Saturday December 30th 2023

13:00 Have I ever told you that Lois worked in a retirement home for Church of England vicars before she finally retired herself in 2006? 

[Yes you have told us, but only - like - a billion times - Ed]

And do you remember how every year Lois used to put her all into participating in charity events at the home, like Red Nose Day, dressing up for the old vicars and their wives, for all the retired deaconesses and church workers etc?

flashback to circa 1995: the local retirement home for Anglican vicars,

seen here in happier times. Female staffers have dressed up as schoolgirls 

for the charity "Red Nose Day": Lois is on the far right, 

wearing one of my old Bristol Grammar School ties round her neck

Lois preparing to go to work on another Red Nose Day from the 1990's,

you know - the one where the female staff all dressed 

up as sportswomen - tremendous fun !!!!

those reassuring messages we used to get from

the County Air Ambulance Service - remember those?

Well that retirement home is still in business, believe it or not, and today Lois and I are wondering if tongues will be wagging over the lunch tables today.

a typical lunchtime scene at the Church of England

retirement home where Lois used to work

"And why would tongues be wagging there at lunchtime today?", I hear you ask.

Well, the reason is that the shiny-new Radio Times magazine for January 6th to 12th has just "thudded" down onto our doormat, and, as always, Lois and I turn first to the "readers' letters page" near the back. 

And we quickly see that there's a bit of a bombshell of a letter this week from a resident of one of the Church of England retirement homes, of which Lois's is the largest.

Might this sexy "late-octogenarian" couple be residents at the Church of England retirement home that was Lois's old workplace? I ask Lois whether her co-workers at the home ever speculated about which of the residents were sexually active, but she says not to her recollection. 

On the hand Lois was very much aware of the activities of some of the single or widowed former priests: she herself found that she was sometimes "chased round the ironing-board" when she was servicing one of the flats, and on one occasion she found herself pinned up against a Welsh dresser. My goodness, yes!

She never really felt herself in danger from these old clerics, however. As she used to say, "You could knock most of them down with a feather". And she always reported incidents, so it was all done by the book, which is nice to know. 

What a woman I married !!!!

13:30 We've been keeping an eye on the weather this morning and all the flood warnings - it's been bucketing down with rain this afternoon, as we take our shower and post-shower nap.

Tomorrow we'll have somehow to cross the mighty River Severn, because I'm driving Lois to her church's Sunday Morning Meeting at Tewkesbury. And we'll have a passenger. In a typical act of generosity, Lois has offered fellow church-member David a lift. David lives at nearby Ryall, and he can't drive at the moment due to a recent shoulder replacement operation.

After Lois and I stumble out of bed, we decide to do a recce of the possible routes across the river. And finally we work out that the mysterious yellow road sections on Google Maps only mean "take care here" or "traffic moving slowly here" or something like that, and it's only the red roads or "no entry" signs which mean an actual road closure, which is useful to know. It's always puzzled us. 

[Everybody knows that, except for you two "noggins" !!!! - Ed]

However, unfortunately, there's more rain due tonight - yikes!

So we'll have to see what things are like tomorrow.

16:00 It's an unusual weekend when Lois and I are on our own, as we are today. Most weekends our daughter Sarah and her 10-year-old twins Lily and Jessica are staying with us, newly returned from 7 years in Australia. 

This weekend, however, Sarah and her husband Francis have been planning some family outings. And today they've all been to the Roller Ski at Gloucester.

our twin granddaughters Lily and Jessica (centre in white t-shirts)

in action today on their roller skates at the Roller Ski, Gloucester

Nevertheless the twins usually spend a lot of time at our house, and they store  a lot of their "arts and crafts" materials on the trolley in our living room. 

Today we find a cute "letter" on the trolley, written by Lily after some argument or other, and tacked onto the end of a Christmas present wish-list. The twins get on well 90% of the time, but they have their bust-ups of course, like all siblings. We think that this letter of Lily's was probably aimed at her twin sister, but it could alternatively have been aimed at her mum or dad, admittedly.

Awwww!!!! Lily's "hurt" letter, tacked onto the end of a 

Christmas present wish-list. How cute !!!!!

20:00 Lois and I wind down with a documentary about Noel Coward (1899-1973), the witty and incredibly prolific writer of books, plays and songs. The documentary is followed by one of Coward's late plays, "A Song at Twilight".

A fascinating couple of programmes. Coward was gay at a time when that could get you a prison sentence, but he never "outed" himself, even after homosexual relations were legalised in the 1960's. His sexuality was widely known about in private circles, however, and it's said to be the reason why Churchill wouldn't support the award of a knighthood to him.

