Saturday June 29th 2024 - "Can you do this week's "Name That Pope" competition? It's a real doozy haha!"

Have you noticed how some people seem to need medication before they can fully relax themselves? There was a story from Nob End in the local section of Onion News this week, wasn't there.

So once more it's "Kudos!" to "Our Reggie", the so-called "Demon Barber of Nob End". These genuinely "feel-good" stories are something that my long-suffering wife Lois and I love to read about. And this morning we're elated to read that this local guy was able to get his hair sorted without serious injury to himself or others of the barber's customers, even if his luck ran out later. 

It's comforting to know, though, isn't it, that when we need it, science is there to fill the gap.

Sedatives are something that I, for one, certainly don't need today, however - I feel extraordinarily relaxed, and I can afford to just 'potter about' today. 

I feel extraordinarily relaxed today

"Why do you feel so relaxed, Colin?", I hear you cry. [Not me! - Ed] 

Well, all my U3A activities are all "sorted" for the moment. For the "History of English" group that I lead, I've managed to persuade our oldest member, Peter, to give next month's talk, an overview of Mandarin Chinese, in our new series on "Languages That Have Had Zero Impact on English", and then we'll be having our summer break, so no more talks to arrange till the autumn.

In the "Intermediate Danish" group that I also lead, we've just had our fortnightly meeting 2 days ago, so there won't be another now till July 12th - so plenty of time for me to organise the vocab lists for our little group - no need to start on that today.

What a wonderful feeling haha!

I've got the house to myself this morning. Lois and I have got our daughter Sarah and her 10-year-old twin daughters staying with us, but Sarah takes the girls plus Lois into town this morning to scour the charity shops for bits of material with which to make the girls their pirate-costumes for their upcoming appearance in their school's summer play, due to be performed in front of parents soon.

The girls' teacher, Mr Palmer, is a bit of a "wag" to put it mildly, and last month he put out a short video clip in which he claims to be teaching the class how to "speak like a pirate", a clip that we've all been watching several times. 

the girl's teacher, Mr Palmer, showcasing his 

"how to talk like a pirate" instructional video clip

As a locally-acknowledged "accent buff", I've taken the liberty of commenting on Palmer's so-called "pirate accent", pointing out to the girls the moments where Palmer strayed  from "pirate" into Irish, which he did from time to time during the clip. And I think, now, we're just about "getting there" with the girls' intonation, vowels etc - it's pretty near perfect now, so that's all good!

The twins are keen to start work on assembling their pirate costumes, but they're both pretty tired after yesterday, which was their school's sports day.

the twins at their school's Sports Day yesterday, queueing up

and waiting for "Coach" to give the go-ahead to compete in the 

Long Jump Final, where they gave those 2 boys something 

to think about, to put it mildly!

Sarah shared some photos with Lois and me this morning, and we're still mystified. How can our own flesh and blood, our own grandchildren possibly have turned out to be so good at sports? Does the whole DNA theory need to be rethought at this point by experts in the relevant field? 

I think we should be told, don't you? 

Something weird was going on, because, in virtually every event, the twins won through to the finals, in this annual competition between the school's four "houses", and then proceeded to come 1st and 2nd in those finals, as the icing on the cake. It was total madness !!!!

....coming 1st and 2nd fastest times in dribbling 

the soccer ball round the rocks....

...winning their hurdles semi-finals, before

going on to come 1 and 2 in the final...

...coming round the final bend to finish

1st and 2nd in the 400 metres

Awwwww bless their little cotton socks!!!! My goodness !!!!!

14:00 All in all it's turning into a pretty relaxed day for Lois and me. 

We even get a couple of hours in bed this afternoon, while Sarah does some measuring of the girls and alteration-and-fitting work on their pirate costumes. It's a bit of a quick-fix job because Sarah's husband Francis blundered this week by going shopping out of town and getting the girls' some so-called "pirate" sweaters in the wrong size, and there was no time to take them back.

our son-in-law Francis, seen here relaxing at home in Alcester 

- Francis blundered this week by getting the twins some 

"pirate sweaters" in the wrong size. Naughty Francis haha !!!!!

I set up the tables on the patio, with cutlery, glasses and sauces etc

 under our shiny new motorised awning, for our first ever meal under it

- sausages, chips and broccoli, followed by strawberries and cream 

- yum yum !!!!

20:00 Sarah and the twins depart for their homes in Alcester, and Lois and I collapse on the couch with our copy of next week's Radio Times, and have a go at the puzzles at the back.

The cover has a useful reminder that it's not just Wimbledon next week but also the General Election. No prizes for guessing which of these 2 events the Radio Times gives priority to. 

What a madness it all is, isn't it !!!!!!

Lois and I do "okay" on Popmaster this week with a 6 out of 10, but not as good as usual on the intellectually more prestigious "Eggheads" questions - also 6 out of 10. Still we are quite tired, as well as being 78. 

