Danskcolin: Tuesday February 20th 2024

Eating at a restaurant "as a pleasant change" from eating at home - it sounds nice when you're planning it, but the reality doesn't always live up to the dream, does it. Have you noticed?

Some of the risks we run when we "eat out" are specific to restaurants overseas, I'll grant you that.

In Hungary, the big fear is that a gypsy violinist will appear out of nowhere, and start serenading the woman, or women, of the party. This happened to Lois and me in 2006, when we visited Hungary immediately after we retired. Remember?

flashback to 2006: newly-retired Lois and I are dining at a restaurant

in Szeged, Hungary, when the nightmare scenario develops:

a gypsy violinist appears out of nowhere

and starts playing over Lois's shoulder

Lois is smiling here, it's true, but you can't see me, wondering maniacally what the etiquette is in tipping these guys - and how much you're supposed to tip them: and whether, if you tip too generously, the guy will secretly call all his fiddle-playing mates, who will then arrive at the table one by one, perhaps one every 2 minutes, like the famous "No.11 bus".

[You miserable tight-fisted old skinflint, Colin! - Ed]

In Denmark of course the big fear is that, when you're eating lunch, the country's next Prime Minister might appear with a crowd of supporters, demonstrators and TV crews and walk over to your table, shake your hand and tell you in Danish how he's going to change the country if elected. And the worst thing is that you find yourself on TV screens in homes all over Denmark, as you try to tell the guy that sorry you're just a tourist and you don't have a vote.

Is that embarrassing, or is that embarrassing haha !!!!

Flashback to 2015: Lois and I siting in a square in the middle of

Copenhagen, having lunch with our daughter Alison, when.....

..suddenly we hear a commotion behind us:

we turn our heads to try and see what's going on.....

from round the corner Lars Løkke Rasmussen (right) appears with his

Liberal Party entourage, plus security men, pressmen and demonstrators:

"Løkke" shook our hands right there, in the middle of Copenhagen,

as part of the election campaign which later swept him to power...

... and just a few months later, "Løkke" was talking, Prime Minister
to Prime Minister, with Theresa May of the UK

These are very much the "nightmare scenarios" when you're eating out abroad, aren't they.

Was there a causal connection between Løkke shaking our hands and his becoming Prime Minister of Denmark? Well, maybe, maybe not. But a conversation with a candidate for a foreign PM-ship under the glare of a TV camera is not something you want when you're trying to eat your lunch, is it.

Be fair!!!!

Another fear is specific to "ethnic" restaurants, whether here or abroad, particularly if you're on a date, and anxious to pretend to your date that you're familiar with the dishes on the menu and are recommending suitable options.

An ugly incident of this sort happened recently at a Chinese restaurant in the lovely Worcestershire village of Upper Wick.

Yes, it's no good trying to point at items in the menu if you've got fat fingers, is it, and the risks of potential misunderstandings is legion, that's for sure. And speaking honestly how likely are you to "get lucky", coming home after disasters like Frayne's much-hyped "dream evening" with his date - let's face facts, shall we haha!

And here's a super-hint or super-tip from me if you ever find yourself in that situation, and aren't sure how to say your numbers. Simply buy a set of Arabic numerals on cards, and hold them up, just like the judges do at ice-skating events at the Winter Olympics.

Dining alone? Here's the simple way to order

the Peking Duck (menu item 10)

Are you dining "á deux" with your "date" and you both want

Item 26 the kung pao chicken? Then it's even more fun

if you involve your date in the ordering process!

See? Simples really isn't it - and the most tremendous fun into the bargain!

Don't spread this around, because I don't want all these to be snapped up by Amazon customers, but they're advertising a reasonably priced set of "zero through 100 number-flashcards" just at the moment, at a little under £20, cards which Lois and I think will "do the business".

Let me know what you think. Lois and I have been thinking about trying out that Chinese restaurant in Upper Wick, the one with the complicated menus, and these flashcards could be "just the ticket", we feel.

Upper Wick's critically-acclaimed Chinese Restaurant,

"The Golden Wick"

I wonder..... !

21:00 After a relaxing shower and afternoon nap, followed by kedgeree, spinach and mash for tea, followed by Lois's apple-and-plum jelly and yoghurt for dessert - yum yum! - Lois and I feel sleepily content as we settle down on the couch to watch the latest programme in UK-based Canadian comedienne Katherine Ryan's amusing series on parental guidance.

Katherine has a 14-year-old daughter Violet (see picture above in the Radio Times listings) by a previous partner, plus a young toddler Freddie and baby Fenna, both by her current husband, semi-professional golfer Bobby.

In this series, Katherine is again experiencing lots of "mum guilt" as she tries to balance her role as a mother-of-three with her career as one of the UK's top stand-up comediennes.

And in each programme Katherine talks to various childcare experts, and to families with various parenting policies, to see what they recommend. And lots of issues familiar, I'm sure, to parents the world over, come to light, which is nice!

"On the table" this week is Katherine's desire to have another baby, and Bobby's reluctance to cooperate with that plan - oh dear!

But you've got to hand it to Katherine. She keeps the pressure up on Bobby, even when he's driving them to a local toy-shop to get some more "toxic male" boy-toys for little Freddie.

Atta girl, Katherine !!!!

Later, Katherine goes to see "mumologist" Dr Emma Svanberg, to ask if men have different brains from women. Lois and I thought we'd read that this was indeed the case, but Dr Svanberg seems to go against that view.

Katherine then tells Dr Swanberg from her experience as a mother of two girls and a boy, that the boy has "way more tantrums" than the two girls, but Swanberg sticks to her view, although she says there's mixed evidence.

Next Katherine talks online to the couple's friend Paul C Brunson, relationship expert and father of two boys, plus counselling expert on the Channel 4 series "Married At First Sight".

And when Katherine talks to Paul about what's the best way to parent a boy into a 'non-toxic male' man, this is what he says:

"It's about who spends the most time with the boy. Sometimes we say it's a parent, but other times it could be, unfortunately, the videos they're watching, it could be friends, or the parents of friends. You really need to figure out how you can create a "village" that represents the characteristics you want your child to embody - because that's where your son is going to learn, especially at little Freddie's age - 2 years old is a incredible time."

Katherine replies that she herself also needs to find patience when little Freddie's milestones be may different to her two daughters' milestones, because "I see Freddie when he doesn't have the words to say what's on his mind, getting really angry".

Paul replies, "All science tells us that the brains of little girls, all the way through to adulthood, develop much faster than the brains of boys." And he adds that there's a big movement in the US saying that boys should be held back almost 2 grade levels, because the girls are just far more advanced at the same age."

Later in the show Katherine visits a naturist community and in particular a family of naturists - software developer Simon and his wife Helen, married for 8 years, to check out whether they have a more fully-developed and better body-image than do average families.

It was Simon who first got into naturism first, after going on an all-nude bike ride about 10 years ago. And Katherine is curious to know whether Helen was converted instantly by Simon's enthusiasm.