Yes, friends, isn't it annoying when you go into a shop and you find they won't take your honestly-earned cash and, instead, insist on you getting out a bunch of credit cards? Or vice versa of course!
Well, if you answered 'yes' to that "battery of questions" (see above!), for which I make no apology [Why not? - Ed], imagine what it's like for a simple hunter-gatherer or early farmer going into his (or her) local Greggs or Waitrose (!) [source: Onion News for East Dorset], to put it mildly!!!!!
At least the story brings a chuckle to the faces of me and my light-to-moderate wife Lois this Monday morning, when we leave our home in semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, and start a lightning 3-day trip to Bournemouth, Dorset on the English Channel coast, where we find ourselves confronted with some local goats as we take a "first look" at the sea, first at beach-level, and then from high up on the cliffs above the town.
my light-to-moderate wife Lois and me, leaving out comfortable abode in semi-leafy Liphook,
Hampshire to travel the 75 miles south-west to Bournemouth on the English Channel coast,
arriving at the seaside like 2 excited schoolkids, and getting to know the local mountain goats
Goats are, frankly, the last thing we expected to find greeting us in Bournemouth, but Lois and I are nothing if not adaptable, and we make the best of it, in our usual "quietly British" way (!), and we try to get to know them, although without buying any of the goats' "greeting cards" - one for our next visit perhaps. After all it could be yet another "scam" (!).
Call us over-cautious if you like haha!
high up on the cliffs above the beach, an advert for the goats' greeting cards
We're not in Bournemouth to support the goats' small business ventures, or to buy their greetings cards, after all (!) - we're here to visit Lois's last surviving cousin Brian, now a resident in a local care-home, and Brian's wife Ruth, who spends every single day at the home from 11am to bedtime, keeping Brian company, and working the TV remote for him.
Brian sleeps a lot of the time, and he can't really talk any more, although he can get his meaning across using signs, gestures and little noises, which his wife Ruth interprets for us. He also listens intently to us when we speak.
(top) us outside the Bournemouth care-home where Lois's cousin Brian is a resident,
and (bottom) Brian in his room with his wife Ruth keeping things tidy and showing us photos
Brian is Lois's only surviving cousin, but I happen to mention that I myself still have nearly thirty cousins, commenting that thirty is "too many, probably", which Brian finds hilarious, I'm happy to say.
Apart from the pleasure of seeing Brian and Ruth, these 3 days are also a bit of a break for Lois and me - we don't go away very often, and it's nice to sleep in a lovely hotel bed and have meals served to us without having to do any work for it, let's be honest (!).
We finally drive home to Liphook on Thursday, a little bit anxious. We're conscious that we've got to take a Latin exam the next day (Friday), would you believe (!).
how nice, for once, to have a nice big hotel bed to sleep in, and to have
scrambled egg, bacon and sausage for breakfast, and pizza and Guinness for lunch etc etc
We only moved to our current home in Liphook in January, to be near our eldest daughter Alison and her family in nearby Headley. But we don't have any other friends in these parts, so a couple of months ago we decided to join the local Haslemere U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group, run by retired schoolteacher Joe, which we thought would be "a bit of a laugh" and also a relaxed way to get to know some of the locals, when "term" starts in mid-September.
flashback to last September: local "old codgers" queue up outside
the Town Hall in a bid to be accepted as members of local groups, including
Joe's popular U3A "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group
Well, there isn't much for old codgers to do in a place like rural, semi-leafy Liphook, Hampshire, apart from, obviously, all the drinking and the sex (!), hence the popularity of U3A groups like Joe's (!).
When we first met Joe formally in early August, he sent us away with a loan of one of his Latin primers, later he emailing us to say he'd like a "follow up phone-call" with us, "to see how we've been getting on with it" - with the Latin primer, that is, not the drinking and sex (!).
What madness !!!!
flashback to early August: I showcase the Latin primer that
Lois and I are currently diligently studying, prior to joining Joe's
local "U3A Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group
And this Friday we find ourselves in Joe's flat again, together with another prospective new member, another Brian, so that Joe can give us all a few "supplementary" tests".
What madness (again) !!!! [That's enough madness! - Ed]
The good news is that, after this, our second-stage "interview", Lois and I, plus Brian the other "candidate", have all been formally accepted into the group, which will meet for the first time "this academic year" (in Joe's words!) in about 10 days' time.
Joe says that all 3 of us have coped well with the translation exercise he gives us, all about Aeneas, who, according to legend, left Troy with a group of colleagues after the fall of the city and sailed to Italy in a bid to settle there and to found the city of Rome etc etc, as you do (!) .
the voyage of Aeneas and his followers from Troy to Italy
The Italians, however, didn't seem to like "illegal immigrants" or "boat people" (!), and regarded Aeneas and his followers with some suspicion.
the Italians (left) regarded Aeneas and his followers (right)
with some suspicion when the newcomers arrived in Italy from their native Troy
Luckily Aeneas diffused the tension by holding an impromptu "Q&A" session with the locals, during which he understandably found himself having to field a lot of questions [Latin: multa rogat].
Aeneas, with his open, positive attitude, obviously must have made a good impression on the locals, and at the end of the Q&A session, Aeneas was given the Italian king's daughter, Lavinia as a good will gesture. And being single at the time, Aeneas gratefully accepted the offer and so, later that night, it was a clear case of "Bob's your uncle!".
after a brief Q&A session on Aeneas' intentions, the Italian king (left)
gives his daughter Lavinia to newcomer Aeneas, which was an unexpected
bonus for his first night in his adopted new homeland of Italy
Whether Lavinia was happy with the transaction isn't clear, but she was stuck with it, either way. And the rest is history!
Joe's translation exercise, given to Lois and me today,
plus to Brian, another candidate, after which we were all three
finally accepted into Joe's "Intermediate Latin for Old Codgers" group
Will this do?
[Oh just go to bed! - Ed]
22:00 We go to bed - zzzzzz!!!!!
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