And it's interesting that in his late play "A Song at Twilight" (1965), the subject is - guess what - an ageing, and secretly gay Sir Hugo Latymer, who has been married a couple of times, just as "camouflage", but whose real love was for a young man, Perry, whom Latymer eventually discarded. 

the ageing, secretly-gay Sir Hugo Latymer,

played by Paul Schofield

In the play, Latymer's first wife Carlotta visits Latymer, apparently threatening to expose him - she's got hold of some of Latymer's old love-letters to Perry, and she's proposing to hand these over to Latymer's biographer. The play has all the witty dialogue you'd expect from a Coward play, and there are lots of twists and turns to the plot, and a surprise ending, which is nice.

Sir Hugo Latymer (Paul Schofield) having dinner with his ex-wife 

Carlotta (Deborah Kerr), who's threatening to expose him

Latymer: You have not yet told me what you propose to do with [the love-letters to Perry].

Carlotta: Because I have not yet decided.

Latymer: This is intolerable. Come to the point! The veiled threat is perfectly clear. 

Carlotta: What 'veiled threat'?

Latymer: The threat to expose to the world that I have had in the past homosexual tendencies.

Carlotta: 'Tendencies' in the 'past'? What nonsense! You've been a homosexual all your life, and you know it!

quote from the review of "A Song at Twilight" by

the Daily Mail's theatre critic

After opening night, Coward wrote: "Well, the most incredible thing has happened. Not only has "A Song at Twilight" opened triumphantly, but the press notices have been extremely good." 

A year or two later, homosexuality was legalised in England. Coward comments, however, that nothing will convince the bigots...

Coward himself, however, still refuses to "come out" publicly.

Fascinating stuff !!!!!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzzz!!!!!

Friday December 29th 2023

Since we retired from work back in March 2006, Lois and I have been looking for a new sport to take up, and I think we may have found it at last. 

We're neither of us natural sportspersons, especially me. Lois still cuts a fine figure on the football field, but I fell down on my skiing the very first time (and last time) that I tried it, in Japan in 1971. 

flashback to the 1990's: charity Red Nose Day, and Lois dresses up,

 in company with the rest of the local Church of England  care home staff,

as a sportswoman and footballer for the old vicars in the home: 

just a rumour, but the County Air Ambulance was reportedly 

put on standby every year in the event of coronary failures 

among the vicars - but what crazy days those were!!!

flashback to 1971: me (right) with my Japanese pal Hiro 

on the slopes at Ishiuchi Maruyama Ski Resort in Japan,

one of the few world ski resorts that gets snow all year round

Apart from the dressing-up side, obviously, neither Lois nor I indulge much in sports these days. Well, we are 77 !    [You don't say! - Ed]

But maybe it's not too late! And it's all thanks to an email today from Steve, our American brother-in-law, all about Graham Butterworth (41), Britain's champion pea-thrower.

Graham can throw a pea 44 metres (48 yds), and he tells his story to the Guardian Newspaper today.

Graham, here demonstrating his pea-throwing stance

A competitive guy by nature, Graham co-founded the Edgar Evans Club in 2015 for ex-service personnel to take part in eccentric events in sleepy towns across the UK and raise money for local charities. "Perhaps the weirdest was the Elver Eating World Championships in Gloucestershire –  I came second, but I wanted to win, so I told [my old Royal Navy pal] Ginge I should compete in something more suited to my skills."

"He suggested the World Pea Throwing Championships, which are held in a pub in Lewes, East Sussex – no one knows exactly when they began, but some say about 40 years ago. So in 2015, when I was 33, I began researching how to get small objects to travel a long way, and how much velocity you can generate if you throw them. 

flashback to 2022: the World Pea Throwing Championships, 

being staged outside the Lewes Arms, Lewes, Sussex

"The competition takes place in a narrow cobbled street outside the pub, lined with pea spotters stood side by side for about 40 metres holding tape measures. There were around 30 to 40 competitors from all over the world: Welsh, Scottish, Irish, South African, German and Dutch. 

And the key takeaway from all this? Graham says, "It’s about velocity and generating power quickly. I’m 6ft 3in with bloody long arms, so I’ve got an unfair advantage".

10:00 And Lois and I are impressed this morning, reading about Graham's achievements. It sounds like not only "peas is good food", as the man said, but it's good sport too. Quite a boast for this often overlooked humble vegetable, isn't it!

And please note, also: contrary to much of the storm of criticism that greeted that now-famous remark, "peas is good food",  the man who coined this particular "bon mot" was actually using the correct singular verb-form here, "is". 

The reason is that "pease" was originally a singular noun, from the Greek, "pison". It was later assumed by the English to be a plural form just because it ended in an "s-sound", just like the word cherries, which came originally from the French "cerise". So if we were true to the origin of these words, we'd be counting them as "one pease, two pease, three pease...." and "one cherries, two cherries" etc.

