde rødhårede tv-matemiker, Hannah Fry.

Programmets charmerende værter: tv-lægen Xand Van Tulleken og

tv-matematikeren Hannah Fry

En interessant program, men for mit vedkommende har jeg svært ved at tro på programmets centrale præmis, at den berømte tv-læge Xand Van Tulleken, en mand, der er smuk, velformuleret og dynamisk, virkelig har brug for online datting apper: han må mødes med hundredvis af smukke, charmerende kvinder i løbet af sin arbejdsuge, ingen tvivl om det.

Lois synes, præmissen er ægte, men det har jeg har alvorlig tvivl om for at sige mildt. Kald mig kynisk, hvis du har lyst til det!

[Du er kynisk – red.]

Efter mange forsøg, som mislykkes, ender programmet med at finde Xands "perfekte partner", og de går på en først date foran tv-kameraer, hvor kvinden, en anden pragtfuld rødhåret kvinde, der ligner værten Hannah Fry på en prik, bliver charmeret af Xands dynamik og morsom samtalestil (angiveligt).