Friday June 28th 2024 "B&Q's game-changing 2-way ladder - have you got YOURS yet?!"

There's always a bit of excitement in the air, isn't there, whenever DIY-chain B&Q's flagship "think tanks" come up with a new innovation [What's an old innovation, then, Colin?! - Ed] that's going to revolutionise the weekends of DIY'ers from Lands End to John o' Groats, and cut home improvement job times in half. 

Did you catch this bombshell in Onion News this week, about B&Q's game-changing revolutionary new two-way ladder?

That's the kind of excitement that I personally have been missing over these last 12 months, waiting for my hip replacement - which finally took place in Redditch at the start of April. Yes, due to my wobbly, old hip, I was forced to give up all of my iconic DIY-projects due to fundamental unsteadiness.

Well, those days are gone, and this morning I made my return to Do-It-Yourself with my first project since getting my new hip - a set of useful shelves for the corner of the kitchen in our new-build home in Malvern, which I managed to assemble from the flatpack, to the obvious delight of my medium-to-long-suffering wife Lois.

a photographer (me) captures the very

moment when, following the complex

instructions in the cheaply-printed instructions,

 I've just inserted the last of 16 screws into the 

flatpack's "parts A, B, C, D, E, F and G

awww!!! Look at the obvious delight

on our sweet-little faces when the

shelves are in place and Lois is already

thinking of things to put on them.

Awwwwwwww (again) !!!!!!

And today the word has gone out among DIY-enthusiasts from Lands End to John o' Groats [You've done that one already! - Ed] that "Colin is back!!!"

10:00 It's been quite a week for "birthdays in heaven", hasn't it. Yesterday would have been my dear late father's 110th birthday, had he lived.

flashback to my first ever winter, 1946-7, in 

Dover, Kent - I encourage my parents to join 

me for one of my early  photo-opportunities

And today would have been former Torquay (Devon)-born Emily Perry's 117th birthday, the actress who played the long-suffering but silent bridesmaid Madge Allsop to Australian Barry Humphries' character Dame Edna Everage. 

Perry's character, the elderly Madge Allsop, supposedly born in North Palmerston, New Zealand, is remembered today in my Facebook feed, which is a nice reminder.

Allsop looked harmless enough, but do you remember? At one time she became mixed up in some sort of sex scandal, when, at the age of 96, she was caught in bed with pop-star "Ozzy" Osbourne?

"three in a bed" scandal: (left to right) Madge Allsop (96), popstar 

"Ozzy" Osbourne, and media star Dame Edna Everage

I think that that now-infamous, "three-in-a-bed" incident may have caused some sort of rift between Osbourne and his wife Sharon, for a while, at least, but it had all got smoothed over by the time of Sharon's landmark heart-to-heart interview with Dame Edna in 2020, when the two women were able to laugh about it all, which was nice.

the "three-in-a-bed" incident happily forgotten,

Sharon Osbourne (right) is able to laugh about it all 

eventually, in one of Australian media star Dame Edna Everage's 

iconic "heart-to-heart" interviews, back in 2020

Happy days!

19:00 Our daughter Sarah arrives from Alcester with our 10-year-old twin granddaughters Lily and Jessica, and we give them a tea of beefburgers, baked potato and baked beans. They'll be spending tonight and tomorrow with us.

5 empty plates to be washed up after an iconic

tea of beefburgers, baked potato and baked beans - yum yum!

The twins are tired, but excited to be with us once again. It was their school's sports day today, and once again they astonish us with the tales of their achievements, with Lily and Jessica once again coming 1st and 2nd in the sprint and other events. They were more or less single-handedly responsible for their "house's" victory in the annual competition between the school's three "houses".

That isn't mine or Lois's DNA they've got to thank for that, that's for sure. My goodness, no!

The family last year came back after spending 2015-2023 in Australia. Do you remember that school sports day Perth, Western Australia in August 2020, when Lily (6) temporarily abandoned the cross-country event to go back to the starting-line and collect the hat she'd forgotten to put on? 

And then, with her hat in place, how Lily powered her way back through the "pack" to finish 3rd? It was just like that Blanche in the song, who "got run down by an avalanche, but (game girl) [she] got up and finished fourth" [copyright: Cole Porter, 1939] ?

flashback to 2020, Perth, Western Australia: Lily (right) collecting 

the 3rd place rosette for her school's cross-country event

Amazing times, weren't they!

20:00 We spend the evening watching a DVD of "Coot Club", the film version of one of Arthur Ransome's 1930's books about kids "messing about in boats", be it rowing or sailing, this time on the Norfolk Broads.

The "Coot Club" film features a pair of twins, nicknamed "Port" and "Starboard", because one is left-handed and one is right-handed, which is a nice added interest for Lily and Jessica.

little twins "Port" and "Starboard" - awwwwww!!!!

And when the film's over, there's just time to show Sarah and the twins our shiny-new patio awning, with its row of lights.

we showcase our shiny-new patio awning, edged with its row of lights

It's heart-warming for me that the twins like the Arthur Ransome books, because I read them all 12 or so of them myself when I was around their age.

flashback to 1957: me, aged 11, with my dear late father, then 43 and

at the height of his powers, on the beach at Burnham-on-Sea, Somerset.

I've fended off all suggestions of playing "beach cricket" with the other kids,

and am joyfully reading Arthur Ransome's "Peter Duck"

Happy days [You've done that one once already! - Ed]

[Just go to bed! - Ed]

22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzz!!!!