See? It's all starting to make a crazy lot of sense now, isn't it!!!

[That's enough about peas! - Ed]

11:00 So it's very much all good news about the humble pea this morning - "Give peas a chance" is what Lois and I always say - we're such a laugh, honestly, we're great fun, you would not BELIEVE! [I'd like some evidence before I accept that! - Ed] 

And it lightens our mood as the storm clouds gather outside and the rain starts again, which is bad news, given this morning's flood warnings for the River Severn in these parts. Oh dear!

Worcester News ace reporter Sam Greenway has broken the news earlier today. And it says something about the depth of the crisis, and the depths of the flooding, that the paper has put their senior reporter Sam "Scoop" Greenway on the case, doesn't it.

Lois and I are SO glad this morning that we weren't the couple in that car last night (see picture above!). And there's always some idiot behind you when you get in that sort of situation, isn't there - have you noticed?

It also speaks volumes about the crisis that the local Warner's supermarket where Lois and I shop is again selling off its fresh food cheap today in anticipation of having to close this weekend.

There's always a tendency for the road outside Warner's to close, because it's right next to the mighty River Severn and occasionally it's actually "in the middle of" the River Severn, as in the picture above. 

There was a close shave earlier this year, when the flood waters were threatening - do you remember the pictures Lois and I took outside Warner's in the supermarket's car-park? Thankfully the danger was averted on that occasion.

flashback to earlier this year, when a full-scale flood

was averted, thankfully: in this last picture you see the River Severn

on the other side of the road from the store, which is where it belongs

in my humble opinion  - call me a "roadist" if you like haha!!!!

Flooding is always a big talking point around here - something that Lois and I have had to get used to, in short order. We downsized to a new-build home here in Malvern just over a year ago, moving the 25 mile distance from our previous house in Cheltenham, a town which isn't normally at risk from floods.

It's taken us a while to really discuss flooding confidently with the locals round here, who are all "veterans" of constant flood crises from the past, and they all know the kinds of things to say.

We would stand no chance going up against local man Daniel Cooper, for example. Did you see the story on Onion News, the one that later "went viral" ?

Poor Colin !!!!!!!

For now, Lois and I are avoiding conversations with the locals here till we've mastered our book on the local Worcestershire dialect. Here are some of the "doozies" we've already got to grips with in Lesson 1 of our textbook, but there are hundreds more to come. Yikes !!!!

Fascinating stuff, isn't it! [If you say so! - Ed]

21:00 Lois and I settle down on the couch with the last two pieces of our Christmas mincemeat-and-apple tart, and a gin and tonic. And we decide to wind down for bed with the special Christmas-New Year edition of "Gone Fishing" from Scotland, starring ageing comedians and keen amateur anglers, Paul Whitehouse and Bob Mortimer.

At their first-night accommodation, Paul and Bob meet up with Paul's former "Fast Show / Brilliant Show" colleague, Arabella Weir.

flashback to the 1990's: Paul Whitehouse and Arabella Weir

on the Fast Show / Brilliant Shoe

Tonight we hear Arabella tells "the boys" about what her old friend from Northern Ireland says about the risks as you get older.

That's a nice conclusion to the discussion, given that Lois and I have already "got the tart out" here on the couch, which is nice!

Later, when fishing in the River Tay, the guys start to muse on New Year's Eve. Bob says, "I just get the feeling that it's a lot of people's least favourite evening." 

And Paul agrees. He says, "Some people really go for it gung-ho - they say let's go and watch the fireworks, let's go to Trafalgar Square. But most people I know don't actually like New Year's Eve. The forced jollity, you know.  I'm usually aching for it to be all over by then, Bob. 

"I'm not grumpy, Bob, I just like normal life. And it's good that I do like it."

And there's food for thought there for all of us, isn't there, no doubt about that!

So, all in all, there's lots of simple homespun wisdom to be picked up from tonight's show, as always, may I say.

I have to admit, though, that Lois and I were a bit taken aback by some of the awards Bob presents Paul with at the show's annual Gone Fishing Awards for 2023. Was it really necessary to Bob to give out an award to Paul for "Outstanding Contribution to Hypochondria", for example, with its rather insensitively designed trophy - a model of Paul in his hospital bed, ringing the bell for the nurse.

What madness !!!!

Also are Lois and I alone in thinking that Bob's Christmas gift to Paul, a calendar illustrated with photos from Bob's 2023 Gone Fishing Scrapbook, looks unnecessarily "Bob-centric"? 

But drop me a postcard - I'd like to know YOUR take on all this. Go on !

Nice calendar, maybe, beautifully produced - but a bit one-sided as a record of the two friends' fishing expeditions, maybe? 

What a crazy world we live in !!!!!!

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!