Poor us haha !!!!

At least we get full marks on this week's "Name That Pope" competition, which is some comfort.

See how many of these "doozies" YOU know haha !!!!

this week's "Name That Pope" competition

[That's enough quizzes! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - quizzzzzzzzz!!!!!

Friday June 28th 2024 "B&Q's game-changing 2-way ladder - have you got YOURS yet?!"

There's always a bit of excitement in the air, isn't there, whenever DIY-chain B&Q's flagship "think tanks" come up with a new innovation [What's an old innovation, then, Colin?! - Ed] that's going to revolutionise the weekends of DIY'ers from Lands End to John o' Groats, and cut home improvement job times in half. 

Did you catch this bombshell in Onion News this week, about B&Q's game-changing revolutionary new two-way ladder?

That's the kind of excitement that I personally have been missing over these last 12 months, waiting for my hip replacement - which finally took place in Redditch at the start of April. Yes, due to my wobbly, old hip, I was forced to give up all of my iconic DIY-projects due to fundamental unsteadiness.

Well, those days are gone, and this morning I made my return to Do-It-Yourself with my first project since getting my new hip - a set of useful shelves for the corner of the kitchen in our new-build home in Malvern, which I managed to assemble from the flatpack, to the obvious delight of my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois.

a photographer (me) captures the very

moment when, following the complex

instructions in the cheaply-printed instructions,

 I've just inserted the last of 16 screws into the 

flatpack's "parts A, B, C, D, E, F and G

awww!!! Look at the obvious delight

on our sweet-little faces when the

shelves are in place and Lois is already

thinking of things to put on them.

Awwwwwwww (again) !!!!!!

And today the word has gone out among DIY-enthusiasts from Lands End to John o' Groats [You've done that one already! - Ed] that "Colin is back!!!"

10:00 It's been quite a week for "birthdays in heaven", hasn't it. Yesterday would have been my dear late father's 110th birthday, had he lived.

flashback to my first ever winter, 1946-7, in 

Dover, Kent - I encourage my parents to join 

me for one of my early  photo-opportunities

And today would have been former Torquay (Devon)-born Emily Perry's 117th birthday, the actress who played the long-suffering but silent bridesmaid Madge Allsop to Australian Barry Humphries' character Dame Edna Everage. 

Perry's character, the elderly Madge Allsop, supposedly born in North Palmerston, New Zealand, is remembered today in my Facebook feed, which is a nice reminder.

Allsop looked harmless enough, but do you remember? At one time she became mixed up in some sort of sex scandal, when, at the age of 96, she was caught in bed with pop-star "Ozzy" Osbourne?

"three in a bed" scandal: (left to right) Madge Allsop (96), popstar 

"Ozzy" Osbourne, and media star Dame Edna Everage

I think that that now-infamous, "three-in-a-bed" incident may have caused some sort of rift between Osbourne and his wife Sharon, for a while, at least, but it had all got smoothed over by the time of Sharon's landmark heart-to-heart interview with Dame Edna in 2020, when the two women were able to laugh about it all, which was nice.

the "three-in-a-bed" incident happily forgotten,

Sharon Osbourne (right) is able to laugh about it all 

eventually, in one of Australian media star Dame Edna Everage's 

iconic "heart-to-heart" interviews, back in 2020

Happy days!

19:00 Our daughter Sarah arrives from Alcester with our 10-year-old twin granddaughters Lily and Jessica, and we give them a tea of beefburgers, baked potato and baked beans. They'll be spending tonight and tomorrow with us.

5 empty plates to be washed up after an iconic

tea of beefburgers, baked potato and baked beans - yum yum!

The twins are tired, but excited to be with us once again. It was their school's sports day today, and once again they astonish us with the tales of their achievements, with Lily and Jessica once again coming 1st and 2nd in the sprint and other events. They were more or less single-handedly responsible for their "house's" victory in the annual competition between the school's three "houses".

That isn't mine or Lois's DNA they've got to thank for that, that's for sure. My goodness, no!

The family last year came back after spending 2015-2023 in Australia. Do you remember that school sports day Perth, Western Australia in August 2020, when Lily (6) temporarily abandoned the cross-country event to go back to the starting-line and collect the hat she'd forgotten to put on? 

And then, with her hat in place, how Lily powered her way back through the "pack" to finish 3rd? It was just like that Blanche in the song, who "got run down by an avalanche, but (game girl) [she] got up and finished fourth" [copyright: Cole Porter, 1939] ?

flashback to 2020, Perth, Western Australia: Lily (right) collecting 

the 3rd place rosette for her school's cross-country event

Amazing times, weren't they!

20:00 We spend the evening watching a DVD of "Coot Club", the film version of one of Arthur Ransome's 1930's books about kids "messing about in boats", be it rowing or sailing, this time on the Norfolk Broads.

