Yes, friends, have YOU counted your breasts recently - a lot of us haven't, according to what I hear from shoppers this morning, when my light-to-moderate wife Lois and I go sauntering through the underwear shops in downtown Haslemere this morning, just over the county line in Surrey, as you do (!).
And the local furore is all because of the headlines in today's Onion News - did you catch the story, admittedly a bit "tucked away", back on page 94?!
Luckily, living here in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire the new-style bras and panties haven't surfaced yet, or so my spies tell me (!). But nevertheless Lois and I are being extra cautious this morning when we finger the stock in underwear specialists "Amazing Grace" - just to be on the safe side (!).
And eventually, while Lois goes upstairs with shop-owner Grace for some heavy-duty measuring of her "advantages" (!), behind closed doors(!), Yours Truly settles down in the "husband's chair" in the window, where, with my "pervy smirk", I can intimidate other women from even setting foot in the store (!).
I settle down in the "husband's chair" by the window underwear shop
"Amazing Grace", to discourage other women from coming in, while
manageress Grace takes Lois upstairs for some heavy-duty breast-measuring (!)
And don't think that's all we've got to do today! Anybody who's retired will tell you that any day where you've contracted to do more than one thing counts as "a busy day", and that's how this Friday morning feels for us, to put it mildly!!!!
Happily we're also meeting our elder daughter Alison and granddaughter Josie (19) for a coffee and cake at Hemingway's coffee shop. Josie is starting her university degree course up in Durham later this month, so is at the stage I myself was at exactly 60 years ago this month. Yikes - and it seems like only yesterday !!!!
And we learn this morning that Josie has chosen Mandarin Chinese as her supplementary subject with her BSc maths degree course - yikes (again) !!!! She wanted to do Japanese, "like what 'Grandad did", ie me (!), but the timings don't fit in with Josie's maths lectures, which is a pity.
Lois and I meet our elder daughter Alison and our eldest granddaughter
Josie (19) for coffee'n'cake at Hemingway's - in a week's time Josie
will be travelling up north to Durham to start her university maths degree
Lois and I are also going to be having a happy browse in the Haslemere Bookshop, sifting through the second-hand book section and also picking up the shiny new Latin Dictionary we ordered for the first meeting of the local U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group on Monday.
just two of the many books Lois and I pick up at the Haslemere Bookshop this morning:
a Latin dictionary for when we start the local U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group
on Monday, and a book I plan to give a talk on to the U3A "History of English" group
that I also lead "for my sins" (!). Busy busy busy!!!!
Yes, busy busy busy!!!
And Lois and I are going to be even busier in October than we are in September, because we'll also be joining the Liphook U3A Local History group. We're new to this area, having moved to Liphook, Hampshire from Malvern, Worcestershire only in January, so it'll be nice to learn more about the history of the place.
We're joining the group a bit late in the 2025 season, but the first meeting we can attend is all about the Royal Anchor Hotel in the middle of Liphook, a humble coaching inn, where in this tiny, unpretentious town, the crowned heads of Europe met after the Napoleonic Wars, would you believe - just to celebrate the fact that, at the Battle of Waterloo in 1815, Britain had effectively taken nasty French dictator Napoleon "off the scene", "making the world safe for monarchy", if you please (!).
(left) The Royal Anchor, an "unpretentious inn" in an unpretentious town
- Liphook, Hampshire - where the crowned heads of Europe (right) met
after the defeat of Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo in 1815
Also looking tempting there in the group's programme is the Annual General Meeting (AGM) on December 9th where we'll be hearing all about Mrs Robb's Bonnet (!) ). Not an item of headwear, in case you're wondering, but what's been described not only as "suggestive-looking", but also as a "tough old boot of a plant" (!). You may know it as "euphorbia amygdaloides Robbiae" when it's at home (!).
Sounds intriguing, doesn't it, so watch this space haha!
[I'm not holding my breath! - Ed]
Mrs Robb's Bonnet - "a tough old boot of a plant"
which looks a bit rude, but lots of people grow them, apparently (!)
And with busy mornings like that, it's no wonder that Lois and I tend to spend our afternoons in bed, a habit often criticised locally, but at least our immediate neighbours know, now, not to ring our doorbell when our blinds are drawn, which is a step forward !!!!
And we spend the evening on the sofa, just "vegging", or "vegging out", as our grandchildren call it(!), in front of "the box" (!).
[That's enough exclamation marks in brackets (!) - Ed]
Which reminds me - have you seen the latest TV commercial for Branboogles, from the Mitchell and Webb team? It's a real "doozy" (!).
But it's inevitable, isn't it - us "old codgers" just don't have the speed of reaction time that our younger relatives have, that's for sure!!!
Never mind, try again, Grandpa, throw the dice and spin the wheel, and let's see what you're made of !!!!
One for the family Christmas lists this year, surely!
Will this do?
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzzzz!!!!!
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