Danskcolin: Monday June 24th 2024 "Visiting Birmingham today? Then you're sure of a big surprise!!"

Friends, has any of you ventured into Birmingham recently? Or are you planning a trip there, maybe staying overnight before travelling back to the more familiar landscapes of our own dear leafy county of Worcestershire?

Well, beware!!!! Before you go, just check out what that most vocal of residents from the lovely Worcestershire village of Nob End, Matthew Pinter, has been saying about his experiences in Birmingham, recently, in the West Worcestershire edition of Onion News.

I know some people tend to "write off" Pinter as just another "Nob End Pub Bore", but sometimes he has some really good, and eminently practical tips for travellers, and I believe this may be the first time Pinter has ventured as far as Birmingham, so take heed !!!!

And tellingly, Matthew adds the following "rider" to his traveller's tales:

Yes, well, I think Matthew's Onion News weekly column this week succeeded in shocking a lot of people round here, didn't it, and not just people in Nob End, to put it mildly!

Unfortunately, in my view, the reaction of many locals has been to say, simply, "Right, that's it, I'm never going to travel into Birmingham again, as long as I live!"

typical West Worcestershire travellers arriving

at the futuristic Birmingham (New Street) station recently

- and little do they know what's waiting for them!!!!

Me? I take the opposite approach - let's embrace this strange new trend in our major cities! And in any case, to put it bluntly, if this kind of phenomenon spreads, we might all have to start learning these people's weird language, might we not. So yikes!!!!

As usual, young people are leading the way - and nobody more than mine and Lois's own grandson Isaac (13), who's been studying Mandarin at his school in Liphook, Surrey, and who is travelling with some of his classmates to Beijing in a few weeks' time. I'll let you know in due course how he gets on - so watch this space!

flashback to Christmas 2023: Lois (4th from right)

with our 2 daughters, plus one of our 2 sons-in-law,

and our 5 grandchildren, including Isaac (13),

who's sitting 3rd from left - he's the one learning Chinese.

And closer to home, I think a lot of you know that I've been "stitched up" by my fellow-members in the local U3A "History of English" group to "volunteer" (as they put it (!)) to "lead their activities" and engage new speakers for our monthly meetings on zoom, which is a bit of a chore, to put it mildly!

Luckily, in our current series of presentations on the theme of "Languages that have had almost zero impact on English", our oldest member, Peter, who despite his age is locally famous for very much being "down with the kids", and keeping up with the latest trends in retail - yes, "old" Peter has offered, as of yesterday, to give a talk on Chinese to our group. So, if Peter's talk comes off, here's one set of 8 locals who won't ever be afraid to venture into Birmingham - that's for sure!

Peter's email to me "late" last night (!), which I was

delighted to read early this morning

And if you can keep a secret, at least till our group's next meeting date of July 12th, here's a sneak preview of the opening lines of Peter's presentation:

That "bombshell" from Peter, however, just sets the scene, because there are more bombshells to follow in Peter's "spiel", I can exclusively reveal, and there's not much doubt that our next group meeting is going to be something of a "doozy" !!!!

So watch this space!!!! [That's enough "spaces"! - Ed]

11:45 Other than that "doozy" of an email from Peter, today is a bit of an unsatisfactory one for me and my long-suffering wife Lois. It's true that we manage to get our gas central heating boiler serviced by Owen, from local Worcester firm LCH Plumbing and Heating, but the other "star" appointment on our calendar, a visit from "footwoman" a.k.a Joanne from Age UK, never happens - she doesn't turn up for some reason, at 11:45 am as promised, and so far we haven't been able to find out why.

excerpt from mine and Lois's calendar for today

Joanne's "no-show" is particularly disappointing for me personally, as at 11:45 am I was already sitting in my "grandpa's chair" with my socks off, all ready for her.

me sitting in my "grandpa's chair" at 11:45 am

this morning with my socks off ready, and

Joanne's "tools of the trade" (ringed) already

set out for her on our little table

[Editor's note: the end part of Colin's legs has been "redacted" by me, on the grounds that it might prove upsetting for some readers - Ed]

Do you remember when people used to write S.W.A.L.K. (Sealed with a loving kiss) on the back of the envelopes enclosing their love letters, not to mention the occasional S.O.R.W.I.C.H. (Socks off ready when I come home) ????

Happy days weren't they !!!!

However, to get back to reality (!), nothing says you're old more clearly than having to get your toenails cut by a "professional", does it - let's be honest!

flashback to late April, and our last visit from "Footwoman",

who mysteriously doesn't turn up as arranged today,

but why? I think we should be told, don't you!

Come back, Joanne, all is forgiven haha !!!!

16:00 Out there in the wider world today, there has come news, sadly, of Islamist terrorist attacks in Russian republic of Dagestan, which, Lois comments, will perhaps come as a surprise to ordinary Russians, who've been told that the main terrorist threat to them comes from the Ukraine.

And Tünde, my Hungarian penfriend, has emailed me with more evidence that supporters of Hungary's crazy Prime Minister, Viktor Orbán, continue to bury their heads in the sand, just like ostriches, when it comes to Orbán's support for Russian prime minister Vladimir Putin. This is despite his aggression against Hungary's neighbours the Ukrainians - have these Hungarians ever thought that they could be next on Putin's "shopping list" if he ever gets his way in Ukraine?

this helpful illustration of typical "ostrich"

behaviour was sent to me recently by Steve,

our American brother-in-law

The crowd at Rod Stewart's concert in Budapest the other day apparently booed and whistled at pictures of Zelensky flashed up on the screen during Rod's performance. They cheered Rod and his music, however, even though he was wearing the Ukraine's colours of blue and yellow. And Rod commented afterwards, "I support Zelensky and the Ukrainian people, and I will continue to support them. Putin must be stopped.”

the headlines yesterday on Hungarian news website telex.hu

pictures of Zelensky on the big screen at Rod's Budapest concert

a couple of days ago - pictures which led to booing from the crowd

The Budapest crowd's reaction is particularly disappointing to me personally, because I read the following, somewhat more encouraging, information a week ago on website Insight Hungary 444.hu:

Just what's going on in Hungary? - I think we should be told, don't you!

But what a crazy world we live in !!!!

21:00 Lois and I get ready for bed on the couch this evening with another old episode from the 1970's sitcom "Are You Being Served", centred on staff in the mens- and womens-wear departments of a large London department store.

Another fascinating episode, and one which includes a guest performance by Joanna Lumley, then the ex-girlfriend of the sitcom's co-writer Jeremy Lloyd.

As part of the store's "German Week", the department has been given boxes of German clothing to sell, but the descriptions on the boxes have been puzzling Mrs Slocombe, head of womenswear.

Fascinating stuff !!! But the management, in the person of Mr Rumbold, can't help detecting some underlying residual anti-German feeling on the part of some of the store's older staff - and yes, you've guessed it, I'm talking about Mrs Slocombe again.