The "Coot Club" film features a pair of twins, nicknamed "Port" and "Starboard", because one is left-handed and one is right-handed, which is a nice added interest for Lily and Jessica.

little twins "Port" and "Starboard" - awwwwww!!!!

And when the film's over, there's just time to show Sarah and the twins our shiny-new patio awning, with its row of lights.

we showcase our shiny-new patio awning, edged with its row of lights

It's heart-warming for me that the twins like the Arthur Ransome books, because I read them all 12 or so of them myself when I was around their age.

flashback to 1957: me, aged 11, with my dear late father, then 43 and

at the height of his powers, on the beach at Burnham-on-Sea, Somerset.

I've fended off all suggestions of playing "beach cricket" with the other kids,

and am joyfully reading Arthur Ransome's "Peter Duck"

Happy days [You've done that one once already! - Ed]

[Just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!

Thursday June 27th 2024 "Being a football pundit - is it 'money for old rope' ????"

Some weeks it seems like there's an awful lot of violence in the world, doesn't it. 

I'm happy to report, however, that there have been some lights at the ends of some tunnels this week - did you see this "doozy" of a story from America's NFL (National Football League) [source: Onion News] ?

Heart-warming story, isn't it. And my long-suffering wife Lois and I fully expect this "feel-good" news from America to feature prominently in page 4's tiny "It wasn't all bad" section of her weekly news-digest magazine "The Week", when it "plops" through our letter-box tomorrow, that's for sure!

the tiny "it wasn't all bad" section of last week's

44-page copy of  Lois's news-digest magazine "The Week"

It's no secret that Lois and I don't "do" sports, and we're currently involved in "dodging" the sports-heavy schedules, both the Euros and the tennis, being advertised by the 3 main TV channels at the moment.

And we are being forced to try and dodge the sport much in the way that, in the US, a quarterback tries to "dodge" a waiting defender, before the now-inevitable "peace talks" between the two "warring" players (!).

yesterday's soccer-heavy and tennis-heavy schedules

for the three main channels, BBC1, BBC2 and ITV1

It's all a bit of a madness, when you think about it, isn't it. And don't you just hate it, when these soccer programme's so-called experts start pontificating, and pretending that soccer is "an exact science".

Luckily, early this morning while Lois is washing her hair prior to her appointment with her stylist, I happen to catch David Hepworth's "Streams of Consciousness" column's "take" on this subject in next week's Radio Times.

And Hepworth's column gives me plenty to talk to Lois about on the subject of 'football punditry' - see below! - both while I'm driving her to her appointment with Rachel, her hair-stylist, and also later, when we finish off the morning with another walk on the common.

Rachel, working on Lois's head [not shown]

Lois paying Rachel at the till - Rachel's "re-blonding" herself

at the moment and she's got her hair done up with strips

of what look like newspaper cuttings - what madness !!!!

I catch up with Lois (literally (!)) on our walk over

Poolbrook Common - well, she walks faster than me, but

I did have a hip replacement only two months ago haha!

But "What did David Hepworth say in his column about football punditry?", I hear you cry!

[Not me! - Ed]

Well, let's let the great man speak for himself, shall we?

I think that says it all, don't you? Kudos, David haha!!!!!

21:00 We wind down for bed with the first episode of an amusing new 4-part comedy drama, "Douglas is Cancelled", all about a "national treasure" news-presenter Douglas Bellowes (played by Downton Abbey Star Hugh Bonneville), who, according to tweets etc on social media, made a sexist joke (shock horror) at a friend's wedding the other day. Does this mean that Douglas is going to be "cancelled"?

Lots of wry laughs between Lois and me on the couch, as I periodically ask Lois "Have they told us what Douglas's sexist joke actually was, yet?", but this uncertainty - the uncertainty about what the actual sexist joke was -  is all part of the "arc" of this episode, the fact that nobody seems to know yet. News-presenter Douglas claims that he doesn't remember what he said, and as the end of the episode looms, the actual joke itself still hasn't been revealed in all the social media furore that's going on.

That's when the news programme's producer, Toby, hits on the idea of getting a joke-writer to come up with a sexist joke that's only very mildly sexist, one that Douglas can safely "admit to", and one which Douglas's "demographic" will be prepared to shrug their shoulders over, and say, "Well, that's nothing to get very upset about!", thus thwarting any efforts to have him "cancelled".

Toby, the news show's producer thinks he's talking to the joke-writer, but he's actually talking to his driver. He had assumed that the man's companion, a "person of colour", was the driver, and that the white man was the joke-writer - but it was actually the other way around.

Oops!

Yes, life can be a bit of a minefield today, can't it, particularly for middle-aged 'straight' white men, like Toby, the show's producer. Never mind, life today is, after all, just a learning process - call it 'a journey' if you like haha!

Poor Toby!!!!

But what a crazy world we live in!!!!

[Oh, just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!